tallslenderguy

Maybe, and maybe not, not drawing a universal conclusion from my personal experience, but i think it can be an added factor in the equation that the dominant culture of many of our childhoods left out. it's speculative and your experiences were different from mine. One of the first bullies in my life, at 7 years old, introduced me to the enema nozzle. Our relationship was mixed, sometimes He was friendly, other times mean and a bully. But He was obviously excited when He explained to me what an enema nozzle was for and where it went, and i was just as excited from a receptive position. Neither of us had a clue about sex at that age, but that didn't mean we were not wired as sexual beings. i don't think our sexuality can be separated from the rest of who we are. Conquering armies raping both men and women comes to mind. There are plenty of ways to humiliate and subjugate, yet some employ sex as well and i do not believe it's a solely clinical act, even when mixed with establishing pecking order.

To add to my above response: i think it can be argued that, in humans, the pleasure imperative for sex generally outweighs the procreation imperative, in volving both innate drive as well as cognitive and emotional volition, and none of those are gender dependent,

i don't think it's "the exact same dilemma." i think Men and Women are psychosexually wired differently and LGBTQ people land somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. i also think cultural conditioning plays a big role in attitudes beyond anatomy and physiology. One of the things i find funny about nature is how every sex organ also has the dual purpose off 'waste' removal. A vagina is not exempt in that respect since a woman has about a 21 day menses cycle, that is sort of like a 24 hour, 7 day bowel movement where her body is sloughing off the wall of her womb. There are guys and women who will fuck even when she has her period, and there are guys who will fuck each other au natural as well. Neither is physiologically impossible, but is affected by ones tolerance for blood or feces. To me, a cock and cunt are much more than physical organs, they are psychosexual disposition, state of being. For me a "Top/Dom's" finger, or dildo or attitude can all be expressions of HIs "cock," and things like insemination and impregnation go beyond even the evolutionary demand of making a baby.

Yes and no? You were a kid in a society where both being a faggot and wanting a faggot were vilified. i was also one of those kids bullied, a lot. Coming to terms with that as an adult was confused and drawn out because i was also conditioned by fundamentalist 'christian' culture. Fundamentalists adopted disproved Freudian notions that gay people are the result of bullies and 'bad' parenting (i.e., a dominant mom and submissive dad). what i have come to understand is there are Tops and bottoms (and everything in between), and guys who like guys. i've always been a bottom who loves guys and can clearly trace all my childhood crushes as far back as 6 or 7 years old. i can also look back and see what a faggot i was. i think i naturally attracted gay Top boys who were just as conditioned against who they were as i was. Not to mention we were all kids and didn't know anything anyway. i think a lot of my bullies were simply immature gay Top/Dom boys who were stuck in and affected by the same rejecting and destructive culture. Prolly a lot of them were conflicted and unhappy about how they were and felt too. By the time i was about 13, i'd learned to hide the faggot that i am, conform outwardly, built the proverbial "closet." But i have never changed inwardly. Now when a Man calls me a faggot, especially with love and affection because He too is accepting His desires and needs, it's affirming.

Great interview [think before following links] https://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/2022/03/01/1083702917/fresh-air-for-march-1-2022-how-russias-invasion-of-ukraine-changes-the-world-as?showDate=2022-03-01

i think that, even though we tend to fit loosely and identify i groups, sex is ultimately individual. i don't think it's "selfish" to have a specific desire or need, that is universal reality. i think selfishness is forcing Your desire on another without considering them and their desire/need. Read the threads on BZ long enough and You will find bottoms who "prefer [You] licking/lub and sticking [Your] dick inside." You will also find those who want/need You to finger and open them first. If it's a central or important factor for You, i suggest You put info like that in Your profile when looking for sex. Same with shorter people. i think there are many things we will never figure out or understand about how we are wired sexually, so to me it's about learning how to live with who and how we are in the best way we can. Sex involves a partner/s. For me, sex is about connecting with another human being. That's not true for everyone, for some, it's just about using another for their pleasure. Personally, i look for symbiosis, where there is mutual benefit vs exploitation. i fucking love the times, that almost seem magical to me, when i connect with a Man and for a time it's like we are one. i want to facilitate and nurture that dynamic, so communication is important to me and the process. The more specific needs/desires you have/express, the quantity goes down, but i think the 'quality' goes up. And, the "quantity' may be negligible depending on the need. E.g., i think most bottoms are gonna be fine with lick and stick and would prefer it over no sex at all. The quality may not be a great, but sometimes fast food will suffice when there's not a gourmet meal to be found.

History is replete with examples of autocratic, narcissistic bullies being in charge of countries. It seems we pay the most attention to those who impact us directly or indirectly, yet we have several around the world right now. Off the cuff, Xi Jinping (China) and Kim Jong-un (N. Korea) come to mind. Chinas dictator has more power resources than dictatorships like N. Korea, and they have grabbed countries in similar moves as Putin: Tibet comes to mind. China's dictators are also currently committing genocide against the Uyghur people in N. China. Putin is in the spotlight and he is currently indulging his sick and self absorbed agenda at humanities expense. One of his predecessors, Stalin, killed 25 million 'Soviet' people during his reign of terror (vs Hitlers 8 million during his reign). i think democracies work better than autocracies/dictatorships where fewer people are involved in the selection process. It's not because i believe 'the people' are always or generally smart and realistically informed, rather i think the higher the number of people involved in making the choice/s, the harder it is for the few who want power to influence/control the outcome. It seems to me people tend to join groups that appear to represent their strongest individual emotional interest/s, sort of like giving/taking loads in a dark room, except with politics, the consequences can be nuclear vs STD. i voted for Joe Biden, not because i like him or would ever have chosen him to represent me. He doesn't. i remember watching the democratic debates and thinking there were several people i would have chosen from, but i do not think we are really given that choice. i think those with lots of money buy our 'choices' for us. Joe wasn't on my short or long list lol. For all his weaknesses and flaws though, i can't see Joe ever doing something like Putin or Hitler did, but it's not hard for me to imagine Trump doing something similar given the opportunity. He pretty much shows his hand with his comments showing obviously admiration for Putin. i think these people are cut from similar cloth and the world would be better off without that fabric covering us. Whatever the reasons, even if it's just plain "weakness" (as some purport), i'd rather have weak people like Joe in charge than supposedly "strong" people like Putin. i don't think people like Putin are "strong," i think they are bullies, and i think they do a lot of large scale harm, they never leave the world in better condition than they found it. Not that i think most leaders on either side of the coin do, to me it's about minimizing their power, not feeding it.

Agreed. i think we are talking about two schoolyard bullies, cut from the same cloth, self absorbed, narcissists without a care for anyone or anything but their own distorted sense of self grandizement. The lack of maturity and simple humanity is some world 'leaders' is stunning. Of course, school yard bullies don't have armies or nuclear weapons to employ, and invading a country and killing people is what we get from aged bullies. The deception that still holds humanity captive is that a small minority can control the majority of humanity in its own destruction.

my heart is breaking over the Ukraine. i do not think most people want violence in their lives. i do not understand why humanity continues to follow the orders of violent people, why we allow them control. We have amazing resources on this planet, intelligence, treasure and sources of pleasure beyond imagination. Yet humanity continues to squander those precious resources on making weapons and on destroying what we have based on the whims of insane 'leaders.'

i do. i have no desire to be with a man who doesn't wanna be with me just as much, and i want as much connection as i can get.

The simple answer is, i won't. i won't let someone harm me. If i even perceive a bully or force, it shuts down any desire in/from me. i see sex as a connection, not an assault. i can internalize my penis when it's flaccid without issue. It never occurred to me that one could penetrate that space... i don't think it's even possible, but i connect to and am turned on by a Mans desire/need to penetrate, so the idea, at least, evoked the bottom in me.

i know a Man who gets very turned on pushing my penis in to my pelvis, internalizing it like i don't have one at all, then He wants me to pee that way. He also wants to fuck it? While i love His lust, i would not think that possible?

Wow, yet another great discussion on BZ. i love this place/culture. i've come to a place in my journey where i have no problems examining and questioning authority or the norm. Which came first, people or language? i think it's the former. Then we developed language as a means of connecting with others, sharing our thoughts and feelings. What i find with many who speak with authority, or an authoritative attitude, is they are usually speaking from an ego/ethnocentric position vs evidence based. Any honest scientist will tell you that evidence is the best we know or can determine right now. One of my favorite parts of what i consider a legitimate study is the honest disclaimer: "further studies are needed." People come up with terms like "straight, bi, gay, etc., ad infinitum" to try and convey a state of being. i think where we fail is when we think we can simplify the complex with a few words or labels. i think we get more connection when we continually look and listen, see and hear vs labeling a person and relating to that label instead of what currently is. Life, by definition is fluid, motion. Death is the cessation of movement? And, there's the question of life/energy never really ending, just changing form. Life and sexuality are infinite, multidimensional and we experience it somewhere between a and b? When i am really needing connection with other guys and wanna receive their cock and energy and what comes out of it, prior to pandemic i would go to the ABS. i found lunch time and the time guys were getting off work to be the best times. i'm pretty sure most the guys who fucked me or who wanted to get sucked off were stopping off on their way home to the wife or girl friend.

Your cock is more than adequate, it's not the size. i've been bred by a couple of Tops who didn't have more than 3" and every drop of their cum went into my hole. Both were tall guys, one a lanky 6'3" and the other was 6' and had a very large body. The first guy fucked me standing and me bent over, the second was a regular walk in FB who did anonymous walk in with me (once a week). The second guy really earned my admiration because His body was so big He could not lie on me. i'd be lying prone (face down/ass up) on my bed, naked and waiting. He'd come in, get on my bed and straddle my thighs, legs closed. He'd put His cock in while He was sitting that way and would fuck me Him sitting and me lying under Him. He always bred me with a huge load. i have a pretty skinny boys ass, so that may make it easier, but 5" is more than enough cock to breed with. i'm 6'5", so i get the height difference challenge. Doggie style doesn't usually work well for me because i have really long legs and most guys cannot reach my hole in that position. However, i have found that my deck in my back yard can work well for most guys who wanna fuck doggie style. i assume the position and if they are standing on the ground, my hole is at a good height for them. For visibility and accessibility, i'd suggest a bed that is at your cock height, them on their back and legs up and you standing. They can also spread their ass that way giving you a good view and access to their hole, sorta like this:

my first time topping was when i was newly married, barely 21 years old. Grew up religious and was trying to 'choose' to be straight. It was on our wedding night and the first time i tried, i missed. lol, yep, totally missed the hole. If she'd had any questions about my virgnity prior, they would have been dispelled by my first time. It was dark, we were under covers and i came almost instantly. i remember thinking the feeling was pretty unremarkable, but then, i hadn't managed to make it in. Once i made it in, it felt good physically, but never felt good psychologically. Marriage to a woman pretty much burned into me the understanding that i'm a total bottom. i lost my gay virginity 6 years later when i sucked a guy off. i honestly cannot remember the first time i topped a guy? i can remember the first guy who topped me like it was yesterday: Andrew Lee Burton. i've only ever topped a few guys in my life, enough to know i'm not top. It's weird, because i love a Mans ass visually, i stare at them all the time, but i have no desire to penetrate a man, just to be penetrated.

Really appreciate this. A lot of tops do not seem to understand how involved and time consuming the clean out process can be. It makes sense to me though, especially a Total Top who never gets fucked, they just don't relate not having to clean out themselves. my hole has definitely morphed and been molded by use to be more of a receptive organ than a retentive organ. i think it's interesting how all sex organs are designed for waste elimination as well as receiving another. A woman has her menses every 21 days, sort of like a 7 day BM. Some straight guys will still fuck a woman even during her period, some even like it. There's guys who like to fuck guys that way too. i confess, the ability to be spontaneous is appealing to me and i think i could deal with it if i knew my Top was totally into what He was doing, but if i feel any hesitation or turn off from Him, it shuts me down too, so it's really about connection of mutual need/desire for me.

i've been at this awhile, in the >1000 cock club, and i have never had an 'accident." Granted, i'm paranoid and go to great lengths to clean out. i don't cruise unprepared. my challenge has been fb's or guys that contact me out of the blue and wanna fuck. i always tell them i'm not prepared, some are willing to wait. That's always the scary ones, because i feel like i don't take the usual amount of time to know i am deep clean. i do sometimes wish for the ability to be spontaneous. i would love to be available 24/7, at a moments notice. i've found a few who say they don't care, and even like it, but never actually been in that position.

All sorts of people work in healthcare (i'm a critical care nurse). The same people who vote conservative or liberal, work in healthcare as well. i work in a fairly liberal Hospital. It's a teaching hospital in a college town, but the people who work there come from all sorts of different backgrounds and persuasions. There was a doctor there a couple of years ago who i thought was pretty cute and i had a crush on him. i had not seen him for a few months until they returned after transitioning. That gave me a Victor/VIctoria moment that i had been crushing on someone who identified as a woman lol. She had been shy and quiet when presenting as a male, but was outgoing and open as a woman. Everyone was polite and accepting to her face, but in the break rooms, when she was not around, some would let their true thoughts and feelings slip. There are plenty of people working in health care who have decided bias and judgement. Many hospitals were started by religious organizations. There are plenty of people working in health care who believe all gay people are going to hell, then others who think sex is only supposed to happen between men and women in marriage. Healthcare workers get tons of ongoing education about bias and not bringing it into ones practice, but many believe they are right and righteous in their beliefs and won't hesitate to show their disdain and present as superior.

i've fantasized about this kind of relationship, but such an "Alpha" has never presented/offered such a relationship. By "such and Alpha," i mean a Man who would actually be a fit. To me, a D/s relationship is symbiotic and requires a lot of chemistry between both parties to work. i think just going by a formula or code doesn't work Half of all hetero marriages end in divorce, and they have been trying relationship for a long time, their model doesn't inspire me to imitate it, i do not think "perfect" exists, so i look for compatibility of important stuff. Look at studies, and the top three reasons marriages fail are: "infidelity, finances, communication." Sex is obviously important, even in heteronormative relationship. Ignoring sex, or not placing enough weight on it, is asking for failure me thinks. i think the gay commumity often has unconsciously adopted heteronormative standards about sex in relationship and i think that needs deconstructed... which requires stuff like self awareness and communication skills. Re finances, one does not have to be on a gay hook up site for long to realize how many users there are, using sex or supposed relationship as a means to get a free ride. To me "fidelity" and monogamy are not one in the same. To me, fidelity is more about mutual loving and caring for a partner and wanting to make sure His needs and desires are met. If that means Him pimping me out or Him getting a piece of ass other than mine, or ___________, it is still a matter of us caring for each others desires and needs. i suspect i could be happy with just one Man, but we would have to really have a lot of good chemistry to connect and bond. This stuff isn't pretend or role play for me, it's real and essential, and so would any would be mate have to be.

One thing that seems a constant throughout history is there has always been bullies, people who are certain their way of living/being should be the standard for everyones way of living. i don't think it's because they are hetero or religious or__________, to me it's a matter of immaturity. For instance, i think some religions become a refuge for narrow, immature bullies. If one is born into such a culture, and their nature doesn't fit, they can become conditioned against their self. Imagine being born gay and growing up with Mike Pence for a father. Even in an era of open acceptance of gays, that would not be that persons reality. i grew up in a religion that kept me psychologically bound for a big part of my life and literally tried to de-gay me. It was a long, hard journey for me to process out of the "moralizing" you reference, and the underpinning notions that support 'moralizing' ways. my process taught me to question and examine the norm. i've quipped before on BZ that being gay saved me from "God." While stuck in that religion, i could still not change or escape who i am and you are spot on with your observation that "cruising... reassured many gay men they are what they are." For me, it was my only form of affirmation, and i am sure that is true about many who were (and are) in similar positions. People want acceptance and i think some believe the illusion that conformity makes them acceptable. It doesn't. That conformity is also suppression and repression of who one really is. It's the proverbial "closet."

It is, and for me, encouraging. there are simultaneously similarities and differences between what a Top feels and what a bottom feels. For instance, using Your example, both natures will be nurtured (similarity) but from opposite ends (difference). i have literally experienced a Top imbedding HIs "Cock" in my mind. i see that as one of many forms of impregnation, which i see as one of the natural, driving forces/needs that can connect and bond a Top with a bottom As i see it, a Top has (among many other things) a 'creative' need to plant Himself in another (perpetuate Himself?) and a bottom (at least this bottom) has a creation need to be planted, molded, even possessed by a Man. It's not a possession that displaces, but does sort of take control... by choice and desire on my part as a bottom. It's not force or capitulation, but a purposeful submissive response to someone very 'right.' lol, i could go on and on, this turns me on so much.

Put in your profile paragraph: ""Guys who only give head annoy me." Not that this will solve the problem of guys who wanna give head contacting you (e.g guys who have reading comprehension issues). It can be a one time preemptive response, though, and you can ignore such solicitations because you've already answered.

i'm with those who cannot separate the two. If a Top fucks me and doesn't cum, i feel like i've failed Him in some way. No, that's not rational, but feelings often contradict our reason, eh? For me it's about the pleasure, lust, need of the Top, and nah, i'm not being altruistic or saying i don't matter, those things absolutely matter to me. For me, it's sort of magical to hear His breathing and comments, His sighs and pleasure responses while He is fucking me, then when that builds to a climax and He has an orgasm, i swear it's like His orgasm leaves His body and goes deep into mine.' It a symbiotic union of desire and need that i crave, i cannot separate the two. i've had Tops who were so turned on that they climaxed as soon as they slid in without any real fuck to speak of, and i've experienced Tops who fuck for an hour before climaxing, both are fucking awesome to me.

Right? We are often unconsciously influenced by cultural conditioning. i didn't get the flu because i was not chasing it, i just got exposed and caught it when i went to the grocery store to get food, because i need to eat to live. A virus is opportunistic. It needs a host to replicate and survive. HIV is a virus that connects to a host to survive, that's pretty much a parasitic dynamic. We also have 10x more bacteria living in us than we have cells that make up our body, some of those bacteria are beneficial and we live together symbiotically, others are just using us and make us sick. We are all part of nature and the trick is to survive, and even flourish. Chasing is getting fucked and impregnated by a virus, not another person.

Yeah, i sure has been my experience and it makes me want it more. Sex is so amazing and has endless potential. i think many don't ever pursue or discover that the pool has a deep end. There are so many things that energize our drive to have sex with each other, "things" that go beyond physical sensation and pleasure, that conch to those pleasures and sensation and add layers to them. For instance, just like we connect and bond physically when the symbiosis between a Top/bottom happens, there can also be connecting and bonding between a need to control and a need to be controlled, a need to penetrate emotionally and a need to be penetrated emotionally, a need to possess and a need to be possessed... i think the list can be endless, but it's not generic. We are individuals and those connections and bonding experiences depend on discovery of compatible needs/desires. For that to happen, we need to have self knowledge and develop skills of communication. It's work, but the rewards are fuckng awesome.