tallslenderguy

Right? i think the impediment is fundamentalism, whether it's christian, islam, judaism, they all have fundamentalist sects, and those are the guys that end up putting gays in jail or flying jets into buildings. They remove their "self" from the equation and manage to think and operate as though somehow they know what "God" thinks and wants. It's a really weird detach, but they are convinced we just have not seen as they have. i think they "fall" all the time, really, that their attitude is fallen, they just don't see it.

For me, the word doesn't matter really, it's the attitude of the guy using the word, and what he is trying to convey. For instance, i've heard/read some guys (top and bottom) use "pussy" and mean it in a derogative, demeaning way, and it's a turn off and shut down for me. On the other hand, I've heard/read some guys (Top and bottom), where it's an expression of lust and their thrill of being and fucking with the other person. i will not receive or breed with a guy who is conveying contempt for me (and, i think, indirectly, himself). To me, a big part of fucking is experiencing the symbiosis of mutual desire for the other. If that's not there, i'd rather go without. So, for me, it's not the words, but what the user is conveying, and that's not a standard thing.

lol, ironically, i learned some Greek when i was part of a religious culture. i thought i remembered from other posts you have made that you are Greek? Wow, that is very cool information about "erastis" and "eromenos." It's interesting to me to consider the ebb and flow of different cultures. Part of cultural ethnocentricity seems to be each culture seems to consider the current as the most advanced (progressive?), yet in many ways, that just doesn't bear out. When is comes to male with male sex, 'ancient' Greek culture seems a lot more "progressive."

Not that this can be done on a practical or multiple basis, but we are learning it is possible to erradicate HIV from infected people. "The latest patient, the fourth to be cured in this way, is known as the "City of Hope" patient after the U.S. facility in Duarte, California, where he was treated, because he does not want to be identified. As well as being the oldest, the patient has also had HIV the longest, having been diagnosed in 1988 with what he described as a "death sentence" that killed many of his friends. He has been on antiretroviral therapy (ART) to control his condition for more than 30 years." [think before following links] https://www.ctvnews.ca/health/fourth-and-oldest-patient-yet-cured-of-hiv-according-to-researchers-1.6004148?utm_source=ground.news&utm_medium=referral

i think the Greeks have/had the language/word things more right. As hntnhole points out, they have several words for love. For instance "phileo" is descriptive of friendship love, while "eros" speaks to sexual love. At least it seems their language is more detailed in its meaning. i don't think "love requires" anything, i think people require, and love is a word we use to try and convey a feeling. i think there are moments we can experience of perfect, or near perfect connection/communication, i think that is an ongoing pursuit though, versus a constant we reach and stay at.

my sub side doesn't present to everyone. It is always a part of me, but it's a part of me that is mostly responsive to a Guy with certain attributes. i sent a short, introductory message to a Guy on a site just yesterday who had "Dom" in his screen name. His only response was "so, you gonna be my remote slave, or what?" lol, that was a total shut down for me. i wrote back that i don't make such a commitment to a total stranger and wished him luck. To me, D/s is a natural attraction and bonding of opposites, yin/yang. As you note, there have been myriad terms used to try and describe this at different times in history, in different cultures, but i think the underlying reality of opposites in life, nature, is a constant. While i think there are broad, general commonalities between 'subs' and "Doms,' the reality is we're all individuals and even our individuality is fluid. From what i have experienced, there are a lot of guys in the D/s community who want to have (their) static definition of Dom or sub as the standard that, if deviated from, disqualifies another as D or s. It seems to me that there are some things about you that attract the "Dom" in question, and other things that make Him want to be "done with." But we are all a mixed bag, eh? i doubt there is such a thing as a perfect fit, so in relationship i look for Guys who are self aware and can articulate Their thoughts, needs, desires, identity, etc.. To me, that's a way we can discover if we have enough compatibility to connect, and maybe even bond. A lot of guys opt for short term connects vs long term bonding. i think there are advantages to both. The first is easier, quicker, the latter has more potential for depth.

On another note. i work at a hospital too and there is a group of guy nurses who hang together all the time. They fish and hunt together, have lunch together on their breaks, and endlessly talk sports with each other. They obviously have affection for each other, all of them are married to women. They, and many of their co-workers, frequently refer to their relationship as "bromance." I've even wondered if one of them is bi because he frequently mentions when he thinks another guy is sexy or handsome. If i had to guess, i'd say none of these guys has ever had male on male sex.

i think a lot of confusion that we can experience in life can be traced to our notions of what should be vs the reality of what is. As humans, we use words to facilitate communication, but words are not the end all. We cannot realistically use a static term to describe the fluid state that is life. i'd think trying to fit all men into one of two categories, "gay" or "straight," would be a source of a great deal of confusion. i don't think it reflects reality. Words are an attempt to convey what is, we define them. i think we get into trouble when we try to conform or make them define us. The fact that the term "bromance" even exists, to me, means it's "a thing" to those who use the term to try and communicate their feelings, desires, experience, etc., but it does not necessarily mean the same exact thing to everyone who uses the term. For instance, you don't have to go to far to find examples of literal brothers who have romantic feelings for each other and are having sex. i know that's not what you were referring to, but it illustrates how broad human experience can be and how limited and generic the terms we use to try and communicate are.

Door closer. This one blows my mind that someone can be so desperate and petty. i've been at an ABS doing GH sex and have had a guy come through and close the doors to the booths on either side of my booth so others will think them occupied.

Excerpt from link below: "But this year more than 15,000 cases have been reported in countries that historically don’t see the disease. In the U.S. and Europe, the vast majority of infections have happened in men who have sex with men, though health officials have stressed that anyone can catch the virus. It spreads mainly through skin-to-skin contact, but it can also be transmitted through linens used by someone with monkeypox. Although it's been moving through the population like a sexually transmitted disease, officials have been watching for other types of spread that could expand the outbreak. Symptoms include fever, body aches, chills, fatigue and the bumps on parts of the body. The illness has been relatively mild in many men, and no one has died in the U.S. But people can be contagious for weeks, and the lesions can be extremely painful." [think before following links] https://www.11alive.com/article/news/nation-world/monkeypox-std/507-2df38115-971f-4f36-984a-dbba0b4bbf29?utm_source=ground.news&utm_medium=referral

i like theater type venues better, and am with you re glory hole sex, but 'any port in a storm' lol. When i lived in KY, there were theater venues i liked much better, and still found a similar population since it was near a military base. Timing was a surprising part of it i found, which is how i put together that a lot of the guys who were there at that time were on the dL and in relationships with women. i cannot count the number of tops i got in quick, short order on their way home. i think they are out there, just in a different context. As to the size thing... yeah, i'm a 6'5" bottom. i try and stay skinny for the reason you state. i'm particularly turned on by opposites though, so i like when a smaller guy is into topping me.

i think the notion that there are more bottoms than tops is wrong. i think it's probably the other way around that there are more top men than bottom, or there are more men who tend to be top more often than bottom in their needs/desires. Okay, lol, reality check, i am speaking all men in general: straight, bi, gay, etc.. If i am feeling particularly horny, i go to an ABS at lunch or 'quitting time', when all the guys coupled with women are getting their other needs met on the dL at lunch time or before going home to the woman. IOW, if culture allowed men to have sex as they need/want, i think there would be a lot more balance than there is in a sub culture called the "gay community." i was married to a woman for 30 years and performed as a 'top' in that relationship (and it almost killed something in me). I'd be lying if i said there was not a part of me that both enjoyed being top and enjoyed even being with a woman. The key is, it was a very small "part" of me. Looking at the big or whole picture of 'me,' neither being top or being with a woman is/was healthy or sustainable for me (or her) because the relationship did not meet enough of the physical, emotional, cognitive (and spiritual?) needs of who each of us is/was to sustain a healthy relationship. We come up with these "labels," that no one seems to completely like or love, but they are part of our effort to communicate. Perhaps ironically, the impetus behind their use is a desire to be seen as the individuals we are, not as a number in a group. i have long thought one of the more challenging ways to be wired is "versatile" "gay." i think a lot of guys end up assuming that means a versatile guy can choose Top or bottom at any given time as their position of need/desire. But i think reality is the other way around, i.e., our need/desire dictates our position, not the position dictates the need/desire. i think it's a hell of a lot simpler to be more at one or the other end of the spectrum. There's a fairly frequent complaint that versatile guys are really just bottoms faking it, but i suspect that complaint is from bottoms who want to "pigeon hole" a versatile guy into being top, when what they need/desire, is both. Great discussion!

i don't want to live in a world or relationship where someone else is telling me how i 'should' be or what i 'should' do. Nor do i want that for anyone else. i know there are people who want that, but i think the key is they "want" that, i.e., it's still based on what they want. But i see that as an individual choice, not a group dictate. To me the notion that anyone can know or dictate another's sexuality (in this case), takes away another persons volition, i see it as the same energy behind certain kinds of religion, or totalitarian regimes like North Korea. Another dictating a rule that our sex or position qualifies as a "should" thing (be it "Top, bottom, versatile, etc."), removes one of the more important elements of sex: mutual need/desire. When i need/want sex, it's about finding someone who needs/wants to fuck and seed me. i'm attracted to that because i need/want to be fucked and seeded. Though i believe sexuality can be fluid, reality is, there are different kinds of fluid. For instance, glass is fluid, but it moves so slowly that it cannot be discerned very well. I.e., the Top of glass is moving to the bottom, but so slowly that most people don't even realize it's fluid or moves lol. Not a perfect analogy, but hopefully most will get it. i go to the gym and have to be careful not to stare an Mens asses. Do i ever wanna fuck and breed it? So rarely that i just identify as "total bottom," but the option is always there because it's not about what i "should" be but what i am at any given moment, which happens to have been "total bottom" for 99.999999% of my life . If a guy comes along and tells me i "should" or must be bottom and take his cock, seed, piss, it's no longer a mutual act (for me). On the other hand, if a Man tells me He "wants" me to take HIs cock, seed, piss, it pulls on a part of me that i call "total bottom" and i suddenly want what He wants. It's even more powerful for me if He can be vulnerable and express it as need, it awakens a 'need' response in me too. To me, we are negatively and positively charged ions, attracting and bonding, except it's a whole lot more complex.

More the other way around for me. i feel like a different person when i'm not horny and in heat.

Found a blue with white polka dots combo of hanky and tie on amazon. [think before following links] https://www.amazon.com/Turquoise-White-Polka-Skinny-Handkerchief/dp/B07KMPMHM5

Wow, some interesting comments and thoughts expressed on this thread. Re the original question, i cannot remember ever being in denial about my attraction to guys, i can trace it back to specific instances as young as 7 years old. i did grow up in a time and culture that conditioned me to believe that my attraction to guys was both 'sick' and 'sinful.' i can remember going to the library as a kid and finding books on homosexuality. Most of them were medical type books. Prior to 1973, the medical community officially labeled homosexuality as a "mental disorder." As an unsophisticated and ignorant kid, i was trying to find my way. The religious culture i was raised in considers homosexuality perversion of "Gods" intent and "sinful." As a kid, when i checked out other forms of authority (medical science), it pretty much confirmed for me i was both 'sick' and "sinful." It might actually have been easier for me had i been in denial about how i am, but i never actually denied my attraction to guys to myself. i didn't tell anyone else till i was 19 years old, when i "confessed" my attraction to guys in a church meeting as part of my effort to resist of change my "sick, sinful" predilection. To me, that's very different from denial, and i suspect more than a few from similar cultural circumstances we in a similar boat. Being sexually attracted in a different way was isolating. So many of us grew up with shame, guilt, feeling less than, inferior, etc.. On the other hand, i think for many of us, being different has given us insight and perspective that someone who has not been there does not have... at least, experientially. i want to think LBGTQ etc., people should be among the most understanding, open and accepting populations out there, but our culture seems to have all the types of people as the dominant cultures do. It seems to me people fall into one of two groups of disposition, and i think for most it's unconscious: those who live and operate under what they believe are absolutes that can be and are known (by them). On the opposite side of that spectrum (to me) i see those who's only absolute knowledge (beyond arithmetic) is the functional realization their current conclusions could be wrong. To me, it's not the words or "labels" we use that fail us, it's the users. We use words/labels as part of our method of communication. One might tell me: "I'm gay." An absolutist (as described above) may take those two words and apply their particular "knowledge" of both "I'm" and "gay," and end up either partially or totally missing actually 'seeing' or 'hearing' the person i front of them, and instead only see their idea or notion of that person. i don't think anyone is totally immune from this. Our brains store both feelings and cognitive ideas about words/labels, and i think the only work around is the pursuit and practice of continuous awareness; purposeful looking and listening vs presumptive 'knowledge.' i think our typical notion of "knowledge" is backwards. That instead of it being an end point, it is only a beginning point, and that ongoing seeing and hearing put us more in touch with reality than stored knowledge does.

i, and many other bottoms might dispute this lol. People have sex with the goal of pleasure much more than the goal of making a baby, so i think the argument that sex is solely has the goal of procreation is based in cultural notions more than reality. i think one of the funnier facts of nature is that every human sex organ also has a dual function of waste removal. Every 20 or so days a woman sloughs the lining of her uterus and blood and tissue are passed through her vagina for about a week. Sort of a week-long frontal bowel movement lol. And of course, a cock can both breed and piss, and frankly, i respond to a Man who wants to piss in me as another form of breeding, impregnation of both His desire and substance He makes with His body.

i've long fantasized (from a bottom perspective) about a similar arrangement. i thought of a neighbor type set up with an open back door policy, but living together could work too. i guess i'd qualify as a "cumdump" in many respects. my issue is availability of cocks. i live in a smallish town (60k). Pre pandemic, i could go to the local ABS and farily reliably get 4 or 5 loads in a reasonable amount of time. But getting bred has evolved over time. Prior to the internet, when cruising was how one got sex, getting bred could be reliable and almost routine. Once the internet became the dominant form of hook up, i had pretty good success with CL for anonymous breed and go. Over time though, that has become almost more work than it's worth, a case of diminishing returns. Taking into account disease and reliability, FB's have been my greatest source for sex the last couple of years. Beyond the above stated factors, my biggest challenge with being a bottom receiving loads is largely practical, i.e. being cleaned out and ready. i have one FB who'd likely breed me daily, and often more than once a day, if we could do it spontaneously. More often than not, when He contacts me it's: "are you available rn?" ("rn= right now"). Yesterday it took me 10 minutes to reply, and He'd already gone on to other things. i stopped what i was doing, got in the shower and prepped after replying, only to find out after prepping that He had gone out to do something else. i honestly don't care if He went to the store or found another hook up, but it left me ready and with no cock. He contacted me 2 hours later, but by that time i had eaten and was unsure about being clean. my nature and desire is to take cock and cum (and piss for that matter), i.e., a Mans lust and need, any time it's presented. It's in my wiring to want to present receptively any time a Man presents or may wanna present for penetration. i've even held a long time fantasy of having a connection so complete that He would know He can penetrate me to cum or piss in me even if i am sleeping. In the context of a live in or always available situation, it seems to me it would most practically work if both were not squeamish about clean out. i think i'd be able to get past that if i knew my Tops lust was unaffected/unimpeded by it. But if He is grossed out in any way, it would not work for me either. As a receptive bottom, my lust is connected and responsive to His. This is not often, if ever, discussed. i know i am not unique or alone in this. Psychologically, i'm a 24/7 cumdump, it's the physical that impedes that.

Despite the progress we have made towards finding social acceptance as 'normal,' there is still a hugh sector of society that thinks being gay is "sick, perverted, abnormal, etc., etc.." i think this is the foundation that builds and sustains the ongoing ignorance about HIV. The recent pandemic made it abundantly clear that there is a hugh segment of society that does not know what science is or how it works, and worse, are emotionally invested in fighting against science, often inadvertently. i think ignorance is the biggest cause of inadvertent evil. Some poor person is born into this segment of culture, has it as their primary source of information for the formative part of their life, and have to somehow coordinate that with the reality of having a 'different' sexual drive from what they've been taught they're supposed to be/have. i think ignorance in the information age is more emotional than cognitive. Fear often trumps reason and perpetuates ignorance. Still, sex is a strong drive, so we find ourselves having haphazard discussions about HIV transmission at some almost comical moments. It's sorta funny when a guy is pressing His cock into you and as an aside queries: "by the way, am i gonna die from this?"

All my fucks early on fit the "emergency" category, when cruising was the only way to get sex, prior to apps and internet cruising. After the internet, while my methods became "bed," it really was a variation of all three, all anonymous where i was waiting on my bed ass up with my door unlocked and a Top comes in and breeds and leaves. The use of internet or apps is just an evolutionary step in cruising. Before Covid, it was that or ABS. i've written about this on BZ before, but one of my favorite "emergency" fucks happened while driving down a street. Guy pulled up next to me and just glanced over at me. He pulled in front of me and i followed Him into a Burger King parking lot. He went in and i followed Him into a restroom. He wordlessly shut and locked the door behind us, pulled my pants down, turned me around and bent me over. He unzipped, spat on my hole and slid in and bred me. Again, never a word spoken, He zipped up after seeding me, unlocked the door and left. i had to scramble to lock the door and pull my pants back up. i left happy and bred. Prior to internet hook up, most of my sex was similar, parks, restrooms, understall breeding happened a lot.

Wow, that's really amazing to me to read You hadn't cumm for 75 days. As a total bottom, i will go long stretches without cumming because it makes me even hornier and needier for a Top. When i do cum after a long while, it's a big load. i never thought of a Top going without, but wow, i would have felt so, idk, honored to get Your 75 day load. Not just the cum, but the pent up energy, sort of well seasoned orgasm that You had, as you say: "Best fuck [you] had in ages." i love receiving a Mans cock, desire, cum inside of me, but i also love receiving His orgasm and intense pleasure, i swear it feels like they transfer from Him into me, so fucking Hot.

Yesterday. Same FB i've written about the last several times i've posted here. He contacts me often and usually wants "right now." Despite trying to explain to Him about preparing, He doesn't seem to get it. i was all prepared to go out and work in the yard, finish installing my drip system, when He texted me. i told Him i couldn't right then and tried to put it off till today, honestly though, i'd been horny ask weekend and had jerked off 3 times just to take the edge off (i usually only do that every week or ten days because i like being a horny bottom and wanting a Top). He said "Please" and i caved lol. He was very horny, so He had a lot of energy. When we first started hooking, He was quiet, i couldn't even tell when He came, though He'd tell me later He usually cums two or three times when fucking me. He's starting to make more sounds now, and i really love it, showing His pleasure ramps me up, and i'm already ramped anyway. Something else He is doing more of is kissing. i'm on my stomach waiting for Him when He comes in, yesterday He kissed my ass, waist, back and shoulders, very lightly and tenderly. That really has a possessing energy for me, it's like a seed enhancer, He owned me. He fucked me very hard and deep, i almost came at one point just from getting fucked. He seeded me deep.

This is not meant to be combative. To me this reads as though you are saying there really are no intrinsic distinctions, rather: "people like boxes," and these things are all a matter of choice and having an "open mind?" I.e., those who may identify using different "boxes" like "man, woman, black, white, gay, str8, bottom, top" are being closed minded? Given your list and how you "keep an open mind" means you can be: "man, woman, black, white, gay, str8, bottom, top" whenever you choose? Something that keeps me from connecting with some guys who identify as "versatile" is a superior attitude some take that because they are versatile they are better, more open minded. Implying someone who is different means they do not have an open mind ( e.g., "bottom", or "Top") does not strike me as "open minded." To me, it comes off as ethno/ego centric to assume if someone is not like me, they are just being close minded. That may be because i grew up in a religious culture that insisted i couldn't be gay... and i believed them and their superior attitude for many years, they seemed so confident they knew what they were talking about. They made an argument they were right because i had sex with a woman and made kids. Performing that way really fucked with me, it was a denial of who i am. i do not think that is what you are doing, but to me you do seem to be making versatility into its own box? You do not seem to believe people who say they are "Top" or "bottom?" i do not claim to understand all of this that's why i think discussions like this are great. i wish you would 'hear' me when i say i am not like you and not just dismiss me as being closed minded. BTW, i have the same feeling towards those who think Top is superior and bottom inferior. To me, they are just different. i think it's possible to be man, woman, black, white, gay, str8, bottom, top... and even versatile (kidding), and keep an open mind. i think i am being open minded when i accept you at face value when you say you are versatile. You do not have to be either "Top" or "bottom."

Adding more to my previous post. i see to major schools or thought and emotional response when considering Top/bottom/versatile: some seem to think it's a choice, others go so far as to say they were "born 'that' way." For me, it's combined. Physically, i can choose to top, psychologically i seem to be wired bottom. On the rare occasions i have topped, very specific criteria have to aline, some i am aware of, others reasons are blurry, Not so with bottoming. If a Man needs/desires to breed me, pretty much all "criteria" have been met lol. One thing that is important to me in this discussion is to take another guy at face value. I.e., i do not get to chose or dictate who he or how he is based on who or how i am. i may wish him to be Top, but would rather go without than have a guy go against who he is just to accommodate me. For me, that feels to much like what i did half my life when i was married to a woman. i went against who and how i am to accommodate a person and an idea. i don't want to do that to or with another person. For me, it goes back to my psychological wiring i guess. i do not just want to get physically penetrated and bred, i want to be 'psychologically' penetrated and bred, and that requires connecting with real need and desire of both involved.

i think this is a great topic for discussion, thanks for posting it NWUSHorny. i only have a few minutes before having to go to work, but here's a start of a response. i tend to think the reasons for role choice are more psychologically wired in. Which is not to say i think we choose our desires/needs. i also think there are a lot more gray reasons than black or white answers to these questions. i was married to a woman for half my life and i functioned in the top position with her, both physically and psychologically. The reasons i married were mostly from religious cultural conditioning, but i still love/loved my former wife, i just was not compatible with her. One of the things i saw happening while i was married was a part of me was being starved to death, it was as if i could feel that part of me dying and i realized it would have left me permanently damaged if i let it happen. That "part" was the 'bottom' in me that desired and needs a Man. Apparently it is possible for me to function physically as a top, but it violates something in me to do so? Not physically. Sex having my penis serviced feels good physically, having an orgasm feels good physically, but it doesn't feel right or complete for me psychologically. damn, gotta go to work.