tallslenderguy

Here's another one... and i'll pre qualify, i say this a little tongue in cheek: "Versatile:" anyone else feel that "versatile" is just the new word for bottom lol? I know there are real and genuine versatile guys out there (carry on). i have even encountered several profiles where versatile guys are even a little defensive insisting that they are "real versatile" or "total versatile" (totally both ways?), which makes me think they too have found their word has been usurped by bottoms who, for whatever reason, don't want to identify as such.

Lmao. Yeah, i've run into those more than a few times. Re the STD/HIV test, i like to hope a lot of guys just don't update their profiles? That or there's a certain part of the hook up app population who live a generally chaste life and only come out to play annually, so that test last year is still valid (rolls eyes). And oy, the time wasters plea. If only it were as simple as that? i sometimes feel there are more catfishes's than real guys trying to actually hook up.

That's funny! Just when you thought you were part of the mainstream, someone reminds you you're not lol. Honestly, i have to explain "WS" to guys on hook up sites frequently enough to remind me it's still a 'sport' that hasn't caught on with the general gay population. In their defense "water sports" is a pretty tongue in cheek descriptor.

Ha! That's a funny point. Though, the BZ population might not qualify as a typical sampling of gay guys, i think (hope) the chasers who would find that hot are a minority and not "most" here. i think the point is valid and apart of a thread that runs through a lot of the D/s part of the community that if 'it' comes from a Dom or Top it's gotta be good lol. On the other hand, i think the freedom to express our individual predilections,that may run contrary to 'the norm', is a boon because they question the status quo. There are so many things that are accepted as normal (and any departure as abnormal). i think it's healthy to encounter something that makes us step outside, or at least question our ethnocentricity's.

Thought it might be fun to start a thread about misnomers in the gay community or on hook up sites. Here's a few that strike me as wishful thinking to start with. "SAFE ONLY:" i guess this is code for: " i want to have sex and not get an STD." It surprises me how much ignorance there is about STD's still (even with Google?). Seems to me, life isn't safe and sex is a part of life. "PNP:" i guess this one can mean different things to different people, but i think of meth. This was what inspired me to start this thread. i was at a restaurant the other day and as i parked my car i noticed a guy sort of twirling down the street flailing his hands and saying things to no one in particular. i couldn't tell if he was schizophrenic or tweaking? He was in his own little world, seemed oblivious to anyone else and i thought: "tweakers are only 'fun' from a minimum of 100 feet away."

‘complex.’ Part the meaning of that word for me is “complicated.” For me,my being ‘total bottom’ is less complicated than being ‘versatile.’ Not that I think we choose those predilections. Adding bisexual makes things more complicated too. As I read what you write, you seem versatile and it’s like the Dom/top parts of you find more expression with women and the bottom/sub/(fem?) parts of you find expression with men. A way over simplification, but looking for a framework. my feel is the seeds of who we are are already there and they are fed and grow, develop in experience? Ie, that your sub, bottom, fem attributes find expression with their counterparts in men? I think there essence has mostly always, or long, been there. u don’t think what truly is can be “permanently turned off.” my take is that experience helps us discover ‘who’ we are. I was married 31 years to a woman and my dick never had a problem getting hard. When I divorced, I wondered if I might be bi because I was so functional with my wife. I had opportunity but discovered I’m not bi lol. Over time and with self discovery, I’ve found the only thing that gets my penis erect are being treated as a bottom and/or sub. I suspect that’s just my body being true to who I am, I don’t think I’ve turned anything on or off. Btw, not making absolute claims here, just thinking out loud.

i looked for an appropriate place to share this link, figured this was as good a place as any. [think before following links] https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/aoc-hiv-drug-cost-us-australia-ceo-gilead-video-a8919316.html?fbclid=IwAR0ghCm0DJTIBBAZf58NEcxZIfqYdj7skU05mByFeiyIvv6lWIhWGp9rLx0

This hits so many of my buttons. my sex experience with guys started later than i wanted (or needed) it to, at age 26. i was caught in a traditional american religious tangle that made no allowances for being gay. But i am gay and need guys, so reality won out. At first, the only sex available was anonymous hook up on the DL, so that was all i had. While married and cheating, anonymous sex was a sort of compromise for me. i was miserable, guilty and ashamed of my inability to resist being with a guy, so anonymous sex was quick and isolated (i thought) the emotional/relational parts of me from the act. It seemed like a lesser form of cheating to get fucked under a restroom stall wall or by some random stranger. The truth is, it didn't separate the physical from my emotional/relational needs/desires, it isolated and refined them. These days it seems the more i understand and identify the refined essence i get from anonymous encounters, the more i want to add to it. Most of my sex is still anonymous from want of being able to find more. But i don't see anonymous as cheap or unrelational. If anything, years of anonymous sex has taught me how to identify and get the basics of what we need. To me, sex is connecting and anonymous sex affords the easiest, simplest and quickest way to connect. i've come to understand that i (and i think all of us) have probably an infinite number of connecting places inside of us (and i think the union of our bodies mimics that). i think we could really benefit by having a diet that may include anonymous, but is not solely anonymous? Consequently, these days i look to identify compatible connecting places with another, even in hook ups. It's a lot more complicated and involved process, but the pay off can be wonderful, maybe because it's rare? i find few guys who are interested in being self aware or learning how to identify or articulate the details of their needs/desires. Most want to keep it at a base level of identification like "Top" or "bottom" without delving into the details. i wish more wanted to, to me it makes sex, connecting, so much richer and i can see the potential for wealth. i'm encouraged by discussions like this and several in this community who want to explore and understand what's behind our needs and desires.

On the one hand, i agree with this. One doesn't have to have the anatomical parts to understand how they work. On the other hand, a woman will never be able to relate to having a penis, and i think that gets into another angle of this, the emotional/mental parts. You seem bi, so it makes emotional sense to you to seek out a woman for a bj, but that emotional desire is missing for a gay guy, and i think that's an important part of the connection. i'm not going to try and get into all the complexities i see, but EasyPrey2020 might have no emotional sexual connection with a woman and so if he did submit to a bj from a woman, it wouldn't have the same feel as it would for a bi guy, even if physically it was the exact same bj. i was married to a woman for much of my life, i learned how to give her multiple orgasms pretty early on. Over time though, that would actually upset her. She got to a place in our relationship where she said: "stop caring about pleasuring me, i just want you to take me." Haha, how many subs or bottoms here can relate to that? i sure can. It didn't matter how good i was at making her cum physically, she could feel that i didn't desire or need her in the way a straight or bi guy would, because i didn't need and desire her the way i need and desire a Man. There's an emotional intent born out of our internal workings (we label those needs/desires with words like Top, bottom, Dom, sub, versatile... and a million other kinks) that goes along with the physical sex we are having. One of the things i really like about this site is we often discuss and delve into our inner workings.

i always get the impression from You that You 'get it' when it comes to the mind fuck potential in D/s. Of course, that's a totally subjective assessment on my part. i agree that shaming is a sort of double edged sword. i often consider the phenomenon, trying to understand it better. i suspect the shame is a culturally conditioned feeling that we should be different than we are, and when Someone states the "truth" of it as a Top or Dom who obviously gets off on that true part of my person, there is the excitement of need and desire met at the same time that taboo need is exposed. i think shaming is an affirmation on both sides, of the Dom and the sub. Both need from opposite ends that nurtures the other.

As i've evolved, i've become more and more an advocate for sexual compatability as a foundation for relationship. Actual practical knowledge of our sexual needs/desires, and consideration of those when looking for a mate. i lived in a marriage (to a woman) for 31 years, and though i loved her deeply, it was torture. Of course, i'm gay, so that complicated it lol, but we also both had sub natures and were both bottoms. my best sex has always been with total or primarily Tops, usually with some Dom mixed in. Sex with versatile or bottom guys has been quid pro quo, and i think that is a recipe for failure... especially long term. i have known bottoms and versatile guys who i love dearly, but i generally keep i platonic (unless the versatile guy is feeling top at the time), because i hate being in the position of obligatory or quid pro quo sex. To me, that really ruins the connection. i think it's a law of nature that opposites attract. Of course, we're more complex than charged ions, but i think our complexities can enhance the attraction and bond we experience. i wish more guys were interested in the mental and emotional aspects of sex. Re "shaming." i get what you mean here i think, but there's also a mysterious type of, idk, shaming or humiliation that can be intensely sexy and feed something in both the giver and receiver. i always refer to it as "affectionate humiliation." Even though i know there are guys who get off on rough, bullying, etc., forms of this, for me it has to come from affection or in a matter of fact way to find my need and push that button. There are Dom/Top guys who have told me that i don't have a cock. Some have called it a "clit," others a penis etc., but they make the distinction between what they have and what i have and make clear that i don't have what they have. It's all gets complex and there is a mysteriousness to it for me, but done 'right' it has the effect of bringing out a deeply submissive, warm and gratified feeling in me... and apparently, in Them too. Though various kinks can involve what looks and feels like 'shaming' and 'humiliation,' there are some that can be deeply fulfilling on both sides. The trick, again, seems to be compatibility.

^^this^^. Top and bottom, yin and Yang, has always been. I think our deepest experiences are in response and discovery of our nature

i don’t know if it’s evolution or discovery of what is already there, but your story is familiar to me. I knew I like guys from an early age, but conformed to my cultural upbringing, married a woman and stayed married 31 years. We had sex that entire time and getting hard was never an issue. I was 6 years married before my first experience with a guy, and it was like being unleashed, instant slut. Sex was versatile, I honestly didn’t think of labeling myself “top” or “bottom” or versatile. After divorce and having the freedom to be who i am, i’ve increasingly discovered an internal bottom.

i know with some guys it's all about quantity of loads, and that can be hot, but that's not a driver for me. For me, it's more the feeling that i have met my Tops need and desire to breed. And that's not some sort of bottom altruism, to me it's a turn off when a guy says he wants to please me and i get the sense that i am somehow unnecessary in the equation. i see the Top/bottom dynamic as symbiotic. i need/desire a Tops need/desire to penetrated and breed me. In that vein, staying soft is about my internal wiring. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me if i stay soft or get hard, what matters is how the guy i am with responds to that. i often don't hook with versatile guys because it seems most want to use my penis in some way that makes me feel like they are wanting me to be top (just as you note). i spent a weekend with a versatile guy last spring. We talked online for a long time before getting together and i was painfully and tediously clear about being a bottom and what that meant to me, that i didn't want my penis touched and why. He was very affirming, said that wasn't a problem and that he understood. He made me cum twice that weekend by touching my penis. sigh. After he went home, he wrote and asked how i felt about the weekend. When i confronted him about using my penis, he got defensive and made fun of the fact that i didn't want my penis touched. Bottom line is, he just didn't get it. On an intellectual level he may have had some grasp, but psychologically he just didn't relate and apparently couldn't get it. i've had Dom guys make me cum using my penis, but that has been very different for me because of the psychological distinction they were abel to establish and make. It actually incorporated my being total bottom and was really hot.

yeah, especially when He contacts me later and wants to do it again.

No. No guilt at all. No suppress or repressed guilt or shame. i know what it feels like though. i was religious and married for a big part of my life and it took a lot of introspection and processing to see through the homophobic ideas i grew up with and was conditioned by. But i did, and it's the best peace and feeling to be free of guilt and shame about who and how i am. Now, i just smile and enjoy the hell out of men. Damn, i fucking love men and the freedom to do so. i love males and being a male. It's like i am rebelling against anything, i've seen through the garbage that held me captive and it simply has no power any more to make me feel guilt or shame.

i think this is a fasinating topic. To me, an erect penis is a sign of arousal. i spent a large part of my life married to a woman and never once had any issue getting erect, indeed, it was ridiculously easy. But i haven't been with a woman since 2008 when i divorced from my wife. i've had the opportunity, but no interest. Like your self though, my psychology with men is totally different. "Conditioning" is a curious word... maybe combined with how we're wired? i'm almost exclusively bottom, and ideally don't want to use my penis. i do, i edge a lot and eventually cum, but psychologically i'd love the kind of relationship where my orgasm was in the hands of a Top, controlled, caged. i love the idea of a Top controlling my orgasm and by Him wanting me totally cock receptive. Nowadays, the things that get me erect are Tops who are ass obsessed, who need or want to breed and are not interested in my penis. Or even better, are interested in purposely minimizing my penis. For me, it emphasizes the opposite dynamic of the relationship. i've had some Top/Dom guys refer to my penis as a "clit," which makes it hard as a rock. They don't miss a beat when it does smiling and acknowledging my "engorged clit." i'm not the least bit feminine, but get hugely turned on by a Top who feminizes me (seems you do too?). If a guy shows interest in my penis as a 'cock,' i can't get hard to save my life. i confess there are times when i see a soft, smooth boy ass and sometimes wanna breed it, but cannot get hard even if i try. This was never a problem in the past, and it's totally psychological, because i physically have no problem getting hard. If that same boy looks at me and says: "you can't breed me with your fag seed, you're going to take my cock and seed." Well, just sitting here in the air port writing that made me rock hard. When i get fucked now, i am soft. If i think i wanna use my penis to penetrate, i stay soft. Any talk of me getting penetrated or bred, i get hard and as soon as it starts, i get soft. If a top goes for my penis, it goes soft. For me, it's all psychological.

Donate them to Salvation Army.

when i started using GH's when younger, i'd have "dreaded" sharing a booth, but i've changed. i often start out taking a cock through a GH and the guy ends up in my booth. i too am tall (6'5") and getting my hole level with a GH and keeping it there for the duration of a fuck can leave one's legs wobbly. Also, sucking a cock through a GH has the disadvantage of a wall. i love to cup a guys balls and take His cock to the hilt, often can't do that through a GH. The anonymity is hot, but it's a trade off.

Lol, agreed, I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv. You asked for input, glad you understand this is not clinical or medical advice, just simply discussing and giving you the feedback you asked for. To me this is more along the lines of fellow sports team members encouraging each other... “shyness” is not a medical condition.

i suggest practice. It seems you've already identified the issue. Kinda like getting back up on the horse after falling off. You have to overcome the notion/pattern in your brain that tells you you are not going to get hard by proving to yourself that you can. Maybe practice at a glory hole where there is less visual or personal connection, so it's less complicated? You know that this is not physical, so maybe putting yourself in position where you can become more easily distracted from being "shy." A bath house might be another good place, just sort of overwhelm your self with opportunities and take it out of the 1:1 ratio?

i'm with those who suck every cock. i'm never disappointed about size (even when getting fucked). To me, being a Top is an internal, emotional/psycological disposition. If a Guy is wired to penetrate another guy with His cock, i'm a receiver. Although cum is a good indicator that He had the ultimate pleasure getting sucked, it's His orgasm that i need/want. Yeah, i know, cum and orgasm pretty much go hand in hand, but for me feeling and hearing a Guys pleasure as He orgasms is the most awesome feeling in the world for me. For me, my primary orgasm is HIs. As best i can describe it, the magic of connecting with another guy sexually is the shared experience, not two individual experiences. It's like at the moment of orgasm, His orgasm transfers from Him into me and becomes mine. For me, the physical size of the cock is a factor, but not anywhere close to the primary factor or need/desire of taking a cock into me.

When i first read the title i read it as: "Does manstick make your boy pussy twitch?" and i thought: "hell yes!!"

Depends on what you mean by "impotent." Impotence can be caused by physical factors and/or mental and emotional factors. Physically, vascular disease is the most common issue, lack of blood circulation. Mentally/emotionally, all sorts of things can contribute. For some time now i don't get hard when guys are talking to me about my penis, wanting it, etc.. If they want to, (and talk about it), penetrate me, i get hard as a rock. Though, once a guy is inside of me, i go soft again. It's not a simple black or white situation for me that i can predict, but for me i can trace it to mental/emotional factors.

Haha, no, missed on all accounts (as far as i know, none of those are taboo on BZ?) i've even tried Recon and it seems most of the guys who approach me there are after my feet?!? i hooked with one guy from there who was soooo fucking hot, and all he was into was tickling feet (mostly). This is apparently what happened to all those kids who grew up with Tickle Me Elmo made by Tyco Pre School. And they says gays have an agenda.