tallslenderguy

Cool questions! As a pretty much total bottom, I do not equate "depression" and "just want[ing] to be used." I know there are some who think of bottoming as "just...being used" (not saying you are saying this), but it isn't true for me. No matter how you do it, unless it's nonconsensual rape, permission is being granted and an exchange is taking place. I do not think that what tops and bottoms get out of the exchange is all that different, just expressed and acquired differently. Call a bottom all the names one wants, "meat" or any number of 'degrading' names, but the person using the names obviously places a value on that type of bottom... enough to pursue and invest himself in that person. The reverse is true as well, I think. To me the end result is an expression of mutual desire and the connection that comes because of that. I think of one regular fb in particular who I've had to bite my tongue to keep from saying "I love you" to him lol (probably should just say it, but I don't want to risk ruining it). I've never seen this guy, just peripheral vision stuff, he always gets me face down and anonymous, but I love the way he makes me feel. Sex has always been on his terms (only when he wants it), which is kinda hurtful, but there is plenty of positive in the experience to keep both of us wanting continuity. That is a mutual expression of value. I think there is something hot about the unbridled passion that is expressed in "just being used," but I also think that what is happening is the opposite of "using." Both parties are obviously getting something out of the exchange. One of the things I love about my sexuality is the different perspective it lends. Initially, it was a forced perspective that I fought, but when I accepted myself, I found I can look and be open and honest about how I feel. I like who I am, and so do lots of others, I'm not ashamed or depressed about it. I consider myself pretty rich and am consistently damned happy. Even finding out I'm poz didn't change that.

Size can have certain effects, I used to have a fb who was about 7", but was so big around that I could not take him unless I'd been liberally fucked by several large cocks first, or had stretched with a big dildo. He literally would fuck the cum out of me and I had no control over it. I have to agree with many here though, technique goes a long way. When I sense a top is really into what he doing vs just going through the motions to get off, I get very engaged and enjoy. Having said that, if I'm at a bath house, etc., and have a choice over a guy who just wants to fuck and a guy who wants to orgasm, I'll take the second guy every time, no matter the size. My main desire is not for cock, it's for the tops orgasm inside of me and the cum that comes with it. For me, that's the connecting point, the part of him that remains once his cock is gone. I love that part of fucking.

I was married (to a woman) for most of my life. It was hell for me. Married young and was of a religious persuasion that considered "gay" as a sickness at best. I didn't think there was really a choice, so I married. I didn't not enjoy sex with my wife, but retrospectively understand that it was like being in prison (i.e., you make do with what you have). It's telling that I have easily been with over a 1000 guys, maybe 2000, but have only ever been with one woman. I finally got free of my weird belief system about 10 years ago and am divorced. I was married for 6 years before I had my first experience with a guy. I separated from her after it happened because I thought "I"m gay and I need to deal with it." But the tangle of my religious beliefs was still stronger, so the separation only lasted 6 months... not to mention that I loved my wife. And that was a huge part of the issue, I did/do love this person, but my sexuality was not something she ever (to this day) accepted. She knew about my attraction to men before we married, and again I brought it up shortly after we married, but neither of us believed there is such a thing as "being" gay, we thought it was a sickness or something you could choose to resist. The "hell" part for me was in trying to resist my sexuality. I didn't succeed. I did tons of anonymous sex with guys in restrooms, at parks. I cruised a lot. I got chlamydia and gonorrhea a couple of times and gave it to her... and lied about it. Weird to think that I could get away with lying, but our belief system shut our reason down in many respects. She wanted to believe me, which made the betrayal worse. I fought my desires to have sex with guys like a mad man, but always ended up doing it eventually, the longest I ever went without was about a month. I continuously felt guilt and shame... and desire. There was no balancing them. I compartmentalized and did not allow for relationship with a man, just sex. Again, for me/us, our issue was religion. Once I was able to work through that reality did not aline with my beliefs, I was able to move forward. My wife never changed her perspective and I realized I could not live with someone who thought of me as damaged or less than, though I probably would have stayed with her in an open, honest relationship. For me, the cost of cheating is way to high, though I did it for a long time, I hated it and myself. I love my life now, not only because I am free to be who I am, but I am free to be open and honest as well, not in hiding. I hate that I hurt people I love, but I also understand how it happened and why, so my experiences have given me insight I use every day. Not sure this is what you were looking for, but it's some of my story.

This is a fascinating topic for me and I confess it stirs something in me. I'm not feminine at all. I am a nurse and work with a lot of women and get flirted with by women quite a bit. I'm surprised at the number of women who flirt and touch me, I'm just not obviously gay and not feminine at all. I've had a couple of dominate guys approach me in this way though, wanting to "make me their pussy" and negate any masculinity. I'm not really sure why this appeals to me, I have no desire to cross dress or be a woman, but there is something about being directed and controlled that really turns me on, and i guess there's a lot of guys who associate "feminine" with sub, so by making you feminine they make you more sub? I've worn lace panties for guys before because they wanted it, but don't consider myself a cross dresser or into women's clothes. I've also been with a few dom guys who seem obsessed with making my ass hole look like a "pussy" or "cunt" and who love calling it that. I don't know why this turns me on, because I do not feel the least bit girly. I know what appeals to me is not being forced so much as talked or seduced into giving away my power, my manhood. The idea of being changed by a top/dom into just what he wants is a total turn on to me, there is something about being "groomed" that makes me really slutty, so I find I get turned on by guys who want to treat me this way, even though I do not naturally feel "feminine" thoughts?

True... and hep B requires three separate vaccines over several months to be effective. You should also get a titer once you've had the course to make sure you've achieved immunity. Some forms of Hep C are curable now, though it is a long and expensive process http://www.webmd.com/hepatitis/features/cure

I've got a "raw dawg"... looks like a dog cock with a knot, but it's hollow and fuckable. I guess it's not unlike the "hump gear" bear bandit mentioned. The knot holds it in place in your ass, it's thick, so it doesn't strike me as permeable. It's kind of cool getting fucked with it, especially with the knot, instead of feeling friction you feel pressure/fullness. I tried jacking off with it and was not impressed, I guess it's similar to a "flesh jack" (but do not know because I've never used one). The friction is not comparable to skin to me, so I'd be disappointed if I were the top fucking a bottom with one in. Then there's the lack of cum. As rawTOP notes, this is a bareback site. For me it's not even half a fuck if I don't get cum. I've only used mine once and that was with a friend who only does safe.

I have times when I want this, when in heat, but am not always in heat. My guess is there are tops who are similar, that desires cum, go, change, cycle. I do not have one constant, though being a bottom seems to be that. I don't think desires are static, but fluid.

Great topic, I echo your feelings and questions. I've had several guys who have wanted and tried to fist me, only a few officially though, most have just tried without asking. For me, that's a big part of the turn on. I'm not into pain, but really love having my pleasure controlled by a top. The few sessions that have been incredible for me, making me want more, have been with tops who are really good at reading my signals. I get that "communication" is key, but the form that communication takes is also key for me (and I also think it's key for certain kinds of tops). The tops who whisper and encourage me have a hypnotic effect on me, helping me open up, but it has to be genuine patience on their part. Force does not work for me, seduction gets submission... almost ownership in the moment. For me, fisting represents that kind of dynamic, where the top reads me so well, subtle signals, and encourages and seduces me into opening my hole for him.

As is usual, there is never a standard or simple answer. It is a blanket statement and stereotype to fit all Republicans, or even conservatives, under the umbrella of "hate." Though it is a large umbrella, and a lot of people fit under it. Having qualified that, there are a lot of people who believe that being gay is contrary to their "God." Of course, it is still their idea of "God," usually based on their read of their scripture. But they do not see it as belief, but as "truth" or "Gods word," etc.. I think what is behind the "hate" is the desire to establish a stance or code of right and wrong that is considered dependable and offers an illusion of security. Nothing like being on "Gods side" to make you feel good about yourself.

ditto what others are saying... cock and cum belong in my ass. For me, sucking is just foreplay, not an end in itself. I got pretty good at it and had to back away from what I was doing because I was making guys cum before they fucked me and would be disappointed. If Im at an ABS, i may start by sucking, butt once they are hard I try to mount with my ass, if they refuse to fuck, i'll usually suck them off... cum at the back of my throat is better than nothing. Not into just sucking though, guys who do not cum turn me off.

I think it's a good and valid question, but as has been pointed out, having the answer does not equal knowing lol. I answer "poz and on meds" because it seems the most accurate, since even on meds ones detectable status can change. For me the message is "I'm doing what I can to try and minimize infection risk while still engaging is risky behavior."

I see a common theme in your topic: "worry." I went decades taking lots of loads and only recently became poz. Ironically, I learned I was poz after deciding to go on prep and taking the initial test to start the process. Now I'm on meds anyway because I want to be undetectable. Not a chaser or a gifter. It's just another guys opinion, but you sound to me like you'd benefit from prep. I used to serosort too, same kind of reasoning as you, also worried, but always ended up wanting loads (and taking them). If you are going to continue to do as you are doing, just be straight in your head (so to speak) that you are indeed at risk for becoming poz and the risk you are taking is all your choice. That's just a fact. When I became poz, I thought I had a pretty good idea who i got it from for reasons that do not really matter here. I do know he gave me syphilis, and when I let him know (just as a courtesy), he denied it. He was kind of like your guy, a repeat fucker who would fuck for hours and cum multiple times. I liked getting fucked by him and made my choice, even though I was suspicious that he might be a carrier. Bottom line, I wanted him and the choice was mine whether he was lying or not. I am totally at peace with that and him. It's simply unrealistic (and you already know this, I'm just stating the obvious) to hope you can stay neg by trying to be choosy about who you let fuck you. I'll include a monogamous relationship in that. It may be the cynic in me, but you are only as monogamous as your partner is, and you can never guarantee the monogamy of another person. The risk of contracting HIV is part of being sexually active, even if you only fuck once a year. The good news is, HIV is no longer a death sentence, it's usually a very manageable chronic disease for most. So, if you want a guarantee, you'll have to abstain. If you want to minimize your risk, then condoms or prep. If you gotta have cum, know that HIV and other STI's are likely part of your future.

That is a CDC recommended regimen for chlamydia, it's also a secondary choice for syphilis, but doxycycline will not knock out gonorrhea, which because of resistance now has a recommended treatment of 2 antibiotics (cephalosporin plus azithromycin) at the same time. The cephalosporin is administered in a shot. Penicillin g (also given as a shot) is still the number one choice for syphilis. For a few years, a one time 2gm dose of azithromycin would cure gonorrhea and take care of chlamydia as well (which still has a treatment dose of 1gm of azithromycin), but developing resistance in gonorrhea has changed the treatment to the double antibiotic regimen. Unfortunately, there is not a single regimen that can be taken presumptively to treat all three.

ha, that's a pretty interesting question really. I think words like "slut" "bitch," "whore" have sexist roots and have been traditionally derogatory and applied to women who like lots of sex. Bottom guys who want to get fucked a lot get the the name because of the similar receptive position? The words don't fit a top in my mind, and more, don't fit the feelings they evoke. If someone came to me and said "construction guy is such a whore," I'd think of you as a bottom. The only thing that comes to mind is "typical male" lol

Of course, we don't actually know the why of it, we're speculating... but I can relate to both sides. I am not one to plan sex with a guy as a general rule. I'm not horny 24/7 and I have a life in addition to sex. lol, this has evolved over the years, I used to be hornier more of the time and made more allowances for sex to intrude or displace other plans. I've discovered that I may not feel the same way tomorrow as I do now, so I am not very inclined to plan a hook up for much later. When I am on the prowl, it's because I am horny NOW, and I usually want as much sex as I can get as soon as I can get it. When I am looking it usually a result of edging and building up heat and desire for sex, it's usually a long space of time that I am available because the edging keeps me very horny. So, if a top contacts me at 4 and says "how about 8," I'll usually go for it because I know I'll still be wanting it at that time. But even that has exception. If it's a fb, I am more apt to make a date later, if it's just a hook up, I'll usually say: "get back to me when you're ready" (because it seems more often than not, a hook up does not get back to you or if we've set a date, they do not show). Then there is the dynamic of top vs bottom. I think most bottoms can do a lot more breeding than tops. Most tops cannot breed 5 guys ("breed" not just fuck), one after another, but as a bottom in heat I can take 3x that number. The point being, if I am horny and can get it now, I'm going to go for it vs wait for a later that may not happen. We have developed a system of getting sex, often on demand. It benefits us all when we are ready, not so much when we are not. It's easier for a top to be 'ready,' but a bottom can be "ready" for a longer period of time. lol, yeah, I have encountered this. My guess is you're prolly dealing with a guy who is married or in a relationship. He gets off work at 5 and has a window of opportunity to fuck on his way home from work, but cannot show up home 3 hours after getting off (work).

Funny thing about hormones, they seem to have a similar effect on all of us in that they create a sense of urgency to get it NOW, whether we're tops or bottoms. I often describe myself as a "bitch in heat" when I am horny. It's a visual that stuck with me from childhood when I saw a female dog that was in heat. There were about 15 male dogs at the front door milling about anxiously wanting to breed, and the bitch would have taken every one of them given the opportunity. Hormones push our buttons and sometimes overwhelm our reason lol. Of course, we're not just animals, most of us are domesticated to some degree, so out come the demands, qualifications, lists. I get it. I've been pissed at more than a few tops who didn't get it (i.e., the need for preparation), even after it's explained (not something I want to have to do when I know a guy is looking-who wants to talk douching at a time like that?). My guess is most bottoms know to be prepared before placing an ad or going cruising. Nastybottom referenced the guys who "message you out of the blue to run over and take care of them immediately." As a bottom, if the guy catches me when I am prepped and looking (i.e., 'in heat'), I don't see this guy as a rude intrusion, but a welcomed suitor. The thing is, it is pretty much impossible to be prepped 24/7 (unless you never eat or sleep or have a life), and that's where the problem happens. Both tops and bottoms have created the environment and expectation for sex on demand because it often is the case. That's what ABS and bath houses are all about. Hook up sites are a little grayer, some are looking for now, others for later. It seems what we're mostly talking about here is the regular or occasional FB, or really, someone we've hooked with before, who still has out contact info. Those are the guys who I find myself getting frustrated with for the very reason nastybottom states. I have a couple who I really like and this has kind of become the norm. I've tried to explain, but it just doesn't seem to sink in. But I kind of get it when I can step away from the heat of the moment. I think in part, a lot of bottoms help enable this attitude by not expecting consideration. I think a lot of bottoms are afraid they will miss out if they don't make it easy. I end up being matter of fact, if I can accommodate them, I do. If I can't, I say so and say why. It has not driven anyone away. It sounds cliche, but there is truth in the notion that if you do not value your self, others won't either. I think that's a part of the equation.

I agree with most here, that you're gonna have more challenges as an aging bottom than as an aging top. One of the factors that I haven't seen noted is letting yourself go appearance wise. It's harder to stay in shape as we age and some guys obviously don't even try. As a younger guy, I preferred guys my own age, but an 'older' guy could still turn my head (and have my ass) if he was in good shape. Having said that, what I consider "good shape" is not what others do. I don't need a lot of muscle to turn me on, but I am attracted to a slender guy who is groomed. But honestly, that has little to do with sex for me, I enjoy just about anyone who can get it up and wants to insert it, but I'm usually face down so visual appeal is not a factor. For various reasons, a lot of my sex life with guys has been anonymous to the point that I do not even see them. That seems to work well even though I am aging. I don't really look much older from behind lol. In anonymous fuck it becomes more about the physicality and attitude than looks or age. I used to have a fb who was "morbidly obese" (I mean that as a medical designation), he bred me on a regular basis. He was a great relationship for me and I learned from the experience. I developed affection for him as a person and his weight stopped mattering to me. I've had similar experiences when it comes to age, but in those cases, the visual was not a part of the package.

I think this is a great topic. I believe one of the advantages of being "gay" (read: "different from the norm") is we can question norms and be creative about what works. I think the notion many monogamous couples have that one person can fulfill them is really pushing it. It seems healthy to me to spread desires and needs around with people who are compatible. I think the idea of having a primary relationship can have some benefits, but it makes sense to me to question the norms the come with heteronormative culture. We rarely eat meals with only two ingredients. or only two items of clothing or.... Who says we only need two people in relationship?

My experience was less than stellar, lots of fucking but no one was cumming, I get lots more loads on regular days at a bh than I got at comunion in Portland OR

This is a fascinating thought, that somehow there is a breeding change that occurs in the bottom. Of course, there's no proof, but it sure feeds fantasy. I have long loved the idea of being "marked" by a top with his semen or piss, and carrying a part of him around in me. For me it's why I am a bottom. Beyond getting fucked, it's what the top leaves of himself after he is gone that really makes me crave having him in the first place. Both the expression of his pleasure and an actual part of him transferred from him to me. I also love the attitude of some tops of wanting to do this. Beyond fucking, they want to mark their territory. It really elicits something animal in me and makes my legs spread.

depends on what's on it. I am pretty scrupulous about staying clean, cock and hole and mouth. Not into disease or strong smells and being unclean can promote both. On the other hand, if the cock is coated with cum, that's another matter. since I keep my hole clean, if a top fucks my cum filled hole, it's not unusual for me to clean him off after he's added his own load (no cum unwasted). I usually have a little hesitation in my mind because I know the bacteria in the colon can make you sick upper GI, but I know how thorough I am cleaning my hole, so.... The smell and taste of cum covered cock, yes. Otherwise, no, do not like stinky smelly cock, ass or crotch. (didn't like it on a woman either when I was fucking or eating pussy).

funny typo. some would argue that just being a slut achieves this.

I can imagine it with that description... but I agree it's not a likely scenario for a study. lmao

Ditto to that. It seems I cannot get a bj without getting chlamydia or gonorrhea, I went for years... decades really, without getting a bj for that reason. almost never top either... butt that's mostly because I am bottom wired.

The first time I ever had sex with a guy was me giving him a bj. He came in my mouth and I swallowed it, it did not occur to me to do otherwise. I still suck cock and swallow cum, but it is always my preference to have cum in my ass. If I don't have a choice and all he wants is a bj, my favorite way to have a guy cum in my mouth is if I know he is going to shoot, or he starts to, i take his cock deep throat. For me, feeling him shoot in my throat is the best a bj can be.