tallslenderguy

i really like Elbow Grease. i have never purchased J lube, but have had it used on me. i'm not certain about this, but i don't think silicon toys can be used with Elbow Grease? i'd be happy to find out if i am wrong about that, because i have two really nice veiny cock dildos that fit my fuck machine that i'd really like to use EG with... water base just doesn't do it for me. Should prolly try J Lube.

Agreed. To me, gay culture should be one of the most enlightened, we should really be experts on stereotyping and its hazards. i'm mystified by how much we have borrowed from patriarchal, straight white culture. my guess is its misguided attempts at acceptance. This is a great discussion.

i think you make some good points. i think it would be naive to think there is no bias in porn media. i know my perceptions of black men have changed dramatically over my life time, a lot of those changes resulted from relationships with black guys that exposed my false, and often deeply hidden, cultural notions. Someone in this thread or another mentioned that they find the descriptor/s"good looking, etc., " off putting. me too. i'm honestly intimidated by guys who i perceive as gorgeous, makes me feel inadequate. These days i am much more inclined to judge attractiveness from attitude than i am physical looks. i can't prove why, but i am initially attracted to black men because of my experiences with them, so it's totally subjective. Out of all the black guys i've been with (a lot, i lived half my life in areas where blacks were the majority population), i can remember only one who didn't make me feel wonderful to be with because of a deeper than physical connection. i have fallen in love with soooo many black hook ups, lol. fuck. The one black guy that just made me feel used was probably the hottest one of all, by normal social standards of beauty? It never stopped me from hookng with Him, but i never had to bite my tongue from declaring my adoration for Him like others. i have wondered if it's not so much what they have as what they don't have? I.e., the white privilege attitude? idk i think it would be interesting to take a pole and see the similarities and differences of how guys perceive beauty, attractiveness. Of the two black guys on that list, i'd put Mario Costa in the Top three. But honestly, i had to google to confirm that He is black. i'd put the other black guy, "Cutler" about the middle of the list, i liked His eyes and smile. i think it's telling that they put a rebel hat on Him?!? Someone i've long had the hots for is Barak Obama lol. i think He is totally hot, but for me so much hinges on personality. Looks just isn't my primary factor when it comes to attractive.

First off, thank you for speaking up. Secondly, i'm sorry you had to speak up. fuck. There is also the phenomena of internalizing something from a dominant culture in order to find a semblance of acceptance, and i think a lot of "race play' falls into that category?

Can’t think of anything to add, i agree

Oh yeah, didn't even think about fisting. i've been with several Tops who like to penetrate a bottom wth Their hand and took the most i've ever taken before the last time. The Top was a long time fister and very experienced, He got in further than anyone... all 5 fingers and hand, but didn't get around the corner or over the hump or whatever that barrier is? It took me about a day to recover from that, i was sore as fuck, but it was a happy sore.

Sort of an aside, been discussing in another thread opened and changed holes. i often think of the change in my hole caused by a Top or Tops as their “signature” on me, sort of them writing on my body “I was here”. Have really come to love the changes in my hole because for me it’s like they’ve written on me with a permanent marker

i'd be lying if i didn't admit that having my hole changed and more open is a turn on for me. Every time i have to go and experience that sense of urgency, it is also a reminder that Tops have penetrated me and changed my body. That's a huge turn on for me. i am not one to use toys on myself very often or with the intent of opening my own hole. i tried, but there was something psychologically off-putting for me to open my own hole. To me, it's part of the gay version of impregnation... for lack of a better analogy. i love the realty of a Top leaving His 'mark' on me, and an opened hole is just that, a mark from a Top/s.

Speaking as an already slutty bottom, when i encounter a guy wth a PA, my desire level about doubles. As a bottom, i'd never get one for myself, there is something about it that screams "TOP" to me. Both the feel and the idea of a PA are incredible to me and bring out a deeper sub response somewhere from inside me.

Damn, yes. This so describes my association with butt plugs. i have a drawer full of toys and plugs i almost never use. For me, a big part of wearing a butt plug is because a Top put it there. i have this inner desire and hunger to be filled by a Top (on so many levels), for me using toys is like trying to be my own Top, i always end up disappointed because i make a lousy top.

i have this weird attribute as a total bottom: i LOVE a mans ass. NOT His hole mind you, His Ass. There is something so incredibly sexy and powerful about a mans ass to me. i am constantly having my head turned watching a man walk by and staring at His ass. i have no desire to fuck it or rim it. i do love to touch it, hold it, nibble it, pet it, lick it (not the hole), lay my head on it, generally worship it. It has a very similar effect on me as a Tops cock. It doesn't matter if it's a Top or bottoms ass, either will make my legs spread and want to be HIs. My favorite Top is the kind who doesn't want anyone near His hole because He is so wired to using hole, it doesn't occur to Him that He has one. He's a penetrator.

yeah, that idea is soooo hot to me, scares the fuck out of me, but appeals to something deep and dark in me. i'm not transgender, do not identify with being a woman at all. The nullo vid's i have seen on xtube don't seem to go very deep at all? They are hot slits that ooz cum, but they don't look fuckable? i'd be disappointed if i had another hole but a Top couldn't penetrate it and breed it if He wanted.

i've been getting pop up ads for online gay sex games. Has anyone used them? Can you get really kinky? Choose position you like? It'd be really awful if they kept making me a top lol. Any suggestions or are they a waste of time?

p.s. forgot to mention, i have a pair of padded underwear that give me a bit of a bubble. For me, it's kind of like a woman wearing a mini or makeup, wanting to draw attention to my ass.

i've tried taking several times... i have a pic i tried to upload of a hand in me, but the file was to big to upload. By His reckoning, i still haven't quite taken a whole hand because it didn't get completely past that opening barrer, though t sure looks like it's in there by the pics. So far, for me the idea is hotter than the experience, and the idea keeps me trying. For me, a huge part of being a bottom is receiving a Tops desire to penetrate, so the whole idea turns me on, just haven't gotten there. i have a fantasy of waking up with a Top's hand and forearm in me. There's a sense of ownership and connection i get from that thought that makes me kinda wild.

There was a great discussion/thread recently that talked about (among other things) how most "bottoms" have the equipment and physical ability to fuck. For me it's certainly true. i wake up with erections, it feels physically good to touch my penis and cum. It also feels physically good to be penetrated by a guy and bred, but additionally, there is something emotional and mental that is nurtured and sighs with satisfaction in me when a guy wants me. Penetrating and breeding can be so much more than physical, and it's those areas where i am "total bottom." i may feel physically good cumming using my penis, but emotionally i experience disappointment, like i have compromised my self. i don't believe there is a right or wrong way to be, Top, vers, bottom, are all part of the mix, but i seem psychologically wired 'total bottom' and feel my strongest attraction to "total Tops.' i see that as natural, i.e., "opposite forces attract and bond."

Right? psychologically, i feel and think of myself as an inlet, not an outlet.

i used to wear briefs or boxers, depending on my mood. Then, a few years ago, i had a brief stint with a Dom who insisted that a bottom should never wear boxers, so i got rid of them. He also had me get a variety of jocks, thongs and even had me go to Victora Secret and buy a lace thong for myself. Even though we are no longer in a D/s relationship, i've never gone back to wearing boxers. Briefs for the most part. i associate wearing the jocks, thongs and lace with a Top who wants me to wear them, so they pretty much sit in my drawer unless a Top wants me to wear one of them.

i was afraid too. Afraid of losing control, i don't want to be incontinent. i still have plenty of internal control, my guess is that will never go away because internally we are constructed to hold, a container. My opening has lost some tightness and when i have to go, i do feel more of a sense of urgency. On the other hand, it's a lot easier for me to get fucked because it's just more receptive. i like being more of an opening instead of a closure lol.

This made me think, in a sense, my hole never 'recovers.' i reached a place where it permanently changed and became more of a slit than a pucker. i can trace that back to a FB whose goal it was to change it . i do an exercise where i clench my hole, like i am clenching a cock with it, but it's empty ;-( That seems to exercise and strengthen internal rectal muscles, give some control for milking cock. i don't have one for the anus and that's the most obvious part that seems permanently changed and will never 'recuperate.'

Maybe the guys name is "Art" and it's offering a "piece" of him?

Those wacky Swedes, this is way to practical to be art. Great toy for Tops.

i was around for the first 'deadly outbreak,' it actually occurred when i first started having sex with men. i watched my brother die from AID's, it was horribly sad and soul crushing to watch. He had already suffered enough as a gay man growing up in an era/culture of ignorance and rejection. In spite of that, i pretty much never practiced 'safe sex' because, for me, it wasn't sex if it was contained or restricted. i tried. Hell, i was religious and married, i tried to not be gay. Didn't work, the need/drive to connect was way bigger than the threat of a gruesome and untimely death from a disease. i don't figure any of that has changed, and i'd just be at risk again.

Thanks for sharing your experience, and yeah, my intent by using the word "Dom" in the title was to clarify i wasn't speaking of every Top, but appreciate the emphasis that your post adds. From what i have read of your posts, you have significantly more experience with D/s than i. In my life, i have only had three significant connects with Doms. Two of those were not discussed as "D/s" relationships each of us, one lasted a year and a half, the other one week end. The third was absolutely qualified as D/s, was all online and lasted a month. Those are my relational experiences... i've talked to a lot of people identifying as Dom or sub, but that's the extent of my D/s experience. Those three relationships were hugely significant for me, each marked me permanently, but that's all personal perspective. The story i related in my first post was with the longest term FB (a year and a half, weekly get togethers). He was my first relationship with a Dom and, while we never spoke of D/s relationship, i came to realize that is what it was. At that point, i was new to the D/s framework and didn't have experience or vocabulary to articulate it, that came retrospectively. So, i was a naive bottom experiencing a Dom (and retrospectively, a really skilled, mature Dom) for the first time. He was the first to draw on my sub nature, exercise and develop it leaving His signature on me. Being new and ignorant, a lot of what He did was both alluring and confusing to me, so i wrote that into the experience i was relating. In a way, my question is tongue in cheek, and may seem rhetorical to some (many?). But it really isn't meant to be, i really am hoping it spurs discussion and sharing or all perspectives. i mention in another thread that i subscribe to the spectrum idea of sexuality. In this case, i'd put Dom at one extreme end of the spectrum and sub at the other. i see Top and bottom fitting between those, versatile some where in the middle. i don't see the spectrum as one dimensional, but multidimensional, which is to say: "infinitely complex." Consequently, i do not see D/s in black and white terms. i'm looking forward to reading perspectives on D/s and my question was intended to spark input about bottom/sub position/s in D/s relationship.

ErosWired started a great thread "Do Tops have a right to a bottoms' ass" and it made me think of this. The short and simple answer is: "of course." But it can be confusing as hell to a bottom (which may be the point for some). i was thinking of a Dom FB i had awhile back who never made me cum, but He worked me to a place where He called my hole a "pussy" and my penis a "clit." He went through a fairly complex process to get me to a place with Him where i went from finding it kind of distasteful and insulting to loving it and Him when He called it that. Dom magic lol. Something He did a few times during the process was to take lube (He liked Elbow grease, and that ended up becoming my favorite) and apply it to my penis. This is a FB i never saw, He always wanted me waiting blindfolded, and that really enhanced things. The few times He did it, He simply touched my penis softly with a hand full of lube without any warning. After He touched it, He said: "I'm going to butter your clit, but don't cum." He didn't squeeze or touch me hard, just really sort of a tease, more like He just wanted to apply a thick coat of Elbow Grease on me. That was pretty much it. He would kind of tease me saying: "I just want to remind you that you have a clit and that it's just a pretty part of your pussy. I don't want you to cum because of it, even though I know a pussy can get pleasure that way, I only want you to get pleasure from penetration." And that was it. i could feel the cold wetness of the Elbow Grease, He probably refrigerated it, and at first i'd get hard as a rock with anticipation and desire... but He never did anything but coat it and verbally tease me. The last few times He did it, I didn't get hard at all, and He told me He was proud of me... which embarrassed me and made me actually blush. So, what do you think Do you think a Dom has a right to fuck with a bottoms head using his penis?