tallslenderguy

i think this is a good point, though i don't really see it as an adaptation so much as an enhancement for a bottom? i guess it's a 'which came first, the chicken or the egg' question? i've encountered plenty of Guys with small cocks who were all Top and i love to be penetrated and bred by them too. i knew one who was so Top and confident that He had no problem explaining how Manly He was and what a pussy i am and how much i needed Him and His cock.

lol, You taught me a new one: "SPH" (small penis haver for those who don't know). i think "freeing" is an insightful way to put it. The reality of it is, i don't have a small penis. i've had more than a few refere to it as large, though i think it is really more girth than large (~7"), though as a grower and not shower, it can be pretty small when flaccid. For me, it's the Tops perception and treatment of it and me that carry weight. It really has impact when a Top is matter of fact, almost casual about His reference to my penis being insignificant in some way or other, or calls it a clit or nub or some other term that emphasizes a lack of distinction. Clarifying that, my penis, is not really meant for fucking with and implying that it really wouldn't be useful for that and i don't have the psychological equipment for it.

"Small cocked bottoms like to be laughed at?" YES!! but why? That's a question i find myself asking always about how i/we are. It's especially fascinating for me when it comes to areas that are generally seen in a negative light, like humiliation or being "laughed at." One of my theories is because it is actually a form of affirmation and love. There are some of us who are at the extreme end of the sexual spectrum and identify as "total bottoms" and maybe also "sub" and we do not want to be seen or treated as penetrators or breeders. So, when someone comes along and makes fun of our penis, minimizes it, disqualifies it as a penetrative, breeding part of us, it actually affirms who we are and evokes all sorts of positive response. i think the converse is true too. i think guys who are naturally at the extreme end of the sexual spectrum as "Total Tops" and maybe also "Dom" and never want to be penetrated or bred, but always want to be on the other side of that dynamic, are also affirmed by bottoms who love Their assertions of being potent, The Cock, The Penetrator, and minimizing the bottom emphasis and affirms Who They are.

This echos so many of my thoughts and feelings, i think you've wonderfully articulated some great insights!! i agree heartily that it's unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of ones needs/wants. i do think that one of the benefits of a ltr is it can help us identify our needs/wants. i think a mistake we make is the presumption that the person and relationship that helps us identify our needs and wants is responsible for meeting them. To me, the idea/ideal of 'love' is it is something freely given, not coerced, guilted or shames out of someone. If we truly love someone, it seems to me that we would want them to get their needs and wants met. In that vein, i have come to see compatibility as a very important factor in ltr. i advocate for the sort of "speaking out... " and "diagram it out" as something we do in order to figure out whether we are a ltr fit in the first place. E.g., in simple terms, if i am a bottom and i'm interested in a guy and he is a bottom too, we have to decide just how important sex is as a definer of our relationship? For me, it's hard to imagine being in a long term romantic relationship with that person, but i can easily imagine being a long term intimate friend. Romance, for me, involves sex, so part of my "rules and expectations" are that a person be a Top in order to even be considered as a potential long term romantic relationship. For me, that puts the horse before the cart to do that. i came from a religious culture that, in addition to not allowing for my being gay, programed the notions of monogamy and virgnity prior to the commitment to a monogamous marriage. i think that is an undercurrent in a lot of relationships, that many of the ramifications and expectations of religious culture is built into mainstream heteronormative 'values' (which has also been built into gay people who were raised in a heteronormative culture). I.e., those 'values' force people to find out about most of their needs and wants after making a commitment. The ideal of commitment overshadows the realities of need and want and lack of compatibility devolves the relationship into quid pro quo. i don't think that is sustainable. There is no natural balance as with a Top/bottom dynamic where each persons need naturally meets the others. Instead, each is expecting the other to meet their need/want because of the ideal of "love." To me, a successful ltr has both love and compatibility, not just "love."

i applaud you for not just jumping ship. For me, one of the big advantages of being gay has been it has taught me (sort of forced initially) to question the/my status quo. We grow up in the culture we were born into and are programed by it with all sorts of ideas, notions, rules and regulations on how stuff should be, in this case, relationship. Once we get into relationship, however, we soon discover that our ideas of how it's gonna be or 'should' be are different from reality. You obviously recognize and acknowledge that you have something with this person that you deem worthy of preserving. Yay you!! i consider that a sign of maturity, no matter how things eventually work out. Infidelity, and the lying and cheating that usually accompanies it, hurts. So often, the pain of it forces people apart. But it can also present an opportunity to look deeper into ourselves and our relationship, to ask questions about why and how. To me, one of the primary positives of a dedicated ltr is the opportunities it gives us to open up and be vulnerable with another person, and thereby connect and bond with them. best to you.

One could argue that being on PreP can reduce the spread of STI's because people of PreP get checked out more frequently. Whether or not the regular check ups for HIV while on PreP include a complete screen for other STI's is questionable, but it is more likely that a caregiver is going to do a complete screen while you are there. PreP therapy provides the opportunity for more frequent STI screening. Ditto viking's response. The current scientific studies on PreP efficacy utilize guys having bareback sex, they don't ensure each partner the study participant is having sex with is clear of all other STI's besides HIV before having sex. You may be referring to the possible synergy between herpes (HSV) and HIV. There is study evidence demonstrating higher shedding in HSV infected upon initiation of ART. "The study, “Increase in herpes simplex virus shedding at initiation of antiretroviral therapy (ART) and decrease in shedding over time on ART in HIV and HSV-2 infected persons,” was published in the journal AIDS" [think before following links] https://www.contagionlive.com/news/antiretroviral-therapy-initiation-leads-to-short-term-spike-in-viral-shedding-among-patients-with-hiv-and-hsv2-coinfection

i too am grateful for the contributors on this site and thread. Some wonderful discussions. i too wonder about monogamy. i fantasize about a variation of it , i guess. Having a relationship with a Top who i cede control of my sex too, a caged penis to make and keep me horny, and Him controlling who breeds me. Even if that means He want's me to be fucked by anyone and everyone, for me psychologically i associate that with Him fucking and breeding me. He has me lie on the bed and pimps my pussy out to whomever He pleases while He watches, and i am watching and listening to His lust the whole time and taking those cocks and loads as His. i know, not traditional at all, but to me it can be enormously intimate with Him, and i have experienced a reciprocal feeling from a Top having that kind of control given to Him. There are so many amazing possibilities with relationship.

i sort of get the thrill of chasing and gifting, depending on your perspective as Top or bottom. Tops need/love/want to be potent, to breed, plant and impregnate bottoms. bottoms need/love/want to be bred, planted and impregnated by a Top, to have a part of Him in them. i feel those things too. Here's my alternative offering. Bacterial and viral diseases are not a part of us, they are invaders that harm both Tops and bottoms and weaken who they are. There are so many ways a Top can impregnate and put and leave a part of HIMSELF in a bottom. A virus or bacteria is not Him, it's just using the Top or bottom to spread. i see it as more potent for a Top to prevent HIV from watering Him down by being on meds if He is poz or PrEP if He is not poz, so what He imparts to a bottom is completely Himself. i see a bottom as more of an open recpeptacle if he doesn't have his spaces invaded by disease and leaves them open for a Top to invade with Himself. I'd rather have everything a Top has to breed my pussy with, be it His cum, piss or even His scat under some circumstances. i want Him. Diseases eventually reduce a Top or bottoms ability to breed... to me that is always a bad thing.

i know, eh? So many want to invalidate our experiences because they don't conform to the heteronormative standards of how things are or should be. i think a lot of ltr's die because of failed and unrealistic expectations. i love the idea of a ltr, i think even a sort of monogamy can have benefits as long as it is happening in natural paremeters and is a result of mutual desire, not a forced conformity to a rule. For instance, a Top who cages His bottom and a bottom who loves Him for that. There are innumerable variations on realational experiences. Being in a ltr provides an opportunity to get to know a person better, to delve deeper than one might in a quickie hook up... though i've had some pretty profound hook ups. i think a lot depends on how well a person knows their self and how practiced they are at being open and vulnerable. i too love human behaviour and how the mind works. To me, collaring/being collared is hot... physically and psychologically collaring and being collared is even hotter from their respective perspectives/natures and connections.

Well, yeah, but they aren't mutually exclusive. They're pretty awesome when they mix or overlap. i'm a bottom who loves a Top who also is into mind fuck. Every now and then our paths will cross in hook up sex and we are both feeling it deeply. He reads me and knows His power over me, and loves the opportunity to exercise Who He is. Breeding me deep, and then knowingly kissing my neck or whispering something that collars me into my ear, my back arches involunarily sending Him deeper into me while i bite my mattress to keep from declaring my love for Him. hehe, it happens, and it's sweet.

Ditto RawCumboy. As a bottom in heat, i'll often be pretty obvious too. if i have even the smallest idea that you are looking, i'm in heat pretty fast and doing things like letting my ass crack show in front of you, maybe walking past you and rubbing up against your cock accidentally. i'm going to be presenting my ass to you though, bending over etc. if i suspect you need some pussy, i'm going to let you know i want you in some pretty obvious ways. If both are looking, cruising is not hard at all, just your cock is.

i'm sure that's true about some Tops, but not universally? There are guys who are Tops on this site who would not only be okay with that, but would pimp you out. i think a cool thing about discussions like this is we start to identify ideas that are traditional in the straight community that we just have assumed as 'normal' or the way it is. Instead, why not 'know thyself' and know how to express that... like you just did. Being a cum dump for anyone isn't something you'll see many in the straight world admitting too, even if they are. There are indeed Tops out there who would be okay with you being such a cum dump for anyone and would love you for it. But there's more to that in a gay relationship, so i think the challenge has a lot more details, but that's a start 😉

i too have camera issues. i often look drunk or half crazed. i look at myself in the mirror and query (cause i'm queer): "Eek, do i really look like that?" i doubt you have face issues, but if you do, your sweet ass makes up for it. 🙂

Anyone else wish there were ways to meet men for actual relationship vs just hooking up for sex? BZ has come closest (for me) as being an online place to meet and have ongoing discussion and relationship, though it isn't really a dating site. i've was on OKCupid for years, but it has turned into a bot paradise and is pretty useless for meeting guys for more than sex. i watch these romantic gay movies where guys meet and fall in love, or they have a group of gay friends and i wonder if there is such a thing and how it happens?

yep, i too experience bots every time i go on A4A. i've never encountered a bot on squirt. grindr is a joke. i have never been remotely tempted to pay for grindr because their free ap is so dismal and restrictive, and has as many bots as A4A. i miss CL though it had more flakes than a snowstorm. i don't think i've ever experienced a bot on bbrt? i encountered the most sophisticated scammer on Recon. He was extremely patient and somewhat engaged and played me for about a month before trying to scam me, but eventually all the usual red flags were there. Oh, Okcupid has been over run by bots too. i even got my account hacked and taken over there, which i think is very weird. A straight guy from Europe? OKC contacted me to let me know and told me they had restored part of my profile. i got messages from women who had apparently been in contact with this guy after it was changed back. my OKCupid profile was very long and extensive because i considered it the only real dating ap i was on (vs hook up). i'm still not convinced i was actually 'hacked' and suspect that someone crossed some wires at OKC, but who knows? After my profile was ruined, i didn't have the heart or confidence to go back on that site and start over, but it had more bots than any i have been on. The site used to be pretty cool, but was messed up when Match bought them out.

Great description. When i got mine in the mail, i opened it and it say on a chair in my bedroom for several days before i cleaned out and put it in. As mentioned above, for me it would ideally be placed by a Top who's desire was to plug a bottom very deeply. The colon is about 3-5 feet long and the small intestine is about 22 feet long, so this thing does fill a lot of the colon. To me, the fact that your Boyfriend wanted you plugged with it the whole evening while you were out is fuckng awesome. i wore mine for about 30 minutes and it was quite a presence for that long, i felt plugged in a way i that is very different than ass plugs, a Top could really use this on His bottom to assert His presence deeply. Be kinda hot while out if He reached over and rubbed your belly now and then.

Leatherpunk, i think you've gotten some thoughtful and valuable input here. i deal with this kind of stuff all the time as a critical care nurse. i got a patient yesterday who came into the ED tweaking. His tox screen tested positive for meth, he denied partying to me. He was all over the map physically, arms flailing, heart racing. Of course, i don't see the guys who PnP and perceive they are having a good time, i see all the issues that arise with PnP, most common are brain damage and heart damage. People destroy their hearts beyond repair and need a transplant, but usually cannot get one because of the cause. my input is similar to many. i think you need closure and i think counseling with a grief counselor is a good idea, as well as joining a group so you won't be alone with this. Thank you for sharing this. i think your sharing this and talking about it on this site is one of the best things you can do to honor Marks memory. There is so much fantasy that happens on this site, guys romanticizing and fetishizing drugs and disease, but rarely with a balanced understanding. Your sharing your and Marks story is a sad and common outcome that our community needs to grasp. i love my gay family and i long for us to be a healthy and thriving community, not one bent on self destruction. i've been around drugs since i was 13, been at more parties than i can count, but have always been the observer, never partook. Now as a healthcare provider, i see all the people who have bad experiences, and the many who progressively kill themselves with reuse. We need to see the sadness and grief that these drugs can cause.

Yeah, in the long run, it's worth it to me. my frustration is usually with guys who don't understand that a bottom has to clean out and what's involved. They're horny, contact me and want it now. i have gotten a bottle of water when out and cleaned out in a public restroom, but going back and forth to the sink to refill can be a process lol. i'm pretty careful and tend to do deep clean outs, but i dream of having a Top who doesn't care and would just breed me whenever He wants or needs. For me, the hardest part is not eating. Once i have prepped, i don't eat until i have been bred, and there's not always a guarantee of that. i went to a gay resort in November and was only able to get to suck up until the last day i was there, they had changed their venue so the way i usually get bred (anonymous walk in from guys outside the resort) wasn't available (outsiders had to pay to get on the premises). So i had to rely on guys staying at the hotel. Didn't eat a lot that week. However, the day before i left, one guy crushed me, i left my door open and He came in and bred me wonderfully, then told others, and they bred me, so it made it all worth it.

Having a permanently changed hole. It's been changed by Tops into primarily a hole for Tops to penetrate, and i can always feel that. Love the connection i feel with a Top who 'gets it' and i can see that look in HIs eyes that He knows i am there for Him and how perfect the mutual need is from opposite directions. To me those Tops who need to put Their Self inside a cumdump vs just jack off and waste Their Self.

It's wonderful. i love a Top with a pierced cock of any sort, but have only had Tops with PA's . For me, just seeing His cock with a PA, etc., it like an extra message He is sending about the importance and status of His cock and what it is for. In my mind, cock piercings are only for Tops and piercings like taint are cool for bottoms. In my experience, the Top usually puts the PA in my pussy first, then His cock follows vs all at once. Once His cock is in, to me the PA is like a part of HIs cock. It's hard to describe for me, i see it the same as Tops who are really into Toys or FIsting, so much so that They become One with what ever They are using or attached to. i particularly love His awareness and intent of how His cock with the addition is effecting His pussy.

i still haven't done it. i've had lots of piss up my ass, and love that, having a Tops cock and contents in my pussy is always my first choice, butt having Him in me is so important that i'll take Him any way He wants or needs. Honestly, not yet having drunk piss i'm still nervous about it, but i love the Top/bottom dynamic of being in the position to take Him and Him 'training' me to take it. For me the bigger part of sex is psychological, Him penetrating and putting a part of Himself in me, so it's mind fuck for me. i suspect i will not enjoy the taste of piss... initially, that it will end up becoming one of those things where i am changed by a Tops need and desire to love it and it will become yet another need for me to have it once He has inseminated me with His piss and impregnated me with Himself. That's how it works with me, it's like a Top turns me into an addict who needs Him after conditioning me.

Ha, interesting, but true. i guess i've just been lucky. i stand corrected, shouldn't just go on my experience. Oral sex is not a common cause of infection with this bacteria. Chlamydia is less likely to be transmitted during oral sex because the bacteria that cause chlamydia prefer to target the genital area rather than the throat. This is why it is unlikely for chlamydia to be transmitted from mouth-to-penis and penis-to-mouth contact, although it is still possible. It is even less likely for transmission to take place from vagina-to-mouth or anus-to-mouth contact. Transmission is not known to occur from mouth-to-vagina and mouth to anus contact [think before following links] [think before following links] http://chlamydiacoalition.org/chlamydia-101/transmission/

Ditto you and pozguyinchi. i have a fantasy of having a Top who is so full of need and desire to breed that He doesn't care if i'm cleaned out or not. i fantasize about His sliding in and breeding me spontaneously, any time the need arises. But that's a fantasy that has never happened. i've talked to a few Tops online who share a similar fantasy, but i have to wonder how it would play out in reality? i kinda doubt i'd be able to get past the smell and mess if it happened. Maybe the embarrassment of it if it was a D/s thing? idk.

"Worthless cumdiump" is a an oxymoron to me, a contradiction of terms. I'm not saying that there are not Tops or bottoms who think there is such a thing, i'm just saying that our actions belie the term? A Top can jack himself off and cum that way, but he prefers (values) a cumdump over his hand. He spends time and effort seeking out this "worthless" person as a place to put His cock and cum. A bottom who really thought he was "worthless" would be spending his time looking for Tops to fuck his bottom friends instead of himself because he just isn't worth it lol. i think it's the other way around for both Tops and bottoms. Fucking and getting fucked, seeding and getting seeded, is a way that we affirm our value to each other and ourselves. The Top affirms the value of the bottom by putting His cock and seed in him and the bottom affirms the Tops value by prepping and showing his craving for the Top. i think it's symbiotic , even though an expression of the opposing forces of yin and yang.

lol, i read this title as someone having a 'bottom free' (i.e., no bottoms) Thursday in Chicago.