ejaculaTe

I admire your restraint -- aggravated assault or attempted murder would have been my first reaction, mitigated only by the fact that he paid for your travel. This is a specific example of the principle "watch what you ask for because you may get it." A more light-hearted phrasing is "the dog that chased the car and caught it." Down on the ground, though, it's a display of fear and self-doubt: your arrival means that if Mr. G [for "older guy"] puts much thought and effort into achieving a goal, by Gad, he can do it. So what does that mean for the last 45 or 50 years of his life? --Another example of this comes to mind -- Craigslist was famous for having M4M ads in which the writer would fervently express his desire to have a man with 8 inches or more come by and plow him like he was a prairie in the spring. No prize for guessing a frequent outcome: it's too big, I'm not ready, this is a bad time, blah, blah, blah. I don't know the fancy psych term for all of this, but the word "avoidance" is coming to mind. Actually, as I sit here typing, it sounds like a pretty good description. -- I suppose my point is that your experiences, aggravating as they are, are within well-worn patterns of human behavior. I readily admit that being in the midst of the encounter is uncomfortable at best and quickly approaches the level of "damn annoying." At a bit more abstract level, the issue of loneliness among the elderly is a concern especially in the health care context -- folks who have frequent bouts of loneliness or social isolation have a higher risk of malnutrition, injuries caused by falls, heart problems, etc. But you're not required to make the world a better place just because some guy sees you as the panacea to all of his emotional and psychological woes. The catchline "make the world a better place if you can" doesn't require herculean efforts on the part of the listener, just that the listener do what he can to improve his little corner of the world. I can't adopt every dog that's in an animal shelter in the US, but I can (and did) adopt two rescue dogs -- their world is pretty good and so is mine, but I digress. Going on a date, however you want to define that term, doesn't require you to have a master's degree in social work so you can be your companion's therapist for the evening. At the risk of making too broad a generalization, that's how men of that generation (hell, it's my generation also since I'm in my 60s) learned how to approach conflict. The emotional sensitivity that -- watch out for another broad generalization -- guys of your generation possess (or at least have been exposed to) was something that developed in the mid- to late-80s. By then, all of us poor saps had been molded and formed, and it could take some real god-damned effort to change. Again, at the risk of boring the reader, it took me 4 years of therapy to get myself on a better emotional path, and the emotional and psychological reactions of 50+ years ago still occasionally flare up. I'm not excusing their behavior towards you, just trying to explain it. I don't have any other ideas, clever or otherwise, at the moment about this. I'll mention though [that damn risk of boredom again] that my boyfriend of almost 2 years is more than 20 years younger than I am. There are guys of my age who really do give a damn about younger guys and who appreciate the energy and perspective they bring. (Note that trophy spouses are a societal-wide phenomenon, and if you read enough history, you'd think that's what the societal elite is about -- who's on whose arm and getting laid that night. A note of appreciation though (this and $3 gets you coffee somewhere in America).... thanks for raising the subject and for challenging us to look at ourselves and around us. You can modestly disavow any intent to have such an effect, but thanks for the time and effort.

Oh, to be 30-something again.... I can see that concerned1 is very inclined to reveal his real age to Mr. Potential Boyfriend, but I'm going to take the Devil's advocate role. I understand the anxiety, but it strikes me that we've conflated the question of trust and truthfulness with the question of age differences. I accept that trust and truthfulness are important in a relationship. But fibbing about one's age on Grindr isn't the same as telling folks that you're an MD when you only have a high school diploma. Fibbing about age -- especially on a hook-up site -- is almost a socially acceptable "little white lie;" understating your age by 5 years is almost telling the truth in that context. It also seems to be rather early days to think you have to have some soul-baring conversation about your real age. What's the rush? Maybe in a couple of months and after you've spent a lot of time with him, but not yet. Of course, if you do proceed to confess, you might consider how many other facets of your life are embellished (or understated). If you come clean about your age, must you come clean about any other fibs? What does your silence in this context mean, and maybe more importantly, how would Mr. Potential Boyfriend view that silence? In any event, best of luck....

Even more important then “to desire to please him out of respect....”

That was a good idea, especially since you write that you were more than a little apprehensive about the whole thing. The hosting bottom’s anecdote about a prior cum-and-go where he had the 3 guys who really wanted to bottom was rather amusing — maybe not so much for the hosting bottom. (I often wondered what guys like the 3 mentioned in the anecdote are thinking — do they expect there to be an overflow?)

This is really good — and wonderfully twisted.

So these lyrics start to run through my mind: Hey, get your car washed today Fill up and you don't have to pay Come on and give us a play (Working at, working at the...) It might be a few weeks before I can think of getting/giving head without humming that tune....

It's not a Mr. IML contest, and the great thing about dark rooms [ok, almost dark rooms] is that no one can really see you; you're just a darker space in the dim light like everyone else. So there's not much chance that your skill -- good, bad, mediocre -- on a given night will become the talk of the town. The only person you need worry about is YOU. Once you stop giving a rat's ass about what other guys think, say, do, etc., your anxiety, unsurprisingly, will diminish, and your dick will react accordingly.

Neither have I.... <evil grin>

I'll just note for the record (so to speak) that I am retired and, to the surprise of many, moved to Florida (and amazingly enough I'm still in Florida). (Versmetropig's remark about folks retiring and moving to FL was just too good for me not to say something.)

it's worth the wait....

I guess the anatomy class will be pretty easy....

This is really good... and the alternating narrators is a nice touch.

wonderfully twisTed.... damn, I love these stories.

Good call on Prince Harry (or should we just call him Mr. Sussex since he had to ditch the "Prince" title?)... And I'd gladly do David Tennant as well as another British actor, Laurence Fox. (Fox is best known for his role as DS James Hathaway in the British TV drama series Lewis from 2006 to 2015).

^^^ Pretty much this.... In between boyfriends, I hit the Philly baths frequently; and in an open relationship, I hit the baths and the various apps. In all of that time, I might have encountered a condom 4 or 5 times.

And likely a tear of joy to the eyes of the bottom (or a few drops of pre-cum from his dick)....

It's comforting to know I'm not the only one with a higher sex drive than I had in my 20s. (On-site investigations can be arranged....)

It's posted in this forum on August 21, 2013....

Just more proof -- as if anyone might need more proof -- that patience is a virtue.

goT my attention....

That's a great plot twist at the end....

@nep321 A few thoughts and in no particular order.... Age is important if you think it’s important; the mere number hardly means anything except to the IRS and the Social Security Administration. Moreover, Cupid tends to strike when no one expects the little bugger to be flying around, shooting arrows. As evidence of these propositions, I humbly offer my own experience: At the tender age of 61, I hooked up one Friday night with a 39 year old guy on A4A (“do you want to come over and frolic?”). Three weeks later, he had moved in; we’ve been together 18 months, and I can honestly say he’s good to me and good for me. The point, I suppose, is that you’ll get nowhere by fretting over something you can’t change. It’s awfully easy at this time of year to feel discouraged about the trajectory of your life. Don’t treat your age and build as character flaws; think of them as some of your strengths. If you compare yourself to others, you’ll invariably think that some people are doing “better” than you and others are doing “worse” than you. And at the risk of making broad generalizations, the vast majority of guys in my part of Florida don’t strike me as being Ivy League graduates making 6 figure salaries. The Great Recession took a huge chunk out of the then-existing middle class, and the insane housing market here hasn’t helped anyone’s standard of living. I’m hardly surprised that a lot of guys have roommates; if you’re only making $15 or $16/hour, you’re not making enough to afford a place on your own. Along similar lines, it’s insanely expensive to have a car, and folks of all ages here ride bicycles to get around. And while I can readily agree that guys who use drugs should be given a wide berth, I’m not ready to morally condemn anyone; it’s unlikely that the 700,000 people who have died from an overdose in the last 20 years were all intrinsically evil. You’re doing fine — even if you can’t see it. Take care of yourself, and remember that in 12 weeks or so, the weather will be awesome in Jacksonville (and in my corner of The Sunshine State).

One advantage of “business casual” is not having to worry about your silk tie.

hell, you won the damn Mega Millions and have the winning Powerball ticket...

I was simply displaying my sense of fairness when I mentioned his posting in the SF forum. And to the extent that one's personality can be gauged through one's posts on BZ, it certainly struck me that finesse and subtlety weren't prominent features of his personality.