tallslenderguy

The use of qualifiers like "some" vs. use of qualifiers like "always" is an effort to avoid inference of "universal standard," but ultimately, one cannot control how a reader takes what is written. i agree, generally speaking, "a phone is pretty much...decontextualized," but would disagree that it can be simultaneously "pretty much" and "totally." The use of the qualifier "totally" seems to turn that into a "universal standard," and that may lack "creative imagination" and "emotional generosity." On the other hand, this thread is about the "etiquette of rejecting someone on Grindr." To me, that gives "context" to this discussion. i don't believe this discussion is about "random" text messages, but about guys on a gay site ("Grindr"), that has "specific" purpose. i copied this from the Grindr site: "Our Mission: Connect queer people with one another and the world." "Take this as sign that you need to expand your creative imagination and your emotional generosity...Laugh, shrug, nod, or whatever helps. but don't judge others by your own experiences" Maybe consider following your own advice.

i agree with those who recommend communication. There are different forms of communication, but i still believe if one is not communicating, they are relying on presumption or guessing. i think there are general meanings to the terms we use, like "Dom" or "sub" or ___________,. Communication provides a more detailed definition. i think a key here is what Your wrote: "Although I am a top, I want to be sure the bottom is having a good time too." Apparently, You want to know what pleases him, so asking makes the most sense to me. Personally, i'm one of those who gets erect when i'm turned on, but my needs and desires are individual, not a universal standard, and the Man i am with will only know those if we communicate in some way. If a Man shows interest in my penis, i get turned off, my perception is Men have a Cock, i don't. If He is hole obsessed and expresses His desires and needs to penetrate and breed me, i get hard as a rock. Depending on what He likes, He can ignore it, affectionately make fun of it, or stimulate it in some way that ramps me up, but does not give me release. If He wants to connect with me, He will find a way to make it clear He has a cock and i do not. The only Cock i have is not attached to me psychologically, the only Cock i have is the one a Top penetrates me with. Most Men are not going to know detail like that without communication. i think it's wonderful that You want to know. To me that does not negate the D/s dynamic, it potentially deepens it.

Pretty much all of my sex the first half of my life was 'public.' Receiving cock under bathroom stall walls, in a stall together, through a GH, or in a cruising park out in the open. i'm not particularly exhibitionist, and i don't know too many guys who don't enjoy watching. Where that alters is if i am with an exhibitionist Top. If He gets off on Topping me in front of others, that evokes a sub part of my nature that gets fed and loves Him all the more for it. i think for me, is the unabashed display of dominance/submission and the affirmation of both of our desires and needs. For me, that "Topping" extends to WS and other things as well. A Man breeding or pissing on me in front of others is simultaneously vulnerable, yet an extreme example of want, and the vulnerability feels safe in that mutual exercise of want and need.

i just read this after writing my two posts, i'm sorry for all the grief this has caused you. i am grateful for your openness and vulnerability in starting this thread though. There are more than a few guys in this community, casual lurkers as well as serious participants, and everything in between. i think this is a valuable discussion with topics that have effects on many. i am glad the thread is here and active. ❤️

With no delusions about ease, i think you have an opportunity to raise a child with an open and accepting attitude towards others who may be different. As a parent, you have a prominent position in your child's development, social outlook and skills. You think the idea of being a father is "wonderful," so why not be a wonderful dad as you are, not hidden away in a closet. i know. Hard. i've been there. Being open and honest about who i am was one of the most costly decisions of my life, it costs less doing it sooner than later. But it was also the best and most liberating decision i've ever made. Freedom isn't cheap, but (i think) it is worth it.

As i see it, your need to take cock and dress are more expressions of "instinct," and your inclination to "stop taking cock" is a conditioned response. i think the former are a part of who you are, the latter a socially conditioned reaction against... your very self. To which i would say: "fuck that." i speak from a place of spending the first half of my life sincerely trying to not take cock, it practically killed me before i realized that taking cock and a Mans seed are (seemingly) intrinsic expressions of who i am. Receiving a Mans cock, desire, need into myself nurtures and sustains me, for me to stop would be like giving up food... and honestly, i tried every thing i could to quit for half my life, and simply could not do it. It was a liberating epiphany for me when i realized the notion of not taking cock was wrong , ludicrous, for me. Your experience may vary.

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Reading through the responses here, find it interesting how the net and online experience is different than 'IRL'. Lol, even that acronym: "IRL" and many others, have come out of online culture. Is online not "real life?" i digress. i find it noteworthy that some ignore, or do not respond with even a few words or polite reply, because it would somehow be a gross waste of their time to acknowledge another human being who has reached out to them, Of course, they do not put it that way, nor do they likely think of it that way... i doubt the same people who do this would respond similarly IRL. i think the online experience promotes a sort of detached, drive thru experience where we have been conditioned to have it our way, have it now, or not at all. The person on the other end has become a commodity, or a service, and if they do no meet our criteria, we ignore or delete them as, not a person, but a disqualified product.

i responded to this 5 years ago and still feel/think the same way. i too hope the OP was just fantasizing and found his way. The originally proposed scenario read like a sluts Disneyesque form or suicide. i believe one can be a slut and still live the rest of life as well. Sorta take the Buddhist approach to being a slut and live in the moment.

Bout a half hour ago... yeah, me again, and my FB. i still had His load in me from 9 hours ago, and it was a big one so He didn't have to use lube. i hate to let a Man's seed go, i'm not one of those who likes to push it out... i hate to push a Man's seed out. i've slept the whole night with a Mans piss in me too. It's awesome. The next day when i peed i could smell His piss saturating my pee. Fuck, that is so amazing, it's literal impregnation with Him... or something He made with His body. Sorry, i digress. After He bred me, i followed Him into the shower and asked if He had to piss. He said "yes" and i asked if He wanted to use my mouth. He said "yes" again. So i knelt in front of Him, took His cock in my mouth and He pissed. He pissed hard. i have only drunk a Mans piss two or three times before. i loved the experience and idea, the taste was hard for me to take. i was surprised that the amount didn't overwhelm me, just the taste. But i swallowed it all. He's kind of shy and quiet, so i asked if He liked it, and He said He did, that it felt like a release... i think He did like it, well see where His mind and feelings go with it as He thinks about it. For me, the biggest thrill of taking His piss from His cock is hard to express. There's a mind fuck that happens, a sort of order that gets set in cement by the act? idk, there's a very deep submission and giving of myself to a Man to drink His piss... not just drink His piss, but hold His cock in my mouth while He pisses in me. i can still smell His piss on my breath, and i don't want to brush my teeth tonight. i am having a hard time finding words to describe how i feel, "degraded" is the only word i can think of, but there's no negative connotation associated with it. It's like we both know, and it's not just 'okay,' but sweet... and fucking HOT. Damn, i feel good.

Waking this thread up... been thinking about piss again and maybe draw my heartthrob back into the conversation 😉 There's so much to this, and You hit on many of the bonding points with me. i think a Mans seed has an actual psychological power over the bottoms brain and sense of well being. That, in a sense, His seed is a sort of drug that He can addict a bottom... to Him. This has actually been studied between men and women, not two guys, so i'm extrapolating. Piss, for me, has some unique bonds where a Top can bind me too Him, more psychological though. Some Tops like to be mean, even bullying, and use piss accordingly. To me, they mis a more powerful opportunity when they feel the need to be mean to control or elicit submission from a bottom. As i see it, one of the things a Top loves to exercise is His control. Sure, a Top might piss in my mouth and force it, and even though there is a part of me that might give in, He won't have my full submission, my heart. my fantasy of a Top who gradually, gently and even in a sneaky way, introduces me to drinking piss from His cock is so much more powerful, because He is going after all of me, not just the physically, but psychologically-mind fuck and impregnation. i don't doubt that a Top with understanding and skill could take me from a place where i'm hesitant or nervous about drinking piss from HIs cock, to begging for it. One of the things that really gets me HOT about drinking piss from a Mans cock in this way is something that can be tricky. i've called it "affectionate degradation/humiliation" in other places. A lot of nice Men shy away from that, because they are not mean and they associate it with being mean... and it can be. On the other hand, it can be deeply affirming too. i am wired to love pleasing a Man. Most Men love the feeling of relieve and release they get from pissing. Most Men love sex too. So, combining the two can nurture those two things in a Man. Lust, when fed, tends to grow. For me, when excitement and lust grow in a Top from things He is doing with me, mine grows too. And in my experience, when a Top sees my excitement and lust growing from the lusts He is exercising with me, His lust is further fueled, like stepping on the gas pedal. He can say things like: "you like being my toilet, don't you?" He can say that in a mean way, or He can also say it in a joyful, lustful way because He sees the truth of it. He has drawn a lust out of me that is real. He didn't force it, He did expose it though, and He can take a certain pride in that. The truth is, i feel proud of Him and am grateful to Him for opening me in that way, and really loving what He has done and the part of me He has exposed. There's all sorts of parts He may have as a Top that might get fed. For instance, He might be an exhibitionist and He could get off on a scenario like were having a dinner party with friends and He announces to me and our guests that He has a treat for them. He calls me over and asks in front of our (gay and understanding) guests: "you like to drink My piss from My cock, don't you?" When i answer shyly, but excitedly "yes," He takes it to the next step and asks: "so you love being my toilet, don't you? you are proud to be my toilet?" i may be blushing big time, but i am also sooo turned on by His obvious excitement as a Top and Exhibitionist, that it's like He has a leash and collar on me and i am happily taking a walk with Him as i answer: "i do." He then states: "I need to piss, will You please help me out?" And i'd likely go to my knees as He lowers His jeans and i take His cock in my mouth and drink His piss from His cock. But so much more is happening than me drinking His piss. There is a deep affirmation happening between both of us... in front of witnesses.

idk, etiquette is an evolving thing. i think online can really bring out the self absorbed asshole in some people. Too blunt? lol my take is, if someone approaches you politely, it's good to take a few seconds to acknowledge their effort. i'm happy to see that the majority so far have voted for some sort of honest, polite reply. If walking down the street someone smiled and said "hi," would you ignore them? Would you make the effort to build a wall between you and that person? But for some reason, online has changed simple courtesy.

15 minutes ago. Yep, same sweet FB. Was outside doing work on some pavers i put in on my parkway. Came in and checked my phone, He had texted me an hour earlier. i told Him i could be ready after showering, and He told me He could make it on the way to the doctor (orthopedist), but it would have to be a "quickie." That doesn't bother me in the least. When i have a regular FB, i tend to get something akin to addicted to Him. i really think there is something to the study that demonstrated semen in hetero relationships affects the brain center sense of well being. i think it's true with gays also, the gut is definitely absorptive. Even if it's just psychological, i love having a FB, and yeah, His energy, cock, orgasm and cum feel like a 'fix' to me, just has this effect. Receiving a Mans orgasm is so much better than having one of my own. Fuck, i feel good.

For me, a big part of my 'bottom nature' is being the receiver for a Tops lust, need. Doing something to myself on cam feels like me trying to top myself, even if there's a guy on the other end watching and wanting it, it just doesn't work for me. On the other hand, i can be turned on by a voyeur and by an exhibitionist. As i am, i perceive both of those as "Top" attributes and am attracted to Men who want that in interaction with me. E.g., a Top who gets off on breeding me in front of others, or gets off on seeing me bred by others are both turn ons for me. i think some guys are able to get this desire me just through cam, but i need the physical presence as well. If a Top want's to cam these things in person, I'm game, but that's different to me than being in a room alone performing.

You describe the perfect Top (to me). This energy corresponds to my own and draws it like a magnet. Your comment about "merely a glance" makes me think of an experience i've written about on BZ before. i was driving down a busy road in Portsmouth VA several years ago, in my beat up truck. A Guy pulled up next to me, "glanced" over and made eye contact as He passed and pulled in front of me. i followed Him. He turned into a Burger King parking lot, walked into the restaurant and into the mens room. i followed. Once in the mens room, He locked the door behind us and wordlessly pulled my jeans down and bent me over. He unzipped and spat on His cock and on my hole, slid in and bred me, pulled out zipped up and left. All without a word. i had to scramble to lock the door behind Him so i could pull my jeans up from around my ankles, hole gaped and dripping His seed. Guess He had that super power.

lol, You make a great argument for shape shifting.

For me, it depends... and also (for me) leg shaving is not the sole purview of bottoms or sluts. 🙂 i have skinny bowed legs that are naturally hairy. Psychologically, there's a part of me that gets off on being hairless, it 'feels' more bottom, sub, to me, but with me that is dependent on the Man i am with to fully experience that part of myself. If i'm with a Guy who loves hair, i'm staying hairy, if He is turned on by hairless (especially if He wants to make me that way!!!) then i want to be hairless. Unlike being bottom or top, hair is an area where i can choose, guess one could say i'm versatile as regards hair, or more accurately, hairless versatile lol. That said, in general terms, i think my legs look better with hair on them. But if the Man i am with is turned on by them being hairless, they look better hairless to me. Re the Man i am with? Shaved, muscular legs are HOT and extremely virile looking to me. i think skinny legs look better with hair, but it's a fine point, not a big deal to me either way.

Sexually speaking? To me: There is nothing better than symbiosis.

i think this is a great discussion. To me, this gets down to how one approaches life in general. Are there static absolutes that make our standards static and absolute, or is life fluid and our standards evolving? To me, that is a larger, foundational discussion. i see two general groups (with infinite varying degrees) in the BDSM community, Those who believe BDSM defines the person, and those who believe the person defines what BDSM is. In my experience, the first group tends towards ego/ethnocentricity, while the second group is more inclined to delineate that who and how they are/believe is not a/the universal standard. To my way of thinking, the first group tends to relate to a/the (their ascribed to) standard, the second to a/the person.

Bout 10 minutes ago, same sweet FB i've written about the last several times. He's such a sweet, horny Top, we're just what the other wants/needs. He contacts me much more often than i'm able to open for Him, often i'm at work on a 13 hour shift. Just ends up getting me horny at work lol. He contacted me, i prepped and texted Him back: "ready." Same routine, i leave my back door open and am lying on my bed naked and ass up. He comes in and we say a friendly "Hi" while He strips and straddles my legs. He lubes a little and slides right in (i have a pretty ready hole). He told me He had 2 loads in Him "if that's alright." lol, Fuck yeah. He left me so creamy, damn i feel good having His orgasm and seed inside of me. i really love hearing a Mans sigh and feeling His body relax after He releases Himself and deposits a part of Himself into me. Such an awesome gift we have with sex.

This thread caught my eye again this morning, so a few more thoughts. For me, there is a world of difference between being Top, bottom or versatile. Though i do see it as a spectrum, even the versatile guy who is somewhere in the middle, seems to be feeling/wanting/needing to be top or bottom and any given moment. i find myself thinking about me being bottom this morning. i just finished my rotation at the hospital. It's exhausting work and i go without sex or cumming during my rotation... so my horniness builds. There's a part of my physical need/desire that wants to jack off and cum, but psychologically and physically, i want/need a Mans orgasm and seed in me. i suspect it's similar with a Top. A Top can also masturbate and relieve some of the tension, but i am guessing that that only takes care of some of the physical tension ad not the psychological need/desire. Though i am feeling need/desire right now that i know i could relieve somewhat by masturbating, i find myself resisting that because i really want/need a Man who wants/needs to breed someone like me. Once i get that, even if i have not cum, the desire/need to orgasm is sated in me. i may want to get bred more lol, but the tension to cum using my penis goes away. To me, that is a big difference between a Top and bottom.

Like others have expressed, i think it depends on the type of feeling you are talking about. Physically? Both feel good to me. Psychologically, it takes a very specific kind of bottom to evoke any kind of desire in me to top, so rare it doesn't even warrant honorable mention lol. Sex is pretty much never 'just' a physical act for me. Even when it is anonymous, multiple cocks at a cruising local, i can sense the energy, lust, need in a Top or bottom. To me they are so distinctly different that i will be either attracted or repelled, just like putting two magnets together. Opposites attract, same pushes apart. The only cock i will pass on is attached to a guy who is doing it as a compromise, or who isn't really into it, mechanical. i've had a few versatile or versatile bottoms who wanted quid pro quo, and that is a turn off to me. Just fucking because they view it as something they have to do to get what they want defeats the main point of sex for me, which is meeting mutual need/desire.

This is some great input (so to speak). i love an experienced Man who can discern a "relaxed loose beat up a little" hole. As a receiving bottom, i wanna have some form of lube, be it cum, spit or lube. Of course, the best is cum. Regardless of what one may have read, a hole can be permanently changed. At least, mine sure is. It's changed to more of a receptive organ than a retentive one. i still have full control of retention, even fluids when a Man pisses in me, but i have to make effort because it's not just automatically retentive as it was when i was less used and opened. One thing has not changed though, and that is how friction feels. i will receive a Mans cock however He puts it in, but i don't enjoy dry. i do love when a Top loves to eat a hole first, that opens me and makes me more pussy-like. Not all guys know about lube (again, any kind) and how wetness can affect a bottoms hole making it more of an organ to receive Their cock. i can tell when a Top is more experienced because He knows how to prep and manipulate the hole He is going to breed. Re the "relaxed loose beat up" comment. Fucking perfect description and tone for me. One of the things that happens when i have taken multiple cocks and loads close together is my hole swells inside, but at the same time is more opened. It takes fewer cocks to get that affect at this point in my life. One good fuck leave my hole swollen and with pussy lips... and, usually, hungry.

i posted on this early on, just re-read the entire thread, love the posts and energy. i love the idea behind piss fucking as much as the actual act. For me, the act and attitude can be deeply intimate while having a very sharp mind fuck, D/s edge. The psych factor of a Man using another man as a toilet to relieve Himself adds a layer of bonding to me that gets into the deeper aspects of "bondage." i've experienced a Man pissing in me on several occasions where there was no discussion about it prior, where He just assumed He could do it, that that was part of the dynamic. Don't misunderstand, i'm not one who gets into force or bullying, meanness shuts me down and is opposite of the connection i look for with a Man. This is different, sort of risky on His part because He doesn't know for sure, not having my consent, but apparently feels enough of a connection to take the risk. There's also the aspect of His need and driving lust that turns me on and elicits a sort of adoring sub response in me. i love experiencing that intuitive connection where He seems to realize i want His lust as much as He wants to express it in this way.