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GIFTED BY A GUEST! I’m Jimmy, 18, and on the varsity swim team at school. My older brother, Jeff, had this acquaintance named Chris that needed a place to stay. Apparently, he was HIV-positive and his parents had tossed him out. He was gonna stay with us until a bed in the local shelter opened up. The thing is…the only spare bed in the house is in MY room, so he got to sleep with me. I remember…as I was getting undressed for bed, he was staring at me kinda funny…like a wolf looks at a lamb! I woke up suddenly! My bedclothes had been pulled down and this guy was tugging off the briefs that I sleep in. I jerked upright. I blurted, “What in the fuck are you…?” He clamped a hand over my mouth and pushed me back flat on the mattress. “I’m sorry!” he hissed. “I just GOTTA do this! I’m SO FUCKING HORNY. Ever since I saw you get undressed, I just KNEW that I had to have you.” He stuffed my briefs into my mouth and his hands roamed my body, stroking and kneading my flesh. I didn’t really know what to do, so I just lay there. “Fucking SWEET,” he breathed! His mouth descended on first one nipple and then the other. I couldn’t help but feel turned on. He moved down my chest and belly until his lips grazed my cock! Naturally, my dick began to swell. Chris took it in his mouth and brought me to full erection. Chris looked up at me and grinned. “Now comes the GOOD PART!” Gifted by a Guest! He placed his hands under my knees and hoisted them up, pushing them back toward my chest. His face dove into my exposed hole and his tongue did wonderful things, making me moan & squirm. He crawled up between my legs, forcing them apart, until I could feel the head of his cock poking at the entrance to my hole. It felt wet and slippery so he must have been leaking quite a lot of pre-cum. He gazed in my eyes and said, “I can’t wait any longer. Just relax, Baby! You’re gonna love it!” He pulled the underwear from my mouth and began kissing me passionately. He hunched his hips once, twice, then three time and he was all the way inside me. I could only look up at him questioningly as his dick began a slow piston motion…in and out…in and out. He crooned in my ear, “It’s gonna be OK, Baby! This is gonna be the best fuck you ever get!” With that, he settled into a steady fuck pace for a while and I got lost in the rhythm of his stroking and the hushed sounds of two men in heat! I had accepted my fate and was just enjoying the myriad sensations coming from my first poz fuck. Eventually, all good things come to an end, and so Chris shifted gear, picked up his speed and soon was gasping, “I’m gonna cum! I’M GONNA CUM!!!” I got scared and cautioned him, “Quiet! You’re gonna wake the house up!” I grabbed a pillow and held it in front of his face. His hips locked against me ass and he yelled triumphantly into the pillow, “YES!!!” He bucked repeatedly and then collapsed on top of me, exhausted. At some point I must have shot my load, too, because there was a wet patch of sticky sperm between us on our bellies. My eyes filled with tears as I thought, “What have I done? How did I let this happen to me?” Chris looked down at me and said, Thanks, Baby! That was GREAT! I really needed to do that!” I noticed that, in addition to being dismayed by the events, I had been turned on. So much so that wondered if this might happen again. Chris must have been reading my thoughts, for he said, “Tonight we can take our time, Baby! How does a long, slow poz fuck sound to you?”

At a local cruising ground near to where I live ( thank goodness there still a few left !) I arrived at just gone 5 PM, normally a great time as you get lots of guys going home from work. When I arrived there was a large motorbike and a couple of cars. I made my way into the wooded area and found two guys sucking each other off, one guy was a suited businessmen 40s hairy and pleasing on the eye, and the other was the biker in leather jacket etc. They were thoroughly engrossed but I noticed that the biker had his jeans undone and I can see a black thong underneath ( in my experience guys with songs including sites have a large neon signs on the backs saying "Fuck me , preferably bareback". I pulled his jeans down and thong strap to one side and started working his arse, he was loving it. The businessmen also dropped his pants and I started to finger him as well, my idea of heaven. The biker bent right over to suck the businessman ,I worked some saliva up his arse and started to enter him gently, he was loving it. The businessman was obviously getting close and after a certain amount of noise and shuddering came heavily in the bikers mouth. I cupped my hand and put it under the bikers mouth, he understood fully and spat a mouthful of come into my hand. I pulled my cock out and coated my cock head liberally with the cum and pushed back in , this time with the creamy load as lube his arse was like velvet , I went balls deep immediately. With businessman by, and still with him impaled on my cock I shuffled him towards a nearby tree trunk so that I could fuck him properly , i.e. hard and deep. He was loving it pushing back and squeezing down and begging for my load. My favourite part of any fuck is when I'm past the point of no return, I got there and exploded in to his ass. The biker was shaking, when I withdrew come was dribbling over his black thong strap, he turned round and clean me off.

Part 2. It was a Fall gray gloomy evening. I anxiously drove to the given address. It took a good hour. I parked across the street from an older historic style Bungalow home. Unkept exterior. Nothing unusual in this neighborhood. Though, the exterior was dark. It had a front porch with railings that needed work and dead ivy growing to the ceiling. Shrubs that needed trimming. A wrought iron gate around the yard. A gravel driveway that led to a large leaning garage in the back. No vehicles in the driveway. My gaze looked up toward the peak and I saw a round disk diagram star nailed to the upper front exterior wall. I slightly shuttered came over me. My skin began to get chilled. Was I at the right house? It looked abandoned. Though there were some dimly lit windows. I approached the house. some scattered leaves blew in front of me. As to block me. I stepped on them to make a crunching sound. I knocked on the door and stood silently. I heard nothing, but wind blowing leaves. Then I heard “Hey! Over hear.” to my surprise was a shadowy figure sitting in the shadow of the porch. I must have jumped and twisted toward the voice. “Hail Sarah Palin!”. I uttered the same response. The figure man stood up and was taller than I thought. He glided across the porch floor toward me. An illusion since there was no lights on. His arms reached out toward me and embraced me. His left arm slithered down and cupped my crotch and further to my rear ass. He gave a firm grasp of my right ass cheeks. He said, “Come inside.” The unlocked tall door opened up so effortlessly. he still had his had down at my ass kneading my ass cheek and fingering my ass crack. Inside was no different in temperature; cold. And, my eyes were straining to see inside for lack of lighting. The door shut behind us. The wall sconce lights came on dimly to light the walls that had embossed blood burgundy color wall paper. Tall ceilings and dark stained wood floor. Around front room was a main fireplace. A small gas flame flared up to light the fake logs. Above the mantle was a large 4’x6” oil painting what appear to be rows of corn. The painting was disturbing. Perhaps because of the dark colors and the twisting of the corn with a single path leading into darkness. Darkness that seemed mesmerizing and draws the eye in further. Jason was still clinging to me. I was getting excited since my cock was showing signs of getting bigger in my tight jeans. I felt the warmth of the fire inside the fireplace. He guided me to a leather couch and we sat next to each other. At this time I reached out and felt his chest. He was proud as he felt my hands touch his chest. He closed his eyes and took a steady breath inward to extend his chest even further. His right hand firmly grasp around my wrist and pushed further into his upper chest. Pulling my had down to his abdomen and finally to his crotch. Inside his pants was one big hard throbbing cock! Jason spoke up after a few minutes of us fondling each other. “You know why you are here…don’t you?” I looked at him with a sly smirk and said, “Well, yeah!” He responded and said, “I don’t think so!” He proceeded to remove my hand from his crotch and he stood up. He looked so impressive towing over me. He took a few steps toward the fireplace and gazed into it with a silent stare. He spoke in a methodical deep voice. “We want you to join our family. You see, I represent the…clan. A group of close-knit and interrelated group of men. With strong common interest.”

? INTERVIEW WITH A DEMON (WARNING: Deep evil, immoral, ritual, Devil, demonic - story fiction) Like any other day, it starts with the thought of sex. From the time I wake up in the morning with a hard-on. My usual routine is to jack off and start the day. If I don’t, I’m driven to search out sex throughout the day. This particular day, I forgo the jack-off routine and check my ad emails online. Hoping to make a hook-up. I Proceeded to get a couple hits over night. Sometimes I get lucky and others I can tell it’s just plain run-around. I write back or just delete. But, one email caught my eye. It had subject titled “ HAIL Sarah Palin” What the fuck! Not one for scam or wacko emails. I was so close to deleting the email and move on. My finger, curiously moved from the delete button, My hand moved the mouse like a Ouija game board marker. Before I knew it, the email opened up. A brief description opened up above my ad. “Hail brother! We saw your ad. My name is Jason. I’m 45 y.o, 5’-9”, 190#, bald, 8” cock. Let’s meet. Hope to hear back from you!.” It was a simple response. Attached to the email were a couple pics of Jason. One was a close up picture of his thick cock and hanging balls. Though, a couple things caught me off guard. Who is “We”? And what is with this “Hail brother” and “Hail Sarah Palin”? Trembling from the simple email, I was intrigued. Not sure what to do. Being a clean cut type with Christian upbringing, I paused. In the end, I sent back a reply. Very basic email. Not giving out too much information. As I “SEND” my email I started to get up, a “ding” email came back. It was from Jason. Damn, he must have been sitting at his computer anticipating to hear from me. I opened it up and it said he was available anytime. He preferred to meet at his place and in the evening or nights. It gave his text/phone number. It showed local number. Hey, what the heck, I texted him back right away. We had a open basic dialog back and forth for 10 minutes. I wasn’t still sure of what this was all about. I was still intrigued but unsure if I wanted to meet with him. But, he was insistent in meeting this evening. I agreed to time and his place.

This is my first attempt at writing here. Parts of the story are fictionalized, but most is true Part One It all started on rainy fall morning. I was particularly horny and I need some release. I had grown up on a farm in central New York I and was slow to be learning the ways of the world. After coming out and have years of vanilla gay sex, I began exploring the kinkier side of gay. Having moved to Connecticut it was an easy drive or train trip to New York City or Boston to explore those hidden places where men do far more delightful things to each other. I had years of exploration at the Bondage Club and at Renegades. I frequented the leather store on Christopher Street and the leather bars around. Each year I became bolder and bolder is my explorations. One Thanksgiving weekend a friend called and asked if I would like to come to a fisting party. I wasn’t sure I could take a fist but he assured me that he had something that would “assist” me. I prepared for the party and heading to his home. When I got there, there were 8-10 guys there in various stages of undress laughing and I was welcomed warmly. My friend pulled me aside and gave me some Tine to snort. I knew then that this night was going to be fun!! Not to draw out this story, but let’s just say that I soon had a fist in my ass and I knew I had found what I thought the right spot for me. I even progressed rapidly to taking two hands routinely and happily. Of course many fisters also fuck bareback. At first I was very hesitant about taking a raw cock. I had survived the 1980’s and didn’t want to get pozzed. But pigs being pigs, I was soon letting the guys that I knew were safe to topped me fuck me raw, but I never took a load. I don’t know if you guys can relate, but the curiosity of poz became stronger and stronger. Soon I was taking loads for my “safe” friends and letting strangers fuck me but shoot on my chest. That wasn’t enough. I started to attend fisting/roulette parties in Boston where I was one of two or three neg bottoms taking anon loads and getting fisted. A few of my buddies knew of my antics and asked if I wanted to convert. What the hell I thought. I was taking anon cum, why not at least know who pozzed me. They hooked me up with some of their friends that were more than willing to fuck a neg, but all were on meds and undetectable. I was not possessed. So on this rainy day I, finally found a top on BBRT that lived in a home in Queens. He was unmedicated and he loved to gift pigs like me. He was also into all of the other sports I was and we would be partying and playing well into the next day. Ropes, clamps, floggers, vises, you name it. He said he had a play room in his basement and we would have a great time. He refused to unlock his face pic for me, but from the other pics I could see he had a great build, a hot furry chest with eraser nipples and an uncut cock to die for. The hood hung well over his cock head. Something that really turns me on. He sent me instructions on what I was to do. I was to drive to his home and park in his driveway. The garage door would be open. I was to enter the garage, push the button to close it. When closed I was to strip naked, put on a collar, put cotton in my ears, and put a hood on with a mouth hole (he had left them on his car for me to use). When done I was to knock on the door and wait for him to come get me Every bells went off in my head that this was a dangerous situation and that I should not go, but soon I was in my car driving to Queens. I did take the precaution of telling my friends where I was going and the address in case I never showed up again. When I arrived at his home I was so nervous and excited that I had to take a piss right there against my car. Fortunately, it was dark out. I entered the garage and pushed the button

Every profile I post, and every ad I post carries a notice about my status. When I take a room at a bathhouse, I have a sign that goes up in the room with information about my status. If asked, I answer fully and truthfully every time. If I have reason to think the Top might not have come across the information in any other way, I volunteer the information. Why? Because AIDS snuck up on me without warning. The first notice I got that I was HIV+ was after I had come within a hair’s breadth of death from meningitis because HIV had already eaten my CT4 count down to 49. It was only a fluke that I’m alive right now to write this. So for those of you who don’t inform, or worse, lie about your status, let me ask you this - when you finish fucking the guy, are you also willing to take a knife and slit his throat before you leave? Because you have no guarantee that your poz load isn’t going to kill him. The guy who pozzed me came very, very close to killing me and I had no warning. Perhaps he didn’t know himself. But if you do know, and your poz load results in a death, how is that any different than murder by knife? So if you would balk at slitting the guy’s throat, you’d better think twice about lying about your status. If those of you writing about being prepared to suffer debilitating disease and die for some callous bastard who doesn’t give a damn about your life or your well-being are not just expressing a fantasy - if you’re serious - I urge you to speak to a therapist. Your lives have value, even if you can’t see it right now.

1 - Public Toilet early morning bent over in the stall. 2 - Same public toilet short time later. Guy loaded me bent over the hand basin while another guy took a piss. 3 - In a park behind a tree 4 - Carpark behind the shops 5 - Gym changeroom. On the bench in the middle of the chageroom 6 - At another park on a bench. All completely naked. my 18yo slut hole has been well and truely used today.

I laid there in excasty wondering what would come next??? IT had been awhile until the next session with my leatherbrothers was able to be schedule. The wait was well worth it when I met the next member of our brotherhood Steve. Steve a dark haired Italian ,arrived at Mark's dungeon fully dressed in his black leathers which fit him like a second skin. I was already in the sling eager for another leather adventure with my POZ leather brothers Steve stood right in front of me staring into my eyes with his sinister grin which was turning me on just to look at him. A Adonis of a man at 6'4 built like a leather god. slowly he lean over me and began to twist my nipples . This was like a switch that turned my cock on giving me a raging hard on . Steve just smiled and moved closer to my hungry exposed asshole .I could feel his warm leather cod piece pressing against my hungry hole. Steve knelt down at my hole and began to blow at the opening which responded by twitching and opening and closing to his warm manly breath. He commanded me to push open my asslips as wide as I could . He then rimmed my hole along the edges and with each passing my hole began to open more and more to his probing tongue. Deeper and deeper his tongue was able to go that I never Knew were possible . Steve probing of my hole was bringing me almost to climax, but he warned me not to even think about shooting my load as he had other plans . Fuck this was driving me wild and seemed to make Steve just grin. He told me this was going to be a long and very satisfying encounter like done I had ever expericed before . Steve opened his cod piece exposing his 8 inch powerful POZ cock and let it just touch my moist wet gaping hole. He bent over me and as he twisted my nipples began to slowly bring his tongue in contact with my lips. His tongue enter my eager mouth and I could taste my ass juices on his tongue. Passionately we kissed devour each other and nibbling on each other's ears . Steve would whisper to me how wonderful it was to be in our leatherbrotherhood and how he was going to help me develop deeper and deeper into POZ sex . All of which made my cock and ass hole so much more hungry to receive his POZ cock and seed in all my hungry orafices . I knew I needed it deep in my mouth to savor and make out with Steve and to have him plant his seed deep in my asshole for a start.

My asshole was waiting in anticipation of how these hot leather men were going to use my hungry hole. Slowly the sling was raised a bit higher so my twitching hungry hole was right at Joe mouth. He licked my asshole so,tenderly telling me how much he desired to taste a newly Poz hole and how it needed to lust for so much more.Deeper and deeper his tongue probed into my willing hole . Mark took a condom filled with Poz cum and gave it to Joe who proceeded to spread my hole open more lick it ,and then push the cum filled condom into my hungry hole. As Mark held my hole open Joe took a black candle and pushed the Poz filled condom deeper into my gripping hole. Then the sling with my ass end was raised a bit higher and Mark and Joe lit the candle hanging out of my asshole. The others all gather around and watched as the wax dripped and slowly dripped down the candle rigth to the base making a black ring around my hole. Dam this sure did hurt but at the same time watching in the mirrors above me was also turning me on in a whole new way. Mark and Joe came around to my mouth and were sliding their cocks across my mouth as they made out. Two of the other leatherman brought over a cup filled with Poz cum handed it to Mark and Joe who placed the cum on their out stretched tongue then engage in a hot Poz kissing with some of the Poz seed dripping from their mouths on to my eager lips. I sure was getting more and more into this and barely felt the accumulating wax that had built up around my asshole.Mark and Joe both bent down and together gave me a wet cummy kiss readjusted the sling to a level position blew out the candle and removed what was left of it . They used their fingers to draw with the black wax a biohazard. symbol around my hole and blew on my hot cheeks to harder the wax which was also doing a number on my cock. Joe stood rigth at my hole with his erect cock took the black another black candle and pushed it in my asshole till I felt it against the previously cum filled condom up my ass.He told me that it contained all these leathermen's Poz seed. He was going to punch a hole in the condom with the candle and let all the Poz seed lubicate my hole for each of the men to drill it in deeper and deeper . Joe was the first to insert his raging Poz tool into my hungry hole .at first I barely felt it with all that cum in me till he pushed deeper and deeper getting past my second asshole ring driving the cum deeper into me. Mark meanwhile was fucking my face as the other two leather men in leather hoods were chewing on my nipples. My erect 8 inch cock was fully aroused and beginning to leak precum . I watched in the mirror above me as one of the hooded leathermen placed a condom on my cock and rolled in down my erect 8 inch leaking Poz cock. Dam what was this for? I thought, but was enjoying Joe fucking my hungry hole to pay much attention to it .he would slowly back out of my hole and the quickly push back in my wanting lusting hole brining me closer and closer to shooting my cum , but the slow down and almost take his cock all the May out then plunge right back ?FUCK my cock was leaking more and more precum into the rubber . Joe asked me " what do you want ,TELLme ! " "I replied I need your Poz seed in me FUCK IT DEEP BRED ME" and with that JOE began to drive his Poz cock faster and faster into me as I was begging him to recharge my lusting cunt .I looked into his eyes as I could feel him getting closer and he bent over me kissed me and we both shot our hot Poz loads I laid there in excasty wondering what would come next???

5 so far. About to go to a park and several more.

When I qualify a bottom of insatiable, I mean as a compliment. The thoughts of him needing more dicks turns me on. Show me you're a sex addict just like I am. I don't care if I'm not "enough" for the bottom. I'd gladly look out for other tops to dump a load in him if needed. Until I take my turn again. It's a bit of a challenge, trying to feed the hunger of am insatiable slut, until he asks to stop. It's also a challenge between tops, who will be the better fuck.

This night is one I remember vividly. I had been taking more than one load in one night but it was always with single guys when I was cruising the park at night since I was 17. My very first time with multiple guys in one session if I remember correctly was the first time I went on vacation to a gay clothing optional resort in Gran Canaria. I was in my 20s then and was actually scared as hell not knowing what to expect from a resort like that. This is pre-internet, something you can hardly imagine now, the only thing I knew about it was what I had read in the Gay Times, a UK magazine, and those reviews were not very explicit. But it was exciting being nude around other guys and getting an all-over suntan. And after a few days you get to know the other guests around the pool and when you met them in the evening bumping into each other at bars and clubs. I hit it off with with 4 guys from the UK. They were a bunch of very outgoing best mates (not two couples) and we went out together at night. After a drunken night at the bars I ended up in one of their bungalows for a "night cap". Must have been around 4 or 5am. I had been slutting in dark rooms that night and already had a few loads in me. Can't really remember how it started but at one point I was sucking one the guys. One thing led to another and I got banged by all four guys. They were probably vers but I was the "cute Dutch guy with the hot arse". Can't remember how many loads I got, likely just four, all being intoxicated, but I remember waking up in my own bed in the morning and feeling ashamed. Couldn't really believe what I had done and felt like a real slut (not that I wasn't one in the park...). It was more about facing them that day. What would they think? Well, they thought they had had a good time. When I got to the pool one of them yelled "hey, there's the little cum slut!" All eyes around the pool were on me and I thought I'd die. But they all laughed it away and things were like normal although I could see other guests looking (leering?) at me. We had a repeat session before they had to leave two days later. Not so drunk this time and longer. My nickname at the resort was "Dutch cum slut" by then (they obviously had blabbed to the other guests) and I had no problem getting laid in the following week ? Mostly singles or couples though. I went back the next year LOL.

5:05pm Cloud 9 Inn, Inglewood CA, Room 206. Just got through breeding a latino cumdump. Door was unlocked, dark room, face down, ass up, on the edge of the bed. Love that type of breeding. His ass was already loaded up like hell no need to lube. Fucking bred his ass for long time since no one else was coming in. I took my time on that ass and dumped 2 loads in him. His ass was so loose and leaking when I was done. I'm coming back for a second round tonight!

Shot a nice big load up a fit lad's arse earlier this morning. I'm up in Scotland at the moment staying in a hotel in the centre of Glasgow. Totally unplanned - was just chatting to him on line. He wanted me to fuck him but didn't have much time as he was on his way to work. I told him I was not long up and hadn't showered or anything but he said he didn't care. He arrived in my hotel room about ten minutes later - he was really fit - late 20s, dressed smartly in a shirt and tie, smart trousers and shoes. He sucked my cock for a while and licked my arsehole (even though he knew I hadn't showered) and then bent over the bed. I fucked him bareback and shot what felt like a massive load right up him. He grinned, pulled up his pants and left to go to work. So if you are shopping in the centre of Glasgow today and visit a well known clothes and home furnishing retailer, the lad who serves you might have my cum leaking into his smart designer underpants.

Part 14 After Justin pulled out it was time for the each member of the group to take a turn at seeding the straight boy’s ass. All the while keeping him extremely high and filling his head with the idea that he would only be sexually satisfied by a cock in his ass. Jason knew he was getting fucked, his brain struggling with the conflict of disgust and the pleasure he was receiving. What he didn’t know was that each load given to him had that extra special ‘gift’. The figured to slowly expose him to the truth that they were not only turning him into a bareback bottom, but a pozzing his straight, neg ass (a double conversion). It was well into Saturday afternoon even they finally let him out of the sling to have a break, get some food in him before continuing his double conversion. Jason could feel humans coming down from the drugs and surprised the group by asking, “Think I can get another one of those slams before I start getting fucked again?” When Justin hard his brother’s request he looked him in the eye and asked, “Is my little bro starting to like getting fucked while high?” Jason couldn’t deny the transformation he was experiencing as he willingly climbed back into the sling, held out his arm and simply said, “Yes, slam me up and fuck me please.” If Jason was asking for a slam, the group figured he should get a double slam, one in each arm. That would send him higher then he’d been to that point. As Jason watched then apply the tourniquet to his right arm he felt the other arm being worked on. With a number of the group watching the administering of the double slam he knew not to question or resist. Both points were inserted almost simultaneously as they counted down “3-2-1” and both points are emptied together into Jason’s veins. The tourniquet on the right arm was removed first. Jason felt the familiar warmth into his chest followed by a strong cough. As his rush began the tourniquet on the left arm was removed. Jason was not prepare for the additional meth. He coughed out hard 4-5 times and could barely focus on anything going on around him as he drooled and attempted to speak. Some around him thought to hear him say “Oh fuck yeah” others thought he said “Oh fuck me”. Either way, Jason was again getting fucked as each and every member there dropped dirty load after dirty load inside Jason’s ass. By this point Jason was definitely enjoying getting fucked as he clearly was moaning in pleasure with every thrust have into him. A little over an hour later he started become more coherent and was clearly heard saying, “Come on, fuck that ass. Give me that cock of yours. I need you to fucking breed me.” David was fucking him at this point and figured now was as good of a time as any to let the formerly straight jock know what he was really getting. Looking down at Jason without breaking his fuck stride David asked, “Does our jock boy like getting fucked? You gonna take dick in your ass from now on? Is Jock boy through with female pussy? You ready to be our bareback bottom cum dump?” David punctuated each question with a hard and deep thrust. Jason would answer after each question, “Yes”. It’s was the last question that caught him a little bit by surprise when David asked, “Are you ready to get pregnant? Ready for my gift? You ready for another dirty load of cum? Ready for my high poz viral load?” Jason knew from the start that every guy who fucked him was fucking him bare. Hell that’s how he fucked the girls from school, of the girls he fucked thought he got her pregnant only for her to have her period a week later. But now he was the one getting fucked raw and hacking guys shoot their cum inside his body. Seeing a slight look of shock on his younger brother face Justin leaned in towards his brother telling him, “That’s right little bro, after we’re done with you this weekend you’re going to be just like the older bro, a cock craving gay bareback, HIV positive bottom. You’ll be laying in bed from now not just thinking about a cock in your ass, but a bare, raw cock that will eventually gives you exactly what you need besides a good fucking. It will give you the cum you truly want.” As much as the thought of being HIV positive upset Jason, he knew deep then that he was having the next sex in his young life. He looked up at David, who was getting close to delivering his toxic load, and said, “FUCK! Give me your dirty load. Get me fucking pregnant.” That was all David needed to hear as he slammed balls deep into Jason and emptied his balls into the new cum dump, bareback bottom.

I wrote the original story over a year ago, I appreciate the feedback I’ve received and never got to writing that second chapter but I owe it to those who patiently waited (and asked ;-)) —Again, this is mostly fantasy with inspiration drawn from reality— *Part 2* “Knock knock.” I awoke with a start. How long had I been asleep? It felt like hours but it was more like a few minutes since the porn scene on TV had not changed. “Knock knock.” Oh right, someone was at my door. “Yeah?” I called out while scrambling to hide my contraband in case it was a nosy worker. “It’s me” a familiar voice said and I opened the door to see the Latin stud who had promised to come back. And sure enough, he wasn’t alone. “Sorry, I dozed off,” I said, closing the door behind us. “What’s your name again?” He smiled. “Sorry, I didn’t give it to you earlier. I’m Gabriel.” He motioned to his friend. “This is Jairo, one of my buddies I was tellin’ you about.” My cock started twitching as I surveyed our new company. He was Latino as well, but in his late twenties with closely buzzed hair, several tattoos on his arms and torso, and the hint of a six-pack I was instantly reminded of some boys I went to high school with. I extended my hand to shake. “Hey man, I’m Dino.” He caught my hand at the middle and I had to quickly change my handshake into a fistbump. “Sup bro. Nice ass!,” he added. We stripped off our towels and it was my turn to gush. He was already hard and his cock looked to be about nine inches with a wide, uncut head and a thick vein framing the shaft. “Fuck! That’s nice,” I blurted out, I pulled out the pipe and lighter and offered it to both of them. “I like shotguns by the way,” I said and Jairo nodded as he lit the bowl and rolled it while I got on my knees. He bent down and blew into my mouth, and I wrapped my lips around his head while exhaling a solid cloud of vapor. I felt a tingling in my head as the smoke rolled and directed my senses towards pleasuring the piece of meat in my mouth. “Mmmmmmmmm!” was all I could muster as I started bobbing my head back and forth, adjusting to his girth and length. “Fuuck yea... that’s wassup,” they both grunted in approval while Gabriel started stroking his own, now hard, cock. He then took a long hit and I only pulled my mouth away from the dick in my mouth long enough for a hot, cloudy kiss. More tingling in my brain. “Fuuuck,” I growled as he grinned at me. Jairo patted the mattress, “Up on the bed, I wanna see this dick splitting you.” I eagerly did as I was told and in an instant was on all fours with my ass pointed up. “Fuckin hot,” I heard as Jairo ran his throbbing member up and down my still cum-glazed hole. I started whimpering like a slut in heat as he teased me. “Yeah? You want this bareback dick in you?” he whispered in my ear as I nodded in earnest. “Please.... please stick it in,” I pleaded. “You got it, boy,” he laughed and pushed the head past my hole in one blink. “Oh shit!” I exclaimed as my eyes widened in a mix of pain and pleasure. I turned around to see Jairo closing his own eyes in apparent satisfaction. I knew he wanted to inch his way in but I couldn’t control myself and thrust my ass back on the entire length. “Oh, oh FUUUCK! SHIT,” Jairo moaned as my hole flexed, placing his hands on my sides while Gabriel handed me the pipe. I was so lost in my haze I hadn’t realized he was recording me with his phone. “Nice,” I said, indicating the camera. Looking into the lens, I took the longest hit I could hold while at the same time Jairo slowly started to fuck me. The feeling was bliss and I slowly exhaled another solid cloud of smoke. Gabriel slowly nodded in approval behind the camera and I began thrusting myself to meet Jairo’s jabs. “Fuuuck! Ah! Ah! Ah!Ahhhhhhhyyyyeeeeahhhh,” I screamed into the pillow as he bottomed out and almost hit my second hole. “You like that?” My answer must have been written on my face; “‘Course you do,” he said with a shit-eating grin on his face. “You’re so good... fuckin’ slut getting what he needs.” “Uh-huh,” I automatically nodded as Gabriel set the phone down to give me another shotgun. “Turn over, so he can fuck you missionary,” he muttered and resumed recording. I flipped over and held my legs wide for Jairo to continue his assault on my hole. Facing each other, I now noticed a biohazard tattoo near his hip. “Oh shit!” I thought to myself. I admit I had been turned on by pozzing stories and videos but it was something I never acted on. But now, in my drug-fueled swirl, the flash of hesitation I felt evaporated and a primal desire gripped me as I became fully turned on by the fact that this cholo was barebacking my negative hole with his poisoned rod. “You like charged dick, huh boy?” Jairo asked as he entered all the way and bent forward to kiss and pacify my whimpering with his lips and tongue. He straightened up and closed his eyes. “Oh fuck, oh fuck,” was all I could say as I relaxed my body and looked up at the two men with me. “Shit, puto, I’m getting close,” Jairo suddenly said after a few minutes, biting his lip. “Ready for my babies?” he asked and his pace picked up. “Knock that pussy up?” My mind was on autopilot as I gasped out “Yeah! Yeah! Flood me, knock me up with your poz juice!” “Yeah?! You sure? Well - here - it - fucking - COMES! F-F-FUCK!!!!” he yelled and slammed his weight on me as I felt his cock pulse rope after rope of his dirty seed into my hole. “Yeeahhhhh, poz him up, that’s it, that’s it boys,” Gabriel said as Jairo steadied his breath and slowly pulled out. “Don’t worry, you’re still getting more,” he added as I looked longingly at his cock. He straddled my face and lowered himself so I could greedily slurp it clean of all the sweet juices dripping from his foreskin. “Damn bro, you’re fuckin’ down with it. I like that,” Jairo said need a cigarette and shower, catch you in a bit?” “Fuck yeah, for sure!” I said, laying down to relax and let the rush subside. We fist-bumped again and he stepped out, leaving Gabriel and I alone. “You like G?,” he asked and pulled a small bottle and dropper from a bag he’d brought with him. It’d been a while since I’d taken any but I absolutely loved the way it made me even more of a pig. I nodded. “Ooh, yeah.” I took the bitter dose, washed it down with my Gatorade and began the waiting game. That’s all for now!

I've been busy and a few chapters I came up with I don't really like how they turned out so they're in the bin. ------ Part 78 - The Role Play Ryan tapped out his reply hinting that he was running out of patience and wasn’t interested in just messaging back and forth. It was a hookup app, after all. He knew more about this guy’s life than he did his own boyfriend’s from the two weeks worth of messages. The guy seemed nice enough - just out of a relationship that ended because he was accused of being too vanilla. The guy asserted he wanted to be a lot more adventurous but wasn’t sure how. Ryan had told him that he too had once been quite vanilla, but had evolved into a try-almost-anything guy. He even told him that he could help the guy out. When his phone buzzed he almost ignored it, figuring the guy was going to keep dragging it out and not meet. His curiosity won out, though, and he looked. “Can we meet tonight?” was the message and Ryan had to read it two or three times to make sure he was reading it right. Ryan smiled. Tonight was his night off and Steven was working until close. "Sure. When? Where?” Ryan replied. A minute or so later he got an answer. “8? My place.” Another message got the address which was a dorm room near his own. Ryan sent a message to Steven telling him he was going to hookup and should be home a little later than him. He cleaned up and grabbed some lube, condoms (both tampered and safe) and a bottle of poppers and was on his way. Ryan knocked on the door of the dorm in a building a few blocks from his. The door opened and there stood the guy, obviously nervous. “Uh… Hi…” the guy said as he looked over Ryan. Ryan was checking out his hookup and at least the pics seemed to match the guy. He was standing there in basketball shorts and a tank top, his short military cut hair topping a cute face with a little chin patch goatee. His body was average - neither muscled nor skinny and Ryan knew he wasn’t hiding a six-pack under his shirt. His legs seemed to be pretty hairy and his long toes matched his long fingers. Ryan would soon find out that his hookup had a decent cock, but his bigger interest was the firm ass and tight hole that he had. There was no ink, no piercings, not even an sinister grin that said that this guy had any edge to him at all. Hopefully he would let Ryan push him past his staid sexual past and get at least a little wild. “Hi. Can I come in or are we just going to look at each other here for a while?” Ryan said jokingly. “Oh… Sorry. Yeah, come on in. I’m Jon.” “Hi Jon, Ryan. Nice room you have here. Looks like a few thousand other ones on campus. You have a roommate?” Ryan asked. “Yeah, he’s at his girlfriend’s apartment and won’t be back until midnight or tomorrow morning,” Jon replied. “Cool. There’s nothin worse than having a guy’s roommate walk in mid-fuck. Had it happen once and it was really awkward,” Ryan with a chuckle, while looking around the room. “This is my bed… uh… I guess we can use it,” Jon said pointing out the bed on which was positioned a large teddy bear. Ryan immediately decided that he was going to have to take charge or this session would take all night. He walked over and sat down on the bed and then lay back, remarking “Come on, I won’t bite unless you’re into that.” Jon cautiously went to the bed and sat, leaning a bit so he was angled towards Ryan, who asked “Your profile says you’re a bottom and looking to get more adventurous. What kinds of things have you done?” “Nothin crazy. Just sucking 'n' fucking,” Jon replied, clearly uncomfortable.. “Yeah, that’s definitely not crazy. It’s pretty much the bare minimum. What kinds of stuff do you want to try?” Ryan asked. “Uh… I… don’t know. My boyfriend, uh… ex-boyfriend said I was a boring fuck. I don’t know what to do to make it different,” Jon replied, now visibly upset and seemingly almost about to cry. “Do you watch any porn? You can get lots of ideas there. Some of ‘em suck, but it gives you a place to start” Ryan replied, realizing that this might be a lot more work than he was planning on. “No, I’ve never watched any porn. I was too scared that people would think I was a perver,” Jon answered. “If you have a roommate that spends most of his time away, you have a perfect place to watch some porn and jerk off while you see some of the stuff that guys do besides just suck 'n' fuck,” Ryan said looking around the room. Spying a tablet he asked "Is this yours?” Jon nodded and Ryan picked it up. He opened a browser and headed to his favorite porn site. “First thing you do is use private mode on the browser. That way these sites don’t end up in your history so if anyone looks through your tablet, then they don’t know you’ve been looking at porn,” Ryan explained. Jon nodded and moved over closer to Ryan to see the screen. “This site has a section for gay porn and then here you can see categories. Just pick what turns you on and look at the little preview windows,” Ryan continued, selecting the category 'fetish'. He noted with amusement Jon’s mouth drop at some of the titles and the pictures. “We could watch some bits of these vids and then do the same things ourselves, or we could just set up a scene and do it,” Ryan suggested. “Uh, let's try the second one,” Jon said, apparently stunned by the images. “OK, this is called role play. We think up a scene, like in a movie, and just ad lib it,” Ryan explained as he stood up and set the tablet on the desk. He knew he was going to have to direct everything, but figured he could make it as hot as he wanted. “How do I know what to do? Or say?” asked Jon. “Just think what someone in that situation would do. There’s probably not going to be much talking after the first few minutes anyway,” Ryan replied. “Do you have any ideas?” Jon asked innocently and falling right into Ryan’s hands. “Uh… Let me think… OK. Take your clothes off and lay down on your bed. Let’s say I found you in your room in a bath house. I’ve been cruising around looking for a hot guy to fool around with. OK?” Ryan said as he pushed his shoes off and dropped his jeans. “What’s a bath house?” Jon asked as he nervously stripped his shorts and shirt off. “A gay bath house is a place where guys can go to fuck. They usually have a public place to play and a sauna or pool, showers, a locker room, and a bunch of private rooms you can rent if you don’t want guys watching you fuck” Ryan said. “I don’t think I would go to a place like that,” Jon responded. “Not before. But as you get more curious about sex, you might want to try it. Now, lay face down,” Ryan said. Jon looked back at Ryan now standing in his room naked except for a bulging jock strap. He felt intimidated since Ryan seemed to feel so comfortable naked in front of a stranger. He lay down on his stomach and looked off the side of the bed, unsure of what Ryan might do next. Ryan walked up to the bed and rubbed his hand over Jon’s firm, lightly furry ass. “Mmmm. Nice. I assume since you left the door open, you’d like some company,” Ryan said, dragging a finger along the crack in Jon’s ass. Jon gasped. There was a long pause as he just looked up at Ryan. “Uh… yeah I… would,” Jon said. “Since you’re showing your pretty ass off, I’m gonna guess you like to get fucked which is good, since I’m looking to fuck a hot hole,” Ryan said as he moved his body up to Jon’s head while letting his fingers run down Jon’s back. Ryan’s cock was now straining the fabric and with one finger he pulled open the side and let it pop free. Jon looked at the stiff shaft that was right in front of his face. “I think you should suck it first and get it slick with your spit,” Ryan said. Jon’s eyes were wide open and Ryan could feel his body trembling under his fingers. Slowly, Jon moved closer and first started to lick with his tongue around the head and then down the cock. “Come on, open up and suck it like a good bottom boy should,” Ryan said. Jon was startled. No one had ever talked to him like that. He had only sucked six cocks before that night and most had pushed him to his knees and then guided his head to their cocks and then let him bob up and down on it until they wanted to fuck him or they came in his mouth. Ryan felt Jon’s lips surround his cock and then Jon started to suck. Ryan put his hand on the back of Jon’s head and started pushing Jon’s head further down. Jon had never really had his face fucked and having a cock being thrust into his mouth and then throat was a new experience. He tried not to panic but it took a few minutes to relax and get used to having a cock fill his mouth. Ryan was just nudging the tip of his cock into Jon’s throat, knowing if he went further that Jon would gag and probably puke. When he felt Jon relax he gave a few more strokes and pulled Jon’s head off his cock. “Pretty good, cocksucker. Let’s see if you’re even better on your knees,” Ryan mused. Jon looked up at Ryan who was backing away from the bed to give him room to kneel. He rolled off the bed and was embarrassed to see his cock pointing straight out. Normally his cock stayed soft the entire time he was having sex. “Hurry up, I know this isn’t the first time you’ve been on your knees in front of a cock. You probably have been on them all day, sucking every guy you could find in here,” Ryan said. Jon was a little confused but then realized it must be part of the role play. Ryan guided Jon’s head back on his cock and started to thrust in while holding his head still. After several minutes of face fucking, Ryan paused, instructing Jon “Relax your throat.” Then Ryan slowly pushed his cock all the way in. Jon’s lips were planted on Ryan’s trimmed pubes and he held it there for several seconds until he could feel Jon fighting to pull away. “Yeah, that felt good. You need to practice more so you can stay down longer” Ryan said while Jon gasped for air. Jon instinctively went back down on Ryan’s cock and after a dozen strokes, pushed all the way down on his own. He counted the seconds off and got to seven when he had to pull back. He looked up and Ryan was staring back down at him with a big grin. He inhaled deeply and did it once again, making it to nine seconds before he had to breathe. “See, you just need practice. Now, show me that hot ass of yours again. Bend over the bed” Ryan commanded. “Yes, sir” Jon said. He laid his chest on the mattress and his knees were on the floor. He was worried since he couldn’t see what Ryan was going to do. Moments later, he felt two hands pull has ass apart and then Ryan spat on his hole. This was different than all of the other times he had been fucked. His ex usually had him on all fours, lubed up his cock and then dropped some lube on his hole and then pushed in. He could feel the cool air on his wet hole and then felt the hot breath blow on it. Ryan buried his face in Jon’s butt, attacking the taint and Jon’s hole with his tongue. Jon jumped but then felt a firm hand slap his ass. Ryan ate and sucked on the hole and was surprised that for as little experience that Jon had he did know how to clean his hole out. Moans were coming out of Jon and the pitch changed as he experienced each new way that Ryan’s tongue could pleasure him. He wiggled and pushed his ass back, wanting to feel the sensations even deeper. Suddenly Ryan sat back and the cool air once again hit his hole. Jon felt empty. He wanted Ryan’s tongue back working on his pussy. Instead, he felt one of Ryan’s fingers rub round the pucker and then push in. This too was a new feeling and when Ryan pushed a second finger in he began moaning again. Then a third finger squeezed in. This was much bigger than his ex’s cock and the twisting and pushing felt really different. His moans now alternated with whimpers. Jon had always loved getting fucked. He was always mesmerized by the feelings as a cock would fuck in and out of his hole. He would stay still and just concentrate on the feeling. Usually his ex would fuck a while and either cum in the condom or the lube would wear off and then the pleasure turned to pain for Jon and he would make his ex pull out and masturbate until he came all over Jon’s back. Ryan pulled his fingers back and squirted some lube into the slightly gaping hole before he pushed his fingers back in. “You’ve been a naughty bottom boy, haven’t you. I feel cum inside you. You’ve let all those other guys fuck you bare and then cum inside you,” Ryan said with a smirk. He gave a few more strokes with his fingers before pulling them out and then moving in. He slicked his cock up with a little more lube and then tapped his bare cock on Jon’s hole. “NO!” Jon said and then added “They all used condoms. I always use condoms. They just said they used a lot of lube since I’m tight.” Ryan chuckled, realizing that Jon had actually continued the role play. “Yeah, a lot of guys use that excuse. They fucked you raw and then bred you. No need for me to waste a condom if they didn’t,” Ryan said as he pushed in. “Oh my god. No. Please!” Jon said as he felt the cock slide into his hole and then pop past the ring. It did feel different and he knew that Ryan’s cock was longer and thicker than his ex’s, yet seemed to go in so much easier. The fear and panic quickly disappeared as Ryan rocked his hips and filled more and more of Jon’s cunt with cock. Ryan dripped a little more lube on his cock before he started to really drill in. Jon let Ryan fuck him and once again was concentrating on the feeling in his hole from the shaft pumping in and out of his ass. He was frozen on the bed and floor while Ryan fucked him. Whack! Ryan slapped his ass, leaving a large red mark. “Come on, work that ass. Show me you like getting fucked” Ryan said. Jon was shaken out of his trance. “Do what?” he asked. Whack! “Do it! Work your hole around my cock” Ryan said. He tried to squeeze his hole but wasn’t sure that Ryan could feel it. “More! And rock those hips back” Ryan said. That he knew he could do, so Jon pushed his chest off the bed and pushed back against Ryan’s inward thrust. Suddenly he realized he was really part of the fuck. The sensations got stronger as Ryan’s cock pounded into him and he pushed into Ryan. Jon’s cock was still rock hard and now he was feeling Ryan’s balls slap into his. Ryan hammered in several times and then pulled his cock all the way out, leaving Jon pushing back against air. “Don’t want to cum just yet… Get up on the bed on your back, leaving your ass over the edge” Ryan said. Shocked at the sudden emptiness, Jon did as he was told without thinking. All he wanted was to feel that cock back inside him. Ryan rolled him back on his shoulders and said “Grab your legs, pull em back” as he tapped his cock against the open hole. Ryan looked down at Jon and smiled, pushing his bare cock back inside. “Oh fuck!” Jon exclaimed as every inch slid into his hole. Ryan’s hips rolled and he started fucking faster and faster while leaning over between Jon’s legs. He reached forward and twisted Jon’s nipples and felt Jon’s hole clamp down on his cock. His moans and grunts got louder and louder as did Jon’s, anyone walking by the room would know that someone was getting fucked. Fifteen minutes of pounding and Ryan knew his time was up. His balls were pulled tight to his body and his cock was throbbing with each stroke. He looked down at Jon and locked eyes with him. He saw Jon in total bliss and said “I’m gonna breed you.” Jon nodded, unable to do much else but enjoy the new feelings. Ryan thrust his cock in deep and felt his cock pulse as shot after shot of charged seed pumped into Jon’s unsuspecting chute. He slammed his cock in twice more as the last spurts of cum filled the sloppy hole. Ryan stood there staring back at Jon for a few more moments and then pulled his cock out and lowered Jon’s legs. He grabbed Jon’s shorts and wiped the cum off his cock and went over and put his clothes on. Jon was still panting on his bed, stunned at what just happened. “Hey, you want me to leave the door open so the other guys can take a turn on that great ass of yours?” Ryan said as he slowly opened the dorm room door. Jon replied “No, I’m done for tonight. I hope we can do it again some time.” “Yeah, that turned out a lot better than I thought it would. Same time tomorrow. You’re going to make a good cum dump” Ryan said as he walked through the door.

My general profile advice. Standards are sexy. Don't say stuff like "Will take ANY raw cock!" I know you're a slut. You're on a hookup site. We're all sluts. But geez, at least try to make me feel like you find me somewhat attractive. (Note: don't be too obnoxious with this. For example, if you're a size queen, it's OK to say so. But insisting that only men with 9+ inches fuck you is unrealistic unless you're an A-list porn star.) Try not to come across as a greedy, needy bottom. The last thing I want to hear from you is "Do you have any friends who are also tops you can bring?" Remember: we're getting into this scene for BOTH of us. Also, demanding the top show up RIGHT NOW or it's off forecloses on the possibility of sex in the future. Not smart. Read my profile. Think of that first contact as kinda like putting in a job application. You want to show that you'd be a good fit for the top (pun very much intended). So, my profiles usually say, "I tend to go for guys between 30 and 60." If you're outside that age range, you might say something like, "I know you don't usually go for guys my age, but we really line up when it comes to X, Y and Z." That sort of thing. Be specific in your own profile. If your first message is a job application, your profile is your resume. For example, I've often seen 50-something guys say "I'm only into younger guys." What does that mean? I'm in my mid-40s, so I'm younger than you. Or do you mean guys in their 20s? If you have a preference, state it clearly. It will help us find each other. Having and expressing your preferences shows me that you have standards, which is sexy. If you don't have any standards at all, then you're probably beneath mine. And a profile full of "Ask Me's" gets ignored. Not really germane to the question, but a couple pet peeves: 1) Don't ghost. If something comes up, something comes up. I'll understand. And I'll appreciate knowing whether or not to expect this to go forward. 2) If I hit you up and you can't or don't want to hook up, please have the courtesy to tell me. And let me know if you not interested at all, or if you'd like to hook up but can't right now, so I know if I should hit you up later or not. 3) Be truthful. Have up to date pics. Include your true HIV status. Have your accurate age, dick size, and other stats. Also, if you are using drugs of any kind, please be very honest and up front about that (as in tell me in your first message, even if I don't ask). Lots of guys out there are recovering from drug problems (myself included) and it can be incredibly dangerous to walk into a situation where they are or have been present (even if you put them away...trust me, I know what you've been up to).

Part 19 - The Plan Takes Shape It had been a hard few days sat with the architects and tomorrow they would come up with the new draft plans. Daniel's father David was flying in today for a couple of days to make sure the plans looked sound after all he co-signed the finances and agreed the budgets for renovation and builds. The evening was clear with a bright moon casting it's glow through the palm trees, Daniel and Jordan sat one side of the table whilst Lucy and David the other on the veranda of their suite. David looked between Jordan and Daniel "You two seem to be completely different here, relaxed and happy". Daniel smiled "I think we just both love being in Barbados and together father". David laughed "Like father like son. This is also where I proposed to your mother". Lucy giggled "Well actually it was on the beach but on a night very much like this". It was such a perfect evening, Lucy and David were happy from just the looks on Daniel's face. As the boys left to go back to their suite David turned to Lucy. "Do you have any idea who you will get to run this place?" as he took her hand and sat in the swing seat. Lucy kissed him "Yes and I think you know who I have in mind, but we will wait until after thanksgiving". "Why then?" he asked curiously. "Well we have thanksgiving with Nicky and Kit, then I think we will come here for a week and do it then" she replied. David stood up and looked down at Lucy "Come on wifey I want to take you to bed!". They breakfasted together at Lucy and David's suite as the architects were meeting them here at 10am. Daniel hoping that it would not take all day as we wanted some beach time this afternoon. Lucy told Jordan that next week he had to meet the British Embassy in Bridgetown to get his right to work visa for the UK processed, the downside was they would both have to stay on for another week, Daniel and Jordan pretended to pull upset faces whilst grinning. It wasn't long before the architects arrived and the plans were laid out and they all sat down around the table in the suite lounge area. The current Orchid Wing was first under the spotlight, some of the larger suites would be rebuilt as club rooms and the two Salinger Orchid suites would be made in to 4 rooms with private pool. Lucy took her pen and wrote at the top of the plan 'Club By Salinger', Daniel looked up at his mother and said it was perfect, Lucy smiled and said it was Steve's suggestion. Overall the Club By Salinger wing would have 25 rooms in the redesign. The new Orchid Wing plan looked amazing but there were now 28 suites Jordan noticing this pointed to 3 large 2 bedroom suites with private pools to the far end directly on the beach. Lucy explained they would be the most exclusive suites similar to the Salinger Orchid suite they were in now, he also noticed that the garden suites had gone and were now all pool facing, he took a pencil and suggested they were called Salinger Orchid suites, Orchid Pool suite, Orchid Beach suites and Orchid suite. Lucy and David both nodded and Daniel was happy for once to be taking a back seat. The plan was signed off and finances agreed and work would start rebuilding Saffron Cove in December. Daniel stood and proclaimed that it was beach time, Lucy and David only to happy to put work down for a few hours joined them on the beach. The few days that David and Lucy spent in Barbados with Daniel and Jordan had been the most amazing time. Jordan had come to realise that Daniel loved his parents very much, and it would break Lucy's heart if he stepped back from the business. From that moment he envisioned his life with Daniel and how great it would be if it was here in Barbados, he smiled to himself and went over to say good bye to Lucy and David as they were flying back to the UK. "We will see you at the end of next week, Jordan don't forget the embassy visit" Lucy reminded him. Jordan gave her a kiss and hug "Thank you Lucy". "I will get the flights to LA sorted out and then we can fly down here for a couple of weeks" Lucy said to them all. Daniel kissed his mother "Is Sarah and Darren coming out as well?" he asked about his sister. Lucy laughed "Don't be silly, you know she doesn't like the heat so much and they are going to Darren's parents". Daniel looked disappointed "We must see them when we are back in the UK, Jordan hasn't met them yet". She ruffled his hair "Why don't you see if Steve and Callum can join us". "That would be great, thank you mother" Daniel cheered up. Lucy turned to Jordan "And see if your parents can make it down here as well as our guests". "I am sure they would love to" Jordan replied. "Oh, one other thing Sofie is off to LA tomorrow do you boys mind running the hotel for a week?" Lucy asked them. Jordan replied straight away "Of course I think we can manage a week okay" laughing as he said it. Sofie appeared and said good bye and the three of them watched Lucy and David head off in the limo. Daniel intrigued by the last minute request probed Sofie, all she would say is that Lucy had asked her to manage the refurbishment of the LA hotel. She told Daniel and Jordan that she would pop by the suite in the morning to hand over. Daniel and Jordan returned to the beach to catch the last few rays of the day, they laughed about the enormous task of coordinating all the family and friends to join them. Surprisingly Jordan's parents said yes immediately, Steve and Callum initially said yes but would need to confirm the following day. Finally the sun disappeared beyond the horizon, they laid there at the water's edge relaxing at the tranquillity. The last few guests disappeared back up to the hotel, Cael finished locking the bar area up and waved good bye and disappeared as well. Jordan put his arm around Daniel and kissed him then suggested they have one last swim before dinner. Jordan dived in and Daniel followed, he looked back at the deserted beach, the only sounds was the sea lapping against the shore gently. Daniel floated on his back looking up at the looming night sky as Jordan watched him, slowly he made his way over in between his legs and Daniel let out a giggle at the feeling of Jordan grabbing his legs and pulling him closer until their crotches touched and rubbed against each other. Daniel grabbed Jordan's arms his legs closed around Jordan's waist pulling himself in to an upright position, his arms moved around Jordan's neck, their mouths only inches apart and slightly opening and their lips met and tongues dived for prime position. The lovers kissed against the dusk, two silhouettes embraced with total love for each other, Jordan moved his arm down around Daniel's arse and then freeing his cock and holding it he pulled Daniel's trunks to one side. Daniel opened his eyes wide in surprise as he felt the head of Jordan's cock slipping inside him, Jordan quickly glanced around checking the beach was still deserted. A moan escaped Daniels lips as Jordan penetrated him fully, slowly thrusting up he began to make love to Daniel in the Caribbean Sea. Daniel responded by kissing him urgently but with such tenderness that only intimate lovers could share. Daniel threw his head back and arched his back away from Jordan in the throws of ecstasy, he gasped and cried quietly as his action caused his arse to sink deeper on to Jordan's undulating hips. Jordan looked lovingly in to Daniel's eyes as his cock pulsated erratically as he tried to hold his orgasm back for a while longer, it was futile as he wanted his lover now 'oh baby' he whispered as he shot his seed deep. Daniel panted in tune to the pulsing cock making small moans of pleasure, he levered his arms pulling himself back up to Jordan's face and kissed him deep. Jordan sank to his knees and only their heads were visible above the water kissing each other passionately. Daniel eased himself off Jordan's cock and adjusted his speedos back in place, his hand finding Jordan's cock stowed it gently back in to his speedos. Daniel whispered 'love you so much Jordy' and quickly swam back to shore, Jordan swam around for another 10 minutes. Daniel watching from his sitting position at the waters edge his body still tingled from Jordan's touch, there was no doubt in his head that he had to be with Jordan. A tear trickled down his cheek from the emotions he was feeling, he loved being here and he loved Jordan without any shadow of a doubt. He recalled when Jordan jokingly said to marry him he spoke quietly more to himself but at Jordan who was still swimming 'not then but I would now with all my heart'. Jordan swam to shore looking at Daniel's figure sat alone on the beach, he could just make out the look of a person in love on his face. He sat next to Daniel and in no time their arms wrapped around each other as they kissed and rolled back on to the sand making out for a few minutes. They laid there holding each other tenderly kissing and looking at each other, there was no need for words. They walked back to their suite holding hands and collapsed on the bed naked falling asleep immediately. Sofie appeared at the door of the suite at 10am, Jordan jumped out of the bed after Daniel let him go and threw on a robe. Anderson was laying breakfast outside on the veranda and Sofie stood in the lounge giggling. "Sorry I didn't mean to get you out of bed Jordan" she said trying to put a more business like face on. Jordan looking slightly embarrassed laughed "We were just having a lay in and didn't realise the time". Daniel appeared "Morning Sofie, join us for coffee" rubbing his eyes trying to focus. "Your father said you would probably be up to no good" Sofie giggled again as she walked out on to the veranda. Daniel sat at the table and looked at Sofie "So why are you off to LA?". "Lucy asked if I would oversee the refurbishment of the new hotel" she replied looking at both of them. Daniel leaned forward "Your not fooling me Sofie, spill the beans". "Hmm" Daniel pondered "I expect Adam is happy about that?" he asked. "Well so so, he is annoyed he won't get his long weekends in Barbados..." she stopped mid sentence. Daniel laughed "Your going to run the hotel aren't you?". Sofie held up her hands "Maybe, I am not sure yet though" trying to back track quickly. Daniel shook his head smiling "So what's install for us this week?" changing the subject back to work. Sofie pushed the folder over to Jordan "Pretty busy and Salinger Orchid 2 is occupied tomorrow for 5 days". Daniel looked surprised "Who is staying there?". Jordan opened the folder to the VIP section and looked amazed "No way?". Sofie nodded "Yes, on his own as well, apparently he is a singer". Daniel looked at the name on the list "Samuel Smith as in Sam Smith?". "Yes, he has heard how private the Orchid Wing is which is why he is coming here" Sofie replied. Daniel finished his coffee "I need a shower back in a few minutes". Sofie waited then looked at Jordan "There is something else Jordan but this is between us". Jordan gave Sofie a curious look "Okay". "Lucy wants you to take over most of the management for this week to see how you get on" she confided in him. Jordan nodded "Right, it's a big thing but let's see if I can do it". Sofie smiled "Good, Danny will be getting a text from Lucy later today telling him, he doesn't know yet". "What are you two talking about?" Daniel asked feeling refreshed from his shower. Jordan watched Daniel sit down "Sam Smith, some of his music" he quickly answered. Sofie finished off the hand over telling them she was leaving at midday, Jordan headed off for a shower and to make himself look a little more presentable than the bathrobe he was wearing. When he returned he noticed Daniel smiling whilst looking at his phone, it looked as though the text from Lucy had arrived. They walked through to the main hotel entrance to see Sofie off, the rest of the day went by without any incident with Daniel insisting Jordan took the seat in the GM office. They dined in the main restaurant that evening partly to check on quality, Jordan having learnt from Daniel applied his own unique brand of managing the staff with great success. He was gaining their trust just as they did with Sofie and the family, all of which made his job much easier. The following day Daniel spent most of the day checking the rooms in the main hotel for maintenance and upkeep, Jordan had run the heads of department meeting and was on his way to the Salinger Orchid 2 suite to make sure it was ready for the guest. After all they were paying top dollar to stay in the Orchid Wing. Satisfied everything was perfect he spoke to Morgan the butler that had been assigned to look after Sam during his stay, he asked Morgan to sanity check the bedroom and bathroom one last time to ensure he was satisfied. Jordan checked over the veranda and plumped the cushions again, his work phone beeped and saw their VIP was 10 minutes away. Calling out to Morgan to meet him at the Orchid Wing reception in 5 minutes, he sent a message to Daniel who responded to say he was on his way. "Nervous Jordy?" Daniel asked as they stood waiting in the courtyard out front. Jordan smiled "More so about meeting him than anything else, I just hope everything is perfect". The limo swung in to the courtyard and Morgan opened the door "Welcome to the Salinger Barbados Retreat". Jordan stepped forward as Sam exited the limo "Good Afternoon Mr Smith and welcome I am Jordan the General Manager". Sam smiled noticing how hot looking Jordan was "Thank you, glad to finally be here" and shook Jordan's hand. "Your luggage will be taken to the suite and unpacked for you by Morgan your butler" Jordan informed him. Sam glanced over his shoulder "I was told the suite hotel was private, I hope my privacy is respected." Jordan smiled "Of course Mr Smith, the Orchid Wing is an entirely private hideaway if that's what you seek". Sam smiled "Please call me Sam" they walked up towards the entrance. Jordan looked around but Daniel had slipped out of view "If you will Sam, the concierge will meet us at the suite". They chatted about the hotel and weather as they made their way to Sam's suite, Jordan also told him the beach was also private but open to all guests, if he didn't want anyone to know he was here the Orchid Wing pool terrace and the suites own pool and terrace would be ideal. Jordan left Sam with Morgan and the concierge to check him in. Sam ate dinner in his suite and had an early night. Daniel and Jordan sat quietly cuddled up on the veranda, Daniel had told Jordan he did brilliantly with the VIP. Daniel and Jordan decided to call it a day and went to bed, both exhausted and tired but Jordan still wanted to and did make love to his Daniel.

yeah i have had several guys whore me out like this.a few were boyfriends, one was an uncle and a couple i never met.even had a dirty little highschool gayboy who loved that he could set me up to get fucked by guys and i would meet them and let them fuck me raw no questions asked without ever seeing any pics.i have done this both as a free fucktoy and a pimped out whore.love them both.

PART 4 The Brotherhood Mark scheduled my coming out party to be held the next weekend, assuring me several of his poz and proud buddies would work my hole, leaving me with a new appreciation of the phrase ‘sore ass’. Mark also instructed me to avoid sex for the upcoming week so when the big party arrived I was certain to be beside myself in sexual frustration. The week slowly passed, and I did my best to comply with Mark’s instruction, but doing so was more of a challenge than I anticipated as repeatedly I found myself fully erect at precisely the wrong moment, and as beating-off not an option, I could only try to distract myself so I through myself into work, and in due course Friday night had arrived, and once home and cleaned-up, I made the trek to Mark’s house, heart-in-hand. Mark met me at the door to his place, and without a word, blind-folded me, and led me down into his dungeon where he ordered me to don a pair of chaps, a leather vest and a cod piece – which was not surprisingly a bit harder than would have been the case had I been able to see what I was doing, but blind-folded, it was a decided challenge. Where there’s a will, there is, however, a way, and when I was finally dressed as instructed, Mark assisted me in getting into the sling. Later I realized Mark had slid a leather-topped table under the sling, which was to serve as an altar of sorts. The smell of leather permeated the air in the basement, and Mark gave me something to ingest that added to my sense of euphoria. My cock was struggling to rise to the occasion, but the cod piece limited the options, even when something cold was inserted into my ass. While I couldn’t identify whatever the item was that had penetrated my hole, I was quite sure that whatever it was, it was steadily increasing in both length and girth, stretching my hole to new dimensions. Just when I was certain my ass would be permanently damaged, the device reached full size, only to emit a lubricant into my ass, thoroughly smearing the walls of my ass. “Welcome to your coming-out party,” Mark intoned, deftly removing the blindfold from my eyes. Although the light was somewhat dim, still my eyes struggled to adapt to the light-level in the basement, particularly as the only lights were from large red candles strategically positioned throughout the room, but in the mirror on the wall behind my feet I could distinctly see the device in my ass, a silver speculum, which was stretching my hole to frighteningly unbelievable width. A cloud of incense wafting around the dungeon lent the air of a dream world where I floated amidst a host of leather men, dressed in a variety of leather hoods of differing design. The leatherman closest to me approached and asked "Do you wish to enter into our Brotherhood?” “YES, SIR,” was my immediate response. He continued, asking “Do you understand this is the Brotherhood of Proud Poz HIV-loving Leathermen?” “Oh, absolutely, Sir, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to join the Brotherhood.” “Let us begin,” he answered, and with that the leathermen began groping, kneading each other’s crotch, and deep kissing each other, even though each was wearing a full hood. Fuck, the scene was thrilling. Five Leathermen demonstrating the highest level of lust and debauchery that comes naturally only to the most depraved men. Each man opened his cod piece and to the man, each was stunningly well built: five magnificent, fully erect, manly, poz cocks were on display to me. This was not, however, a dream, no, it was reality, a point that became clear when each man stepped close to me, presenting me with a close-up of the cock that would I would be expected to service. The leatherman who opened the ceremony continued, saying “You will address me as MR MR. You have asked to enter into the Poz Leather Brotherhood. The seed of the brothers will complete your communion with us.” Someone removed the cod piece I had been wearing. Without the touch of anyone, myself in particular, I was at full erection. The five brothers surrounded me, each man’s poz cock drooling pre-cum at a surprising rate, only to virtually simultaneously shoot his hot poz seed all over my cock, which corresponding shot a load such as I had never before experienced, so the amount of sperm coating my crotch was amazing. I was no less thrilled when each of the men bent over to lick some of the combined loads that coated my crotch, only to plant on my lips the Kiss of Poz Cum, the Kiss of Death. The sweetness and intimacy of this experience was beyond any casual sex I had previously enjoyed, and I yearned to enter even more deeply into the ranks of the depraved. Joe, one of the other leathermen, presented me with what appeared to be a white popsicle, which he applied to my lips and tongue. The texture and taste told me it was a cumsicle. Smiling with no little pride, Joe explained “This was made from the combined cum of all your brothers. Savor our poz loads.” Damn, it was the best treat I had ever eaten, and as it dissolved in my mouth, Joe murmured “This is just the beginning. Wait until we feed your asshole our poz seed.” My ass twitched in excited anticipation of the breeding to come. To be continued.

As I had been told, the following weekend I met Joe, and he, Mark and I had a very intense weekend. Joe arrived at about 8:00 PM on Friday evening, greeting Mark and me with a bear hug. Just looking at him, my cock twitched with excitement, especially as his cock was bulging in his tight 501 Levi jeans. He was about 6' 2", was nicely built, had a full head of dark, even black hair, as well as a full black beard. Just my type. Mark led us down into the dungeon where we had a few drinks while watching the TIM film, Viral Loads. Seated between Mark and Joe, two hot leather men, my cock involuntarily got harder and harder. Noticing as much, and gauging I was ready, Mark pushed my head down onto Joe’s lap, ordering me to “Lick the wet spot on my buddy’s crotch.” Of course I was more than willing to do so. Joe opened his jeans and extracted his seven inch cock, which was, as I suspected, already hard. I devoured every inch. Mark, meanwhile, managed to rip a hole in the ass of my jeans, and vigorously fingered my hole with two fingers, and then even managed to place a wet kiss on my ass lips. Damn, my hole wanted to get more and more, and both Joe and Mark were just the men to give me what I wanted. Picking me up, Joe carried me to his sling where he expertly restrained me. This was the same sling where I had my ass had received its first poz load from Mark. Now it was time to willingly take more of his highly toxic cum deep into my ass. I had been anticipating this second baptism the entire week, and damn, my hole was more than ready. Before this would happen, however, Mark ordered me to worship his poz seed, and I was to accomplish that through the respectful worship of his cock, which he facilitated by standing directly behind my head, and allowing me to lick his soft cock and balls, sporadically, however, withdrawing from my reach, teasing me, urging me to describe the desire I felt for his manly member. The courtly language of the past sprung to mind, and seemed to suit the occasion: “Your cock is the erotic gifter of the pleasures I seek,” and “Let your member speak to me, and return my lust,” and again, “Oh sir, fill me with your cock and leave with me your toxic poz seed.” Slowly, with the dignity the occasion merited, Mark's cock rose to its full dignity, which, of course, turned-on Joe, who all this time had been preparing my ass with a large dildo which he inserted into my body through the hole Mark had ripped in the seat of my jeans. My cock, meanwhile, strained against my jeans, leaking pre-cum in generous quantities, which soaked through the jeans, and led Mark to pull my jeans off, and, securing my cock by the base to discourage further erection, he snapped a leather cod piece on my cock. Both leather men continued to use my body, Mark, by fucking my face, and Joe by rubbing his cock up and down my ass crack, teasing my hole with his juicy dock head. Man, I was so fuckin’ horny. Perhaps thinking of the film we had been watching, Joe then used a baster to squirt a generous quantity of cum into my ass, confirming my unspoken question, that yes, it was poz cum. Just to add to the experience, Mark then slid a frozen cum popsicle into my mouth, which, in softening, left me feeling totally immersed in toxic poz cum: toxic poz cum dripping into my hole, and no less erotic, toxic poz cum was melting in my mouth. “It’s now time for you to receive more of my highly toxic cum,” Mark intoned, and apparently having choreographed the move, Mark and Joe moved the portable sling over to the leather breeding table, and in a deft movement, Mark slid a chrome speculum into my hungry hole, which made it easy for him to squeeze the contents of a condom into my cavity. I was gratified when Mark casually remarked the poz seed he was now giving me was from Joe, and that it constituted no less than four loads. As the last drops of Joe’s load disappeared into my hole, Mark removed the speculum, and inserted his magnificent, toxic gifter cock. My cock throbbed under its leather cod piece, and my hole was on fire. Mark’s cock felt so good. My ass muscles tightened around his cock, welcoming it, pleading with it to plunge deeper, ever deeper. Mark, however, was not one to be hurried, and established his own pace in splitting me open. Slowly, gradually, Mark moved deeper, ignoring my pleas that he plunge in balls-deep. Joe, meanwhile, was not one to stand aside idly, but rather he stood over my head, and slid his cock into my mouth, face-fucking me as only a leather man can carry off, his cock head drooling generous quantities of poz cum in the process, which told me he was approaching his climax, as was Mark, who groaned he was about to blow his toxic poz load into my hole – poz seed for both my willing and desirous mouth and my no less willing and desirous ass. Just then, as I thought Joe was about to blow his load deep in my throat, he withdrew his cock from my mouth and managed to order to me extend my tongue, which I did just in time for him to blow his load on my lips, face, chin and tongue. Oh man, his hot poz cum on my tongue, and while I was tempted to immediately relish it, Joe forestalled by action by immediately licking-up the stray drops of cum, and sharing all of it with me in a deep, all-encompassing kiss, a kiss that surely pushed Mark over the top, and he announced as much by yelling “Receive my poz load!” as he blew another deadly load in my hole.

Author's note: Hi guys. I started working on this story earlier this Summer, but had a heart attack somewhere near the middle of it. The story was obviously put on a back burner while I was hospitalized and then later recovering. I blame no one but myself and my fondness for cigarettes along with any kind of alcohol I happened to have on hand. I'd never once written a story here on BZ while not smoking and drinking. I wondered if I'd ever finish "A Zombie Love Story" without my Marlboro Lights and a beer next to me. I'd lost interest in even trying. Eventually, I returned to this tale with a real desire to finish it. It was like a neglected child to me. I'd changed and my writing style had changed. "Zombie" got much longer as well as more detailed and personal. It's quite long but if you just want to go to the sex scenes, It wouldn't hurt my feelings. Just skip to parts 4, 10 and 12. I've got open heart surgery scheduled for a week. I'll be M.I.A. for a long time. I really want to crank out one more story before then but we'll wait and see. Be well, be hard and get your blood pressure checked often. Strokes and heart failure can happen at any age. Toon art by ToonKC THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION 1. The Zombie Apocalypse happened decades ago and you probably didn't even know it since it was very localized and happened before the Internet really took off. It wasn't anything like what we've all seen in movies. I could get in real trouble for repeating any of this and even once signed a document saying I'd never reveal even the smallest detail. So if you never see my screen name again, it means they caught me and I'm rotting away in some federal prison. That's okay -- I'm rotting already. 2. 1990 Bollard, Kansas The zombies first appeared that October, a few days after my 18th birthday. Bollard is a small agricultural town not too far from Wichita (which was a huge city to me back then). The centerpiece of our town was a row of ten giant grain elevators. We were next to railroad tracks and surrounded by wheat. corn and soy bean farms. Our 'downtown' was nothing to brag about but there was a pool hall where I ended up spending many quarters playing whatever heap of a pinball machine they had. The customer base at Randy's consisted of retired farmers, day drinkers and delinquents. I hadn't claimed a label of my own yet when I first went there as a kid, but it's pretty much where I turned bad. It turns out there was an illegal bar and poker table in back of this really grimy grocery next door store where nobody I knew ever bought actual food. It was tiny, dim and smelled like old fruit. Old guys would go in and not come out for hours. It was just one of those places you went when you needed to get drunk in a very dry county. Fucking Kansas. I made most of my friends at the pool hall. Mitch, Mike, Mac, Kurt, Ted -- all bad students and very eager to get out of this town. It isn't so hard to be friends with black sheep when you're an undersized, anti-social little nerd. Most of them had access to cars because they grew up on farms where kids learn to drive very early. They also knew how to get their hands on booze, weed and cigarettes. I'm not endorsing tobacco use, but other smokers tend to be pretty sociable if you also have a cig in your mouth. So my peer group smelled and coughed a lot -- so what? I was also pals with the bad girls they inevitably ended up with. Big tits, cheap jewelry, too much makeup, filthy mouths and strong sexual appetites. I was of no real interest to them except as as a 'buddy'. I listened to them and that seemed to be enough since they barely even listened to each other. I was just a misfit who fell in with other misfits. Probably the biggest misfit/oddball/castoff of all was Robbie Tyler. I'd known him since the first day of kindergarten even though he sometimes went to 'special' classrooms. We all naturally assumed he was maybe retarded or something, but he was actually a genius. Genius! Seriously? He couldn't sit still, couldn't concentrate and often talked or sang to himself. He was always reading but never turned in assignments. Robbie was mostly shunned in grade school but somehow fell into my crowd after junior high. He was good for a laugh. I tried getting to know him at times, but it was like talking to some crazy radio that kept changing stations and volume. For whatever reason, he'd seek me out during the school day and at our little delinquent gatherings. The others, while mostly tolerant of this guy, seemed grateful that I kept him from wrecking their buzz. Babysitter. "Hey Scott...come get this tard away from me." I always did and was usually repaid with a free beer. And then the most bizarre rumors started. I first heard about it from my parents at the breakfast table. My dad was a chemist or something at the grain elevator. I was never sure because I never bothered to ask. My mom was a volunteer at the nursing home on Pine Street. Apparently, Mrs. Marn Johanson was telling a crazy tale about how she found her husband lying dead in the backyard vegetable garden. I guess she checked for a pulse and everything. After she went in to call for an ambulance, he disappeared. He was technically just 'missing' according to the county sheriff. She swears he was dead...very, very dead. She was not known to be a kook or a drinker - so nobody knew quite what to think. She was just an ordinary, old Kansas farm wife. Any unusual news spreads fast in a small town. It wasn't even in our sad little newspaper but people talked about it. "Oh, I'm sure he's dead somewhere," Dad announced after his second cup of coffee, "but he's probably out in one of his fields or pastures." Mom was usually quiet in the mornings, but this had captured her attention. "She swears up and down that he was dead. Why would she make that up?" "She's in her 70's...probably Alzheimers. My uncle Joe got it when he was only 58." I just ate my cereal and kept quiet. Maybe coyotes carried his carcass away while she was on the phone. We'd had a very long drought and wild animals were doing anything they could to survive. Aliens? I believed very much in extraterrestrials back then. But what could they want with some old guy's dead body? I didn't think much more about it until I got to school where everyone was talking about the supposed 'body snatchers'. Study hall was my first class and we usually just played Uno for an hour, but today the missing corpse was too important to not discuss. There were a few serious students in first period and they usually read or proofread homework but even they were talking about old Mr. Johanson. "I think God took his body so he could remove the soul." Good old Kimberly Clark. She was kind of slow, very religious and cross-eyed. "Maybe he was just faking and wanted to leave her fat ass." "She probably just dreamed it." I let them all talk while I wandered off to somewhere quiet. Of course Robbie followed me. I guess we were friends or something but I really wanted some peace. "Scotty! Are you prepared for Judgement Day?! Ha ha. Seriously...have you ever had a blood transfusion?" What the fuck? "No. Why?" "Because you can't be resurrected if you have transferred blood or replacement joints or fake organs." "I don't care. I don't even want to come back..I just want to feed the worms." "Yeah...but what if you no longer had that option? What if there is no death anymore?" I'd never thought about it, Robbie was wearing moccasins that had been worn so long that you could see the you could see the outline of his toes through the leather. "Jesus, Robbie! I can't deal with you today!" Some heads in the room swiveled around to look our way. The bell rang and I was relived to go to my AP English class. The story didn't go away. My own mother was convinced something weird was happening. She came home from her shift at the nursing home and reported that two of the residents had vanished. "They were both on the brink of death with failing hearts. Mrs. Bynum couldn't even walk and needed Oxygen, but she was gone and her tank was still in the room. How on Earth could she just disappear??" Dad had no answers which made me uncomfortable. Parents - especially dads - were supposed to know everything. It can come as a heavy blow when you realize your mom and dad are just human beings after all. We did what we always did which was go about our routine as if everything was normal. Things were not normal. New stories about walking corpses were popping up daily. Tracy Brewer ( a junior) claimed she had seen a naked old man wandering through her backyard. She was one of the popular kids and not known to be a liar. It wasn't one of those old legends like the famous talking skeleton that was supposedly lurking near Burke Creek. This was so new and random, and seemed to be spreading fast. New sightings were popping up almost weekly. My sort-of buddy Mac claimed he'd seen one behind his dad's shed and shot it in the head with his own rifle and the thing didn't do anything but slow down a little. Christ. Mac was known for a lot of petty crimes but nobody could call him a bullshitter. 3. Looking back, it was the dumbass owner/editor of our town's newspaper that took everything to a horrible new level... This will be the first and LAST time this particular issue will addressed by our publication. There are ridiculous rumors being spread around town and they need to stop now!! This proud Christian township is above supernatural voodoo gossip. THERE ARE NO WALKING CORPSES here are anywhere!!!! WE ARE TOO GOOD FOR THIS! It can only damage our reputation and future economic prospects. If you claim to believe any of this rubbish you should probably seek spiritual counseling at your nearest church! Anybody on my school paper's newspaper could write better than this idiot. He was a known drunk and his daughter Amy was the biggest pot head at BHS. Hardly anybody ever even glanced at The Bollard Gazette -- but somebody somewhere did. The national guard moved in four days later. And then it got even more serious. Helicopters were constantly circling above. Everybody's phone service was cut off, mail didn't go in or out and blockades were set up at every route out of town. Even the tiniest dirt roads were guarded with some seriously armed weaponry. It all happened so fucking fast. "How are we supposed to buy things we need??" Mom was so stressed out that she couldn't do anything but shake and cry. Dad just angry and stomped around letting his blood pressure climb to dangerous levels. He only ever got this way when he couldn't go to work. There was no school but a bunch of us gathered there at the locked front doors for answers to frantically talked questions. That's how I found out that there was a big town meeting being called at the football field next to the park. The government or somebody was going to finally tell us what was going on. Attendance wasn't mandatory, but no way was anybody going to miss it. It was happening that evening at 6 PM. Wild speculations were flying around over,under and through my range of hearing. I got dizzy from the hysteria and decided to just take a walk somewhere quiet. Probably not the best idea to want solitude when nobody was at work or in school because there was always a person wandering somewhere. But the last place I knew of where a normal human would never go during a zombie invasion was a cemetery...so that was my destination. How dangerous could it be if there weren't even any army guys guarding it? The town was small but very old and so the graveyard was pretty large. There were gravestones dating back to 1870. It was as peaceful and lonely as I'd imagined it would be. It was a perfect Hollywood stereotype of what an old rural cemetery should like like a few weeks before Halloween. Yellow, brown and orange leaves skittered around my feet and made that weirdly comfortable crunching sound with each step. I'd only been here a few times in my life and never all the way to its farthest boundaries. There was a row of hedge trees at the end and I finally saw them up close. Nothing special. There was a slight stench of the rotting hedge apples on the ground. They're ugly and not edible to humans (as far as I know). I knew that country guys threw them like snowballs at each other. Gross. I didn't really believe in a god, but I always thanked some force in the universe that my dad wasn't a farmer. Just being gay was hard enough without the added pressure of being forced into mundane chores and the like. Kids born into farm life don't get to be kids very long. Yeah, I was gay. GAY. I didn't let myself dwell on that detail very often if I could help it. Of course my peace would be interrupted. About 80 feet away was somebody walking around. Fucking hell. I wondered if it could be one of the 'living dead'. I hadn't seen one yet. Just as I got a little excited I realized it was just a regular alive person. Well, not 'regular' -- it was fucking Robbie. Last person I wanted to see. He was quickly loping along in that singularly retarded way anyone could immediately recognize. 4. "Hey Scotty!" Nobody had called me that since junior high. "Just 'Scott' will do, thank you." "Oh! I'm so so very sorry, Mr. Lonely Scott," he said with a British accent for some reason. "What are you doing out here?" "Uh - I wanted to be alone and not talk to people." I emphasized the word 'alone', but of course he didn't take a hint. "But, there are zombies lurking about!" (still with the British accent) So far, there was no reports of these so-called zombies hurting anyone. There was a sense they just weren't the least bit menacing. Supposedly. His eyes were wide open with mock terror. Damn - if he cleaned himself up a little and stopped acting crazy, I'd possibly consider him 'hot'. I wasn't currently attracted to him but my tone changed. "Is there anything not weird about you, Robbie?" I offered him a hint of a smile. "Maybe...but I try to rid myself of any trait that would be deemed acceptable or expected." "Obviously." "I usually only come out here at night, but the Ouija board told me I'd find you here today." "Yeah. Whatever." "No. Really. That's also how I knew you were gay and would probably want to suck my big dick." Fucking retard. "Are you insane? I've been the only person in town to ever give you a chance, and now you say shit like that?! I'm going home." I walked away and felt my cheeks get warm with something that wasn't entirely what you'd call 'anger'. As I stomped back toward the entrance. I was embarrassed,disturbed and yet also curious. How did he know? I'd tried so hard to suppress any kind of homo signals I might possibly give off. I can remember the word for word definition of 'fellatio' in our big dictionary at home: Oral stimulation of the penis I was probably only 11 or 12 years old when I chanced upon that word and I knew I wanted to do that to a man. I'd imagined how a penis would feel in my mouth and how it would taste -- many, many times. I'd even tried to suck my own dick but only succeeded in spontaneously having my first ejaculation all over my face. Puberty may have been delayed for a few years but masturbation found me early. I'd wanted a dick - any dick -for so long. Was relief from this fever, this lust be worth having that penis belong to Robbie? I was so unsure, but found myself turning around back to him....only to find he had been following me as I pondered. His fly was open and his big ol' organ was completely hard, purple and oozing. "I...I guess...we could go hang out back by the trees." My voice sounded like a child's. "No way. Look how close I am...I'll shoot my load before we get back there. Now. Here." "No! What if somebody sees?!" Robbie nodded toward a little family mausoleum and I followed him as if I were in a trance. It was a limestone structure that was about the size of a 7-11. And I swear the temperature was 20 degrees warmer behind it. I took off my yellow windbreaker and Robbie dropped his pants completely. Of course he didn't have to give me instructions -- I already knew what I wanted and how I wanted to do it. I knelt down at his feet and immediately put my lips to the dripping head of his dick. I remember the first thing I noticed is that there wasn't a bad taste or smell at all. I guess I expected everything down there to be nasty, but I could tell he'd recently showered. That in itself was odd because this guy had always looked a little unwashed to me. There was no school to be fresh for and there had been whispers about how the town's water supply being cut off. Bollard citizens had pretty much let their personal hygiene go by the wayside these days. Possibly Robbie knew I'd be here after all. I have to chuckle now when I look back on this because my appetite was no competition for my damn gag reflex. It's always been an issue for me. Even today, my brain tells me I could deep-throat the empire state building but once a dick gets a little past the back of my tongue, I come close to vomiting. Every. fucking. time. "It's okay, Scotty...take just the tip for now. Feels so good!" I found a good rhythm that seemed to be good for both of us and he started thrusting his narrow hips while holding the back of my head. "I'm almost there." Now was the moment I'd never bothered to plan for. His thrusts became spasms before I could really think too much about it. Sperm. I now had hot sperm from another man's penis in my mouth -- all over my tongue, gums and teeth. Everybody uses words like "shoot" or "erupt", but this was so gentle and slow. It was like getting tablespoons of hot, heavenly honey poured between my lips. You could almost even call it romantic. But what now? I also hadn't planned on what I might feel afterward. I just stood back up and felt what I would later realize was fear and vulnerability. "Thanks, Scotty. That was amazing." He took his time putting that fat penis away as it slowly softened. "I..I.." "Hush, baby. You feel weird, don't you?" 'Weird' was hardly a big enough word for my emotions. It was maybe more like 'fear'. "No. I guess. A little." "It was your first time -- at least that's what the Ouija board told me." "Enough! Give me a minute before you start in with your bullshit." We walked a full ten seconds before he had to start talking again. "I come out here all the time." "To the cemetery? Why?" "You really don't know about this place? About what goes on here?" "No. What?" "Well, there are about four gay guys in this town and a few more who are curious. I won't name names, but one of them lives on your block." We stayed quiet for a bit and crunched the leaves beneath us. I let him set the walking pace which was slowing down. I almost hated the lack of conversation now. I needed noise and time and other unnameable things. I think I wanted to have had this experience but also forget it ever happened. "So you come out here and let them give you blow jobs?" "Oh yeah. I do lots of stuff here. I get sucked, suck and fuck and a few other things." Fucking? I had only a vague idea of what gay men did for sex. I knew the gist of it from all the AIDS pamphlets we were given over the years. We had this information but any discussion of it in the classroom was forbidden by the school board. I knew I wanted a man to fuck me even though I couldn't even begin to imagine it. "Aren't you worried about AIDS" "Hell no. I like the dangerous edge of a deadly disease now. Once you get used to fucking it get's a little bit like watching reruns...you want new things. I once pissed on a guy - his idea-and I really liked it." "But aren't you scared of getting really, really sick? Before they cut our cable services here I saw a documentary about people with AIDS. Scary shit! Some people go blind and you get these weird sores all over your face face." "Was any of that happening anywhere near fucking Bollard, Kansas?" He had a point. "No...the scariest thing about this town is the zombies and even they are harmless." Maybe he was healthy. "But I thought you wanted danger?" "Oh I found my danger, don't you worry." "What? Where? " "I'll show you eventually, Scotty. Be patient for now because we need to get a few things settled first." "Oh. Okay. Such as what?" He was quiet for awhile which was very unusual for Robbie. No humming, whistling or saying random words under his breath. It's at that point that I felt a little scared...a small cold pebble of fear was forming in my stomach. "The way I see it, Scotty...you are trapped now. I can blackmail you. I could get anything from you now. I could threaten to tell the whole school or even your parents what you sucked my dick and swallowed my semen unless you agree to give me cash. Your family has more money than most people around here." Fuck fuck fuck. I needed to sit down because my heart was racing and I couldn't breathe. I just plopped down on the dead leaves and leaned back on a cold granite gravestone. "Nobody listens to you, asshole. They have all tuned you out since the second grade. You're words mean nothing." I was nearly eye-level with his crotch again. "Maybe, maybe. But remember our school is full of social sharks...even a hint of your sexuality would be like the smell of blood to them. They might call me a 'liar' but they'll be watching you more closely. You want the last six months of high school to be a living nightmare?" 5. I just couldn't help but stare at the zipper of his ancient jeans. I was trapped like an animal but I still admired the hefty bulge of the penis I'd sampled only a few minutes ago. "I...I... How much money do you want. I have less than three hundred dollars in my savings account. I won't have access to the trust fund my grandpa left for me until I'm 25." Robbie tussled my hair with his long fingers and sat down next to me. "Relax. I won't say a word...on one condition: You have to be my friend." "That's all?" "That's my final offer. I would've said 'and you have to be in love with me' but I am willing to settle for just your friendship. For now. Oh, and you have to spend Halloween weekend with me. Three full days of just you and me" I was so relieved. I thought he had me over a barrel. I could be his pal but I didn't think I had the capacity to "love". I could say 'I love you' to family members and such without once meaning it. I was probably missing that chromosome (thanks to Dad's side of the family). I agreed to his terms and he helped me to my feet again. The pact having been made, we continued walking toward the cemetery's entrance. It crept me out how silent he was. I needed to break the silence. "Are you going to the big meeting tonight?" He just shrugged. "Why? They're just going to lie to us. There's some kind of contagion here and they'll claim it's a rare virus or pollution or something." After living through the Reagan administration and two years of George Bush Sr., I had absolutely no reason to trust our government. "Then what is it? What's causing this?" "Smell the air, my new best friend...You can always detect a hint of pesticide or herbicide or fungicide or fertilizer riding every breeze. We are contaminated. The chemicals are in our water,air and soil. Agriculture is the culprit. A very specific mixture just happened to occur right here, above the aquifer or maybe upwind from something "That's your theory?" "Yup. I suppose it could be some kind of military testing, but that's such a horror movie cliche. Still...Did you see 'Return of the Living Dead'?" "No. I wanted to but, now, I guess I never will now. You saw it?" "Yeah. Twice. My guardian hardly ever let's me use her car so I walked all the way to Wichita. I can do it any time I want. I'm going to take you there sometime soon. Show you my source of danger." That was one long walk! A bunch of questions wanted to come out but I kept quiet. How could we get to Wichita when the army was surrounding the town. What was this so-called 'danger' he was so enamored with...and why? We were almost to the front gate when he abruptly stopped and grabbed my hand which reminded me of how big his hands were (or how little mine were). "Kiss me. Scotty." I eagerly stretched my neck up as our lips met. It was my first kiss. I suddenly understood why people kissed in the first place. It was a common connection to something glorious. In exactly none of my pornographic fantasies were lips used for anything other than sweaty sex acts. I might have just now tasted love for the first time in my life. Voices. Other people were near us now and I wanted to let go of Robbie's giant hand but he just grasped mine harder. Small panic. "Dude -- there's a bunch of people wandering around on the street -- they can see us." He just squeezed my hand reassuringly. "There are much bigger stories happening all around us, Scotty. Two best friends holding hands is hardly headline news right now." A felt a drop of cold sweat creep down my forehead. So many things had happened in the last hour. I was now glad he was sharing his strength with me, an unfamiliar confidence he was now charging me with. Who knew a simple touch could accomplish so much? I had needed this my whole life. I suddenly didn't really care about what people thought or said about me. Instead of going home to meet my parents to get ready for the town meeting I just walked through the park near our public swimming pool, long since drained and locked up. Robbie and I just talked about our lives and dreams, fears and hopes, everything...and then some. I felt a little relieved that he'd resumed his regular routine of crazy babbling, singing and oddly accurate imitations of celebrities like Jesse Jackson, Mae West and that sergeant guy from 'Full Metal Jacket'. It was mesmerizing and comfortably distracting now. Following my new friend's lead, we'd made our way to the grimy 'speakeasy' located in the back of that shitty grocery store I mentioned earlier in the tale. "We should get good and drunk as we toast our agreement." I guess it was cool because Robbie's legal guardian was a regular there, slumped at the bar with probably her fifth or sixth cocktail clenched in one fat hand. "Hey Ed, Henry and Joe...and hello to you too, Donna." She looked at him with a bewildered, angry squint. "What the hell are you doin' here? And who is this kid?" "This my friend, Scott. I've mentioned him several times." "You? With a friend? HA!" "Fuck off, you old cow. Hey barkeep...two vodka tonics if you please." He was talking with an Italian accent now. I just stood there embarrassed, feeling as if was on Mars. "We ain't got no tonic you dumb-ass. I got 7-Up if that works." "Forget it, Clyde. Just two double shots of whiskey...and put it on Donna's tab." She let loose with a string of slurred curse words as we made our way through the cigar haze to a wobbly little table. "SHE is your guardian??" "Not anymore. Once I turned 18, her obligation officially ended. Luckily she has no idea how old I am or even when my birthday is." "When was your birthday?" "Yesterday. I'm actually 19 now...I got held back a year because they thought I was 'delayed'. I've got one or two mental issues." "Possibly three, Robbie." He laughed, "But happy birthday anyway." We clinked the barely-clean glasses of Wild Turkey and sat there, just looking into each other's eyes like two infatuated characters in an old movie. "What time is it? My mom and dad are probably wondering where I am." "Your parents seem like the kind of people who go everywhere early just to get decent parking. Am I right?" He was indeed right...eerily so. 'Getting a good seat' was also a priority of theirs. I noticed the grimy illuminated clock above the shelf of liquor bottles. It read 1:30 PM. By 6, the whole town would have worked itself into a massive panic that would never be even slightly tempered. I wasn't looking forward to the event. "Want to blow the meeting off?" "Great idea, Scotty. Let's go back to my house and take a little nap. I need to take some pills anyway. Sound good?" "Sure." We drained our shots and headed back out onto Main Street. There was a textbook October feel in the air as we walked South toward his place. I didn't know what to expect. Would he want sex again? I wasn't sure I was ready for anything more than what we'd already done. "What are you looking so serious about?" "Oh...I don't know. Just thinking. Maybe I was thinking that you wasted one of the wishes your genie gave you." "Huh?" "You didn't have to bribe me to be your friend, you psycho son of a bitch. I was already your friend." 6. Here's the gist of what some shifty by-the-book military guy told Bollard citizens that evening: 1. The 'specimens' had all been contained as of now. He never once used the word 'zombie'. 2. They were not dangerous and posed no immediate threat. There'd been no evidence that they were contagious but warned us to 'stay away from them in them as a precaution'. 3. Many services would be restored within 24 hours. Fuel, food, safe water would soon be available to us at no cost. The phones would be working again, but only to contact a government number for questions and/or concerns. Mail, however, was 'temporarily' subject to censorship. It seemed that all of this was being done to protect us. 4. The president had decided our whole area would soon become a national park. For that reason, the blockade would remain until relocation was complete. He assured us that we would be well compensated for our property and inconvenience. That's it. My parents and I ambled home and Dad was infuriated by all that was not said. "What about our jobs? What caused this? What about Scott's education? How's he going to graduate after not completing his final semester?" He continued ranting as Mom stared at her walking feet, silently mouthing little words. Praying. Everyone on our block was gathering on each other's porches, talking up a storm. It was the kind of thing that usually happened on lazy Summer evenings with fireflies dotting the air above perfect lawns. The kids would race up and down the block and adults discretely passed a bottle or two (or five) of wine. The first voice I heard after I was almost home was Mrs. Vogel's from next door... "I just want to know if this is going to be over before Christmas. My sister and her family were supposed to come up here from Texas." That was were biggest concern? Seriously? The Vogels had a son my age but we never hung out much. Even as a little kid, he was rough, sports-loving guy. Toby Vogel. The big news in 8th grade was that he had lost his virginity to Kim Ratzlaff, the biggest slut in the grade above us. A year later, half of the guys in my class supposedly had sex whereas I hadn't so much as seen a dirty magazine. After our freshman year, people having sex was not even that big a deal to anyone but me. Toby was sitting on our porch swing when the crowd had moved over to our porch. We made eye contact so I guess I had to at least go over and say hi. "Hey, Scott. Where's your gang of scuzzballs?" Me and the other losers were known by that term even though we ourselves preferred 'Scuzzies'. So much for trying to be friendly. People never change - even when the world is ending. I moved over with the adults and listened in. My dad's metabolism wasn't meant to handle any amount of alcohol but at least drinking made him something you'd be tempted to call 'friendly'. "You feeling okay, Dad?" "Son...I don't want you to ever worry about me. Save all worries for yourself...and...and your mother. Have a seat, Son." We plopped down on the porch steps as the sun sank almost out of sight. "I think this is all a bunch of horse shit, ya know? The government has been lying to us since Kennedy was shot. Ya know? Vietnam and all that shit. All bullshit." I hated being around him when he was drunk. Mom hated it too and I saw her slip back inside the house to go to bed. "You should go get some sleep, Pop." He just looked down at his hands and - God help me - I think he was crying. As if he had timed it perfectly, Robbie crossed the newly-lit street light right across from our house. Perfect. I needed to get away from this place in the worst way. He walked very slowly in case I didn't see him, but I know I would have sensed him as if I were a drug-sniffing dog and he was a bag of uncut heroin. I left my dad to his misery and hurried across the street. I didn't care who saw us together. I felt a kind of joy that had been totally alien to me until now. Relief, lust, affection, appreciation....maybe this is what it felt like to 'fall in love'. ? Looking back now, I can say that if it wasn't love, then it was something very close to it. Robbie hadn't come here solely for romance however. There'd been a party-ish sort of get-together of the Scuzzies in the works for tonight. I'd pretty much been Robbie's only connection to these lowliest of trashy social events, and I mostly just got him in and then rudely left him to his own weirdness after we'd arrived. Apparently, one of the army guys sold Kurt Stucky a keg of beer in some discrete encounter. 'It weren't no grunt, Either. t was an officer or somethin'', he claimed. Beer was beer. I was still wearing the same clothes I'd worn this morning, but Robbie looked freshly groomed and had changed his shirt. "Guess what? Donna is passed out on her bedroom floor and I just took her car keys. I parked down by the school in case you didn't remember what the car looked like." "How does she support the two of you?" "She has a long list of ex-husbands who either died or divorced her fat ass. Never got a baby from any of them and so she wanted to bring in foster kids. After me, she decided to never do that again." He laughed casually and I tried to do the same. It had always been difficult for me to imagine kids who'd been through some major life event. I couldn't even pretend to know what it was like to go through a divorce or to move four states away and start a knew school. I couldn't imagine my mom as a single woman because - to me - she was never meant to be anything but my mother and my dad's wife. She and I were alike in that we weren't particularly strong or adaptable. My dad was pretty strong, I guess, but he loved being in a rut and doing the same thing every day. We all did. "Did you ever know your real mom and dad?" "I remember my mom being some sort of hippie chick. It's all a little fuzzy. I almost remember the night she left and never came back." He sounded somewhat like the little boy all men secretly still are. Deep down inside, you can hear your child voice crying, laughing or just babbling away. "Jesus. That must have been so tough. I'm so sorry, Rob." People say that, but I really was sorry that any kid would have to go through that. Dad always said 'Some people just get dealt a bad hand' but that seemed so dismissive and had never really helped me process tragedy in a healthy way. "Why? I just roll with the punches, you know? And...", he grabbed my hand and pulled it up to the hard lump in his crotch, " it's how I ended up here with you now. That counts for something." "It's warm for late October. Maybe we've got an ozone hole above us or something." He laughed at my half-assed attempt to change the subject. I'm so lame sometimes. "It's good weather for drinking beer...and adventure! Rowwwrr!" I had no idea what he meant by all that. Was it a sex thing? "I come alive when the air is like this, Scotty." Okay. Whatever. I suppose it was a relief to have the crazy version of Robbie back again. It would give me some time to think about him and us and sex and HIV and whether or not I wanted to risk being gay full-time. My brain had a huge 'in' box and a sadly empty 'out' box. We came to his foster mom's car that was parked at the corner of Olive street. It was nicer than what you'd imagine a piece of white trash like Donna would own. I was kind of surprised that it had no drunken dents, rust or stupid right-wing bumper stickers. "That looks like it came directly from the showroom floor." "It pretty much did. Hey, do you know how to get there? To the thing tonight?" "Yeah. It's on that dirt road just West of the Entz farm. The one with the half-finished barn that's been that way for ten years." "I admire that that kind of structure." Of course he did; it was half out of the bag. "Are we going to be fashionably late?" "No. Probably a little early." "Even better." He put in a cassette tape and played music from some group called 'The Dead Milkmen'. I'd never heard of them and the songs were not all that good. Not at all. Then I felt a small stab of panic. "Try not to be extra weird tonight, Robbie. And please don't do anything that's..." "That's gay? Is that what you were going to request I not be?" Yeah. That sounded a little blunt, but anything to blow my/our secret would be a disaster. Right? "Don't worry, Scotty. I understand but I wish you didn't care." I nodded. There really is no such thing as free beer for people like he and I. 7. We arrived in less than two minutes and the Autumn sunset was starting its garish show of signature pinkish-orange colors. I almost wished Robbie and I could just go watch it alone somewhere. Beer didn't even sound good to me right then. We parked along an impoverished little road that was so underused that during warmer months, weeds grew down the middle of it. The nearest army blockade was over a mile away. The dry soil had been cleared of stalks and was just a bunch of dry clods now, ready to be planted with wheat. Or something wheat-like. My dad knew everything about crops and harvests and all that but I never paid much attention. All I knew about farming was that a whole bunch of dumb, sweaty young guys with bad teeth migrated through the area during the wheat harvesting season that lasted about three weeks during the Summer. Many of them were Mexican. They were exotic and erotic in equal measure to my eyes. I wondered if they fooled around with guys as well as girls. I know that Rhonda Breur got fucked by one of them in a weedy ditch last June and then went through her whole sophomore year with the nickname 'Ditch Witch'. We parked about fifty yards away from the small gathering alongside Mac's dad's farm truck. There were five people there already. The crowd would not be much bigger than fifteen people, max. I was glad to have Robbie with me on this short walk. It had always been easier for me to act and walk normal when I had somebody to talk to. Maybe I didn't make that point very well... I found myself too conscience of my mannerisms when I was walking solo. I remember the first day of high school when I was so concerned about not walking like a sissy that my knees and hips locked up and I couldn't move. I stood frozen, pretending to be looking for something in my pockets. If only I'd known about the miracle of Xanax back then. We ambled slowly toward the 'party', cool as fuck. Just two dudes. "Relax, Little Scotty. You need to have fun now -- before the zombie apocalypse really gets out of hand. In fact, let's stop over here for a second..." He gestured to the hedge row next to the road. "What? Why? Do.." I was afraid he wanted some sex or something.Oh God. Not here. Not now. This whole boyfriend thing was going to be way tougher than I'd ever imagined. All he wanted to do was light a joint and share a few hits with me before we reached the group. "Nah...thanks, man. I've never done real well with pot. I tend to freak out a little." I hated it when my head felt like the Bullwinkle balloon at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. "You won't freak out with me next to you, Scotty. It'll earn us bonus points among our fellow losers." He was right about that. As plentiful as the magic weed was around this area, it still held status - like a pair of Vanderbilt jeans or the latest Nike's. Maybe since it was now grown in zombie soil it would be affect me differently. "Okay. Two hits...maximum." Robbie smiled and lit the thing with a powder blue lighter. Most of those big farm trucks only had AM radios, but Mac's dad's truck had FM and a cassette player. You'd think most farmers would be poor, but a few of them were very well off. Unfortunately, the station this crowd preferred was T-95 - a station that catered to metal heads. Ugh. I didn't like it too much but had to admit that it really fit our scene. Scuzz Rock. I suppose The Go-Go's wouldn't have pleased anyone but me right then. After a few more inhales of the earthy smoke, I almost physically felt a change in the dynamic between he and I. He really was trying to make it seem like we were just buddies and nothing else. Oddly, pot was leveling him out. The relief combined with the excitement made me almost giddy. Maybe it was never too late to have a happy childhood. "Whoa! Scott! Puff and pass, man!", one of the dudes hollered at us as we approached. "Not mine to offer. This is Robbie's party favor." He nudged my elbow as his way of saying 'thanks'. I had suddenly decided to stick by Robbie and make him feel part of the group. All he had to do was not act annoying. "Cool." Robbie hefted himself easily onto the open bed of the truck and then helped me up. Mac and Kurt were there along with their scags plus some freckled, fat chick - who's name I could never remember. Tracy something. I think. I was glad to see them. Debbie Blakely rushed up to me with a plastic cup of warm keg beer in hand. She started growing her enormous boobs in sixth grade. "Did you guys hear?" "Hear what?" "Our last semester of school has been cancelled! We're all going to get our diplomas automatically! I'm so happy I could cream myself!" Gross. She currently had no boyfriend and was sizing up Robbie and I as possibilities for a drunken fuck later on. Doubtful at best. "This is a celebration, boys! It's warm because Kurt had to hide it in his stepdad's garage for four days." She led us to the keg and fumbled around for cups. Warm beer is still beer and it was surprisingly not bad at all. We moved among the crowd that was getting larger as the sun had set completely. Cigarettes were lit and there was a small argument about who was singing the terrible song blasting. "It's Great White, you dumb fuck." "Sounds like Poison to me." "Because you're a fucking retard..." This was as deep as these conversations tended to get. Robbie shared his fat joint with Tracy who would do anything for free weed - up to and including giving Mac a blow job in front of six other people one night last Summer. That was at least a year ago and I still haven't been able to wash it from my brain. "Did you all go to the meetin'?," she asked with her hefty lungs full of smoke, "I didn't." Others in the group chimed in with their thoughts about the latest news on our situation. "I just don't get why we have to evacuate the town so they can build some national park. We're like fifty miles from the Flint Hills - which are at least sorta pretty." "My dad says there's no way he's gonna give up the farm that's been in our family for over a hundred years. Crazy old fucker is gonna sit on the porch with his shot gun." "I'm gonna go live with my dad in Joplin until I turn 18 and then I take off on my damn own." "Didn't he molest you when you were ten?" "Just that one time." I could tell Robbie was itching to chime in and, weirdly, I didn't care if he did. I even ventured to wrap my arm around his waist. He didn't even tense up. I guess I was trying to communicate that I no longer cared what these people said or thought. I only cared about and supported him. "Well...you know this place will never be some park, right?" He'd put his long arm around my shoulder. Shit was about to hit the fan. "It's contaminated. We're ALL contaminated by toxic chemicals that will prevent us from ever dying." Silence except for the remaining crickets and frogs still holding out from Summer. "Did it also turn you guys into fags? You're, like, holding each other," Kurt said all this in a way that betrayed him. He was afraid. It was my turn to have fun. "Yep. The army won't tell anybody about that just yet. After the second or third zombie showed up, I started liking dick. I found out Robbie had suddenly felt the same thing. It'll happen to all of you eventually too." Robbie's fingers found my left nipple and gave it playful squeeze through my shirt. The crew's responses ranged from "Bullshit" to "Fine by me. It'll be a relief to never worry about getting pregnant." I basked in the disruption to their tiny worlds. Separate little discussions broke out among them and Robbie and I were mostly forgotten. We could make our way back and forth to the keg for cups of warm beer uninterrupted. As it fully became night, my man and I sat on the edge of the truck bed and watched the sweet October moon rise boastfully overhead. A need to party and be stupid returned to the group and a now somewhat tainted celebration returned. I felt a decent buzz coming on as we watched the girls dash across the road to the dry dirt field to pee. I can still clearly see the little orange tips of their cigarettes bobbing around like slutty fireflies. I remember thinking I'd use this scene in a novel one day. I'd always wanted to write a book but never would. I yawned. "Don't start getting sleepy on me now, Scotty. I'm planning a big event for us tonight." "What?" "Just trust me...I'll provide information on a need to know basis." And then we were holding hands again. We got in his car and started driving in a direction that didn't make sense at first, We were going nowhere, down tiny little roads I'd never knew existed. We turned off onto a drive that was only deep ruts made long ago by some heavy tractor in the mud. It seemed too random. even for Robbie's brand of crazy. "Umm...this isn't even a road, dude. We're in a field for fuck's sake! We're going to get stuck or a flat tire or something." 8. "You really have to trust me right now. Do you?" I guess I had to. "Yeah." "Good. Because I have to turn the lights off in a second." What?! Tall dried weeds scratched at the windows, making a small panic spread in my chest. Sure enough, he turned off the headlights and we were just following the grooves in the ground in the dark for what seemed like a really long time. Mercifully, he finally pulled the car up on some relatively flat land. "We're here!" I don't think he brought me all the way out here for sex. If he were anyone else, I'd be certain I was going to be murdered. Weren't dead bodies found in spots like this? Oh wait - there was no such thing as death now. I'd almost forgotten. "Why are we here, Robbie? What is this place? This isn't even anyplace." He wasn't listening to me now. He'd opened the trunk to gather something. He emerged in the yellow moonlight with a backpack strapped over one shoulder. "What the fuck, man?" "Camping supplies." Was he kidding? "We've got a long night ahead of us, Buddy Boy. I hope you're ready for some walking." "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on." "What happened to the trust? Come this way." He followed a barely visible path through the weeds. Shriveled sunflowers, black-eyed susans, and plain old, nameless species of prairie grass. I wish now that I had never agreed to whatever adventure he had in mind. My life (so to speak) would be changed forever that night. I mean, what the hell was I even thinking back then as I followed him on that makeshift trail? There was an abrupt decline in our footing as we suddenly emerged into a hard,dry creek bed. It hadn't rained since May and all the creeks and ponds had turned to dust. It was a regional emergency according to my dad whose job depended on the farmers having good crops. We watched the local evening and sighed as the forecast remained unchanged for months. There was something grimly thrilling about it. Robbie produced a heavy duty flashlight from his bag. "Walk." We were on our way. Oh I couldn't wait to hear the explanation for this. "I want you to appreciate how freaked out I'm feeling right now, Rob." "OK, OK. I guess you deserve a lot more information. I'm sorry for being so cryptic, but it's a long walk and there's plenty of time to tell you everything. First off - we're in Willow Creek and we're walking to a park on the Southern edge of Wichita. The army didn't bother checking this place out and the nearest blockade was back a mile ago. You gotta be a little more thorough if you're gonna declare Martial Law in the middle of nowhere." "Wichita?? That's like twelve miles!" "A little less. This is a shortcut. It'll go faster than you think. I promise." "We could be shot. And what's in this park we're risking our lives for?" He sighed as we walked on what looked like the surface of some parched planet. "It's a long story. Let me go back a little: I was never really too afraid of the zombies, just curious. I learned as much about them as I could - up close and in person. I discovered that they weren't technically dead at all. Their bodies are warm. That isn't logical at all. Blood is still flowing in those veins. It seems they still suffer from whatever killed them, but to a lesser degree somehow. They can make eye contact but can't seem to communicate even though it looks for all the world like they want to. I heard one of them distinctly say 'why?'. A lot of them are naked only because they walk by tree branches, rusted junk and other obstacles that eventually tear their clothes to pieces. Hell, some of them even have bloody scratches and cuts - I guess from barbed wire fences. They're living people in most ways -- except they appear to be in a trance. They're sleepwalking but you really can't call it that. Are you following all this so far, Scotty?" I hadn't taken a breath the whole time he was talking. "Yeah. But what about the park we're going to?" "Okay...I'll go back even farther now: Remember how I told you about being turned on by danger? It's something I've analyzed myself about. Possibly some trauma happened to me in one of the foster homes I was in. Some pervy shit went on during my childhood even though I don't remember much before I was 15 years old. I think I was just bored with the same sex with the same few guys in the Bollard cemetery. That's when I started sneaking Donna's car for drives to that park in Wichita that was famous for cruising. You know what that means, right? Cruising? It's basically just gay men seeking anonymous sex in public places -- mostly at night. I heard about this park somewhere or read about it. Here's where it get's interesting... the zombie plague has spread faster and further than anybody knows. It's in Wichita now! I had some wild times in that place whenever Donna let me use her car or when she was blacked-out. But after the military showed up and cut off our access, I found this dried up creek and walked there for my fix." Robbie was maybe way too advanced (in a messed-up way) for me. Everything was falling apart and my love fantasies were turning to vapor. "How did you find this shortcut?" I was biding my time before announcing that I was heading back home. "One of the medications they make me take for hyperactivity actually makes me more hyper. Can you believe it? I started wandering around late at night which is how I found that spot in the cemetery and how I found this route to Wichita. It takes a little over two hours. Anything else you need to know?" "Aren't you worried about AIDS? Wichita probably has cases of it by now." "Oh I KNOW it does. Let me continue: Some of the park dudes I had encounters with had the look of sickness you could see even at night. Some had visible blotches on their skin. One guy even admitted he had it before we fucked. But that's not all. The park is behind a hospital where a social worker I know works. She used to keep in contact with me during the worst of my foster teens. Laura is her name but she spells it some weird way. Anyway - she's the one who told me about how AIDS patients were dying and then disappearing from the morgue. Isn't that insane? I even had sex with one or two of them. Yep -- zombies can get boners. It was so crazy dangerous and I could never get enough. I figured there was never going to be a loving relationship in my future so why not just go all out? Ya know? And now that there's no thing as death anymore...well." Holy SHIT!! He most likely had the virus and was only telling me NOW?! After what we already did together?? I should have never let my guard down with him. Motherfucker. "What is wrong with you, Robbie?? I mean, beside the obvious. Did you not think of me and my well-being?? I can't believe I was falling in love with you! Dumb-ass! I'm walking back now." "No. I can't allow that, Scotty. I have a gun with me. Please hear me out first. If you still want to abandon me, like everyone else I've ever known, after I'm done talking, then you can go. You'll never see me again." "Start talking already." "Love doesn't just go away like that. I'll always love you and you'll always love me. Deep down inside, you already know that. I know it. I have a plan: HIV is scary and destructive, but the chemicals which have caused our dire situation in the region have given us all a second chance to be as decadent as we ever wanted to be. AIDS zombies look and act than the so-called living versions. We are "preserved" so to speak. It's not the end of the world - it's the beginning of eternal life. Do you want to spend the rest of forever alone and sad? We have love now...and a way to make it last forever. It sounds crazy but these are crazy times. I want us to be together forever." "Wow. I think you've lost your fuckin' mind, Robbie. Yeah, you might not ever die - but you'll be a zombie. You'll lose your soul and probably a large part of your brain activity. I mean..." We kept walking in the path made by the flashlight. I saw the little lumpy mounds that I only recently figured out were the things where crawdads lived. I tended to focus on small details when I was stressed. I remember acting up and talking while Miss Olsen was trying to teach us something about long division. She announced that I would miss recess that afternoon because I was headed for the principal's office for a paddling. I was terrified and embarrassed, but found that I could keep from crying by looking at a crack in the wall that looked like a lightning bolt. I forced myself to stare at it and wonder how flaws like that decided to shape themselves. "But listen to me, Scott. We're different. It won't be the same. Don't ask me how, but I know that we'll hold onto the essentials. Our love can't die. It just CAN'T." He was nuts, but I was walking ahead, still following the path he'd found for us. Looking back now, I guess I'd just figured my fate had already been sealed. It's a fool's folly to fight the inevitable. "Let's walk a little faster." "That's the spirit, Babe." He opened up his bag and produced a medium-sized bottle of gin. "This will make the trip go much quicker." Right as he said that, a streak of silent lightning crossed the Northern sky. Uh oh. 9. He handed me the opened bottle. "I think we're in for a thunderstorm, Robbie." "Nah. That's just heat lightning. You usually don't see it this time of year. We might possibly get a little shower because the upper atmosphere is unstable, but nothing severe. It might even be refreshing. How's the gin? It's top shelf shit." A low 'moo'... a cow or a steer or something was nearby. "We're in a pasture. I've never had gin before, but it's not so bad. It's made from olives, right?" His relief that I was still walking next to him was palpable. "No. Close. Juniper berries. I like it because it's a wine-like buzz from a hard liquor. It's a mellow kick in the gut." "We're not going to get attacked by some angry bull are we?" "No. I've never even seen a bull on this walk. There's a slaughter house not far from here and I think they're laying low, fearful of the smell of blood and agony in the air." "That must be the part of Wichita that smells like dog food." "OK. Up ahead of us is where a concrete tunnel is built under a gravel road. It's small, but nothing to be afraid of. It's just weird. Every creek you drive over has one of these - built by the county. Let's talk. Ask me anything. We'll trade questions and answers." "Hmmm. Were you ever molested as a kid? In one of those foster homes?" I think I knew the answer. "Whoa. You just jumped right into it, didn't you? The answer is 'probably'. I don't know when or by who, but I've been sexual for a long time... even before I grew pubes. One of the therapists I've seen is positive that I was messed with. Who knows? Why was that your first question, Scotty?" "Your sex life seems a weirdly intense...or intensely weird...or both. I've heard that many abused children grow up to be abusers themselves. I'm not insinuating that you've abused anyone except maybe yourself." "I get what you're saying. I've talked to so many case workers, therapists and other assorted professionals and they can only conclude that I'm just plain nuts." "OK. My nonprofessional opinion is that, while you are weird, you've got a good heart and are capable of greatness. But people can't see that because of your day-to-day behavior." "That's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. My turn now. Why do you hate yourself? Wait -we're just around the bend from one of those tunnels I told you about. It's a big one too...right under I-35. Hear the cars?" I did. This was a heavily traveled highway that was popular with commuters and long haul truckers. When the bridge/tunnel was in sight, it looked dark, forbidden and not not least bit as magical as Robbie had insinuated. I stopped. My knees locked up and I felt frozen with fear. What if there were hobos sleeping in there? And they had knives? And what if... Just then there was a deafening noise that started with squeaking tires and ended with a huge BANG followed by a slow,hissing steam that I can still vividly hear to this day. A bad accident had happened almost right over our heads. "FUCK! That sounded pretty major." We stood still and watched the sky, waiting. "Yeah. It happens on this particular stretch of road often. I think most of those truckers are half-sleeping or on speed or riled up by libertarian talk shows on the radio. It could also be a drunk driver. Want to climb up there for a look?" "Oh hell no! What if there's blood or a severed head or something? I couldn't handle that." "Wow. For a strapping young man living in Zombie Town USA, you sure are timid." There was a smell of scorched engine fluids and diesel fuel . Just as I began to fear an explosion, the sound of multiple sirens could be heard in the distance. Not much they could probably do now. But I guess somebody had to do something. And then crazy red and blue lights were flashing and casting insane, dancing shadows across our faces and on the bone dry weeds around us. Doors slammed, urgent shouting ensued and police radios squawking was in the background. I felt the need to do something, but what help would two dumb 18 teenagers be to them? It feels so helpless to feel helpless. We silently agreed to return to the cracked path and continue our trek. "Is it just my imagination or are the batteries in your flashlight dying?" "Yeah. This thing eats D cells like a hungry sow. I've got more in the bag. I'll wait to put put new ones in as long as I can because it's a long journey and I want to get you back home before the sun comes up. Would your folks be upset if they found you gone in the morning?" "No. I don't think so. Everything's so crazy at home right now and they know I went to a party." The tunnel reminded me of a giant crypt. It was dark as death in there. There was an inch crust of silt under our feet. I'd assumed there would be graffiti spray-painted on the walls, but there were only some small snail shells stuck to the wall, glued by the hardened muck they'd excreted in rainier, happier times. I flicked one and it was as delicate and as a weightless seed pod. "Wow. This is eerie as hell, Robbie." "You think so? I like it....it's like our hick state's little version of the catacombs." Ugh. I'd hated the idea of those things since we first learned about them in school. Of course Robbie would dig it. Freak. "You didn't happen bring any Coke or bottles of water did you? I'm so thirsty." "Yeah. Let's stop for a bit to re-hydrate and rest a minute. Want a blanket to sit on?" "Nah. Mom taught me how to do my own laundry and wants me to practice before I leave for college. I guess that's all on hold now." We sat down and put our backs up against the concrete wall. He took a swig from the gin bottle and passed it to me. I didn't think liquor was all that hydrating, but took a few healthy sips anyway. I'd begun to like the taste of it. "So you're not going to college?" "No idea. I guess it depends on where we end up after the relocation. Maybe I'll use this creek again to just escape and find a new life somewhere else. Malaysia or anywhere far away. Would you come with me?" He scooted over and the whole right side of his body was against my left side. He put an arm around me and our heads touched. "Of course. I can access people and resources in several different cities -- none in Malaysia though. There's a pay phone right outside the park that I'll use to call this lawyer in Kansas City I know. He'll set us up and give us a place to stay as long as we want." "I've never been there. All I know about that place is just what I've seen on the news when they caught that gay serial killer. ..Bob Something." "Yeah.I saw that too. He was a fucking butcher, man. There are degrees of 'crazy', ya know? I like to think I'm on the sunnier side of mental illness." "A guy who has anonymous sex with zombies and HIV positive guys...yeah. You're a regular Daffy Duck." I was and wasn't kidding. He just laughed. This whole scene was surreal. 10. "This is sort of romantic, don't you think?" His voice had softened but still echoed in the concrete tunnel. It was also nice to be taking a break. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes until we both became aware of how deeply our breathing had become. He put an arm around my shoulders leaned a little and touched his lips to my ear. You never know what weird, wonderful turns your life can take. I'd sometimes considered suicide in the my feverish teen years and it chilled me to think all I would have missed. They should tell that to all depressed youth. Put it on billboards or something. It's as good as that "It Gets Better" campaign that started back when I was already in my 30's. "Remember what we talked about this afternoon? In my room? Have you thought more about it?" After we'd had a long, sweaty sixty nine-ing session in his bed, we both just lied on top of his tangled sheets and discussed sex stuff. He brought up the subject of anal intercourse and told me about how good it could be. He answered most of the technical questions I could think of. I guess I liked the idea of it, but told him I needed time. "Yeah. At first I thought I'd really only ever like the oral stuff. I hadn't considered what you liked. It was selfish to not consider your preferences. I want to do it for you, for us." I hadn't meant right this minute but he started kissing me and fumbling for my zipper. I needed a minute or two to mentally prepare myself. "Wait. Wait. Let's have a drink first. Let me relax a little." He looked at me with a grin I could barely make out in the dimness. "Okay, you shy little thing. Just one." He fished the bottle back out of his book bag and handed it to me. He was still rummaging around as I helped myself to some generous sips of gin. I remembered the only black girl in our class telling me that gin kept guys from losing their erections. She turned bad around the same time I had and started joining us behind the vo-tech building to smoke cigarettes. 'It make a man hard', she said. I took as many long gulps as I could while he was busy fiddling around with the flashlight. He's somehow set it to shine a low amber light over the immediate area above our heads. Why a flashlight would ever have such an option I'd never know. He brought the bag over and fluffed it up against the wall. "Here. You can use this as a pillow." OK. I guess this happening. Now. Right now. "Here? In the dirt? Why don't we wait until we can do it in a bed?" "I can't wait that long, Scotty. What's wrong with a little dirt? You can wash your clothes and take a shower later. Look - I brought some lube that desensitizes your ass a little. I'm sorry your first time has to be with somebody so big, but I'm sill glad it's with me. Just lie back and try to relax. You only get one first time." He chuckled lightly. "Yeah...maybe you should take one more shot." We each had one even though the earlier sips had already given me that underwater feeling. I am editing this story now to insert the fact that neither of us ever uttered the word "condom". I had to be drunk because being naked in some filthy underpass didn't seem all that out of the ordinary. Normally my head would be full of panic and my heart would be racing. I just wanted this. Robbie climbed on top of me after applying that tingling cream to my completely exposed anus. I guess there was no real point in seduction or foreplay, considering where we were and how much we had already done with each other. To say it hurt as he worked the tip of his fat boner inside of my hole would be a vast understatement. I mean, DAMN! I thought there was no way guys did this for fun! I instinctively tried to squirm out from beneath him. But he had complete control now. His hand went over my mouth and he used his powerful torso and long legs to hold me in place like a butterfly pinned to cardboard. "Shhh, Baby...this is the painful part. It gets so much better in a few minutes." His gentle voice and his ungentle dominance had made me even more helpless. I endured the initial pain and, sure enough, it did start to feel good in a way nothing else had ever felt good to me before. I thought he was already all the way in but he kept going in deeper, filling me more and more. I reached around and let my fingers brush the skin on his bare ass which was pumping at a furious pace. He must have been so relieved that I was no longer hurting that he felt the go ahead to just really go at it with gusto and it was so glorious. I remember thinking 'Please don't let this ever end'. "SHIT! I...I came. I can usually last longer if I really try." He stayed on top of me as his softening dick slowly stopped pulsing. The thoughts of what he'd just planted inside of me skimmed harmlessly off the surface of my brain. It was kind of late to worry anyway. I must have came at some point because our stomachs were both slick with my semen. I guess it would have been nice to just lie in that position with him for the rest of the night but we both had a mission to complete. We silently got dressed and he set the flashlight back to its normal function. I took a few seconds to grieve the fact that the sex had ended and I was no longer some virgin kid. I had no idea how to be an actual 'man'. That was going to be another long journey that so many of us are still on. As we emerged from the tunnel on the other side of the interstate I meditated on the term "lived in". People used it to describe a house that's comfortable but messy and structurally messed up a little. It could also be used to describe what my ass felt like at that moment. I was happily wounded as I limped slightly. Robbie put the bottle back in his book bag and reached over to hold my hand which was just the most perfect gesture right then. 11. "You never got around to answering my question." "Huh?" "Why do you hate yourself?" "I don't. Why would you assume that?" "I've watched you for years, Scotty. You've got so much going for you. You're cute, kind and have a certain shine that can be seen by everyone around you. You're also obviously smart, but never speak in class. You're isolated and always keep your head down. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen you smile and then you go and befriend only the lowest forms of life in Bollard." "Like you?" "I'm different. Mental illness pushed me to the fringes of society while you were born to be at the very top." "Hardly. I guess I have my own mental issues. Possibly the self-loathing started when I realized I was different than other boys. I knew I talked and acted wrong so I tried to change. I even prayed to Jesus that I could be normal. I stopped talking or socializing in case I forgot to not be myself. My parents pretty much ignored me once I was old enough for school. I was no longer their problem." "I get it. I'm fairly certain your story is not all that unique among gay kids. You aren't even the only closeted young man in our school." I almost wanted to ask who the others were but it wasn't my business...and I knew he'd tell me just that. Was he going to even comment about what we'd just done in the underpass? Did I want him to? "What are your mental issues, Rob?" "I might have time to tell you all of them if we were walking to Canada. Ba-dum-dump ssshhh. But seriously folks. I was diagnosed with ADD very early on and also depression. Over the years, various doctors have suggested everything from schizophrenia to autism. But you know what's funny?". I could hear some faint noises of the city. "Right here, being with you -- I feel totally normal. It's unsettling. How do people even go about doing that?" He gave my hand an extra squeeze. "My turn. Tell me something that gives you joy. No - tell me five things that give you joy." Before I could open my mouth, he chuckled. "Besides me, that is." "Fossils. Lilacs. Old library books. Um... Hawks. Meteor showers." "Lilacs?" "Yeah. When I was three or four years old, I wandered away from the backyard. I think I heard church bells. I eventually ended up on some street I didn't recognize and I was completely lost. I cried because I thought I'd be in trouble and get a spanking. I walked by this little house that was surrounded by six huge lilac bushes. I can still remember how good they smelled and how pretty the blossoms looked. Corny. I know. But I stopped crying and just walked up to the front door and knocked. Some old widow lived there and she'd been baking or something because there was a small blotch of flour on her cheek. She seemed happy to have a visitor and let me right in. I told her my name and said I wanted to go home. She knew where my parents lived and drove me back. So ever since then I've associated lilacs with kindness." "So cool. One day we'll live in a house surrounded by lilacs. One day we'll ... " He paused and let go of my hand. A zombie was right up ahead, walking our way. "Wow! This is my first time actually seeing one!" "Don't be afraid. Remember - they're harmless and they aren't actually dead. Shit. He must have fallen down here. He'll just keep walking until he gets all the way to Mound View." It's amazing how calm and safe I felt. I was mostly just curious. "He's not wearing a hospital gown...maybe he was somebody who just up and died somewhere near." "Look at the blood stain on the right side of his shirt. Gun shot. Come on...let's get a closer look." "No. Let's don't." "Come on, Scotty. They're lonely and seem to like having some company now and then." I guess he was my guide on this bizzarro tour, so I followed as he took me closer. The guy looked so alive in every way except for a certain dazed expression in his half-closed eyes. "He looks a lot like that substitute Spanish teacher we had a few times. Only much skinnier." "OK. Now look as I shine the light in his face. You can see that his pupils will adjust to the glare just like ours would." That's exactly what happened. And then Robbie handed me the flashlight. I aimed it away from his face because that seemed rude. "Hello. What is your name?" I was talking to an actual zombie (if that's even what they were). How many people could say they ever did that? The being opened his mouth. "Mmma...yes." Robbie took over. "You don't have to shout, Scott. They seem to hear just fine. Let me try. "What's your name, buddy? Mario? Miguel? Marco? Michael? Matthew?" "Mmaatto....o...Help me." Clear as a bell. I was stunned. I suddenly felt terrible about what was happening, what might happen. I was falling in love with Robbie but I knew he was going to do some weird thing with this person/zombie/being. "Let's just let him be and go." "Hold the flashlight again. I want to see his wound." Jesus Fucking Christ! I knew how things were going to go, but I didn't protest. Why oh why didn't I protest? I aimed the light on the poor guy's chest and held my breath while Robbie took off the shirt. The zombie deemed cooperative, even raising his arms to make it easier. Oh God. But the wound wasn't as gory as I expected - just a hole with one last little drizzle of blood dripping from it. "OK. Can we go now? This seems disrespectful." "Check it out. He's got tracks on his arm. Used needles for heroin or speed or something, that's for sure. I wonder if his dealer shot him." I hate to admit it, but I was fascinated. "Let's look for the exit wound." There wasn't one. But we did see were a few of those purple blotches that I'd already learned were an indication of AIDS. Robbie didn't say anything for a full minute which was a major feat for him. He just studied the lesions. Oh God. Was that what I had to look forward to in a few years? Months? Weeks? Only God knows what bizarre strain of the virus Robbie had passed along to me. "He doesn't seem dead at all." "Or high...or withdrawing from his addiction. I really think that this so called version of death is more of a rebirth now. It cures what ails ya'. But if you have any doubts at all, let me show you something. They're not dead at all." I knew this was coming. He was going to do something sexual with the poor guy. How did I get myself here? In this particular bizarre moment? I could be at home right now, re-reading an old Ray Bradbury book. 12. "I'm gonna need you to hold the light real steady and aim in where I tell you to. Will you do that for me?" "Yes, Rob." The first thing he did was brush his hand across our new friend's chest. If one can swallow a scream, that's what I tried to do. He then concentrated on 'Matto's right nipple. It instantly got hard and pointy. "Yeah. He likes that. He likes us. Let's welcome him back to his second life." Robbie went to work on the guy's zipper."Untie his shoes and help me get his jeans off." I knelt down and unlaced his beat-up Nike high tops. It looked like he wore size 10's - same as me. But I couldn't get them off his feet while he was standing. "Help me lay him down on his back. Gently." We eased him horizontal on the dry creek bed, and he seemed okay with that. "Get his shoes off." I did. And the stink of his socked feet was not the smell of death...it was a locker room odor that seemed very 'alive'. His feet were damp. How exactly were these guys even considered 'dead'? It's simple - they were alive. Of course I looked at his dick. It was a pretty decent size and a shade or two darker than the rest of his exposed flesh. It looked swollen with semi-excitement. Robbie stroked it gently and it got thicker and harder right before my disbelieving eyes. Swear to God - it was straight up pornographic but also fascinating (the way most good pornography is). I felt myself getting an erection in spite of everything. As my new boyfriend - the man who took my virginity - bent down and took Matto's dick in his mouth. He was making small groans of pleasure. I didn't want to watch but how could I not, ya know? The moans kept getting faster and louder until the crickets around us grew silent. Robbie lifted his head and looked at me. "You're turn." Was he kidding? I'd had so many firsts already in one day. "Come on, Scotty. He really loves it." "I don't know, Robbie." "Don't forget - I have a gun. Blow him..or else!" "Seriously? You'd kill me for not sucking off a zombie? Well, go ahead." The zombie seemed unhappy that the fellating had stopped. He whined the way a kid does when he's cranky. "OK. I'm not going to kill you any more than I already have, but I really need you to do this. Maybe it'll give you something to write a book about someday." I hadn't ever shared my desire to write a novel with him. Robbie just always knows things. He'd be that way the whole time I knew him. I decided to do it. A part of me wanted to do it anyway but a sense of humanity had made me have to hesitate. "I'll do it." Starting was the hardest part . The man's penis was twitching with a need to release. He even lifted a hand to the side of my face as if to urge me downward. And then...and then I took a zombie penis in my mouth. It felt every bit as warm as Robbie's dick had. Was that really only this morning? It seemed like years ago. The taste let me know he probably hadn't showered in a few days but that's not saying I didn't like it. Matto's hips were moving upward as if I wasn't taking him deeply enough. I'd eventually come to always love sucking an impatient man's dick. The sounds he made told me he was close to orgasm. "OK. Stop. He's gonna shoot." Wasn't that what he wanted?? "I want you to take off your pants and sit on his dick." "No. I just can't." "It's either that or you have to fuck his ass." "No." I figured he'd tell me about the gun again. Instead, Robbie punched me in the stomach. I fell to the ground, trying desperately to get air into my lungs. Then he fell on top of me and wrestled me flat on my stomach (another kinky fetish of mine was born). I was in pain and gasping for air as he laid me out flat on my stomach and undressed me from the waist down. "Keep your head down, Scotty! It'll be easier for you if you get on your knees and lift your ass in the air." I just couldn't. I was frozen like a jammed film reel and the projector bulb was burning me to a melted nothing. I'm not trying to sound dramatic but I think my brain, along with my motor skills, had gone bye-bye. "OK. Well, maybe it won't be so bad since I already opened you up a few minutes ago. Looks like you're still bleeding a little. Shit. Get ready." So I guess this wasn't love at all. I was just part of Robbie's twisted games. I was right and wrong about that, but I remember at the time, wishing he'd actually brought along this hypothetical gun he claimed he had and blow my head off. Nah -- I think my brain was pretty much gone no matter what happened next. I was waiting for a coma or shock or anything to get me out of here. I know I was jealous of those people who really did lose their minds. My brain had been my problem for 18 years -- maybe it was time to end my relationship with it once and for all. But insanity remained woefully out of my grasp. I was still fully aware that the guy I thought might love me was going to watch as a zombie with AIDS fucked me. How many people on Earth go through a whole lifetime without anything this messed up happening to them? "It's OK. Oh, look -- he's still nice and hard again. The second he saw your bare ass, our new friend got really fucking excited! Here you go, Matto...let me ease you on top of little Scotty here. His hole is extra sweet." And then, with a painful 'whump', the weight of this stranger was fully on top of me. He smelled strongly of sweat and, weirdly, the ocean. I never did figure out where that particular came from. He weighed less than Robbie did but the cracked earth beneath me was much harsher on my bones than the dust under the highway. What could I do? Complain?? The zombie dick entered me with no ease or thought of me. His narrow hips were on auto-pilot. Of course it hurt, but not as keenly as Rob's dick had. His breath was uniquely human -- unbrushed teeth and something charred. I can still smell it some thirty years later. Matto's thrusts were not artful at all. He was just stabbing away down there. I was going to leave this next part out of the story -- but, what the hell -- I was extremely aroused. I could feel a climax knocking at my dick's door. It felt GOOD! The unrealness, the inner throbbing and the zombie's rough little hands holding the sides of my face....I came two seconds before he did. Two men had ejaculated inside of me as of today. October 23, 1990. Which one did I regret more? Both? Neither? So there I was...face down in a dry creek bed somewhere in Sedgewick County with noxious sperm in my guts and a zombie softly sighing on my back. I'll never forget the way he was petting my hair, petting me like a dog. I never imagined how I'd ever make peace with this -- but I did, almost instantly. I'd enjoyed it despite myself. Maybe I'd already lost my mind and didn't know it. Whatever. I felt a kind of numb joy that didn't have a name. The sensation of Matto's softening dick leaving me was almost sad. He was probably really great in the sack back before his life started taking wrong turns. I recovered enough to talk. "Get him off of me. He's done." I wished my voice had sounded angrier -- but I had no fight left. Robbie helped him stand again and as I then pulled on my pants. When I turned around, Matto's dick was tucked safely back in his jeans but Robbie was now exposed. I'm guessing he'd jacked off while watching the scene. His dick was constantly ready to shoot the entire time I knew him. (if you ever find a man like that don't let him go) I think Matto wanted to follow us but Robbie turned him the other way and guided him back toward where we had come from. That didn't work so Robbie turned the flashlight off and we started jogging faster. My hand was in his and I was fine with that even though I know I should have been angry with him. The zombie was faster than you'd think. All you learned from movies and TV is so hilariously wrong. 12. "Are you mad at me, Scotty?" I thought about not saying anything, but I needed to talk. "Yes. I am. Don't ever hit me again. Don't ever force me to do something I'm not ready for." "I promise, cross my heart....I would add 'and hope to die', but there's no such thing as death for either of us. I'm so sorry for punching you. I just needed for you to experience that. I have reasons." What reasons? I supposed he'd tell me eventually and he did a few months later. "You owe me, Rob. Agreed?" "Absolutely, Scotty." We were getting closer to the city. I could see that sickish orange glow that all cities have now. "Well...I want to go home. I don't want to cruise the park. I need my home, my bed, my night light, a book and a long rest." "Oh. OK. Are you absolutely sure? It's fun." "You owe me, Rob." "Yes, yes. OK. Let's get you home.I'm sorry. I love you." "If you really mean that then this was the last time either one of us will have sex with other people. It's just you and I for as long as we're together." I could feel my spine getting straighter and sturdier with each word I spoke. "Seriously? I mean...seriously?" "Yes. Give me your keys. We can call it quits right now. You can go to the park and I'll drive myself home. I'm giving you your 'get out jail free' card right now, Robbie." "So you love me?" "Not right this minute maybe. But,yes. I am in love with you." How many of us can say that the first time we told a boyfriend that we loved them and really meant it? I did... or at least as much as any 18 year old could know what love was. I'm still not quite sure. "I don't think anyone has ever loved me before. I mean, maybe my birth mother did at one point, when I was a baby -- but I don't ever remember feeling loved." "So, do you love me?" "YES! Which is why I'm officially ending my play time...my experiments. From now on, you are my one and only. Monogamy is worth a try." He then took my hand and we walked back toward Bollard. Home. My head was quickly clearing up by that point. "Just tell me...what we did, what I did wasn't necrophilia, was it?" "You mean you still think of them as 'dead'?? They are living human beings who were dead for a few minutes, but not anymore. Death is just a stage for us now. An incredibly brief stage at that." "Fine. But I will always have a doubt somewhere in my brain." "That's your right. You will be the moral compass for both of us." "Deal. As long as you're always our designated fuck-up." 13. And we made it back to his car which looked beautifully ordinary after all the madness I'd experienced in the past few hours. I nearly cried. I asked him not to play that music on the drive home. I rolled down the window and listened to the engine and the wind. Robbie would be the first person in my life who always knew when I needed an extended period of not talking. I had talked enough for one day. We had a chaste little kiss when he dropped me off a few doors away from my house. The porch party had either ended or moved somewhere else. All the lights in the living room were on. A few of my dad's favorite vinyl records (mid-70's crap) were laying here and there without their sleeves. He must have been seriously out of it because that man treasured his album collection. I thought I could smell puke coming from somewhere but didn't feel like looking for it. Mom would be mad for at least a week about this. Not my problem. They're only offspring was gone until 3 in the morning and they hadn't even noticed. I loved the non-care once I became a teenager, but would be angry about it later in life. I've forgiven them at this point. They shouldn't have ever had children, but what's done is done. Let me say that again: WHAT'S DONE IS DONE. Never forget that. So what happened next? For a few months, it was as close to normal as it could have been. My mother really liked the army's make-shift grocery store that was set up just inside the quarantine. My dad seemed pretty happy about the big checks we were getting from the government. "Owning property in this shit town was the best investment I ever made," he'd said a few too many times. The trash was picked up. The heavily censored newspaper resumed publishing, but the grain elevators never reopened. Robbie's guardian stopped drinking only because she was diagnosed with heart failure and was so weak she couldn't even make fresh ice. Donna turned out to be a really nice person once she was sober. Robbie and I were the ones who made sure she took her multiple medications. The three of us would be together almost every day since I was practically living there by that time. She had a heart attack and was rushed to the army's new surgical unit. She died right there on the operating table. We'd never find out if she returned to life because the military took care of everything in a 'dignified and respectful manner'. She'd left the house and a huge chunk of money to Robbie. "She did this way back when she was all drunk and horrible!" he'd always say with amazement. I guess I wasn't the first person to love him after all. Late in the Winter of 1991, the relocation process began. I had to tell my parents that Robbie and I were lovers and would be moving away together. We were a couple just as they were. It's like I'd just told them I was reading a new library book. They just didn't care. There were too many other things to think about. The military individually debriefed us for about an hour over the course of three weeks. Even kids as young as four were told things like where we'd be moving to from a pre-approved list. I remember telling them that Robert Tyler and I were a long-term couple and would only agree to move away as a couple. The military guys didn't even blink at the gay thing nor did they deny our request. We picked a college town because we figured it would be more progressive and 'fun'. Families could move together, but not extended family members like grandparents or adult children. No unrelated residents could live within a hundred miles of each other because the government wanted to discourage 'fraternization'. I guess it's like back in the 1800's when you'd see friends and loved ones get in a covered wagon, head out West and that was it. You never saw them again. It was like a death in that way. We were told we'd be moving into new subsidized housing and then monitored very closely for the foreseeable future. Our phone calls, mail and travel would be closely watched. Our computer usage would be severely limited. At the time, I wondered why they'd be interested in a machine that you only used to write book reports and play games on. We all had to have a medical checkup every year from the physician of their choice. For how long? Indefinitely. And then we were forced to sign a promise that we'd never discuss the events of the last year. Penalties for not complying included fines, imprisonment or 'worse'. I just wanted to start a new life with Robbie somewhere far away from hay bales and tractors. The money they gave us in exchange was so worth keeping a secret for. Where did the government get all this money? There was a recession at the time. I signed the agreement. "Just think - someday you can visit this place when it'll be the biggest national park in the Midwest!" The grandpa-looking guy seemed to be very good at lying to people's faces. I almost smirked, but fought the urge. Robbie didn't. He was a regular asshole to the guy who debriefed him. He told me later that he asked about the zombies, JFK's real killer and Area 51. I wish I could have been there for that. We were among the last people to leave because he was detained for two weeks. I don't know what they did to him during that time and he'd never tell me. For years he just wouldn't speak of it, but it had incubated an anger in him that would last the whole time I knew him. I stopped asking. We had a happy couple of years once we moved to the new town. We spent our days leisurely and were never apart. Clinton was president and everything just seemed more hopeful. Can you believe how lucky we felt that he'd given us 'don't ask don't tell'? His sexual appetite was exhausting but I kept up with it because I didn't want him finding release elsewhere else. We each got involved with community and university groups. That's where it all went sideways. I was involved with astronomy, geology and wildlife causes but Robbie went his natural trouble-making route. He joined up with political groups and decided he was now a 'queer activist'. He went to every march, protest and rally he could. I tried to remind him we were still under surveillance at all times. If we wanted to keep this nice house and our peaceful lives, he needed to be cool, be discrete. "I can't believe how little you care about reclaiming our privacy and rights as citizens!" "I can't believe how little you care about ME! It sucks, baby. But I'd rather have you here with me than watch you get dragged away in some black van at midnight. This house is most likely bugged but we've sure given them a lot to listen to." (he was very into dirty talk during sex) That made him smile a little, but he never let go of the anger and that need for justice. He went to the campus library daily and researched Abbie Hoffman and Angela Davis which I knew would be tracked through the school's computers. He was so goddamn determined to change the world, to shake things up. I worried of course, but gave up trying to talk sense into him. It just made him mad and we'd argue. I hoped for the best and let him do his own thing. And then... And then he disappeared. It was a Friday night and we'd gone to see The B-52's in concert. They were one of the few bands we both liked. We were dancing and yelling and having a great time when I suddenly noticed he wasn't next to me. I thought we'd just lost each other in the crowd. But I never saw him again. He had the keys and so I got a ride from some severe goth chick with a lip piercing. I didn't say much as she talked non-stop about how she was trying to start a lesbian pro-vandalism art movement. Interesting. She was premed but had found it so easy and effortless that she had time to be creative and outrageous. Her name was 'Vee' and we're friends to this day. She became a pediatric surgeon - if you can believe that shit. I've almost wished I'd told her my story many times. She would have made something great out of it. I never even told her about Robbie because I knew he was gone...for good. I never really let myself grieve for many years. I kept my head down and adjusted to living alone with my secrets. I forgot to mention that it was soon after our first medical appointment with a doctor that we found out we had a virus. It was something they'd never seen before...similar to HIV but not quite. The doctor was a shill for the government of course. He didn't bother asking me about my sexual history (not that I would have told him). He only told me that there would be a treatment very soon. He told Robbie the same thing, the same rehearsed bullshit. If they'd never seen it before, how could there be a cure on the way? I had to stop drinking, smoking and any and all drug use. He wasted his breath. Vee and I would take long walks around the campus park while smoking blunt after blunt after blunt. She admitted that she had been seeing a shrink for ten years. She'd had shock treatment many times. I wondered if I should try that. Or a lobotomy. Take my earlier life away from my memory. But Vee patiently explained that 'E.C.T' wasn't like that at all. To this day Vee is a confirmed stoner but still the smartest, most coherent person I'd ever know. This past June, I developed heart problems. I had chest pains and shortness of breath. And a few weeks ago, I developed a scaly rash on my hands and feet. My appointed doctor told me that it was an anomaly and had nothing to do with the mystery virus I carried. He said I would live a long life. I doubt anything he says, but I guess I'll find out eventually. I know I can never die. END

Right there with you, with this day in age of PrEP. I don't understand why guys seekout to become poz, before PrEP was available I can understand the "just get it over with so I dont have to fear it anymore" I view seeking out HIV or purposely self destructively going unmedicated like I view a sucidal alcoholic drinking themselves to death, very very sad, and something upstairs is very wrong. I view people who are poz and not on meds so they can specifically poz other people, esp people who are obvious to their status/the lie. that is incredibly malicious and IMO guys who do that are complete scumbags, borderline serial killer mentality. When I read about people on here wanting to contract a Trudava resistant strain so they can specifically poz us guys who are on PrEP, Im literally sick to my stomach. What in the actual fuck? Why ? Incredibly selfish and homicidal like behaviour.

Note for readers: I always appreciate and read comments - one that I get a lot is "not enough sex". Well I added more sex (starting in part 6). But as I added more sex, I added more characters and the story got more massive. It covers all sorts of sex and does contain some violence. Approach with caution if you are the gentle sort. It's not autobiographical, but there are parts me in the Brian character. There really is no Ted -- even though I sort of wish there was because I really grew to love him as I wrote this story. He's based on several people I've known, met, chatted with or read about in other forms of fiction. I almost hate that this story is finally finished. All characters and locations are completely fictional. Toon I dedicate this work of fiction to a man I was too stupid, selfish and shortsighted to hang on to. I miss you, Sir. 1. BEFORE TED -- 1989 I'm not entirely sure when I turned into such an asshole. I think it all began when I moved away from home and decided to kill the sad loser I'd always been. I needed an extreme makeover. My initial plan to become straight pretty much died when I arrived on campus and saw all the hunks in shorts sand bare chests walking up and down my dorm hallways. It was one of those famously athletic schools with excellent sports teams and generous scholarships. Yikes. I was pursuing a degree in industrial design because I'd heard they could have their pick of high-paying jobs if they had talent. I groomed myself thoroughly and tried to keep abreast of everything"cool" to wear, think and listen to. Little by little - I began fitting in. I worked on my voice, my walk and my smile. The egotistical asshole in me was emerging. I was engaged in my classes and worked hard. Professors and classmates would say nice things about me, and I'd horde every compliment away like I was a squirrel storing nuts away for a long Winter. Nourishment for the jerk I was becoming. 2. A LITTLE CLOSER TO FINDING TED -- 1993 St. Louiburg, Missouri - Well, I'd done it! I landed a great job in big city with a company you've heard of. The stage was set! I moved into what I considered to be a really nice apartment building. I still didn't look the way I wanted, though. I used a few of all my new credit cards to buy a weight bench, go to a tanning bed and get tinted contacts so that my dark brown eyes looked even blacker. I found it easier and easier to meet people and talk to them. I made tons of work friends (mostly women). Jana was my favorite. She was beautiful and smart -- a little on the sarcastic side. We'd have lunch together and she knew the dirt on everybody. She was the kind of bitch you do NOT want to get on the bad side of. Ever. We'd been friends for almost a year when she confronted me about my fashion sense. Her look was serious but there was kindness in it. "Brian, Honey...We need to talk. For a gay man, you have terrible taste in clothes." Huh? I never told her I was a homo. I've since noticed that certain women just know. She had a big mouth--so I guess the whole 'coming out' process would be out of my hands at this point. "I dress just like my manager, just like the guys in my department." "Hopelessly straight bores. I'll take you shopping on Saturday...and then we'll visit my hairdresser." Gulp. OK. You can't refuse Jana. "But I'm not so sure I want to look like upper management. I think I mostly just want to be good enough for a hot man, I'm lonely." "I'll think on that later, Dear." So we shopped at the snootiest menswear stores you can imagine. She picked out formal clothes, casual clothes, underclothes and a few pairs of shoes that cost more than my rent. The haircut was OK - but not terribly different or better than the ones I got at Super Cuts (the ladies are so nice there). We hit some skincare shops before finishing up for the day. All she was doing was gussying up the arrogant prick I'd become...making things worse. 3. TED AT LAST -- 1993 There was a really hot new gay club in town called "Ledge". It was apparently so cool and exclusive that hip. straight couples flocked to it every night of the week. Jana dressed me up one Friday night and took me there in her ridiculously expensive new sport car. She looked like a million bucks and I maybe looked like a thousand at most. She smelled like the kind of perfume you couldn't find at Rite-Aid. The Ledge was in an iffy neighborhood and so she parked a million miles away....in a well-lit lot with cameras and a security guard. I paid and slipped the guy an extra twenty. He was almost ready to hug us both. Once we got to the sidewalk, you could already hear the music and assorted frenzied activity from the club. Jana paused under an exceptionally bright storefront and sized me up and down. She looked pleased. "My god! I'm a miracle worker. Everything is on your tab tonight. I don't think I got your cologne just right -- but it'll be so smoky in there, nobody will notice." "Just stay close to me, Jana. I'm nervous right now." "Don't worry my poor little virgin farm boy. Mother won't leave you." She laughed. This was going to be OK. Maybe even great. And there we were - at the entrance. I was impressed already. It was a HUGE place! I mean, Wow! The cover charge was pretty steep, but it probably had to be. "Don't let me do anything stupid." She nodded and held my hand. This was going to be so cool. We were a bit early for a weekend evening but it was still pretty crowded. We lucked upon an empty table that a couple had just abandoned. Jana adjusted herself primly on one of the tall stools. "Do you see those big, glowing blue drinks people have? Want me to get you one?" "For starters. Just don't fall in love with that hunky bartender. They're perfect and they know it. Tip-loving parasites. This will be your first test, Brian." Well the bartender was a hunk alright. He gave me a wink as I ordered two of those bizarre drinks which were famously called "Neon Windex". He let his fingers linger over mine as I handed him the cash. Sorry. I know your story, shit stain. Jana arched a perfect eyebrow as I approached. "Well done." "What do you think is in these?" "Who the hell knows? Rum is my guess -- with a generous helping of nuclear waste. Drink!" It was good. It didn't taste like booze at all. I suddenly remembered a girl from high school who got pregnant after drinking Long Island Iced Teas 'it don't taste strong, but it IS'. I wonder what happened to her. Not many good things is my bet. It may not have tasted strong but I could already feel a heavy duty wave of something making me giddy. I watched the beautiful crowd. I was not worthy of this scene just yet. I needed more work. I saw a few men that I wanted to undress in jack-off fantasies later tonight. I'd almost forgot about Jana until I heard her slurp the last of her toxic drink. She never drank anything without a straw so as not to mess up her perfect lipstick that probably cost a hundred bucks a tube. I was looking at her pretty face, feeling drunk. "You're beautiful, Jana." "Yes. It's true. Don't think I'm not watching you. I see who you take extra long looks at. You like 'em tall, dark-haired, and I'm almost certain you have a thing for Hispanics. Yes?" A person can only take so much of Jana in a single dose. "Yeah? What about you, Sweetie? Who have you noticed?" "I'm not even window shopping tonight, Darling. I just switched birth control and can't even take the chance of having a penis inside of me." Sensible gal. "Speaking of which - you know not to let any part of a man inside of you that's not covered in latex, right? I refuse to lose you before your time, Brian." "I have a keen eye for news when it comes to AIDS prevention, statistics. and have rubbers at home that I bought the minute I decided I wanted man sex. The box has never even opened. They don't go bad do they? Expire?" I didn't see how they could. "Oh they can...and do! I'll take you to buy the kind I swear by. But remember -- condoms are a little less than 90% effective. Make sure it's worth the risk. Get a guy's history first." "I know all that, Jana. I know condoms can break...because I think I am the result of a faulty 70's condom. My folks were pretty old when I was born. They never wanted to be parents..that much was pretty obvious from the beginning." I'd been coming to terms with that for a long time now. I just didn't want that part of my tragic shit broadcast to a potential mate/husband. "Well -- I'm going to introduce you to my therapist. She'll fix you up good. Now go out there and dance!" Was she serious? No way. "I can't. I haven't danced in front of people since the homecoming dance when I was a sophomore in fucking high school!" "Well...OK. Just go up there and look open to the possibility, OK? Make eye contact with someone you fancy and see what happens. I'll save your seat." I was not going to win this round. Fine. I worked my way through the gorgeous crowd, careful to avoid their careless cigarettes and drinks. At least the music was excellent as it blasted through the billion speakers embedded in the walls. It was that cold British pop/new wave I'd grown to love lately...right after my grunge phase. Good shit. The Darling Buds, Charlatans UK, The Sleepers, etc. The DJ was some kind of genius- mixing snippets of some 80's beats in the songs so delicately you'd just assume they were recorded that way originally. I was transfixed by the sounds as I passed by some big guy hunkered down at a cigarette machine and obviously fighting with it. "GODFUCKINGDAMMIT!" I stood next to him. "Need another quarter?" He stood up fully and cast an enormous shadow over me. My guess is that he was 6'5" or taller...maybe 250 pounds. 300? "No. I put in more than enough money in, but the knob won't pull out. Piece of shit machine!" The problem was simply that his brand was all sold out. "What's your second favorite brand?" He picked and the knob pulled straight out. Ta Da! "Thanks, Kid." "Can I bum one?" "Least I can do. Sure. I'm Ted." He held out an enormous hand for me to shake. My fingers were almost sucked away in the gravitational pull of that giant paw. Hot. He lit the smoke for me and I inhaled gratefully. The crowd had gotten denser and I was pretty sure Jana couldn't see me. She hated smokers. "Brian. Want to dance, Ted?" He laughed wide enough that I could see his buck teeth that had mostly been disguised by his thick full beard and mustache. So what? Perfect smiles were almost always enhanced by a dental intervention or expensive products. "I look like a giant hippo on the dance floor." We went and sat down at a little corner bar that was strategically located where the dancers could quickly hydrate. The stools were all empty and so we settled in. Ted was the kind of guy you had to examine closely because the sum of his parts was too much to take in at once. Huge. Just so huge. "but I can tell you want to go out there....so GO! NOW!" He was bossy in a different way than Jana was. It gave me a thrill and I wanted more. "These really aren't my kind of guys, Ted." "You're kidding, right? What's you're type?" "I don't know. You. You're my type." I don't think I was saying that quite right. "Huh?! You're into big guys? Beards? Ugly faces?" He seemed genuinely perplexed. "I like real men. Authentic." "Well...that type is hard to find in places like this. I'm only here because..." His tone had changed and his face softened, "Well. My lover and I had some great times here -- he loved to dance. He died a few months ago. And it ... he..." I could see tears form in his eyes, Oh man. Dead lover = AIDS = Red lights, danger!! Run!! "Let me buy you a drink, Ted. We'll toast..." "Andy." I ordered us each a simple domestic beer from the overworked bartender who was too busy to flirt. I left him a generous tip. "I'm sorry for your loss. We can talk about it if you want. Or not." "Maybe not just now, Brian. Tell me about you." I gave him a general overview of my current life, nothing too specific. Then the DJ played a favorite song of mine: "White Shirt" by The Charlatans UK. It made me involuntarily bob my head to the beat. "Go dance already, Brian! Don't make me have to tell you again. I'll be right here." I just left him alone there and followed my eager feet to the dance floor. The booze or something made me brave enough not to care who was watching me just dance without a partner. My hips unlocked and I hit a groove. Was I maybe showing off a little - for Ted to see? Maybe. Arrogant assholes like myself always have a secondary motivation for doing anything. The song seamlessly segued into another, then another. Before I knew it, I had a dance partner. Cute guy, my age. He was a clone of so many of the pretty boys I'd seen around. His dance skills put mine to shame. I pantomimed an exhausted, sweaty dancer and moved off the dance floor. He followed. "Oh my god! It get's so warm when it's crowded like this. Oh my God! Hi - I'm Douglas..." He didn't offer a hand to shake. "Brian." I didn't want Ted or Jana to see me with him and assume he was 'my type'. "Want to go somewhere for a minute?" Like where? The bathroom? The parking lot? Uh, NO. "I can't. I'm here with somebody." "So what? I am too. Can I get your number at least?" And then a heavy arm went over my shoulder. "Hey, Babe. Who do we have here?" Ted. He bent down and gave me a whiskery kiss on the cheek. Before I could say a word, Douglas was gone. "Thanks, man." I kind of didn't want him to stop holding me like that. "No problem. You looked like you were trapped." "Ted to the rescue! Want another beer?" "Nah. I need to go now. Some other time, OK?" "Sure." I was about to compose a pout on my face when he took both my hands in his. "May you never have your heart broken, Brian. May you never know loss or pain." He looked as if he was on the verge of crying. He may have made it the other side of grief, but he hadn't made it back yet. He then tucked something into my back pocket. "Don't read this until I'm out of here." He gave me a full on kiss on the lips. Yep - I was into beards for sure. As I made my way back to Jana, I suddenly remembered a story a female friend in college once told me: "The first thing I thought of after my mom told me how babies were made was how horrible it must have been for Wilma Flintstone." I'd never once thought about she and Fred having sex - but it changed how I thought of cartoon men forever. I remember thinking how much I wouldn't mind doing it with Fred or Bluto from the Popeye show. Oilve Oyl should have chosen him over that freaky sailor with the weird forearms. Hell, I'd probably even let Homer Simpson fuck me if I'd had a few drinks first. Jana wasn't at our table. In the place where we'd been sitting there were two scary goth chicks with severely short hair and piercings everywhere. She wouldn't have ditched me. "Brian!" The weirder of the two shouted at me over the music. You're Brian, right? Jana just went to use the bathroom and told us to keep an eye out for you." I just smiled and stood there like a giant squirrel. "I'm Veronica and this is Anika. Go find two more stools, Anika." The meeker girl left as instructed. Veronica gestured for me to sit. "Nice to meet you, Veronica." "Oh just call me 'Ronnie'. Everyone does. This is for you," she gestured to a fresh Blue Windex. "Seriously? These things are lethal." "Yeah. I think she wants to talk to you about something serious." uh oh "About what?" I suddenly felt like I was waiting in the principal's office. Ronnie just shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe about that bear you were smooching." "That what?" "Wow. You're as green as she said. 'Bears' are big, hairy dudes. I've never seen them here before but you found the only one. Here they come." Anika and Jana were each carrying a bar stool. Jana and I were facing them which I didn't like because I needed to read her face in order to gauge her mood and see how much trouble I was in. I took a few heavy sips of toxic waste while we made some friendly small talk that ended too soon as Ronnie stood up and announced they'd let us have some privacy now. No! Stay! "It's time for me to go show Anika off and scare some straight people. Come on, you sexy little bitch." I could easily picture Ronnie walking Anika around on a dog leash. I frankly didn't know much about lesbians, what they did in bed. "Let's switch to the other chairs, Jana. We can't see anything from this side." "Exactly. I need your undivided attention right now." she turned the stools so that we were facing each other. She looked serious but not angry. "I saw everything, Brian. I followed you. covertly. We're here for an hour and you already need an intervention." "What? Why?" I was suddenly fed up with this Daniel/Mr. Miagi thing we had going on. I was a grown man for god's sake! "Look. You're new at all this. I get that, OK. But when I saw you go straight for the biggest, fattest, hairiest guy in the city..." "I wouldn't call Ted 'fat'. He's just husky, solid." "Ted? Ted's the pig's name? A Ted is someone who installs siding or fixes your alternator." "What about Ted Kennedy or Ted Nugent?" "Did you really just use those two names in the same sentence?" "Whatever - that's awfully judge-y coming from a woman with two ex-husbands! He's actually going through a hard time right now. He's grieving." She looked at me with something new in her eyes. "I'll be damned...I think I saw you show some empathy for a moment." "Moment's over, Darling. He's not interested in dating anybody right now." I didn't tell her about the dead lover or the note he gave me. I couldn't wait to read it, but not in front of her. "OK. Tell me more about him, about this Ted." I gushed about his rough hands, his giant boots, his warmth, his perfect beard. And on and on. "He only looks rough, Jana. But maybe that's my type. I'm still figuring it out." "It's a stage I went through in high school. I liked 'em rough and 'bad' on the outside but tender inside. I guess you're basically just twelve years old at this point. Welcome to junior high," That second drink was affecting me something fierce, My brain wobbled. "Think we can go pretty soon?" "Yeah. Fresh air will be good for us, Don't think I didn't see you with that cigarette....you may NOT smoke in my car or my house or anywhere within ten feet of me." We ran into Ronnie and her pet Anika on the way out. "You guys are leaving already? Well, drive safe. I'll call you next week, Jana." She stuck out her pierced tongue at us which I guess was considered a friendly gesture in her world. "Are you a lesbian now?" I was kidding, but you had to be careful when joking with Jana. "If only. I'm just too fond of men and what's in their pants. She and Anika run a vintage clothing store. We're all going to get pedicures at this place she recommended. I also gave her your number...in case you want somebody to accompany places where men like this 'Ted' hang out. I'm certainly not going with you. Plus, I think she has some decent weed connections, FYI. " Once we were back at the entrance, I noticed the hot bouncer. He obviously worked out intensely - like nine times a day or something. Huge shoulders and biceps, completely shaved head and a tough silver chain around his thick neck. Hot as fuck! "You folks leaving already? It's not even midnight!" His eyes sparkled like a demonic coyote's would. Jana came over and stood directly in front of me. Rude. "Sorry. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. Ta!" She practically dragged me through the exit by my ear. "Honestly, Brian! He had to be 50 years old - at least." We made our way through the parking lot. "Here's the thing about those really giant dudes....their dicks are not in proportion. They look tiny on the their big frames even though they'd look perfectly fine on an average-sized man. Also -- that whole myth about big hands and big feet just isn't true. If it was, no woman would ever be stuck going home with a little penis." "Maybe I don't care about dick size, Jana." "Really? I tend not to care -- unless they're really small. Those little things hurt when they stab around down there. Hung guys are more bearable, but those guys tend to have little else to offer a girl AND they generally have some form of STD. I got crabs from one of those big cocks I brought home in my my 20's. Guess I'm just lucky I didn't get warts as well." She sighed. "I've lived a life, Love. God my feet hurt!" "Well, you're the one who had to wear those fuck-me heals and who parked so far away." "Hush now. We're having a sleepover at my place tonight. There's a nighttime moisturizer I want you to try. I have some decent wine chilling as well." "And "Grease" again?" God, I wanted to destroy that tape with a magnet or something when she wasn't looking. I guess it held some special place in her heart, the way movies do with some women who saw them at a crucial time in their lives. "It's either that or "When Harry Met Sally". Decide now or I'll just drop you off at Memorial Park for all the rough sex you want." God, what a bitch. The street got a little darker and creepier for a block or two. We saw some homeless guy standing up and singing/yelling some hymn: "He is my rooftop! My rooftop! You hear me, Motherfuckers?!" After we passed him, Jana grabbed my right arm. "If you do end up with some big brute, you have to let me borrow him as a bodyguard sometimes." "Deal." There was a new security guard in the lot when we got there. He came scurrying from his little booth "Pretty lady! Pretty lady! Miguel told me see for you! Nobody touch your car, Pretty lady!" She gave him an air kiss and we were on our way toward the highway. "I still have the shorts and t-shirt you left from the last time." "Did you at least wash them?" "I had them cleaned. Yes." "You live so far away!" I was all whiny like entitled assholes tend to be. 4. TED'S LETTER It was a fun night I guess, but I was still glad to be back in my own apartment. Ted's folded-up note was still in my pocket, exactly as he'd left it. His fingers were the last to touch it and I'd slept with my jeans folded up under a pillow. Jana was a known snoop...even when she was drunk. It was now time. It was almost a full page written on the back of a hot pink, photocopied flyer for an AIDS charity walk or something. BRian -- Sorry if this is hard to read. Bartender wiped down the bar and its still wet. Your a good dancer! I could watch you dan ce all nite. But I'd rather take you home and fuck you brains out!! (smiley face with devil horns). But I cant be a boyfrend for a long time - ....i9f if ever. Not that your interested. HA HA You mite be the best looking man in the whole city!! We cant date but I would like to be friends. Please call me at --- ----. Soon. OK?? You owe me a cigarett HA HA (smiley face with little hearts around it) TEd I read it twice. It didn't smell like him - just the bar. Why would I ever call him if there would be no sex happening? I kept it as a souvenir in a little stack of letters and cards I meant to put in an album someday. If I'd been a good person, I would have kept in touch. But, oh well. I needed someone to 'fuck my brains out'...and that's all that mattered. Ya know? 5. MY TED OBSESSION I went through a long dry spell when my only social contacts were with Jana and new pal Ronnie. I didn't try going out to the 'rougher' bars by myself even though Ronnie had offered to go with me to a few places. I was in love with my own misery and drinking alone while playing Tetris and listening to some new CDs. The drinking thing was becoming a problem I needed to be careful with. My parents didn't drink, but almost everyone in their respective families did. Fuck it. It wasn't my problem if I could blame genetics. I thought about Ted every single day. He was the perfect one for me and he was gone forever. I must have thrown away that note of his during one of my psycho cleaning binges because it was lost. Why oh why didn't I ever call him?? A better person would have called him right away. A better man. We had another sleepover at Jana's place - Ronnie included. We'd never stay at my place because I had the habit of leaving the toilet seat up, and Ronnie owned a tarantula plus a boa constrictor. Jana wouldn't tolerate much...but expected us to put up with her quirks. Like "Grease" and now "Xanadu". Dear God. She and Ronnie seemed to dig that movie for various reasons. They kept trying to convince me that terrible films with huge budgets and big stars were a valid art form. We were drinking some fancy wine made from pears - I think. Is that even possible? "I mean - you can just taste and smell all the cocaine involved with filming this shit. There were writers still working on the script while the cameras were rolling!" Ronnie was sitting on the floor with me. I like floor people. Jana was lounging on her huge leather sofa like Cleopatra. "It was the last great gasp of the 70's. It's a moment worth cherishing!" I was not in the mood for this bullshit. "A shitty movie is just a shitty movie, ladies. I saw "Flash Dance" at a pivotal time in my life but I don't feel a deep need to relive it a thousand times! Christ!" Ronnie paused the movie and looked at Jana. "It's time, Honey." They helped me up to the couch. Uh oh. This was serious. "OK," Jana said solemnly "We were going to wait until we finished the wine, but now is as good a time as any..." "You two bitches have been talking about me?! I don't need this bullshit. I'm leaving NOW!" Ronnie put her hand on my knee...a tender thing she'd never done before. "I drove you here. Remember? We're just concerned...you've been on this 24 hour bummer for too long, Brian. It's become exhausting for us. Can you just listen for a minute?" I really wanted to say 'no' and keep my bad mood but I was trapped. "Yeah. But no more conspiring. OK?" Jana put her head on my shoulder. Her hair smelled like expensive raspberry jam. "We've reached our limit, Brian. There's nothing left for either of us to say. You need to talk to a professional. I see a therapist and I really think she could help you too. Her name is Deb and she's very good. She takes our insurance plan and you'll only have to shell out for a small copay. I trust her." What could I say? Something did need to change. It was worth a shot. "Will you go with me?" She kissed my cheek and then so did Ronnie. "Of course! She's a counselor and a really good friend. We go out for drinks and dinner all the time! You will just love her! I'm going to go call her right now!" Off she went, leaving Ronnie and I on the couch. She was wearing an over-sized Johnny Rotten t-shirt that I secretly coveted. "Have you seen her before? This Deb woman?" "No. Well, I met her once. Complete and total Earth Mother. I tend not to mesh with that type. Doesn't mean she's not good at her job -- I just, I don't know. I mean, it couldn't hurt just to talk to her, right?" "I guess not. Thanks." "No problem. Want to help me hide that tape somewhere?" Evil grin. Jana came bounding back into the room with a happy bounce. "She'll see you on Tuesday at 6 PM. We'll go after work. That's it for details. She was up communing with the moon or Venus or something." uh oh I drank the rest of that bottle of pear wine all by myself. Jana complained about cramps and went to bed early. Ronnie and I felt like unsupervised children. We found a pay-per-view zombie movie on TV and smoked a little hash. "So what's up with Anika?" "Who? Oh. She left town all the sudden. I think it was something to do with a kid she had when she was 16 that's in the legal custody of one of her sisters." "Do you miss her?" "Not especially. I'm only a part-time gay." I'd never heard of such a thing. "Lucky! I was as given a full-time position - the workload is killing me. Did I say that out loud or just think it?" She laughed. "Oh Pumpkin! Is this all about that guy? That 'Ted'? What'd the deal with him?" "I don't know. I don't. He was so perfect and now I've lost his phone number. He wasn't even available. His lover died of AIDS. Don't tell Jana. I think he might also have it, but he looked healthy. Don't tell Jana." Her look changed. I'd said too much and now she would probably wake up Jana and tell her everything. On the TV screen in front of us, some muscle dude split a zombie's head in half with a shovel. I could relate to that feeling somehow. "Even though I look great in black, I don't want to attend your funeral any time soon. Wait...are you a chaser?" "Huh?" Her face was looking like Tetris and I was trying to make it fit together. I'm pretty sure hash and I would never be friends. "Are you a bug chaser? I always forget how new you are, Brian. Those are guys who are turned on by the idea of getting HIV from fucking. Is that you?" "NO! Not at all. The weirdest thing I want to do is kiss his feet, suck his toes." "Ewwwww!! I've heard of men being into women's feet, but never that. I've met every freak in the city and that's a new one. You need to discuss it with Deb. Maybe she knows what's up with that." "Yeah. Does it seem to you like this room is full of old bottles? Like, from the 1930's? I sense old bottles everywhere." "Maybe it's for the best that you're not with him. Maybe a part of you was smart enough to lose his number because calling him would lead nowhere good." Let's just say she wasn't the only woman in the city who thought the universe had done me a favor by severing the brief connection I had made with Ted. The crazy hippie therapist Jana dragged me to thought my 'higher self' was keeping me safe. That Deb bitch was crazy. There wasn't one New Age theory she didn't embrace fully embrace. Past lives, Eastern medicine, gem therapy, Native American spirits, dream interpretation, Taro cards, runes...you name it. I kept going back to see her for probably the same reason Jana did: She let me get away with anything and didn't judge my shitty behavior, Nothing was my fault. The universe was to blame. The only useful thing I got from Deb was the habit of writing in a journal daily. It's because of that habit that I remember all the details for this next chapter.... 6. HAVING SEX WITH EVERYONE EXCEPT TED Now we finally get to the good stuff. I started what I now I refer to as 'My Slut Era'. Getting laid and getting drunk the only things I cared about. I just missed out on a promotion at work because I was usually too hungover or too butt sore to do my job with the same flair as I had before...before I started chasing every dick in town. The upstairs neighbor I didn't even have to leave my own apartment building to lose my virginity. I often ran into Lex in the elevator and at the mailboxes in the lobby. He was a cute little gay guy That had assumed I was straight until one night when we ended up giving each other serious hickeys in the parking garage. My hunger for sex was obvious all over our necks for the next couple of days. It got more and more intense every time we were together. He was only about 5'6" or so, but he took care of his body. Hairy chest. His dick was nice sized and uncut. He was some kind of find -- or so I thought. There something troubling about him. I really liked sucking him off, but he wouldn't cum in my mouth even though I really wanted him to. I kept pestering him until he finally told me he'd never been tested for HIV. He was too scared. "What would I even do if it came back positive?" Well... I didn't know what to tell him. I had always just assumed getting tested was part of gay life and that wasn't likely to change any time soon. I was biding my time until we'd try the butt stuff. I was the one who brought it up first. "I've got some condoms and this new tube of lubricant." He didn't say anything. We were lying in my bed, watching "The Real World" and I just wouldn't let the matter rest. I pulled him on top of me and we kissed passionately. I reached for the box in my nightstand drawer. "Want to put one on?" He smiled and nodded quickly. Cute. So he fucked me right there on my new sheets. It really didn't hurt too much because he was so, so gentle and let me set the pace. I'd also used nearly half the lube on us. Problem: It just wasn't as hot as I wanted it to be. He wasn't into dirty talk, saying not much except 'your ass feels so good'. Maybe if he'd been a little more dominant. Oh well - he'd popped my cherry and I guess that meant we were officially boyfriends and would eventually become 'life partners'. I wanted to take his last name and let him fuck me every night That contented, domestic feeling lasted for almost six whole days before I started having doubts. He was just so meek. ..and he talked all the time. He told me about how he and his two older brothers used to all have sex together in the the same bed when he was a kid. It occurred to me that he might have more baggage than I'd have room for in my tidy little life. I finally decided he wasn't worth giving up other possibilities for. I needed something better than Lex. We drifted apart gradually - only to get back together a few times. I treated him like shit and didn't feel all that bad. Nothing was my fault. the upstairs neighbor's best friend I'd seen Tony around many times before. He and Lex hung out a lot, went to the gym together, etc. He was kinda cute in an exotic sort of way. I never even saw him naked. We just ended up making out in the laundry room once and Lex caught us. My rotten luck. They worked it out somehow but I was not forgiven. They each eventually moved out of the building which solved problems for all of us. I never saw nor heard from either of them again. Whatever. the dancer/stripper/escort/porn star I finally went to a bar by myself. Ronnie told me I should try a place called "Backstage" because it was just a regular gay club where regular gays went. I went there on a Saturday night that also happened to be Halloween and the end of daylight savings time which meant the place would stay open until 4 AM. It was a fun crowd and lots of guys were in costume. I wore a black shirt which was my only nod to the holiday. Most people seemed friendly and the music was pretty good. I just drank Bud Light and waited to be noticed. When a dozen hunks didn't immediately run over to pursue me, I just sat at a table by myself and pouted. Couldn't they see how great I was?? I must have been on my fifth bottle of beer when somebody finally emerged from the shadows and sat down next to me. He was tall, blonde, maybe mid-30's, and wearing braces. Not bad looking, really. He introduced himself as "Rick" which I later discovered was just one of the many names he used - depending on the situation (more on that later). We made the smallest of small talk as the crowd thinned out a bit. He asked if I wanted to come home with him and see the new litter of puppies his chihuahua had. He raised and sold them as a 'side business', I followed him in my car. He'd claimed he was a 'property owner' but he should have just said 'slumlord' because his building was a dump. Oh well. I'd seen worse, I guess. The inside wasn't so bad and not at all what I'd expected. First thing I noticed was a giant vase full of peacock feathers - just like my grandmother had. She was 85. He turned on the stereo and invited me to sit on the floor with him. It was a strange mix tape and he casually mentioned that he sometimes worked as an erotic dancer and was always looking for new songs. I mentally went through a list of songs in my collection that I thought a male stripper might dig. A week or so later, I brought over "Peek-A-Boo" by Siouxsie & The Banshees (a group I'd discovered in college). I remember sitting in roughly the same spot on the floor as he played the tape and tried dancing to it. I was embarrassed for both of us. He asked if I wanted to smoke some weed and I declined. After that recent hash experience where I saw old bottles and carnival glass all night, I was done with smoking any sort of herb. He would later tell me that my weed refusal was inspiring to him. ??? He started rubbing a hand up and down my thigh and I guess the mating ritual had begun. We got naked right there in his living room. Let me just say that he had the biggest, most impressive penis in the world. What I was seeing just didn't seem possible. I mean, I couldn't even fit it all into my range of vision from this close. GIANT! This is a quick sketch I made not long after my first night with Rick. Doesn't really do it justice "Go ahead and touch it if you want." I knelt down on the floor as he stood just inches away from me. I felt it with respect and care with my fingertips which just made it thicker and heavier and I finally just kissed the purple head. There was already some slime leaking from the slit. It tasted sweet. "Yeah!! Can you suck it a little?" I tried. I really did. But I got the head in my mouth and not much more. It was a piece of equipment that could not be properly cared for by someone like me. My lust wanted to take it the way down my throat and into my lungs. Rick seemed happy that I was making an honest effort. I let my fingers feel his toes. I still hadn't fully explored this foot fetish of mine with Deb, but knew I should. I guess there was no time to think about that now, with an 11 inch, fat cock hanging in front of my face. What that the hell was I going to do with this thing?? I guess Rick would teach me. Soon. He led me upstairs as I realized I never did get to see the puppies. My host had a very nice ass. I wanted to touch and kiss that too! His bedroom was super dark. I always slept with some kind of light on. Deb seemed to think it was because I'd been molested as a child, but I'm pretty certain that never happened. I let him lead me to the bed -- which was massive and so, so comfortable. Unmade. Over the years I'd have sex in many unmade beds - but I always made sure my own was made each morning. He wanted to fuck me with no protection, but I just couldn't. Wouldn't. He reluctantly found a condom and put it over that massive tool of his. He then started licking and french-kissing my asshole. Panic! Had I taken a shit before or after my shower? I didn't remember. I sorta didn't like him doing this. The sensation was nice, but the idea of it was all too wrong. Shouldn't I be licking HIS ass? Shouldn't he be sitting on my face? I had so much gay to learn. Seriously...I wanted him to stop. I didn't like being pleasured when I wanted to give all the pleasure. Let's just say it didn't go very well. His dick was just too big. That thing belonged in a museum - not in some helpless rectum. I tried my best to assure him the spirit was willing and so forth, but I think he was still pretty salty at being asked to wear a condom. I guess nobody had ever asked him before which was troubling in a whole new way. We slept together in the dark and parted in the morning. I didn't have high hopes for a future with him. But he called later in the day. "Good morning, Brian. Happy Halloween!"(it was noon on November 1st) "Yeah. It was yesterday but that's okay. Thanks. Sorry about last night, Rick." He paused, probably to make sure that was the name he'd used. "No. I'm the one who should apologize. It was not okay for me to act that way with you. We probably should have talked more first. You just turned me on so much and I was trying to force something on you that you clearly weren't ready for. Can we start over?" "Sure." I really wanted a relationship that lasted longer than a day, a week. "Great. I need to go to the mall today. Want to come with me?" I did. Around that time in the 90's, giant malls were in the final stages of their glory days. You could still spend a whole day in one. No empty stores. No Libertarian headquarters. We ended up genuinely liking to spend time together. We saw "The Accused" in the theater (not really a great date movie), we went out to dinner, and he even took me to some pretty fancy parties where I got to meet some high-profile people. But we never got the intercourse problem solved. He insisted on not wearing a condom. "It'll go in so much easier for both of us without a rubber. It's like taking a shower with a raincoat on. Know what I mean?". He also refused to get tested. He claimed he was 100% certain he didn't have any diseases. '"Then why not get tested, Rick?" "Because I might get a false positive -- and that would ruin my life. I'm a businessman and need to stay motivated, excited about the future.'' OK. Flawed logic, but OK. We reached an impasse. I wouldn't get fucked without a condom and he just wouldn't wear one. We did other stuff and still thought of ourselves as 'boyfriends'. I thought that eventually I'd convinced him to get tested and he thought I might get horny enough to let him go inside me bareback. We did lots of oral stuff in the meantime and I thought that would last. But... But one night he decided to whip us up a pitcher (or three) of margaritas. I'd never had them before. Good shit! He also convinced me to finally get high with him. I should have kept my wits about me. I really should have. But it was a fun night and I liked being around him. I'd brought over a bunch of CDs that I thought he might like. His stereo system was excellent. I remember not being able to tell if the music was too loud or too soft...which should have been a warning sign. I remember him admitting that he was basically a stripper who did 'other things' as part of that profession. He was basically admitting he was a prostitute. He also claimed he'd made some porn videos in San Diego. I think I asked if he'd give me an autographed copy of one of them. I think he promised he would. I also think I gave him a foot massage but that might not have happened. Probably the last thing I remember is getting under the covers of his bed and him saying something about it not even being midnight yet. And the rest is a blank. It was morning. A few strands of bright AM sunlight found their way through his closed blinds. I'd just had a dream about being on a sinking boat. The water was strangely warm and I was all wet. A sliver of wood or a nail had stabbed me in the gut and I was going to die. Wait! No! I was awake! And that fucker was on top of me with his too big dick in my ass! He was either raping me or already had. It hurt like a mother and I yelled. Loudly! "Get the fuck off of me!! WHAT have you DONE??!! ASSHOLE! You slipped me something!!...you did something!!....I'M CALLING THE POLICE!" He looked like he'd just woken up too and was confused as well. He looked frightened by my fury. I found my clothes downstairs and got dressed. I bled all over his carpeting which had seen better days anyway. Fuck that shady bastard. Fresh air! I wasn't dead and could still breathe in this chilly Autumn air into my functional lungs. I had that at least. I was walking on some really uneven pavement. That was also good. I drove to Rick's but didn't feel like I could trust myself behind the wheel right now. Who knows how much blood I'd already lost. Plus the various chemicals in my bloodstream. As my head cleared, I puzzled out the previous night. He didn't drug me. I drank way too much -- which was becoming a pattern with me. I made that decision as well just like when I willfully accepted hits from his bong. I'd put myself in a vulnerable place. He made the decision to use that for his own purposes. I guess I'd get AIDS now. Plus every disease those hookers on "Cops" usually had. Sadly, my only thought right then was how much I needed a drink. I kind of knew this neighborhood. It wasn't so far from my apartment. I know I'd been down this street. I think. Thankfully I was wearing black jeans because otherwise the blood would be obvious and some cop would stop and think I was in danger. Oh I was! But not immediate danger. I turned down the street which had a name I recognized. OK. I wasn't lost. And there it was - a bar I'd never noticed it before. It was called "Pals". It was open and there was rainbow sticker in the window. I had to wonder who in the world would come to a bar at 7:40 AM on a Sunday morning. Oh right -- alcoholics. I'd fallen pretty far in the past year. Fuck it. I went inside and it was almost empty except for the bartender and one other customer. I got good feelings from this place. The bartender was a super skinny guy who was probably in his 40's. "Rough Night?" "You have no idea!" I sat at the bar and immediately felt a needle-like pain in my ass. I winced. "Honey -- we've all had nights like that. My name is Sammy. What can I get you? Want our Sunday Brunch Special? A bloody mary and a pitcher of domestic beer for five bucks." "Perfect!" He walked away to make the drink and I glanced over at the other guy at the bar. He was maybe in his late 60's and very, very drunk. He was either sleeping or dead. I mean, his forehead was almost on top of the bar. "That's James," Sammy said. "He's the mayor's brother if you can believe that shit." I believed all shit now. Every last turd that life had laid and would lay again. "Extra 'mary', please...or extra 'bloody'...whatever the booze part is. "Will do. I used a dill slice instead of a celery because you need the electrolytes." Perfect. Once it all arrived I no longer wanted a whole pitcher of beer. I needed to pay anyway -- but the wallet was in my back pocket and I didn't want to go near my ass. It was bloody and gross back there. No way was I touching my backside. "Sammy...I...it's just that my wallet is ...it's all bloody and -" "Forget it! New customers get the first round free. I'm the day manager here and I decide who qualifies. Hell - I'm the night manager too, I guess. I'm not the owner, but I sleep with him." "What's his name?" "Lester...but he has a big dick. People think his name means he is some hick with a tiny penis - but that is NOT the case." I'd reached my lifetime limit of big dicks. At least the smaller guys couldn't almost kill you. "Want my beer? I don't think I can handle it right now. The bloody mary is good though." He brought out the full jar of dill wedges and a bag of chips. "Eat. I can order a pizza from Pyramid...they're open already." He took a long, lusty swallow of the beer and I dug into the chips. "Want to talk about what happened?" "I was raped." He put the beer down. "By WHO?! WHERE?! I can call the cops if you want. I have a gun in the safe and will go kill the guy myself!" "No. No. I just got too drunk and smoked some herb...I'm the one to blame here. I've been making some awful decisions lately." "Doesn't mean we can't still kill him." He grinned a little. Drama diffused. "You can get AIDS from just one time, right? I'd only been fucked a few times in the past year. And I really bled a lot." "You can. I mean, it's possible. But not probable. Does he have the virus for sure?" "He said he didn't know, but told me he was pretty sure he didn't." "OK. Did he come in you?" "I have no idea. He was still hard inside of me when I realized it was happening. "So there's a chance he hadn't come yet. And there's a chance he wasn't infected in the first place...and even if he was, you don't know what his viral level is. Lot's of things have to come together in just the right way at just the right time for this virus to pass from person to another successfully. It's harder to get AIDS than people think. In fact - it's easier for a woman to get pregnant. My sister and her husband took over ten months of nonstop fucking before she got knocked up. My nonprofessional opinion is that you're probably fine. Get tested in a month and then in another month after that. Just for your peace of mind." I felt better. I ate the entire bag of chips as Sammy kept pouring me free drinks. I'd come back here soon and leave him a hundred dollar tip. Maybe even later today. "I can't believe how close I live to here and never even knew this placed existed." "Lester won't spend a dime on advertising. He believes that good service is the best way to keep good customers coming back." "Well, you've got a customer for life here now...and I'll be a walking neon billboard for 'Pals'." "Great. But you need to take care of yourself right now. Go home, take a long hot bath and then sleep all day. Eat a steak tonight if you can, Build up your iron and sodium levels. Maybe take a few days off from work. Abstain from letting anything near your ass while it heals. In tens days, you'll be tight as a virgin again." That was good. I'd been afraid I'd be ruined for good and no man (no Ted) would ever want to fuck me again. "When are you here, Sammy?" "Always! We hired a new guy but he lasted all of four hours." "I'll be back soon. Thanks for everything." I turned to leave. "Oh, Brian -- " "Yeah?" "Think about something, anything else for a while. Worrying won't help. And consider that maybe it all went down differently than you think. Hell, I've gone to bed totally wasted and started fucking some young guy while I was still mostly asleep. I was just hard and putting in the nearest warm hole. Poor kid freaked out a little and I was just like 'huh'? I'm not saying he's not a bad guy -- but maybe he's not as bad as you think." 7. HEALING ... FOR TED'S SAKE. AND THEN FAILING HIM AGAIN I had so many messages on my machine when I got home. the first was from Jana: "Where are you, Brian? You never call me anymore." (not now, dear) from Ronnie: "What's up? Jesus - will you please call Jana so she will quit bugging me. Did you find Ted or are you still with the stripper guy? I still want to meet him." (no way) from Deb's assistant: "Hi Brian. It's Laura. Deb wants to know if you can change your Tuesday appointment to 7 instead of 6. Call the number." (I'd just cancel) from my dad (!): "It's your father. Remember you need to renew the tags on your car before the month is over. Mom sends her love." (that's a new one) from Rick (!): "I'm really sorry, Brian. I still don't know what happened. Your car is safe. I won't have it towed. You can come get it anytime or I can bring it to you. Call me. I'm so sorry." (I needed a day or two before I could deal with this) from my boss: "Hi - it's Marcus. Sorry to call so early on a weekend morning. I'm just letting you know that there was a major water leak in our building and everything in the office is ruined and it will take several days to open our floor. Fucking Christ, I'm taking the family to the Ozarks. Enjoy your surprise vacation! Later." (sometimes the universe pays you back for a really shitty evening) I took a hot shower and cleaned every trace of that night away, being extra careful around my damaged anus which was still raw and throbbing. I retrieved the cash and cards (mercifully free of blood from my ruined wallet that I'd replace with the new one Jana had given me (she thought the one I had looked cheap). I had a three hour nap and woke up feeling new. I needed to make a call. Now. "Hello?" "Hi." "Oh my God! Brian?! I am so so so so sorry. I would never hurt you on purpose - I hope you at least know that much." "I don't know what I know right now...or what I think, Rick. But i need my car. If you drive it over, I will give you a ride back to your place." "Sure! Give me a few minutes. I've been painting some property and need to change." "Fine. I'll be waiting out in front of the building." CLICK It was a wonderful, crisp November early evening/late afternoon. I sat on the little iron bench in front of my building and watched people walking their dogs. Lots of dog owners in this neighborhood. I breathed in deeply and made plans. I needed to fix my life (again). I'd find a better therapist who would help me in real ways -- not just listen and allow me to make excuses for my shitty behavior. I needed to understand my need for sex and my weird kinks...and eliminate them. I'd go to A.A. (Ronnie knew people who were in recovery) I'd stop leading such a sordid life and totally get back on track. I would totally get the next promotion that came along and make huge paychecks like Jana did. Things were going to be different now. Startin-n-n-g-g-g...NOW. NOW!! And there was my car, looking way cleaner and fresher than I remember. Either he'd washed it or I was just seeing it with new eyes. I hopped up and ran over to it. I got in and sat next to the guy who might have infected me with AIDS. I wasn't that same man now. "You want to take the wheel? I can just drive us back and then you can take it home. Whatever you want." "Just drive, Rick." I'd keep my cards close to my vest just now. "It's kind of warm for this time of year. I was painting with the windows open and actually broke out into a sweat. I'm so relieved you're letting me do this for you, Brian." We were close to a steakhouse called The Yard that was sort of famous in the area. "Turn here. I haven't eaten much today." He did, parked. "Want me to just wait here while you eat? I didn't even bring my wallet." "No. Come with me. I'll buy." What was I doing? Asking to be violated again? No. I trusted the new person I'd become to know what to do...to be smarter than the old me. He was silently shocked. The place was packed, but Rick knew somebody there and we got a table within minutes. A client? I wondered. I wanted something, anything medium-rare. Bloody. T-bone maybe. I told him to get anything he wanted because I was just grateful my car was OK. The waitresses 'Kendra' arrived to take our drink orders. "I'll have a bloody mary - extra heavy on the hot sauce." I guess the new me could still drink socially if he wanted. Rick just ordered the same -- minus the hot sauce. "This is all surprising to me, Brian. Penny for your thoughts." "It's all OK. You'll need about a million pennies to hear them all." "I'm good for it." "Well, first -- I'm going to get tested in a month and you will too. We're going together." "Yes. I will do it. I owe you at least that much." "Secondly -- I want to know what you remember about last night. Go back as early as you can...because I can't remember very much." "Do you remember when you were trying to convince me I should try stripping to 'Born to Hand Jive'. You thought it would be brilliant if I could hand jive with my dick out. And then you tried to teach me how to do it and kept messing up. It was funny. We were getting so drunk." "Wow. I don't remember that part at all." "And then I remember you giving me this wonderful foot massage which was so unexpected and felt amazing. Then you just gave total attention to my feet -- licking and sucking and kissing. Nobody had ever done that for me before. Not even my ex-wife. I can still feel it even now. Seriously." "I remember some of that." The new me wasn't into feet. It was too weird. 'Oh man...I'd love for you to do that again!" I never will, buddy. Never. "Yeah, yeah. What else?" "Don't get mad - but you were super horny after that. I guess it's a fetish you have. It got me horny too. We were all over each other...and naked. You actually sucked me to the point that I think I was close to coming. I mean -- you were a pro. There are porn actors out there who couldn't take as much of my dick as you did." "Really?? I don't remember that at all. Did you come?" "No. I think I was too wasted because I got soft and that disappointed you. You kept saying you wanted me to shoot a load in you. And then you just went to sleep on the floor. I had to wake you up enough to get you into bed. The very last thing I remember was how good it felt to have you in my arms. It was perfect. That's all I remember. And then I woke up to you yelling. I swear that's all the information I can give you. But, Brian...? "Yeah?" "It's still my fault. You are not to blame for any of that." "I willingly got very wasted and apparently very horny. I have to share the blame." "No. I should have put the brakes on when I realized how out of it you were getting. I'm older and more experienced. You were raped...plain and simple. If I had a daughter and she got herself in the same situation - I would have killed the guy." I probably shouldn't mention Sammy and his loaded gun. That was that. We ate in pleasant peace and I drove him home. "It's still nice out. Want to go sit on my porch for a while?" "Sure." If that sounds like a terrible idea to you, imagine what I was feeling. He had a recently restored railing on his porch and a nice bench that looked new. I wondered if he built it himself...he had carpenter's hands. "Thanks for dinner, Brian. I haven't had a steak in forever." "No problem." I don't know where this forgiveness came from. It wasn't like me. The old me could hold a grudge for decades. He produced a fat joint from somewhere and lit it. No way was I touching pot for a long, long time. The new me didn't do drugs. "My mattress is completely ruined, if it makes you feel any better." "Aww. It does. Thanks." He laughed and kicked off his sneakers. No socks. Rick then propped his bare feet up on the railing. He knew what he was doing, I knew what he was doing and I'm pretty sure he knew that I knew what he was doing. He was the first man who tried to seduce me with his bare feet but he wouldn't be the last. I needed this test, I guess. "You crack me up. I'll have to pay a couple of my guys to go dump it illegally." "Tell 'em to burn it as well. Probably looks like somebody was murdered there." I really had bled a lot. I threw away those brand new jeans away already. "If I end up mysteriously murdered somewhere and they find that mattress - you'll be a suspect. You won't believe what forensic science is capable of these days." "Yeah..and,,." the weed was already having its way with him. Must be good shit. One toke wouldn't hurt the new me. The new me could do things in moderation. So we shared the doobie and talked about stupid stuff like nothing traumatic had ever happened in the last 24 hours. My eyes stayed on his toes as he curled and flexed them. Hypnotic. There was a fleck of emerald green paint on the edge of his big toenail. Green was a lucky color. Right at that second, his automatic porch light came on, putting us in a very harsh, indiscreet spotlight. Instinctively, we moved inside without saying anything. The couch had a pillow and blanket messily arranged on it. I guess he took a nap there today. He lied back on the couch and asked for another foot massage. The new me was not so new because I went to work right away. His feet weren't as big as Ted's but at least a size 12 regardless. I rubbed, massaged, probed and got a boner as he moaned with pleasure. The new/old me went ahead and kissed the big toes. We all know where this was going. While I was looking and licking, he'd freed his own full-erect penis from the fly of his out-of-style white jeans. If we're being honest here (and that is what I'm trying to be with this story), that legendary meat was the only reason I'd agreed to ever be around him in the first place. You can only imagine its glory, friends. Seriously. I never even hesitated as I moved to take it in my mouth. It turns out I really was a pro at sucking dick. I took more of that thing than you'd think a human was capable of. Fuck it. There was no new me. I wanted his cum in my throat this time...and whatever came with that sperm was worth it. There would always be time later for consequences. This time he really did cum for sure. The majority of it went down my throat, untasted -- but I got to savor a few drops on my tongue. It had a harsher taste than I would have imagined. For future reference for guys who like being blown: Avoid red meat, alcohol,coffee and salt. It didn't matter to me then, but I would later think of his cum as the worst I'd ever tasted. I knew Ted's cum would be sweet nectar but he was on Jupiter somewhere I suppose. I didn't even bother beating off. I would later. "You are the most surprising guy on Earth, Brian." Not really, as it turns out. "I mean, two hours ago we were talking about getting tested for AIDS and then...." "Sorry. There's something about you, Rick." your cock "Want to start over? Pretend like we just met?" "That's a great idea. But not right now. I need to do some stuff tonight." He looked a little hurt. "Well...I guess we could meet up tomorrow sometime." "Yeah. Do you know if I can get something 'to go' from The Yard? I want to stop there and get some more food." "You can. Want me to call for you?" "Yeah." I wanted to bring something to Sammy. The guy did not eat properly and I owed him big time. A steak would probably too hard for him to eat while tending bar -- something really hearty he could munch here and there. Fries suck when they get cold. Think, think. "OK. What do you want? They're waiting." "Prime rib sandwich - like a french dip. Horseradish on the side. No fries. Ask if they can substitute a side salad instead instead." Yep OK 'Brian'." He hung up the phone. "It'll be 25 minutes." "Perfect." "Since we just met....can we kiss a little?" And that's what we did. I was a little surprised he wanted to kiss me with his semen still in my mouth. It was maybe the most romantic few minutes of my life. He mentioned something about how he wasn't looking forward to the next day because he was going to be doing roof work for hours. He emphasized that he'd be ON HIS FEET for hours. Well I offered to give him a really good foot massage so he'd be prepared for the labor. "I mean, it's a weird thing to offer on a first date, but I've got about fifteen minutes to kill. I mean -- unless you think that's too weird. Never mind." "That would be so perfect -- Brian was it? -- I had a great foot rub recently and it did wonders." And you can guess the rest. I got up to leave. It was fully night now. Chillier. I have no idea what would have happened if I'd stayed the night. I was now a professional dick-sucker, foot massage artist...and not too shabby at role-playing. Time to go. "Hey, Brian...." "Yeah?" "This was the best first date I've ever had." I winked and left. I took the food to Pals (with five twenties stacked on top of the salad) and Sammy was there. He was wearing the same clothes as this morning. Poor guy. He needed somebody to take care of him -- the Lester guy wasn't doing the job very well. It was still early in the evening --the crowd was sparse. I needed to think of a way to to help the business. Somehow. I needed to think - but needed a drink first. 8. STILL NO TED IN SIGHT Sammy and I became became the best of friends, Jana who? The same old me was back -- but maybe a little more open. (and not just to cock) I had entered one of the early stages of alcoholism. I went to Pals almost every night after work and stayed until I stumbled three blocks home. Sammy was a better therapist than Deb could ever hope to be. It feels good to talk - just talk, QUICK EDIT: Sometimes it helps to just have somebody hear you. Feel free to contact me through this site...I know what it's like to need a friend when things are in a very bad place.. I'm not exactly the person who appears in these stories. OK? He never asked about my "rapist" and I never talked about that again. Rick and I were seeing each other pretty regularly -- doing everything except fucking. That's a good thing because I was healed up but starting to have rape fantasies. (!) Don't judge! I wanted him to fuck me so deeply that we could make a baby together. I felt a need to bleed! Why? I'd neglected Deb and Jana for so long. Ronnie and I still hung out, but she was into men now and always doing 'stuff'. "You are looking so much better these days, Brian. New diet?" He was kidding. You just have to know Sammy. We were doing shots with some random guy who had this armpit odor that was turning me on. New fetishes were emerging almost daily. I swear. I would consider a threesome with smelly guy and Sammy -- that's how drunk I was. My libido was somewhat out of control back then. Remember being 27? Armpit guy left and Sammy and I were just alone there. "Am I ever going to meet Lester?" "Yeah. He wants to meet you too. I told him about you, what a special customer you are." I hated that I always looked at him sexually. He had a small frame, and seemed like a total bottom. But.... "Do you think that guy was a hustler? That B.O. guy?" "Not sure. They tend to end up on Congress street where the bus station is. There's a few bars there that are very vagrant-friendly. Lester won't have them here -- but I welcome all. Like the Statue of Liberty. Hey -- are you ready for next week?" "Huh?" "It will soon be 30 days from that morning you showed up here after sex with the jerk who left you all bloody. Remember?" "Oh yeah." I barely remembered. I still had the smell of him on my shirt from earlier today. He'd been using paint thinner or varnish or something and reeked of it as I serviced his feet and cock. "You'll be OK. Want me to write down the address for you?" "It's the place next to that 7-11 -- with the bullet holes in the glass, right?" "Yep. Want me to go with you? It;s free...and you can give always give a fake name." "I think I'm ready to take this on alone, but thanks." What I needed to do was circle back around with Rick about all this again. We hadn't even mentioned it since that first discussion at The Yard. And to think I was all ready to live a completely celibate life that night. At least what we'd been doing wasn't all that risky when it was looked at scientifically. I didn't have bleeding gums and knew better than to brush my teeth right before one of our 'dates'. I was just so addicted to his dick and his cum. And I liked him. Genuinely liked being around him. He was basically a big ol' stoner who had some secrets I knew better than to pry into. What I loved about Pals was that it was like a home base for me now. I found a 'community' there. I met folks who were worthy even if they didn't exactly give that impression at first. I'd be so lost without this place. I was drawing a lot back then and had written and sketched some ideas to give this place a little publicity. My first idea was a new logo -- for the front of the building, business cards, matchbooks,and t-shirts. It was kinda fashionable for guys around my age to wear random tees under sports jackets. I made sure Sammy could me up with a time to meet casually with Lester. I had more ideas about this business for which he was not giving enough care. My opinions were the only ones that counted back then - remember? Here's a rough logo design I came up with: very early, very rough logo I made with markers and paper. Computer tools were not at my disposal at the time. A cleaner version was made and is still in use today. Sammy loved it and immediately set up a meeting between his Lester one early afternoon. He was an old fucker. I'd guess 67 - 70-ish. Not in the greatest of health and a chain-smoker. He could still out-drink anybody. "It's a little hard to read. But I still like it. The 'L' looks like a big penis." "Exactly. I'm a little sick of all the sterile, corporate 80's designs that are still around. This place is unique, human and invites a second look." "I know what them symbols mean. It means 'male', right? It does. I like the dick you put in there -- not too obvious." It was based on Rick's cock but I didn't mention that. "I'd wear this t-shirt, Lester. I know a guy who screen-prints shirts and stuff. He lives in my building. You could sell them here." "Sure, sure. Sounds great. I'll pay you for the design OR offer you another deal. I can offer you the opportunity to be an investor in this place...as well of some pother bars I own. They are just breaking even and I need somebody with fresh ideas as a partner. As long as you keep on thinking like this, keep giving me young ideas, I'll let you buy in for......100, 000 dollars. " I was not a businessman, but couldn't let him know that right then. "50,000 $ + all my ideas -- for a 20% stake." We kept negotiating until a deal was made. I basically drained the modest trust fund my favorite grandfather had left me and added all the money I was able to borrow against the profit sharing account from work. Also my savings account. I'd been saving for a nicer car - but this was a better investment. I thought so, at least. I hated my corporate job. It just didn't leave enough time for fucking and relaxing. We toasted the deal...many times with many shots. My tolerance for alcohol was becoming alarmingly high. I had almost no limit these days. Rick had even mentioned it offhand. He had has his own demons and was in no place to judge. As exciting as all this was - I knew I needed to get tested for the HIV antibodies. Rick agreed to come with me but needed to get stoned out of his mind first. I wasn't looking forward to this, but getting high didn't seem like a good idea to me -- not at all. I signed in as "Danny Zuko" while Rick could only come up with "Abe Lincoln". Oh well. He tried. We couldn't go into the same room together to get blood drawn which scared him. A very pregnant Asian woman took my sample with latex gloves on her tiny hands. The counselor had a bad cold but relayed all the information she had to and loaded me up with free condoms, lube samples and as many pamphlets as she could fit in a plastic bag. Rick had her as well. It was done. Four days passed. Danny was negative while Abe was positive. Fuck! Poor guy. He fell apart. "What do I do now?? I'm doomed, Brian!! I hate you for making me do this!!! I should shoot myself tonight. When will I start getting those spots? And pneumonia? You won't want to be around me anymore, will you?" His hurt was killing me. "You're wrong! Rick -- I'm in this for the long haul. I will be here for you no matter what. Night and day. You're just carrying around antibodies for a disease you don't have now. There are new treatments now. Science has really improved these days. Clinton is fully behind funding more research. AIDS won't be a death sentence much longer -- it'll be more like high blood pressure or diabetes very soon. I'm here. Let's get you home." I never got a chance to celebrate my negative status, I got him into his bed and covered him with the new comforter I'd bought from Macy's. I had this real need to take care of him. "Brian? Will you hold me?" Sure. A nap sounded good. I wasn't going to work much these days (I was on the verge of quitting, but would get a nice severance if they cut me). I took my shoes off and climbed in next to him. I hugged him hard as he cried himself to sleep. The new mattress (another gift from me) was super comfortable and we snoozed. Was it "love" that kept me there? Or just something close to it? I still had regular sessions with Rick...mostly foot rubs, but also swallowing his infected loads. But now I was dealing with a new career. My boss's boss offered me a consultant job. Perfect. I'd make the same money but didn't have to shave and dress up every day 9 to 5. "You're our going to be our idea man, Brian. The world web - or whatever it's called - is here and we need to be on top of that. We'll get you set up with all that. Don't go to a competitor and we'll treat you right." He wore a bow tie (with a grasshopper pattern), but I accepted the offer. It never occurred to me tell Jana about all this. Rumor was that she'd been headhunted by some big firm in California. The other rumor was her having a big good-bye party at a trendy restaurant and I was not invited. Neither was Ronnie (who was still into men, but never the same one). She was my closest gal pal now and I showered her with generous gifts too. I bought her an exotic scorpion (alive) and a big aquarium to keep it in. She was happy to get meet him that she screamed! She gave him some Aztec name I never bothered asking about. Life was really good. I hoped Ted's life was good too - but he was too big a thought to fit into my brain these days. I was always thinking and drawing and coming up with ideas. I met with Lester weekly and we discussed more things we could start doing to make money. The t-shirts were a big hit, and I wore one almost every day. I guess it was my way of 'coming out' - even though I'd never officially been in the closet really. I brought Ronnie to Pals one night and she was a big hit. A few us regulars decided we needed to write a one woman show for her. She was psyched about the idea. I even convinced Rick to make his comeback as an erotic dancer. This all meant spending money on a stage, better lighting and sound. Lester always looked severely constipated when money had to be spent. And advertising was a must. I'd just pay for that on my own. 9. MORE SEX WITH EVERYBODY BUT TED It's funny/not funny how promiscuous I'd become after the negative test result. I'd once gotten the idea I'd be done with sex as long as I could keep my health. Nope. Beside regularly hooking up with Rick and swallowing his poz cum, I was still hunting for more. I craved danger, sex, dick, feet, cum and ... Ted? Lester seemed to think he was still around. "Big guy, right? Beard? Ugly as fuck? Hands the size of ham steaks? Yeah. He's here. Still in town." He wasn't good for too many details because it was already noon and he was close to passing out. And then he did. Sammy smiled at me, walked over and poured us a few shots. "It's weird...you're kind of like my boss now and we haven't even had sex. Yet." I flat out loved this weird guy. "I'm too freaky for you, Sammy. Too damaged." He snorted. "Doubt that, Brian. It's more like I think of you as a little brother ... or a nephew. I don't do incest." "Yeah. Whatever you say, Sammy." I did a bit of work here and there for my company, but spent most of my time hunting down new dick. You'd think Rick's penis would be enough to keep any fag busy, but I could not help myself. I still had some small hope of being in an actual relationship, a marriage. Probably just kidding myself. But still... went through another round of men. I now had a computer and internet access...but it was mostly slow and boring back then. I hunted. the leather whisperer This guy came out of nowhere. I'd made a decision one Saturday night to bathe, groom and get dressed up. It was cold outside which was good because I liked sweaters. I had some really nice ones. Tommy Halfiger. I went to the bar where I'd met Rick. I liked the DJ there...he'd contacted me to do some P.R for him. He wanted to be "a brand". Yeah...I'd have to see his dick first. (and a toe or two) I was just a sex-hungry bottom and this place was nothing like I'd remembered (it had been a little over six months since that crazy fun Halloween night when I met Rick.) They were all kids now. And small. Short. Tiny bulges and even smaller feet. A few people tried to get my attention, but I just left in a flurry of arrogance and disgust. Asshole was back. I could either go home, go wake up Rick and blow him or just hang out out at Pals. So I went to see Sammy and was sad to see such a small crowd. i didn't know what else to do. "Hey, Boss! You look nice, Been somewhere special?" He was sly. He was funny. I loved him. "Stopped at 'Shadows' for about 20 minutes. Every guy there was tiny....with little shoes - like children. I need a drink...a real one...." He arched an eyebrow., leaned over to me -- muttered. "Size 14's at the end of the bar. Be careful." At the corner of the bar was a dude who was fully decked out in leather. Plus a 70's mustache. He wasn't bad looking, but it was hard to tell because the brim of his leather cap was pulled down so low. Hot. I was so full of hormones that night.... "Hi. Looking good. I'm Brian -- how are you tonight?" He was clearly drunk. "Well. I'll tell you, Bobby boy...,.The world is a really, really shitty place. Have you noticed? I mean..." He took a minute and regarded me. "You're a cute boy, Brad. But I should probably go home now. I started a little too early tonight." Damn. I was starting to love the smell of all that leather. He was tall too. Sammy brought over a pitcher of beer and a shot of whiskey. He dropped the shot into the pitcher and it foamed up, pretty as a poem. Cool. "What the hell is that? Root beer?" I didn't know what it was called, but it tasted nice. "I'll buy you a drink if you stay...if you can rally. It's early, man." "Yeah, yeah. get me one of those root beers." I turned Sammy's way and he was already bringing a second one. He knew me too well. Or he already knew this guy. "What's your name?" "I'm Luke. What's yours?" "Uh....Brian. Where else have you been tonight?" "Section. It was dead tonight. Hardly any cruising. You gotta go at just the right time there. Good happy hour. Lasts an hour longer than it does here." Hmmm. I wondered if extended happy hour prices were the key to bringing in more guys like him. His crowd obviously had cash to spend on expensive gear (not to mention the cleaning you probably had to put into it), I was thinking like a businessman these days. "You think this place could be more like Section? Bring in more studs like you?" He was hot but I was thinking of my investment just now. "You're fucking cute, Bob." He gave me a scorching look of lust I found flattering even though I wasn't trying to cruise him. "Move over a few seats..." I moved two stools away from him. ?? "One more." I wasn't getting something that seemed to be going on. Luke adjusted himself a little and then stretched out his long legs across my thighs. Oh. So I guess he saw the sex animal I was beneath the expensive sweater and business talk. His boots were indeed huge -- maybe even bigger than Ted's. The smell of leather, the feel of it ...I mean, DAMN. "This doesn't seem like your kind of place, Bobby. You a preppy or something?" I'd never licked the leather sole of a boot before but I was about two seconds away from doing just that. I was content just looking at them for now, holding them with respect. Luke. H Luke. His boots were the only redeemable thing about him. "No. I was just at Shadows and had to leave. not my kind of crowd." "Yeah. You about tired of twinks now? You need a man. Somebody to whip you into shape." "I think you're right about that, Luke." I would do just about anything for him to take control of me right here and now. He shifted his legs to the floor and made me move over next to him. "We'll discuss matters now." Weirdly, this magic drink seemed to have sobered him up a lot. "You're gonna buy us shots and then drive me home. It's not far." "No problem." I motioned for Sammy who was already giving me a look that said 'I've seen this all before.' "Two shots of whatever Luke wants." "First of all... you get credit for already knowing my name somehow. That's good for friends -- but I'm your master now. Your owner. I need to be addressed with more respect. Details will come later. Do you understand?" "Yes. Yes, SIR." I could play along with this. "Very good. Now tell me about your life now. I really don't care too much, but it might help things as we proceed. "I'll be 28 in a few months. I'm a consultant for emerging businesses and an investor. I'm not rich -- but working on it. What do you do, Sir?" "You don't get to ask questions, slave boy. But I'm feeling generous just now. I'm a substitute teacher and also an actor in community theater. Most importantly -- I own boys. Cash slaves. You're going to be paying my bills now." "Absolutely. Yes." Sammy had warned me to be careful. I was usually one step ahead of guys, but Luke was a whole new specimen. I would get out of this with just some quick sex. Somehow. To move this story along, I'll just hit fast forward: We got really drunk and I took him home. I stripped and knelt at his side and read the owner/slave contract out loud. I signed it and he tried handcuffing me to a hook in his ceiling that was meant for a hanging plant. My weight pulled it loose and plaster rained down upon us. It was embarrassing and ultimately kind of boring. We finally got naked and he had a very nice dick that wouldn't give Rick any competition, but it got dramatically hard despite his drunken stupor. He demanded I put him in my fantasies and tell him what I'd like to do in bed. I said I wanted him to rape me which surprised us both. It was a background fetish that took center stage all of the sudden. He wouldn't do it and was actually pretty rigid about safe sex. Too bad -- I had stopped caring about that. I wanted total domination and control. He really was just an actor after all. I got him off but wasn't allowed to taste his cum. I just left. It was still early...I could always just stop by Rick's place. the Indian pilot I was only at Section to gather research. Lester owned a pretty big bar in the suburbs and wanted it to serve the straight fetish crowd. swingers and assorted freaks. (my suggestion) I didn't understand the appeal of this place -- until I found the basement level. Some serious cruising was happening down there. Dark and smelly. You could hear blow-jobs happening in almost every corner. Cool. I guess this place was virus hibernation central. People were getting less careful now. The internet was here and 'barebacking' was being discussed on forums and in personal ad spots. THAT was the ultimate fetish I'd been on the way to this whole time. I was indeed a bug-chaser. I could go to Rick's house right now and talk him into 'gifting' me right now. But, no. I still needed to find Ted first. He'd be the key. The answer. Would I find him here? Was he still even in town? Alive? That's when I met Shri. (I really have no idea how it was actually spelled). He was from India and spoke with a very pronounced accent. He said he was a pilot and had onion breath. I didn't really mind. He was tall, lean and pretty aggressive. I'm not sure why he approached me since I hadn't really bothered getting dressed up or caring how my hair looked. I was drinking gin and tonics that night. Shri and I were dressed almost the same, now that I'm remembering it. As much as I liked black leather boots - I still had a thing for white Nike high-tops. Especially massive ones! I had never met a large Asian before ... they had always seemed petite to me. I hope I wasn't racist in addition to all my other asshole characteristics. His hands were all over me right off the bat. And we kissed passionately right there in front of everybody...not that even one person cared or even bothered looking. I liked this place! I'd be a return customer for sure. Shri and I went back to his hotel room at the fucking Hilton. Maybe he really was a pilot. He got naked and I saw his big tan dick flopping all over the place. He was only half-hard but already it still stirred a breeze as he moved. Oh yeah! Jackpot! He wrestled me to the bed and we were all tangled up for what seemed like forever. I remember trying to rub those long feet of his but he wouldn't have it at all. I wonder now if he was just ticklish or if it was a cultural thing. Some of those barefoot countries thought the feet were unclean and best not noticed. Condoms were never mentioned. I thought I could just do this...get fucked raw and be done with it. But he was so addicted to poppers. I mean, he just wouldn't stop sniffing that little bottle. I didn't like them. Made me dizzy and not at all horny. Just the secondhand smell was making me sick. But Shri seemed to need it like it was oxygen or something. My stomach turned over and I. had to just leave. I couldn't imagine vomiting in front of him in the fucking Hilton no less. I actually did throw up -- on some sports car in the parking garage. It was too late to go to Rick's place. Oh well. the total kink freak I hate myself for not remembering his name . I never wrote it down in my journal for some reason. He could be really be the star of a whole new story. Let's just call him "Roger" for now. I met him in the weirdest way. I decided to finally address my drinking problem and Deb suggested I see this acupuncture guy who had an office in the absolute worst part of the city. He was a tiny, chain-smoking Japanese man who always looked on the verge of death. Insurance didn't cover this and so I paid fifty bucks each time I wanted to get stuck with fifty different needles. He was also selling me herb pills with not a word of English on the label. I took them. I maybe felt better afterwards (even Rick commented that I was drinking less and had a noticeably increased libido). I kept going back. It didn't hurt and his voice was soothing. He said wise things in between his coughing jags. He became my spirit guide. Sort of. So anyway -- I was walking out of the decayed building when I met Roger. He was obviously gay. Not exactly handsome but interesting. I'd later find out he was working for a non-profit place that delivered food to underprivileged families. He drove a truck. "Hi. How are you? I'm Roger." It was March but still very chilly out and he was only wearing a t-shirt. "Hi. I'm Brian. You need a coat, man!" "No. I am always running hot and I move around a lot. I like the cold. I was born in Minnesota. Played hockey in high school." Well, he didn't use complete sentences very much, but I could deal with that. I tried so hard not be a snob. Asian herbs were maybe helping with that. "I was born in a climate not too much different than this. It's usually warm by now. I can't skate. Never learned." "I'll teach you. If my skates are still in decent shape. Size 13 skates are hard to find." uh oh I had to wonder if guys just sensed my weirdness back then. "Need a ride?" "Nah. I'm parked just over there. I don't work regular hours and just got done having an acupuncture treatment." "Whoa! Really? You got stuck with needles and shit??" "Yeah. It doesn't hurt at all." "Cool. I have an hour left on my shift. Want to meet up for a drink later?" "Sure. Ever been to Pals? It's a great place." "OK. I prefer The Tent, though." The what? "Sure. Where is it?" He looked at me like I was joking. "Where you been, dude? It's the oldest gay bar in the city!" I stood there looking like an idiot. "Hey - why don't you just come with me as I finish delivering some stuff. It'll do your karma some good. We never have enough help." Sure, Mr. Size 13 skates -- I need the karma points. "OK. Let's go." The alarm was set on my car and I'd kind of gotten used to leaving it behind on my sex adventures. He was right about the warmth that came with doing real work, I was sweating and his own personal heat made the inside of the cab even hotter. I got hard. I could smell sex coming off of him. The Tent was indeed very old -- and very close to my building. I swear -- I lived at one of of the three points on a Gay Bermuda Triangle, Everything was so close to my life. It was a dump. The building looked on the verge of collapsing at any second. And you couldn't just walk in....you had to be buzzed in electronically. Like it was a high-security prison or something. uh oh It was bad. I mean -- disgusting. There was some skeletal looking guy wearing just a jockstrap,..and he was actively sucking on the boner next to him at the bar. I should probably think about not being unsafe ever again. Too much shit and ugliness. My bug-chasing seemed so stupid right then. We each got beers and Roger just looked at me...head to toe. "You hate it here, don't you?" "No. I just..." "Play darts? I'm in a league now." Ugh. I never knew why gay guys liked this game so much. Lester had shelled out big bucks for a new electronic dart game at Pals even though I voted against it at first. It turned out to be a huge hit. Weird. This Roger and I kept drinking and let out hands move over each others bodies. I liked where this was going. I started having some thoughts I hadn't really had before. "I want to lick your ass, Roger." I'd never felt that like doing that with anyone before. but was now whispering it in his ear. I blamed the vibe in this bar. What I first thought was just filthy sleaze was the best kind of filthy sleaze. Reckless. "Thanks, man! I'd love that!" He was so happy that he kissed me deeply. We probably could have just done it right there and nobody would give a damn. The beer was dirt cheap and we had more. And more. We were basically dry humping each other there in the open between rounds of darts. As it turns out, I wasn't too bad at this game. He wanted to do some shots, but I asked if we could just go home together instead. It might have been my horniest moment ever -- and I'd had more than a few. So we left. He lived in a very small apartment in an old building. His queen-sized bed was right in the middle of his living room/only room. OK. I was getting used to every and any kind of shitty apartments when hooking up with strangers. It wasn't that bad, really. A single gay dude our age, working for a non-profit could do worse. I just knew he had a lot of sex here. You could feel it, smell it practically. This was going to be fun. I guess he was still thinking about my offer to eat out his ass because he guided me to the bathroom. We stripped and he got in the shower. It's kind of a shame because I was really loving the smell of sweat he had. A working man's sweat. Rick had it most of the time and I never wanted him to shower before we got down to business. I needed to call him tonight. Taking a shower with somebody is never as erotic as the movies make you think. It's cold, awkward and a little too slippery when you've had some drinks. He soaped his ass and pits well and I did the same - even though I'd just showered before the acupuncture appointment. I wanted to be clean before he defiled me in every way he could think of. After we toweled off, he opened the shower curtain wide and lit a votive candle sitting on the vanity. "We'll come back after the tub dries." Wink. I had no idea what he had in mind, but I was up for it. We went back to the main room and he basically threw me on the bed. YES! We made out passionately and that big ol' dick of his was already leaking a little. He squatted over my face and I just went for it. The hole was hairless and tasted like Dial soap -- with just a hint of funk. I tongued it and kissed it and everything. I was now a pro at something else. Roger moaned and squirmed until I guess he just couldn't take it anymore. "Wow. I need to fuck you now." Yeah! I saw him move off the bed and fish out a condom from somewhere. Shit. I was so ready for a bare cock to go inside of me. Poz me. "See if you can make the latex break, Roger." He hesitated. "Not such a good idea. I fucked a guy bare the other night and I never meant to. He might have diseases and I can't put you at risk until I get tested." I really couldn't talk him out of it. He had an odd bend in his cock that made things a little too difficult after he entered. I couldn't handle it. The angle just made it impossible for my ass to cooperate. "Sorry. It'll get easier once you've gotten used to it." I never doubted there were other bug-chasers out there - but I was starting to think that real gift-givers were rare. I reluctantly made him pull out and wondered if I would ever be capable of taking the rape I'd fantasized about for so long. Probably not. Roger saw the disappointment in my face, "How 'bout I fuck your face for a while?" Sure! That angle made taking him whole difficult as well. I guess I'd lucked out so far with all the straight, perfect boners I'd had. I mean, Rick's was fucking perfect. I had been spoiled. "Don't worry. we're going to celebrate the day I hit those tonsils." Sounded good to me. We kissed and humped passionately for a good twenty minutes before he jumped up and went to the bathroom. I could really get into this guy. "OK. Tub's dry. Come with me Brian NOW." Oh, yes sir! It was dark and smelled like soap and whatever floral scent the candle was, he put a blindfold on me. That made me a little nervous. I was a visual guy. Once I was unable to see anything, he put me in the tub and told me lay back and relax. The tub was still slightly damp. And a little cold. I'd never been blindfolded before. That's when he dripped some hot melted wax on my chest. It hurt a little but in a good way. Cool! It was a turn on but not really enough to get me going - plus I was afraid he'd drip some on my exposed dick. But it was over. Then I felt a heavy stream of hot urine splatter me. A first for me. You can't imagine how instantly that gave me a boner. It even smelled good! He emptied his bladder on every square inch of my body. I could do this every day of my life. "Wow. That almost made me cum! I loved it." He chuckled. "Yeah. I noticed." I rinsed off and met him back in bed. Of course I went straight for his bare soles and gave him the best foot rub of his life. His feet were nice but the heels were very hard and calloused. Working man's feet. "Are you a runner? A jogger." "Yeah. Can you tell just from how bad my feet are?" "No. They're great. I should probably start too. Where do you run?" "Georgia Park. It's nice. I guess prostitutes have been killed there a lot lately, but I've never seen anything bad. Even at might." An idea was forming in my head. The sex part of the session was over and we just talked even though neither of us had cum. Sometimes you just don't have to. When I got home, I had messages from Ronnie and Rick. Later. I immediately called Roger again. Most times I just wanted day or two of no communication before talking to the guy again. "Hello?" "Hey! It's Brian. I just wanted to say again how much I liked meeting you." "Great. Me too! It's still early - want to go back to The Tent?" "Nah. I need to get some work done now, but I'd like to invite you over to my place tomorrow night. I'll give you the address. Got a pen?" "Cool. Want me to bring something?" "Sort of. I was thinking you could jog here and let me clean the sweat off of you with my tongue. Head to toe." "Oh....OH! Yeahhhh! What time?" "Whenever. Maybe after rush hour is over. Like around 7? I can make dinner for you as well." "Deal! I'll call just before I head out." "See you then." This was a first. I tried to never bring sex partners here. Even Rick had only been here twice. And I'd never ever made dinner for anybody. I just liked the idea. I had a dream about him that night. By the next evening, I'd straightened the place up a little but not too much. I'd picked out some CDs I could play. I'd gotten everything ready to make BLTs. Is there even one person on Earth who doesn't like a good BLT?? He arrived a little early, wearing sweats and a dark green windbreaker. He was glowing from the run. Nice. "It's warmer outside tonight, but I wore the jacket so I'd sweat a little more for you." Wicked smile. How do you make small talk with a sweaty guy you're about to worship with your mouth? "Want me to hang up your windbreaker?" "Nah. I'll keep it on until later. This is a nice place. What is it you do again?" "I'm a consultant and do various business work for other companies." "Cool. Can you show me around?" There really wasn't much more to see except the kitchen, bathroom and my bedroom. Well, you know where this is going. He immediately plopped down on my bed. I liked that he did it without being invited to. "Nice mattress. Can I move in?" "It's new. But not as big as yours." "Here I am, Brian. Get busy." I just loved how there wasn't one shy, retiring thing about him. I peeled off his big sweaty Reeboks first. The odor hit me and it was sexy as fuck. The socks were warm and damp. He thrust his hips up so I could get his sweatpants down. No underwear. His fat dick was engorged but not completely hard yet. I loved the aroma of fresh sweat, but the taste was even better. Salty and manly. Better than bacon even. He was fully erect now and putting his hands behind his head. I got the message. I worked each pit with pure passion. I tasted and inhaled everything. EVERYTHING! I got him sopping wet everywhere with my saliva. He couldn't help but jack off right there. "Fuck! I'm gonna shoot!" I covered the head with my mouth and he let go right away. I tasted everything. I don't think I'd ever be the same after this. Roger was the kind of freak I'd been looking for. I wanted to do it all over again."Thanks, Babe. Are you hungry yet?" "Oh yeah. Definitely. Nobody's ever made dinner for me before." "Don't get too excited. I was just going to make BLTs." "Awesome. Want me to get dressed or stay naked?" "You decide. Just be comfortable." He wore the sweatpants and nothing else and walked to the kitchen. He wanted to watch me cook and make idle chat. I got completely dressed (bacon splatter) but didn't bother with the cool apron Ronnie gave me for Christmas. Roger was a real guy and would probably smirk if I wore some goddamn apron. He sat at my kitchen table with his legs crossed and a bare sole facing me. See what I mean? Guys found my sex weakness and used it to practically paralyze me with lust. We ate happily even though he thought it was weird that I didn't have a TV in my kitchen. We had a few more nights like that. I happened to mention I wanted to be raped. Mistake. "You don't mean that. It's one thing to say when you're all horny...but it's a horrible, unsexy thing when it happens to you. No pleasure whatsoever." Whoa. I'd stepped on a landmine somehow. Was he molested as a kid? Had a bad experience? It was the beginning of the end for us as a couple. It wasn't just the rape talk. He basically admitted he was a big whore and couldn't be tied down to just one guy. It was probably for the best. I was still hung up on Ted --who only existed as a painful memory now. And there was Rick now. He'd gone through some dark days since the diagnosis. I was on call for him at all times. the black cowboy, the guy who didn't speak English, a bunch of guys from the personal ads, the chiropractor who was as former monk, the random dudes from Pals I was being a whore myself. I'll just skip them and get to the best part of this story..... 10. TED AT LAST I was having another business lunch with Lester. A liquid lunch of course. The stage and the lighting were all finished. I was trying to convince him we should have drag queens once a week. "The crowds would increase. People love them gals and drink like crazy when they perform." "I don't have the space here for more dressing rooms. I already put in a nice one for your stripper boyfriend and he didn't really in bring much of a crowd. No. This ain't no drag bar, Brian. Now let's talk about the cocktail napkins you wanted." "Dudes write their phone numbers on those. They're not expensive." "Neither are the ones I can get from Sam's Club. I'm open to your matchbook idea, though. We might as well do it before they put in a smoking ban for the whole damn city. But you have to pay for those yourself. You owe me me that much." "How do you figure, Lester? We can't keep enough T-shirts in stock these days. I see them everywhere I go.I'm the reason this place is making you a profit." "I did you a big favor, kid. Well...Sammy helped. Buy the matchbooks and take on extra grand for all this construction, Deal?" "What 'favor', Lester? Are you just drunk-talking now?" "This is where trust comes in. You write me a check now and come back at 9 tonight. It just might be the best night of your life." What? Was I going to get a plaque or something? I was too curious not to agree. I was making more money off of this investment than I'd ever hoped I would. My dad would be proud if I'd bothered to talk with him....like ever. I wonder if I'd remembered to give my parents the new phone number I got s few weeks ago (I was getting calls from that Shri guy at all hours for awhile). I haven't spoken to either of my parents for a long time. I needed to let go of my anger and resentment at them, The last time I'd had an appointment with Deb, I had asked her some real direct questions about how to just forgive them and move on. Her advice was so fucking weird that I knew my time with her was about to expire. "Some souls are in too big a hurry to get born. They cut in line, so to speak. As a result - they end up in the wrong families. I can grieve about that with you when you're ready." "What about the whole bug-chasing fetish I have," "I have a friend who's a psychic (of course she did) and we discussed this phenomena we're seeing more and more. Your generation was coming of age just when the disease hit with full fury. You were force-fed too much scary information at too young an age. We all eventually 'chase' what scares us. It's quite human." That almost made some sense. "And my thing with rape? Feet?" "I read a study once that claimed those things might start in the womb. When you're just an embryo, you're all curled up like a little tadpole. Your brain and feet are practically touching during critical stages of development. It's more common in men than women. I also think it's part of your desire to be dominated." "Yeah. I remember you saying something about that came from having a bad relationship with my father. But it wasn't so much 'bad' as it was 'nonexistent'." "Same thing, Brian." Really? Hmm. It might have been the most enlightening discussion we'd ever had. But it was getting close to 7 and I needed to get go ready for Pals and Lester's big surprise. I doubted it would be worth the two grand I'd just put into his business this afternoon. How could it? I wore my Pals t-shirt with vintage varsity jacket that Ronnie had held for me at her shop. Some jock from the 70's had obviously excelled at every sport that existed because the big white 'B' patch had every little medal pinned to to it. Business had picked up, but it was still a little early for a Friday night. Sammy and Lester were sitting at the bar having a conversation...a conversation that immediately stopped when I approached. "What's up, guys?" A few secret smiles were shared. I was not so much excited as I was curious about what was supposed to be 'the best night of my life'. "Oh not much. We were just talking about the new bouncer we hired. He doesn't come in until 9." "I thought we were going to do the interviews for that together. It's a good for me to help screen applicants...especially since it was my idea in the first place." "Remember what I told you about trust, Kid." Fine I was still a little pissed off, but Sammy smoothed things over by pouring us some shots. Lester drained his and left. ''You'll like him. Big ol' fucker that has some security experience. Ain't nobody gonna mess with him." Well I guess it sounded good, but not terribly thrilling. Lester was a bullshitter, but Sammy had always been level with me. So far. "Cool." "Well -- I can show you one of the surprises now." We just got these in this morning. He hefted a big box onto the bar. New sweatshirts and long-sleeved t-shirts. All black except the logo was a tad smaller and done in white instead of pink. Lester thinks we can sell the sweatshirts for 25 bucks and the t's for 20. He paid for these himself and is having the display shelves constructed as we speak. "The markup is a little steep, but we'll give it a shot. We might have to reduce the price if they don't move." "Cheer the fuck up, Brian! You can take as many as you want. Hand a few of them out to any hot men you might meet." "Yeah, Great, I think I need a sex break for now. Get me a Bud Light, would ya?" "Giving celibacy a try, huh? I give it less than 24 hours. It's just a feeling I have." Whatever. Lately, I was feeling burnt out by hook-ups. And shamed. I'd even stopped writing them down. Sammy kept staring toward the door. I thought he'd see every hunk that walked in and then tempt me to hook up with somebody. "You need to get out of this mood. You're no fun anymore." "Gee, thanks." The beer was extra cold these days because I'd convinced Lester to upgrade the refrigeration system and replace the taps. Sales had improved by more than 20% and I figured we'd recoup the money by the end of the year...especially if we had a really hot Summer. "Oh look! The new bouncer/doorman is here. H'e's early. That's a good sign, right?" I spun the stool around. And there was Ted! In real life. For real. "Oh my God!" "Surprise!" He looked a little different than I remember.Put on some more weight, shaved off the beard but kept the mustache. He also seemed a little unwell somehow. But still awesome all the same. Would he remember me at all? I guess he did because his face lit up with a smile. Sammy handed me a shot of tequila to take to him. "Brian! It's really you! Wow! You look exactly the same.." "Great to see you again, Ted! You start working tonight, huh? Have a shot!" "Thanks! I'm a little early because I wanted to get a lay of the land. I forgot how small it was." "How did you land the gig, man?" "I was here and the bartender, that Sammy guy just offered me the job our of nowhere. I'm getting paid in cash which is a major perk. I actually came here looking for you!" He blushed a little. "What? No way!" "Yeah! I asked around and finally met somebody who thought you worked here. Or owned it or something." "I've been searching for you too. I don't really own this place -- just an investor. And - wow! It's really you!" "Yep! I was afraid you weren't interested after you never called me. I don't blame you -- I was in a bad place that night and probably made a bad first impression." "No. No -- I was instantly excited but I lost the number. Must have thrown it out by mistake. I'm kind of careless sometimes. But I remember every word, memorized it." It wasn't a total lie - it really had been a mistake to ever 'lose' that number. His smile got even brighter. I've still got 30 minutes before I start. Want to sit for a little?" "Yeah. Yeah. Definitely," Sammy gave us more free shots and kept lurking nearby with a smirk on his face. "OK. That's my limit. I'm starting work now and am not even supposed to mix alcohol with some of the meds I'm on." "Oh. OK." I figured there'd be plenty of time for him to tell me things if he wanted to. Sammy looked at me with sparkling eyes. "Brian? Can you help me with something in the back for a second?" "I'll watch the till," Ted offered. I'm still in shock that THE Ted was here. We got to the back where a new computer was still in the box. Lester had wanted one but I was dreading having to explain to him how to use it. "You seem to be really happy all the sudden!" "I don't know how to thank you, Sammy! I owe you big time!" "Here. Help me with these." There were two new bar chairs there. Nice ones. These are sturdier than our regular ones and had nice padding. "One for the doorman and one for me." My ass is too old for the my other chair and I figured your boyfriend would appreciate how strong they are. I can sneak the cost into the books somehow without Lester noticing, but it might be easier if you just paid for them." "No problem." "He seems cool -- not really my type, but he's nice. Even offered to bring his own flashlight, but I got him this new, heavy-duty one. Now this I can charge to Lester. Just help me carry everything out." We did. "Brian - go get Ted set up by the door. It's getting crowded and I need to get back behind the bar." I got him situated by the door. "Fancy! Thanks." "We need to get you a table here - but a new one is being built right now. Anything else you need?" "Just some water if you don't mind." I went a fetched him a a little bottle of the cold spring water I'd talked Lester into buying for the designated drivers. Of course it was the cheapest brand they carried at Sam's Club. "Wow. You treat employees very well here." He should have kept the beard. "So what else is going on with you, Ted?" He promised to fill me in on everything later. It was getting busy and he was now on the clock. I'd bring some XXXL shirts when he wasn't too swamped. Sammy motioned for me to come help out behind the bar. I'd become good at tending bar lately. It was sort of fun. If it was some drink I'd never made before, I turned the order over to Sammy and learn how he made it. I'd sometimes get really good tips which I always just gave to Sammy. Always got a few phone numbers that I kept as souvenirs. ..unless Sammy wanted one in particular. The best thing about doing this work was how fast the time would go by. It stayed busy until about 2 AM when we arrived at what was known as "after party" time. People paired off and left. By now it was just a handful of very drunk regulars. "Thanks for helping me, Brian." I couldn't believe how late it was already. "Why don't you and Ted go ahead leave early. This chair is so nice. You guys both did a good job and I can lock up pretty soon." "Are you sure?" "Yeah. Give him this envelope. I added a bonus. Do you know he caught three fake I.D.s from stupid kids. I think he collects them." "That many? Wow. It's a wonder he haven't been busted before." "No kidding. Now get out of here and go have fun." wink "Hold on a second" I picked up a pen and drew a little happy face on it...and then added a few little hearts. Sammy rolled his eyes as I went to deliver it. "Hey Brian! Is it time to go?" "For us it is." He looked at my silly little drawing on the back. "You remembered! But this is too much money." "You earned a bonus. Thanks for doing such a great job...I hear you nailed some little lawbreakers tonight." "It's not so hard to spot fakes after you've done this for awhile. Out of state I.D. s are the first giveaway. Some little punk comes in with a driver's licence from Alaska and I'm ultra careful. They've gotten better with computers and stuff now, but I always catch them." Always. Hey -- can you give me a ride home?" yes yes yes yes! "My car eventually gave up and I walked here. I walk everywhere. It's not too far, but my back is killing me right now." "No problem. I'm close too, but I drove tonight. Let's go!" As we walked out to the parking lot, I saw Roger making out with some guy near the entrance. I shuddered at the thought of him. What a waste of time and hormones. "Thanks, man. I'm not really afraid of this neighborhood. but there's more meth now than before. Have you noticed?" "No. I don't even know what that looks like." "You'll learn to recognize it soon enough. They all look like walking,talking, nervous corpses. And are just weird, ya know? They never drink alcohol that I've noticed. They leave the room all the time and come back a few minutes later. And their teeth tend to be pretty bad. Never ever touch that shit." "Don't worry, Ted. I've been trying to convince the owner to provide health benefits, but you'd have to be on the payroll. Why did you want to be paid in cash?" "Long story. I'll tell you on the drive back to my place." OK. Which way do I go?" "Just drive South on Luther and make a left at the second light." "Okay." Not a really great area. Worse than Rick's neighborhood even. "So the deal is...I'm not technically allowed to have a job because I'm on disability." uh oh "It's hard to get by on what they give, but I couldn't survive without it. Not bad healthcare either. I'm just trying to stay in their good graces." "What's wrong?" I had an idea. "Mental stuff, mostly. I sort of had a breakdown not long after we first met. I was so, so bummed out. But I finally met somebody, and I was certain it would work out and 'cure' me. It was so nice. We went to Disneyland together and did some fun stuff. But then he dumped me. That sent me right over the edge. I had to be hospitalized after a suicide attempt. They decided I was possibly schizophrenic and just had some screwed-up wiring . I was even having hallucinations. Little creatures on the floor You aren't suppose to drink when taking the pills for that. I don't even enjoy it anymore. Not like I used to. I still smoke cigarettes and sometimes cigars - but that's it. I have other health stuff going on, but we can talk about that later. Not now, OK?" "Sure. Is this the right street?" "Yeah -- It's the big white house with the blue porch light. Just pull up to the curb.There's no driveway." "Nice. Do you have roommates?" "Yeah - I was going to tell you about that. I used to have three. but now I just have one. Dan. I have this unique ability to drive people away. Dan I were the best of friends for many years. but he's a mess now. I hardly see him at all now. He stays in his room and talks in chat rooms all the time. He does poppers constantly and I swear the air in there is flammable. He had a bulldog who died. I'm convinced it was because of the fumes." "Gross. I hate that smell." "The good thing is I have the whole upstairs to myself. The bad thing is that it costs me more and I'm barely getting by. The landlord is a good guy and works with me on the rent." "Wow. I doubt you drive people away, though. I've been searching for you for years now." "Wow? Really? You are so sweet! There's more to tell you. Want to come in for some coffee or something." yes yes yes yes "Absolutely." "I'm sure he's awake, but he won't come out of his room. I think he pisses in a plastic jug or something." It wasn't so bad inside, but you could definitely smell the amyl nitrate. God, I hated that shit. You could practically see that smell in the air. We climbed the creaky wooden stairs. They made a haunted house sound under us. His own private living space was a little room with a ratty couch, an old TV and a coffee table littered with overflowing ashtrays, magazines, trash and matchbooks. I had to wonder if there phone numbers on the back of them. Probably, but I had to respect his privacy. It was hard, though. Speaking of 'hard' -- I already was. Just being near him again was all I'd wanted for so, SO long. "So -- you want me to turn the TV. There's not much on right now." "Whatever you'd normally watch is fine, Ted." He found one of those courtroom shows -- like 'Judge Judy' only not as famous. I'd guess there were about a thousand versions by now. I never watched that shit. "Want a cigarette? A cigar? I wasn't about to light up in your car." "I'll take a regular smoke. You are the only person I'd let smoke in my car. Never hesitate again. Just do it." He looked at me a new way. "Go downstairs and make us some coffee. Cups are above the coffee-maker. You know how to make coffee, right?" "I can figure it out. I never drink coffee -- got any beer?" "Yeah -- There's some cheap stuff Dan bought in the fridge. Take what you want. He'll never miss it." It was almost 3 AM as I crept down those noisy stairs. The smell of poppers was so strong down here. Ugh. The kitchen was easy enough to find. It was much neater and cleaner than you might think. I made the coffee and helped myself to some brand of beer I'd never heard of. It was mostly terrible, but cold enough. Beer is beer after all. I finished making the coffee and had forgotten to ask if he wanted sugar in it. My guess is he did. I put just a little in. I climbed back up the stairs with both beverages. Ted had slipped off his jeans and sat with his socked feet up on the coffee table. How did guys always know?? I almost tripped on his discarded boots, but didn't spill a drop of either drink. "Good boy!" Oh! I liked that! I was already his 'boy'. What a perfect night! "Is it just my imagination or have your boots gotten even bigger since I first met you back at Ledge?" "I remember you noticing them. Is that your thing? That's a whole other story. Take off my socks." yes yes yes yes There was a smell that hit me. The best smell ever. Almost sweet. His toes were all bent up like a clenched fist. Hammer toes...what they're called. They can be inherited or caused by vigorous walking, stressful activity. "You have amazing feet, Ted." "See the toes?" "Yeah - they're all bent. Does that run in your family?" "Nope. All my fault. I used to wear size 13's because I thought that was the biggest boot made. My doctor traced my bare foot on a piece of paper and then made a trace of my boot. I'd been wearing too small a shoe for years. I'm actually a size 15. You have to go to one of those big guy stores...or order them online." I wanted that piece of paper...but it would it too weird to ask just then. I was determined to make this work and not screw things up. "Does it hurt now?" "Lots of things hurt these days. Tall, heavy guys always ache somewhere...knees, feet, back. You name it - its either been in pain or hurts right now." "Dang." The regular programming on TV had switched over to infomercials. "Wow. It's late. I'm beat. How 'bout you?" "Very. Long day, long night.Do you work again tonight?" "Yep. I think I'm really going to like this gig." "I can come pick you up if you want." "Thanks! Yes! Drop by around 8 if you can. We can hang out a little while first." "How about 7? I'll take you out for some dinner first?" "Wow. Great!" I finally had Ted back in my life...I was going to treat him like a king. I mean, how many second chances do you get in life? "See you then." I normally hated still being out this late/early. It's a weird time when it's still dark, but birds have started to sing out here and there. There was a morning feel in the air. Ugh. I'd have stuff to do tomorrow and it was already tomorrow. 11. OFF TO A ROCKY START WITH TED I could tell my machine was full of messages, but I just needed some sleep just now. I didn't even wake up until after noon...after a really nice, contented sleep. I'm sure there was a smile on my face the whole time. Most of the messages were from Rick. He'd been doing better lately and staying busy. It was nice to hear him somewhat happy again. "You're never home anymore ... it's okay. I've been getting some new work recently. I'm building a display case for that bar you like - that Pals place. That old man who owns it is a flake. Do you know him? Well, I need to get some stuff from the hardware store now. Call me." I'll be damned. This could get real awkward fast. I'd finally found my perfect man and at the same time, put Rick's entire support system in peril. Karma gives and takes in equal measure. Why couldn't it just give for, like, a full month just once? Ronnie wasn't entirely happy about the latest twist in my romantic life. I think she was happy that I was happy, but.... "Wait - Doesn't this guy have HIV?" "I don't know that for sure, Hon. He's put on a bunch of weight....so that's a good sign. Right?" "Well...just be careful." She really didn't know much about what a "chaser" I'd become. Not a successful one so far, but it make her upset if I confessed that. If I was going to get the bug eventually, I wanted to contract it from Ted. Ted only. I was much too smart to go into anything without thinking it through. I still thought so highly of my brain back then. I got a lot of work that day...stuff that needed to get done. I wanted 7 o'clock to get here so badly. My spirits were high. I played all my favorite CD's and wanted to dance, dance, dance! I deserved this feeling. I called Rick because it had to be done and I was ready to cross that off my list today. "Hey, Brian!" Caller I.D. was so common now. Phone calls had lost what little bit of magic they'd had when I was younger. "Hey. What's up?" "I'm smoking a bowl and celebrating the cash I just made. Delivered this table and display case I just finished. Got paid in cash. Is that business on the up and up? They paid me in cash when I stripped there a few times. Why haven't they asked me to do it again? " "It's like you said - the owner is a flake." I'd bring him a few shirts later. He loved free stuff. I couldn't help it, I had to call Ted. I copied his number down about twenty different times. I'd never lose touch with him again. "Hello?" No caller I.D. at his place I guess. "Hi, Ted. It's Brian. How are you?" "Great! Did you get some rest?" "Oh yeah. I was wondering if we could meet up a little earlier tonight. Or now?" "That's what I like to hear! How about 6? I got the plumber here now and I don't know when he'll be done. Toilet clogged again. Thank God for this new cash. I appreciate this new job so much -- I get the feeling you had something to do with me landing it." "Only in a secondhand way." "So -- is 6 good then?" "You bet. See you then!" I hung up and beamed blissfully. What would I wear? It didn't feel right to go too dressy. Ted was so casual. It was the back end of the nineties and dress codes didn't really exist in businesses these day. I put on my new Pals sweatshirt because Spring just get going this year. I wanted to grab Ted and go live with him somewhere tropical. It was only 4 PM and I was ready to go. Oh hell -- I'd just stop in at Pals and drink up some liquid courage, see the new display case and chat with Sammy. I couldn't just sit around anymore. "Hi, Boss!" "I hate when you call me that, Sammy. I'm not Lester. Not even close." The new furniture looked great but nobody had bothered to put all the new stuff on it or even put in evenly against the wall. That would give me something to do. "Did you know the blonde carpenter is the same guy who stripped here that time?" "Really?" (time to play dumb) "Yeah. I've seen that guy around everywhere. He's a hustler. I'm sure of it. Talk about being multi-talented!" "Wait. A hustler? No way." "Well -- I used to see him out with a lot of guys who are who were in their 60's and 70's. Maybe he's just a 'professional companion'." I probably should have guessed that. "Think you'll need my help again tonight?" "Maybe. It comes and goes lately. Can you stick around and talk to your man -- just in case? Did you have fun with him?" My spontaneous grin gave me away. "I see." "Yeah. We're going out for dinner tonight before his shift." Sammy looked so self-satisfied. "Thought I'd have a few drinks first. Give me the shirts and I'll go put them out. Are they going to pay for them at the door or here at the bar?" "Undecided. Lester hasn't quite figured that out yet. What can I bring you?" "Vodka tonic. And maybe some peanuts or something...I don't want to eat too much in front of him." "Such a demure young lady! But it sure looks like he can put the food away pretty well himself, I'll bring the nuts anyway." The crowd wouldn't pick up much tonight...I could always tell somehow. Maybe I could escape with Ted extra early and have some real fun. I hoped. By the time I'd finished my second drink, I decided to not wait any longer. Maybe he'd take my early arrival as a sign of eagerness. It very much was exactly that. "See you later, Brian." I knocked on the door around 5:45 PM. For a second or two, I was afraid the roommate would answer the door. I couldn't even picture him in my mind. But no -- it was Ted, fresh out of the shower and wearing a robe. "Excellent timing, Boy! Come on up and help me figure out what to wear. I didn't know where you wanted to eat...but you're casual tonight so I guess that will help me decide." "Wherever you want. What's your favorite place?" "Not vegetarian or too spicy. There's a decent BBQ place on Pearl Avenue. Not exactly cheap but the food is so good!" I'd take him there every night. He kept allowing the robe to slip open so I could glimpse his furry bush and beautiful pale dick. His legs weren't hairy - which surprised me. Usually guys that were balding had an abundance of body hair. His chest was nearly bare as well. I helped him pick out jeans, a baggy black sweater shirt and socks. "What about the shoes?" "They're all in the corner over there. Not boots. They make my feet hurt and sweat like crazy." I saw the stack of shoe boxes that were all clearly labeled 'US 15'. I found some nice black loafers that probably cost quite a bit. "Good choice. Now come put them on me." I loved how bossy he was being tonight. He sat on the bed as I carefully slipped them on those massive feet. "Good Boy!" I liked that too -- even though it sorta sounded like he was talking to a golden retriever. "Ready?" "I'll tell you when we're ready to go. Do you have a computer, the internet?" "Yeah. I do quite a bit of work on internet stuff for the company I consult for." "Ever chat on there?" "No. It all seems overwhelming now. My building doesn't have wifi yet -- so the connection is slow." "There's DSL. You can always try that." I swear, the only thing more tedious than working at a computer was talking about computers. Still -I wanted Ted to feel as if everything he was saying was fascinating. "I can show you more later. We can chat sometimes. Exchange emails." "Cool." The BBQ joint was't too busy. I think they did a lot of carryout business, but not many people actually sat down inside to eat. We got settled in at a table and I ordered a beer for each of us. "I need to tell you some stuff, Brian..." Here it comes. "Sure, what's up?" "Well, first off - I don't want you to wear that shirt again. The logo is on the left." "Oh? It's over the heart. It wasn't my idea to design it that way in the first place, but I never ...I mean, why?" "It'd be okay if it was on the right, I wouldn't mind. You're a submissive...everything should be oriented to the right. I'm dominant and can get away with those shirts.It might seem odd, but it could symbolize something when we're out together. When I give you my keys to carry, you attach them to a belt loop on your right side. It's just how it is. Got it boy?" "Yes, Sir." Weird He'd almost finished his meal while I had barely touched mine. I needed another beer. When it arrived - he said,"That's another thing. I don't think you should drink so much. Not around me anyway. I mean - just please...I want the only thing to influence you is ME," I'm not going to say this was a bad sign - I just didn't know much about this scene. The boy/sir scene or father/son scene. Whatever it was exactly.For his sake, I'd learn. I would. "OK, Ted. Whatever you say." "Good answer, I don't mean we can't party sometimes, but it needs to be my decision." I was a stubborn, self-involved asshole - but I could adapt. Probably. I guess I looked on the verge of a pout. "OK. Look -- Let's go to Pals now and have a few shots. You can have a beer and hang out with Sammy before I start. Just stop when I tell you to. Deal? Sure. Fine. I couldn't screw this up. It was busier than I'd expected.Maybe it was just a brief rush. It happened sometimes. "Well looky here - its the new happy couple. We sat at the bar and bullshitted with Sammy. As much as I wanted to continue to hear more about Ted's rules and regulations, he was pretty much in professional mode now. While Sammy was always jovial and fun when he was working. Ted handed me his untouched shots and left to go man his post. "Let him have a mini pitcher of beer, Sammy and then he's cut off." "What's that about, Brian? Are you his 'boy' already?" "Yeah, I guess. He's got a bunch of rules. Do you know about this whole right/left thing?" "Wow. That's old-school. I thought that went the way of color-coded hankies. But yeah - if he's the top, you pretty much have to wear all your stuff on your right. Does he want to tie you up and stuff?" "No. Not so far. He wants me to moderate my drinking, though." "Man - I'd dump him for that shit.You may be his boy, but you're still an adult. You look good in the new sweatshirt." "Logo's on the left. Bummer." He shook his head, "Uh oh -- it looks like we're in for another busy night. Can you come back here and help?" "Sure," "You can sneak some cocktails. He'll never see." "Deal! We need to hire a new bartender pretty soon, though." "Lester thinks we already found one in you." Whatever. No. I'd be a temp, at most, but I couldn't handle long shifts too often. Marcus says they're interested in bringing me back with a huge promotion and salary bump. I'd be above even where Jana was at before she left. Besides, it might not be a bad idea to not work alongside Ted too frequently. The crowd built up to a standing-room only size. Ted was busy being a bad-ass at the door as Sammy sneaking me shots that I placed out of view below the bar, near the lime wedges and olives. After a few hours, I decided to stop before I got too noticeably buzzed. Weirdly, the crowd didn't seem to thin out until closing time. I guess the recent start of daylight savings time had made it seem earlier than it really was. Ted was very good at herding them out swiftly after last call. Absolutely no one wanted to mess with him. He went out to scan the parking lot and shoo away the stragglers and guys busy getting it on with each other before even getting inside a car. "The cleaning crew van is already here, guys." "Damn -- I keep forgetting what days they come." Sammy throws his bar rag on the counter and goes to lock up the back. Ted grabs my hand and pulls me outside. Was he pissed off? "Well, you broke the rules, Boy." uh oh "Huh? How?" "I saw you drink. I'm not happy." Shit. I opened the passenger door for him and then slowly walked around to my side. I could tell that this short drive was going to last a long time. "Look...I'm an adult, Ted. I've been single a long time and I'm used to being independent. This may take some adjustment." "Watch your tone. We'll discuss things when we get home. You can drive okay, right?" I decided not saying anything was better than trying to explain myself any further. I knew things were not good when he just got out of the car and slammed the door. I could drive home right now, but I followed him up to the porch instead, I had to see this through. It might get better. We got up to his little upstairs living room and he closed the door behind us. The fact that he didn't slam it was a relief. He plopped down on the ratty couch. "What are we going to do about this, boy?" "You could beat the shit out of me." I kind of liked the idea of his getting all crazy and sexy violent with me. "Yeah - I could spank your bare ass and punish you like the bad boy you are. Oh hell...just come sit down next to me for now." He turned the TV on stretched back in pretty much the same position he had the previous night. "I think I sprung all this on you too fast and didn't give you a chance to be an equal partner in this. Maybe I drove away the last guy by being too rigid. Even submissive men are still men in the end. It would kill me to lose you just by not being flexible enough. All I ask is that we try some give and take for now. I want you to have a say in where we go from here. Deal?" We then proceeded to kiss and work each other up into a horny frenzy, "Can I blow you, Ted? Suck your cock?" "Not going to say 'no' to that, Brian!" He fished a semi-hard cock out of his underwear and let me just take it in my mouth. "Ahh! That's it. Go down as far as you can...Yeahh! Here - let me stand up. It'll be easier if you get down on your knees...DAMN! You took it all! Good Boy! You've got talent!" He'd later tell me I was the first guy to ever deep throat him completely. It wasn't terribly difficult because the shaft of his cock was thin enough to not block off my air passages. The knob at the tip was nice and bulky which made his entire penis resemble a magic wand..,or some weird kind of light bulb. I put my hands on his ass cheeks and urged him on. He thrust and humped my face for two or three minutes before starting to hesitate. "We better stop. I'm gonna cum. No...stop!" I couldn't, wouldn't. I held his butt even tighter as he gasped and shot his load down my windpipe. "GodDAMN!" He withdrew his slick, slimy tool from my mouth and panted. I felt a few drops of his sweat hit the top of my head like holy rain. I'd spontaneously came in my underwear - the first time that had ever happened. "Thanks, Ted." We heaved ourselves back up on the couch. "I wish you hadn't done that. I have HIV." Of course I didn't choose that particular moment to mention the countless times I'd swallowed Rick's poz loads. "It was unsafe, Brian" "Life is unsafe." He considered my words and seemed to relax a little. "Want to gargle with some Listerine?" "Nah. I'm good." "So you'd figured out my status already?" "I maybe suspected it, but didn't know for sure." "I see." He put an arm around me as we watched some B movie from the 80's about horny teens working at a beach resort. "I'm probably going to be spending less and less time at Pals before too long. My old company wants me back and they're offering some serious bank to get me." "Wow. That's good for many reasons... I mean, it's probably better that we won't be working together so much. That can be a problem sometimes." "I've got even better news...you get tomorrow off! We're going to spend the whole day out doing stuff, fun stuff." "Like what?" "That's a surprise...one of many surprises." "Wow. Can't wait!" "Good. So get some sleep and I'll pick you up for lunch around 12:30." "Ahh....so you're not spending the night?" "Not tonight, Sir. We'll have many more chances to do that." He saw me to the front door and we had a perfect goodnight kiss. I still missed the beard, but then again, I never could never be entirely happy with what I had. Still, my heart was thumping so deeply and I drove home on a cloud. 12. MY HONEYMOON WITH TED I'm not even really sure how much sleep I got when I woke up at 10:30 AM, but I practically jumped out of bed and started getting ready. I bet Ted wasn't as excited as I was. I kept adding things to the list of what I wanted to do today. And no, not all of them were sexual. I picked him up right on time and then we went to lunch at a retro style dinner that was popular with almost all iypes. You saw a few pairs of guys who had only just met the night before. They were easy to spot. It was a fun, casual meal. "Where to next, Brian?" "We're going to get you a car!" "What? No. You can't...I can't..." "I'm just helping you out...like a good friend would. It's going to be scorching hot this Summer and I can't have you walking everywhere then - or when it's freezing cold. I'll be working regular hours pretty soon and can't give you rides as often as you'll need them." He kept trying to think of reasons why I couldn't possibly do this, but I took him to a Ford lot that Ronnie's brother worked at. She promised they had good used cars and 'Curtis' would give me a very good deal. We got there and I was impressed with the selection -- they looked new to me. Like all men, Ted got a child-like look of glee on his face just looking at cars. he spent a good two hours just browsing and asking Curtis every single question he could think of. I was losing interest and my legs were getting tired. I excused myself to go get a Coke and rest in the waiting room. "I'll let you guys keep looking while I go take a load off. Take your time." They barely heard me. I went through two cans of Diet Coke and three innings of some televised baseball game before they finally came back. Ted decided on a 1992 Ford Bronco that wasn't quite the color he wanted, but it was perfect otherwise. Curtis and I went to his office to get the financing taken care of. He indeed gave me a very great deal and even arranged it so the payments would be made by me, but the title would be under his name. Ted was in the waiting room looked a little sunburned but very very happy. "It's ready to drive off the lot! Can you leave your car here?" "I'm sure that would be fine. Let's go!" He was thrilled, so excited. I was too, I may not be able to ever be his 'boy', but I would grow to love taking care of him. The interior was showroom perfect and even smelled new despite being seven years old. "Where to now?" "Just up ahead on Market Street. In the hipster district." He wasn't familiar with it even though he'd lived in the city way longer than I had. We were going to a funky fossil/mineral/custom jewelry shop called "Village Forge". I loved how confused Ted was as to why we were here. I led him to the jewelry counter where a punk girl who must have shared makeup tips with Ronnie greeted us. I urged him forward and said "Yes, I would like to get this man's finger measured for a ring." I don't think Ted knew what to think, do or say. She urged him to have a seat as she got out her sizing rings. I wondered if he thought he should be expecting an engagement ring or something. It was phase one of an idea I first got while watching an old Bette Davis movie with Ronnie (who thought she was Bette Davis at times) about a year ago. She was portraying Elizabeth the 1st and there was a scene where a general or something knelt down and kissed her ring. I remember thinking I'd love to show that kind of respect and devotion to a man - Ted, specifically. All would be revealed to him after the ring was finished. I'd already picked out the stone -- black tourmaline. I had a sketch of the cut and shape I wanted, When he was done getting sized, I sent him to go look around while I talked to the young lady. I showed her my sketch and we worked on a price. It was going to be great! She said I could pick it up in three weeks which seemed like forever from now. As we walked out of the store Ted asked, "So were you picking out an engagement ring for me? So soon?" "Not exactly. It's more like a gift. ,,something I've wanted to give you." "You're spoiling me so bad!" "Let's go get a drink to toast your new wheels. We can get get some appetizers there instead of eating any of that snack bar junk at the theater." "Cool. What are we going to see?" "That's up to you - there's a multiplex over on Grand and they show like eight different movies. " We ended up at a little bar and grill called Cashews where Ted had been once before and had some amazing onion rings. We shared a pitcher and a some onion rings and sliders. He wanted to talk more about his truck and how grateful he was, and he had more questions about the ring. How do you explain something like that? We ended up skipping the movie and going directly back to my place where he took off his shoes immediately. We each took turns removing articles of clothing...it was the kind of slow seduction I'd never experienced before. He wasn't all that thrilled with his body. but I loved every inch of it - some inches more than others.... He was lying spread-eagle on top of my bed...waiting. I gave his feet only a minute or two of attention before diving right for his magic wand. He still wasn't sure if he loved my nickname for his dong, but hadn't thought of anything better so.... I was becoming a magic wand expert and could get his big balls to tighten up with a few distinct moves I'd tried out. I kept a mental file of the things that made him the most vocal. Flick your tongue in and out like a hyper snake at the base of the dick and it feels amazing to the receiver. I would have been fine just taking another load in my mouth but Ted asked if he could fuck me. "Hell yeah!" "Got condoms?" "Nope. Just go in raw, Sir!" "You know we can't do that," he said sadly, with his dick still hovering close to my hole. "I'll just beat off." "No. Just go in a little bit and pull out after a minute." "I can't take that chance, Brian. Let's just chill out and be smart now." "Hold on -- let me go check in the bathroom cabinet and see if I can find a spare rubber." He was already losing his boner. Damn! I hurried off the bed and went into the bathroom. I got down and looked in the cabinet beneath the sink. There was my brand new box of condoms which I'd never opened. I found the lube and decided to bring that back to the bedroom. Maybe I could still -- a then a splatter of hot urine hit the back of my neck while I was still kneeling down. I turned around and Ted was standing there huge, naked, peeing on me. It might have been the most beautiful, most erotic visual of my life. Sadly, he didn't have a full bladder, I barely touched my cock and instantly had an intense orgasm. I crawled over and cleaned the remaining drops from his soft head. "Go hop in the shower, clean up and come back to bed." Later that night, as we were wrapped in each other's arms (my bed seemed so small with him in it) we sleepily talked a little. "Thank you for giving me a wonderful day, Brian." "Thank you for letting me give it to you." From then on, we shared our passion for water sports as often as possible. I had to give him credit for how creative he could be with it. I loved watching just going to restrooms with him so I could hold his shaft while he stood at a urinal. I actually just loved watching him go. He had this unique pee slit that was centered higher than most men's were. It gave him incredibly precise aim. He let me drink right from the tap many times even though he was a little worried about all the medications he was taking getting absorbed into my own body. I was never aware of anything unusual happening afterward. One of the most memorable occasions in our early dating days was the night we went to a sleazy bar that catered to every kind of freak out there. It had been very popular before Section opened and was now just another dying tavern. It was one of those rare nights when he didn't complain about me drinking as many beers as I wanted. He even had more than his usual number of drinks. At least place has a decent selection of classic old video games like Galaga and Ms PacMan. He'd stand and watch me rack up high scores. What I hadn't realized was that he was discretely peeing into my open beers while I wasn't looking. I eventually caught on, but didn't say anything. I don't think he ever did it again after that night but I always hoped he would. 13. TED'S RING I'd started my regular job again and almost immediately regretted the decision to come back. I was on a new floor where I didn't really know anybody now that Jana was gone. One thing anyone who's worked for a big company can tell you: the higher you climb the ladder, the less you get to do what you were hired to do in the first place. You don't get a chance to do what you're good at because you're always in meetings. Meeting after meeting after meeting. I hated being there, but tried not to bring it home to Ted. Tried. I was living at his place about half the time, but he didn't stay at mine often because of the cigar smell I just couldn't tolerate no matter how much I tried to like it. When Ted's ring was finally ready I took the rest of the day off. One of the advantages pf my new position was that I could just leave and people would just assume I was in a meeting or sitting in on a conference call somewhere. I had them put it in a proper velvet box and drove straight to his house. He was happy and surprised to see me. He'd never seen me in my business attire before. "Hey! You look like a grownup! Playin' hooky?" "Sort of. Want to take a little walk?" It was a beautiful April afternoon and the air smelled green and full of life. We strolled a few blocks to a small park that was informally called 'Rose Park' because its many rose bushes would bloom like crazy during the Summer. There was a nice pond with a fountain in the middle of it. There used to be swans until they started attacking people. "So, you really got me curious...what's up?" I stopped at a particularly scenic spot and I handed him the box. "Whoa! What.." He looked very happy, but confused and possibly a little scared. "Oh, I'd already forgotten about the ring." He opened it up and put the ring on his left ring finger. I'd meant for it to go on on his index finger, but the girl assured me his thick middle three fingers were all about the same ring size. "Fit's perfect! What's the stone?" "Black tourmaline -- it's a semi-precious gem that protects against negative energy and helps heal the mind." I remember this from Deb. I then knelt down and kissed it. He looked at me oddly. I will kiss it each time I see you -- to let you know that I'm aware of being in the presence of royalty. You are my king, Ted." "Wow. Thanks. You should get up now. You'll ruin those nice pants and there are people coming." I stayed down and kissed it again. I didn't want to embarrass him so I got up and we continued to walk. Everything looked extra green, extra beautiful. All those years spent waiting for him, the hopeless searching, those regretful sex adventures -- worth it! SO worth it! I noticed he was walking a little extra faster than usual and I wondered what he had in store for me back in his room... "I've got a surprise for you to, Brian. Well, it's for us." It turns out he'd bought himself a new digital camera and was really jazzed about it. I had one from work but had never had the time to learn how to use it. He took several shots of his new ring and then a few of me in my stupid shirt and tie. "Look like you'll have to get those pants cleaned, Babe." "I've never liked this pair... their too tight and too loose in all the wrong places." An idea blossomed. "Why don't rip them off me? Tear everything off my body and take pictures." He got a wicked smile and grabbed his bulging cock. "Everything? You sure?" Yeah, I was. "Pretend you're really pissed off at me -- get out some of that aggression." "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He got into my idea right away, but I didn't expect he'd turn so crazy so fast. "Come over here all dressed-up like you're something special....you're just a little whore who's finally gonna get what he deserves!!" He snapped a shot of my shocked expression. "You think you're so cute -- I can take care of that real fast! You won't think that five minutes from now!" I just had to remember that I'd asked for this. Ted took my tie off in one yank, "Maybe I'll choke you a little with this - or tie up your hands." He ripped my shirt off as buttons went flying everywhere. "I'm gonna wipe my ass with this later." OK. OK. I asked for this. I asked for this. I wasn't hard at all. He kept taking pictures. picture after fucking picture. "Take the pants off yourself. I ain't got time for that shit. Wait. Give me that look again. Yeah. You look scared as hell! You should be. Just stand there shaking like a leaf. I love it. He put the camera down at last. He moved in closer for what I thought would be an embrace at least, but he just did it rip my underwear in half with both hands. He was that strong. Back to taking more pictures. "Play with that miserable little midget dick of yours. There you go. Yeah. Get nice and hard." I was getting into the spirit of this now. He got undressed fast and with no flourishes. "Now turn around. Let me see that ass that's about to get ruined. Oh yeah. I've got plans for that." He was fully erect and that made me even more excited. Magic Wand! He took several pics of his own boner before returning the lens back on me. "Don't get lazy on me, bastard. Do something!" My first instinct was to just lie down on the floor - an act of surrender. "Good thinkin', you stupid weak slut." He stood over me and looked like something from a science fiction movie. His boner was super impressive from this vantage point. More photos. And then a swift barefooted kick to my rib cage. Goddamn! I saw spinning spots of light. And then one to other side. I squinted in complete pain. (I swear I still see pics from this session show up online sometimes - Tumblr has a way of finding them and repeating them over and over. At least I looked so much younger in them). Ted then sat on the bed and indulged my love of feet by rubbing his all over my face and twisting his toes in my hair. He thought maybe I liked that too much. His next move was to use one giant foot to cover my mouth and press my nose flat. I had no way to get air and started to panic. I grabbed his thick ankle in desperation, boner completely gone. It was everything I desired and nothing I wanted all in one. He took several photos of me struggling before finally letting me breathe. "You're face is gonna be so fucked up tomorrow," he laughed, "and I'm not even done yet" More photos. At last he let me up on the bed. I was sore all over and my contacts were askew. "Don't cry you little bitch." My eyes had only been watering a little, but now I felt like I could actually just start bawling. My inner wiring was breaking down, shooting random sparks from the frayed sections. I was lost. Did you get all your breathing out of the way? Good." He sat bare-assed on my face with his fragrant hole right on my lips. If he'd given me just a little room I would have stuck my tongue up in there, but his full weight was on my face/head. He spread his cheeks and wriggled a little. I think he was trying to get some good shots of this event. I ran out of air again, and slapped at his hips in desperation. "God - you are a fussy little whore tonight. Lost my number, did you? Do you really think I ever believed that bullshit?" Fuck. This could turn out bad. But he finally climbed off of me and laughed cruelly. "Raise your arms up above you. Good. Stay like that." He used my wrinkled tie to bind my wrists together. I remember thinking how lucky I was that he didn't choke me to death with it. "Now just chill while I do some stuff." He left the room and I heard him light a cigarette. Perfect. I wanted one so badly. But I heard him bluster down the stairs. God only knows what he was planning. I had a brief fear that he was bringing that popper-sniffing roommate up here. No. He wouldn't do that. I knew they hated each other. He came back with some gross old kitchen towels, a sofa cushion and a bottle of cheap vodka. He looked at me like I was a sad, broken plaything. "OK, Brian. I'm going to be nice for a few minutes. Don't get too used to it. Here, I'll help you sit up. Need to use the bathroom? Use it now." He untied my hands and let me wobble my way to the bathroom. Could I even go? I just knew I had to avoid glimpsing myself in the mirror. I sat there. A little pee trickled out...and then nothing else. Me and my dick were both confused by all the excitement and fear. A loud knock. "Don't try escaping out the window. It hasn't opened in ten years. Are you done? I'm coming in." He barged in and took another goddamn photo. "Looks like I broke you good." He helped me up. I couldn't believe it -- he'd turned on the fucking TV. I wish I could tell you exactly what was on. Some family comedy or something. Was it over. No. I saw all the props arranged carefully on his nightstand and one of them was a knife!! Oh hell. It was not over by a long ways. "Just relax. I've got the video feature on this camera finally figured out. I'll start after you have some swigs of the alcohol I know you're always craving." He let me handle the bottle on my own and I wasted no time taking quenching sips/gulps. He was filming already. "How's the booze?" "Just fine. Can I have a smoke? Please?" "Oh. You're demanding all the sudden. What a spoiled little slut you are." He was talking for the benefit of the video now. He handed me a lit cigarette. "Oh - Do I have your consent to film you now?" "Yes." "What do you think about being on camera right now?" I took a giant swig of the awful vodka. "Look at him guzzle the hooch, folks." I just wanted to be numb, deadened. Let him be Steve Irwin if he wanted. Or whatever that guy's name was. He was filming a documentary. "And you're fully aware of what's about to happen? About what you're accepting?" No. I wasn't. But whatever. I was spinning. "Yes." "Say it again. Louder." "YES." "So you're agreeable to having sex, anal sex with an HIV positive man with no protection?" "Yes." "Would you say you're too drunk to know what you're agreeing to?" "No. Just drunk enough to admit it." "Explain," "I've been wanting you to bareback me for a long time but you would never do it." He gave me a thumbs up out of camera range. "And you're fully aware of the possible consequences of doing this?" "I am." He stopped filming. "That was very good, Brian." "Yeah...but what the fuck was the interview about?" "My protection. If you start having second thoughts after we're done and want to report me - I'll have some legal protection. One of my buddies from a yahoo group told me how to do it." "Is that why you wouldn't do it before -- because you didn't have a way to film my consent?" "Partly. I also wasn't sure I wanted that kind of responsibility if you became sick. Maybe the ring you gave me was the thing that let me know I could give you this 'gift' and you'd still be with me." I took that opportunity to reach for his hand and kiss the ring again. "Do you want to be on your back? Or on your knees?" "On my back." I said a little too quickly. He chuckled. "That's what I figured. Stand up f or a second and let me arrange stuff." I stood up and he did the most surprising thing: he sucked my dick for about ten seconds. And then he took a long pull off the bottle. "Wow. That's terrible shit." He arranged the towels carefully in the middle of the bed and placed the cushion right above them. He'd brought along a plastic bottle of of lube I hadn't noticed before. He still didn't explain the knife, but I wasn't especially worried now. I took one more gulp of the vodka even though my stomach was already burning. "OK. Get comfortable." He adjusted me a little and let me lie back with a nice pillow under my head. "Want your hands tied up again?" "Yeah. Cool." He picked up my ruined tie and tied them again - a little looser this time. "What about being gagged? Are you cool with that?" He asked in a way that suggested he wanted me to agree to that too. "Yeah." "Excellent. I know just what to use." He looked around and found one of his socks on the floor. He balled it up and stuffed it in my mouth. "How's that?" I nodded. "Good." It was about to begin. He adjusted my bare ass on the cushion a little and then started lubing me up with great globs of the lube, "Damn. You're tighter than fuck, Babe. Try to relax. I should have been having you use a dildo for awhile first. Oh well - that's why I brought the towels." He kept working his fat fingers into me and I thought I could probably handle his dick now. He started up the video and we began. "You're looking beautiful, young man. Ready to get pozzed?" I nodded. But was I? I was. I'd known this would eventually happen. "It will hurt at first...you know that, right?" I nodded again. Oh it hurt all right. But I knew the head of his cock was the fattest part and the rest would be no problem. Magic Wand. He held the camera with one hand and really went for it. I let myself yell because it would be muffled and make his video even better. "Don't fight it...don't fight it. I'm in! Oh yeah, Feels so good in there. So hot inside. Yeahhh." He leaned into me until he was pubes deep. Fuck! It was as close as we could ever get to one another - body and soul. He pumped slow at first and then faster, always with the camera angle in mind. He was really sweating heavily, which I loved but made me wonder if maybe he should get his heart checked out by a doctor. His grunts were deep and loud. There was very little pain now -- just wave after wave of intense pleasure that left me trembling. I'd never forget this --not one single detail. "OK..." He lifted up his torso until he could hold the camera with both hands. He took the sock out of my mouth. "I'm about to shoot my load. You want it?" "Yes. Knock me up, Sir!" "Here it comes...Unnggghhh! Yeah! I'm cumming!!!! Welcome to the club, Sweetheart! We share dna now." He was so wet and shiny with sweat. "Thank you." "Wait. We're not done just yet." He untied my wrists and let me hold the camera. I framed his face perfectly even though my arms were shaking a little. He mugged and smiled like he was Brad Pitt pr something. He reached over for the knife. Oh God. Of all the things he could do - he made a cut on his right index finger. !!!! "This is to make sure you get the virus in case all my little swimmers can't get the job done. He shoved that cut finger into my sore ass and let it stay there for almost a full minute. He took the camera from me so he could get a close-up. EDIT: I have to give Ted credit for never sharing this video online. Unlike a few of the pics, I haven't seen it anywhere on any of the breeding, bareback or related sites. But if you do happen to see it please forward a link to me via this site, Thanks. He let me have the shower first while he went downstairs to tend to his cut. There wasn't all that much blood, really. Just a small red blotch on the top towel that could have just as easily come from the over-eager cut he made to himself. I got cleaned up and had no idea what clothes I could put on now. So I just toweled off and sat in his little living room to watch TV. The evening news. I really loved Clinton. He was the first President I ever voted for (twice). Ted walked in and tossed me some underwear, shorts, socks, and a beat-up pair of tennis shoes. "Here. My roommate left these behind and you guys were about the same size." Sure. They seemed clean. "Where is he?" "Oh, he moved out. He met some guy online - from Iowa, I think - and he just left to go live with him. Didn't even fill two suitcases with his shit. I told you -- I have a knack for driving people away. But not you! You can move in now and we'll fix the place up." Hmm. Was I ready for that? Did I want that? While he showered, I watched some show on PBS about feral children found in the woods. It was absorbing but very sad. I dressed in the clothes I'd been given. It was all a little tight, but the shoes were maybe a size too big. Damn - did everybody in the world have bigger feet than me? I had Mom's feet and they were petite and slender. Ugh. "All clean!" Ted had dressed and combed his hair and possibly put on a little cologne. "We need food, baby!" I was guessing it was around 9:30 or 10:00 based on the news being on. We'd have to get cable if I was going to live here. "Where?" "White Castle! Of course!" That actually sounded good. I felt like a big slob in these clothes but whatever. My face was a little banged up and there was a red toenail scratch on my cheek. Ted drove and we ate inside the place instead of doing the drive-thru because he never ate in his new truck. I swear -- he ate about twenty of those sliders and fries too. I just ate enough to soak up the vodka acid and regain some strength. "We're going to be farting tonight!" He was happy and I was still so full of thoughts. "Cheer up, Brian. We'll stop for some drinks at Pals and say 'hi' to Sammy...and James, if he's still lucid." Perfect. I'd order some top shelf booze to erase the memory of that Walmart Vodka away. 14. LETTING TED GO I can't really say when the beginning of the end started. My job was slowly killing me. I was just another rat chasing after a bigger piece of cheese. The money was great, but my mood was usually foul. I'd sometimes sneak a few of Ted's mental pills without knowing what I was swallowing. Nothing helped. I was miserable. Living with Ted was not exactly easy at first. I ended up buying the house from the owner who was old and only too eager to sell. It was basically a steal. And probably a good investment since the neighborhood was slowly improving as those house-flippers moved in. Work kept me from doing much to the house but Ted assured me he would get things going. He would start projects but never finish them. He would always get bored and move on to something else. Half-painted walls. missing outlet covers, random sheets of stripped wallpaper hanging like peeling skin. I was so exhausted by the time I'd get home from work that I barely even noticed or cared at all. That was another issue. He resented all the time I spent at work because it wasn't time I could be spending with him, kissing his ring and offering up my body. I remember once coming home for lunch and he wanted a nice. long foot massage. This had lost so much of its erotic appeal to me and I went back to work with the smell of his feet on my hands. His sexual appetite never went away. Nor did his desire to take pictures of everything. The abusive part of our play starting going a little too far. All of his frustration with me came out in the verbal assaults and the punches and kicks delivered to my restrained body were his way of coping. He cracked a few of my ribs once. My only outlet was punishing him with my absence. I worked late or spent evenings at Pals. Oh - that's the other thing. He quit working there because his back was bothering him all the time. It was just as well. I had my bar back. I'd spend hours just getting drunk and spilling my guts out to Sammy. "Honey. Maybe it's time to cut your losses. Find yourself something to make life fun again. You once said you liked to draw -- well, pursue that somehow. Start a website. Take some classes and meet some new people." "I let him infect me with HIV. What;s the point in doing any of that now?" "Shut the fuck up. I've been poz for almost fifteen years now, Lester for over twenty and the treatments are getting better and better. You've got a good doctor and good insurance and that makes all the difference," "I should have never gone back to that company. I'm going to put some feelers out there for something else." "One more drink and then I have to cut you off. I'm not going to let you sit here night after night and become another James." I ended up going over to Rick's house and spending the night. Ted never asked about those nights I didn't come home. He knew the score because he'd lived through it before. I was moving away from him just like all the other men in his life had. I was miserable, mad and disappointed but I had no idea what he was feeling because I never bothered to ask. I was an asshole, but I felt every bit entitled to be one. 15. TED DISAPPEARS I had spent most of the night at Pals and cried into my boilermakers. I was feeling sorry for myself full-time by then. Sammy had all but given up trying to put me on another path. I went home and slept on the couch with the TV on. I didn't hear Ted clomping around and had to wonder if he hadn't decided to spend the night out somewhere for revenge. I didn't care. I really didn't care. I woke up and it was morning already. Shit. I wouldn't be going in to work today. I no longer had to ask for days off. I just called my personal assistant and told her. "Might as well. Nothing's getting done here today anyway." "Why?" "You haven't seen the news this morning?" "No -- I've been sick all night and..." my eyes moved to the TV screen and one of the world trade center buildings was collapsing in great clouds of ash and smoke. What the fuck? I hung up the phone and watched in horror. It was an attack. It was Pearl Harbor live and in vivid color. Ted always slept until noon but he needed to see this. Gone. His bed was there but almost nothing else was. He left trash and one bathroom towel hanging over the shower curtain rod. He must have packed and moved on while I was gone the previous day or night. I went downstairs and there was no sign of any of his stuff. Except. Except for the ring. It was on top of a little sheet of paper. A note. Brian - I'm not leaving you. You left me a long time ago. His truck was gone. There should be a new word for when grief and relief are combined. And add in a mix of 'not surprised'. I had the TV and the horrific events of 9/11 to distract me for the next 24 hours. But I ultimately had to shut it off and go to Pals. Sammy had shut off the TV there as well. Lester was there and as well as James who was nearly coherent. It was a sobering day in every way possible. Sam had shots already poured for us. "They didn't actually attack the white house - they got the pentagon instead. I had to turn it off. They won't know anything for sure for a day or two. Playing hooky again?" "Yeah. Ted took off...I mean - he left. For good." "Well - it's not like I expected you to bring any good news. but Jesus!" He poured us two more shots before we'd even touched the first ones. "How you feeling?" "Not sure yet. You already knew it was headed for this." "Yeah. But it still hurts, You can mourn for everything you hoped it would be and never was." "I've already passed through most of that." I downed the shots quickly. 16. SIX MONTHS AGO So much time has passed. So many things are different. Rick eventually moved in with me and took over renovating the house. He just turned 63 and still gets up every morning at dawn and gets to work on one of the houses we're flipping. That's what we do now. I retired from my old job after I was diagnosed with chronic heart failure. There's not much they can do for me now. Rick wants me to get on a transplant list, but I've nixed that. I've lived my life...mostly as a jerk, but I like to think I had some good moments. James died. Lester died. Sammy is still alive and kicking and doing volunteer work for an animal shelter. Ronnie got married to some foreign doctor and lives in Ireland now. Her kids are cute. I would every so often try and Google Ted, but he had a pretty common first and last name and so the searches were pointless. I'd started an Instagram account for Rick and I's business and tried searching for Ted on there. Bingo! I found his profile picture. He was at least 450 pounds with a full white beard and glasses. He was smiling at least. It was a private account. I put in a request to follow him but still haven't been permitted. It's OK. At least he's alive and still finding a reason to smile. END

Hey Kinky, I love being recorded while getting fucked! There's some turn-on to it by doing so. I dunno, maybe it's like having an audience which I also like. Have posted several of the videos to Xtube (same screenname), want to make more. OINK!

Bit different for me. Bottom's profile I usually consider are those where the bottom clearly describes himself as insatiable cumdump. I want you to show me you're a fucking slut. You better be a no loads refused kind of guy, ready to take on multiple dicks. I want to hear your hunger for cum, your lust for dicks. I want to know I am going to fuck a greedy whore, ready to do anything to please me and others. If you top that with a cum leaking mancunt pic, then you're surely going to catch my attention. Make me want to breed you slut!

Arriving at Fort Troff Manifest4U in Atlanta on Saturday night I had no clear intentions for the evening, other than to cum hard. My visit to the sling room revealed a mix of fucking and fisting scenes, some of which were hot and drew me in. After that I walked back to the entry hall and saw two of the hottest guys ever taking off their street clothes to reveal matching backless singlets, one in red and other other in blue. I observed them from time to time being approached aggressively by guys and politely brushing them off as they were just getting acclimated and their front pouches weren't even swelling yet. As they were warming up, I found myself next them and started whispering to each of them individually. The guy in red was 30, blonde (with a soft blonde beard), sunburned, inked and muscular with super broad shoulders. The guy in blue was 22, brown, swarthy, clean shaven, muscular and sported two recently pierced nipples and a small gauge PA. Both said they were just friends but I sensed they were developing feelings. I noticed that blue guy liked it when red guy nuzzled his neck so I took my place on his other side and he reached for my cock, which was positioned behind him. Once he started pushing his muscly ass back against me I started aiming for his hole. After blue and red guys conversed, blue guy said I could fuck him with a rubber. Willing to play it his way at first, I bagged up and while applying lube, I noticed that his beautiful ass was already creamy and he admitted getting bred earlier by red guy as they anticipated the event. After fucking him for a few minutes with a growing audience, I asked if I could fuck him raw like red guy did. He said yes but that we'd have to do it in private because he did't wan't anyone to see him get fucked BB. We found a stall with a door and walked, then he handed me a rubber. I slapped it to the floor, spun him around and started kissing his neck again from behind. With this he said that I could fuck him raw if I would pull out to cum and if he could fuck me after. I would have said yes to anything at that point and entered him gently. He whimpered a lot and said he was new to bottoming but loved it. Once his ass was stretching comfortably around my raw cock he started to push back and urged me to pound him then pull out. I could hear my balls slapping his ass, feel my hips rebounding off his bodacious ass muscles and without thinking about it my hands started punching his hot triceps which were bigger than expected on a slim guy. I was so attracted to him that my cock felt like it was on fire. I told him that i wanted to plant my five-day load soon and he said that he wanted it but I should pull out. As I kept thrusting in him i said that I was going to cum soon and that he would get creamed unless he told me to pull out now. He begged me to keep fucking him every time I said I was close to blasting my five-day load. We were both moaning when the pulsing started deep inside me and was soon flooding inside him. After the bliss started to subside I asked him if he wanted to go and clean up. He said no, it's your turn to take my cock. I was surprised but a deal is a deal. I had cleaned out before but not pre-lubed so I left to get my ass greased up. When I came back he was in the next stall which had no door. He spun me around this time and aggressively stabbed my tight unused ass with his huge thick pierced raw cock, my first PA fuck. I saw stars but I there was a growing audience watching so I swallowed my screams. In the audience were red guy and others who I had topped before, all watching me used a BB cunt. Little did they know that my load was swimming deep in him while he did it. I received an intense but quiet fuck and started to feel warm inside as he ripped my hole wide open. I reached back to tweak his sore pierced nips thinking it might make him cum faster/harder before my ass was totally destroyed. I felt stimulation from the PA but was not sure if he came in me until we headed down the hall to clean up and I felt his load running down my legs. After more action topping different guys, I came upon the red and blue backless singlet guys again in a room and we had some more fun nuzzling and whispering. I held red guy in place as a fourth guy came in the room and started fucking him. Then I held blue guy in place while red guy fucked him. Blue guy told red guy that he was fucking in my cum, which didn't seem to deter their budding romance at all. I'd love to get in the middle of these guys again and see how their romance is developing.

Barenekkid, You know that raw slutty guys can attract other raw slutty guys very quickly, especially in dark rooms! Must be something in the air - LOL! OINK!

Jess' birthday was in September. Thad and I made it a special for him with a gang bang after which we locked his cock in a chastity cage, which we decided wouldn't won't come off him M.A.L. in January. We were on a tight schedule for Folsom Street Fair as Thad my BF had to catch a flight to Vietnam and Jess had to be back in school. We left NYC on late on Friday and were staying at Max's place which is a few blocks from Mr-S. Max took my fisting cherry when I was 19 at I.M.L Saturday we took Jess to Mr-S, leaving him there as I went to buy some toys. Jess seemed happy looking at all the eye candy, getting himself gawked over, and being grouped as he was fresh meat. As Jess was not yet 21, there were only a few places we could take him, but still he had fun. Still, the real fun would occur on Sunday. If you have never been to Folsom Street about 250,000 people, show up and do almost anything you want on the street in public. Jess spent some time in the puppy mosh pit having a blast. At one point we asked Master Tiano to flog Jess, after which, his ass and back being bright red from the flogging, and while still on an endorphin high, we took Jess to the sidewalk. It was time for Thad and me to have some fun with Jess. We pulled out his pup tail and started to fuck him as Max came by and asked if he could get his dick sucked by Jess, with the result Jess was spit-roasted and gagged on Max's dick, which was pierced with a P.A. When Max asked if he could dump a load into Jess I reasoned "Why not? Maybe one day Max will have end-up with his hand up Jess' hole, perhaps even as deeply as Max's had had been when he fisted me.

So before I head to my local bathouse I post online that I'm heading there to take loads on some local boards to drum up some attention. One guy in particular I see checking out my posts is a big black handsome gentleman. I've seen his photos and when I see him at the bathouse he never acknowledges me or even says any words or eye contact, very mysterious even when I say hello. One time I got there, got naked and showered to keep cool in the hot darkroom and I ended up following my mysterious friend into the darkroom. I get lots of guys feeling my ass and cock, a few guys stick their cocks in my hole and a few fuck me against the wall. Then I feel my big black gentleman come up from behind me and put an arm around my chest and grab my shoulder and pulls me close to his warm body. I feel his other hand rub and grab my smooth hairless ass cheeks, balls and cock. He slowly inserts a finger one by one into my already used hole. He has some lube or sometimes uses his spit to get my hole even wetter while holding me tight against his body. I feel other men also feeling my ass and cock. Sometimes a mouth is on my hard cock as he's fingering my hole. Other times other men start fucking me. I cannot get away as he has total control of my body. Sometimes as I get fucked as he milks my cock with his hand. I am usually about to squirm and bust a load right there and then but he still has control. I feel other men unload inside me as they do he fingers my hole and pushes their loads back inside, sometimes letting me lick his fingers before another cock get deep. He never fucks or sucks me and won't let me work his cock. He just controls me to the point of exhaustion! When I leave the darkroom I feel spent and satisfied to the point of happiness. I shower to cool down and then head back inside to get captured again by my big man and lent out to as many cocks as he can find that night in the dark.

I’m sorry, but this now sounds like a problem entirely of your own making. You do not paint a picture that inspires sympathy. Judging by your account, you calculatingly used another boy for his friendship and then threw him away when you felt you had grown better than him. You mock the fact that he developed an attaction to you (that will clearly be unrequited), and cruelly throw it in his face by taking meaningless anon cock right in front of him minutes after you walk right past him. Please disregard my earlier advice. The kindest thing that you can do is tell him plainly that you’re an asshole who only ever used him and now wants him to fuck off. That way he can be free of you and move on, hopefully, to find someone who appreciates him.

Oh dude your is one of the hottest stories I have ever read here. I am really envious of you. Anyway if I’m exhausted or fighting with too much stress I feel the same. Being pounded with no mercy, bred and so on. While I am feeling as a slut, my bad feelings and the work stress disappear. Therefore I am not alcoholic or drug addict but sex addict whore, is always hungry for cocks and loads.

I was 17 and just learned to drive. Borrowed my Mums car and drove out to a well known cruising area in my town - a nasty public toilet. i hung around for a while and these two really old guys - late 60s maybe - we’re hanging around too. I pipped up the courage to go in to the urinal and was followed in by them. They stood either side and felt me up before I ended up on all fours in the open space taking old man cock. i asked if they were doing me safe and they said that I should have said before as I was taking it raw like a good boy should. They both came and I was sloppy wet begging them for more but they were too old to get it up again. Ended up hanging around and taking a very sexy younger daddy who couldnt believe how wet I was. hot day?

Rolling off of Alex and stroking his furry chest, Blackie said, "Honestly, I'd rather sniff sweaty pits and pubes than poppers! A man's musk gets my cock harder than artificial chemicals and you got a potent musk that's downright intoxicating! I think it's a good time for booty bumps! Do you like it from a rig without a point or some shards up your ass? You're my guest, so the choice is yours!" With a broad grin, Alex said, "I totally agree with you in sniffing sweaty pits and pubes! Poppers fuck with my sinuses, so I haven't used them in years! Aside from toilet paper and the cleanout hose, I don't like anything artificial up my ass, so feel free to put some shards up there. Of course, when I'm bumping a guy, I like to taste his ass on my finger after I remove it! Before we bump, there's something you need to know! I love eating ass and it's earned me the nickname Rimbo in piggy circles! Look at this tongue!" He said, sticking it out and wagging it suggestively. "I've been known to rim guys to climax, so if you feel you're about to cum, get your ass off my face and your cock in my mouth! Cum should never be wasted!" "Having a long tongue is like having a long cock, unless you know what to do with it, it's useless!" Blackie said. "Given the way you kiss and what you do to my pits and feet, it's obvious you got mad skills! Lift your legs up and get ready to be bumped!" He said, licking his index finger and dipping it in the bag of shards. "Five should do the trick!" Alex grabbed his legs behind his knees and Blackie squeezed his finger up Alex's ass, gently twisting it as Alex's butt muscles contracted, absorbing the meth. The all too familiar burn was actually a comfort to Alex, knowing what he'd feel soon. Removing his finger from Alex's ass, Blackie brought it to his mouth and sucked on it briefly. "Damn, that tasty ass is gonna be fine to eat and fuck! My turn!"

My motto connecting to this theme: the more the merrier. Two raw cock in my both holes. And as the fucker pushes me forward, go the other cock deeper into my throat. Perfect

PART 6 I spent the whole drive over shaking I was so nervous. Over and over i told myself to just turn around and what what was I thinking risking so much? The first time I didn’t know til it was too late , but this was different. And I couldn’t pretend to myself it wasn’t. My hard cock and hungry ass were leading me, overpowering every thought I had to just get away! There was no hiding it, Tim had told me flat out. He was hiv positive, poz as he called it. And he didn’t use condoms. And he had no intention of pulling out. And I had seen that huge cock and knew how deep it could be when he came. And I had seen those giant cum producing balls. He had to shoot a massive load. He will fill me up with it, his sperm. His HIV positive sperm. Spurt after spurt, his cock all the way inside me erupting. And fear took more of a backseat. I was a horny as hell 18 year old that had just discovered bottoming and had done it with a hot experienced hung top. And he had fucked me bareback and cum in me my first time. I couldn’t help wanting more. And I knew how amazing Tim was, how he had made it feel so good, had made me so hungry for cock and so wanting to be a proud gay bottom. A bareback bottom now, on my way to see him again. Still shaking, I rang his bell and he answered obviously nude and obviously knowing it would be me knocking. “I’m so glad you are here. I have thought about that hot ass so many time these last few days. And the way that mouth felt on my cock. And the taste of your asshole. Wanna go straight up?” He welcomed me shutting the door. Nodding eagerlly at home he responded by leading me up to the room I had been in before. This time, I was tearing at my clothes, my cock like steel already and eyes focused on Tim’s already hard meat. Naked, I fell to my knees and licked the shaft from the base to the head, before swirling my tongue around the big mushroom head. Tasting precum, I lost my self and opened wide and took as much as I could. Concentrating on relaxing my throat, I tried to take more and more burn woukd gag occasionally and have to back off. I was trying my best to please him, to be a good cocksucker. “Fuck yeah”, he growled, “that’s so good. Suck that fucking dick. Get it ready. I’m gonna fuck you with it in about 30 seconds.” I grew every more eAger in my sucking, wanting to show my enthusiasm for what he said. “Get up, get on the bed on your back and pull your legs up,” he ordered as he reached for his lube and applied some to my hole and to his cock. Standing over me, his cock head an inch from my starving hole, he looked down and asked me, “what’s my boy want? Does my boy want me to put my cock inside him right now?” “Yes! Fuck yes”, I cried out. “There’s no condom on this cock”, he whispered as he began to tease my hole by rubbing the tip against it. “No condom. No condom.”, I repeated in an almost begging tone. He was driving me to the edge, making me want him so badly. “Should I pump all of my cum Into your hole when I shoot? Should I give you my sperm when we both know I am hiv positive? What do you want?”, he whispered as the pressure on my hole gradually increased. “I want you to cum in me, fill me up with it! All of it! PleAse just please fuck me til you cum!” I whimpered. With that, he pushed in and i I felt that piercing pain followed by a dull ache as my almost virgin hole tried to relax. He gently worked his big meat into me, slowly rocking his hips pushing deeper and deeper. Then starting to take longer strokes as my breath became gasps and I started losing myself to the sensations of pleasure in my hole. It wasn’t long til I was lost. The only thing on earth that mattered was Tim and his huge cock and me and my tight little hole. We were connected. Eyes locked, him grunting and huffing as I began to feel my breAth knocked out with every deep stroke. His ball were now slapping against me when he drove home and I reveled in knowing he was in me ball deep. I was taking all of him. Raw. He was pumping hArd and his thrusts began to pick up speed, his ups bucking erratically. I recognized this from last time and concentrated on trying to take every single bit of that cock inside me while squeezing and miliking it. “Fuck yes, squeeze that fucking cock Chris. Earn that load. Tell me you want it. Tell me you want my sperm in you.” He grunted. “Fucking please cum in me. Please cum in me. I want it in me. I want your cum all inside me. I won’t let it leak at all. Please!” I begged him. “Big poz load. Gonna give it to you. Fucking dump that cum deep inside you.!” He muttered between clenched teeth as he was slamming into me. “Yeah. Big load. Big poz load. Inside me. All of it. Poz load inside me. Poz load inside Me.” I just kept saying it. Then I felt it his pace grew ever faster and then he drove deep and collapsed onto me and i felt that huge rod pulse and throb as his sperm entered me and splattered into my guts. I squeezed and milked it and wrapped my arms around him to hold him insode me. The throbs slowly ebbed and he pulled back up and looked down at me. My stomach was covered in my own cum? I had shot without touching myself. He made no move to pull out and I made no attempt to back off it. Instead I looked up with a guilty grin and knew inside there was no way I could stop doing this. Getting fucked without condoms and taking Tim’s cum. It was like a drug. I was already hooked. What was I gonna do now? This is crazy! But fuck his cum is in me and that thought still scared me but it was turning me on more. A lot more.

i have taken several thousand loads from hundreds n hundreds of men.i often take over a hundred loads in a good week with lots of good bathhouse breeding.half the guys in this city have fucked me raw

over 200 loads; mostly neg (or claiming to be) about 50+ undetectable and about 25 known neg

It is funny, this question. Did I chase, ya I guess I did. When I was first diagnosed I was in the hospital with double pneumonia. Sick as a dog and did not know what was happening. But the thrill of the chase was always hot to me. Taking anon loads not knowing what was in that load. Was always so damn hot to me. Do I get off still thinking about those loads, looking at those wasted bods, biohazard tats. Fuck yes I do. Do I want to be that sick again, not really but the idea of taking some sick fucks load, yep I love it. Am I a bit perverted craving toxic loads? Big questions I have no answers for. But it does make me hard and it does not bother me being poz.

Part 3; I held onto the sling chains, rattling as I quickly thrusted. I can usually fuck for a long while, and if close to cumming I can navigate my way to frequently holding out. I felt myself getting close, yet on this rare occasion I didn't desire to keep on going, so, I just let it happen, and with that I started to grunt as my weapon unleashed it's toxic material. I went and fetched the twinks pants, and got him some of my old lounge trackies, an old T-shirt and some thick socks. I dressed him, and took him into the main house. 'Right, let's sort you out sexy'. I took his temperature, ... 38.7c. I made him some plain toast with butter, and a Lemon/Honey drink with a few Paracetamol, just to take the edge off his Fever for at least a few hours. We were sat at the kitchen table, kicking back for a bit when his face started to have a strained look... 'Are you OK?' 'I just had an urge to fart Daddy, and now my pants feel wet' 'OK, get up and bend over the table, let me take a look' I pulled down my trackies he was wearing, and his pants. Sure enough, a big blob of my sperm was sitting in his underwear. 'Don't worry son, you've naughtily dropped some of Daddy's cum'. Bit by bit I scooped it up and fingered it back inside him. Hmmmm, I needed a way to make sure it didn't drop back out again. I went to the Garage and got the lube and 2 dildos, a small and a medium, and slowly pushed my cum deep into his cunt walls, whilst opening him up for more play. It was just gone 9.30pm when the door knocked. I'd seen the clock on the way to the Garage earlier, and remembered it was 9pm, so, I had be playing with his ASS since 'spunk drop' for around 30 Minutes or so. I suddenly realised who it was. It was Phil. Phil is a mate of mine, much like me, full blown and high viral load, and we occasionally play together. We're both Tops, but we seem to like recharging one another. I let him in. 'Phil, remember the neg twink I was telling you about, who I slammed the other day?' 'Yeah' 'He's here now, sero-converting, and bent over my kitchen table as I had to push back in my sperm which fell out' 'Let me see' ..... *He marched in* Fucking 'ell, HOT' Phil was a biker, and still in his full gear he pulled his Leather trousers and pants just below his hips, revealing his Dick that was already fully erect, showing off the piercings he had running down the entire length of underneath his shaft (Jacobs Ladder), and slammed in, no lube! The twink let out a high pitched 'OUCH' ...

About a year ago I was in DC, met an older black guy on A4A that wanted to fuck raw. He came over, I sucked him hard then he started fucking me. He seemed a little hesitant and thought he wasn't into me but he said everything's cool. He was fucking me kneeling on edge of bed and suddenly asked if I ever let someone piss up my ass--I hadn't. He asked if he could and I said yes, and he did a little, kept fucking then pissed a little more. It really turned him on and he started humming up my ass, it was intense. My head's spinning trying to think some of his piss is up there too. He pulled out, zipped up and left. I tried holding it awhile but after about 15 minutes had to let it go, hated to cause I like keeping cumloads up my ass. Another time sucking off a guy in a park one night, fucking my face pretty good and occasionally my mouth would be wetter than usual--thought nothing of it. This went on for awhile, kept happening, he pretty much said nothing but called me a pig occasionally. "You like being a pig? You like getting between a mans legs and taking his dick, pig?", he said as he got harder. Then my mouth got much wetter--at first thinking it's cum but realized it's too thin. I started swallowing which only turned him on morel, his death-grip on my head pretty much making me swallow. Then he came tons and i keep swallowing, and surprised I took piss in my mouth. H went soft in my mouth I'm nursing on his softening dick. I said that was really hot, can we meet again to do more? He looked down at me staring, ran his fingers into my hair then pulled my head back a little not violently but definitely assertive, and with a smile said "you dirty fucking pig", spit on my face, then raised his foot to my chest and pushed me to the ground and walked putting his dick away. Hot drunk college-aged guy.

Damn. As a preacher's kid, I wish I had been lucky enough to have had a neighbor like that! Hot story! Keep up the great work!

Part 4 My whore just lay there on the dirty matress barely moving after his brutal poz fuck. I sat there looking at him while I smoked a cig. "Roll over and show me your cunt!" I ordered. Cory immediately did as told, grabbing his ankles, spreading his legs apart, showing us his red, oozing, fuckhole. We just laughed at the slut. "He minds well." commented Andre. "Yea," I said, "he already knows there's no use in disobeying me." Standing up, I spit on his face, followed by the other two men. "You wanna sell him today man?" Asked Andre. I know a few guys who would pay for some nice teen pussy." "Hell yea I do! No since wasting time. But I wanna film it. They can wear masks, but I wanna get his whole birthday on film to sell. Any poz guys?" "Yea, a couple. How much you selling him for?" "Since he's fresh, even though his pussy is already sloppy, we'll go with $50, but they can be as brutal as they want." "Aight, I'll get the word out now, shouldn't take long." And it didn't. His first official john showed up within an hour. I made sure Cory got another big slam before I turned the guy loose on him. I had the camera set up to catch the action so I wouldn't be in the room to impede the festivities. We just handed the guy a ski mask and let him in the bedroom. We sat in the living room, smoking a fresh pipe. Soon we heard Cory getting beat, his screams making my own cock stir in my jeans. Not too long later the guy came out of the room, handed me $50 bucks and left. I could hear Cory sobbing into the matress. "That's some fucked up shit man." laughed Andre. "Yea I know, but it's hot." I replied. The scene repeated itself many times over the next few hours. The fourth guy used his belt to blister my whore's ass real good. We could hear every time the leather was laid into him, followed by a loud scream from my son. After each john left I would inspect my property to make sure he wasn't seriously injured. But other than welts and bruises, he was alright. By the end of the night, I had $700 bucks in my hand. I gave $300 to Andre, since he was basically acting as a pimp that day. So I figured $400 for sitting on my ass and smoking was pretty good. We went into the bedroom where Cory just lay face down on the matress. His body covered in the marks of his abuse. His ass had severe welts on it, as did other parts of his body. Bruises covered his arms and legs, his face a dark red from repeated slappings, and the beginning of a black eye. He looked like a real roughed up prison bitch. But we weren't finished with him yet. We stripped off our clothes, my cock rock hard looking down at my fucked up son. I laid down on the matress and grabbed Cory, pulling his body on top of mine. With no effort, I rammed my cock up his cunt, it was so loose and wet. He just moaned as I entered him. Andre moved in on top of his back, and lined his cock up to Cory's hole, and forced it in next to mine. Cory just threw his head back and squealed at this new intrusion on his already ripped and sore hole. Andre just powered in, burying himself to the hilt, then started power fucking my son. I just laid there and let him do the work. "You like that boy?" I spoke into Cory's ear. "Tell me son. Tell me you love it. Tell me you are Daddy's whore. Thank me for your birthday presents." "Thank you Daddy," Cory panted, his mind and body too fucked up to resist anything. "Thank you for my birthday. I love you Daddy. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me." He just repeated that over and over. I knew I totally owned him. Andre must have fucked him for 20 minutes before he blasted another load in my son. As soon as he pulled out, Jamal took his place. Cory's hole offered no resistance, accepting the log right up his trashed out hole. Cory just moaned and begged to be fucked more. I grabbed his head and planted my lips on his neck, sucking as hard as I could. Soon I left a dark red mark, and moved to a new spot. I bit down, breaking the skin and tasted blood. This sent me over the edge and I started fucking his pussy hard with Jamal. Soon we were both dumping two more loads in my sons wrecked mancunt. 22. That's at least how many loads my whore took that day. Watching later what I had taped was so hot, watching anonymous men beat and fuck my son, I couldn't wait to get it edited and online for sale. I knew plenty of sick fucks would pay well for it.

was introduced to it at a young age and have Loved it ever since! Although i do fuck pussy as well. if i slide a finger in your cunt while you're giving me head and your hole is loose. Im breeding it!

Cable part V After mooning around all morning and worrying about what I had done yesterday and playing with my own ass trying to calm the sensations that were still there, I jumped in the car and headed to the doctor's office. What the hell had I done anyway, what was wrong with me? Never even thought about a guy for sex and then let two of them fuck me bare and cum in me and then they were both poz. What would happen if I did catch it, what about my wife and family. I was torn to pieces with worry now, no matter that it had felt amazing and been about the best sex I had ever had. I could never meet a gay guy again, I knew, without remembering and now knowing what they went through and how it could feel. I was able to get right in to the doctor. When he came in was a problem though. How could I explain this to him. I somehow got it out and hoped he could understand some of my gibberish as I could hardly talk about it and must have almost sounded like a fool to him. To my surprise though he seemed a little amused but mostly concerned. He did a little checkup and some other tests and then wrote me up a prescription for the PEP. He said to start it immediately and don't miss any for the next 30 days and then check back and we will run some more tests and then again in about 3 months or so to make sure. I went home with my new prescription and took a dose and then had to find a good hiding place for the rest as I surely did not want my wife to find it. I now felt I had everything under control and could relax and go back to my regular straight life. For the rest of that week everything was back to normal except for an occasional tingle in my ass, which I had to sneak into the bathroom to rub and jackoff to a few times. The tingling and memory would not quite quit and go away entirely and only diminish when I played to a tolerable level that I thought I could control completely. Friday came around and my wife's work called saying the one who worked the overnight called in sick and wanted to know if she could do the overnight. Hey, time and a half, sure looks good on a pay check, so she agreed and since she worked 2nd shift it meant I had the entire evening and all night alone. I made plans to just go to a local bar and have a couple of drinks and then home to my lonely bed again as she would not get back until probably around 11 or 11:30 the next morning. I jumped in the shower and got cleaned up and ready to go have a drink. The warm water sure felt good and as I turned around to let it run down my back the warmth ran down the crack of my ass and again the tingling started. I thought, damn, not now, go away but my hand went between my legs and a finger rubbed my hole and soon entered into it. The feeling for some reason was really strong this time and soon I had three or my fingers in me and twisting them about as deep as I could go and my cock was hard as a steel bar again and my other hand was stroking it hard and fast. Too soon it was over as I shot a huge load all over the shower floor. I rested for a minute and then removed my fingers and finished my shower and dressed. I decided I needed that first drink soon so instead of heading clear across town to my regular place I made a beeline for the closest one. It was one I had never been in before but didn't matter to me I just wanted a drink to calm down a little. I entered and immediately knew why I didn't go to bars much anymore as the sound of what passed for music anymore hit me from a way the hell too loud system. I made a almost dash to the bar and grabbed the first stool available. I ordered my drink and drank about half in one gulp. Wow, tasted so good and now I felt almost human again. LOL I turned around on my stool then to take a look around. It was the usual nondescript bar you see in almost any town. A bar, a few tables and some booths on one side and a couple of pool tables at one end. Didn't see anyone I knew at all so turned back to the bar and started to watch the TV above the back bar that was showing a football game of teams I didn't really care about but it was sports. After about a half hour, I am a slow drinker, I ordered another drink. I had just started it when someone sat down beside me. I turned my head to take a look to see who sat down and was greeted by a huge smile. My mouth dropped open and sure enough it was one of the cable guys from the other day, the first one to be exact. He said hi, how are you doing? I couldn't even speak at first, but my ass and cock immediately both twitched and my cock started to inch up. What the hell is all I could think. He again spoke wanting to know if I remembered him or not? I finally found my voice and told him that I did but the words came out almost garbled. He kind of grinned at my confusion and then leaned towards me and asked how I had enjoyed the other day. I told him it was pretty good. He then said that if I wanted some more to just say the word and he would be glad to oblige and his partner was over playing pool and he was sure he would love to also. He leaned my way again and told me they had talked about it all week long. How they had really enjoyed fucking my virgin hole and filling it up with their toxic juice. It had been a long time since they had had that tight of a hole to use. I was totally flustered by what he was saying and the twitching and feeling in my ass and cock were driving me crazy. He went on to tell me they had got ahold of another guy just a couple of days ago and both had fucked him all night long. He was pretty sure that guy would convert too and laughed good and loud about it. He said they hadn't told that guy they were poz so he would get a big surprise later. I could barely take another sip of my drink as my hand was shaking so much. I said it had been a nice time but I had went to the doctor the next day and was now taking meds to stop the HIV from taking. He was really surprised by that and told me he thought I had enjoyed what we had done and was going to convert since I had also let his bud do me too. He got up then and headed to the back of the bar and I thought that would be the last I saw of him. A few minutes passed and I got up to go to the restroom. I went in and it was small with only two urinals side by side with no partitions. I went to the far one and as I started to take a piss the door opened and the second cable guy came in and up to the other urinal. He pulled that big cock of his out and I could not take my eyes off of it at all. I was done peeing myself but just stood there watching his cock drain. He turned to look at me and then downward where my own cock was now hard and standing straight up almost. I glanced up at him nervously and he smiled and then turned my way as he finished and kind of shook his cock at me. I couldn't help myself as I reached for it and took it in my hand. It started growing as I had to stroke it and soon was at its full size and pointing, it seemed directly at my face. It was beyond me as I leaned forward and took it in my mouth and started to suck it. He moaned and told me that really felt nice and he knew his bud was wrong when he had told him I didn't want them anymore. I sucked him for about 5 minutes and then he pushed me off of it and told me we had better get out of there before someone came in and caught us like that. As we left the toilet he was telling me he just knew I had liked the other day too much to not want more and he sure wanted some more of my nice tight ass. I told him what I had told his bud that I was taking the meds to prevent what they had. He just smiled and told me that he was sure if I would just listen to my own body, that I would go home and dump the meds out and just take their gift and enjoy myself more. I almost collapsed on the bar stool as I was shaking so much and he proceeded back to his pool game. I started to watch the game again and was sipping at my drink again. I hadn't noticed but there were very few people left in the bar now even though it was a ways from closing. As I was just finishing up my drink the two cable guys came up and sat on each side of me. I could hardly gulp the last couple of drops of my drink down with the lump that formed in my throat and the thoughts that flashed through my mind of the other day. They both reached out and put a hand on each of my legs and slowly rubbed their way up to my crotch and then one hand was feeling my balls and the other stroked my cock through my pants. I was immediately hard and almost came in my pants. The first cable guy leaned over and said his bud told him I had sucked him in the restroom and wanted to know if he could get a little head from me too. I could only look at him and nod my head. He said follow us then and I got up and just followed them out like they had a rope on me. They went out and then around to the side of the bar to a stairway going up. The second guy told me they had an apartment right up over the bar and we could do what we wanted to there. I went up the stairs and into their apartment meekly and could not for the life of me say why. It was just a little apartment with a livingroom, kitchen, bathroom and two bedrooms. They led me into the bedroom and one of them started to kiss me and both were taking my and their clothes off as they traded kissing me back and forth between them. As they kissed me they were running their hands all over my body and rubbing my ass and cock. I couldn't help myself it felt so good and so right. Soon the first guy pulled me over to the bed and laid down on it and pulled my head down towards his cock. I found myself crawling up between his legs and soon his cock was deep in my throat and I was sucking him like my life depended on it. As I was doing this the other guy got behind me and soon I felt his mouth and tongue on my ass as he started to work on my hole. I almost jumped to the ceiling when he started that it was so sensitive. My ass and cock were both just almost jumping of their own accord from the sensations he was causing again and soon he was running a finger in and out of my hole while his tongue licked me and he wet my hole with his spit slicking it up. It didn't take long before I could tell he had me opened up more and then two and then three fingers were in my hole again and I was absolutely bouncing and could not hold still. The cable guy I was sucking was hard as nails and moaning and telling me how good it felt. I was sucking and licking and then would lick my way down to his balls and lick and suck them also. As I started to lick my way down to his balls a second time the guy behind me started to rotate his fingers back and forth in my hole more and then I could tell that is felt different again and then it dawned on me that he now had all four of his fingers buried in my ass and was driving me wild with the pressure on my prostrate. He leaned over me as I was sucking on his buddies balls and told me he was going to get his thumb in my too before he fucked me. I gasped at that but didn't move away and came back to the cock and sucked the entire length of it into my mouth and down into my throat as I felt him put his thumb against my hole and push. It was too much and hurt like hell but with a cock buried in my throat and him behind me I couldn't move nor make more than a gasping noise and then I felt his thumb enter me and his fingers probe further than they ever had before. He said omg I bet if I had more lube I would have my whole hand in there. That is such a tight feeling I can't wait to fuck you again. With that he pulled his hand back and I was empty again and found that it was almost unbearable. I needed my hole filled. It was only a few second though and he drove his cock into me, the entire length in one stroke, making me gasp around the cock in my mouth again. He immediately started to pound my hole hard and fast. He leaned over me again and told me that I should have seen my hole when he pulled his hand away, it must have torn it some when he drove that much in me and was bleeding again and he wanted to cum in me while it was there and make sure that my meds could not help. I couldn't move again when he said that but the feeling in my ass made me suck all the harder and then the first guy said I am going to cum and grabbed my head so I couldn't pull back and started to unload in my mouth. As I got the taste of the first cum other than my own my cock erupted too and the load from it was so intense it hit me in the chin. My ass tightened up from my orgasm and the guy in my ass yelled here it cums as he unloaded his toxic cum deep in my ass and shoved into me as hard and deep as he could. We rested for a bit after that and then they traded places and did me again and with almost the same result as before. I now realized that I liked the taste of cum now too but the best was having my ass fucked raw and filled with their hvl cum. We traded around most of the night then and I ended up with 3 loads from each of them in my ass this time. When I finally was able to stagger into my home, I went to my hiding place and grabbed my meds and dumped them down the toilet. I decided that it was way too much fun getting fucked to worry about that again. About 3 weeks later and after meeting up with the cable guys a few more times, I came down with a terrible case of what seemed like the flu. A trip to the doctor showed I was now positive and another test about two more months later confirmed it. Now, I just wonder how I can break it to my wife and then I also wonder if I should tell her and maybe one time she will break down and let me fuck her again? Who knows what will happen now.

I layed in the sling strapped in unable to move even if I wanted to, in the monitor I could see the butt plug filling my hole. I was in a fog of after sex glow, my cock was rock hard pre cum coating my stomach. My hole felt full, but the butt plug was no substitute for the real thing. I heard voices from the other room, and then in walked my new friend, and another older guy. He was in his late 40's good shape with a smooth chest, and swinging between his legs was the biggest cock I'd ever seen in real life. It had to be 8 inches soft. He came over to the sling and stood between my legs, the other guy stood behind my head and reached out and tweaked my nipples, an electric surge running through them to my cock at just the touch, my arse clamping on the butt plug, I let out another long involunatry moan, "Jesus mate, he is a horny one" the guy between my legs started working the big fat butt plug in and out of my sloppy cunt. "Yeah you gonna fuck my hole?" the sensation of the butt plug popping in and out of my hole was amazing but no substitute for cock. He pulled the butt plug out of my hole and brought it to my mouth, I opened up and he shoved it in, I licked clean the mix of cum and my arse juice, not to mention the "special oil", while I was doing this I hadn't noticed my arm being strapped and another slam being administered, I felt it though, the sting, the warmth, then the rush as I coughed I felt the dude between my legs slide his cock all the way inside me. "Oh fuck yeah, fucking fill my cunt" I had no idea where these words were coming from, but I'd never been this horny before and all I wanted was to get slammed by his big fat cock all night long. As he started to really pound into me old mate behind me started pulling back on the sling, so each thrust would be met by my whole body slamming down onto the cock inside me, "Fuck yeah Mikey this is one hungry hole, you want my babies in your cunt don't you boy?", "Fuck Yeah, fuck my hole, fucking fill me up". He didn't need much more encouragement, and with one final deep thrust I felt spurt after spurt of hot cum unloading inside me, he must have saved up his load for a week or more, cause when he pulled out a river of cum rushed out of my hole, which was now too open to hold it in. Mikey moved from his position behind me, and as the big dicked stud moved out of the way, he knelt at my arse and started licking the cum from my hole, "oh god yeah, eat my hole" His warm tongue probing my worked over hole felt so good and I was still flying from the second the slam, I wished my hands were free so I could stroke my cock. As Mikey finished eating me out a new larger butt plug was worked inside me. They both then left the room, leaving me strapped in the sling, buzzing on chems, and ready for my next cock.

Working hard on Chapters 11 & 12 now. (Not sure why I'm posting 2 chapters each time... guess I just started that way so now my OCD wants me to see that pattern to the end.). :-)

Part 4... Moments later, we arrived at the house. We got out one by one. Jack helped me out of the truck as Chet's fucking had left me weak at the knees and dripping POZ cum down my leg. My boy raced around the car, grabbed my head, and kissed me hard. He reached around behind me and felt my gooey hole. He flipped me around and pressed me onto the hood of the car, right there in the driveway, parted my ass cheeks, and dove in, lapping at Chat's toxic cum as it dripped out of my used hole. He had NEVER rimmed me before and his tongue only made my knees weaker. Chet and Sam lifted me up and laid me down on my back on the hood of the car. My boy climbed up beside me and matched my position. He pulled his legs up and I matched him. Sam crouched by my ass and started lapping as Chet dove into my boy's hole. Jack and Kevin stood by as my boy and I took center stage. Jack peeled Kevin's tight t-shirt over his hairless muscled chest and then pulled down his shorts. Without underwear, Kevin's massive hard uncut cock and huge balls sprang into view. Jack immediately dropped to his knees and started swallowing him to the balls. My boy and I both gasped as our holes were teased by fingers and tongues. “Let's bring this party inside, gentlemen. It's getting cold out here,” murmured Jack, between gulps of Kevin's cock. The two poz studs going to town on me and my boy's hole practically threw us over their shoulders and dragged us inside. Somehow, we managed to make it upstairs to Jack's master bedroom and became a tangle of sweaty bodies, juicy cocks, and sticky precum. After a few minutes of fumbling, Jack, myself, and my boy wound up on our knees with our asses hanging over the foot of the bed. Kevin lined up behind Jack, Sam behind me, and Chet behind my boy. Kevin aimed his dick at Jack's ass as Sam and Chet speared me and my boy. The sounds of man-sex filled the room as the tops did their work. After a few minutes of pounding, Sam pulled out asking, “Think these guys can fuck as hard as they like to get fucked?” “Let's find out!” growled Jack. We all switched places as Jack filled Kevin with his manhood, and I sunk all the way into Sam with one thrust. My boy, who had never topped to my knowledge, thrust into Chet and jackrabbited his ass like a pro. I As I plowed into Sam, I got super hard knowing my boy and I were fucking POZ guys. It then dawned on me that we didn't know Kevin's status. I wondered how well Jack knew this young stud hammering away at his hole. I got my answer. “Fuck me, Kev. Fuck your old man. Fill me up!!!!” Holy shit! Kevin was Jack's SON. “Fill me up with your POZ seed!” Fuck. I was watching a POZ son fuck his own dad!!! “Your son!?!?” shouted Sam, holding his ankles as I fucked him as hard as I could. “I want a crack at that dick!” I pulled out and switched places with Kevin. He slammed in Sam's bare hole as I slid into my boss's guts. Kevin had still not spoken a word, but grunted and growled as he fucked Sam like a pro. “Give it to me. Give me your load,” Sam shouted. “No, I want it!” shouted my boy. He pulled out of Chet and laid down on top of him, ass prone and ready for Kevin. Having taken two poz studs' loads already, it was time for a third's. Kevin pulled out of Sam and thrust into my boy. Three strokes later, he was creaming my boy's hungry hole, shooting his toxic load deep. “Fuck yeah,” he finally grunted. “Want my dad's load too?” “Hell yeah. I want all of their loads.” My boy, what a cum pig. One by one, all of the guys finished off inside my boy. I was so hard I thought my dick would explode. With his hole awash in cum, I slid in last. His hole was sloppy, used, and raw. I knew I wouldn't last long and added my load to his hole in a few frenzied thrusts. As I pulled out, Jack dove into my boy's ass. He lapped up a mouthful of jizz, slid up my boy's sweaty boy, and dripped it, glob by slimy glob, into his gaping mouth. Kevin leaned in and the three of them shared a lewd cummy kiss. With a mouthful of POZ and NEG mixed cum, Kevin started lapping at his father's ass. “Think it will take this weekend, son?” Kevin grinned for a few moments before smiling and saying, “The weekend as only just started. There's lots more to cum.” To be continued?

Part 3... Jack, Chet, and Sam had all fucked my boy over and over before someone suggested we watch the sunset from a private nude beach a few miles away, owned by another of Jack's friends. We pulled on our suits, just for the car ride, grabbed some towels, and piled into Jack's SUV. Jack drove, and my boy sat next to him in the front seat. That left me, Chet, and Sam in the backseat, me squeezed between the two POZ studs. Both of them rested their hands on my thighs as we drove down the bumpy beach road. The vibrations were getting me hard and there was no way I was the only one. I was fully stiff with a wet spot on my shorts by the time we arrived at a closed rustic gate between the dunes. Sam got out and opened the gate and closed it after we'd driven through. We drove a ways further before finally reaching the beach. We stripped, went for a dip and played in the surf for a while. We sat out towels out and made a camp fire as the sun begin to set. It was gorgeous. We talked for a while as the sun went down. The guys reminisced about their college days in San Francisco. They had all fucked around and were shocked to have made it through school without catching anything and celebrated with their tattoos. Jack had gotten married and never explained the tatt to his wife. Chet told us how a boyfriend of his had pozzed him. Chet's boyfriend had been cheating on him bare in the mid-80s in New York and caught the bug then, but didn't know it. After they broke up for other reasons, Chet passed it to Sam without knowing he was POZ. They changed their tatts together some time later. The whole time they were talking, I could tell my boy was turned on. We went for one last dip and the guys took turns making out with my boy in the water. I'm sure all of them slipped their cocks inside him at least once before heading back to the sand. The fire started to die down and the chill in the air told us it was time to head back to Jack's house. My boy was sleepy, no wonder after his long hard afternoon of ass-ramming slutty fun. Still nude, we put fresh dry towels on the car seats, and climbed in. We piled into the car and he took the front seat again, leaning over with his head on Jack's shoulder. I squeezed in between Chet and Sam, their cocks lying on their furry legs. My boy had fallen asleep on Jack's shoulder and was leaning sideways taking up most of the font of the SUV. As we were approaching the dunes, a tanned stud of a boy, not older than his early 20s appeared beside the gate, opened it, and waves us through. Jack rolled down his window and leaned out to kiss him full on the mouth. This guy was beautiful, like a chiseled wholesome all-American Abercrombie model, but way he kissed Jack made me think he had a dirty side. Innocent looks are ALWAYS deceiving. 'Looks like another hunk to fuck my boy,' I thought, wondering if he might be POZ too, who he was, and how he knew Jack. Jack told him to climb on in. “Meet Kevin, guys. He'll be joining us for dinner... and maybe for dessert too... Make some room, back there.” Kevin was clothed, wearing tatty beach-bum board shorts and a tight t-shirt stretched across his bulging pecs, his hard nipples pressing against the cloth. He didn't seem to mind at all that we were all naked. We all squeezed over as Kevin scooched into the truck, but there just wasn't room. Chet hoisted me onto his lap as Kevin got in. I instantly felt Chet's cock springing to life, nestled between my ass cheeks. Kevin didn't say anything, but smiled. As we trundled down the bumpy beach road, I could feel Chet getting harder and harder. I'm sure the road was having the same effect on everyone but it was quiet in the truck as we drove along. After a few minutes, Chet was now fully hard and I could feel my ass getting sticky with his toxic precum. Both Sam and Kevin were looking out the windows, Jack was driving, and my boy was still passed out. I wriggled around on Chet's dick, as if inviting him to make the next move. He whispered into my ear, his hot breath driving me wild. “You want some of my POZ babies too?” I answered by reaching back and stroking his cock. Whenever I'm asked, I tell people I'm 95% top, but tonight my bottom side was definitely turned on. I had felt pangs of jealousy earlier watching my boy take one POZ cock after another, and I was slowly realizing I wanted some for myself. I raised myself up, as the bumpy road helped Chet's aim. One rumble and the head of his cock poked into my tight hole. I quietly gasped with the surge of sudden pain, and Jack looked back at me in the rearview mirror. I'm sure he knew what was going on, but the still-silent Kevin and Sam didn't seem to notice a thing. We rumbled along as I lowered myself slowly, inch by inch, taking more and more of Chet's cock. After what seemed like an eternity, he was fully inside of me, his balls at my ass. The feeling of fullness made me whimper. I gulped for air as the road did it's own work. Chet's breath picked up pace and he was no longer content to just be in me. With each bump, he thrust his hips forward and drove even deeper into me. He picked up his pace and I knew he would soon cum. If I didn't want to take my first POZ load, I needed to pull off now. I couldn't resist staying on his cock, and Chet couldn't resist staying quiet any longer. By now, everyone in the car, except my sleeping boy, knew what was happening. “You gonna take my load, you fucking slut? You gonna let me breed your slutty hole?” “Umm hmmm... Breed me. Breed me NOW!” That woke my boy up. He sat upright and turned around. We locked eyes as Chet fired off deep inside me, pulling my hips down onto his cock and filling me with his poison seed. Chet caught his breath as the car slowed down. We were nearing the house. Chet's cock slacked a bit and he slipped out of my cummy hole. Sam reached over and fingered me. “Looks like now we'll have two bottoms for the weekend. And two POZ cocks to fill them!” Kevin spoke for the first time, saying simply, “Three.” I wondered if he meant bottoms or POZ cocks. To be continued...