tallslenderguy

I appreciate the question and topic. I think anything that gets us to look and listen is good, there's so much we presume. I've wondered about it in me. The majority of experiences I've had with black guys have been really good, so it could be easy for me to make generalizations about blacks and relate it to race. For me it's been a question of skill. My experiences with most black guys have been with really skilled and atentave fuckers. But that hasn't been universally true, so it would be false to assume all black guys are incredible fuckers lol. I'm curious about the name: ridemyblkdick...imagine this one: ridemywhtdick. Is racism implied?

I've pondered this question, more on a personal level (i.e., wondering why I am so drawn to being a bottom). From a numbers standpoint, it would make more sense to be a top because it seems there's a lot more ass available than cock. But it seems our sex drive has little to do with reason. I spent most of my life married (to a woman), so I topped a lot. When I first started having sex with guys, I was pretty versatile in my thought process, but I seemed to evolve into a bottom. When I was younger, it seemed most of the guys who wanted me were tops. Before I had much experience, sex with guys just kind of happened, without the preliminary discussion about preference that seems standard these days. I'd start to have sex with a guy and he'd seem to migrate to the top position. I remember one of my earlier experiences, not really knowing what the guy was going to do, he just kind of took control. I thought he was just going to blow me. We were in bed and he was going down on me, but then worked his way to my ass and started eating it out and making it very wet. Before I knew it, he was pushing my legs back and sliding in and I realized that fucking me had been his intent all along, the rest was just prep. That stuck with me, the process of being taken was really a big part of sex for me, it was something I consciously missed being married to a woman. Most of my sex I've had later in life has not had much intimacy connected to it, i.e., it's only sex. Really, my call on that. I've just sort of developed method when I'm horny and pretty much fall into a routine that focuses on getting a cock and semen in my ass with little to no consideration of anything else. It's like sex has become a refined process. In that process, it seems easier to be a bottom because I am not concerned with how the guy looks, only about cock and cum, so that opens the field. I think the guys I end up attracting this way are a greater variety (i.e., tops, versatile and versatile bottoms) because I'm just an easy ass to fuck vs. an intimate entangle. I do miss the kind of sex I mentioned earlier, where I am face up and there's some auxiliary passion involved, but I'm a whole lot more picky about who I have sex with that way. I've been fucked by prolly thousands of guys, but I can count on one hand the number of guys I've kissed. I find myself wondering that if I found romance, I'd migrate and become more versatile?

I'm pretty much a total bottom, but I've been attracted to more than one FTM trans person... and usually find out they are transgender after the attraction. I find it kind of curious.

Well, yeah, it does "sound bad" to me that you think it's funny to purposefully violate another persons trust. It sounds like an invitation for rejection.

It's a valid question, given the physiology of male with male sex. Going with your "male vagina" comparison, I think it's kind of a funny thing the gods did making all of our sex organs with the double purpose of waste disposal. With a woman, her vagina is a waste disposal canal once a month when her uterus sloughs and she gets her period. So, I guess the comparison you use might involve fucking during her period and her never douching. I stop at being a 'pig' when it comes to hygiene. I know some guys really like things like felching, smelly pits and crotch, etc.. I don't. If I eat a guys hole, I want it clean. I want mine that way too, especially if the guy wants to keep switching between fucking me and having me suck him. I like clean smells, crotch or skin or pits. I might let a guy fuck me if I wasn't cleaned out (never have) if I knew that that was something he really liked, only because I get turned on by my top being turned on, but it's not something I would ever want as a top, or seek out as a bottom.

Hi guys, I learned a few weeks ago that I am HIV+. I want to give a shout out to tallbtm here. One of the reasons I was getting tested was because he took the time and care to give me some very valuable information on PrEP (how to get it at low or virtually no cost, or at least find ways to make it doable). If I hadn't been poz, I'd be on prep now. As a quick background, I've been a BB bottom for over 30 years, have probably taken thousands of loads and usually tested annually (didn't always make that mark, I always struggled with getting tested for fear of finding out I was poz). At no point have I ever thought anyone else but me is responsible for my STD status, my choice, my risk. Having said that, I have never knowingly engaged in sex when I had an STD, I'd have a problem doing that even if the guy wanted the STD. I've known that I'm HIV+ for about 3 or 4 weeks now, and have not had sex since finding out (a new record for me lol). It's not that my desire for sex has left, I've masturbated to get some sort of release. My intent is to not have sex until I am on meds and showing an undetectable VL because I don't want to knowingly spread disease. I know, that's just me, not saying this is "the standard," it's just mine. I want to understand why guys chase and stealth. I do not get it, and I have yet to read an explanation from a chaser or stealther that explains it (which is not to say they don't have one, I just have not read one yet). I've read some who say "it's complicated," but do not say how or why they want to be sick or make someone else sick? For me it was a question of fear and ignorance. Chances are I could have avoided being poz had I not been afraid of testing and discussing/learning about PrEP with a provider (a long legacy of being stigmatized for being gay). When I finally did get the courage and knowledge, it was to late. To me, the current treatments and preventative measure (i.e. PrEP) represent a way to hugely reduce HIV, if not get rid of it altogether over time. With undetectable VL on the one hand, and prophylactic treatment on the other, over time HIV could become like polio (in frequency of infection). So, if you have HIV, why not treat it? If you don't but love to BB, why not PrEP? (these are not rhetorical questions)

This is a good question, and I'm not sure I know the answer. I come from a religious culture that did not make allowances for being gay. Being gay meant you were "broken" and having sex with a guy is "sin." So I married a woman at an early age (barely 21) and tried to live as straight. It took me almost 30 years to get past my ideas of "God" and be able to accept myself. I stayed trapped in a marriage to a woman thinking I could change and just wasn't trying hard enough, or hadn't found the right key. dumb. Meanwhile, I failed to suppress my attraction to guys, had my first sex with a guy at 27. Ironically it was with a missionary lol. Because I did not accept who I was, sex became my only means of affirmation. Sex became a kind of illicit drug for me. Like the junkie shooting up to relieve withdrawal symptoms. I'd hate myself ever time I had sex, but could not stop. One of the ways I became an exclusive bottom was because it seemed every time I let a guy suck me, I'd end up with chlamydia (try explaining that to the wife). So, I stopped getting sucked early on. Twisted logic, I exchanged the less risky sex for the most risky, my ass was for guys, my cock for my wife. As to the decision to bareback? It was never really a conscious decision, though I hated myself for taking the risk (not so much for myself as my wife). It was a twisted and tortured life, I felt trapped in marriage by my beliefs, and a failure because I couldn't get over my desire to be with a guy. For me though, it just didn't qualify as being with a guy unless I got his seed. For me, half the act of fucking is the cum. Sex without cum is like sitting down to a wonderful meal and only tasting it without swallowing it. I spent years trying to make it otherwise, but I think the fact that I paid such a high price (emotionally) every time I had sex, I didn't have much room left for the compromise of a condom.

Ditto to most of the responses to this thread. The guy responded to a CL ad to get bred, that all by itself should be enough said. You didn't rape the guy or have sex with him against his will. We are all responsible for our own bodies. I went for years not getting sucked because it seemed every time I got sucked, I got chlamydia. My choice, either way. This guy has some big problems he's going to have to work through. He is taking anonymous loads on CL and wants to marry a woman who likely doesn't know he's bi. I wouldn't wish that cheating and lying scenario on anyone. At some point he needs to grow up and come to terms with who he is.

When i was younger I used to cruise an area where there were a lot of Navy, I was still new to getting fucked and still pretty conservative. One guy, kinda drunk, picked my up and took me to his sleazy hotel room and started fucking me missionary (which almost never happens) so he was pretty much in my face. I had one load in me and as he started fucking me he looked me in the eye with a kind of distain and ask: "how many cocks have you had today?" but it wasn't really a question as much as it was an accusation. I'm pretty sure I blushed. these days I don't embarrass.

I rarely get hard when bottoming and my erection is pretty dependent on the attitude of the other guy. Guys who are verbal and descriptive about what they want usually make me rock hard, but once I'm mounted and getting fucked all the focus seems to go into my hole. I used to jack while getting fucked, but I like getting fucked so much that I come really easily while getting fucked, so I usually end up hands off and that just ends up making me sluttier.

As my name indicates, I too am tall (6'5"). I have never been fucked doggie style with my knees and feet together. Frankly, I rarely get fucked on all fours at all because most soon discover I'm way to up there for them, even with legs spread, so most end up fucking me face down (prone). As to legs together or spread, I find most guys like to alternate between having me open or close my legs. Since I'm slender, I'm pretty easy to straddle with my legs closed and get penetrated deeper that way.

I had a FB (before I moved), who loved open hole. He seemed to love opening a hole more than he liked to breed it. Actually, what he really liked was to breed a very opened hole. His favorite way to find me was blindfolded and face down on my bed, naked and ass up. He'd spend lots of time alternating between fucking, fingering, eating and using toys on my hole. He was so slow and purposeful about his technique that I often couldn't tell how far he had gotten me. One time he spent a lot of time eating me and using toys and his hand. Before he left, I heard a "click" and later on he sent me a picture of my hole rose budded. I didn't even realize he had done it he had me so worked and excited and relaxed at the same time. He told me that when he was eating my hole, he was actually sucking on it so he could make it a rosebud. once he got it like that, it was his favorite type of hole to breed, so he bred it then snapped a picture for his trophy case. the whole idea of him doing that was a huge turn on for me, I miss him.

I'm only guessing, but given your screen name I'm making the assumption that the "deviant lifestyle" you refer to is "chasing"? IDK. Other's have already made some great points about your use of the word "deviant." Also, if you are going after the cost of barebacking, it's fair to also bring in practices/lifestyles that lead to diseases like diabetes, heart disease, stroke, obesity. I'm a critical care nurse and I can count on one hand the number of HIV+ patients I have cared for. I cannot begin to count the number of people I have cared for who have preventable diseases related to diet and exercise. But others have noted this too. The "truth" is we would be hard pressed to find a person who does not have some practice or habit that is not healthy. Heck. look at the cigarette culture of the first half of the 20th century. Alcohol is a known carcinogen. I think more focus needs to go on the profitability of sickness. I think it's a little mercenary how "civilization" still makes huge profit from things like war and sickness. I'm all for paying the scientist or doctor who spends years learning to be able to help sick people. I'm not as sure I'm in favor of paying a corporation profits made on the backs of these people. As already noted, the cost of HIV meds is far lower than the price tag (i.e., there's a lot of profit added in). Why? I think we miss the boat in society when we allow profitability to control the supply or development of meds or the provision of healthcare. When I say "profitability," I do not refer to the wage earned by the scientist or caregiver, I refer to the people who hire these people and then make a profit from their labors. I think our taxes would be better spent paying the scientists and caregivers the same amount, but removing the people who exploit scientists and caregivers to make a profit.

Wow Bearbandit, Thank you for taking the time to write that out, this is extremely valuable information, made especially so because it has your added experience. This is very helpful.

Thanks bear, I have been reading up on the meds, so far "Genvoya" looks like one of the better options. It looks like a variation on Atripla, but supposedly with fewer side effects. Since it was just FDA approved in November 2015, I'm not sure if I would want to start on something that doesn't have a longer history of use. I can take it since I am ARV naive and it looks as if it avoids some of the side effects (kidney and bone density issues) that some of the other meds still have, but at the same time, those are still possible side effects. Not sure of all the criteria the infectious specialist uses to choose an initial med, but seems close kidney and liver monitoring are important components of ongoing testing, along with viral load monitoring.

Just went online and looked at my actual viral load test and it wasn't 85,020 but 8520 QN PCR copies per mL. I'm going to have to research what this means, but it seems pretty low to me? Like maybe we caught the infection at the beginning stage? IDK.

Hey guys, Thank you to Rawtop and moderators on this site, and also to those of you who take the time to contribute thoughtful input. I know we all come from different backgrounds and life situations, and it's really been a rich experience for me to be a part of a "counter culture." [laughing] For me it's a swing in the extreme opposite direction having grown up in an era and culture that treated being gay as "sick" (at best), and a "sin" that provides you with a first class ticket to hell. One of the things this site provides to me (and many others from what I have read), is a relatively safe place to be and express exactly who/how we are. I think many of us know what it's like to be alone or isolated or rejected in life, and this place allows many of us to feel a part of something, accepted. It's really nice (understatement). It's kind of a funny experience for me because I spent most of my life in a religious culture that maintained that only people who believed as they did were "good" or "loving," but I have found more kindness, love and goodness on a 'porn' site than I ever did in church. I love that irony. Anyway, thanks to you guys, I appreciate and love you.

Hey guys. just wanted to post a progress report for anyone following this thread. I just got my VL number, 85,020, am going to have to read up on what that means (my CD4 was 343). I also got an appointment to see a specialist for the 25th of this month (today is 2/5/16). That was my first time telling a healthcare minion that I'm poz. The person calling to set an appointment (from my PCP referral) told me that was the earliest appointment available, so I told her that I'm HIV+ and she pretty much said that doesn't change anything... so, apparently having HIV+ isn't considered emergent in the infectious disease world. If I had an opportunistic infection, I'd likely get in sooner, but since I am healthy, guess this is the way it works. Am completely ready to get on meds and am kicking myself (just a little) for not testing sooner. For me it was a question of fear. I knew it was irrational (hey, of course it was, it was "Fear"), but always had to talk myself into testing. It had been about 26 months since my last test this time around, but previously had generally tested annually. Really, should have been more proactive and looked at Prep more closely, but again there was an irrational side to me that was always afraid of facing the test. The truth is I've been really lucky and pretty much dodged the bullet for 30 years. I'm grateful this disease can be managed now, I'll post and add my info to the pot as I go along, hopefully contribute worthwhile info for others.

Hey Locomotion, I'm curious why, after a lifetime of being careful you would now choose to expose yourself? After exchanging emails with a nice guy on this site I had actually resolved to go on prep this test, a little ironic. It makes more sense to me to be on prep than HIV meds. Unless you've done a 180 and want to be poz?

used to work in an office building, corner office that was solid glass windows on two sides looking out over the parking lot. There was one guy who fucked me once in the downstairs rest room, and after that it kind of became a habit. He'd drive by my office and park where I could see him from my office, then go in the downstairs restroom and wait. I'd go downstairs and go in the stall next to him and he'd spit on his cock, slide it under and I'd sit on it. He'd breed me on a regular basis that way. Had another guy from a hook up site who bred me in my office several times. He was a really hot black guy with a large cock, he'd sit on one of my chairs and i'd straddle him facing him and he'd breed me in the dark.

like what? ;-)

I just learned I'm poz about 10 days ago, so am still navigating the waters. I've been reading through the posts on this thread (i.e., "What it's like to be poz") and it's really good to not be alone, even though there are so many mixed reactions to being poz. I've wondered about the attitude, that seems almost universal, that once your poz you at least lose any inhibition about taking any load. Honestly, my desire to get bred always overshadowed any inhibition I might have had. The only time I felt inhibition was when I got tested. I dreaded getting tested and finding out I was poz. I have since discovered that my dread of finding out I was poz was greater than actually finding out I'm poz. Weird. Anyway, my question: Is there a risk of catching a different mutation of HIV once you are poz and on meds? Or do the meds act as a preventative for getting a new mutation as well as keeping the infection under control? Does my question make sense?

Thank you guys for taking the time to read and reply, for your kind and encouraging words. I know it's a good idea to seek out face time with others who are poz and have gone before me, there's a lot to be said about experience. I went to my PCP today and she gave me a list of support groups, I'll be looking into that. I have 2 referrals to HIV specialists, one local , the other about 40 miles away. Now I'm in the waiting mode to get an appointment and get meds started.

I found out I'm poz a week ago and it's still kinda new to me. I'm not in a cold panic, which is sort of weird to me, am wondering if I will have a delayed response... but it's been about 10 days now. I found out my CD4 yesterday (340), but the lab didn't run a VL. I found out after dragging myself in for routine testing... well, more honestly, I have been talking to a guy from OKC who I like and who seems to like me and for the first time in a long time have been hopeful about a relationship, so I really got tested because of him. I told him and he hasn't rejected me over it. He's the only person who knows other than my Primary Care Provider (PCP). I'm fairly new to this area, so my PCP is someone I found on the internet and just met. She's a physicians assistant and has been totally cool about this and will be referring me to a specialist. I'm pretty used to being alone, coping alone. I come from a religious background and was married (to a woman) most of my life, when I accepted myself as gay, I lost my family and friends because they were all a part of the religious culture, but the truth is I was alone when I had them. So having friends who know and accept me for who I am is new to me. I came out to lots of people about 10 years ago with mixed results, lots of rejection. I moved, started a new life and found acceptance. Lost my very lucrative livelihood during the economic downturn of 08, went to school and remade myself (got a BSN), but part of that process has involved moving a few times, so I have to keep starting over with making friends. I'm in a new place, but can finally settle down, just bought a house, so at least I can make some more permanent friends. HIV isn't something I will disclose to just anyone. I can't. I've just been to conditioned by rejection to just be wide open about it. No one at work even knows I am gay. Not because I'm closeted, but it just doesn't come up. Not sure what to do now. I'm a critical care nurse in a hospital. I'm looking at getting a specialist 40 miles away in another city because I don't want everyone at work to know I'm poz, I just do not want to face the rejection... even though I know most would likely be cool, there's always that element. Sorry for the ramble guys, but this place has been a refuge for me the last several years and a safe place for me to disclose myself. Your the second people to know. It's been comforting to read through some of the posts here. Reassuring. Even though I'm an educated health care professional and I know HIV is not the death sentence it once was, there's still the emotional and social side of it that I'm gonna have to deal with. Thanks for listening.

LMAO