tallslenderguy

i think the comparison between a "flasher in public" and someone "unlocking a bunch of rude pictures" (what constitutes "rude"?) on an electronic hook up site doesn't really work? Your avatar pic here is pretty flashy, and this is a discussion forum, not really a hook up site. Why is it "rude" for a guy to send you "a bunch of nude pics" on a gay site and not rude for you to have a nude avatar?

Andrew Scott, the Irish actor who plays Moriarty in the BBC’s series "Sherlock." Totally hot, and i am into cerebral, psychological stuff. Turns out he's gay too lol.

me too. i get it though (i think). i think the "negativity' often comes from guys who are tired of not having their profiles read. Kind of a bitch slap to a perfect stranger, an attempt to dissuade the 'wrong' guy. The effect if has on me is to question myself and wonder if it's possible to make the grade under the microscope?

LMAO. Brilliant!

^^^This^^^ i have long thought that one of the reasons many guys profiles are so short is they assume people already know who and how they are, it doesn't even occur to them that they have to tell people what they think and feel. It's egocentricity similar to the ethnocentricity that doesn't think, just acts as though everyone is as they are.

Nah, i don't think you want to disrespect anyone. i think sometimes we just say things on auto pilot and we don't know how it affects, in this case, black people? For instance, imagine someone writing a thread title: "Not answering my yellow owner," or "Not answering my brown owner," or "Not answering my white owner." We don't ever see stuff like that, weird how sometimes we make a point of it with blacks? Not trying to point the finger at you, just speaking generally about how we single "black" out sometime? i've written about what it means to me to be a bottom, and about "cumdump" here, on page 2. i've written tons on the topic, and no, you are no where near "the only bottom around here who [has] higher expectations...." There are quite a few Tops and bottoms who have written lots of thoughtful comments on this topic all over BZ, they may not all be reading or responding to your thread. So, no, you're not alone <3. I don't understand why you refer to this man as your "owner?" i didn't see where He says He formally owns you and you became His? In the BDSM community, there are couples that are Master/slave where they have actual written contracts of "ownership" and real "collars," etc.. Am guessing you are not referring to something like this? i'm guessing that you are more reflecting on your self and your feelings, which i think is great. i'd suggest you check out BDSM communities where there is some serious discussion about ownership? The Cage is one of my favorite because there is a core group of serious people there. Unfortunately, it's mostly straight, but a lot of the topics of Dom/sub, etc., have things in common. i get the mixed feelings. Though i am not you, there is a certain kind of degradation and humiliation that excites the hell out of me. i call it "affectionate degradation," as opposed to rough, mean, forceful, bullying. The former 'collars' and turns me on, the latter shuts me down. And i have experienced Doms who are my counter point, who love the mind fuck of affectionate, subtle grooming and control and hate force or bullying. There are so many variations out there. i think it is important to first know your self and know your needs/wants, then look for someone who is your opposite. i look for symbiosis in relationship. i despise quid pro quo, i don't think it's sustainable.

"Sigh" indeed. i thought exactly the same thing, i.e., that he is "likely thinking to himself, “These apps suck, nobody ever hits on my profile” and spends his day in sexual frustration...."" This particular guy didn't strike me as a "bot or a scam" (though they too abound), just as clueless. [laughing]. No, i "did not help him cum." i didn't want to do the teeth pulling. i imagine he was a bottom or versatile, not really looking to cum at all but wanting to get fucked or suck cock. But who knows? That's information he chooses not to divulge? It's weird to me that these guys don't catch on how they can save time by using their profile to pre qualify and weed out the guys who are not a match? The part that really cracked me up is "looking for like minded people" but doesn't catch on that he needs to share a wee bit of his mind in order for that to happen? And what the fuck is "adult activities?" Shuffle board? Wine tasting? Opera? Voting? Drinking? i think a lot of guys just assume people will know what they want, it doesn't occur to them that they have to actually be more specific? What i suspect is they are afraid and ignorant. They are used to someone else carrying the ball for them? It's hard for me to imagine they get much of anything, especially since it seems 90 percent of the app population seems just like them? i wonder if they respond to profiles like theirs?

i will include some app-speak at times, depending on who i am writing to, but use it inclusively vs exclusively. i'm a healthcare worker, we communicate using abbreviations and acronyms all the time. Like yourself though, i love words and their power to affect. Unfortunately, i think 'it' has already taken hold with a large chunk of the population? Just this morning i had an exchange with a guy on "Squirt." He sent me a "chat" message: "help me cum pls. I'm mobile." i immediately went to his profile to get some idea of who was hitting on me and: no picture, position: rather not say. It did have his age, height and weight, that he was gay and caucasian. In the message portion he wrote: "Looking for like minded people for adult activities." Into: "sucking, jerking, party & play." That's it, the rest was blank. Normally, i'd just ignore something like this, but i responded in an email: "There is absolutely no snark intended by this email, i'm genuinely trying to help you. Your profile has virtually nothing in it about you, no picture, few to no words, nothing of your self? You say you are "looking for like minded people," but then, there is nothing of your "mind" in your profile? You are essentially asking guys to connect to the invisible man? You sent me a chat message asking me to "help me cum pls," but when i read your profile i find no-one there?" He replied: "Not sure what the deal is .sorry. I'm 5ft7 179 lbs cut, clean , 6 inch. In (location). I'm mobile" This is pretty much the kind of response i get when i try to explain, that or a very offended, defensive reply, so i usually don't even make the effort.

You 'sound' ambivalent, conflicted, to me. On the one hand, your thread title reads: "not answering to my black owner." my first thought was to wonder why you identify that he is "black?" That comes across to me as disrespectful of the person and regard for the color? At the core of this though, as i see it, you are wrestling with something a lot of subs (and some Doms) do. Trying to conform to an idea or definition, to words, vs using words to describe reality. I.e., many think if you use the word "sub" you are now committed to (their) definition of the word. i think the word "sub' or "Dom" or _____________, is just a starting place, that each has to parse out what that actually means to them. When you use the word "sub" it may mean very specific things, and when He uses the word "sub" it may mean different things. Your definitions may overlap, but they also may be different in areas. To me, relationship is symbiotic, so it makes sense to me to look for enough "overlap" or resonance to build a relationship and sustain it. There are things you clearly like about this Man and there are things you do not. There's often a notion in D/s that a subs needs/desires are not to be considered. And, i guess there are dynamics like that (and even that is a need/want), but it doesn't seem like that is the kind of arrangement you need/want?

i don't know? i do think, as you note, that language is fluid. Maybe that 'fluid' is moving faster and farther because of technology? What i run into is guys who don't use words at all, or as few as they can? i think bbzh may have the right idea, suggesting you put "a photo or two in your profile showing your dream guy." my impression is a lot of guys on apps don't even look at or use words, they just 'communicate' in pictures? So maybe instead of writing profiles, we should be putting picture books together? i love profiles where the guy claims he is "serious" and 'looking for the love of his life," then writes pretty much nothing else. Or only writes: "if you have questions, just ask." LAMO, ask questions based on what? Here's another favorite on a hook up site: "looking for fun." Or: "let's get together and see what happens." my experience has been, more than words losing meaning, it seems nine out of ten guys on gay sites do not know how to use words? Or do not want to? It seems to me that many guys are not self aware, do not know how to articulate their thoughts or feelings, are afraid to be open, or a combination of those factors?

i have a sweet friend on this site who just went through a ridiculous issue with a long time friend he hooked with. Both of these guys have hook up sex with other guys, yet one of them is pissed because he thinks the other one lied about being on herpes meds. The guy told him about 6 times he had herpes, also told him that he had been with two other guys and hadn't been tested since. To my way of thinking, the guy who told him he had herpes (many times) and sex with other guys, went way overboard with disclosure, but hey, he's a sweet, caring guy, who i think takes way more on himself to 'protect' those he hooks with. my feel is, if you are having hook up sex, and you're an adult, you take full responsibility for your self. Especially when both parties are up front about having hook up sex with other guys? Seriously, the ignorance and immaturity it takes to try and guilt or shame someone because of after sex fear of STI's just blows me away. It's 2020, everyone has google, there is no excuse for this kind of ignorance?!? It took me 10 seconds to do a search on HSV meds, they only reduce the risk of transmission by 50% with those who have known infection. One can be contagious and asymptomatic. i could go on, but to what end? To me, if you are an adult and having hook up sex, you and you alone are responsible for any disease you may catch. i am just floored at the number of guys who still think that since they asked "are you clean" that's valid STI protection, or worse, the guys claiming in their hook up site profile "D&D free, ub2." sigh. sorry, end of rant

i agree with BootmanLA. i'm not sure you're trying to "offload responsibility," as much as you have the deep desire to simply be available and bred by Tops who wanna breed. Common desire among bottoms. Also sounds a little Dom/sub, but even that requires a choice to submit at some point. BootmanLA uses the example of a being fucked with the barrel of a loaded gun..., and no doubt there are some here with that fantasy (though likely few). i have a few fantasies of my own. where i know a Top and he has access to my ass any time He wants. i imagine waking up in the middle of the night to the feel of His cock pushing into me. i love the idea, but rationally i wonder if i wouldn't wake with a start and fighting? IOW, even if i were to establish such a relationship, it would require some trust and knowing each other, and likely some 'training' or 'conditioning where i would respond receptively as i want. IOW, pre given and arranged permission that confers a 'right; of sorts, for Him to slide in any time He wants or needs.

i switched to Biktarvy about 6 months ago and have been tested twice since. Blood work is perfect, also undetectable level is better than it was. i'm happy with it.

i came from a similar religious background, just a different form of fundamentalism. After awhile i realized that it wasn't the belief so much as the fundamentalist approach that was so harmful. i read the Ayaan Hirsi Ali's autobiography "Infidel," and was struck by the similarities between fundamentalist Islam and fundamentalist Christianity. "Educated" is another remarkable read by Tara Westover. And yeah, science. One of the things i love about an honest scientist is the conclusion is never absolute. Maybe enough to make decisions, but in an infinite universe, we only know and see in part, no matter the approach. i find communities like this one to be great places to talk and reflect. Sure, there is every sort of person here, some who want to tell you their version of the 'absolute truth' lol, but there are also some wonderfully honest, open, insightful guys here (those are the ones i fall in love with). i think what you are doing here is not to be discounted. Even though there is no guarantee that the feedback you will get will all be what you need or right for you, but i find it noteworthy that the anonymity also provides a sort of safety for you to discuss things you don't feel free to discuss with a 'pro.' i think part of what you get from a therapist is a different perspective, hopefully safe and non judgmental, but that isn't always the case, eh? Here, you feel safe enough to say things you don't feel quite safe saying to a therapist. You'll get different perspectives, but you still get to choose what resonates and what doesn't. It already sounds like you are working out what you want and what you don't... of course, the world doesn't always align with our wants/needs, which can be another challenge.

That sounds healthy to me. Fuck shame. It can take time to distance and work through and past that conditioned response, so i think you are smart to not make yourself vulnerable unless you know you are safe. Our instincts and fears can be good things, eh? i personally like to know why i am feeling the way i do, but feelings can be protective either way. They can also keep us trapped in things like "wacko... religion," or under some authority who manipulates feelings, so it makes sense to me to look to understand our feelings.

For me, poz or neg was hardly ever a consideration. Oh sure, i thought about it. There were times i feared getting pozzed, but those thoughts and fears pretty my never stopped me from pursuing Men or from bending over and taking a Man and His load deep. The need and drive for a Man and His load inside of me pretty much won out over any other consideration. i don't think sex is rational, it's an emotional and physical drive. Which is not to say i'm irrational or that i never thought about it, just that my rationale didn't decide for me. And honestly, i don't think those who don't bareback are just being rational, i think it is fear making the decision (which is fine, i don't see fear or lust as inferior or superior, just what is). Rationally speaking? Those who "insist the they're neg" are usually just deluding their self. Seriously, how did you ever truly ensure the guys who bred you were negative? i know, there are all sorts of methods, but none is fool proof, and most come down to taking the tops word for it, which is no insurance at all lol. i think reality is, you "took the plunge" the first load you took and you are now just realizing it.

Congratulations on escaping a "wacko religious environment." Speaking from experience, i know that can be a complex process. As far as talking to a therapist is concerned, i think they can be very helpful and i also think they can cause damage. i think, in large part, that depends on the one getting the 'counseling.' i think the purpose of counseling is to optain self knowledge. We discover who and how we are in self reflection and in relationship with others (i.e., seeing our reflection in them). A challenge is, none of us is a perfect 'mirror,' so none of us reflects perfectly. i see a therapist as a trained 'reflector,' and a 'good' one should give you a clear reflection of who and how you are. i believe part of what turns a religious environment "wacko" is people looking for an authority to tell them 'the truth,' and those who think they are an authority on 'the truth.' i've seen a lot of people leave religion (or atheism), only to transfer the disposition that got them there to the next authority or 'ism.' To me, a question is: "why did you feel hesitant about telling your therapist about bareback and taking loads?" To me, his job is to reflect you, help you understand who you are , and in this case, help you understand more about your desire to bareback and take loads. i do not think his job it to be an authority in your life and tell you this is 'good' or 'bad.' Not saying he is btw. Your hesitance could just be a reflection of fear on your part, which to me would be a great insight to get from therapy.

i used to be a cum dump, and still can be depending on my Top. For me sex has evolved into my connection with the Top and the more and deeper connection (physical, mental, emotional) the better. Ideally, my Tops orgasm and pleasure becomes mine. i relate to my penis as a sort of (but not a) "clitoris." i hesitate to use that word because this is not about identifying as female or wanting a clit or vagina. i have neither. Psychologically i'm wired somewhere between, anatomically i'm all male. Psychologically i see the cock as an organ for penetrating, influencing, inseminating, breeding, etc.. It's not just that it is, but how it is used. The sex partner who attracts and connects with me most is the total Top, or guy who is in a Total Top frame of mind and emotion when having sex. i used to be married to a woman, so i have a lot of experience (albeit with only one woman) with mixed geneder sex and female anatomy. As a gay guy, i was sort of a sub top for my wife and became really good at giving her physical pleasure. She had a couple of distinct pleasure centers, her clitoris and g-spot. The first is external, the second internal. i could make her cum multiple times using either, but if i was giving her clitoral stimulation and she would start orgasming, she would literally beg me to penetrate her. I.e., she could orgasm multiple times clitorally, but was driven to be penetrated. i see myself as similar. i can be stimulated using my penis, definitely works for edging and keeping me horny, but psychologically i am driven to be penetrated and bred by my Top. Over time, that has turned into being much more psychological along with the physical. For me, cum dumping with multiple strangers is a sort of watering down of the bond i can get with fewer or a Top who is also in the same type of psychological mode i am talking about, just from a different place (I.e., from the Top vs the bottom). He may be in a place where He wants to breed me via a gang bang, or His hand, or a dildo, or_____________, but i and connecting with His drive, need, desire as well as what He is using to fuck and breed with. E.g., in a gang bang that He controls, i see and connect with Him doing all the breeding, that He is using the others like dildos. So, having an orgasm for me is just different. ideally, like my former wife, i am driven to be penetrated and bred, even though stimulation of my penis feels good and i can orgasm that way, there is something about it that is disappointing, mainly the lessening of my edge and heat to be penetrated. Psycologically i want my Top to be in charge of my orgasm and not cum till He is ready for me too. It takes time to recover and restore the ability to orgasm, so the Top who takes it, owns it for at least awhile. With a Top i have a connection with that is a different experience than it is with a random stranger who is just using me for a cum dump. To me, that person is a sort of on parallel with me (cum dumper?) and doesn't really have the place or position as my Top to make me cum, it's just not as powerful. There's a sort of ownership status that goes along with it that is missing for me if i am just being an anonyomous cum dump.

Something i noticed the other day when a Top wanted me on my knees so He could face fuck me was my gag reflex seemed a lot more active? Frequent cocksucking helps me with skill and being able to take a cock in my throat, like the ass hole, it helps keep the throat open, or at leastconditioned, for taking cock. i gagged a lot and teared and my nose ran while He was face fucking me... but i still totally loved Him.

Yeah, i think about it and want it all the time, but not pregnant with a baby. For me a big part of the Top/bottom dynamic is the psychological differences. To me, what defines a Top is the drive/need/desire to put and leave a part of Himself in a bottom. For instance, to me, a Top opening and chaniging my hole is a form of impregnation. Impregnation is one of the reasons why i am so attracted to WS. When a Top pisses inside of me and i hold it in and absorb a lot of it, i am impregnated by Him. It is so evident that i am impregnated by Him when i pee because i can smell His piss in my pee. i love the idea of having a Top who always pisses in me with the intent of keeping me always "pregnant."

Wow, just found this thread and read through all the posts. i'm glad that nothing on BZ is out of bounds, save what's illegal in order to preserve its existence. my overall take is i don't ever want to silence, lock someone out or isolate them. my moral/ethical base is whether or not the persons involved have given informed consent, which is a complex topic on its own. While we may have to follow laws or social norms to 'survive,' i can't imagine any informed gay person believing that just because something is a common social standard or law, that it makes it okay or morally right. Many of us here grew up in a time when gay people were arrested (waves hand) pretty much for being gay. Many were treated as "sick" or "broken" or "sinful" (waves hand again). That was a torturous time of life for me, and i'm not masochist, so i didn't enjoy it. Those attitudes stole, imprisoned, a big piece of my life. i went through "reparative therapy" when i was trying to de-gay, and it was continuously suggested that i had been molested by my brother who was 13 years older than me and gay. He never touched me sexually that i can remember, but it's a rationale that so called 'reparative therapists" used (methods that have since been debunked and ostracized) to try and explain why people are gay. Fuck that. i don't relate to connect to some of the stuff i read on BZ, but i know that's just a reflection of who and how i am, not something i can elevate to a universal standard or impose on someone else. That would violate my standard of informed consent to impose my standard on another. i was married and have a couple of sons. i cannot imagine having or wanting to have sex with them. i never wanted to have sex with my brothers or dad. i did, however, discover my anus at around age 8 or 9 when a neighborhood boy i had a crush on showed me an enema nozzle and explained what it was for. We never did anything together, but i eroticized what he told me, even at that age, went home, found our eneman nozzle and it became my first dildo. At that age, i did not have understanding or knowledge of sex, but i had enough of inclination to do that lol. Who knows where it would or could have gone given the opportunity and knowledge? The closest i come to incest is i had (have?) a crush on my cousin. He was a year older than me and we played together frequently from about age 10. Nothing sexual, but i definintey had sexual feelings for him, just the kind a kid could have without much knowledge or understanding. When i was 14, i lived with his family for about half a year, they had a small house and i had to sleep in a sleeping bag beside his bed. The control to his electric blanket was right next to me and i would turn it up to high hoping he would throw his covers off as he slept so i could see his body. i could easily have had consensual sex with him at that age, and to this day wake up from sexual dreams about him with us both back at that age.

Turns out we are not the only ones writing about and discussing this. Here's an article on the subject from In Magazine What’s The Deal With Grindr Flakes?

i'd take your scenario over mine any day. i am a retainer and am always disappointed when a Tops cum leaks out, which it will inevitably do if not planted deep as you describe. i'd much rather absorb than smell His seed. This guy cums a couple of times in short order, enough to wear i was still leaking 12 hours later, but that doesn't happen when it's planted deep.

Like many, my sex life went to zero (or just online chat and masturbation) back in March. i think i got my first re-load in June, when social distancing started to ease a bit in my state. And that wasn't anonymous, but with a FB. Since then, it's only been with a FB... and now, with a new FB i made a few weeks ago, so that would have been my first anonymous. All of those encounters have been at my house, so exposure is 1:1. i have not been to an ABS since the outbreak, and likely won't knowng the numbers are higher and, thus, the risk of exposure is higher too. i also usually go to a gay resort in Palm Springs a couple of times a year, and did not go this spring. i've noticed the resorts are starting to get active again, so considering maybe this fall, but not sure yet because the same issue of numbers and exposure goes up in that scenario.

Funny how many similarities there are among guys. Yes, it has an almost fishy smell to it. I've noticed the scent gets stronger over time, than when i sniffed it after He first unloaded in me, but the consistency is unmistakably semen.