tallslenderguy

my thoughts went a similar place. i was married to a woman for a huge piece of my life and trained myself early on never to cum until she had cum first. All my experience with a woman (only one woman, but lots of experience) helped me understand how dependent a woman often is on her top to give her an orgasm. i say "often" because it is not necessary for the man to make a woman orgasm. She can take the dom position and make herself orgasm using the mans cock, just like the man may be using her vagina to pleasure himself. i think that's probably why i was able to do sex as long as i did with a woman, because the important thing to me was giving her an orgasm, not me. Over time, that became a problem because there was a part of her emotional wiring where she just wanted to be taken, without regard to her orgasm. And i totally get that, because i am wired that way lol. To me, it has nothing to do with wanting to be a woman. i don't want that (nothing wrong with those who do, it just isn't me). i love being a man who receives other mens pleasure into me. i love having orgasm, but the way i am wired, i love having an orgasm that a man gives me, not one i gave or took myself. i just love that kind of connection. In a sense, even though i am not a woman, i feel like i get that aspect of being a woman... i.e., being dependent on the man to have an orgasm. Just like with a woman, it is not necessary, but it's the way i am wired emotionally.

i've tried to take a hand on many occasions, and will continue to try, but finding a Top who is patient has been a challenge. About half the guys who have tried have been great, the other half just thought they were. When it comes to fucking, ego doesn't really get in the way (for me), but when i sense the Top is impatient, it ends up making me tighten up vs being more receptive. i've had a long term fantasy where i fall asleep with a guy and wake up in the morning only to discover His hand and arm inside of me. [laughing], i know that is pure fantasy on my part, that the liklihood of anyone getting their hand and arm in me while i sleep is unrealistic. For me though, the fantasy speaks to the psychology of being penetrated by a Man and connected to Him. The image of a puppet is pretty glaring, it's so fucking intimate. The notion of a Top doing that so stealthily speaks to His need/desire to have a guy in that way and is also an expression of what i think of as affectionate dominance. The permission is already known, so the 'possession' is assumed and taken during vulnerability, which requires a huge amount of finesse.

i'm a critical care nurse, so i'm not easily grossed out. For me, you identify the one positive: spontaneity. Horny, need, can arise at any moment. Clean out can be a process, so being able to fuck in the moment is very appealing to me, not scat. Course i'm bottom and it seems the Top would be the one dealing with it. i wouldn't want it at all if i were a Top, i'd just calmly mention he's not clean. For me it's the smell, but then, i like clean in general. i also like a little cologne. There's a guy at work who wears cologne and it's like a pheromone for me, makes me want to back my ass up into Him.

i tried to "love" this, but i am out of loves for today.... mostly spent on this discussion. This sort of post keeps me coming back to breeding zone, i am so pleased that we are having this discussion and am grateful to you for starting it. i find you wonderfully insightful and articulate... total turn ons for me. marry me?

lmao, i must have known that instinctively.

i really like Elbow Grease. i have never purchased J lube, but have had it used on me. i'm not certain about this, but i don't think silicon toys can be used with Elbow Grease? i'd be happy to find out if i am wrong about that, because i have two really nice veiny cock dildos that fit my fuck machine that i'd really like to use EG with... water base just doesn't do it for me. Should prolly try J Lube.

Agreed. To me, gay culture should be one of the most enlightened, we should really be experts on stereotyping and its hazards. i'm mystified by how much we have borrowed from patriarchal, straight white culture. my guess is its misguided attempts at acceptance. This is a great discussion.

i think you make some good points. i think it would be naive to think there is no bias in porn media. i know my perceptions of black men have changed dramatically over my life time, a lot of those changes resulted from relationships with black guys that exposed my false, and often deeply hidden, cultural notions. Someone in this thread or another mentioned that they find the descriptor/s"good looking, etc., " off putting. me too. i'm honestly intimidated by guys who i perceive as gorgeous, makes me feel inadequate. These days i am much more inclined to judge attractiveness from attitude than i am physical looks. i can't prove why, but i am initially attracted to black men because of my experiences with them, so it's totally subjective. Out of all the black guys i've been with (a lot, i lived half my life in areas where blacks were the majority population), i can remember only one who didn't make me feel wonderful to be with because of a deeper than physical connection. i have fallen in love with soooo many black hook ups, lol. fuck. The one black guy that just made me feel used was probably the hottest one of all, by normal social standards of beauty? It never stopped me from hookng with Him, but i never had to bite my tongue from declaring my adoration for Him like others. i have wondered if it's not so much what they have as what they don't have? I.e., the white privilege attitude? idk i think it would be interesting to take a pole and see the similarities and differences of how guys perceive beauty, attractiveness. Of the two black guys on that list, i'd put Mario Costa in the Top three. But honestly, i had to google to confirm that He is black. i'd put the other black guy, "Cutler" about the middle of the list, i liked His eyes and smile. i think it's telling that they put a rebel hat on Him?!? Someone i've long had the hots for is Barak Obama lol. i think He is totally hot, but for me so much hinges on personality. Looks just isn't my primary factor when it comes to attractive.

First off, thank you for speaking up. Secondly, i'm sorry you had to speak up. fuck. There is also the phenomena of internalizing something from a dominant culture in order to find a semblance of acceptance, and i think a lot of "race play' falls into that category?

Can’t think of anything to add, i agree

Oh yeah, didn't even think about fisting. i've been with several Tops who like to penetrate a bottom wth Their hand and took the most i've ever taken before the last time. The Top was a long time fister and very experienced, He got in further than anyone... all 5 fingers and hand, but didn't get around the corner or over the hump or whatever that barrier is? It took me about a day to recover from that, i was sore as fuck, but it was a happy sore.

Sort of an aside, been discussing in another thread opened and changed holes. i often think of the change in my hole caused by a Top or Tops as their “signature” on me, sort of them writing on my body “I was here”. Have really come to love the changes in my hole because for me it’s like they’ve written on me with a permanent marker

i'd be lying if i didn't admit that having my hole changed and more open is a turn on for me. Every time i have to go and experience that sense of urgency, it is also a reminder that Tops have penetrated me and changed my body. That's a huge turn on for me. i am not one to use toys on myself very often or with the intent of opening my own hole. i tried, but there was something psychologically off-putting for me to open my own hole. To me, it's part of the gay version of impregnation... for lack of a better analogy. i love the realty of a Top leaving His 'mark' on me, and an opened hole is just that, a mark from a Top/s.

Speaking as an already slutty bottom, when i encounter a guy wth a PA, my desire level about doubles. As a bottom, i'd never get one for myself, there is something about it that screams "TOP" to me. Both the feel and the idea of a PA are incredible to me and bring out a deeper sub response somewhere from inside me.

Damn, yes. This so describes my association with butt plugs. i have a drawer full of toys and plugs i almost never use. For me, a big part of wearing a butt plug is because a Top put it there. i have this inner desire and hunger to be filled by a Top (on so many levels), for me using toys is like trying to be my own Top, i always end up disappointed because i make a lousy top.

i have this weird attribute as a total bottom: i LOVE a mans ass. NOT His hole mind you, His Ass. There is something so incredibly sexy and powerful about a mans ass to me. i am constantly having my head turned watching a man walk by and staring at His ass. i have no desire to fuck it or rim it. i do love to touch it, hold it, nibble it, pet it, lick it (not the hole), lay my head on it, generally worship it. It has a very similar effect on me as a Tops cock. It doesn't matter if it's a Top or bottoms ass, either will make my legs spread and want to be HIs. My favorite Top is the kind who doesn't want anyone near His hole because He is so wired to using hole, it doesn't occur to Him that He has one. He's a penetrator.

yeah, that idea is soooo hot to me, scares the fuck out of me, but appeals to something deep and dark in me. i'm not transgender, do not identify with being a woman at all. The nullo vid's i have seen on xtube don't seem to go very deep at all? They are hot slits that ooz cum, but they don't look fuckable? i'd be disappointed if i had another hole but a Top couldn't penetrate it and breed it if He wanted.

i've been getting pop up ads for online gay sex games. Has anyone used them? Can you get really kinky? Choose position you like? It'd be really awful if they kept making me a top lol. Any suggestions or are they a waste of time?

p.s. forgot to mention, i have a pair of padded underwear that give me a bit of a bubble. For me, it's kind of like a woman wearing a mini or makeup, wanting to draw attention to my ass.

i've tried taking several times... i have a pic i tried to upload of a hand in me, but the file was to big to upload. By His reckoning, i still haven't quite taken a whole hand because it didn't get completely past that opening barrer, though t sure looks like it's in there by the pics. So far, for me the idea is hotter than the experience, and the idea keeps me trying. For me, a huge part of being a bottom is receiving a Tops desire to penetrate, so the whole idea turns me on, just haven't gotten there. i have a fantasy of waking up with a Top's hand and forearm in me. There's a sense of ownership and connection i get from that thought that makes me kinda wild.

There was a great discussion/thread recently that talked about (among other things) how most "bottoms" have the equipment and physical ability to fuck. For me it's certainly true. i wake up with erections, it feels physically good to touch my penis and cum. It also feels physically good to be penetrated by a guy and bred, but additionally, there is something emotional and mental that is nurtured and sighs with satisfaction in me when a guy wants me. Penetrating and breeding can be so much more than physical, and it's those areas where i am "total bottom." i may feel physically good cumming using my penis, but emotionally i experience disappointment, like i have compromised my self. i don't believe there is a right or wrong way to be, Top, vers, bottom, are all part of the mix, but i seem psychologically wired 'total bottom' and feel my strongest attraction to "total Tops.' i see that as natural, i.e., "opposite forces attract and bond."

Right? psychologically, i feel and think of myself as an inlet, not an outlet.

i used to wear briefs or boxers, depending on my mood. Then, a few years ago, i had a brief stint with a Dom who insisted that a bottom should never wear boxers, so i got rid of them. He also had me get a variety of jocks, thongs and even had me go to Victora Secret and buy a lace thong for myself. Even though we are no longer in a D/s relationship, i've never gone back to wearing boxers. Briefs for the most part. i associate wearing the jocks, thongs and lace with a Top who wants me to wear them, so they pretty much sit in my drawer unless a Top wants me to wear one of them.

i was afraid too. Afraid of losing control, i don't want to be incontinent. i still have plenty of internal control, my guess is that will never go away because internally we are constructed to hold, a container. My opening has lost some tightness and when i have to go, i do feel more of a sense of urgency. On the other hand, it's a lot easier for me to get fucked because it's just more receptive. i like being more of an opening instead of a closure lol.

This made me think, in a sense, my hole never 'recovers.' i reached a place where it permanently changed and became more of a slit than a pucker. i can trace that back to a FB whose goal it was to change it . i do an exercise where i clench my hole, like i am clenching a cock with it, but it's empty ;-( That seems to exercise and strengthen internal rectal muscles, give some control for milking cock. i don't have one for the anus and that's the most obvious part that seems permanently changed and will never 'recuperate.'