tallslenderguy

Thank you for putting your self out here. i'd hate to see you "losing interest in both having sex, being intimate and even being romantic with guys in general ." This doesn't seem a "dumb question" to me, even given the porn presentation and stereotype to the contrary. The question is also probably double edged, i.e.: "do younger guys really want older men?" The assertions about older men: " FALSE SEXUAL DESIRE, DEPENDENCE ON EMOTIONAL VALIDITY, YOU FIX YOURSELF TO MEET MY STANDARDS" can also be true of younger men. If you have only been in relationship with older guys, i can see how you'd come to associate this with age, but i think this stuff crosses age boundaries. i think this may be more a question of emotional development and maturity, not age? What is it about an older man that appeals to you that you cannot have in a guy closer to your age? That's not a challenge, but a real question. Can you list the things you associate with the older man you desire. i question (in myself) the notions i have about age. i wonder how many of my ideas about age are associated with age or just associated with the individual? For instance, i work in a critical care section of a hospital and many of the certified nursing assistants (CNA's) are younger, and lots of them are guys. i am daily blown away, and often brought to tears, by their substance as human beings. We all know intellectually that maturity does not necessarily come with age, but that knowledge is emotionally counter intuitive lol. i think we expect maturity, and all the stuff that comes with it, to be present and more developed the older one gets. i think that is potentially true, but often isn't reality. It seems the three scenarios you listed: FALSE SEXUAL DESIRE, DEPENDENCE ON EMOTIONAL VALIDITY, YOU FIX YOURSELF TO MEET MY STANDARDS, are the negative side of what you are looking for? I.e., you are looking for a match to your sexual desire, someone who validates you and doesn't just look to be validated, and someone who accepts you for who you are? And that, to me, seems the challenge of relationship. Relationship seems to me to require a mixture of chemistry and maturity.

Ditto on both. To me, a defining characteristic of an adult (be they man or woman) is their desire, willingness and ability to provide for their self. If i want a pet, i'll get a dog...(and a dog would likely fuck me for free or dog food lol).

Seriously, right? How can such a descriptor be anything other than subjective? And as to average? Here's some info on an average american male: "Meet the average American man. He weighs 198 pounds and stands 5 feet 9 inches tall. He has a 40-inch waist, and his body mass index is 29, at the high end of the “overweight” category." [think before following links] https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr122-508.pdf

Same here, but in reverse. i.e., i'm a bottom only and only look for guys who identify as total Tops, i don't like my penis played with. ^^This^^ i have tried. Really. i have nothing against versatile guys, and love bottoms too, but i know i am not sexually compatible with them. i have had so many versatile guys tell me online that they want to breed and love to top, and then try and get my penis when we hook. And i am completely clear. i explain in all of my hook up profiles that i am "total bottom and don't want my penis touched." A year ago i talked to a guy on Squirt for a few weeks, he was versatile and lived about an hour and a half away. i was so clear about being total bottom. i even ask most guys if they are disappointed that i am total bottom and don't want my penis touched. i opened up with this guy and we talked kinks and i decided to spend a week end with him. i even picked him up and brought him to my house. The guy did a total flip on me and was all over me touching my penis. i'm pretty sub, so i didn't resist. When he got back home he emailed me and was excited and wanted to know how i liked the weekend. i told him the truth and he got defensive and made fun of the fact that i am a total bottom. It's a mystery to me because i have had some great experiences with versatile guys, so i want to believe if i am just clear enough that i am total bottom that they will only approach me when they are wanting to top. But i have been burned so many times that i am gun shy. Honestly, BZ seems to be the exception, it seems most of the versatile guys on here get it and wouldn't try to make a bottom top them. But there are so many who just don't get it. i get the impression that some believe that everyone is like them, that because we all have a penis and asshole we can all choose to top or bottom. Because they don't relate, they seem to doubt it's a reality that total Tops and total bottoms are a thing lol. sigh. i will still hook on occasion with guys identifying as "versatile," but am painfully clear that i won't flip. But i will not entertain having a romantic relationship with a versatile guy, because i don't want to become emotionally entangled with a guy and not be sexually compatible. i was married to a woman most of my life. i loved this person dearly, but wtf, i'm gay and we were not sexually compatible... and that caused us both a world of hurt that i won't repeat. Prolly made me a little gun shy even for hook ups lol.

i have a similar response as ErosWired. For me, the term "daddy" is not so much an age thing as positional. Like him, i associate the word with my kids and the idea of having sex with my kids is totally opposite of how i am wired sexually. It's an emotional, visceral response for me, not a thought out intellectual reaction. How the guy i am with associates or uses the word does not change the meaning of the word for me emotionally, even if i understand where he is coming from. The reverse is true for me as well, i.e., i never had any kind of sexual attraction towards my own father. In fact, when i was younger my only real issues with having sex with an older guy was if he reminded me of my father. I had kids and was a "daddy" at age 22 and i looked like a skinny 15 year old. Reality is, one can become a daddy as soon as they start producing sperm, around 10-12 years old. It's interesting to me how the meaning of the word takes on all sorts of emotional angles depending on who you are. But at it's core, the title is traditionally given to a guy who has reproduced using his sperm. In an adoptive case, a guy can assume responsibility for the care of another assuming the traditional role of father. "Daddy" is an affectionate term for father, but i don't hear of guys using the term "father" with a hook up lol. It's curious to me how the word, like others, has been co-opted and has different connotation, mostly emotional i think for most of us. While i don't relate to those who like to use the word "daddy," whether from the Top or bottom, Dom or sub, i can understand that it has emotional/psycological power to it for those use it. i'm one of those bottoms who gets awkwardly turned on when a Top refers to my hole as a "pussy," or might use other words traditionally associated with women. It's an emotional response i cannot explain. i have absolutely zero desire to be a woman. i don't fully get why it has such power and emotional impact with me, so i can get that "daddy" might have a similar effect with others.

i love how this question keeps surfacing and i love the OP for using the word "sodomized." It makes my hole gap and twitch every time i read it.

"fucking" For me what i enjoy most about sex is the Tops drive, need, desire to penetrate me, open me and leave something of Himself in me or as part of me, whether it's the gap He leaves, His cum, piss, or psychological breed of my mind where He looks at me and knows He owns a piece of me.

Guys without profiles make me crazy. That and: "if you want to know me, ask me." No picture, no profile? What is attracting me to this person to want to "know" that i would ask questions? i guess a dream site for these guys would be thousands of guys with no picture and no profile? Kind of like a dark room with none of the advantages?

i'm a fairly semi passive bottom, a big part of fucking for me is giving the Top control. If i am presenting to a Top, which is usually the case for me with anonymous walk in, i am usually lying on my stomach ass up on my bed. That position feels most sub, available, to me. But i'm pliable, i'll move into whatever position a Top wants me in and i try to be sensitive to Him. I'm not an inert lump though. I can't be. i am a responder though. A Top is going to make me moan, grab my mattress, bite my mattress. Part of my body is going to writhe some times, but my pussy is under HIs control. A Top who kisses my neck or ear discovers a bottom that arches my back and ass into Him, but it's a button He can choose to push or not. i ll try squeezing a Tops cock with my inner muscles, if He responds positively, i'll do it more, if He doesn't, i stop. Sometimes i'll push back part of the time, but that is usually a response, not something i initiate. For me, bottoming is about receiving penetration from a Top, not me impaling myself on Him.

i think a lot depends on the venue. i find/percieve that guys who choose parks, trails, bath houses, are often more visual or are looking for their particular 'type.' ABS, booths with GH, dark rooms, restrooms... guys are more often just looking for cock or a place to put it. Of course, there are exceptions to both, guys who cruise the ABS and Tops who fuck the first hole they see at a BH. But generally speaking, i feel the Tops who are at places like a BH or cruise park are going to be more selective. If i am craving connection and the desire of a Top, i go to the local ABS at lunch or quitting time, when all the guys who are on break or on their way home stop in to get release. They often don't have a lot of time and are ready to get off and grateful for a hungry bottom. Reminded of a Joni Mitchell song Court and Spark: "...go down to the pick up station craving warmth and beauty, a few drinks later, you aren't so choosy..." What does tick me off is bottoms who do stuff to try and steer Tops away from other bottoms. I've been at ABS where (i'm guessing a bottom) will close doors on either side of a booth that a bottom is in to make them look occupied. Stuff like that is just pathetic. Honestly, i'd rather go home without any than to cock block another guy. To me, that is catty and bitchy, not something a guy would do. Conversely, i'm not going to push myself on anyone, i only want a guy who wants me, i'm not out to trick or coerce His choice.

Depends. If it's a dating site with face pics i keep them current and dated. On hook up sites, the body shots are current, and often do not have face pics or they have to be "opened." i used to get bothered by guys who didn't have face pics, but that hasn't mattered to me for a long time. Face only matters to me if i am looking for romance, for sex looks do not much matter to me, so i don't care if they have no pic and cannot tell if the pic isn't theirs. One thing that does bother me is guys who want pics and don't have any of their own or guys who approach you to open your pics without opening theirs first. That's lame. But if a guy has no pic and doesn't expect one from me and knows how to communicate, that's fine by me. For me, guys who can only initiate by saying "sup" and put the weight of conversation on the other guy are a much bigger turn off than not having a pic.

To me, this so illustrates the mental/emotional side of sex. For awhile i started to fear i had ED, and then encountered guys who could make me hard just seeing their name in my email lol. Guys talking to me about bottom, sub stuff can get me hard as a rock. If they talk to me about me breeding them and try to get me to be top or dom, i can't get it up, even if i think i want to. For me, that's where a hot mind fuck could come in, i know a Dom who gets mind fuck could 'Dom' (not force) me into fucking by playing and controlling the psychological side of me.

I've posted some studies and commented on this topic in other threads, you could prolly find them doing a search function? i'm not a doctor, i'm a critical care nurse and care for patients with heart and vascular issues all the time. Doctors see their patients for about 15 minutes, nurses are with them (well, this nurse) for 12 hours a day, so we get to see and deal with the effects of medical intervention, moment by moment over long periods. Clinically put, we're the scientists performing the actual 'experiments' (so to speak). Nurses perform many interventions prescribed by doctors, and are also licensed to do many on our own. For instance, we use the valsalva maneuver for sevreral interventions like people who have gone into atrial fibrillation or supraventricular tachycardia. It doesn't work to 'fix' most of our patients because they usually have complex issues and multiple co-morbidities contributing to their heart response. The body isn't so much isolated systems as it is separate, but interdependent systems that work in concert to play a symphony. The valsalva maneuver, when done properly, exerts strain of ~40 mm Hg. We use something like a 10ml syringe and have the patient blow into it and try to move the plunger that way... that's a lot of 'strain' btw lol. The idea is to kick in a vagal response, which is the parasympathetic response. That has the effect (among other things) of releasing acetylcholine in the heart, particularly at the SA node, which is responsible (in well people) for regulating heart rhythm. Aka the hearts "pace maker." The parasympathetic effect (among other things) slows the heart rate and dilates the blood vessels (lowering blood pressure). Poppers are nitrites. Our bodies make their own nitrites (nitric oxide, NO) and NO is secreted by the endothelium. Among other things, NO dilates blood vessels and lowers blood pressure. When you see people on TV being giving nitroglycerin because they are having a heart attack, that's similar stuff. What you are doing with combining valsalva and poppers is stimulating a natural physiological response and chemically inducing another. Parasympathetic (valsalva) response lowers the heart rate and blood pressure (BP), while nitrates (poppers) increase heart rate and lower BP. The body always works to reestablish homeostasis (balance), so it depends on which stimulating factor is greater at the time, the natural or chemical, as to which way the body goes. Additionally, you're not just performing the valsalva maneuver, you're doing the valsalva maneuver in conjunction with anal stimulation/insertion. That is an additional stimulation of the parasympathetic response. Bradycardic (below normal heart rate) stimulation from rectal manipulation causes an increase in parasympathetic activity as mediated by the vagus nerve. Any stimulation of the vagus nerve along its pathway leads to a release of acetylcholine from the nerve endings in the heart causing a parasympathetic response. What's happening with the vagal maneuver is putting internal pressure on the anal sphincter to effect a vagal response, you are combining that with an external stimulus (i.e., dildo). Too much physiology? You can do a google search on studies re your questions. As i recall, there are not many, but i was surprised that there were some. You'll likely not find studies on the trifecta that you are performing though (i.e., combining valsalva with nitrates with external anal stimulation of the vagal nerve). Part of that relaxed, spent, floaty feeling that bottoms get after being fucked is parasympathetic stimulation. That's pretty safe i'd guess, millions of cum dump examples can't be wrong. Also, getting fucked is physiologically similar to defecating, which is not typically harmful. All medications (poppers is a 'medication' of sorts) have side effects. The biggest side effect i know of with medical nitrates is tolerance. It's short acting and the body builds up tolerance fast. E.g., if we give a chest pain patient a nitro patch (worn topically), we alternate 6 hours on, 6 off. There are diminishing returns short term. Not sure about poppers. Here is some good info on poppers in general: [think before following links] https://sdtreatmentcenter.com/drug-treatment/poppers-neurotoxic/

i feel you. i too am a bottom who loves ass. It's my favorite part of a guys anatomy, i find ass more visually and emotionally evocative than i do cock... which is saying a lot, because i love cock too. A guy walks by, it's his ass that turns my head. And a bare ass? Makes me weak, seriously. You wanna seduce me or get me vulnerable, show me some guy ass. lol, i don't sound like a bottom, do i? i agree with hungry_hole, that "anyone with a cock that can get hard can top." Cept i'd change "top" to "fuck." And that is just a personal change because i am mentally and emotionally predisposed to bottom. If i put my penis in a guy, it's not to 'top' him, it's to connect with him. Well, that and get off. i still like to get off, but mentally and emotionally wish that my orgasm was attached to getting fucked. i have no inclination to fuck a Manly Man, it's the smooth, slight boy types that can get my penis, and then there's decided seduction involved, some mind fuck. i also have a fantasy where a Top/Dom manipulates me into fucking... prolly not Him, and it's a seduction fantasy, not a force fantasy. i guess it's more of a sub being used to fuck? All that to say, i think this is a complex topic. i think you would benefit from identifying what it is about you wanting to fuck another guy and nurture that. I.e., i imagine you fantasize about fucking a guy? What do you think and feel when you fantasize? Do you have fear in your fantasies? Do you have issues staying hard? If not, maybe try to reproduce you're fantasies?

i'm a critical care nurse and take care of very sick people everyday, so i am sort of professionally conditioned to try and help people get and stay healthy. Having said that, one of the first things a healthcare giver does before providing information is assess for willingness and readiness to learn. It can be tricky, some people just don't know what they don't know, others make fully informed decisions that are contrary to their health. i don't want to violate anyones autonomy, to me, that is one of the most immoral acts one can commit. i'm not going to play along with the fantasy, but then, i'm not one for pretend or role play anyway... real is so much better to me and i am really kinky lol. But honestly, i wouldn't play along with the fantasy of infecting someone with a potentially deadly virus because is would violate something in me to do so. i don't want to make anyone sick or harm them. i love Men and that goes against my notion of love.

Probably 90% of the sex i have had with guys (1000's) has been anonymous walk in. i'm always face down, but have only been blind folded about 10% of the time. Like Eros, i like to keep my senses as open as i can for safety reasons. i keep my cell phone in reach, but hidden, anything of value is hidden and the space between where i am presenting and the door is a straight line with no distractions. An idea for more complete sensory deprivation is to do it as a bath house, which would pretty much be a safe place. i've seen guys with hoods or blindfolds in the sling, or you could get a room and do the same, with head phones too.

Fun question. i describe myself as a bottom with a sub streak, and this question figures into it. While i can reconcile a sub top (or a dom bottom) intellectually, i cannot do so emotionally. i have imagined myself being Dommed into fucking and breeding a particularly smooth, twinkish type ass, but it's hard for me to imagine that person actually being "Dom" more like they were having me fuck a bottom like Eroswired describes. And that would be a challenge, the Dom would have to really know me in order to get me hard to do so because the only things that get me hard are associated with me bottoming, etc. i too and one of those who cannot emotionally associate top with sub. Hell, it violates something in me for a Top to take most kinds of interest in my penis. i have had a few Dom guys who got me hard by denigrating my penis in just the right way, calling it a "clit" or little or useless, affectionately laughing at it or making a clear distincntion between the breeding cock they have and what i have. It's just pretty impossible for me to put top and sub together as one.

To the original question: "Born too fuck." i think this is pretty much true about everyone, the sex drive is a natural appetite. To me it's sort of similar to saying i was "born to eat." Some guys manage to make a career out of fuckng, but most of us retain amateur status. Frequency of exercising our lust doesn't confer pro status, though practice can improve performance lol.

i'm following this thread and have noticed the same thing. True dark rooms seem rare. We have a BH in Portland OR called "Hawks" that claims to have a "dark room," but it is little more than a darkish walk in closet. my guess is businesses might avoid them for their potential for accidents and injury? i imagine, on the other hand, that a true dark room would draw a lot of guys. Having a "dark room" in the description on their web site was the whole reason i even went to Hawks, it's what drew me in. They also have what they call "lights out" night, but again, it's not dark, just dimmer.

Funny how things evolve. The internet and hook up aps have definitely altered how we have sex. Even online shopping/Amazon have caused a decline in department stores and mall restrooms where gay sex used to be a common thing. Restroom understaff or through GH was also quentessential 'closet' sex. The stalls in a restroom are not all that different from the stalls in an ABS. As noted earlier, i had a lot of restroom sex. i lived in Norfolk VA and it had a huge military presence. There was a mall called "Military Circle" and it had a large, long and narrow restroom. It was kind of like an airport restroom, with no doors, just a passageway leading in and out. When you came in, there was a guy doing shoe shines at the opening, he knew what was going on and sometimes would walk up and down the stalls sort of policing them. There were half a dozen urinals to the right when you came in, then about a dozen stalls beyond the urinals (also on the right) with sinks right across from them. A guy could stand at the sink and look into the mirror and see a guy in the stall behind him through the gaps between the stalls and doors. Most of the sex happened at the far end under the stall. It was always busy and noisy and guys would fuck or suck understall even with other guys just using the restroom present. Lots of guys were clueless that while they were using the restroom, the guy in the stall right next to them was getting fucked or sucking under the stall. i met one guy there who became a regular FB, we were both there frequently and he'd just present understall with spit on His cock, and i'd sit on it and He'd breed me. One day, unbeknownst to me, He followed me in His car back to my office building, not to far from the mall. He left a note on my car letting me know He now knew where i worked. my office looked out over the parking lot, floor to ceiling glass, so i could easily see anytime He drove into the parking lot. He actually came into my office on the second floor once and told my secretary He had an appointment. i brought Him into my office, scared He was going to out me and He could see the view from my office to the parking lot. He told me that whenever He parked there, He wanted me to meet Him in the downstairs restroom, It was a quiet but small two stall restroom and He fucked me frequently under the stall from then on. There was never really conversation, we just both knew.

How sad. i'm glad you are back ❤️

Slapping seems like one of those things where the Top really has to know HIs bottom before doing it? i am sub bottom, but not a physical masochist. Spanking is probably the exception, though even with that, my Top needs to know or read me well enough to open me to a place of wanting to submit to Him doing it. A Top at a sauna pinched my tit hard once and found Himself quite suddenly in a disadvantaged position. i'm a martial artist and just reacted without thought. i didn't hurt Him, but surprised the hell out of Him lol. i don't think being a bottom (or sub) automatically confers carte blanche on the Top/Dom. I've had Tops do things, like piss in me, that they didn't ask permission to do... but they read me well enough to know i'd adore them for it. It's tricky, i think there has to be a good connection that is obvious to both parties for such risks to be taken without prior discussion. So where are you at with this now? How do you imagine responding if this happened again? It's a sort of mystery how a Dom can train a bottom using the bottoms nature to accept things he might not normally do or want. It's a risk for the Top too, unless He is mindless about such. You have a "ongoing connection," so it seems to me it wasn't just a presumptuous act, but a calculated risk. Did you tell Him how it made you feel? Have your feelings changed as you have thought about it?

i'm pretty sure a bottom from Jacksonville FL asked a very similar question recently? At first i thought: "hmm, yeah maybe there's just a preponderance of bottoms in Jacksonville." But then i checked out the population, and it's 1.5 million. Plus, there's several military bases, so i am going to place my vote against method (i.e., online hook up sites). i'd bet there are lots of horny guys who wanna unload in a bottom. i'm not convinced that even half the guys online are actually looking for a hook up, but go to an ABS or cruising place and more, if not most, guys are looking. i went online to Squirt and was surprised to see lots of cruisy restrooms and parks, but no ABS? When i really need to get bred, i go to the local ABS on a weekday during lunch or when guys are getting off work, and i consistently will get 4 or 5 cocks in short order. And i'm in a small university town, only about 80k population. Of course, i'll take even the homeless guys load when i'm in heat... i love any guy who needs or wants it. Ditto. Honestly, fuck buddies are my favorite. i love the dynamic, you get to know each other and it makes hook up so much simpler. i've come to really love a lot of fuck buddies, and i also appreciate that there isn't the complications of living with a guy. One of my biggest fantasies is being there for a Top whenever He needs or wants a bottom. To me, the only challenge is spontaneity. needing notice for prep. But i wish for a fb relationship where i always leave my door open for Him and if He just shows up, maybe i'm working in the kitchen, He can just come up behind me, slide my shorts down and slide in and breed, no words necessary. Or even in the middle of the night, i think it would be so hot too have the kind of relationship where He'd be free to get into bed with me sleeping and just slide in and breed or piss.

Interesting question, and some fun answers. Part of me would love to project the image of a more horny guy as i age, but i'd be lying, same with my penis and testicles getting "bigger." i don't think i'm any less horny, but my horniness has become more, idk, refined? That's not quite descriptive, my horniness has become more dependent is probably more accurate. When i was younger, i went looking for it a lot more, now i am much more of a responder. It doesn't take much to get me to 'respond,' just the sight of a hot man ass will elicit desire. A Top expressing His own needs and desires to breed, well, He can pretty much own me. my horniness just don't seem as self contained as it was when i was younger, it's a lot more of a response... even though it seems to always hover at the surface. As to my penis and testicles getting bigger? i'm a little embarrassed to admit mine seem to have shrunk a little. i've wondered it that's from disuse since i've been a bottom for several years now, especially since divorcing. For awhile i wondered if i had ED, but turns out i don't, i just don't get erect at the notion of using my penis. But a Top or some Dom's who find my buttons can make me instantly hard by wanting to own my hole, especially creative types who really want ownership of a bottoms physical and emotional hole, those things all get me hard, but don't increase my size.

That's a hard one for me to quantify with the survey answers. The thing that gets me is the Tops need and desire to put Himself inside of me, so it sort of depends on what gets Him off, putting His cock in me or His cum? i get the impression most Tops like both and i pretty naturally respond to my Top, so if i sense His pleasure in fucking me, i really get into it... and i always love HIs orgasm, that seems the ultimate expression of desire and pleasure to me.