tallslenderguy

Ditto. i have been known to use a plastic water bottle when at work for a quickie, would take several trips between sink and stall. But for a night at the sauna i'd prep at home. i've never had an incident where i was unclean, just would not wanna chance it, would not be worth it to me. The prep stuff i have seen at a sauna has been rudimentary at best, not my idea of "prep."

i hate any kind of theatrics or 'role play,' this is real for me. Sometimes the Guy Topping me will ask me to "talk dirty" to Him, and that always leaves me at a loss. If its not spontaneous and real, i don't want it as part of the fuck. i do moan and say what i'm feeling, but it's not a lot or continuous. There have been times when i have to bite my mattress to keep from saying: "i love You" to a complete stranger who is fucking me and obviously hitting all my buttons lol, but that's because i don't wanna risk turning Him off.

i sooooooo agree with this. i believe the foundation of fundamentalist mind set is a desire for absolute knowledge, and i do not think one has to be religious to have that mindset. Psychologically, i think those who want or think they have absolute knowledge, associate that with security. i do think it's easier to accommodate the mindset in a relgious setting though. When one crosses the line from belief to absolute knowledge, they can make that knowledge into authority that they can then justify applying universally. To jump it up a few notches, some abrogate themselves of responsibility attributing their beliefs and notions to an authority or creator. i think many of these people are absolutely sincere and convinced they are doing "Gods" bidding because they don't just believe in "God," they know "God." i think "God" is the ultimate ethnocentricity.

There is a real and powerful religious force in the USA, with a decided political presence and agenda. It doesn't take a historian to realize the number of times the notion "it will never happen here" has been proved wrong for a country. i was arrested in 1999 by a cop pretending to be gay and pretending to cruise in a known gay park. i was charged with a felony using a 100 year old sodomy law for asking him if he wanted to fuck. The only thing that saved me was a judge who was liberal. The judge could just as easily been conservative and sided with McDonell's anti gay beliefs. Anyone who believes the US justice system is 'blind' and free of bias is woefully ignorant. The "justice system" is how law is interpreted, and RvW is a perfect example of how interpretation can go from one side to the opposite in a heartbeat, depending on who sits on the bench. Bob McDonnell was the AG in Virginia at the time i was arrested. McDonell identified as a conservative Christian and he went after gays with a vengeance... he later became governor of Virginia. He was very open about his agenda. McDonell's masters thesis (from religiously conservative Regents University) lays out his views: "...the entire treatise outlines a Christian Reconstructionist’s version of a biblical worldview as it relates to the relationship between family, church, and civil government, and outlines proposals to privilege that social ordering with taxes and policies. McDonnell sets out the jurisdictional view of authority promoted by Reconstructionists with which RD readers will be familiar: the “God-ordained institutions,” of the civil government (citing Genesis 9-11), the church (citing Matthew 16), and the family (citing Genesis 2)." [think before following links] https://religiondispatches.org/bob-mcdonnells-christian-reconstructionist-thesis/ And now we have a purposely stacked supreme court. "U.S. Supreme Court takes aim at separation of church and state In three decisions in the past eight weeks, the court has ruled against government officials whose policies and actions were taken to avoid violating the U.S. Constitution's First Amendment prohibition on governmental endorsement of religion - known as the "establishment clause." [think before following links] https://www.reuters.com/legal/government/us-supreme-court-takes-aim-separation-church-state-2022-06-28/?utm_source=ground.news&utm_medium=referral

You may want to check out Ground News , they provide several sources for the same story and measure things like factuality and bias.

Stuff like The Inquisition or similar (to me), Islamic conquests, did not result in entire populations converting whole heartedly, but they did have control and asserted it against populations like gay people or 'infidels.' Fundamentalists believe gays are going to hell for fucking. There are fundamentalists who want to put gay people in jail. They may not convert gays to their way of thinking, but they still want to repress us and they do not see us as equals. Thomas want's to "revisit" (and overturn) the rulings that give people equality. Well, gay people anyway, he probably doesn't want to revisit slavery. i think people like Thomas are the ones spreading fear ("fear mongering.").

Right? There's a type of person who wants a black or white rule book to base their life on vs paying attention to what is going on now and evolving. Some people want a 'holy writ,' but those same people typically fail to see that they are using that to support their own emotional disposition... interpretation.

For me, the idea and intent behind chastity are what counts more than an actual device. Chastity, to me, is not about forbidding orgasm, but about controlling it. i only see it or am interested in chastity as part of a Top/bottom relationship with a Man. The idea of putting myself in chastity has zero appeal. The hottest dynamic i can imagine is a relationship where the Top truly doesn't see or want me with a 'cock.' But then, i am total bottom. i would think it's very different with a versatile guy, and chastity could take on a different meaning, where he has a "cock" and it is being locked up. As a total bottom, i am drawn to Total Tops who don't want a guy with a "cock," but He sees and treats it more like He might a womans clit. Not that i am talking feminization, or trans here, i'm not. It's different. A womans clit is still a very real part of their sex organs and sexuality. In my experience when i was married to a woman, she got off on having her clit stimulated, but did not like to orgasm that way, it was always a precursor to being penetrated and bred. i found i related to her, i needed/wanted the same thing. So the idea of chastity is both physical and psychological for me. It's a part of me a Man can manipulate to get or keep me horny for His cock and cum. It's not that i do not need or want to cum, but that i need/want the connection and bond where He is in charge and controls my orgasm. To me, that is an enormously deep bond when our pleasure is bound that way. But it only works when the need/desire is mutual. Chastity, to me, is not so much about locking and owning my "cock," but about owning my orgasm.

Great topic! To me, one of the distinctions of an intimate relationship is the deeper, more open connections and bonds that can be had. i'd want my partner to feel free to express His desire/need whenever it was there. In that kind of relationship, i see masturbation as foreplay. I.e., once i see my partner aroused, it stimulates my desire/need for Him. i want to be a part of His pleasure and receive that part of Him into myself, so Him masturbating would be something akin to 'Master' 'bating' me. To me, it's sort of like groping, except He is groping Himself, but in a sense, He is sorta groping me when He touches Himself, because He and His pleasure are a pleasure center for me. my response to the 'signal' would likely be to go to my knees at the very least, or present my hole for breeding.

There is a lot of ignorance in the world, particularly when it comes to science and healthcare. As a nurse who's cared for a lot of Covid patients , i encontered family who were convinced we were keeping their very sick family members in the hospital unnecessarily. Honestly, some of the stuff people would say to me left me speechless. Science supports vaccines, yet look at the large number of people who are afraid or reject them. People watch a youtube vid and are convinced they are medical experts afterwards, there are many people who really don't grasp what science is or how it works. i'm more often than not convinced that people act out of emotion more than reason.

i am just guessing, but I don’t think this is over. He may be trying to do what he thinks is right and most expedient, but love and emotion are powerful things, my guess is he is still conflicted and that will still come out in some way in the future… maybe.

Top or bottom, it's still sex, and sex is not just physical, and you are exploring the psychological side of it. You do not need a cage to exercise abstinence, but there can be a psychological side to being put in a cage by another Man and giving Him the key to being able to stimulate your penis. You can also put yourself in one, but it's different. There are infinite variations of chasity. i read about a guy who's lover tied a pink bow around his penis as his "chastity belt." Personally, i cum hardest and the most when i have not cum for awhile. But the effects of chastity, i think, can be more psychological than physical. And absitnace definitely makes you more sensitive, not just your prostate. i think not eating makes you more hungry, not having sex makes you hungry for sex and mare horny,, sensitive and malleable sexually. It's a tried and true method for training a bottom to get his pleasure from his hole, and focus his sexual energy there.

To me, "dumped" sounds to harsh, but it does answer a lot of questions, for both of you. It's a hard one, i'm sorry. i've found that our emotions and reason often to not aline in life. We feel one way, but think another. i do not think it's strange or unusual that he "felt like a teenager." Culture often controls and directs our choices and behavior differently from who we are, what we want/need. i think that causes certain parts of us to be unfulfilled and those parts don't have a chance to grow and develop, so that part of us is stuck as a "teenager" (so to speak). Now that th cat is out of the bag, it's going to be hard for him to put it back. It's sort of like escaping a prison, and it's going to be hard for him to give up the freedom and joy that part of him experienced. As to him recommending you find a "younger man?" He cannot make that call for you, you are attracted to who you are, i think repression of such feelings is what gets us in trouble in the first place, conforming to what "should be" instead of exploring what is.

Not to be a wet blanket, but, all meds have side effects, especially with long term or chronic use (their original intended use was short term therapy). Neither proton pump inhibitors or H2 blockers actually 'fix' the problem of reflux, they just lower acid in the stomach, making the reflux less painful. For instance, a side effect of chronic use is anemia, our body uses stomach acid for iron metabolism, so chronic use of antacid thwarts that stomach acid function. We likely do not know the half of it when it comes to altering any normal body function long term. Here's some study summaries for those interested; Proton pump inhibitors (e.g., Nexium, Prilosec, Prevacid, etc.). [think before following links] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7887997/ and H2 inhibitors (e.g, Zantec, Tagamet, Pepcid, etc.). [think before following links] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK525994/ As an aside, i've had good success with Fennel seed for GERD treatment. Here's some study review of natural therapies for GERD: [think before following links] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8839470/

Great discussion! Have my "standards changed?" Yes, though my tastes have remained pretty much the same. For me, the biggest qualifier is a Mans need/desire to breed. If that presents, He can have me via my hole and it awakens my own need/desire....usually. Romance is a lot more complicated, but casual sex? His need/desire to penetrate and seed are pretty much the only qualifiers.

i say "total bottom" because it's less confusing than trying to explain. For me, it's not just physical, i feel like i am psychologically 'bottom' as well. But every once in a while, my cock will end up in an ass. It has not happened for years now, but i know the possibility is there, but it's an exception vs a permanent or ongoing state of being. i don't think i could be in a relationship where it was an ongoing thing or expectation for me to top. i was married to a woman for much of my life, and i had to be top in that relationship, i suspect that exhausted the top that may have been in me.

i do love the way hairless feels and looks, but it is a lot easier to let it grow and i find Tops seems to be about 50/50 when it comes to what They like. As to the pussy look, that's been a lifetime process. There's a sorta base that has been formed over the years that can be tweaked by a Top or plug or dildo or________? Over time, it's become more malleable. 😉

The plot thickens. i don't think you "pushed him," Who initiated the kiss? it seems there's quite a bit of sexual tension between you. i think you are learning a lot. He took off his glasses because you told him you like his eyes, that was a gesture from him. He also "likes what he sees inside of you." Kissing you left him breathless. It seems clear to me that he is attracted to you, but does not know what to do with his attraction. i think you are right that this is new to him and it seems he is feeling a lot of confusion and is conflicted as well.

my first thought is, you text every day, you have kissed and slept together, so, you already are in a "relationship" with him and you do not have to "imagine." So many of the thoughts and feelings you are having derive from your relationship to him. And, yeah, i know, you were thinking more along the lines of a clearly defined relationship, but i think where some confusion may come in is trying to reconcile what is with what 'should be.' i single quote "should be" because i believe our conditioning, both cognitive and emotional, is often the source of conflict and confusion in our lives. The conflict comes from trying to reconcile what we think or feel should be with reality. To me, you seem to be parsing out what you feel, think, want, don't want, nicely. In my opinion, the idea of just kissing him on the lips is totally romantic and personally, i'd melt in a guys arms if i was into him and he did that with me ( i'm a romantic), but honestly i think that would be putting the cart before the horse. i think what needs to happen is verbal communication. I.e., i believe you need to be open about your thoughts and feelings... a step at a time. E.g., instead of leaping in and presumptively kissing him on the lips, tell him you want to. That's a half step in the direction that will give him choice and participation. i think/feel the same way about everything you have told us about your thoughts and feelings for him, that he is the one you should be sharing these things with. Not necessarily all at once, but each step will guide you as to whether you move forward or backwards.

i don't know, but my feel is that your professor is as closeted and conflicted as you are about the relationship. It seems each of you is afraid to come right out and share what you are feeling and thinking about each other. i think it's easy to imbue the older, professor guy with credit for being more mature and having the answers, but the truth may be he is as scared and inexperienced as you are when it comes to a gay relationship. A great thing about an intimate relationship is knowing and being known. It's also scary and vulnerable, risky. i have experienced very few guys in my life who were willing to take the first step of being open about who they are and what is really inside. There are those who will open once the other person does, then there are those who just let y0ou stand there naked, and never respond in kind. As i've aged, i am more selective about those i share my heart with, but i still do it way more often than i experience it in return, and pretty much never experience it from someone who initiates. Still, i'd rather take the risk than not, the pay off when the connection occurs is life itself to me.

Great thread BlackDude, thanks for starting it. There's been a lot of discussion on this site about "flakes," and this discussion is reminiscent of that phenomenon to me. i suspect there are lots of reasons that all seem to coalesce into a group of guys who either will or won't fuck? i thought of another group of guys who won't fuck that i don't think has been mentioned, and that's the ED group. i've seen more than a few guys at theaters/abs/sex clubs/saunas who are eternally jacking, but never seem to get hard, or hard enough to penetrate. i've encountered a guy from Squirt who has contacted me for years telling me he wants to fuck and breed me, i also see him cruising the local ABS online and in person expressing the same desires. i hooked with him a few times years ago, and he never actually fucked me. He tried, made a big show of it, but never got hard enough to penetrate. The first time it happened, i just excused it to nerves because his energy and intent seemed so real and sincere. But the same thing happened the second time... and third (lol, i hate to give up on any guy who wants to fuck). Turns out, this guy is in denial. What gave it away was him contacting me wanting to hook and saying what a great time he had before. It seems this guy is doing the best he can, and his version of "fucking." i feel for him, but stopped hooking with him because it was really frustrating to experience him trying to penetrate the whole time, yet never getting there. i'm guessing there is a group of guys out there who want to fuck, but for various reasons whether psychological or physiological, cannot perform. The need and desire is there, they just can't do it, so they end up doing a form or fantasy fuck that doesn't fit the standard version.

Currently letting the hair grow. i like how i feel smooth, but have a FB who likes it hairy, so here it it after having a hollow plug in for awhile, He loves it pussy like, so i made this for Him.

To me, one of the wonderful things about intimate relationship is the potential for discovery, learning and growth. Our emotions can draw us in and draw us out, open us and expose parts of us that might otherwise be hidden or even unknown. Some of the things that can get exposed is our standards, ethics, ideas of morality. As some have noted, it seems both of you may be in this dynamic place. He may be in a new place and experiencing similar questions as you. A few thoughts to add to the discussion: The fact that he is vague about telling his family that he is with you when they call is telling i think. i think we often hide when we feel vulnerable or feel at risk of losing something. Fear of discovery and the possible rejection that may go with it. He could have this fear with you and his family because he is feeling something for you that might risk rejection if found out. my other thought is that you seem to have not nailed down what it is about being with him that you want/like/need? Your title says: "in need of a father figure." On the other hand, you seem to have sexual feelings as well? If that is the case, are you conflicted about feeling both? You may associate feelings and needs that you are having with stuff you think you might have had with a father, but there is no telling really what you would have had in reality. I.e., those are projections. i think one of the expectations of a father/son dynamic is the notion that the father is in charge, stable, has the answers, etc.. But i think what may be happening here is both of you are experiencing something that is new and brings insecurity and vulnerability with it. The truth is, he is older and has more life experience, but he is not your father, he did not raise you. To me, the most important thing is to be honest (both of you). The harder thing is to be openly honest, because there is vulnerability and the risk that comes with it... but there is also potential for wonderful things.

i think anonymous always increases your odds for getting fucked. The blindfold would make it a little more anonymous, but the slings i have seen usually feel exhibitionist to me vs anonymous, so even though you would not see who's fucking you, others could/would. If the Top isn't into being watched while fucking, it narrows the number of guys who are going to approach you.

No "struggle" here, i've long practiced introspection and know how i feel and think and i think it's important to be able to articulate those things. i don't think it's that hard to do, juwt that we just aren't practiced at it. i think we learn how to hide our perceived vulnerabilities from an early age. Add to that, we are talking about guys who wanna get fucked. Despite more recent trends of acceptance, guys who want to get fucked are still considered lesser or perverted by many. Then there are the subtle rejectors and the internalized, unconscious phobias. i think all of these things can contribute to the 'struggle' for many. For me, it is a layered answer that can have so many components. my simplest explanation is: "i'm a guy with a pussy." i have the testosterone drive a guy has, and a woman does not, but it's all wired to my hole, receiving and being penetrated , where other guys are wired to penetrate and impart themselves into another. To me it's like a mix of male and female chemistry, but not solely one or the other. For instance, i was married (to a woman) for many years. One of the distinct differences i found between the sexes was how romance was perceived so differently. For me, it's intensely romantic when a Man gropes me or expresses His lust. In my experience, women want/need other things before it moves on to the physical, or they just do not seem to need/want sex like a male does. In a lot of male/female relationships, sex gets weaponized or becomes a manipulative tool in the hands of the woman that she uses to get other desires/needs fulfilled. None of that enters in (for me at least(. i'm a guy who's 'cock' just happens to be in back. And sex is much more than physical for me. To me, male Cock and male pussy are emotional/psychological 'organs,' as much as physical. Sex is always better for me holistically. When the Man i am with is in touch with Himself, fully knows His need/desire to penetrate, fuck and inseminate and understands my corresponding need/desire to be penetrated, fcuked and inseminated by Him, sex becomes a mutual, symbiotic experience, not solely about Him or me, but completely about us experiencing something we cannot have solo.