tallslenderguy

yeah, black top. Intellectually I know it's a stereotype, and I even chide myself for it, but for the most part my experience with black tops has been... awesome. My experience with black tops is that they are purposeful fuckers, that they fuck with their whole body, including their brains and feelings. Black guys usually leave me with the feeling that they've made love to me. I almost always feel sated after being bred by a black guys, which is saying a lot.

First off, congrats at finding someone who arroused more than your cock! I think sometimes our sexual freedom is a double edged sword because it doesn't always (often?) provide space for some of the other stuff of relationship. I think many of us have learned how to efficiently compartmentalize (I know I have) to get our needs met. I know (well, for me anyway), feelings of affection for someone and the want for more can make one feel upside down, which always seems a little S/m to me lol. Anyway, you seem to have retained your head without, despite how you feel. Also, I am sorry for the fear you are experiencing about being hurt. Damn, yeah, that's just honest. To tell the truth, I don't know if there is any way to completely avoid that possibility. I think there's always a risk to put yourself out there, the risk being, the person may not respond in kind... or worse. My thinking is to tell him how you feel and what you are thinking. It may feel drama queen lol, but feelings can be like that (i.e., "dramatic"), no? I recently had an experience where I was on vacation at a gay resort and a guy approached me. He wasn't anywhere close to my type physically, so visually hot didn't play into it. I'm a slutty bottom who'll get fucked by anyone who wants to breed, so I invited him to my room. Well, this guy ended up pushing all my buttons and turning on all my switches, and I am not just talking sex by a far stretch. I was shocked. He kept hinting at staying and I pushed back saying "this cannot be sustained." (I doubt he had much if any idea where I was coming from or what was going on in me). Basically, I was pushing back against myself, telling myself not to feel what I was feeling. He ended up staying, and my feelings just kinda exploded despite reasonable self lol. I did end up telling him, gingerly but honestly, how I was starting to feel (I really tempered it lol). No drama, but I at least had the satisfaction of being open and honest... which strikes me as very mature and adult. He was kind, but didn't return any of it, so I figured that was that. Yesterday he messaged me saying he was thinking of me. Go figure. Sex can be clean and wham bam, nothing wham bam about romantic feelings and want, but I wouldn't shut them down for the world

Hey Hungry, some great thoughts, thanks for sharing. I can relate to much of what you say. I laugh at myself sometimes when getting fucked and having to bite my tongue to keep from declaring "I love you" to a complete stranger. There is definitely something about the intimacy of the moment of breeding that can bring a rush of emotions to the surface. I too enjoy such encounters and typically do not make "a big deal about the future of the relationship." This was a wee bit different for me on several levels. It's impossible to relive the weekend here in writing, but it was more than my usual fuck and go scenario. We slept together, ate together, explored other stuff together during the day... i.e., a lot more than sex going on. I had a chance to experience his personality and interact with him and he definitely wound his way into my heart, intentionally or not. I haven't lost my ability to be pragmatic, but definitely feeling some new and cool stuff as well. Im not assuming it will go anywhere, idk, but acknowledging the ride.

Thanks fist. I'm pretty cerebral, so thoughtful people always manage to capture a piece of me. I'm using this place to process, some cool people (like yourself) here, who can always add some perspective. I am a natural cynic and critical thinker, so I am not used to having my heart hooked to powerfully lol. I love the freedom I have to express what I feel and think though, hasn't always been that way, so I relish it. You are a wonderful guy, thank you for always being so awesome, you have a place in my heart.

ongoing saga. I don't want to be the pathetic stalker, so I haven't contacted this guy, pretty much figuring I"m off his list of interests. Until yesterday. It's hard for me to imagine it's only been two weeks, seems like a month or more. It's not like I am obsessed, but when I do think of him, I feel desire and kind of a vacuum. Yesterday morning before heading to work I texted him on his phone saying: "wish you had been as take with me as I was with you. You're awesome to me. Ah well, so enjoyed you for the brief time it worked for you. Hope you are well and happy." Was just tired of holding it all in. Even if it is only occasionally that I think of him, when I do it's intense. Then at work I notice I have a message on FB messenger and it's from him: "In [out of the country]. Thinking of you." I wrote back. "Ah cool, hope you are having a great time. Glad you got my message." He immediately wrote back: " Wait. Are you telling me we messaged each other separately at the same time?!? Mine wasn't in response to you!" So, looks kinda like we tried communicating at about the same time. Weird, eh? I let him know i was at work and had been kinda pining for him, haven't heard anything sense.

cum lube from Fort Troff is pretty good. this pic is a dildo and cum lube, use the pic when cruising CL and everyone thinks both are real ;-)

wow, thanks for this. I have kind of toyed with Dom/sub stuff as a sub, but hadn't really been with one for any length of time that didn't strike me as 'silly.' Then I met someone while on vacation and spent a few days, and now I am ruined and wanting. I'm kinda surprised to be honest, and feeling a little stupid and not a little mystified by the whole thing. I didn't think my heart was capable of these kinda feelings... so off I go in search. Thank you for the resource.

I suspect this would be a matter of training. It's not as if you have BPH (i.e., prostate issues), or that it's physiological. Funny, the descriptor "shy bladder." I know you know this, but of course it is not your bladder that is shy, but you. So the question becomes "how do I get over being shy about voiding in front of others?" I'd suggest practice, maybe in increments? For instance, practice peeing into a glass in the bathroom, just to break the pattern? If you can train you brain to pee on demand into a glass in your bathroom, maybe that behavior will transfer outside of your bathroom? Maybe try other places too, like your shower? The idea I am suggesting is making alterations to change habit patterns to make it more natural to your brain. if you can pee in the shower, maybe take pictures of guys you wanna pee on into your own shower and pee on them? Pee on a dildo?

you're obviously the expert lol, this one seemed to go in pretty easily, but the next size up seemed to hit resistance in the first inch, not sure what that's about, would expect to hit resistance much further down. as a bottom though, I can see all sorts of possibilities for chastity.

ok, after some of these awesome, fucking hot pics, i'm a little embarrassed to display my first sound. as a total bottom who doesn't generally touch his cock, I'm intrigued how sounds are employed with chastity... i hit my prostate with this, I get it.

yeah, i am not surprised. To me, even though there is purposeful deception, you are practicing it to get pozzed, not to poz someone. But as I think of it, it is a little grayer, because obviously that person is wearing a condom with the intent of self protection, something removed by compromising the condom. Honestly, I've done this too as a bottom a few times when a top goes soft because of fucking with a condom on (for me its always been through a GH), i suck him while he still has the condom on and bite on the tip of the condom. Not saying I think it is "right", but I have done it. I know I am undetectable, but I am still violating his trust.

I love conversations like this, when people open up and explore the "why's" behind their behavior, thank you all for your participation. I have a few thoughts about this topic, with the caveat that non of this is studied or evidenced info, just speculation. Non of my notions are absolute or even conclusions, just thoughts and feelings. I don't think any guy makes a decision to bareback. I think it's the opposite, we make the decision not to bareback, usually because of fear I believe. I've thought a lot about "chasing." When I read the comments and reasons a lot of chasers have, one that stands out to me is "getting knocked up." I think for a lot of chasers and gifters, there's an emotional connect, i.e, that getting/giving HIV is a sort of gay version of pregnancy and, by extension, perpetuation. What is being perpetuated is different, but if that difference is part of our identity, then it is still an emotional drive to perpetuate self. That may not make sense on a cognitive level, but emotions are deeper seated in our amygdala, at the core of our brain. We feel before we think, and our feelings often rule our decisions, whether they are 'reasonable' or not. Personally, I believe that the need/desire for love is the greatest drive in humankind. It is a thread that runs through all of us and binds us all together. I look at "Love" as seeing, hearing another and then acknowledging, affirming, validating them (all at varying levels). I think we're all the same and we're all different simultaneously, i.e., we all have the need/desire for love, but it takes on myriad expressions in our individuality (for instance, to my way of thinking, "top" or "bottom" is two sides of the same coin). In that context, the "stealther" is driven to perpetuate himself and the chaser is driven to be valued and given a part of the stealther. The fact that the exchange is done by 'stealth' adds another level to that drive on both sides (i.e., "gifter/chaser").

Prolly no worries of anyone thinking less of you for what you love. You're neg and cannot stealth.

I love Palm Springs... tempted to move there, but I am also a nurse and an organic grower and where I am at is ideal for growing food, not so much in the desert. Nursing is also hard, and getting used to a new work environment makes that exponential. It was only my second time there. I stayed at gay resorts both times. I actually end up feeling like one of the younger, better in shape guys (and that's at 60 without a gym body). There's a lot of older gay guys there. This vacation was really different from the first, but both were really good. The whole rollercoaster ride of actually falling for a hook-up was totally unexpected. Even though unrequited, I am grateful for the experience. Its kinda funny, I have been having sex with guys for 30+ years, but it's almost always been fb, anonymous hook-up. I have never actually spent the night with a guy in the bed next to me. I am surprised at how much I liked that. Would have liked it more if he had wanted me like he did the first day, but it was still good on other levels.

I agree. I get this too. It seems there are degrees of victimhood? I would put the guy on the sling as "barely a victim," but a "victim" none the less. We really do not know what's going on in the mind of the sling guy. He may be naive enough to think he achieves protection by serosorting, not taking into account all those guys claiming to be neg who rarely, if ever, test. Or even those guys who have converted since their last test. Then there's the poz but undetectable guys, arguably the 'safest' ones to fuck with because they know their status and are not likely to infect you with a load of undetectable seed. Stealthing, as I understand it, is something different though. Stealthing is a top who knows he is poz and likely contagious. This persons intent of stealthing is pretty much to put a poz load in a bottom without their knowing it, thus the term "stealthing"? I this care I think the bottom is a victim, though a kinda 'stupid' one and one who obviously doesn't take much responsibility on himself. But in fairness, there is the power of hormones on both sides lol. Hormones can make us all 'stupid.' I think the willful intent of someone purposefully trying to poz another person against their knowledge and will, using deceit, is "morally wrong."

warning, I'm processing... this may be long lol I come from a ultra conservative religious background and era. When i was a kid and realized my attraction to guys, there was no question in my mind that I was "broken" and that having sex with guys was an "abomination to God." I married young, barely 21 and stayed that way 31 years. I started cheating on my wife with guys at age 27 and have probably had a couple of thousand cocks up my ass. I divorced in 2008. It took me awhile to come to terms with all my ideas about "God." I often joke that being a fag saved me from God. So that's all good, I'm one of the most happy a peaceful people I know, I love my life, even though self acceptance meant being disowned by people I love, losing everything (a substantial amount), and starting over at middle age. When I first divorced I was now free to add dating and relationship to my guy encounters. I had long fantasized about having a 'ltr' with a guy, with romance. So I added dating sites to my cruising sites. Sites where I didn't have pictures of my body parts, just a bunch of shots of me living, all very 'normative.' I won't go into all the gory details of my attempts at dating, but suffice to say it wasn't anything like I hoped for. I got far more hits from women than men, even though I was clear that I was not looking for a romantic tangle with a woman, that I am "gay." Still, I did go out on dates, many were down right comical with the stereotypical misrepresentations, like lying about age and posting really old pics. But I made the effort, drove long distances, yada, yada. After awhile I gave up on sites like Match, the only one I am still on is OKCupid, and I have made some great friends there, but no sparks or romance... forced or otherwise. For a few years now I think I've just emotionally resigned myself to not falling in love and have even questioned whether my ideas of "falling in love" even exist in a gay setting, for me, given my age and who I am and my experiences to date. I really have been at peace with all of that, I don't feel any need to be in a romantic relationship and have pretty much given up on pursuing anything, but not at a place where I rule it out. I'm okay either way, but don't have that pulling hope I once had. I discovered Palm Springs in February. I'd never been, posted here asking for suggestions for a "sexcation" and ended up at a gay resort. Had a blast (for those of you who have never been, I recommend it, it's kind of a gay mecca). I liked it so much that when I got home, I booked another vacation and am sitting at the airport ready to go home from my second visit (it's monday). I was only here 5 nights, wed-mon. On Friday afternoon I was on a lounge in one of the cruising areas of the resort where I stayed, and this guy approaches me. I had shorts and a t-shirt on, so I saw him stop to put his shorts on before heading over. If I were on a dating site looking at guys pictures, I would not have selected this guy as attractive to me. Ill let anyone with a cock fuck me, but dating and relationship attraction is a whole other matter to me. We talked a bit, just chit chat, and he got up to go after about 10 minutes, and I pointed to his cock and said "can I have some of this before you leave?" He smiled and was okay with. I was took his cock out of his shorts and began to suck it (it was a beautiful cock, at least 8" and very thick, a little intimidating... but in a good way), and he pretty much immediately grabbed my hair and worked my mouth on is cock. He then said: "I'm not a very public guy," so I didn't hesitate to ask him back to my room. Back in the room, he sat back against the headboard and wanted me between his legs sucking. At some point I quipped that he had "Dom traits" and it was like giving him permission to express himself. He went almost into Dom textbook mode, coaching me to take all of his cock (it was all progressive, not all at once and not forceful.. he knew what he was doing and was good at it). I have never had a cock in my throat quite like his. I felt like I had it all and he would coach, "a little more, just past that second curve," the whole time saying "good boy," with loads of praise in his voice and telling me to look him in the eyes while I swallowed his cock, again an awkward thing to do in that position, but I did. Progressing along asking me questions while I had a mouth full of cock, like "whose the bottom?"... "whose the top?" Making sure he asked all questions when I couldn't really answer. Again, text book (I can read too, lol). I haven't had a lot of experience with Dom guys, not for lack of trying. I know all about FetLife and Recon and am a member on both. But contrary to what many who identify as Dom want, I am not interested in just anyone who says they are "Dom." Some of the stuff just seems silly to me, but ok, but I hate bullies. To me that is a sign of weakness, not strength. I'm into intellectual types who understand mind fuck. Ive seen several who were what I like, but so far they were either not interested in me, prolly because of my age. Tops, Dom or otherwise, have so many to choose from, I don't float to the top of most lists. I look younger than my age, so meeting guys is easier in person. Anyway, this guy at the resort was pushing all my buttons. He obviously was getting into me, and I into him. I'm not particularly oral, though I know how to satisfy most guys with my mouth because I love to please tops, even if it's not what I prefer. I was beginning to think this was all he was into, but then he said: "its time to have the STI discussion." I told him my status of undetectable. We also exchanged ages. He was 53 and figured I was about his age and was surprised when I said "60." I'm just at a place in my life where I refuse to lie if theres any chance of something more than a hook-up, and I was intoxicated by this guy. I was even willing to let him fuck me with a condom, which is saying a lot, though I was pretty adamant that I'm a cum slut... again, complete honesty. He ended up trying to get his hand in me. He was diabetic and said he couldn't chance another chronic disease. But then he volunteered to go out and try and recruit guys to breed me. Lol, holy fuck, another bottom dream come true, eh? And he did, without success, only one guy came back with him and he was a bottom and only wanted to watch. At this point he fucked me with a condom on while this guy watched and came. After, he took me to dinner and we walked to the restaurant. As we walked, he reached over several times and groped my ass, or slid his hand down my crack... it made me crazy (in a good way), kind of a sensuous ownership gesture and I loved it. We spent the night together and next day he barely touched me all day. It was like he'd made a decision that I was out, my guess is because he didn't want a 60 year old poz cum slut. We had a fun day together and when I kinda hinted at the sex, he said his cock was sore and that he wasn't always horny. I get that, but think it was really about a decision he had made, that I just wasn't long term material for him. He flew out to Seattle yesterday and I am flying back to Oregon today. We're FB friends, but I won't be surprised if he never contacts me again. Here's the thing, I totally get that we can't make stuff happen, and I'm not gonna be pathetic about this. I could easily have fallen for this guy, but I'm experienced at life enough to know when something isn't mutual, whatever the reason. I was somewhat open about how much I liked him, but stopped when I saw it wasn't reciprocated... though it sure seemed to be initially. I got a lot out of the experience though, even if my feelings are a little bruised right now. I found out that personality can supersede physical attraction for me. I also found out I am capable of having that giddy head over heels feeling towards a real person (vs just fantasies), that such things are possible, even if remotely so. It's kinda encouraged me to get back on the dating horse after several years of not really trying.

How does one get "accidentally fisted"?

Yeah, was weird... was being too mindless and just trying to get done. I was worried that it would end my activity for the day, but that turned out fine. Takes a lot to keep a slut down.

while cleaning out? I'm at a gay resort, my last day, and I have a possible hook up with a guy later who is into breeding, opening hole, FF. I still haven't had a whole hand, butt am close and think i can take a small one. Here's the thing, I bring my shower douche with me and today something happened that has never happened before. THere's some pretty good water pressure, butt I've had that before. While putting the tip in, I hit a nerve and the pain was excruciating. My hole can look like a pussy when I'm cleaning it and pushing lots of water out, definite ass lips (Likely highly exercised hemmoroids? ). Either way, as best I can tell, I hit one in just the right way and ended up vagaling, had to lie down quick and put my feet over my head (was pretty easy really, a natural position for me). The weird part was the pain, I'm surprised I have not vagaled before, given all the attention my hole has had over there years. Thought maybe I'd broken a hemorrhoid, but no blood, so I obviously just tweaked something. I'm resting it for a bit before I finish cleaning... don't want to not be able to take stuff since it's my last day. Anyone else have something like this happen before?

Yeah. That's why I clarified what I consider "stealthing" vs just having anonymous sex. I agree, disclosure is a complex subject. If a cruising site has a profile section for stating such, I select "undetectable" just as a matter of convenience. It's easier than agreeing to hook up and last minute the other person asks: "are you clean." But I do not consider it my responsibility to assume the other guy wants to know. That's the other edge of the blade that would assume they want it. I only know they want to know if they tell me, I'm not a mind reader either way. To reiterate: stealthing means purposefully deceiving someone who has voiced they wanna know, or wants one to use a condom. My guess is that most steal thing is done by those who declare themselves "clean" but cannot substantiate it. That's just as much of a deception, but I know that fact whenever I have sex and make my own choice to do it anyway sans condom.

I'd like to clarify that to me "stealthing" constitutes deception, it's not the equivalent of anonymous sex. To my way of thinking, if I choose to indulge i anonymous sex, I assume all the risks with that, including contracting an STI. If someone asks me if I am positive, I tell them, but I don't wear a sign around my neck, ring a bell and declare "unclean." If someone wants to have sex with me using a condom, I decline, because sex without cum is incomplete for me, coitus interuptus. The fact that sex is a two way street means both parties are responsible for their self, not the other. If a person expresses to me that they are concerned about STI's and they ask, I will tell them the truth. If they don't ask, then that demonstrates to me that it is not an issue for them. To me, stealthing is the purposeful deception of another person who has asked, or implied by insisting on a condom, for the intent of loading them with a poz load. It's not about the person being poz, but them making a deceptive effort to poz someone who has made it clear they don't want to be poz.

PS i like the fact that we discuss stuff like this here,

Ditto to the many who state it's not ok. Most of us here do not follow normative standards of morality, but that doesn't mean amoral. purposefully trying to poz someone without their consent is wrong. Is it okay to break someone's leg or punch them in the gut (sans permission, lol, some may want that, though I can't see myself finding that okay ), or how about add poison to their drink? I think it's pretty basic, stealthing is purposeful intent to do harm because HIV is a disease, he'll, is wanna know if someone had the flu before kissing them lol

I would say sure, there are some where there is a correlation, but would not equate that with a generalized cause and effect. I think it's a valid question though. Maybe even go a step further: "is self esteem enough for anyone?" I.e., people are social and we need each other. At what point does need become an aberration? Gays represent a social group/culture that has had to question and challenge the norm in order to exist, so barebacking could also be an expression of high self esteem? I am guessing you are implying the risk of HIV? Back before antibiotics, diseases like syphilis and gonorrhea were an issue for anyone (straight or gay). Was it low self esteem for them to engage in bare, non-monogamous sex or was it just going along with ones sex drive? And, even though the risk is less, there is still risk to a top for catching HIV, so we could also ask: "are tops with low self esteem more likely to agree to bareback sex?" Then there's the fact that HIV, syphilis and gonorrhea all have treatments now, it's no longer a devastating thing. I find the whole gay drive, bottom or top, to be fascinating. Evolutionary theory sums up the straight sex drive to survival of the species, which doesn't work for gays in either position. Unless we start considering other factors of survival, like pleasure, connectedness, etc..

I can't imagine, though my experience is tops are pickier than bottoms. Or it just may seem that way because there are way more bottoms that tops, the percentage of picky may be the same, just that 50% of a thousand is a lot more than 50% of ten lol. You may just be experiencing what us bottoms experience all the time... though I do get that you qualify "lately." Idk, you look hot to me.