tallslenderguy

Okay... that info helps narrow this down for me. i don't think your issue is something requiring a urologist because you know you can cum... that's not the issue. The issue is you do not cum when getting sucked or fucking. We know it's not the condom preventing you from cumming because you fuck your husband bare. i think ALPHAboy makes a good point about friction... but the odds of you never being with someone who has provided enough friction seem low to me, unless you simply haven't had much sex with a variety of guys? I.e., you have been monogamous and are now considering an open relationship or you've always used condoms with everyone except your husband. my guess is your block is mental/emotional. So much of sex is in the mind. When i was younger and first married (to a woman) a few weeks into the marriage my wife cried and insisted i didn't care about her because she was not having an orgasm every time we had sex. The truth is, i was young and new at sex (not saying you are, not my point). It wasn't that i didn't care, i was ignorant. i.e., i married as a virgin and had not idea how to make her cum. The point is, from that day, i learned how to condition myself to not cum until she did. Some of it was physical, but for the most part i learned how to flip a switch in my mind where i simply would not orgasm until she did. Her orgasm actually ended up becoming a trigger for my own. What i am thinking is you have done something similar, sort of a reverse of pre-mature ejaculation. You have conditioned yourself not to cum when fucking or getting sucked by belieiving you cannot. i know i am oversimplifying here, i don't presume to know the details of your life or how you got to this place, but it doesn't seem physiological to me. i wonder if something like hypnosis might work to help overcome the mental barrier (if that's what it is) and help you believe you can come when fucking and getting sucked?

i think your "conflict" is culturally derived. You clearly state that your boyfriend doesn't think you're "a selfish lover or a bad bottom." But there are many in gay culture who purport "that the bottom is only there to please his man." i say "many" because even in this conversation it's obvious that this is not a universal notion in gay culture, that is really a sub-culture of the gay community that believes this way. To me it comes down to who makes the rules in your life? We grow up being taught, programmed, culturally conditioned. i grew up in an era and culture where being homosexual was both sick and sinful. It took me a long time to get free of that mind fuck, but i did. And i do mean "Free." i didn't just rebel against it because i want what i want, i really did the work to see through it and get free. i know my situation was not the same thing as what you describe, but it helps make the point: do you want to follow a sub cultures code or do you want to be true to your self? i see culture as a collection of like minded individuals. I.e., a bunch of individuals who all believe similar stuff get together and you have culture. Of course, it's not that easy or neat and clean because all cultures are made of individuals that bring variation into the mix (and often conflict from that). Personally, i'd vote for being true to self. i think there is more conflict in going against who you are than there is in going against the notions of what others think you should be.

If i understand you correctly, it's not that you cannot cum, it's that you have not cum when fucking? Is that correct? Ever? Have you always used a condom with your husband? Do you cum from masturbation or oral stimulation? Can you tell us more? Particularly is it that you cannot cum at all or you just have not cum when fucking?

i may be inferring tone you don't intend, but to me, you 'sound' like a different version of "self-perceived BETTER-gays." That essentially, you are saying what you perceive as "pro-active assertive and preferably masculine POWER BOTTOMS" are superior to "UEBER-CHAUVINIST"'s or "lazy bottoms." i find myself relating to a lot of what you say. i've come close to decking a few presumptuous guys who thought they could freely cause me pain, i shut down with bullies or have a violent response i have, to date, contained. i could go on. i like a lot of your qualities, but i don't think they are universally fundamental, just individually so. The point i want to make is i believe "liberation" is about being true to oneself, not conforming to someone else ideas of what's good or better, right or wrong. Some guys clearly like "whiney" or "clingy," and some guys adore "bullies" (i've seen plenty of guys who identify as "Dom" proudly refer to themselves as "bullies"). i don't relate to either. i feel like i fit into a narrow sub-sub culture of "sub," and there are plenty of guys who identify as "Dom" or "sub" who would tell me i'm not sub because i don't fit their particular definition. i questioned it myself until i started meeting "Dom" guys who were a fit and there was attraction, bonding and awesome, deep connection between us. To me, Dom, sub, passive, pro-active, controlling, etc., etc., are just general descriptors, that there are infinite variations and combinations. , my best connections with guys has been when i am NOT conforming, but am simply honest, open and vulnerable, which i believe is the opposite of weak though often perceived as such and someone who is my opposite is naturally attracted. It's symbiotic. Those connections could never have happened if i was trying to be, or not to be, something other than i am.

i've never really noticed, probably because i always prefer to host. my house is ideally set up for anonymous walk in breeding and i'm waiting naked and ass up on my bed. id say 90% (>1000) of my sex has been like this. i like making it easy for the Top to penetrate and breed, they don't have to be occupied with anything else, like meeting at a door, awkward conversation, etc. As the bottom, i think it's more conducive to the event to also be the host... but i understand that's just me, not a universal notion.

i hear you. i think you nail it when you note: "Good sex always needs communication." i'd add that good relationship of any kind needs communication. The original question was: "Is it wrong for a bottom to use his top's dick for their own pleasure?" i think the simple answer is: "it depends on the two individuals involved." I.e., was it wrong for that particular bottom to use that particular Top's dick for his own pleasure? i've often wondered about gay community biases and prejudices. i want to think that given our history of being labeled and compartmentalized in general terms, that we'd be really good at identifying and not doing that our selves. Not the case. It appears that ethno/egocentricity can infect any culture or person, or even the tiniest sub culture. Reality is, there are no two people alike. We need and use words for communication, but words are never the thing they (attempt to) describe and they can never perfectly describe a person or their disposition. And we know that. It's been proffered the 85% of communication is non verbal. I.e., we use a lot of visual cues and tone in communication. i think the most underused part of communication is looking and listening, seeing and hearing. Someone uses the word "Dom" or "sub" to label their self, and our reflexive response is often to put our definition on those labels. Instead of continuing to listen and look to see and hear the person, we saddle them with our own ideas of the label and try to ride what is really an imaginary horse. It may be a chicken lol. Some of the best D/s connections i have had never involved the use of words like "Dom" or "sub," but the communication was extensive and the sex (both physical and emotional) was AMAZING.

absolutely... i gain my satisfaction from my Tops... it's like His orgasm transfers from Him to me.

Ditto on the other side. i feel wrong straddling and riding a Top, it feels like to much control to me and violates something in me personally. But i understand that appeals to some, and some want that. For me it feels like to much control. Hell, i have a hard time putting a dildo in my own pussy, it feels like i am trying to top myself and it feels really fake (rolls eyes at self)

If i were you, i'd consult with a nephrologist. Not suggesting that Truvada is not a contributing factor, but it is not really clear cut since you have a history of kidney issues prior to Truvada. In addition to being a critical care nurse, i am also certified (through Cornell University) in reversing certain disease proscesses through diet. I'd estimate (conservatively) that 85% of the patients i care for in hospital have diseases that are directly related to diet (and preventable). Without knowing you specifically, i can only speak to generalities. The vast majority of people with kidney disease have it because of vascular disease. Pretty much, if you are American or have eaten the Western Diet your whole life, you have vascular disease. With kidneys, it's usually high blood pressure (HTN) or type two diabetes (DM2) that ends up harming the kidneys, NSAID's are another culprit. You are still in the early stages. If you have HTN, you need to get it under control and keep it that way, otherwise it will shred (almost literally) your nephrons (the functional part of your kidney that filters urine), you have about a million per kidney, so you can imagine how tiny and fragile they can be. Most HTN is caused by vascular disease (BTW, that's true about ED as well). The vascular disease is atherosclerosis and eventual atherostenosis resulting from plaque built up from eating animal fat. i'm way over simplifying this stuff, i cannot provide a science degree in a paragraph, but i am an evidence based professional, i can subtantiate what i proffer with evidence. I.e. i am evidence based vs authority based. I do have the science education and degree, but i don't go on my authority from that degree, but rather rely on peer reviewed study evidence. That's not perfect, but i think science is the best we have, when used properly. The only diet with evidence for reversing vascular disease is a whole food plant based diet (WFPBD) with no added oils, salt or sugar. It's hard, kinda vegan on crack lol, but it can reverse HTN, DM2 and atherosclerosis, the most common causes of kidney disease.

This is, unfortunately, true. A possible solution is to go to a doc-ina-box (aka "urgent care"), tell them the meds you are on and ask for a BMP (basic metabolic panel). That's a standard test that includes creatinine and GFR, or you can just ask for those two (may be cheaper that way, idk). It's a pretty fast process and you'll likely have what you need in a couple of days, i.e., same day doc visit and lab draw, a day or so for the results, often same day. At the hospital where i work, we get those test results in about an hour.

Not necessarily. There are a lot of HIV meds available now, different formulations effect people differently. Truvada (the med used for PreP) is a Nucleoside/nucleotide reverse transcriptase inhibitor. There are currently 10 different HIV meds in this class, Truvada is just one of them. i think there are currently eight different classes of HIV meds and in most cases, each class has several available that are similar but different and thus may produce side effects in some, but not others. Integrase Inhibitors were a big advance, there are currently four different drugs in that class. Then there are meds that combine classes ("Multiclass") that take meds from a couple of classes and combine them into a single dose. HIV treatment always includes drugs from a couple of classes or a multi class med. That's how the virus has been brought under control, it's essentially a one/two punch vs just hitting it at in just one place. Here is an accurate resource on the topic: https://www.healthline.com/health/hiv-aids/medications-list

Thank's for your input... as a medical professional, i know long term use of urethral inserts are a UTI waiting to happen. If a company made one with silver, it might work (silver resists bacterial growth). At the hospital where i work, we give cranberry extract to patients who have catheters in, that also helps reist infection, Is that avatar pic of you? That looks similar to the second cage we've been discussing. If that's you, do you have any issues with pressure wounds wearing that long term? That was the only issue i had wearing the first cage. The process of cramming the whole penis into a "micro" confined space makes for pressure. i was surprised to see the skin on the tip of my penis pushing through the hole for the urethral insert. Am guessing there would be a similar issue with the second cage, the penis pushing between the bars on the cage and eventually causing pressure wounds...

The first one has a urethral insert too, but i have not yet used it. It's pretty large in diameter if one is not used to having something in their urethra. It's about an inch long, but hollowed out stainless steel. The hollow 'plug' cannot be inserted through the hole, so it has to be assembled before putting it on. i can see how it would keep the penis alinned in the cage, but the length extends beyond the cage by almost half, so inserted it seems it would be a fairly aggressive internal part of the cage, not just for urinating. Still pretty wide open and my concern with this one as well is it's wide open to bacteria.

Are you taking other meds in addition to PreP? Even over the counter (NSAIDS are cleared by the kidneys). Definitely talk with your healthcare provider, though that isn't a huge bump (it's a .07 bump on the creatinine, not 5... a 5 point bump would take your GFR under 15 and into accute renal failure. Your GFR was lowish before the PreP, so it seems like you may already have some kidney injury prior to taking PreP. Be a good idea to have a Doc, or a pharmacist, review your med list... make sure you list everything, including over the counter stuff. Could be a combination, could be dehydration, but does need attention.

Ah babe, i think you are over thinking it when you think you say it "...feels like I failed the Top by spoiling his expectation of enjoying a long fuck...." my experience from when i was married is that orgasm control is in the mind (i trained myself never to cum before my wife). Of course, i'm gay and a sub bottom, so that may have added to my ability to control myself lol. my point is i think these guys were very turned on mentally and emotionally, not just physically, and that triggered them. Yep, i'd say it's a compliment ;-). i'd be willing to bet that if you get repeat fucks with these guys, if they normally take longer, you'll get a longer fuck eventually. To me, it's never a fail when a Top cums.

i don't personally think there is any one standard definition for Top or bottom, Dom or sub. i think all Tops, bottoms, Dom's, subs, have things in common, but that doesn't mean they're all the same. To me, it's all about chemistry. i have a sub nature, i can trace it back to age 7. But it's not cookie cutter, i'm an individual. i questioned for awhile just how sub i am, because i didn't fit other's ideas of "sub." Then i started meeting Dom guys who were an awesome fit, the Yang to my yin and i realized that variety is an awesome thing. Not all bottoms are "sub," not all Tops "Dom." And there's probably an infinite number of variations and combinations of those. i think the best relationships involve self knowledge and the ability to articulate... i.e., communication. To me, relationship is all about connecting, as deeply and completely as possible. To that end, i'd suggest you talk to your boyfriend. Tell Him what you are telling us, how much you want to make sure he "...is taken care of and that He cums as much as He needs to." You might discover that He loves how much you love and need His cock. i'm convinced communication is key... i can't count the number of times i've been wrong when i tried to mind read, but it's funny how often we expect to be able to or our partner thinks we should 'just know.' ❤️

i was talking to a Dom guy for recently and our conversations inspired me to buy a couple of micro cages (see below). Pretty unusual for me as i am typically so psychologically sub that i don't like the idea of caging myself lol. sigh. Anyway, i got excited enough about the idea that i went to Amazon and bought a couple of micros. i've worn 'normal' sized cages before with a short place for the shaft of a penis. i'm not huge, but not tiny either, so was curious how it all would work fitting it all in. i wore the first one for a few hours today and gotta say i was surprised on a couple of levels. One is how comfortable it was. It seemed to sort of push part of the penis into the body and with it on it looked like i had a button (dare i say "clit"?). The real surprise was it actually felt comforting to wear... wasn't prepared for that. From the pics you can see both are made to accommodate a hollow urethral plug, which while i find hot, am not sure about the practicality of that long term? Wondering about infection? So i wore it without the urethral insert since it can be worn either way. i noticed after a few hours of wearing it while working in the yard that the skin on the tip of my penis was pushing through the hole made for the urethral plug. i removed it an saw that i was at the beginning stage of getting a pressure wound. Curious if anyone else has encountered this? i didn't try to urinate while wearing it, but my urethra definitely wasn't lined up with the hole in the cage, so i could see that as being potentially messy long term. Except for the pressure wound issue, i could see how this could be a long term thing. i was surprised that it didn't feel restrained, but more like i was being kept small... hard to explain the difference, but it seemed more controlling to me. i didn't get aroused, so i have no idea how it would feel if i got engorged. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07FQBWVX1/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s01?ie=UTF8&th=1 https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01M00CGRJ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1

The sigh, gasp, moment when my Top transfers His orgasm from Him to me. For me, orgasm is the culmination of a whole lot of things. Depending on the connection we have, He can be inseminating my mind and emotions as well as my body. i also love it when the Top is so intent on leaving Himself inside of me me, marking me, that after coming He also stays to fill me with His piss. For me, it's His obvious intent to leave as much of Himself inside of me that totally makes me wild and His.

This is a picture of the rectum and sigmoid colon. The rectum is between 4.5 to ~6 inches in length before it becomes the sigmoid colon. The sigmoid colon curves back downward, so your cock is hitting the curve and going into the sigmoid colon... there isn't an actual sphincter. Everyones anatomy is a little different, some have longer rectums, some have a more dramatic curve connecting the rectum and sigmoid. What's happening is your cock is hitting that curve and entering the sigmoid, some deeper, some not as far depending on their particular anatomy. i have a long dildo snake (17") that i have fed all the way in my pussy. Tops who are well hung hit my curve and it hurts if they pound it a certain way, sort of like a Top will do by withdrawing from my pussy opening and reentering, out and in. Others sense the curve and slowly enter my second hole, straightening the curve with their hard cock and then fucking my second hole with the end of their cock. i can feel the pressure at the bend that the Top is straightening with their hard cock, and they can feel the pressure of that straightened bend on their cock. i love the feel when a Top gets through then fucks me deep, they are fucking my gut vs just pounding at the curve and withdrawing.

Cherokee Park.

It's a strategy i suppose, but it's sort of like loading the chamber of a gun with fewer buletts before pulling he trigger. Taking this site as a microcosm, we know there are guys out there intent on pozzing other guys. I.e., people lie. Taking PreP pretty much covers that because you know whether or not you are taking meds... that's difficult to confirm with a hook up.

Ha, interesting question. There's a few complicated ways to answer this question, but the simple answer is "no." U=U is based on several long term studies and no doubt there were guys in the studies who were cumbuckets. I.e., the study evidence is not based on people just taking one load at a time. Ditto the PreP advice. Still a good idea to take Prep, people lie.

Prolly wouldn't make it to court where it happened to me either today (Virginia), i was arrested in '98, and even then things were changing, the cop who arrested me and later apologized seemed genuinely embarrassed (he should have been) and i was charged using a 100 year old law. That probably doesn't even exist anymore.

i'm the only one who voted "other." These days i have most of my success at 'adult shops' that have booths and glory holes. If i go at quitting time or lunch break, i can usually get 4 or 5 cocks in rapid sucksession. Guys outside the booth can hear the rhythm of fucking and pounding against the dividing wall as fucking through a GH happens. i usually start of sucking, but almost always present my hole for seeding once the other guy is arroused. Some won't, but more often than not, they'll slide right into my ready hole and finish by breeding me. ABS are hit and miss though, like any place else. CL used to be a decent source for me for anonymous walk in breeding, but of course there are flakes there. Internet apps are a breeding ground for flakes instead of just being a breeding ground.

i was living in Virginia in '98, (cute) under cover vice cops would go to cruising areas and entrap gays. i chatted one up and asked him to fuck me and he arrested me on the spot. i was taken to the police station, hand cuffed in the back of a police car, finger printed, mug shot. Was charged with a felony using a 100 year old law. i was married and on the DL at the time, scared the hell out of me. i hired a very expensive lawyer who specialized in that sort of thing. It took a year for it to come to trial. The attorney general at the time was extremely homophobic and instructed all prosecutors to go for blood in such cases. The judge just rolled his eyes and asked my lawyer, "what do you wanna do?" my lawyer replied: "I don't know judge, what do you think." The judge said, "how about reduced to indecent exposure" (a misdemeanor), and my lawyer agreed. i paid a $500 fine and it's on my permanent record. There was no "indecent exposure," i was busted for asking a cop to fuck me, it was just a way to reduce the sentence. i am a nurse and have to explain this every time i get a job because it comes up on background. i could get it expunged because, essentially, i was arrested for being gay... but i'd still have to report it as a healthcare worker, expunged or not. At the trial, the arresting officer actually found me ahead of the trial and apologized to me for arresting me. i've never had a problem getting a state license to practice or get a job once i explain, but it is pretty embarrassing to have to explain.