tallslenderguy

Hey Locomotion, I'm curious why, after a lifetime of being careful you would now choose to expose yourself? After exchanging emails with a nice guy on this site I had actually resolved to go on prep this test, a little ironic. It makes more sense to me to be on prep than HIV meds. Unless you've done a 180 and want to be poz?

used to work in an office building, corner office that was solid glass windows on two sides looking out over the parking lot. There was one guy who fucked me once in the downstairs rest room, and after that it kind of became a habit. He'd drive by my office and park where I could see him from my office, then go in the downstairs restroom and wait. I'd go downstairs and go in the stall next to him and he'd spit on his cock, slide it under and I'd sit on it. He'd breed me on a regular basis that way. Had another guy from a hook up site who bred me in my office several times. He was a really hot black guy with a large cock, he'd sit on one of my chairs and i'd straddle him facing him and he'd breed me in the dark.

like what? ;-)

I just learned I'm poz about 10 days ago, so am still navigating the waters. I've been reading through the posts on this thread (i.e., "What it's like to be poz") and it's really good to not be alone, even though there are so many mixed reactions to being poz. I've wondered about the attitude, that seems almost universal, that once your poz you at least lose any inhibition about taking any load. Honestly, my desire to get bred always overshadowed any inhibition I might have had. The only time I felt inhibition was when I got tested. I dreaded getting tested and finding out I was poz. I have since discovered that my dread of finding out I was poz was greater than actually finding out I'm poz. Weird. Anyway, my question: Is there a risk of catching a different mutation of HIV once you are poz and on meds? Or do the meds act as a preventative for getting a new mutation as well as keeping the infection under control? Does my question make sense?

Thank you guys for taking the time to read and reply, for your kind and encouraging words. I know it's a good idea to seek out face time with others who are poz and have gone before me, there's a lot to be said about experience. I went to my PCP today and she gave me a list of support groups, I'll be looking into that. I have 2 referrals to HIV specialists, one local , the other about 40 miles away. Now I'm in the waiting mode to get an appointment and get meds started.

I found out I'm poz a week ago and it's still kinda new to me. I'm not in a cold panic, which is sort of weird to me, am wondering if I will have a delayed response... but it's been about 10 days now. I found out my CD4 yesterday (340), but the lab didn't run a VL. I found out after dragging myself in for routine testing... well, more honestly, I have been talking to a guy from OKC who I like and who seems to like me and for the first time in a long time have been hopeful about a relationship, so I really got tested because of him. I told him and he hasn't rejected me over it. He's the only person who knows other than my Primary Care Provider (PCP). I'm fairly new to this area, so my PCP is someone I found on the internet and just met. She's a physicians assistant and has been totally cool about this and will be referring me to a specialist. I'm pretty used to being alone, coping alone. I come from a religious background and was married (to a woman) most of my life, when I accepted myself as gay, I lost my family and friends because they were all a part of the religious culture, but the truth is I was alone when I had them. So having friends who know and accept me for who I am is new to me. I came out to lots of people about 10 years ago with mixed results, lots of rejection. I moved, started a new life and found acceptance. Lost my very lucrative livelihood during the economic downturn of 08, went to school and remade myself (got a BSN), but part of that process has involved moving a few times, so I have to keep starting over with making friends. I'm in a new place, but can finally settle down, just bought a house, so at least I can make some more permanent friends. HIV isn't something I will disclose to just anyone. I can't. I've just been to conditioned by rejection to just be wide open about it. No one at work even knows I am gay. Not because I'm closeted, but it just doesn't come up. Not sure what to do now. I'm a critical care nurse in a hospital. I'm looking at getting a specialist 40 miles away in another city because I don't want everyone at work to know I'm poz, I just do not want to face the rejection... even though I know most would likely be cool, there's always that element. Sorry for the ramble guys, but this place has been a refuge for me the last several years and a safe place for me to disclose myself. Your the second people to know. It's been comforting to read through some of the posts here. Reassuring. Even though I'm an educated health care professional and I know HIV is not the death sentence it once was, there's still the emotional and social side of it that I'm gonna have to deal with. Thanks for listening.

LMAO

As a bottom, I've never had this happen to me, but there's been times when I get home and realize how close it was to happening. I clean deep, but the colon has twists and turns and it's possible for water to go in to a part of it and not come out immediately. That's probably why you hear a lot of experienced bottoms talking about how much time it takes to clean out. There is 24 to 27 feet of intestine, about 4 feet of colon (which is the part we are talking about "cleaning"). I doubt most bottoms approach douching all 4 feet of the colon, especially on a regular basis. Douching the whole colon would throw off electrolytes and upset intestinal flora. All 25 feet or so intestine is always in motion, so eventually stuff is gonna move down. A bottom may start clean, but nature will eventually take it's course, so if the bottom cleaned out 8 hours ago the odds have changed. I use a long shower douche nozzle to get past some valves. I "rest" after the water is running clean and I insert a colon snake to try and free any trapped water. Then I douche some more to make sure everything is clear. This takes time and I find lots of tops who don't have a clue what it takes to make things nice for them (like when they email or text and want it "now" lol). Also, when I know I'm feeling in heat and am gonna want to be on the prowl for hours, I usually don't eat anything that day.

...sink ships?

Nay80, that is a fucking sweet hole... made my cock squirm (and I almost exclusively bottom). can imagine sliding all the way in to that, balls and all swallowed.

This is an interesting topic to me. I was married most of my life (to a woman). I was really frustrated because, for whatever reason, I'm a bottom who wants to get fucked and bred. Of course, she couldn't do that, even if she had been inclined. I know there are dom women who will use a strap on, that doesn't do a thing for me (no cum for one thing). I love to get fucked, so your love of breeding would work great with me. I'm less oral, buy do it as a prelude to fucking. Feet? Well, maybe if you try and slide it up my ass (kidding, I've never even had a hand, but the idea appeals to my bottom nature). To me it isn't selfish for you to like to breed and me like to get bred. To me, where the selfishness comes in is being inconsiderate. That can happen on either side. Like others have alluded to, how you fuck is the question, not that you prefer fucking.

not sure how I feel about fisting, maybe ambivalent still, I'm such a slut I love getting penetrated by a guy who wants into my hole. I tend to spread my legs to any guy who wants in, I love his desire.

lately I've been hooking up at a local ABS. I've moved 3 times in the last 5 years, KY>VA>OR. I've used the usual online hook up sites/methods, and have found ABS/theaters in each of the areas. Kinda like ABS/theaters for the instant possibilities they offer vs the frequent flakes you encounter on online sites, plus all the arranging and qualifying that goes along with those who are legitimately looking. I've been pretty lucky at the ABS I go to in OR, seems to almost always be 3-5 guys who wanna breed, usually through a GH. Something else I have noticed is there seem to be more guys into fisting than I have ever encountered before. I wonder if that is just a local thing or if fisting is becoming more mainstream? It seems about every other time I go to this ABS, someone (never seems to be the same person) tries to get their hand in my hole... through a GH. I've never taken a whole hand before, but it is in my bottom slut personality to enjoy any kind of attention my hole gets (as long as it's not painful). There's something about a top wanting to dominate and make his mark on my hole that is a total turn on for me. Any other bottoms out there finding more guys wanna get their hands in you?

"Cum lube" from fort troff. There stuff is way over priced, butt love this lube, tastes, smells, looks like cum

Wow, amazing you have not gotten any at those kinds of places or events. How often do you try? For me I can go to the same place on different days and one day get 5 loads and another day nothing. Depends on who's there, etc. as for signals, there's a bunch. If I want a guy to fuck me and I'm at a cruisy place, I'll position myself somewhere in front of him and lower my pants enough where he can see some ass, that usually does the trick, instinct seems to take over and they cum up behind me, expose my hole and slide in...I'm pretty bold about asserting my ass, if I guy shows no interest, I move on.

I like a cock ring on a top, I think they are hot, especially the ones that stretch or separate the balls (it is so fucking hot to have a guys balls slapping my taint while he fucks). As for wearing one myself? I've never noticed that they make me harder or cum harder. To me they become uncomfortable to wear after awhile. I like that they keep my balls in place, my sack gets really tight when Im turned on and my balls tend to float up, so it's good for keeping them in place. As to it being the hottest piece of jewelry a guy can wear, my vote goes for a PA. A PA makes my legs spread involuntarily.

Fun question. I was married most of my life, so had lots of practice as a top. With men, I have always been mostly bottom, pretty much exclusively the last 10-15 years (I can count on one hand the number of times I've fucked a guy in this time). Lately, I've considered topping more and with the thought process have made some observations about myself. Since I have been I've been divorced since 08 and my wife is the only woman I have ever been with.. I really have no interest in women sexually. With guys, I am really turned on by a hot ass on a guy. I think a guys ass can be his sexiest feature, which is pretty funny coming from a bottom, you'd think a cock would be my biggest turn on? There are times when I would fuck, but am flaccid. I don't have any physiological issues getting hard, but what makes me hard has changed. I get hard when a guy approaches me to fuck me, wants to breed my ass, etc.. I.e., the things that turn me on all seem bottom related. Even if I want to fuck a sweet ass, the way I get hard is fantasizing as a bottom. So, for me, the reason I don't fuck more often is because my mental and emotional disposition are bottom and my cock stays flaccid at the thought of fucking... even though I may enjoy it. Also, like others, I don't generally even consider fucking until after my ass is full of cum and I am somewhat sated.

Here's my nerdy contribution : Anatomically, everyone's a little different rectally (I looked all this stuff up in my anatomy/physiology test books since there's been some discussion, I thought some might be interested). There was some discussion about 'popping the second sphincter' on another thread, but that's kind of a misnomer as the inner and outer anal "sphincter" are within about 2 cm of each other right at the anal opening. Probably what most of us are encountering/talking about are the Houston valves; one way pseudo valves in the rectum. There are several variations on these valves, i.e., we are not all alike. According to my anatomy book "The average person has two or three valves, while approximately 20% of people have four to seven valves and 2% of people have none." My guess is this probably accounts for, in part, why some guys experience of getting fucked is different from others. The common consensus is that the function of these "valves" is to help keep fecal matter contained before defecation. There's even discussion amongst proctologists on how to navigate past them when doing tests like colonoscopies. I think the key is these are "one way valves," and of course, we are talking about going the opposite way when getting penetrated. In my experience, we're pretty malleable physiologically which could explain why someone with more experience has better 'tolerance' (for lack of a better word!) to being fucked: conditioning. Lots of us experienced bottoms have figured out (and we often discuss) how to condition our "holes," and have done so. We're talking muscle and tissue that can be manipulated and, somewhat, altered.

When I was younger and still married and in denial about being gay, I got an std from a guy (urinary). I was part of an HMO and the doctor I got was not my usual, but a member of the practice. He was young and hot and knew, of course, that I was lying about having no idea how I got it. The way he obtained the "sample" to test me was to have me bend over his exam table and essentially by finger fucking my prostate and milking precum from it. I was pretty naive at the time, but something about it felt like more than just a standard procedure. The guy really took his time and I had to pretend not to enjoy it.

Ditto, I see it in porn and am totally disappointed, and if a top does that to me, I get pissed. To me it's like interrupting an orgasm at the best part, I just don't get it. I agree with the others who also realize it's just kinda ignorant, I suppose one could argue you are lessening your chances of catching HIV (It's not as easy to catch as some believe), but that is not true about other STD's.

I was your age (26) the first time I was with a guy. He knew I was knew, but I was also really horny and wanting to get fucked, so I straddled him and went for it. He laughed and said "whoa, let me get some lube" (a good idea lol). While I had never been fucked before, I'd been playing in my hole since I was a kid, so having something in my ass was not new for me. Having something as large as a cock was new though. If you kinda want the feel ahead of time (I say "kinda" because nothing is like the real thing), find a dildo about the size of a cock your going to take. Might want to start with a smaller guy your first time out. I loved my first time, but it gets better once you know what you're doing.

Great question tiger. My sex life is almost completely anonymous, I really never see the guy fucking me, but I've had lots of hookups turn into what I'd call a "fb." For me a Fb is someone who keeps coming back, and I definitely develope affection for each one. I had one recently who I really miss because I moved, but he was an awesome fuck to the point where I'd have to bite my toungue to keep from saying "I love you" lol. One of the cool things about our lives is we get to define them. I like not being stuck with someone else's definition of relationship. I've had some great fbs and am greatful for each one. These are obviously mutually satisfying relationships, why wouldn't they be considered valuable?

I'd say it depends on the kids and the kind of relationship you have with them. Chances are, the guys on this site who have kids had them in another life (i.e., before they were out as gay). I, like others here, was born in an era when being gay was considered a sickness. Add to that, I grew up in a fundamentalist religious culture that taught me I was broken (at best). As a consequence, it didn't even seem an option to live as a gay person, I believed being gay was something to be cured of, or at least something I had to overcome or resist. As part of that, like many gay guys my age, I got married and tried to live as a straight person. I was so religious as a kid I even got up and in a church gathering and "confessed" my attraction to guys, everyone circled around me and prayed for me and nothing was ever said about it after. My wife to be was even present. Nobody, including myself, really understood what it meant to be gay, we thought it was something you could choose against. My gayness was something to protect the kids from. After years of processing, I finally got past my upbringing and beliefs (I was a slow learner!). I came out to my kids in 2006. Both were adults, and both were shocked. At the same time, I left fundamentalism. Not sure which was more shocking to my kids. Both of my sons are smart guys, one's an electrical/nuclear engineer, the other has 2 masters degrees. Each was headed the direction of losing their religion, but it's almost as if my coming out pushed them back in and deeper than ever. Because of their religious beliefs, one of my sons hasn't spoken to me in years, the other reminds me in birthday cards that he and his family are praying for me to 'repent." I haven't figured out which which response I like less. To me, there was no way around it (coming out to them). It was a part of living honestly after a lifetime of almost literally living in a "closet." It ended up costing me my family... but did "I" ever really have a family if they didn't know who I was? I think if ones kids are accepting of them, then the kid will kind of guide how much you tell them. They may ask, though even in the 21st century, sex is still an awkward topic for some. I think the important stuff to be open about is how being gay affects you as a person, things that might never occur to a straight person, like how you may have hidden while growing up-just to survive. These are things that molded us and can offer a lot of insight into the why and how we are/were. It's a part of being known in relationship... if your kids are interested in knowing you.

Lmao

Wow, this has turned into a fascinating exchange. I love this community. I land somewhere in the middle on this. For me, sometimes it's hot when a top refers to my ass as a "cunt" or "pussy" and sometimes it's not. It all depends on the person and situation... which indicates to me that it's not so much the words being used, but the person using them and how he uses them. For me it's about another person taking charge of my pleasure. I think socially these are roles that have been generally assigned as male/female, masculine/feminine, so there is some part of our psyche that associates the role with gender (even though the notion may not reflect reality. i.e., it's possible to be male and sub, female and dom). I've had some tops who, while fucking me, referred to my hole as a "pussy" and I had to keep myself from laughing. Their voice and even demeanor struck me as funny because it was opposite of what they were trying to convey with words and it became ironic. But that was my personal perception. Physically the guys were indeed in the "dominant" position, but their attitude came across to me as trying to be something they were not. But what is it that makes my idea of right correct and theirs wrong? Do our ideas of right and wrong keep us from seeing reality? I was married (to a woman) most of my life (over 30 years). It was a lot of work (and pain) for me to get free of religious and other cultural stuff that kept me from accepting who I am, but the processing left me comfortable in my own skin and usually comfortable with other peoples 'skin' as well. I honestly don't think there is a 'right' or 'wrong' side on this (really. I'm not trying to be PC). To me the wrong side is disrespecting another because they are not like me. That's the kind of ego/ethnocentricity that got gays thrown in prison not to long ago (and still does in some parts of the world), so why would we adopt that practice? Not that I am suggesting that there is no such thing as attraction and preference, but I think the reasons for that are part of our individual construct, there's not a superior or inferior, just different. To me, bad is when there is not mutual consent, or we violate a persons volition (yeah, I know there are even guys who want that... but the key is "they want that" and as such are still exercising their volition to be violated lol). Sex is both an emotional and physical need/want and the two seem very intertwined. It seems human nature to want to standardize behavior and need/want as "normal" or "abnormal," when in reality both behavior and need/want seem very individual to me. Though there can be lots of overlapping similarities between our wants/needs, and thus similarities in our behaviors, we're still all different. WTF, lol. Simply put. I think the most successful interactions involve some form of communication. I may really love calling an anus a "pussy" or "cunt," but I don't want to call yours that if you don't want me to, or especially if it offends you. So, after communicating, I may look elsewhere or simply not use those words with you. And vice versa. If I'm a bottom whose buttons get pushed by such words, I may look for that in a top. Yeah, I know, communication can take some of the magic and spontaneity out of sex, but that's why god invented profiles.