Who else here is into monogamy?

[hntnhole]

5 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

Open, honest communication, to me, is a better foundation for relationship

Obviously.  Farther up this page BootmanLA listed a number of terms that described various structures, and questioned how I defined my own relationship some years ago.  That's the whole point of discussing these things, and I find his replies insightful. 

I added my thoughts before his reply, and considered a number of "status" descriptions.  What didn't appeal to me was the seeming lack of recognition of the intensity of the commitment of the two men in the principal relationship as described in the definition of "open" relationships, so I used the term "polyamorous".  To me, it's the meshing of everything - mind/body/spirit - that allows that ineffable "connection" between two (or potentially more, I suppose) men.  The term "open" just seemed too lacking in the foundational commitment, with all the rest being an "up and extra".  

6 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

it's not so much monogamy that appeals to me, but factors associatied with monogamy.

Bingo !!

I agree with you, in that any relationship not built on that firm foundation of open, honest communication has too much sand mixed into the mortar to expect it to last a lifetime.  But then, that's only my perception.  Every guy gets to decide what his own definitions are going to be.  

[hungry_hole]

On 10/7/2022 at 6:42 PM, NWUSHorny said:

Why be sorry, I tried monogamy briefly twice in my 20's, I'm still quite happy with my decision that it wasn't for me in my 50's.

Monogamy is for lesbians

[PozTalkAuthor]

On 9/29/2022 at 5:55 PM, garsento said:

This summer has been a bit of a surprise for me in a few ways. I had not expected that I would end up leaning into a new monogamous relationship, when I met my future partner mid-July on BBRT; I had only hoped for good sex. Instead, I would fantastic sex and an amazing connection, something that survived a trip away and that grew only stronger on my return.

Monogamy feels right for us. For me, at least, I do not regret my past; I had fun, I have had a lot of fun recently in the past few, including some uninhibited sex in my first months on PrEP. I am glad I have, not least since that was what put me on the track to meeting my partner. I think my partner is of the same opinion.

That was then, though. Right now I have him, and that is more than enough. Regular sex with a hugely hung and skilled vers top who cares about me is all I want and need. We can do anything together, and we are on track to do more. Our water sports together are fun, and his big dick/small hand bodes well for fisting, for instance.

Monogamy as socially imposed is a bad idea. Monogamy as a choice willingly entered into, as a way to continue exploring someone you love, can be a good idea. We know we who are, what we have done, and what we want to do together, and that is more than enough for us.

What about other people here? What are your experiences?

I'm with you: if monogamy is chosen, it's a good idea. Otherwise, as every imposition, it ends up with destroying the relationship. After I tested HIV positive I rejected the monogamy concept for the future, as the man who gave me it claimed to be faithful but he fucked around and here's the result. 

Years later I met my ex, and I clarified: or open relationship, or nothing. But this was not the freedom I expected. Being open from the beginning has prevented us from knowing ourselves deeply, discovering our own limits, if we had desires or limits we simply went somewhere else to solve the issue without talking to each other. No, I'm not saying open relationship is wrong, I am saying that open relationship needs the right context if I want to make it work. 

And now, with my current partner, monogamy is what we both want; he's the man I have loved for a long time but many circumstances didn't allow us to develop a real story before. We feel satisfied and we go on with it, aware that if anything happens we might consider opening our relationship and this is not a limit for both of us. We have no contract signed which imposes monogamy, we've no one to disappoint if we break the rule, as, there's NO rule! We are doing what makes us happy and now it's monogamy. For the future, who knows? Till a month and half ago, I just said I'd never go back to monogamy, that it was boring and limiting...

NOT with this man

[KingB028]

I tried monogamy several times. It just didn't work. In the later years, it became a massive disaster. I consider myself a sex addict. Can never really get enough. And that always posed a big problem. In some encounters, it wasn't even a relationship. But i was something casual that the other person wanted to become a monogamous relationship. 

I guess the turning point was when i met my current partner, who is trans. She fully understood me, what i need and how i operate, because she is similar. Once you separate love from sex( or, mainly lust), then you are free. My partner and I get along on a non sexual level, the way we talk and have similar interests. My lust however means that i cannot be satisfied by just her, and same applies to her. So we both have several sexual partners, and engage in a lot of casual sex. Its not a big deal. She encourages me to go cruising or fuck anons because that's what i need. 

When i tried monogamy, i still had a lot of sex outside the relationship. Always tried to hide it, had feelings of guilt. Led to a lot of arguments and toxic vibes. Now none of that exists. 

To those who practice monogamy and stick to it ( trust me, there are lots of monogamous gay couples that i've had sex with because i am the exception to the rule), then i applaud you. If it works for you, then do it. However, its NOT the "one size fits all shoe" that society tries to portray it as.

Edited November 19, 2022 by KingB028

[Davidc]

I’ve always been 100% Monogamous ( until a slutty bottom puts out)

[downtownswallow]

Monogamy relies on the trust in one another to commit.  Romanticizing monogamy is dangerous because it's real work to remain true with each other.  Monogamy means more than just being sexually active with one person.  That's the least of it!  It also requires tolerance when your partner is sick, in a bad mood, acquires a long-term or terminal illness.  That's when commitment matter and your fealty is proven or betrayed.

[ScorpionFF]

Have been in a few toxic relationships, so, I believe I am at the stage now (as a result of a horrific experience that first manifested several years ago) where I am way past even having an open relationship let alone one that is of a monogamous nature. Either avenue seems to bring grief, and I am no longer willing to put up with any drama whatsoever. 

With monogamy in mind, I have tried it in the past, and it has not worked for me for an array of reasons. At the beginning of my penultimate relationship I was insistent that we were open. He was insistent that we would be monogamous. It transpired that from the word go he was fucking around. When I informed him of my knowledge he STILL maintained that we should remain monogamous. Er, how does that even make sense? It does NOT! Rules for thee but not for me springs to mind. 

On a personal level I feel like I have wasted so much precious time being in monogamous relationships in my earlier days. I am not sure men are wired to be monogamous tbh;

Let's face it, we are programmed to breed (or be bred), right. Having said that I suppose it can work for some.

Edited December 21, 2022 by LeatherScorpionFF
sentence edit

[rawfuckr]

I'm absolutely into emotional monogamy here. 

[Tanbbottom]

To be honest I struggle with this whole topic. For the moment I'm content to muddle my way through my mixed and complex thoughts and feelings. 

My first monogamous relationship was with my former wife (who is one of my best friends to this day) Both virgins when we married nonmonogamy didn't even occur to us,  products of a predominantly monogamous culture and similar religious backgrounds. This union produced two wonderful children (& now a grandson) for which I am profoundly grateful. When I awakened to being very far to the gay side of the Kinsey Scale the process of figuring out and embracing my gay sex needs was both terrifying and exilerating. The process of leaving that marriage was exceedingly painful and gut wrenching. 

After many years of single life and a moderate number of male sexual partners, (both a few men I dated briefly and anonymous encounters in bathhouses and the woods) I entered my second monogamous relationship with my current husband. By this point I was more aware of options; but, without much thought to my experience found myself falling into a monogamous commitment. We both asked for that commitment equally. Again we had been shaped by and were not questioning the cultural myth of monogamous relationships being essential to successful relationships. 

Our sex life was never great for me. His tastes were too vanilla and I believe he was frightened by my HIV positive status. But we struggled through commited to monogamy. 

Five years in he went through a medical procedure that seemed to rob him of what I experienced as his already low libido. We tried different things to make a sexual life together work, but he was uncomfortable with all medical aids and soon our sex life totally evaporated. He would say I stopped it, I feel he did. We don't talk about this difference of opinion simply none verbally agreeing to disagree. Although we both grieve the death of any sex life we had, (admittedly me less than him) recognize our strong bond is based on far more than a sexual union.

With trepidation I asked to open the relationship recognizing it wasn't a matter of 'if' I would stray but 'when'. I knew I couldn't live without sex,  indeed that it is an important part of my life and well-being. So important, it had already torn me from the profoundly meaningful and loving relationship with my former wife. 

Without me knowing he talked about my request with a few of his long time gay friends. They assured him they had solid open relationships , one sharing his wisdom  ... "My partner fulfilled his sexual needs for years with many different men and casual sex, how could I ask him to change that?"

Eventually I brought up the topic again and he felt and thought he had given me permission,  finally sharing his talk with his wise friend with me. I confess we don't have the best communication skills especially when it comes to emotionally sensitive topics and topics with potential conflict. I own my own shortcomings as much as I observe and experience his. 

For the last couple of years, as far as I can see he has chosen to live without sex per say. I have embraced my bareback promiscuous self like never before,  but always extremely discreetly to try to keep from rubbing his face in my new found sexual freedom and excitement.  He has met and enjoyed the new found friendship of some of my fuck buddies. I didn't tell him, but he knows I have sex with these men. He has told me once that it doesn't bother him. He thought it would but on reflection knows it doesn't , even when he knows I'm off having sex.

He knows I play raw having overheard a phone call while we were driving when the clinic worker not checking to see if I was alone or not on speaker informed me I had an STD. At a later time he shared with great sympathy that he was sorry I'd had that phone call experience. But, I still don't talk with him about the pleasure I get from bb sex. Since we haven't had sex in years I know I'm not putting him at risk. 

Without negotiating rules we have slipped into a 'don't ask, don't tell ' level of communication. (Or none communication of the topic of our sex lives.) 

I know because of childhood trauma I struggle with talking freely and openly about my feelings, thoughts and needs. My partner has demonstrated his ability to accept my occasional boughts of depression and my wondering ways. But it remains very difficult for me to fully embrace my non-monogamous nature. 

I am inspired by the guys on this site that have such open and honest conversations with their partners. I'm jealous of those of you who play together with others. I  remember my profound loneliness before being with my current partner  which tempers any wishes I have to be single again. 

Yet another recent bought with crabs and a hookup that went badly has me currently not very interested in presuing sex. Maybe I'm just feeling too old for all the hard work to find it and try not to make my pursuits too obvious to the man I truly don't want to hurt. 

I know I will eventually suck a cock and have my ass stuffed with raw cock once again. I know I won't be able to avoid the temptation of backing my ass up to yet another glory hole and gratefully recieve another strangers cum painting my guts. 

I guess this long rambling post just admitts my complex journey with the topic of monogamy  and how deeply ingrained the cultural myth is for many of us. 

I'm much happier and healthier when I admit perfection doesn't exist and find the joy I can as I stumble along open to the vast possibilities. 

I love sex. I love it with trusted fuck buddies and strangers alike. Any thought of me committing to monogamy is well in my past. 

[120DaysofSodom]

Cheating turns me on idk hah

[Roughme101]

Love and sex are 2 different things, if your lucky enough to get both in one package, I am happy for you. 

 

Most people due to social norms  dont the split it or can't get over it but  in a relationship I want my partner to be happy, so if that means they have sex elseware but come home to me or vice versa, long a s your going back to them, your happy and there happy ... 

Love and monogamy are a wonderful thing to find but it is emotional monogamy, physical will always fade change so build a relationship on something that lasts and help each other where needed 

[mnbare]

1 hour ago, 120DaysofSodom said:

Cheating turns me on idk hah

I love fucking a cheating slut. 
I also love cheating 

[120DaysofSodom]

2 hours ago, mnbare said:

I love fucking a cheating slut. 
I also love cheating 

Yeah, sure I know im a cunt for it but I love it. Just the whole act of sneaking around on my boyfriend and taking raw loads. Id get fucked anywhere I could when he lived with me too, from the stairwell next to my apartment when he was sleeping, in our bed when he was at work, anywhere.

[Zencoli]

21 minutes ago, 120DaysofSodom said:

Yeah, sure I know im a cunt for it but I love it. Just the whole act of sneaking around on my boyfriend and taking raw loads. Id get fucked anywhere I could when he lived with me too, from the stairwell next to my apartment when he was sleeping, in our bed when he was at work, anywhere.

I need to show this to my BF to stipulate what I meant when I said he should sleep around

[hntnhole]

I think that we all get to choose how to structure our sex-lives.  

That said, I can attest to the fact that both love and wanton sex can - and do - exist in our little corner of the sexual universe.  

I've described it elsewhere here, so I won't go into it again, but there's over 30 years of proof in my pocket that men can love each other very deeply and unconditionally, and also have pigsex with others together, in group scenes, and on their own very successfully.