tallslenderguy

we seem very alike in this. i don't think i have experienced and anal orgasm? i've cum from my penis by being fucked, but i'm guessing this is different from what is being described as an anal orgasm. Mentally and emotionally, i'm a receiver, ideally would never touch my penis on my own (though i do), i'd rather be able to be sexually like i have the equivalent of a male "pussy" and "clit." That works for me psychologically too. The only times i am satisfied by a guy making me come using my penis is if He is relating to it, not as a cock or even a penis, but something only a bottom sub has, so "clit" works for me. The mind fuck of Him believing He is stimulating my "clit" and that i don't have a cock or penis is an integral part of it since my mind and emotions are very engaged in sex. i am wondering if this is why i have not experienced an anal orgasm? That i am to focused on trying? Or maybe i haven't done it right? i've had some awesome and long fucks before and felt like i was close on many occasions, but wonder if i have prevented it from anticipation? i do have a fuck machine, is it a matter of just going long enough? How do i get one? i feel like if i just experienced it, id be able to train or at least know how it's done?

This will prolly be a different, but similar in many ways version of what rawsatyr wrote. i came out of a 31 year marriage (to a woman) and out of a conservative religious culture. i think heteronormative "rules" have a lot of roots in religion. Having deeply analyzed those "rules" and processed through them, i've developed what i believe is a healthy response to any rules: "where did the rule come from and why is it a rule?" Most of us have grown up in heterosexual dominated culture. That's changing, there are gay people out there now who may have been raised by two moms or two dads, trans, etc. etc., or something non traditional, but even those relationships may be colored by heterosexual and/or religious culture. For me, a long term, dedicated relationship is more about emotional loyalty than it is about sexual monogamy. This is not a perfect analogy because i think that sex has much more to it than eating, but i see sex as a natural necessity, like eating. Monogamy is sort of like saying that partners can only eat together and only the food each has prepared for the other. my personal desire for a ltr type relationship is more about depth. For me, anonymous hook up sex is like fast food. Some tastes better than others, it's quick, comparatively easy to get and it helps with hunger. A ltr has the potential of elegant, nutritious dining, so to speak... but it can also be like a constant diet of McDonalds. In other words, a "serious" relationship isn't a thing in and of itself, it is what you and your partner make of it. i can see a ltr going either direction (monogamy or not), that is not central to a relationship for me. What is central is mutual and ongoing care and dedication to each other. Sexually, it represents an opportunity to go much deeper into emotional and mental fucking that just can't happen is a quick hook up. That can go either direction when it comes to monogamy. For instance, i can easily see myself in a relationship with Top or Dom guy who gets into whoring me out, and it wouldn't simply be about getting lots of cock for me. For me, i would relate to the experience/s as still being fucked by Him, because He would have the control. i wouldn't have a problem with Him fucking others, i'd have trouble with Him hiding or lying to me (or vice versa) about anything because, to me, a ltr is about loving and accepting the person for who they are. If they felt the need to hide or lie, it would be because they felt the threat of rejection. Remove that threat, and it becomes a non issue (and i know guys who have found this). To me, if we love each other, we'd take joy in each others enjoyment, not try to restrict it. We'd be allies in helping meet each of the others needs and desires. i think it's a mistake to assume we can be everything a person needs or expect that from another. i think that false idea ends up creating scenarios of cheating and lying to maintain the illusion that the other is everything. If we don't have that expectation in the first place, there's not an expectation to be disappointed or failed.

i'm answering again, my original answer went off on a tangent, idk, just not satisfied by it. Also, i went in search of this question, or one similar, because of my continuous failure to find "love." (read: "a ltr connection with someone special, that doesn't necessarily translate into monogamy for me, but i don't rule it out). i think i come closest to being a breeding slut because i haven't found love. But, i'm not sure, i might qualify as breeding slut even if i did find love? i can't count the number of times i've thought i found love, only to have the guy flake on me. i think a lot of that sort of thing happens online, that it's just so easy to flake with online meets. i've had guys profess love and that they couldn't believe the connection, etc., etc., only to have them suddenly change their mind. i'm a huge optimist, i never seem to give up, but i've noticed myself becoming frayed at the edges. i know i fuck around because that's all i have and it's better than nothing. For me, it's about the desire i have for a guy and His desire for me. my own particular sub/bottom nature feeds off of my Top/Dom, it's sort of a reflection of Him. It's mental and emotional for me and it runs deep. A frustration i have with simple slutty breeding is it's near impossible to make those kinds of deep connections in a hook up.

i understand what you are talking about, but i don't relate. For me, the mental part of dominance supersedes the physical in power. If the physical has any sort of bullying flavor to it, i shut down (not give in, but become closed, inaccessible) or outright rebel. But i do get the wrestling, sparring flavor of what you are describing, it's just transferred to the emotional/mental for me. The word "contempt" hits the nail on the head for me, except i don't "get it." i understand, but i don't get (read: "accept") anyones contempt for me or how i am. For that matter, i don't accept anyones contempt for another. To me, contempt is a delusional hiding place and it prevents connection. i want/need to connect with guys, particularly in a D/s, Top/bottom chemistry. It seems to me that showing contempt for the guy you are using for gratification is a deep expression of self contempt and a rejection of the very thing that draws us together. So, i'm inclined to think that it's not so much the spit but the attitude behind the act that has the effect of turning me off. It's a fascinating line, because i am totally collared by some forms of what i deem "affectionate humiliation." The key for me is the "affectionate" part. i think the affection is the Dom's or Top's way of acknowledging His own need and desire, so the connection happens.

Something i wonder when i read "nor do i feel left behind or oppressed when politicians or religious people say...," is how old are you, and what kind of culture did you grow up in? Some here have witnessed a cultural revolution when it comes to guys having sex with guys. Even as recently as 1998, i was arrested and charged with a felony because i asked an undercover cop if he wanted to fuck me. It was VA and even in '98 a special unit of "vice" cops existed who purposely pretended to be gay and cruising in order to entrap gays. i was charged with a 100 year old law that made it a felony for two guys to fuck. The attorney general at the time, Bob McDonnell (who later became governor and was indicted for being a criminal), was a virulent anti gay and had told his attorneys to go for the jugular. i grew up in an era and religious culture that stated homosexuals were going to hell, or at best, were broken sinners that needed to repent. Medical books published before 1973 labeled homosexuality as a "disorder." As a kid, i remember going to the library to try and learn about how i was feeling about guys, and the idea that i was "sick" was just reinforced. i was an unsophisticated kid and had no info or support to the contrary. Sure, i eventually processed through all that shit, but it took time and i married a woman and had kids in the process. my former wife and kids remain religious and disowned me when i came to a place of honesty, openness and acceptance about my sexuality. I remember a time when the extreme fundamentalist christian religious wanted to make laws to put people in prison for having same sex sex, and i don't doubt for one second that they still would given the opportunity. Don't get me wrong, i have overcome my oppressive cultural upbringing, but it wasn't easy. Think Stockholm Syndrome. Funny story, i went to the farmers market on PRIDE weekend and there was a PRIDE rally. There was also a group of religious right folk with their posters and megaphone telling us to repent and that we are all going to hell. i raised my hand an flipped them off as i walked by their booth, felt really good.

Great question/topic. For me, there's stuff that is deeply entrenched in my mental and emotional identity, other things that are boarder line, and other things on the other side of the line. Spitting in the mouth is one of those things on the other side of the line for me. I.e., it's hard for me to imagine liking or wanting it. i was at a gay resort a few months ago and a guy hit on me pretty hard. i was sucking Him and He said He wanted to spit in my mouth... i demurred. i can count on one hand the number of times i've said "no" to a Top in my life. He did ask though. Something that turns me off completely is a bully, and while He had a sort edginess to Him, He wasn't a forceful bully... which has the effect of opening me up and so the seduction can happen. For some reason, He wanted me to take His spit into my mouth and i could see the want in His eyes, which always turns me on. i never see a Dom/Top's need or want as 'weak', just the opposite, i see their willingness to be vulnerable as courageous and strong. So, i'm seeing this look in His eyes as i am looking up while sucking Him and He tries a second approach... He withdraws His cock from my mouth and spits on His cock. Not in a forceful way, just sort of like asking again, and i took it. "Training?" it would seem. Same with throating a large, thick cock. i used to have an aversion, but encountered a Dom who "trained" me, not by force, but by encouragement and praise. He was insistent and persistent. i don't think there was any question in His mind that i'd take His cock exactly as He wanted, but the way He went about it opened me up. i was gagging (i hate to gag), my eyes were tearing (and He kept having me look in His eyes) and my nose was running from it, yet He kept telling me how well i was doing and how proud of me He was and switching it over to how much i enjoyed it and how proud of myself i was. By the time He was done, i adored Him and since then pretty much threat every cock i get now. i'm guessing, if done by a skilled Top, they can use my sub side to get whatever they want, but some things are harder to get to than others for me.

okay, that makes sense. Interesting the things we attach too emotionally? i've always stayed sort of skinny, not lifted weights to get bigger muscles. i did martial arts and yoga, but purposely didn't get the more muscled body i associate with Dom or Top. i can see how culturally, smoking a cigar is more of a Dom type thing to do.

lmao. Ditto. i recommend "Being and Nothingness."

i have a Dom/Top guy chatting me up and interested, He is very into leather and cigars and i'm not all that familiar with either. i sort of get leather, but the cigars part from the Top's point of view? Yeah, what others have written here makes sense, but it doesn't seem to explain the strength of the fetish? Of course, that might be said about any fetish, i.e., it's hard to understand why we have a strong emotional attachment to something? It seems to me that cigars have a phalic element , but it's hard for me to reconcile a Top sucking on a big fat cigar, that seems like something i'd want to do as a bottom lol. The other thing is i'm in health care and about 25% of my patients suffer from diseases related to tobacco. i know and understand in great detail the damaging and weakening effects tobacco has on the body, so it really bothers me that the image that smoking is powerful is still out there.

[laughing] i know, right? This to me is Madison Avenue at its finest, the ad is so well written, and deceptive. A properly shaped cucumber in the right hands, or skilled fingers could have similar effect. The point is hitting the prostate and how it's done. i too have had a few Tops who knew how to do that. Of course, it's easier to get 40 euros than it is to find a permanent Top. 😉

Would someone please explain this one to me? i did a quick search here and on google, but didn't really find an explanation of cigar fetish? i don't understand what it entails?

Was cruising around on Recon today and before signing in , this ad popped up for the "CUMELOT I - Milking plug for forced ejaculation" As a sub bottom, i was immediately interested lol, but unless there is some new, magical technology, this looks simply like a hyped prostate toy, and not a very good one at that? Am i missing something? i totally love the description and immediately wanted one and the Dom to go with it, but my brain kicks in and tells me this isn't a real thing?

"Help, I'm too tight..." sounds like a pick up line.

i'm 99.999999 bottom. i do fuck on occasion, but it takes really specific kind of guy to arrouse me in that way, so i stopped putting "bottom versatile" on my profiles and just put "bottom" or "total bottom." it's accurate, i am happiest that way. i've gotten to the point where i'm almost afraid to hook with anyone who has "versatile" in their profile because that seems to consistently mean "i want to get fucked" in my experience lol. i went to a lot of trouble to pick a guy up (literally, he had no car and lived a couple hours away) and spend the weekend with him. He was "versatile" in his profile, and we spent days chatting online before the hookup. i was painfully clear about being a total bottom and not wanting or liking my penis touched, and he repeated stated that he knew lots of guys like me and understood and respected that "fact." Damn if he didn't do my penis twice. When i spoke to him about it he got upset and made fun of my being a total bottom and not wanting my penis touched. i've begun to think it's just an ego centric thing where these guys simply don't get that everyone is not like them, that there are actually different people out there. sigh

Not the least bit surprised that you've "become very good at top fisting." What surprises me more is total Tops or total Dom/Tops who are very good at fisting. Not knowing first hand how it feels or what the bottom is feeling, yet still being able to connect, is pretty remarkable to me. What i wonder is how it affects you or what you are feeling as a top fister? On an internal, emotional level, i don't make much distinction between topping with a fist or a cock. I.e., for me, it is the emotional/mental disposition behind wanting to penetrate, and for me 'possess,' another guy that is behind the act that really pulls me in.

These comments seguey for me. i do get that a creating a very opened and accessible hole requires practice/training, that it's unrealistic for a bottom to think a Top can work instant magic. In the absence of an ongoing relationship with a Dom or Top who wants to train my hole, i typically will only hook with fisters who are cool with not getting in and who are into the process of opening. i'm clear that i have not taken a whole hand yet and what i want. i've also met more than a few Dom's who relish the idea of being the first to pop my cherry and make my hole Theirs. That mentality really appeals to me because it's just as much the mind fuck behind fisting as it is the actual act that draws me in.

i don't want to believe this. i have this fantasy of a relationship with a Top who has complete control over my hole and it is His sole domain to open it and mold it as He wants it? To me, putting things in my own hole is like trying to be my own Top, it's a hard hurdle for me. On the other hand, i get if one doesn't have that kind of relationship and wants to hook with Tops who want to fist, or have a gaping hole, that's an ongoing process, not a one time event... i do understand it takes time to develop a loose, fistable hole...

"mind?" i pretty much crave anything that comes out of a Top that He wants to put inside of me. Piss is awesome, in some ways more than cum to me, because i absorb it and it is obvious when i urinate that my Tops piss has mixed with mine. To me, it's a type of impregnation. Also love if a Top expresses His needs and lust through not only using me as a human toilet, but sharing me that way.

i bought one of these as a gift for a Dom who had aspirations of opening my hole for Himself... He ended up flaking on me, so it sits in my toy drawer awaiting a Top with similar needs and desires.

Great question/discussion topic NLbear. i don't know if i will ever embrace a "daddy status." i am a father of two sons and there is no hint of a sexual relationship there, nor is there any desire for one. "Daddy" for me is emotionally engrained as a heteronormative identity on both sides of he fence. I.e., one of the harder things for me to adjust to when bottoming for older guys of a certain body type/appearance, over the years, was if they reminded me of my own dad. i know the label "daddy" has a different connotation in the gay community, but i have not disassociated it's long term other meaning in my mind/emotions. Additionally, in the gay community, i find most guys who use the term equate daddy with top, and i tend to do that myself. In the fetish community there's a distinction of being a "boy" that i've often been categorized as... but honestly, that seems kinda silly to me especially when a guy younger than me is calling me "boy." On the other hand, some guys have pulled off calling me "boy" and it touched something very deep when they'd encourage me or praise saying: "good boy." Go figure? It's definitely all emotional for me. The distinctions seem like role play to me, and i eschew role play. On a purely physical level, i'll hook with anyone who needs to breed. Relationally, i have found that my needs/desires have been towards guys my own age. i love plenty of younger guys, but relationally, there just isn't the connection... they're at a different stage in life and i have a hard time imagining a "lover" type relationship with a younger guy. Though i have had plenty of FB type relationships with younger guys, the "daddy status" has never entered into it.

critical care nurse

Not for me. i'll take a physical hook up if that's all that is available, but my desire is always a deeper connection. "Dumb," or worse, the pretense of 'dumb' is a complete turn off to me. i won't even hook with a guy if i perceive he is pretending to be something he is not. i don't just want his cock and cum, i want him.

The more i think about the original question, the more i think terms like "wreck" and "destroy" are largely euphemisms? i met a guy on Recon who came as close to this as anyone i have ever met. I.e., He wanted my hole constantly prolapsed and draining, and the more i got to know Him, that desire extended to my whole person. He wanted me to be sick with AID's and dying, weak and emaciated. The truth is, He found something in my sub nature that loved Him for all of this, but realistically speaking, it wouldn't be sustainable. i suspect He knew this as well, but looked at subs as disposable. When i consider the word "destroyed" or "wrecked," there is a sort of finality to it, nothing beyond that? That does appeal to my submissive nature, but because it's not sustainable, my submissive nature also rejects it because my nature wants to survive to experience submission.

The ones that really make my eyes roll out of my head are guys asking for pics who have none of their own. i agree, if they go down that road, i typically write them off for the very reason you identify, i don't want to be with someone who considers me "borderline do-able." That so nails it for me. i see it as immaturity, not a lack of age, but of experience. i've watched myself evolve over the years from wanting a face pic to wanting a body pic to wanting a cock pic to hitting on guys with no pics on their profile lol. i'm one of those guys who wants to exchange some detailed emails before hooking because i want to get a feel for the guy before getting together... mostly, i want to get an idea of his lust level at the time. For me, it's almost all about the need/desire to fuck and the face/body that contains that need/desire is not the deciding factor. Guys asking for pics are looking foremost for their idea of beauty, not breeding or being bred. my idea of "beauty" has changed to drive... a guy with the need/desire to breed is beautiful to me.

Interesting question. To me, it's the direct connection with the guy who is producing the piss or cum that gives it value? i say that, yet have been known to take found used condoms and deposit the contents. For me, piss it different, in some ways it's more powerful to me than cum. i associate piss with asserting dominance, marking territory. But i also get something from being bred with it because it has a demonstrable impregnating effect, ie., when a Dom/Top pisses inside my hole and i absorb it, i can smell His piss when i urinate and it is obviously HIs piss mixed with mine. i want the added ability to associate piss with an actual encounter with a person.