tallslenderguy

i like subtle

i think it's cool to see how some mutate between then and now in some of these re awakened threads. i've never had an "ideal" relationship with a Man. i suspect ideal anything is more of a notion than a reality. i think some people manage to find more ideal than not, and so it works more than not and sustains. Some of my more emotionally satisfying experiences with Men has been with Fuck Buddies. To me, a FB is just a variation of an open relationship. Sort of a "let us be lovers..." without the "marry our fortunes together" part. I've long fantasized over having a relationship with a Man living in the same neighborhood or on the same block where my back door (yep, that's a double entendre) is always open to Him. One of my "ideals" is we're always there (sexually) for each other. i imagine waking in the middle of the night to Him pushing His cock into me because He needed to fuck. Of course, for that to be a reality, some practical considerations would have to be modified, if not totally tossed out the window. For instance, the big one, clean out. The notion of spontaneous sex with a guaranteed pristine hole is a pure fantasy, yet that's pretty much all that's ever presented in movies, etc.. E.g., if i have a date with a Guy, and we go to dinner, i'm gonna be thinking and nervous about eating. The sex drive is fickle and often less than predictable. Online has changed the way we have sex. Before online, we either fantasized and jerked off, sometimes with the added stimulation of pictures, or we went out and cruised and got sex IRL. A lot of what used to happen IRL happens virtually now. A big thing that is missing is visual/tonal communication. We do not get that online. Sure, we get a few pics (taken in ideal circumstances ten years ago, or so fuzzy you cannot tell what your gettting), but pics are a frozen moment in time. Versus gazing at another as they are 'IRL.' i wonder how much of an issue Sharpe-edge (or any of us) would have with 'warm up' if we didn't have smart phones and apps in the mix?

They are not being tested for in a drug test.

i think this is a great topic for discussion. i'm convinced that the need for love is a common thread that binds all humans together (bear with me lol). i think one of the primary components of "love" is the need/desire to be 'seen' and 'heard," then valued and affirmed. i think this is an underlying emotional drive we guys have and a lot of men use sex to try and meet that need/desire for "love" (using that basic definition). Most guys grow up culturally conditioned against emotion. The stereotype is: "men are rational, women are emotional." i think in some ways that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, but not a reflection of reality. i worked in the male dominated executive corporate world for most of my life, and i have seen a lot of emotional decisions desguised by rationale. i think a lot of the conditioning we receive against feeling/emotions does not make us any less emotional, but leaves us at a disadvantage. I.e., we have feelings and need to be aware and learn how to live with them, not deny or cover them up. Telling our self stuff like: "there are plenty of other guys out there," or "everyone has different tastes" is true, but it doesn't change the sting of feeling rejected, that basic need we all have to be seen, heard, affirmed, valued. i think one of the things gay guys have figured out as a work around is anonymous sex venues like arcades with glory holes and dark rooms, as an example. We remove the visual element that so often is associated with acceptance or rejection. In a (true) dark room, you cannot tell things like age or 'beauty.' i'm not visually attracted to certain 'types' (who the hell knows why?), but i have been bred by more of those 'types' than i can count by being face down and blindfolded lol. I've even developed deep affection for FB's that i can sort of sense by feel that i would not find attractive visually, but because i never saw them, that was not a factor and i was able to experience other parts of them that i did find emotionally attractive, along with the sex. i rejected my self for much of my life. Like so many or us, i grew up in a (religious i my case) culture that conditioned me to reject who and how i am. But my self rejection did not change the fact of who and how i am, or the needs and desires that accompanied that. my coping mechanism was anonymous sex. i think that's true about a lot of us. i don't think it's necessarily ideal, but it worked and kept a part of me alive that would have suffered a lot more had i not had it.

Last night. My FB. He texted me Saturday, but by the time i was done at the gym and saw His message... it was too late 😞 He said: "maybe tomorrow," so i prepped just in case so i'd be ready if He texted and He did. If you've been following my posts here, you've read that lately i've been wearing lacey, frilly stuff for Him. He doesn't say much, but His profile where i met Him states He likes "lingerie." I don't dress in stuff like that on my own, but admit that if i know it turns a Man on, it does surface something in me that is not there independently? Or so it seems. And the times i have, He got down right primal on me. Which, honestly, is always an element, just seemed more so when i was wearing. One of the times He totally tore the back out of a pair of lace panties to get to me, and that made e feel pretty damned conquered and then some. It was an awesome fuck. Last night i asked when He texted if He wanted me to wear something. i don't want to presume, but He's kinda quiet and shy except when He's fucking, then He can be a wild Man. He responded: "surprise me." Fuck. Reading between the lines, i took that as He wanted me to wear something. Okay, this is embarrassing to write, but i love the intense gotta fuck and breed energy in a Man, drives me wild and frankly opens and brings out the primal slut in me. After His response to what i wore last time, i went online and bought this really frilly pink thing with bows and like a 3 inch pink skirt. It had a little pouch to hide my penis and two straps like a jock, except thin. i like those better than a thong, don't want anything in the way of my hole lol, though a thong does feel pretty damned sexy. The other part of this was it was a garter belt. fuck. i got these black fishnet stockings to go with it. i felt totally embarrassed dressing in this thing. i'm tall and skinny and do not pass as pretty for a second. i look like a guy in women lingerie. i was lying on my bed wearing this ass up when He came in. He went wild and jumped on me saying: "I like." He didn't say a lot, but He was mauling my ass, and was obviously into it. i got a couple of loads before He left. Wtf? i love how He acted and how it made me feel. i don't get it. i have not frame of reference for it, but yeah, wow. Couple hours latter i could feel His load leaking out of my hole. i never like to lose a Mans seed, i scrambled to finger it back in... smelled so good, i wiped my wet finger under my nose... better than poppers.

i'm one of those who said "no." i don't have a 'cock,' just wired to receive cock... i don't use a dildo either. Like a few others who have responded, i do not have the inclination of a Top, all the needs and desires that go with wanting/needing to penetrate and seed another are missing. All my testosterone is plumbed into my holes and my drives and needs are receptive.

i've seen a few vids like this. Honestly, has a profound effect on me. The energy of that gesture is sooo D/s for me, expressing and asserting Top/bottom. It happens in a moment of victory or accomplishment, and the Man doing the fingering is asserting a sort of ownership, taking possession of the victor. Lol, i may over think, but that's how it feels to me.

Oh yeah, then there's this:

i wondered some of this stuff as well: Is the guy being fucked married to a woman or a man? Are they in an open relationship? None of that is stated. If he is cheating and lying, he may already have that eating at him, or maybe he's ignorant and thinks he can cheat and still avoid the STD risk? Who knows, there's lots of guys out there who really act on that notion. Our sex drive is a strong thing. Also, gay relationships can be different, i've had more than a few long term FB's who i fell for in a sense, even if it didn't qualify as a standardly defined relationship, it was still a relationship i valued on an emotional level. my own belief is, lying and deception make for a fake relationship, or at least a partial, fragmented one. i do not think it is right, let alone worth it. To me, every time we lie about who we are, and subsequently cheat, we are what is wrong with society. We can only control our self, i don't know anyone who values being lied to or cheated, i sure don't, so it makes sense to me not to be that person. Anyone here who knows my story knows i was in a religious web for many years, married to a woman and cheated with Men, i felt rotten every time i cheated and hated myself for it. It cost me everything to become an honest person, but it's so worth it. It sucks feeling rejected, or not even considered because i put "undetectable" in all my online profiles, but to me, it beats the alternative.

But... Had You lied and you were both still having sex, things would be different than they have been. You would always know/have known that the man You were breeding wasn't accepting You into himself, but some 'sanitized' version of what 'should' be vs what is, I.e, what You had would have been false, a lie, vs true.

Nah... i think You are right to live honestly. Sex is one of the most intimate connections two people can have, lying about who and how You are takes that element away. This guy is now having to face who and how he is and decide if he wants reality and honesty or some Disney notion. Risk is part of the equation of human connection, denying that or lying about it doesn't make it less so. i would not rule him out yet. he may just be facing reality for the first time and wrestling with this. It's possible that he will end up missing and wanting what you two have and growing and changing as a result, becoming more honest and real vs living and acting in denial about the risks involved in living as a man with his particular needs and wants.

i don't know if you so much "need guidance" on how to do this as possibly whether or not you really want to. LAMO at hungry_hole's suggestion of an eHarmony account. Following the implied idea of a "cumdump" is a cum dumpster. A dumpster or trash can is not choosy or selective, Oh sure, there are those recycling bins that try to get users to only deposit select refuse, but those aren't really dumpsters, eh? i think being a cum dumpster is more a state of mind than a methodology. Honestly, i think the term "dump" doesn't really fit because i think a Mans seed is precious stuff, and my read of most bottoms is they feel similarly. i've picked more than a few used condoms off the floor at seedy fuck joints and emptied their contents into my hole. i cringe at porn or the idea of a Man spilling His seed on the outside of a warm bottom. What a fucking waste (literally lol). That said, there's lots on this site about being an 'ethical slut.' To me, that involves getting on PreP if you're neg, or staying undetectable and on meds if you are poz. And, otherwise, getting checked routinely for STD's . To me, it is neither negative or irresponsible to have sex, that's a cultural construct used to control. The notion of "making sure ppl are negative" is part of that construct. The only person you can make sure is negative is you. If society fostered that attitude instead of trying to control everyone else, STD's would not be stigmatized and would likely be less. We can catch a disease going to the grocery store or using a public drinking fountain, but there is no stigma attached to shopping or getting a drink of water. Sex? Not so much.

Probably many of us here would say you haven't had complete sex when you used condoms. To me, sex with a condom is foreplay at best. From my perspective, restricting sex with condoms is 'doomed." You say: "i never bb...." To my way of thinking, this is the first time you've had sex (i.e., when you barebacked).

Ha, that goes along with the essence of what i feel perfectly. it makes a perfect, hot sense to me that mine goes soft when i have a Man's hard 'tool' inside of me... yet another expression of oneness in a yin/Yang dynamic.

i get rock hard when a Man wants to fuck and breed me. If he shows any interest in my penis, it goes soft. If He shows desire for my hole, it gets hard. Whlle getting fucked just physically, it goes soft. While getting mind fucked, it gets hard. i have a meter, not a 'tool.'

Your country seems to be gay friendly on paper, but the culture doesn't seem to have evolved to that ideal. Once you are finished with your medical education, have you considered moving to a more gay friendly place? There was a doctor where i work. i realized i had not seen him for a few months and then came back to work one day an she was back. She had transitioned (mtf) and worked at the hospital where she had been known as a male for several years. She was accepted... people bent over backwards to show acceptance, and those who did not, kept silent. Being in an environment where you feel compelled to hide is "harm." If your friend is gay, it seems evident to me that even though he is 12 years older and established, he still may not feel safe enough to be 'uncloseted.' i do not think your question is 'why you feel like this." You're gay and attracted to men. The challenge seems more that you don't feel free to express who and how you are. i don't think that all has to do with being gay. Straight people also risk rejection when expressing their feelings, but that don't have the added layer or potential stigma of being gay.

We have a few things in common. i too work on healthcare, i'm a critical care nurse in a teaching hospital. Despite being in a position that is stereotyped as "gay" (i.e., male nurse), most of the male nurses i know and work with art straight. sigh. If feels like i have been flirted with from more than a few residents though (probably wishful thinking on my part). i have been hit on by a few women doctors and nurses though. They are always surprised when i tell them i'm gay. i've been at this hospital for 8 years, you'd think it would have gotten around by now that: "paul is gay," but apparently not. The truth is, if one is not obviously (or what is stereotyped as) gay, people will not truly know unless we tell them. i imagine, in part, women do not feel threatened by gay men like they might straight men. I.e., they never have to worry about us only being interested in them so we can get into their panties. Not to say that is "the" reason, but maybe 'a' reason? Gay people grow up in a heteronormative world. Heteronormativity is like an iceberg, some of it floats on the surface and is seen, some of it below the surface, unseen, but it is still there. You have been culturally conditioned (we all have, straights, gays, etc., etc.) But straights don't usually question those things, instead, they call that "normal." Which is part of that below the surface iceberg. Our notions of "normal," right and "wrong" are often culturally conditioned from an early age. Reality it, you do have "a big secret." It's sad you have reasons for that, but you do have a secret that is "big" to you and would be to others as well. That is still a social reality, eh? Yeah, maybe, but we don't know unless we ask, eh? For instance, how do you see your friend? i'm assuming he is single? Not with a woman? If you see yourself as suspiciously "asexual" or "the closeted gay" as a "forever" thing at age 24, how much more so at age 36? Yeah, sorry, i don't mean to come off as one who doesn't use descriptors. i'm grateful for them and use those terms as part of communication all the time. i identify as a "gay, total bottom with some sub thrown in." And, i can trace all those elements back as young as age 7 (retrospectively). So, i'd have to raise my hand when talking about people who's sexuality has remained the same their whole life. It's grown, changed, become more complex, but the basics are the same. It would seem both of you have deep reasons for having this kind of attraction. To me, deep emotional needs/wants are the basis of what are commonly called "kinks." i do think a lot of people manage to disconnect their need/want from their conscious mind, sort of disconnecting their need/want from their "kink" (which to me is a normative term used to label those who are different than the 'norm'). I.e., we have a need/want that we've been conditioned to see as abnormal, because it's different. Yeah, no risk or vulnerablity in that, is there? And i do not think it odd that you are more "intrigued about him letting [you] know him better." The more you know his deep stuff, the more vulnerable he becomes. The less he knows about your deep stuff, the less vulnerable you are. i have this ongoing fantasy that gets transferred from Man to Man over the years. Him meeting me in some hallway and pushing me up against a wall and kissing me passionately. And you can find similar fantasies all over BZ. It's not unusual for us to want to be known and wanted without all the risk that seems to usually accompany getting there. xx

i've taken more anonymous cock than not, often am face down when being penetrated and fucked. my guess is, under those circumstances, no one would be able to tell the difference in cocks. It's the idea with all the baggage that comes with it that makes the difference, not the actual "black dick." When it comes to sex, i have no desire to be the "first" for anyone.

i don't believe you are "overthinking." You're a gay man in a less than accepting world. Just because there are laws that protect gays, and 'things are changing,' does not mean there won't always be people who have some degree of dislike, or even hate, for gay people. Maybe some gay people have only gay friends because they want to feel free to be who they are without the concerns or fears that can be there in general society where there's a mix of everything. You can "just be" you, but that will always come with risks and rewards. That's true about everyone, to some degree, eh? The question is not whether or not you can be you, the question is whether you are willing to take the risk of being open? Conversely, when we hide who we are, we are paying the cost of being unknown, invisible to some degree. i doubt it's "just" you. i think most men are sexual. Just because you're gay doesn't mean that changes, just mean the direction your sex drive takes is towards men instead of women. i think your feeling are perfectly natural, after all, you are gay. Speculating, i subscribe to the spectrum idea of human sexuality, so as much as it might make it simpler if we could just identify everyone in nice neat categories like "gay, straight, bi, etc.," the reality is, there are infinite variations of human sexuality. He has already told you he likes the dad/son relationship. When you pointed out the age difference, he changed it to big/little brother. Both of those are pretty common kinks, and whether or not it ventures into being gay, you already know you both like that. As 'tough' as he likes to be, if he is gay, he (so far) hasn't taken the risk of telling you. And you have not taken the risk of telling him. A universal truth is, when it comes to risk, it's not uncommon for people to want someone else to go first. It's called "being vulnerable" for a reason.

A few minutes ago.Some real advantages to hosting a regular FB at home. my sweet Latino Muscle Top FB. He's doesn't talk much, or share what He likes, so i have to guess, don't wanna make Him feel awkward. Last time He was here i wore a pair of net open back panty things, idk, another FB got them for me, but it definitely brought some animal out in Him. Not one to wear stuff like that on my own, but will definitely wear it if my Top likes it. His profile on the site where we met says He likes panties and lingerie, so i dug a pair of black lace panties out of a drawer where i've collected such things. Not wanting to impede penetration, i cut a slit in the back. He sorta growled when He came in and i was ready and was ass up as always, wearing them. He had no trouble getting in... never does, i'm pretty accessable, but wow, it really brought the beast out in Him He was kissing me all over my back, which drives me wild, and He was pounding me like He was trying to get the tip of His cock to come out of my mouth. He spanked me quite a bit and ended up tearing the back out of the panties and mauling my ass. Fuck, He is the sweetest fucker, He never gets old. Pretty sure i have about a gallon of pre cum in me, He always leaves me sloppy, but i can feel the slippery feel of His seed when i move my legs. Fucking awesome. the panties brought the machismo out in Him, after He was telling em how the women He fucks are half my size, but He still conquers my hole and leaves me marked.

Getting shingles is how i learned i am HIV poz. It wasn't a fun disease, and for me was probably opportunistic related to my compromised immune system because of HIV. It took about 6 weeks to resolve and was hard to diagnose. At first the suspicion was appendicitis, or some intestinal issue because of the symptoms. i eventually developed a rash, but it was minimal, just a few spots. i got on HIV meds immediately and once i became undetectable, my immune system butyl back up and i have not had and issue since. There is a lot of ignorance about vaccines. To me, especially after becoming a nurse, they are the best medicine we have in healthcare. Vaccines waken and employ the bodies immune response vs other interventions where we directly try to kill the disease with a drug. Our bodies are the smartest doctor we will ever have. The drugs we use to directly combat a disease have side effects and are an after the fact response we use once we are sick. Vaccines are preventative medicine.

i don't think any relationship should be based on a static rule. Life is fluid. Which is not to say i don't believe in guiding principles or that i have anything against monogamy. i think if it happens, it should happen because both parties are continually wanting it, not because a rule was made that both now have to obey and force the relationship into. Open, honest communication, to me, is a better foundation for relationship than a rule like monogamy. Lying and cheating often happens because of broken rules, rules that one found at some point they didn't want to, or couldn't keep, for myriad reasons. There's a part of me that likes the idea of monogamy, but when i look at it more closely, it's not so much monogamy that appeals to me, but factors associatied with monogamy. E.g., long term connection with one person with the incumbent opportunities for deeper relationship. But that is something that can be had with a FB.

found this on Amazon [think before following links] https://www.amazon.com/Digital-Camouflage-Cotton-Military-Fabric/dp/B06XXJFDN3/ref=sr_1_7?keywords=Army+Camo+Fabric&qid=1668864274&sr=8-7

Since i made it up, probably most people would have no clue about it.

i'm only one person, and there are lots of views scattered on BZ regarding this topic. With that preface.... To me, it depends on whether or not the woman you are in relationship with knows and your relationship is open. As a formerly married guy (to a woman), i don't recommend cheating and lying. my own story is all over this site, but the short version is i grew up religious, and while i knew from an early age that i am attracted to Men, i didn't accept that and tried to change and be straight, Didn't work. i'm not even Bi, i'm full on total bottom gay lol. What helped me finally accept that fact was years of trying to not have sex or attraction to Men. i was married 5 years before i had my first sex with a Man. i separated after, thinking, this is how i am. But it wasn't that easy for me and 6 months later i got back with my wife thinking i had "gotten it our of my system." Nope, this is a part of me and i learned through a lot of hard times that i literally need to be with a Man. That's me. i know Bi people who can pull it off with just one person and seem to be content and fulfilled, but i'm not Bi, so that was never an option for me. Thing is, i cheated and lied to have sex with Men. i spent a hugh portion of my life on the DL. my story is not uncommon, religion has hurt a lot of gay guys, i'm just one of them. Your reasons are Your own and ultimately only You can answer this question. i hated myself every time i had sex with a Man when i was married. i hated the lies and the cheating. It ate away at me like cancer. While i was having sex, it was sweet because i needed that connection with a Man, but how i was getting it was destructive to me, my former wife and our relationship. i don't recommend doing that for what seems obvious reasons (i.e., lying and cheating). If, on the other hand, You are doing this openly and honestly... Hell yeah!! There is obviously a part of You that needs/wants to breed a man and there is nothing wrong with that, it is a part of Who and how You are. Sadly, You too are likely victim of cultural standards, but You do not have to be. Personally, i would recommend You do this in a way that You can be true and honest and get the full benefit of being and exercising Who You are. i know, that has a price, but in my experience, it is well worth it. i approached my former wife about an open relationship, she was religious and it was a hard "no" from her. Frankly, i told her of my attraction to Men before we married, but at that time we both thought that was a choice one could make, and that sex between two men was "sin." We divorced in 2008, and it was like a huge weight was lifted. i had peace for the first time in my life, and that has not changed to this day. i love my freedom to be who and how i am and would not ever go back or trade that for a situation where i have to lie or cheat to get what i need. i wish You the best, that cock deserves a bottoms hole.