If you are planning on meeting someone you're taking to on line it's easy for the talk to get ahead of itself and then its hard to live up to the pressure of the expectations (this is why old fashioned cursing and bath house sex can be better- it just happens without getting hopes up too much). Find out what you both like or at least what interests both of you. Then if you plan on meeting maybe put on the table you might only want to do oral on the first meet and see how it goes with the option for more. I've found that if I do that then the pressure is off and more often than not I do want to get fucked once I get naked and hard and relaxed vs. just meeting someone and taking it right away. I don't mean to sound like a prude or a cock tease but if you're a beginner and you're not sure what you want just start easy with the option to go further. If you're experienced and know exactly what you want this does not necessarily apply :).
You could, like, use your words and actually ask, right? Or if you both talk about what you get into and then plan on meeting in their hotel room it's *probably* going to be a sex date. I had a recent "date" where he wanted to first meet somewhere nearby for coffee but at the same time it was clear it was for sex - he just felt safer meeting in public and talking for a few minutes before jumping in. We had coffee, we jumped in right after and it was great :).