tallslenderguy

Typos don't bother me all that much, if at all, when i am reading what someone else has written. But autocorrect makes me absolutely crazy sometimes... to the point that i am cursing at my phone or computer when it keeps happening. i typically catch it while it's happening, and that's the part that bothers me, having to correct autocorrect.

i've had several experiences, including my first, where a Top pissed in me after breeding me (without asking permission), each time they pulled out without spilling a drop. i may have an unsusal ability to hold onto fluid?, but i've been stealth pissed a couple of times at an ABS and didn't realize it till i got home. i think my 'second sphincter' must be exceptionally tight, i have to be careful after douching to make sure i get all the water out. So, if a Top pisses beyond that point, it's pretty well contained with me.

oh yeah, i moan. i don't make noises on purpose, i feel awkward trying to "talk dirty" (though i honestly love it when my top does). But i've had all sorts of involuntary sounds come out of me, pretty much every top gets moans from me. Sometimes, when a top has fucked me in a way where i get sort of overwhelmed, i've been known to growl and flail my head lol. Often there are teeth marks on my mattress from where i have bitten it, not out of pain, but out of intensity. Then there has been the few times where my Top made love to me (can't think of another way to put it) and i have pretty much had to bite my tongue to keep from saying: "i love you" to a perfect stranger lest they think i'm out of my mind.

As i see it, you nailed (so to speak) the reason in your first sentence when you identified your "... need to breed." To me, the underlying drive to be bred or to breed is a "need" that expresses itself in desire. i think most of us here on breeding zone get that at least instinctively, if not cognitively. To me, the dynamic between Top/bottom speaks to the physical reality of opposites attracting (an electron and proton cannot help their attraction to each other). Even though we're seemingly on a continuum when it comes to our sexuality, some are more Top and some are more bottom. The greater the distinction, the stronger the bond when they connect. i think many of our social constructs deny nature and fail because of that.

You definitely sound like you have bottom wiring. i am convinced "bottoms" wiring goes beyond the physical, that it's emotional too, and i think for some the emotional part is the bigger part... i know it is for me. Maybe part of your "curiosity" of bi discovery will be to find out if you can get the same response with a girl who may want to peg or fist you. i dated a trans person for awhile (FtM) who fucked by using his hand since he was not born with a cock. For me, there was something missing and i never had sex with him. It had nothing to do with his not having a cock. i've been penetrated by guys who used toys or their fingers/hand, and their inner energy was so connected to it that for me it was not really different from their using their cock. i've also been with guys who were not 'connected' to what they were doing, even when using their cock, and i could feel something missing.

Yes. i've written about this in other threads, but i had a FB (actually, when i lived in Louisville ? ) who made it His goal to change my hole. His thing was changing it from 'just an asshole to a pussy." It was not a feminizing thing, it was all part of His mind fuck and i adore Him to this day. my hole is definitely changed. The opening is more a slit instead of a pucker now, and it is easier for a Top and cock to access. It's definitely more suited to receiving than retaining. my inner hole varies. Sometimes the tissue swells and i can feel every bit of any cock that enters me, other times, it's just an opened hole. i personally don't ever miss the feeling between a large and smaller cock, my head is so into the whole idea of a Top wanting and needing to breed that size just doesn't enter into the equation that much for me. Of course, i can feel the difference, but my thrill and fulfillment comes from my Tops energy and drive to breed. The most satisfying part of sex for me is when i hear the orgasm response of my Top to fucking me. i know from what you have written that you have plenty of control over your inner hole muscles, that you are able to squeeze and milk a cock and know about the exercises to keep it toned. Still, i wouldn't doubt that your hole has been modified and marked by the Tops who have loved it.

i love to read/hear of stuff like this. i've known more than a few guys in open marriages, where their partner/wife knows who they are and still loves and accepts them as they are. It's wonderful to see people break out of tradition when it doesn't fit reality.

lol, yeah, it is an awesome connection, eh? my older gay brother used to joke: "if god had intended men to get fucked, he would have given them an ass hole."

i think you've gone a wee bit byond the "curious" stage. ?

i married as a kid and was married for 31 years. i was very religious and my belief system considered being gay a "sin." my former wife knew of my attraction to guys before we married, but it wasn't taken very seriously, the notion was it's a choice. i was a virgin when i married and resisted being with a guy for the first 6 years of our marriage, and then i tumbled. Ironically, sucked a guy off when i was doing volunteer work on a missionary hospital ship. i didn't tell her what had happened, but i separated from her after that, feeling guilty and that i was gay and not going to change. That separation lasted about 6 months. i did love her, felt guilty about abandoning her and my little kids. The gay culture didn't appeal to me (i'd only experienced a tiny side of it). i still had a part me that thought being gay is a choice, so we got back together. i thought i was "over it." Of course, i wasn't. i cheated like a mad man. Sex for me became my only form of affirmation. i'd hook, then feel ashamed and guilty about it. i'd often cry on my way to hooking up or after. For me, it was torture. It took me what i consider a ridiculously long time to process through my beliefs and realize that reality and my beliefs didn't aline. In 2006, i came to a place where i had processed through all the stuff that kept me from self acceptance. i told my former wife: " this is who i am, we can stay married, but if we do you have to understand you are married to a gay person." She was still religious and of the belief that i could choose not to be gay, so after some marriage counseling, we parted. Marriage, for me, was a tortured, painful existence. Not because of being with a woman, i loved and still love my former wife. But because of our beliefs, it didn't work. i hated myself for all the lies and cheating, that was the "torture" for me. i hated how i hurt my former wife, she was devastated when she found out about my lying and cheating. Today, i am the happiest, most peaceful person i know. Honesty cost me pretty much everything, but it was and is worth it to me.

^^ this^^ to me, there is no better way to cum than from getting penetrated by a Top, controlling both His pleasure and mine. fuck yes

i'm poz, i got that way after taking probably a few thousand men inside of me bare. Cognitively, i knew the risks, emotionally i wanted/needed the connection with the guy i was with more, so i took the risk and have no regrets. When i started the topic, i was thinking of guys who consciously and purposely try to get or give HIV. i purposely posed it as a question vs a statement, then stated some of my own thoughts and feelings. As i have read through responses, i can see how this can be much more complex. i too think there is a "deficit of knowledge," but that even with that knowledge it doesn't necessarily change ones emotional disposition. i watched and cared for my once gorgeous brother, die from AID's weighing about 85 pounds, covered in Kaposis and having an anal tube because he had uncontrollable diarrhea. This was in the 80's before we could suppress the disease, yet i still went out and got bred by guys as often as i could get them. i was not trying to get the disease, i didn't want it, i lived in fear of getting it, but my drive/need/desire to connect with a guy was greater. my intellectual and experiential knowledge of HIV didn't change my emotional disposition. But, my emotional disposition didn't change my intellectual understanding of the disease either. I.e., i didn't change my understanding to try and fit my emotional desire and need. i have a strong desire/fantasy to have a Top's hand in me, as well as other parts and stuff that comes out of a Top. For me it has ever been about what's inside of the Top , i.e., how He feels and how He expresses His needs and desires to connect, more than just cock and cum. To me, those are just two of the ways a Top and bottom can bond. i LOVE Tops who have different ways of making that connection. i think you're a thoughtful, beautiful person, i'm glad you're a part of this community.

"...a chicken?" lol. sigh. It may be that we just know (and experience in my case as a healthcare provider) too much about disease process to be emotionally captivated by chasing/pozzing. For me, it's understanding the destructive force of the disease that keeps it from crossing into my emotions as a desirable "mark"or "connection" that a Top can leave. The first time that a Top pissed up my ass, He purposely plugged it and encouraged and ensured that i'd hold it long enough to absorb some of it. He knew it would combine with my urine as a result. It did, i could smell His scent in my urine when i voided after, just as He told me i would. That ended up being a huge turn on for me, made a big impact emotionally because it was a way of Him becoming a part of me in a sense. i have a similar attitude about a Tops cum. i never expel it or want to lose it, i always want to hold it in me and absorb as much as possible. But intellectually, i get that i am not getting His dna as part of me. There are other ways as well of getting a part of a Top to become a part of a bottom, but disease to me is not a good idea.

Thoughtfully written find91, i think you make some good points about the desire for closeness and oneness being a part of the mix for some. i should have been more careful in my wording, because i honesty see very few things in black or white, this topic included. Life, in my experience, is rarely that simple. So thanks for your thoughtful perspective. i do still think there are some who have internalized hate, and again would qualify that i don't really think it's a conscious thing for most. On the other hand, emotionally, i get it... in a big way, because most of sex to me is beyond the physical. i'm one of those guys who loves the idea of having a permanent part of my Top inside or as part of me. Then my intellect kicks in and says: "hey, this is a disease...." So, i separate, but i have an emotional construct where i want to have a Top as a part of me, so it's not a simple thing. Emotionally, HIV doesn't figure into the equation for me, but i can see how it could/can... it's not simple.

Oh my god too, lmao. i'm pretty confident you're the only one who has taken what i've written the way you have. You are stating the obvious, and yes, to assert that HIV is a death sentence if one is taking meds would be incorrect. i'm not an idiot, that's not what i am talking about. i'm talking about the people who romantasize getting HIV, who purposely do not take meds, so that they can infect others. There is a sub culture that calls their selves "gifters" and "chasers" who purposely try to get infected and infect. And yeah, i think that trying to get or give a disease can be a form of self hate.

Apparently someone can be this clueless. i've taken care of people dying because of HIV. Obviously it is because, without taking meds, HIV leads to AID's . Here's some stats about HIV and AIDS. supporting what i am asserting about how damaging and destructive HIV is. Calling this "completely loony" strikes me as "armchair analyzing."

Do you have evidence to support this claim?

Even in 2019, HIV can be a death sentence if you are chasing. For many, if not most, chasing means not taking the meds that can prevent one from getting the disease, or prevent one (if one is a "gifter") from infecting another. The point of chasing, for many, is to eschew the 2019 meds that keep HIV infected people alive/healthy or from infecting others.

Oh wow Eros, great question, i can't believe it's not been discussed as a separate topic here. i shy away from the term, but have said things like i can "have a piggy streak." As with many terms in gay culture, it seems their meaning is often fluid, or at least, not everyone defines it the same way. i know a lot of guys who have used the label then talk about how they want guys to spit in their mouth, or they are into "ripe pits" or other "strong man smells." i'm not, so i think a lot of guys would think i don't qualify as a "pig." On the other hand, when it comes to being bred, i look at it as anything the Top has made with His body that He wants to plant in my hole, and that can get pretty involved and some would say "piggy." i guess i am more internally piggy than externally?

Here you go. This is pretty exhaustive info for poz or not. ?

Jim's eyes, facial expressions haunted me too, he looked like he was a kid again when sharing, he looked vulnerable and delicate. I also was profoundly struck by how 'in love' with MJ that they were (and still seemed to be, even as adults who realized they were abused). i see it as a scar that MJ left. He didn't love them, he used them, but he convinced them that it was "love." That left an emotional mark on these people that is hard to remove, if it ever can be? There is a cognitive dissonance, because their feelings say one thing, reality says another. i think part of what made it all so convincing was that MJ was convinced himself that he loved these people, even though reason could have told him otherwise.

it was striking to me too how MJ "seduced" the whole family (i think you put that well). It also stood out to me that neither of the boys in the documentary are gay. i grew up in a culture that asserts that this is exactly the type of thing that makes boys into gays, so this was emotionally sort of validating for me to see in that particular way, even though i have known better intellectually for a long time. It also stood out to me how two faced MJ was with the parents. Around them he was totally charming, but behind their backs he would run them down to their kids. MJ didn't seem gay, but seemed to like boys (and maybe) women, but not men. His obsession with trying to always look young, he seemed emotionally/developmentally stuck in childhood. He was a very proficient manipulator, he got the boys and their families to love him, but i don't think he had love for them, he just used them to fulfill his needs/wants.

i watched the documentary "Leaving Neverland" on HBO a few days ago, thought i'd start a thread. Like most, i watched the news when Michael Jackson was still alive, knew of the accusations against him re having sex with young boys. He obviously had the money and managed to win in court. This documentary pretty much removed any doubts i had about it, i thought it was really well done. Besides the obvious, something that i found striking was how the two guys that were interviewed for the documentary are both straight. i grew up in a religious culture that tried to say gay attraction is a result of stuff like this. Though i long ago learned that being attracted to the same sex is pretty much intrinsic, it was still fascinating to watch. Both of the guys were clearly taken advantage of and abused by MJ and are still affected today. Have you seen it? What did you think and feel from watching it?

This hole is amazing, it looks like you can breath through it, taking deep breaths.

i was lying prone (i.e., on my stomach), so i had to go by feel a lot of the time. What i came to realize is it was His plan from the beginning to alter the look of my hole and that He was patient, this happened over time. He also seemed to get off on me not really being aware of what He was doing (i.e., changing my hole), so He was not obvious and i pieced together what He did retrospectively. For instance, He would say how much He loved to "rim," and He did do it a lot, but it was a slow and purposeful process really. Most of the Tops i've been with who are into rimming seem more focused on penetrating a hole with their tongue, being inside a hole with their mouth, lips and tongue. He was doing a combination of that and also a purposeful process of drawing my hole out and open. i keep using the word "slow" because that is how He kept what He was doing subtle and i think that is also how He made the results more permanent. But simply put, He opened and 'sucked' my hole out and into that shape with His mouth, fingers, dildos, cock, tongue with the intent of fashioning a slit with lips.