tallslenderguy

i think there's a lot of good answers here, i particularly ditto steve-tmq that you: "...already know the answer." At least in part? You wrote a whole list of reasons why you are attracted to and obsessed with getting fucked BB. Couple more thoughts. i think a lot of the reasons behind asking in the first place is because our form of sex violates the heteronormative standards that most follow and have been conditioned by, so people who are different from those standards can end up with the question: asking why i am attracted and obsessed in this way vs why the attraction and obsession exists. i think ErosWired and atlfukbud have some good answers for that. Straights may investigate the latter question, but they never feel challenged to explain their attraction or obsession to the opposite gender like gays are. Pain. The truth is, it can be painful for a woman to get fucked. Especially the first time, they often bleed. But a women's vagina has to be opened too. Regular sex fixes that for most. Personally, i cannot remember the last time i felt pain from being penetrated by a Man. Even my first time was not painful, but by the time i received my first cock, i had already been penetrating and opening myself with pretty much everything i could find lol. One could argue that an asshole is better equipped in some ways to receive cock. What comes out is not far from cock sized and similarly shaped, the hole dilates naturally to create a passage. A woman's vagina gets 'wrecked' when she has a baby, but unlike the asshole, that's not a daily, livelong occurrence like a BM is for most. Mess. All sex organs have a dual function of 'waste' removal. Every 21 days or so, a woman's body has what could be compared to a BM, a 7 day, 24 hour 'movement' of her uterus as it sheds and bleeds and is removed from her body by her body. Some straight guys will fuck 'dirty' and some gay guys will fuck 'dirty.' Women douche, gay guys who receive cock douche. Another conditioned response is the notion that sex is about procreation. Religious cultures have used that one to control people since the beginning of civilization it seems. i think it's safe to say that people who have sex just to make a baby are in a tiny minority, straight, gay or otherwise. Even the scientific notions of survival of the species is speculative. Sure, pleasure contributes to our survival, but there is no actual proof that sexual pleasure is just as important as the baby it may produce. We certainly have a lot of natural examples of other animals having 'gay' sex.

i made "haunting" up as an extrapolation on ghosting.

Delusional? lol, maybe. Fortunately i've got a wee bit of crust and experience. i did write him today and laid it out to him about the ghosting and haunting. He sent me a note back apologizing for taking so long to get back and saying he is interested, but in the process of moving and will write a detailed response. drumroll.... No, not holding my breath. Now that i have a response, i can at least settle in my mind that he was just inconsiderate. I.e., it prolly took all of 30 seconds to write that, why did he wait 9 days? How come he has time to look at my profile, but still didn't take the time to say something to me? Really no excuse, i mean it's not like his grandmother died. i'm being transparent writing this thread, but i'm not a wounded bird lying in the corner or pining for him as though he is other than he has been. The core off my original thread is really the curiosity of someone who not only would ghost someone... pretty common internet fare, but then continues to 'haunt' by visiting the profile, but still not saying anything. i suspect that is not uncommon either. It's like the internet caters to a whole segment of people and i wonder what these people would be doing without the internet? Would they be more apt to exercise polite social skills? Are they the shy people who can't bring theirslves to speak with someone they're interested in? The majority of guys i see, even on relationship oriented sites, don't have a profile of any substance, yet they claim to be looking for relationship. It's so strange to me that they seem to think that will happen without any effort on their part, that somehow someone will just magically intuit enough about them to make first contact, then work their ass off trying to get them to say something besides "i like long walks on the beach." i mean, is that code for i will not live inland? sorry.

Last night. my regular FB. He had contacted me on Monday, and i was at work and was not able to. He contacted me again yesterday afternoon and i was at a meeting and had forgotten my phone. After the meeting i went to the gym to do my skinny white boy routine, and His message popped up on my watch. i texted back and told Him i'd be home at 7 and we agreed to meet then. At 650, i got a message that something came up and He couldn't come then, but maybe later. He ended up coming by at 815 pm. This guy is a sweet, young (25?) Latino Muscle Jock. Not sure about Him, but i definitely have developed affection for Who and how He is as a person. He has this sweet, unassuming, almost shy demeanor. He softly and affectionately touches me and kisses my neck and shoulders with similar energy. Yet, when He gets going, He also spanks my ass. What's not to love? But He is soooo quiet. He never talks about His sexual desires or fantasies. i have even tried writing to Him about that stuff on the hookup site where we met, He never responds to what i wrote, so idk. He does say a few specific things on His profile, not much, but that He likes lingerie (not for Himself), so i put on a pair of open back lace panties last night that another Man who likes that gave me. i am always laying naked, face down and presenting when He comes in my opened back door, and He commented when He saw them: "ah, you put on some nice undies." That was all He said. He's normally a physically passionate Fucker, if not vocal, but He was obviously ramped up, even for Him. i almost came (my penis is never touched) a couple of times from His hard, slamming fucking. i had a very gaped, sloppy hole after, and His seed went deep, past the 'second' hole, which doesn't always happen with Him, so i was able to absorb all His seed last night. i'm not naturally, or probably more accurately, independently fem. Honestly, i don't think i am "fem' at all, but i do get turned on by a Top who sees me that way, or Who gets off on feminizing me in a way? Who thinks of and treats my hole as a pussy, who doesn't see me as having a 'cock.' i won't 'act' like a 'gurl,' it's just not me, it's more a kind of mind fuck of Him treating and seeing me that way, brings something other out of me. He was obviously turned on, and that connected to something in me. Yet another beautiful fuck, but it always is.

i think that's a good point, a person can indeed be objectified and comes with accessories that a inanimate object lacks. Many want that on both sides of this equation. i too believe that many, if not most?, of our psychosexual needs/desires have deep, primal roots. i think one of he reasons i personally despise 'role play' is because i think it disguises or hampers seeing, and possibly understanding, the real source or reasons behind what we do. Not that i feel the need to always understand. i don't understand why i am gay, for instance, but that does not hamper my acceptance or exercise of it. To me, part of the adventure, joy, benefit, ________, of connecting with another human being is the opportunity of discovery, learning and knowing both them and my self, so i am for seeing and knowing behind the mask, even if one chooses to still wear one. i think it's correct to at least suspect culturally ingrained behaviors, especially where they may be destructive instead of creative. i think cultural conditioning has created fear in us that if we see and accept ourselves for who we are, we will somehow lose that, or have to give it up, so we accept the cultural definitions that at least acknowledge some part of us. A lot of our perceptions of sexuality have a blend of observations from (other) animals. For instance, animals use sex to assert order and position in the pack. A difference i see is choice. Physically, i can Top. i can "play" the dominant "role" and pull it off in a way that gets me seen and accepted as such. i was married to a woman for much of my life, produced a couple of sons. i was always 'top' in that relationship. Psychosexually? It didn't work, even though socially that is how i performed and how i was perceived. For me it was "role play" of a sort, based on ingrained cultural conditioning and following a culturally conditioned script. i do not perceive a dog, for instance, choosing the bottom role . i do not see him being able to role play being alpha, but i think humans can and do do that in many instances. How many bottoms have expressed having jobs of authority and dominant position, yet sexually they want to give up control. One variation. Being a total bottom, i do not feel inferior or less than a Top, yet i LOVE the feeling of another Man being in control and dominating me sexually... but not in any way like a top. I.e., being a bottom for me is about being a receiver and container of a Top Mans need/desire to penetrate me with Himself and leave a part of Himself in a space in me that wants/needs Him. To me, it is a more basic expression of nature, like negatively, positively or neutral ions that attract and bond.

Yeah, i am hyper aware of spammers. They do not usually give their emails, just ask for yours. He intimated on the gay site, and i responded there and by email. Thinking, as you did, that my emails may have gone to spam i wrote him on the dating site stating as much. He has not responded to my emails or my notes on the gay site, but still keeps visiting my profile. Pretty confident he's not a spammer. i just sent him another note asking him why he hasn't responded and yet keeps visiting my profile. He's visited 2x today? We'll see if he responds. my fear is, he'll just be to embarrassed and continue on. Not really anything to do about it, eh? my intent i posting was not to focus on this particular person, just use it as an example of "ghosting" and "haunting".

i have an account on a couple of gay sites i deem as more relationship vs just hook-up sites. i'm far from traditional when it comes to relationship, not looking to emulate heteronormative approach to relationship and not looking to marry. That said, i would like to have a significant other of some sort, so i have profiles on a couple of sites purportedly more geared to relationship... whatever form that may take, but more than a one night, anonymous hook-up. Most of us have experienced ghosting. For me, the most hurtful ghosting happens on this kind of site. i don't spend much time trying to hook on the aps, mostly because of flakes and ghosts, just not worth it to me. What hurts more deeply though is when someone on a dating site initiates something with me, then ghosts me. i have really detailed profiles on those sites to begin with, so most of the guys who initiate with me typically have a good idea of who they are initiating with, usually much more than what they offer in their own profile. They're out there, but Guys who have self knowledge and willingly share some of that beyond being "nice, eating out, hiking and walks on the beach" in Their profile, are rare. So there's usually an imbalance of info to start with. i recently was contacted by a guy on one of these sites. He has a short, but better than average profile. He also initiated contact with more than three words, even more than three sentences. He also didn't live half a world away, just an hour, which is pretty good by internet standards lol. He gave me his email, and i gave mine to him. So i wrote him an email answering his initiating note, and a bit more. And... nothing. i didn't say anything new that was not already in my profile, if anything, i affirmed his note and what he was looking for. Nothing (been 2 weeks now). That's the ghosting part, and while my hopes were stepped on with all the usual feelings, i was moving away from them. Then, recently, he has been visiting my profile on the dating site. Still not saying a word or responding to my emails, but now he is a ghost who is haunting me lol. Sigh. WTF?!? He seemed to be an intelligent guy. i can only speculate, but i don't think he's just using my profile to jack off lol... though there are a couple of vids on my profile one could do that with. His profile says he's looking for more. i want to believe guys like this are not lying, they are just ignorant, immature (or a combination of both), and are ill equipped to have a relationship of any significance? i want to believe most of the guys who do this are not purposefully hurtful, that they are just ignorant or lazy, or both. Part of me wants to write this guy and explain the effect he has had and is having, i.e., educate the ignorant? On the other hand, i fear i might just be opening myself to more offensive behavior if his ego can't handle the truth. Mostly, i am just venting and opening discussion on the topic, with the now added "haunting" element. Seems a variation on stalking, but doesn't seem the same to me, i mean, how does a ghost stalk? (rolls eyes at life)

i've bottomed my hole life and have never experienced a mess. It's not so much the "mess" i worry about, but turning off the Man i'm with, or worse, disgusting Him. For me, the accompanying desire/needs of both are what's important, so i want to avoid anything that interferes with that. The implication of the OP is that an unclean hole is creating a disconnect between this Guy and His boyfriend, i'd hate that. i wonder if the bottom senses what the Top is feeling? i have a FB who is similarly inexperienced, but Top. If He is telling the truth, i'm the only guy He fucks. He's Bi and has a girl friend. Despite my attempts at explaining, He clearly has little to no idea what a bottom has to do to prepare. He does rinse the smell of sex off in my shower before returning to His straight life, so He always sees the shower shot in my shower, used prior to His visit. Thing is, He is spontaneous. He's been breeding me for a couple of years now and our hook-ups always are pretty instant. He texts: "free rn" (i.e., free right now), and only lives 15 minutes away. Lately, He's even closer and wants to breed. He will text me all hours of the day, sometimes 2x a day. He'll go a few days and nothing, then several in a row. i have no idea when He's going to text or want to fuck... which is natural of course. Thing is, His perception is He can pretty much get it whenever, all a Top has to do is stick it in, no real prep required. If an 'accident' is going to happen, it'll prolly be with Him lol. i scramble to get ready so i can accommodate His desire, and so far, it's been fine. A few times i've had some trapped water, but been clean. The truth is though there have been times when i just ate or don't want to have to do a rush or instant clean out, and we both miss out as a result. When two guys end up living together, the realities of prep are harder to disguise. i have fantasized of having a Top BF Who's lust is greater than His squeamish response, the He would fuck me when He wants/needs no matter what, and would be happy with that, it would be freeing for both. i have never seen a gay romantic movie where the topic of clean out is ever even alluded to, just tow guys having dinner at a restaurant, going home and passionately fucking as soon as the door closes when they get home. Right... i'll go a whole day without eating in anticipation of possibly being fucked, so He can have a clean hole, but really because i want Him to fully love what He is doing and getting.

One of the thoughts this "food" evoked: Do some cumdumps/bottoms help support and perpetrate the self absorbed/immature/inconsiderate attitudes of some? i don't think it's a black or white issue, but how many bottoms/cumdumps openly advertise and project that they are and want to be treated as "worthless" or "merely a fuckhole," "an object to be used" or "trash" or "______________." i think it's complicated. One can speculate on all sorts of reasons why some get into the kind of Top/bottom dynamic where Top is considered superior and bottom inferior. i think a lot of those who do this are often trying to meet a need that is more subtle than the manifest or projected desire. For instance, i think a lot of guys indulge in role play, but that is not the same as them believing they are actually the equivalent of the role they are playing. So, one may play the role of "trash" in an attempt to evoke a sort of primal lust from a potential experience, they want to get fucked by the TrashMan lol? Or on the other side, a guy may assume an attitude of superior indifference or swagger, playing a role as well because He needs/desires His cock and seed and associated lust to be needed/desired. If all He needed/desired was an "object" or "trash," a fleshjack could do. The goal of both is essentially the same: to elicit desire/need from the other for their own particular need/desire. i don't think of Top/bottom as superior/inferior, but i think that is where part of the problem derives. If one thinks of their self as inferior, worthless, trash, where's the surprise when a certain number of guys treat them as such? Again, i don't think this is a simple question or answer. i think a lot of what is real about who and how we are gets blurred behind the roles and labels we use and assume, that we end up not seeing or losing touch with the real reasons behind our desires, serving the labels instead of just using them as a means to attempt to communicate what is really there, what is really felt, what is really wanted/needed.

hntnhole mirrors several of my thoughts and feelings on this one. At the end of the day, i don't really want this kind of guys seed inside of me. Getting bred for me is more than just me getting sex, it's about both of us getting our desires/needs met. To me, the connection is way to important to reduce and denigrate it the way some do. When a Man has His orgasm inside of me, to me He is having His pleasure, desire, need inside of me. There's a connection, transference, impartation of Himself into me. The lying, fake flakes... i don't want them or their seed inside of me. i think hntnhole is right, it all adds up and ends up hurting them more than us. We are better off without them. they sully our environment, definitely a pollutant. Like hntnhole, i've gotten to a place where i try to avoid the places that seem to be the most polluted with them.

"Bathhouses as Communal Brothels" Not to me. i think i understand the point being made, but it's a stretch to far for me. Paying for an opportunity to have sex (e.g. a bathhouse), is not the same as paying the individual i am having sex with as a requisite to having sex with Him (whether directly or through an intermediary like a pimp or "brothel"). A vital element of sex for me is an expression of mutual desire/need. I.e., each person involved wants/needs the other persons need/desire for fulfillment. While an argument might be made that a sex worker 'loves' his work, from my side, i would not be able to get around my aversion to the notion he is only, or primarily, having sex with me for money. Lol, i won't even have sex with a versatile guy unless i am confident he really wants a total bottom at the time. Why? Because His fulfillment is connected to mine, and if i feel i cannot honestly give Him what He wants/needs, i'd rather go without. my perception of a bathhouse is it's a place where guys go to get there sexual needs/desires met, not their monetary desires/needs. All are paying for the opportunity, neither party is being financially remunerated. If i thought someone was being paid to have sex with me, even as a gift, i'd pass.

Our responses crossed in the ether, but i wondered if some of my response might answer Your thoughts. i think you nail it with "Well, how about communicating then...." i think that's the challenge because what we are trying to communicate doesn't have words or common context that's specially equipped to convey those wants/needs on either side of the slash. Add to that, that for many, i don't think this leaves the emotions and travels up to the frontal lobe where it's been given much thought or rationale... which seems necessary to me if we're going to try to communicate this stuff with words. Here's an example for context that uses "destroyed" as a descriptor: A Top tells me He wants to "destroy" or "wreck" my hole. i don't think most tops or Tops literally want to destroy/wreck the bottoms hole. i think the sexual spectrum comes into play, and their are some tops that literally want to destroy/wreck the thing they desire/need/crave, that if they can destroy the object of their desire/need, they can remove the opportunity for expression. i think most tops (or bottoms) who use those terms fall into a sort of in between place and "destroyed/wrecked" doesn't literally mean either. i stumble over those words whenever a top uses them with me and i have not heard the tone or attitude he has when using them. There are more neutral words that some use "stretch, open, ______," but are less... passionate, lol. And i think 'passion' is the crux of it. That the drive or our needs/wants (Top or bottom) are primal. As i see it, one attribute of a "Top" is He is hard wired to create and a bottom is hired wired to be the clay the Top uses to mold and create. i see the desire/need for a "wrecked/destroyed" hole as a expression of impregnation, creation, effecting, marking, connecting. i think those are some of the drivers and needs being fulfilled, but the heteronormative terms and situations we grew up with don't quite fit, so we have to come up with new and different ways to communicate our different needs/wants, which is further complicated by the emotional conditioning we have against those things, so our terms often end up being paradoxical. Also, our experiences, depending on the individuals involved.

"Most degrading thing "straight" guy has done to you?" my original answer wasn't really a good one for the actual question. Taken on it's own, as a simple question, for me the most degrading thing a straight guy has done to me is reject or treat me as less than because i'm gay. Rationally, i think he degrades himself more than me in that attitude/act, but emotionally, i can be devastated even by a casual acquaintance who does that. i don't think any guy ('straight' or otherwise) who ends up using me sexually qualifies as "rejecting" me. Nothings says "i need/want you" like putting your cock and seed in a person. i believe a lot of the guys who feel the need to be mean about the connection are transferring their lack of self esteem onto the guy they are using and the person they are rejecting is their self. Referring back to my original response, i have been with Men who have the need/desire to "degrade," but have an honest and affectionate acceptance of who and how They are, as well as an honest and affectionate acceptance of who and how Their recipient is. i've come to believe that the feelings of degradation and humiliation that both are experiencing are deeply embedded culturally conditioned emotions. That there's a sort of dissonance that can be experienced where need/desire is affirmed and fulfilled, even though it evokes conditioned emotions at the same time. i suspect it's not the actual degradation or humiliation that is so powerfully erotic and pleasurable, but the deep acceptance, lust and need that is being expressed for who we are, despite the conditioning against those things.

my personal desire/need for degradation took me a long time to understand. It's not generic, actually has to have certain elements for me. i do not consider myself 100% sub, rather, i have sub connecting places that some Tops have surfaced. If a guy is forceful or bulling, purposefully mean, all of those things shut me down, close me off. Depending on the guy, it can even result in a defensive reflex in me. i was with a guy at a bathhouse once who was on top of me and pinched my nipples really hard, he was instantly on the floor and me on top of him. He saw i was pissed and backed way down and we went forward in a vanilla way, He bred me. my need/desire for degradation is mixed with my Top being affectionate, but also needing/wanting to degrade me. For instance, WS can be a big connecting place in me, but it all depends on His tone. i hate role play, so if is just by rote, it doesn't work. Also, opened if He is just doing it because i want/need it. The connection of mutual need/desire has to be there. He has His cock in my mouth or ass and wants/needs to piss, there's this energy that can happen where He discerns i want/need it and it's like both our need/desire connects and feeds off each other. i've experienced this, and it's been FUCKING INCREDIBLE. He starts out a little tentative, sort of feeling me out, but when He sees He has me, He continues with a matter of fact confidence, for instance, His cock may be in my mouth and He says: "i really want to you to drink my piss from my cock." His tone and expressed desire connect to my desire to be used in that degrading way and my response encourages Him to open more, saying: "i want to use you as my toilet." Again, my heat ramps up, and He sees His power and effect on me and continues to control the situation: "you really want to be my toilet, don't you." Getting me to admit it's true. He has not made me do anything, what He has done is exposed me as someone who loves Him and His desire to use me as His toilet. THat's a culturally degrading act, but for me it is simultaneously degrading, fulfilling and affirming. That's just one example for me.

For me, it's more about the energy a Guy exudes. initial glance, i love slender guys, not all that into heavy muscle. Ironically, my current most frequent FB is a young Muscle Guy, which confirms for me that it's about the energy. He's a quiet, sweet, unassuming Guy, Who wants and needs to breed. When He fucks, His personality comes out alternating between sweetly kissing my neck and shoulders, to spanking my ass and slamming it like a jack hammer. After, He quietly asks if i liked it. Visually, if i'm at the gym, or anywhere really, slight or slender guys with a bubble butt turn my head, and yet, i'm total bottom. Shorter, younger Total Tops are a mind fuck for me, but if it's ongoing, there needs to be maturity. As for me, i've always been total bottom, and i have been 6'5" since i was 14. When i was younger, i was 160 lbs and i bordered on emaciated i was so skinny. i have a sunken chest and when i was super skinny, i really looked like i needed a meal or ten. i remember venturing out, wanting to be around some gay guys when i was 18. i went to the gay section of Venice Beach in SoCal and found some obviously gay guys and put my towel near by. i overheard them talking about me in a less than flattering way as i lay there, and it only made me more embarrassed about my skinny body. Now i weigh in just under 200lbs, still skinny, but do enough weights to have a little bit of chest and ass. i try to stay skinny because it feels more bottom to me.

"take My cock, I know you need it" Take My seed, I know you need it" Take My piss, I know you need it" Not said in a mean or forceful way, just fully knowing He is right, matter of fact.

About 10 minutes ago. my sweet Latino muscle Boy. i don't write about Him every time He breeds me, He is so spontaneous, i have to scramble to prep for Him, and have discovered just how fast i can prep lol.... sometimes it's a little scary. Haven't had any accidents, but have had a little trapped water a few times, always clean though. He's shy, doesn't say very much. We met on Squirt, so sometimes i write Him notes telling Him how much i like how He fucks and some of the ways He turns me on. He seems to like hearing that stuff, but never responds with words. Tonight He fucked like a beast, He was wild touching and scratching (not hard) my back, spanking my ass. He has a lot of stamina and i know He keeps fucking after He has cum. i'm a skinny guy. i go to the gym and do what i call my "skinny white boy routine" just to stay tone and have a firm round ass to breed, but i have no desire to have big muscles... i feel a lot more bottom being the skinny guy lol. i know, so many different flavors out there, glad some Men like my flavor, i'll take any Man who wants/needs to breed, not sure how many Tops feel the same way about bottoms, so i am always grateful when there is that mutaal desire/need. Fuck i am wet with seed, i feel so alive.

You are not A "prick." As i see it, it's only worth having if all want it, even better if all need it. i'd rather go without than have a guy fuck me who was just going through the motions and didn't want me, and me want Him. That's half the equation as far as i'm concerned. i just don't get someone who would still have sex with me knowing i don't want it. If there's a "prick" in the equation, it's the guy who would fuck you after you've repeatedly said "no."

i think you are a wonderfully intelligent and insightful person. i am impressed that, despite the awful treatment you have received by those who should love you, you have a level head and a compassionate heart. Still, these people, i believe, are poisonous evil. Personally, i think most evil is inadvertent and born out of ignorance vs being purposeful, though i think that exists too. Still, one cannot remain unaffected swimming in a sewer. i am so glad to read that you live in a country that is not unsafe for gay people. Please seriously consider getting away from these people who would harm you. WTF, your life long friend actually hit you in the face. That is horrible, he is without excuse, but a good example of how so called "friends" and acquaintances can do great evil when their fragile ideas are challenged by someone who is different. These people are less mature and more ignorant than unschooled children, they are not a healthy culture to be a part of. They are inbred and sick. i hope you leave them behind.

i know this is speculative on my part. i believe our "tastes" and predilections are from both nature and nurture. i have read some studies that suggest that nurture can become part of our genetic makeup and, thus, be passed along that way. i'm pretty confident my attraction to Men is intrinsic after trying so many years to change and still loving Men as much, if not more, than i ever did. The expressions of my attraction to Men has evolved hugely over time, but the foundation of attraction is still the same. i married when i was religious and part of the culture this thread is discussing, and have two sons. Both of them stayed religious when i came out (they were both adults when they learned i'm gay). They pretty much disowned me, though that may be changing after 16 years, and they remain very religious. They both are married and have kids, and i'm sure have made all the 'right' choices in raising their kids to ensure none of them turns out gay. Their kids are getting older, teens etc., and i am curious to see if one or more out of the six ends up being gay despite all the programing they have received to the contrary. Stay tuned.

Fuck, this makes my heart ache to read. i know, i have been there, the childhood friend as well. i even had a crush on my childhood friend. What you are experiencing and learning is what it means to be different in a world that considers it's ways to be the only right way to be and live. It is perplexing, rightfully, that those you love and want to be friends with, do not love you back. It really is central to much of what is wrong with this world, narrow, small minded people who cannot grow beyond their own sandbox. What is wrong is not you, just because you are different, but them. If you were in a position to do so, it might help if you moved, left these people behind, and started over again. Find a place where there are more gays and where gays are more accepted. It may be a hard thing to do (i did it), but in the long run, it pays off.

Fundamentalist Christianity (or any fundamentalism really, fundamentalist Islam justifies bombing and killing 'sinners' using the same exact attitude toward their bible), is not a faith based belief system, though they think they are. Instead, they treat their ideas about the bible as knowledge. They call the bible "The inerrant word of God," and "the truth," but what they are actually doing is calling their interpretation of what they read "the word of God." What they have done is elevated their own perceptions to "God" status. They do not see that it is they who have decided that the bible is the "word of God" as is their perception of "God." It's truly bizarre how they leave their self out of the equation when it comes to assigning stuff to "God." The hypocrisy of fundamentalist Christianity is endless. So many of the fundamentalist leaders today have used "God" to get rich, for instance, and there is a whole lot more in the bible about money than there is about guys having sex with each other. Even one of the most popular bible portions used against gays condemns more of the preachers using them than it does the gays they are using them against, these verses rank "greedy" right along with the gays these mega church preachers are condemning. This is from I Corinthians 6: "...you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers and sisters. 9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men[a] 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

The good news is, it is not difficult for many, maybe even the majority? of people to "accept that someone is gay." Unfortunately, you happen to be in a culture that suffers from extreme ethnocentricity, and worse, has "God's" seal of approval. Some religions are very ethnocentric. Lot's of inbreeding and isolation helps ensure ignorance. i get it, i came out of a similar situation. i now joke: "being gay saved me from "God."" What really happened is being gay is reality for me and, though i spent a big chunk of my life trying to do what "God" wanted, and trying to be who i 'should be,' trying to be straight was a lie for me, it was dishonest and unreal. It took awhile for me to realize that it was not being gay that was wrong, but it was the fucked up ideas i'd been conditioned with by people who believe they know "God" and what "God" thinks and feels. It took me a long, long time to realize that what i thought was "God" was really just other peoples ideas about "God" that i had been conditioned to believe were "God." Sadly, these people, your 'friend,' equate their beliefs with "God," so to them, rejecting those ideas feels equal to rejecting "God." It was hard for me to escape that conditioning, and hell, i was gay and had that strong drive to help me. i figure it must be really hard for someone who does not have a strong reality i their life that goes against their ideas and condiioning, to actually get free of it. Personally, i see it as a cult, but one that has become sort of mainstream. When i accepted myself, i literally lost everything. A sizable estate that i had worked my entire life to build, went to my former ("God" believing wife). i lost all my friends because, hey, they were all part of the same belief system and they were not going to associate with a 'rebel' like me who had turned his back on "God" just so he could get fucked by Men. But the universe, or whatever it is, proved to be on my side. i don't deny the pain of rejection and loss, but i gained freedom, honesty, and peace. Ironic about the "peace," because the religion i was part of claimed that it gave "peace that surpasses understanding." i had nothing but pain, shame and guilt when i was a part of that system. Since leaving that behind, i have rebuilt and i am one happy, peaceful cocksucking faggot. Something else that can come with digging out of this landfill is understanding. i understand so much more about human nature and people in general as a result. The poison can be turned to medicine. best to you babe.

i'm re-watching the series "Looking" on HBO, and recently finished watching the more cynically titled "Uncoupled" gay series on Netflix. i confess, i have a decided romantic side to me. While i do not particularly 'long' for a romantic relationship, it is ever a lingering part of who i am. i've watched a million gay movies, lots of series with gay characters, but have never experienced anything like what is portrayed in the media in real life. Okay, i know, it's fiction... but isn't some of it trying to portray something real, or maybe an ideal? idk, just cogitating here. Couple of the things that kept slapping me while watching "Looking" last night was how spontaneous sex always is. True about all the gay movies as well. i have never seen one where you hear the scratch of the record sound and the bottom stops the heat of the moment action saying: "wait, i have to clean out." Something else i noticed in "Looking" is how they are always eating yet are always gym fit. Hell, if i think there's a possibility He may wanna breed me, i'm fasting. And there is no way i could eat like these guys. Besides the romantic tangles, the media also portrays friendships. i recently had a one year 'relationship' end. At first, it ended sadly/badly. It was tough, we really love each other, but sexually it wasn't working (for me). He has ED and i'm a total bottom, so you can prolly do the math. i wanted to continue having a friendship even though sex was out of the picture, but He is sexually attracted to me and could not have a platonic relationship, so he ended it completely. i get it, but am sad about the loss of all the other stuff we had in the relationship. i've tried to have a 'gay' social life, but it's hard to have even gay friends it seems. Most of my gay social life is online, which while i am grateful for that, seems sorta pathetic. What about all those gay dinner parties with lively interaction while feasting those gym fit bodies on unhealthy food? What are your experiences/desires/wants when it comes to gay romance and friendships? Are you getting what you want and need?

i love how you are bringing in both perspectives here. i see two distinct groups in D/s Top/bottom (which is not to say there aren't more, just for the sake of discussion here): those who get off (on both sides) on control through force, bullying, a certain level of meanness. The other is what i relate to as "affectionate control." For me, it's a lot more of a mind fuck, deeper and more of a complete connection. A top could likely force or bully me into drinking his piss, but making me do it means that he'd only have my submission in act, not my heart. When i feel affection, consideration mixed with a Mans lust/need, i become fully engaged (if we have the kink in common) and His demeanor evokes the need/desire in me to please Him. He does not create that need/desire in me, He is controlling and using something already there. For me, it is much more powerful when a Man is open, honest, real about His desires/needs. Not in a needy way, just matter of fact. If He says right up front: "i really want to use you as my toilet and have you drink my piss from my cock," He'd put me in instant heat because this stuff is essentially about us connecting and bonding at a deep and real level. His being open and real facilitates that, and He is exercising control that He may (or may not) fully realize He naturally has with me and how i am wired. Him taking His time to 'train' and help me become His good piss drinker makes it very personal vs a generic process. Him letting a little piss go while His cock is in my mouth, them affirming me when i swallow and please Him only serves to make me want to please Him more.