tallslenderguy

To me, a "hard fuck" doesn't hurt... at all. The energy of a hard, pounding fuck is awesome, sort of animalistic? idk, but i LOVE it, not pain at all. i love a deep grinding fuck too though, different kind of energy and just as awesome. i've gotten to a place in life where i notice the energy a Man gives off. The FB i described above with the huge girth had that pounding kind of approach and energy, but i felt no intent from Him to cause pain, which is probably why i wanted Him again and again ad infinitum. His energy opened me psychologically and i figured out how to accommodate Him physically. i loved and wanted His particular kind of pleasure and orgasm... in me. It was a part of Him that He put inside of me, and i am grateful. To me that is so different from guys who want to hurt someone. i don't get that, to me, that is the opposite of connecting. A hard fuck, even what some term "rough" fuck, doesn't come across to me that way if the Man is just hugely needing to breed/seed me. That is so different than someone trying to hurt me. And honestly, there is a sort of psychological masochism that is a part of me, but that's another topic.

Not painful for me. i'm not a (physical) masochist, not into pain. i've prolly had a few thousand cocks, but and count on one hand the number of times i ever felt pain, and that was just initially when a Man had a huge cock and just shoved in. my hole has be conditioned and developed to be a receptive organ, and for a few years now, it's been a lot better at being receptive than retentive. No incontinence, but i do have to clench like i am milking a cock to keep stuff where it belongs. i had one Man who wanted to be a FB. He was not long, but His cock is probably still the biggest i diameter i have ever taken? The first time He fucked me, i got used to it, but took some time and was not really painful, but distracting till i opened enough for Him. The second time He contacted me, i demurred, but regretted doing so, i need/want a Man too much to turn Him down when He wants me. The next time He contacted me, i opened a bit with a plug before He got there, i learned how to open just enough to make it easier for Him to get in and give Him the freedom to just push in. This guy was seriously big, He'd pretty much fuck the cum out of me every time... wasn't an orgasm, probably all from the prostate, but copious amounts to where it looked like i had cum. i loved Him, He had wonderful energy. He really needed to fuck, and the more He bred me, the more i needed Him to fuck me. Sorry, big tangent lol. Good memory. i'd guess most total bottoms with some miles on them stopped feeling pain at some point? idk, i had been putting things in my hole since 7, so by the time i took my first cock, i was ready. my hole had already been molded to receive. i would guess that's pretty normal among total bottoms? Pain has never really been part of regular breeding for me.

When i was younger, i saw everything with an eye towards putting it in my ass. As i got older, i was more interested in Men putting things in my ass. i connect what penetrates me to the penetrator now, and i'm not a penetrator... But a couple of things that went in when i was a teen, my bicycle pump... and then, of course, i had to pump it. in my 20's i worked as a "maintenance superintendent" for a high school. I had a lot of tool sin my office, below is a pic of one of them. The newer ones are not as good. The one i had was heavy, solid metal, 30" long, about 1.5 inch diameter and it had a ball at the end instead of being tapered. i saw it and like Pavlovs dog, went into heat and started salivating. i Put it in a vice and backed my hole onto it, it was a pretty intense fuck for an object.

i was too. i found His old email from MIT and sent Him a note out of the blue. He responded!!! We wrote back a forth a half dozen times, but He was engaged and personable, to a complete stranger.

Oh wow, You were a Man of substance, even as a teen! This reminds me of a similar push back i've been privy to. i had the privilege of having a few email exchanges with Noam Chomsky a few years ago. He's an amazing, kind and caring Man. We were sharing some personal stuff and He told me that when He was younger, He decided He was going to be more religious than His father. Noam is Jewish, and this occurred when He was only 13 at the time of Bar Mitzvah. Both of Noam's parents taught at Yeshiva, essentially Jewish religious university. He told me that about a week into the process, He decided religion was not for Him. i am in awe that a 13 year old had the substance and presence of mind to make such a decision, which He has maintained His entire life. Interesting to me that Jewish culture has maintained the centuries old tradition that adulthood happens at 13 (puberty?).

i sorta hate apps that use texting, not sure i've ever successfully hooked with anyone using that format? The apps that use more detailed messages along the lines of emails work better for me. To me, shallow, cursory, exchange is incumbent to the texting format. i'm bemused by guys who are trying to find "the love of their life" or "ltr" using a texting app. i pretty much avoid text apps because i want more than they offer. i feel similarly about apps that have little to no profile. i see a profile as a way of putting a slice of your self out there. i am similarly bemused by guys with empty or simplistic profiles. To me what they are presenting is, well, "empty or simplistic." Unless that is what you are looking for, it doesn't seem to serve connection. i wonder if a lot of these guys are just hoping that someone else will do the work, take the risk of initiation and subsequent conversation? Personally, i want to connect, so i look for someone who gives as much as they want to get. If all they give is an empty profile, i won't be contacting them because they are essentially invisible to me. if they contact me with "sup" and no profile (or a non descriptive profile), they'll get an equally banal response from me. So, from me, i only initiate with guys who have put some substance into their profile, and i respond to something of their self that they have put into that profile vs a generic greeting.

i was in a traditional marriage relationship (with a woman) for 31 years. It wasn't all hell or heaven, but it was foundationally flawed since i am gay and bottom and she was straight, unaccepting and bottom. my story is all over this site in detail and in pieces, so i will spare the gory details. Briefly, i married because of religious and heteronormative cultural conditioning. Processing out of that conditioning was tough, but it was also the source of much of my understanding and insight into life. One thing i learned is how to find, identify and examine the status quo. So many of our ideas and standards of "relationships" are affected and influenced by dominant , non inclusive, culture. Some of those influences are blatantly apparent, others are subtle and under the radar. With that history, i have not been able to find a "relationship" with a Man since divorcing in 2008. i think that is mostly due to the fact that i am approaching relationship with all of the above and more. i'm not new to relationship, i may know too much lol. Ideally, i would want (need?) similar person. Has not happened. i don't rule it out, but don't agonize over it either. i get my "relationships" in pieces with many guys, and wonder if that is not the more realistic approach? Even if i found one Man where we had a lot of chemistry and mutual bonding points, i don't believe anyone can be everything to another. i think a lot of gay guys have discovered that in open relationship.

We're all individual, eh? Like a few others who have responded, i am the opposite of the OP. For me, ideally, the only orgasm i want is my Tops. Him wanting to keep me from having an orgasm by penis stimulation makes the connection deeper to me, and brings out the sub in my psychology. i see myself as total bottom first, and sub secondarily. For me, the more a Man wants to restrict my orgasm from penis stimulation, the more that energy and need for orgasm/release gets directed towards His orgam and release into me, and the more His orgasm becomes mine. When a guy wants to see or make me cum using my penis, to me, he is not being "Top," and i am not being "total bottom." To me, it devolves into 'role play,' which i do not want because which i perceive that as unreal, pretend, acting. This stuff is real to me, so it violates my sense of self to do something against my nature. That can get tricky, because i do have sub in my make up. i have submitted to guys and done things that they wanted because they used my sub side to get what they wanted. As i see it, they didn't really get to the point of total submission, which i see as them having deep control, possession, etc.. They got my obedience, but not the root, the core, of who i am. i avoid that kind of guy because i feel i am lying, being untrue to both of us, i'd rather go without than do that.

The use of qualifiers like "some" vs. use of qualifiers like "always" is an effort to avoid inference of "universal standard," but ultimately, one cannot control how a reader takes what is written. i agree, generally speaking, "a phone is pretty much...decontextualized," but would disagree that it can be simultaneously "pretty much" and "totally." The use of the qualifier "totally" seems to turn that into a "universal standard," and that may lack "creative imagination" and "emotional generosity." On the other hand, this thread is about the "etiquette of rejecting someone on Grindr." To me, that gives "context" to this discussion. i don't believe this discussion is about "random" text messages, but about guys on a gay site ("Grindr"), that has "specific" purpose. i copied this from the Grindr site: "Our Mission: Connect queer people with one another and the world." "Take this as sign that you need to expand your creative imagination and your emotional generosity...Laugh, shrug, nod, or whatever helps. but don't judge others by your own experiences" Maybe consider following your own advice.

i agree with those who recommend communication. There are different forms of communication, but i still believe if one is not communicating, they are relying on presumption or guessing. i think there are general meanings to the terms we use, like "Dom" or "sub" or ___________,. Communication provides a more detailed definition. i think a key here is what Your wrote: "Although I am a top, I want to be sure the bottom is having a good time too." Apparently, You want to know what pleases him, so asking makes the most sense to me. Personally, i'm one of those who gets erect when i'm turned on, but my needs and desires are individual, not a universal standard, and the Man i am with will only know those if we communicate in some way. If a Man shows interest in my penis, i get turned off, my perception is Men have a Cock, i don't. If He is hole obsessed and expresses His desires and needs to penetrate and breed me, i get hard as a rock. Depending on what He likes, He can ignore it, affectionately make fun of it, or stimulate it in some way that ramps me up, but does not give me release. If He wants to connect with me, He will find a way to make it clear He has a cock and i do not. The only Cock i have is not attached to me psychologically, the only Cock i have is the one a Top penetrates me with. Most Men are not going to know detail like that without communication. i think it's wonderful that You want to know. To me that does not negate the D/s dynamic, it potentially deepens it.

Pretty much all of my sex the first half of my life was 'public.' Receiving cock under bathroom stall walls, in a stall together, through a GH, or in a cruising park out in the open. i'm not particularly exhibitionist, and i don't know too many guys who don't enjoy watching. Where that alters is if i am with an exhibitionist Top. If He gets off on Topping me in front of others, that evokes a sub part of my nature that gets fed and loves Him all the more for it. i think for me, is the unabashed display of dominance/submission and the affirmation of both of our desires and needs. For me, that "Topping" extends to WS and other things as well. A Man breeding or pissing on me in front of others is simultaneously vulnerable, yet an extreme example of want, and the vulnerability feels safe in that mutual exercise of want and need.

i just read this after writing my two posts, i'm sorry for all the grief this has caused you. i am grateful for your openness and vulnerability in starting this thread though. There are more than a few guys in this community, casual lurkers as well as serious participants, and everything in between. i think this is a valuable discussion with topics that have effects on many. i am glad the thread is here and active. ❤️

With no delusions about ease, i think you have an opportunity to raise a child with an open and accepting attitude towards others who may be different. As a parent, you have a prominent position in your child's development, social outlook and skills. You think the idea of being a father is "wonderful," so why not be a wonderful dad as you are, not hidden away in a closet. i know. Hard. i've been there. Being open and honest about who i am was one of the most costly decisions of my life, it costs less doing it sooner than later. But it was also the best and most liberating decision i've ever made. Freedom isn't cheap, but (i think) it is worth it.

As i see it, your need to take cock and dress are more expressions of "instinct," and your inclination to "stop taking cock" is a conditioned response. i think the former are a part of who you are, the latter a socially conditioned reaction against... your very self. To which i would say: "fuck that." i speak from a place of spending the first half of my life sincerely trying to not take cock, it practically killed me before i realized that taking cock and a Mans seed are (seemingly) intrinsic expressions of who i am. Receiving a Mans cock, desire, need into myself nurtures and sustains me, for me to stop would be like giving up food... and honestly, i tried every thing i could to quit for half my life, and simply could not do it. It was a liberating epiphany for me when i realized the notion of not taking cock was wrong , ludicrous, for me. Your experience may vary.

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Reading through the responses here, find it interesting how the net and online experience is different than 'IRL'. Lol, even that acronym: "IRL" and many others, have come out of online culture. Is online not "real life?" i digress. i find it noteworthy that some ignore, or do not respond with even a few words or polite reply, because it would somehow be a gross waste of their time to acknowledge another human being who has reached out to them, Of course, they do not put it that way, nor do they likely think of it that way... i doubt the same people who do this would respond similarly IRL. i think the online experience promotes a sort of detached, drive thru experience where we have been conditioned to have it our way, have it now, or not at all. The person on the other end has become a commodity, or a service, and if they do no meet our criteria, we ignore or delete them as, not a person, but a disqualified product.

i responded to this 5 years ago and still feel/think the same way. i too hope the OP was just fantasizing and found his way. The originally proposed scenario read like a sluts Disneyesque form or suicide. i believe one can be a slut and still live the rest of life as well. Sorta take the Buddhist approach to being a slut and live in the moment.

Bout a half hour ago... yeah, me again, and my FB. i still had His load in me from 9 hours ago, and it was a big one so He didn't have to use lube. i hate to let a Man's seed go, i'm not one of those who likes to push it out... i hate to push a Man's seed out. i've slept the whole night with a Mans piss in me too. It's awesome. The next day when i peed i could smell His piss saturating my pee. Fuck, that is so amazing, it's literal impregnation with Him... or something He made with His body. Sorry, i digress. After He bred me, i followed Him into the shower and asked if He had to piss. He said "yes" and i asked if He wanted to use my mouth. He said "yes" again. So i knelt in front of Him, took His cock in my mouth and He pissed. He pissed hard. i have only drunk a Mans piss two or three times before. i loved the experience and idea, the taste was hard for me to take. i was surprised that the amount didn't overwhelm me, just the taste. But i swallowed it all. He's kind of shy and quiet, so i asked if He liked it, and He said He did, that it felt like a release... i think He did like it, well see where His mind and feelings go with it as He thinks about it. For me, the biggest thrill of taking His piss from His cock is hard to express. There's a mind fuck that happens, a sort of order that gets set in cement by the act? idk, there's a very deep submission and giving of myself to a Man to drink His piss... not just drink His piss, but hold His cock in my mouth while He pisses in me. i can still smell His piss on my breath, and i don't want to brush my teeth tonight. i am having a hard time finding words to describe how i feel, "degraded" is the only word i can think of, but there's no negative connotation associated with it. It's like we both know, and it's not just 'okay,' but sweet... and fucking HOT. Damn, i feel good.

Waking this thread up... been thinking about piss again and maybe draw my heartthrob back into the conversation 😉 There's so much to this, and You hit on many of the bonding points with me. i think a Mans seed has an actual psychological power over the bottoms brain and sense of well being. That, in a sense, His seed is a sort of drug that He can addict a bottom... to Him. This has actually been studied between men and women, not two guys, so i'm extrapolating. Piss, for me, has some unique bonds where a Top can bind me too Him, more psychological though. Some Tops like to be mean, even bullying, and use piss accordingly. To me, they mis a more powerful opportunity when they feel the need to be mean to control or elicit submission from a bottom. As i see it, one of the things a Top loves to exercise is His control. Sure, a Top might piss in my mouth and force it, and even though there is a part of me that might give in, He won't have my full submission, my heart. my fantasy of a Top who gradually, gently and even in a sneaky way, introduces me to drinking piss from His cock is so much more powerful, because He is going after all of me, not just the physically, but psychologically-mind fuck and impregnation. i don't doubt that a Top with understanding and skill could take me from a place where i'm hesitant or nervous about drinking piss from HIs cock, to begging for it. One of the things that really gets me HOT about drinking piss from a Mans cock in this way is something that can be tricky. i've called it "affectionate degradation/humiliation" in other places. A lot of nice Men shy away from that, because they are not mean and they associate it with being mean... and it can be. On the other hand, it can be deeply affirming too. i am wired to love pleasing a Man. Most Men love the feeling of relieve and release they get from pissing. Most Men love sex too. So, combining the two can nurture those two things in a Man. Lust, when fed, tends to grow. For me, when excitement and lust grow in a Top from things He is doing with me, mine grows too. And in my experience, when a Top sees my excitement and lust growing from the lusts He is exercising with me, His lust is further fueled, like stepping on the gas pedal. He can say things like: "you like being my toilet, don't you?" He can say that in a mean way, or He can also say it in a joyful, lustful way because He sees the truth of it. He has drawn a lust out of me that is real. He didn't force it, He did expose it though, and He can take a certain pride in that. The truth is, i feel proud of Him and am grateful to Him for opening me in that way, and really loving what He has done and the part of me He has exposed. There's all sorts of parts He may have as a Top that might get fed. For instance, He might be an exhibitionist and He could get off on a scenario like were having a dinner party with friends and He announces to me and our guests that He has a treat for them. He calls me over and asks in front of our (gay and understanding) guests: "you like to drink My piss from My cock, don't you?" When i answer shyly, but excitedly "yes," He takes it to the next step and asks: "so you love being my toilet, don't you? you are proud to be my toilet?" i may be blushing big time, but i am also sooo turned on by His obvious excitement as a Top and Exhibitionist, that it's like He has a leash and collar on me and i am happily taking a walk with Him as i answer: "i do." He then states: "I need to piss, will You please help me out?" And i'd likely go to my knees as He lowers His jeans and i take His cock in my mouth and drink His piss from His cock. But so much more is happening than me drinking His piss. There is a deep affirmation happening between both of us... in front of witnesses.

idk, etiquette is an evolving thing. i think online can really bring out the self absorbed asshole in some people. Too blunt? lol my take is, if someone approaches you politely, it's good to take a few seconds to acknowledge their effort. i'm happy to see that the majority so far have voted for some sort of honest, polite reply. If walking down the street someone smiled and said "hi," would you ignore them? Would you make the effort to build a wall between you and that person? But for some reason, online has changed simple courtesy.

15 minutes ago. Yep, same sweet FB. Was outside doing work on some pavers i put in on my parkway. Came in and checked my phone, He had texted me an hour earlier. i told Him i could be ready after showering, and He told me He could make it on the way to the doctor (orthopedist), but it would have to be a "quickie." That doesn't bother me in the least. When i have a regular FB, i tend to get something akin to addicted to Him. i really think there is something to the study that demonstrated semen in hetero relationships affects the brain center sense of well being. i think it's true with gays also, the gut is definitely absorptive. Even if it's just psychological, i love having a FB, and yeah, His energy, cock, orgasm and cum feel like a 'fix' to me, just has this effect. Receiving a Mans orgasm is so much better than having one of my own. Fuck, i feel good.

For me, a big part of my 'bottom nature' is being the receiver for a Tops lust, need. Doing something to myself on cam feels like me trying to top myself, even if there's a guy on the other end watching and wanting it, it just doesn't work for me. On the other hand, i can be turned on by a voyeur and by an exhibitionist. As i am, i perceive both of those as "Top" attributes and am attracted to Men who want that in interaction with me. E.g., a Top who gets off on breeding me in front of others, or gets off on seeing me bred by others are both turn ons for me. i think some guys are able to get this desire me just through cam, but i need the physical presence as well. If a Top want's to cam these things in person, I'm game, but that's different to me than being in a room alone performing.

You describe the perfect Top (to me). This energy corresponds to my own and draws it like a magnet. Your comment about "merely a glance" makes me think of an experience i've written about on BZ before. i was driving down a busy road in Portsmouth VA several years ago, in my beat up truck. A Guy pulled up next to me, "glanced" over and made eye contact as He passed and pulled in front of me. i followed Him. He turned into a Burger King parking lot, walked into the restaurant and into the mens room. i followed. Once in the mens room, He locked the door behind us and wordlessly pulled my jeans down and bent me over. He unzipped and spat on His cock and on my hole, slid in and bred me, pulled out zipped up and left. All without a word. i had to scramble to lock the door behind Him so i could pull my jeans up from around my ankles, hole gaped and dripping His seed. Guess He had that super power.

lol, You make a great argument for shape shifting.