tallslenderguy

Fun question. I was married most of my life, so had lots of practice as a top. With men, I have always been mostly bottom, pretty much exclusively the last 10-15 years (I can count on one hand the number of times I've fucked a guy in this time). Lately, I've considered topping more and with the thought process have made some observations about myself. Since I have been I've been divorced since 08 and my wife is the only woman I have ever been with.. I really have no interest in women sexually. With guys, I am really turned on by a hot ass on a guy. I think a guys ass can be his sexiest feature, which is pretty funny coming from a bottom, you'd think a cock would be my biggest turn on? There are times when I would fuck, but am flaccid. I don't have any physiological issues getting hard, but what makes me hard has changed. I get hard when a guy approaches me to fuck me, wants to breed my ass, etc.. I.e., the things that turn me on all seem bottom related. Even if I want to fuck a sweet ass, the way I get hard is fantasizing as a bottom. So, for me, the reason I don't fuck more often is because my mental and emotional disposition are bottom and my cock stays flaccid at the thought of fucking... even though I may enjoy it. Also, like others, I don't generally even consider fucking until after my ass is full of cum and I am somewhat sated.

Here's my nerdy contribution : Anatomically, everyone's a little different rectally (I looked all this stuff up in my anatomy/physiology test books since there's been some discussion, I thought some might be interested). There was some discussion about 'popping the second sphincter' on another thread, but that's kind of a misnomer as the inner and outer anal "sphincter" are within about 2 cm of each other right at the anal opening. Probably what most of us are encountering/talking about are the Houston valves; one way pseudo valves in the rectum. There are several variations on these valves, i.e., we are not all alike. According to my anatomy book "The average person has two or three valves, while approximately 20% of people have four to seven valves and 2% of people have none." My guess is this probably accounts for, in part, why some guys experience of getting fucked is different from others. The common consensus is that the function of these "valves" is to help keep fecal matter contained before defecation. There's even discussion amongst proctologists on how to navigate past them when doing tests like colonoscopies. I think the key is these are "one way valves," and of course, we are talking about going the opposite way when getting penetrated. In my experience, we're pretty malleable physiologically which could explain why someone with more experience has better 'tolerance' (for lack of a better word!) to being fucked: conditioning. Lots of us experienced bottoms have figured out (and we often discuss) how to condition our "holes," and have done so. We're talking muscle and tissue that can be manipulated and, somewhat, altered.

When I was younger and still married and in denial about being gay, I got an std from a guy (urinary). I was part of an HMO and the doctor I got was not my usual, but a member of the practice. He was young and hot and knew, of course, that I was lying about having no idea how I got it. The way he obtained the "sample" to test me was to have me bend over his exam table and essentially by finger fucking my prostate and milking precum from it. I was pretty naive at the time, but something about it felt like more than just a standard procedure. The guy really took his time and I had to pretend not to enjoy it.

Ditto, I see it in porn and am totally disappointed, and if a top does that to me, I get pissed. To me it's like interrupting an orgasm at the best part, I just don't get it. I agree with the others who also realize it's just kinda ignorant, I suppose one could argue you are lessening your chances of catching HIV (It's not as easy to catch as some believe), but that is not true about other STD's.

I was your age (26) the first time I was with a guy. He knew I was knew, but I was also really horny and wanting to get fucked, so I straddled him and went for it. He laughed and said "whoa, let me get some lube" (a good idea lol). While I had never been fucked before, I'd been playing in my hole since I was a kid, so having something in my ass was not new for me. Having something as large as a cock was new though. If you kinda want the feel ahead of time (I say "kinda" because nothing is like the real thing), find a dildo about the size of a cock your going to take. Might want to start with a smaller guy your first time out. I loved my first time, but it gets better once you know what you're doing.

Great question tiger. My sex life is almost completely anonymous, I really never see the guy fucking me, but I've had lots of hookups turn into what I'd call a "fb." For me a Fb is someone who keeps coming back, and I definitely develope affection for each one. I had one recently who I really miss because I moved, but he was an awesome fuck to the point where I'd have to bite my toungue to keep from saying "I love you" lol. One of the cool things about our lives is we get to define them. I like not being stuck with someone else's definition of relationship. I've had some great fbs and am greatful for each one. These are obviously mutually satisfying relationships, why wouldn't they be considered valuable?

I'd say it depends on the kids and the kind of relationship you have with them. Chances are, the guys on this site who have kids had them in another life (i.e., before they were out as gay). I, like others here, was born in an era when being gay was considered a sickness. Add to that, I grew up in a fundamentalist religious culture that taught me I was broken (at best). As a consequence, it didn't even seem an option to live as a gay person, I believed being gay was something to be cured of, or at least something I had to overcome or resist. As part of that, like many gay guys my age, I got married and tried to live as a straight person. I was so religious as a kid I even got up and in a church gathering and "confessed" my attraction to guys, everyone circled around me and prayed for me and nothing was ever said about it after. My wife to be was even present. Nobody, including myself, really understood what it meant to be gay, we thought it was something you could choose against. My gayness was something to protect the kids from. After years of processing, I finally got past my upbringing and beliefs (I was a slow learner!). I came out to my kids in 2006. Both were adults, and both were shocked. At the same time, I left fundamentalism. Not sure which was more shocking to my kids. Both of my sons are smart guys, one's an electrical/nuclear engineer, the other has 2 masters degrees. Each was headed the direction of losing their religion, but it's almost as if my coming out pushed them back in and deeper than ever. Because of their religious beliefs, one of my sons hasn't spoken to me in years, the other reminds me in birthday cards that he and his family are praying for me to 'repent." I haven't figured out which which response I like less. To me, there was no way around it (coming out to them). It was a part of living honestly after a lifetime of almost literally living in a "closet." It ended up costing me my family... but did "I" ever really have a family if they didn't know who I was? I think if ones kids are accepting of them, then the kid will kind of guide how much you tell them. They may ask, though even in the 21st century, sex is still an awkward topic for some. I think the important stuff to be open about is how being gay affects you as a person, things that might never occur to a straight person, like how you may have hidden while growing up-just to survive. These are things that molded us and can offer a lot of insight into the why and how we are/were. It's a part of being known in relationship... if your kids are interested in knowing you.

Lmao

Wow, this has turned into a fascinating exchange. I love this community. I land somewhere in the middle on this. For me, sometimes it's hot when a top refers to my ass as a "cunt" or "pussy" and sometimes it's not. It all depends on the person and situation... which indicates to me that it's not so much the words being used, but the person using them and how he uses them. For me it's about another person taking charge of my pleasure. I think socially these are roles that have been generally assigned as male/female, masculine/feminine, so there is some part of our psyche that associates the role with gender (even though the notion may not reflect reality. i.e., it's possible to be male and sub, female and dom). I've had some tops who, while fucking me, referred to my hole as a "pussy" and I had to keep myself from laughing. Their voice and even demeanor struck me as funny because it was opposite of what they were trying to convey with words and it became ironic. But that was my personal perception. Physically the guys were indeed in the "dominant" position, but their attitude came across to me as trying to be something they were not. But what is it that makes my idea of right correct and theirs wrong? Do our ideas of right and wrong keep us from seeing reality? I was married (to a woman) most of my life (over 30 years). It was a lot of work (and pain) for me to get free of religious and other cultural stuff that kept me from accepting who I am, but the processing left me comfortable in my own skin and usually comfortable with other peoples 'skin' as well. I honestly don't think there is a 'right' or 'wrong' side on this (really. I'm not trying to be PC). To me the wrong side is disrespecting another because they are not like me. That's the kind of ego/ethnocentricity that got gays thrown in prison not to long ago (and still does in some parts of the world), so why would we adopt that practice? Not that I am suggesting that there is no such thing as attraction and preference, but I think the reasons for that are part of our individual construct, there's not a superior or inferior, just different. To me, bad is when there is not mutual consent, or we violate a persons volition (yeah, I know there are even guys who want that... but the key is "they want that" and as such are still exercising their volition to be violated lol). Sex is both an emotional and physical need/want and the two seem very intertwined. It seems human nature to want to standardize behavior and need/want as "normal" or "abnormal," when in reality both behavior and need/want seem very individual to me. Though there can be lots of overlapping similarities between our wants/needs, and thus similarities in our behaviors, we're still all different. WTF, lol. Simply put. I think the most successful interactions involve some form of communication. I may really love calling an anus a "pussy" or "cunt," but I don't want to call yours that if you don't want me to, or especially if it offends you. So, after communicating, I may look elsewhere or simply not use those words with you. And vice versa. If I'm a bottom whose buttons get pushed by such words, I may look for that in a top. Yeah, I know, communication can take some of the magic and spontaneity out of sex, but that's why god invented profiles.

I think one of the advantages of being "gay," or just different from heteronormative really, is that our reality sets us up to question the "norm." For years in recent history heterosexual was called "normal" and homosexuality was "deviant" or "abnormal." Culture(s) seem to be forever trying to put a static label on stuff as a point of reference. Ok, you may be wondering where the fuck I'm going with this? Really, just making a distinction between what is considered a cultural norm and what may be physically "normal." From what I read, you don't have any physical issues that preclude you getting erect and maintaining an erection? You're still pretty young, so likely do not have vascular issues that effect your ability to get and stay hard. It seems to me that your going soft while getting a bj is mental/emotional vs physiological. I.e., it's not that you physiologically can't get hard, you start out that way, but for some mental/emotional reason getting a bj doesn't keep you aroused. Our sexual physiology is wired into both those things (our mind and emotions), they both can effect our erection. Your statement: " I always go soft. Every single time. I never cum from it and it leaves the sucker feeling pretty crappy when I go limp in their mouths" can become a self fulfilling prophesy. I.e., if you are convinced you will always go soft and never cum when getting a bj, you probably won't. It's not that you're physically incapable of getting hard or cumming (I imagine you do both?), but that for what ever reason some part of you does not want to. There's probably not a guy on this forum who has not experienced psyching themselves out of a hard on. I was married most of my life, so I was a top most of my life when it came to the opposite sex. I had no problem getting hard. I could get hard on demand, and often when I didn't demand it lol. After I divorced 7 years ago, I've been living as totally gay. I've only ever been with one woman, but cannot count the number of men I have been with, easily hundreds (I cheated a lot while married). When I was married, I was pretty versatile in my gay sex life. As I have gotten older, I have become more bottom to the point I am almost exclusively bottom now. Along with that, I no longer become erect all that easily. This is just a theory on my part, but I am in healthcare and have observed that the body shuts down areas that are not being exercised. It's true about muscle, bone, our brains. I wonder if the same isn't true sexually? I.e., if we're not 'exercising' our cocks to penetrate, we become less capable of doing so? But then, the opposite is probably true too. I.e., if we start exercising again, we build muscle mass (this becomes less true once one gets older, but you're not there yet). But just like the guy who hasn't lifted weights for years cannot start out bench pressing 350 lbs because he is deconditioned, the guy who has only fucked a couple of times in the last several years may also be 'deconditioned' and may need to "exercise" that part of himself to regain the same (or more) ability? I do not think it is normal or abnormal to change and want to fuck, I think it's simply the course your life is taking for reasons that are particular to who you are. I do believe you could top and stay hard and cum while getting sucked if it's something your whole person wants. You may not start out being able to do it on demand, you may have to exercise to be able to reawaken and reach your full potential, but I think you are physically built for it if you want it. some thoughts for what they may be worth

Hey breederboy, I try to understand flakes, but am still frustrated by them also as a bottom. I have had several actually go as far as getting my address and then they disappear or never show. This has really put me off of places like CL. As a kind of defense against this I've gotten to the place where I will give my street and a cross street and ask them to message me when they get there and I'll give the address. I explain why (flakes) and I have had some success with that. As to the guys that just quit the conversation when it comes time to do something, I figure these guys are the same ones that go for phone or cybersex and that's all they're really looking for. I'm with the many who in other discussions have mourned the internet as affecting hook up sex. I think there's a lot to be said for cruising in person. Lately I've had great success at the local ABS.

on the few occasions I have cum from getting fucked, it was with a top who knew exactly what he was doing with my prostate. It's a rare and hot experience for me to cum from getting fucked, made a little more intense from the fact that my pleasure has been totally controlled by the top... who obviously knows it. As far as doing it to myself? not nearly as satisfying fucking my self....

I'm not usually totally satisfied until I cum... and I don't even think of cumming when I'm in heat and want cum in my hole. My approach to sex is a kind of edging or tantric approach (i.e., how long I can sustain the pleasure without cumming). It also depends on the guy fucking. Some guys are just looking to get off, so as a bottom, I kind of mirror that and am available and enjoy his intent and pleasure, but then I want more (cum). Some guys are really obviously into the process of fucking and working a hole. I have one FB in particular who is really an artist, and he comes closest to leaving me sated (and he usually cums a couple of times). So, for me, a tops energy and intent have a lot to do with how satisfied I am. Then there's the cum. When I get cum slutty, sex for me becomes hearing the tops sigh or indication that he has cum and having his cum in my hole, and I cannot remember ever getting enough of that.

"The Best Tool to Find Bb Fucks?" I was gonna answer: "a hot ass," but that wasn't an option. Butt seriously, I've lived in different locations and it seems each region has its favorite place/site/method. Last 2 places I lived I got most my action off of CL, but not without a lot of flakes. Where I'm at now, it's definitely an ABS. It took me awhile to figure out this is the place, but I rarely leave without 5 or 6 loads in my ass and a few down my throat. Always a little disappointed when a guy cums down my throat instead of my ass, but some guys only want a bj and some guys cum faster than anticipated. When I suck I always start slowly and purposefully, and that seems to turn a lot of guys on. It's all very Zen, being in the moment lol. I've gotten fairly adept at making the switch from sucking to mounting my ass on their proffered cock, and I'd say about 90% of the guys at this place seem to love it (i.e., bb fucking). Only had a few actually turn me down because of no condom.

Yeah, some tops or bottoms don't like the terms, I don't presume to know all the reasons, everyone's different and I think it's best to just respect a person as they are. Having said that, I fucking love when a guy wants to breed my cunt or pussy, I love taking a guy's dominance into me

i dunno, Ive never experienced too much cum in my ass. I guess it's like jello, there's always room for it.

Okay, had to think about this. I was really young, still in elementary school, only 7 or 8. David McCallum as Illya Kuryakin on Man from UNCLE. Lol, yeah, he made me "tingle."

yeah, slow here too. I'm big on the mental part of fucking and slow demonstrates intent to me. There's something almost Tantric about a slow, purposeful entry. I had a great fuck yesterday where the guy did just that... and kept doing it. He alternated between balls deep ramming and slow fucking, but mostly did slow probing with his cock. "Probing" really describes it well for me, it's like he was exploring my insides with his cock. He came once after a pretty long fuck, then went for seconds and came again...big loads both times. That's kind of unusual in my experience for a guy to be able to cum twice, once right after the other, and big loads each time. but the entry and fuck were mostly slow and made me very hot.

absorb. For me a guys cum (or anything he leaves in me for that matter), represents a part of him, his greatest pleasure. I want to absorb and keep that as long as I can.

I thought some of y'all would like this one. Last Monday I was at an ABS, they have glory holes and it's usually pretty easy to get 3 or 4 loads from the afterwork crowd. I usually start by sucking when a guy slides his cock through the gh, but once it gets hard enough, I back my hole up and most like that (yay). Monday I was sucking and right before I was ready to switch from oral and give him my ass, he said through the wall "I take ass too." :-) After he left a guy took his place and he had a beautiful cock, perfect. It got firm, but not upright hard. I was afraid it might be too long, butt was able to take it and relax after a few (what was I thinking? no way I was going to pass it up). Besides, I had used a long snake before going out... it helps me open my second sphincter and ensure I am clean very deep. He fucked for a long time, never getting really hard, sometimes pausing deep, I thought he was cumming, but then he'd resume fucking. He fucked for so long, I was getting kind of tired... not from the fucking, but from the posture. I'm 6'5" and i was having to kinda squat to get my ass lined up with the hole... but I persevered ;-). After quite a bit of fucking he made the tell tale sounds of cumming and thrust deep again, then with drew. He thanked me a couple of times saying how hot it was, and I returned the compliment... it really was. He waved bye through the gh and left. I hung out for about another hour, sucked another cock, but the ABS emptied out, so I headed home (bout a 20 minute drive). When I was home for awhile, I felt the loads starting to push on me... kind of unusual, I'm used to holding loads in without much effort, kinda swallowing them internally. But these wanted out, so when I did there was this huge gush. At first it didn't register, but when I looked (and smelled) I realized it was piss. This was a huge surprise, because I honestly had no idea I had been pissed in... and it was quite a bit too lol. I pieced it together in my mind and realized it was the guy with the long cock. The only thing I can figure is he stealth piss fucked me and was able to get past my second sphincter, so I didn't know it till later. Damn, I hope i run into him again.

To try and answer your questions: No, getting fucked does not "ruin your erection for girls." I know lots of guys who like both guys and girls... they identify as bisexual. You may find you are a cumslut, but I don't think cumsluts are made... I think they are discovered. Of course there is no evidence either way, just opinion. Still, there are lots of guys who are cum sluts and that does not effect their ability to top others, men or women. As to anonymity, you are not clear about what you are asking by that question. If your concern is disease, you can get STD's with men or women having sex. You can protect yourself against HIV with Prep. And yes, that is an incredibly beautiful ass (but then, you knew that lol).

Doesn't really matter to me, for me it's the attitude of the top that matters. I question most masculine and feminine stereotypes as exactly that, stereotypes. For instance, I like being dominated sexually, but not hurt. Try and hurt me and I'll show you how stereotypically masculine I am lol. I know Dom women too, so do not really identify sub with feminine, though know many do. I don't typically have this conversation when getting fucked is on the table (i.e. Re the words used).

True that. Although we've all likely encountered, and have probably been that guy, who over or under extends the actual definition of the word we're using. I think that goes hand in hand with the point you made earlier (that many profiles/hook up ads are written at our horniest of moments). My greatest adventures have definitely been when I was in heat, not usually right after I've climaxed and have cum down.

Back at the time of the purported birth of Christ, Jewish women traditionally were married around the age of 13 or 14. As the story goes, Mary would have been about 13 or 14 at the time God impregnated her. That would make God a pedophile by our current cultural standard, which ironically has many roots in religion. I pretty much agree with those who note a general rule cannot be applied to everyone, everyone is 'ready' at a different point in life. I think religious cultures are mostly responsible for making rules about sex in order to exercise control. They make sex into a morality issue. They teach you cannot have sex till married, and where does marriage traditionally take place? "God" controls the basic human needs (the blessing over the meal, sex can only happen after a "God" approved wedding, etc.), and the people who head religious institutions decide who God is and what God wants. Who wants to make gay sex illegal? Who calls it a "sin." Who argues that allowing people to be gay will lead to "pedophilia?" The very institutions whose beginnings were born out of "pedophilia"... except then, that was accepted practice by their culture, so it was okay. If you take away the religious element, what is it that makes sex at any age immoral or inappropriate? To my way of thinking, the immorality comes from one person manipulating or coercing another human being to do something against their will. I don't think sex, in and of itself, is immoral. I think it's simply a natural drive, just like the drive to eat. We don't have laws against adults feeding kids McDonalds till they become obese and sick. In that vein, it makes sense to me that kids would have sex with kids, usually, because they are more likely to be on the same level when it comes to ability and maturity. Adults having sex with kids increases the risk of manipulation or coercion and a violation of another's autonomy. I personally do not think most kids today are emotionally mature enough to make decisions about many things, not because of age, but because culturally we have dictated and ensured that they are still emotionally immature. In other cultures where people take on adult responsibilities at younger ages, they also end up in responsible positions and romantic/sexual relationships at younger ages. But honestly, if I question the reasons why one might not have sex (at any age)? The only thing I can come up with is the risk of disease and thus harm (pregnancy is not a question between 2 guys). To me there would need to be a level of competency/maturity. Maybe we should administer a sex test and license to ensure the operator knows what they are doing and that is what determines legality?

Great discussion! I would agree with the many who believe the internet has had a major effect on how cruising is done. I was living in VA (Hampton Roads- Virginia Beach, Norfolk, Pop. 1.8m) before the internet and cruising sites were the rage. There were popular cruise spots, one beach/park in particular would almost always have about 20 guys cruising. That was great for me because I don't drink and have never been much for bars. I was also pretty closeted then (was married) and spent a lot of time cruising restrooms (there were many hot spots and I'd get fucked under stalls often). I moved away from the east coast in 2014, but those cruise places had all dried up for at least 10 to 15 years. I still hook up plenty, but it's usually the results of a visit to the local ABS, an ad on CL or one of the many hook up sites, or a FB. The biggest difference I experience is the flake factor. Cruising in person always resulted in sex for me, with online you get the guys who are getting of virtually (I guess) and essentially lie about hooking. I cannot count the number of times I've had all the details worked out with a guy, often to the point of giving my address, and the guy never shows and never says why. It's really weird, it seems like there is a whole new type of person who's sole goal is to just get your address and that's their climax. My guess is that is mostly newbies/married/closet guys who are just to afraid to act on their desires, but I never encountered it with in person cruising.