tallslenderguy

This is a great discussion, and I can ditto so much of what others have written. Mostly i think it's closeted guys, married or just not secure enough in who they are to act on it yet. I suppose there are a few who simply get off on the fantasy, but my feel is most guys would tire of that and want the real thing eventually, so maybe it's a stage? Like some have alluded to, cruising at an ABS or restroom or place where guys are already present vs online is one way to get around this. Over time, i've even had some regular flakes from places like CL, guys who forget they have flaked on you and go right into their modus operandi. I come from a religious background and there are times when i get flaked on when i am paranoid enough to think that the guy flaking is maybe a religious nut trying to frustrate gays lol. The worst flakes are the ones that go right up to the point of getting your address, but then never show. It's as if their whole goal is just to get your address. One of the things I have taken to doing is telling a hookup the cross streets where i live and then tell them to text me when they get there and i will give them the actual house address, explaining i do it because of flakes. I've never had a real hook up turn me down, but pretty sure I've weeded out a few flakes that way.

Re restroom, that's pretty easy too. The standard initiation is tapping your foot and the guy next to you taps in response. Some guys like to slide over and touch feet if they are unsure, others don't. Guys boldness runs the gamut in my experience. i have experienced where a guy will just slide his cock under without any preamble. Just like the booths, have your ass lubed and ready. i used to slide off the toilet and have my ass more reachable between the stall wall and toilet. Guys will reach under and feel you up, so if your ass is lubed, they'll get the message and if they wanna fuck will often slide their legs and cock under and you sit on it. I've gotten a lotta loads that way. Sometimes you have to initiate by reaching under and feeling them up, going for their cock to show what you want. I've even passed notes, but if you do be careful. ABS buddy booths are safe for sex, restrooms are sometimes patrolled by undercover cops. If you pass notes, that can be used as evidence against you.

I know this is not what you are referring to, but the one time i felt assaulted was when i was arrested in '98 for cruising an undercover cop in VA. They always chose hot looking guys for vice and they would go to known gay cruising places and cruise, it was total entrapment (which they no longer do). We had a full on exchange and when I asked the guy if he wanted to fuck me, he arrested me. The law was a 100 year old sodomy law and it was a felony. It took a year to come to trial, and it cost me a lot of money. At one point the arresting cop actually apologized to me. The judge laughed and reduced it to a misdemeanor, indecent exposure (even though there was no exposure involved, just talk). I've had sex with well over 1000 guys, but that is the only time i ever felt assaulted.

Ditto. Your sex life and how you choose to live it is not a doctors call to make. That doc is seriously unprofessional. He's a healthcare provider, not a god. fuck that and him. edit: Scott, that a doctor would tell you that pisses me off to no end. If you see another doctor like that, tell her/him that they need to stop breathing or touching because they can get an infection that way. They have no right to use their power that way, it's disgusting.

Hi FunCollegeTwink, Yeah, your explanation makes sense to me. I'm really curious to understand the emotional disposition behind chasing. While I have never had the desire to get HIV (though i am poz and fine with it), I am pretty much like a bitch in heat sexually. I use that comparison on purpose, because the drive to get bred seems that intense for me when I'm 'in heat' lol. I have wondered if as bottoms many of us are not wired similarly, as though survival depended on getting pregnant, like a bitch? I've also wondered if the drive to get pozzed is a sort of emotional version of getting pregnant? A lot of guys refer to getting pozzed as getting "knocked up," so i know a lot of guys are making that connection. If gays are an evolutionary variation, it doesn't seem far fetched to me that we might have drives mixed in us that are left overs from a survival drive.

I confess I do not relate to chasing at all, I get no thrill from the idea of getting a disease. I don't see it as "ridiculous" or "selfish," i just don't relate. I do wonder though, since you trace the reason for your desire to risky sex, what happens when/if you become poz and it's no longer risky behavior?

i'm a bottom. i have never sabotaged a condom to cum inside a guy, but i have sabotaged a condom on a top so He would cum in me.

I've definitely evolved sexually. I've never been a size queen, actually a really huge cock is more likely to give me pause than a smaller one (but just for a second). I used to care about looks, but that hasn't been a factor for me for many years now. Now, if i am looking, i'll take whoever wants to service. i look at it as a matter of maturity, but that is just my opinion. The only guy that gives me pause is one who wants to be endlessly served with no intention of cuming. I'm divided on that, because obviously He is getting pleasure, but there seems to be an instinctual part of me that is frustrated if my top doesn't orgasm. i feel like a failure if i do not bring my Top to orgasm. Size is not even on my radar screen when it comes to sex. Cock, or body size for that matter. I used to have a fb (before moving) who cured me of body size bias. He was really large, likely over 300#, and he had a very small cock, prolly not bigger than 3 inches (no exaggeration on either of those). But I really became fond of Him. Most of my sex is anonymous, and it was with Him too. I am usually waiting face down and naked, my favorite position of vulnerable and available. He'd always straddle my thighs, my legs closed, and penetrate me while He was in sitting position. i was always surprised by His skill at being able to get in, fuck and breed. He always left my hole creamy and obviously enjoyed breeding me. That's enough to make me fall in love lol.

I agree and think it's great. I'm a healthcare worker and know that ignoring treatment can put one in a state of deteriorated health the the point they are dependent on others to care for them. I don't ever want to get to that place if i can help it, i cherish my freedom and independence.

I think this is true. Though things are changing, social standards are set by the straight majority. One could argue for monogamy and relationship with sex if the goal is to build an environment to raise kids (though i think one can argue against it too). But how does that argument apply to single or gay people who don't have kids? The only issue i can see with anonymous sex is STD, but i do not think monogamy is the answer to STD's. I think removing the stigma associated with sex is the answer. If people were not shamed for having sex, they would not feel embarrassed or ashamed about getting treated for STD's.

Ive been hooking with guys for 34 years. I've been with well over a 1000 men sexually, but had never slept overnight with a guy till this year. Not that i have never gotten to know guys that i have sex with, but the vast majority of my sexploits have been anonymous. I started out when still married, hooking in restrooms through GH's and under stall walls. It wasn't that i preferred it, but i was closeted and on the DL, so just worked out that way. Even after divorcing though, i find most of my sex has been anonymous. My favorite is anonymous walk in where i am lying face down and never even see the top who breeds me and he only sees my back. I've even had regular fuck buddies who i have never seen. Sex with men has been very separate from social interaction, a huge difference from what straight people mostly have where sex is part of a complex social agreement.

I wouldn't put ABS and sex clubs/baths in the same category. For me, they are very different experiences. I encounter a lot less 'shopping' at ABS and more sex. I guess if we had a dark room in Portland OR that might be different? As it is, there is the visual element at a bath/club, so rules of attraction kick in for many. At an ABS, i typically do not leave a booth the whole time I'm there, lots of GH sex, which often turns into a shared booth, but always initiates through a GH. I also think the guys who frequent ABS are more likely to be 'straight' or Bi, but more closeted... guys who would not go to a gay club because they do not identify as such or want to be identified as gay. I think there is something about the neutral anonymity of a ABS that attracts a very different guy. Not unusual for me to be sucking or getting fucked by a guy through a GH while he watches straight porn. I've never seen straight porn at a bath house.

I find that I like guys who like sluts... since i am one lol. Seriously though, i was the same way, pretending not to be a slut when i was. Then for a while, i went to the opposite end of the spectrum where i flaunted it, now i am just comfortable with who i am. i feel like guys who slut shame are often not the kind of guy id wanna associate with anyway. As to "sloppy holes," i definitely have an opened hole from years of use. i have muscle control, so i can milk, but access is absolutely easier. I don't think tight or sloppy loose is really the matter, but texture and friction. I guess that is affected some by pressure, but i think viscosity has more to do with it.

A Burger King rest room. Not that getting fucked in a restroom is all that "strange," but the whole circumstance of it. I was driving down the street in my beat up pick up truck and a guy pulls up in the lane beside me and glances over. Our eyes meet and he pulled ahead of me and then pulled in my lane in front of me. I followed. He turned off the street and parked in a BK parking lot and walked in without ever looking back. I followed. He went into the restroom. I followed. When I walked in to the restroom, he locked the door behind me, undid my pants and pulled them down, then pulled his cock out, bent me over and slid in. I was dry, so he added a little spit. He came inside me fast, put his cock in his pants and left. Never a word spoken between us. Damn, i love men.

Interesting observations. i have some rambling observations that are similar. i too have found aps to be more successful in remote areas (really remote though). I have hooked from grindr with one guy in 3 years where i live. I was traveling out in the remote parts of Oregon and stopped at a hotel in a tiny town (<5000?) and got 4 or 5 hits on grindr that night. It's a challenging prospect (i.e., developing a hookup site), there are so many factors: looks, position, ability to function, fetish/kinks... the list seems endless. Maybe do something like OKCupid, that matches people based on their answers to questions? Sort of a pre filter? If you eliminated or reduced the process of finding a match, that might be a winner? I live in a smallish town (pop 50k) that's 10-20 miles from other somewhat larger towns (100k). When i lived in larger cities (1m+), sex was pretty easy. In larger cities, CL used to be a great hookup site for me. i never posted on M4M, but always on "casual encounters" and am pretty sure that most of my hookups were with closeted guys or Bi guys. So, the population (i.e. "supply") was greater. I think it's the old issue of supply and demand. Aps have increased supply, and thereby reduced demand. I think the vouching idea is a good one. Or maybe a flake ID? One of the issues we all have is flakes. Maybe have a followup where you could verify that you actually hooked? The problem with having a way to identify flakes and such is that those can be abused by guys who want to knock out the competition. In the last year or so, i have pretty much gotten away from the net for hookup. i may go there to get horned up, but not to actually hook. When i want sex i go to the local ABS. I have never left without at least one hookup and usually get 4 or 5 if i hang a couple of hours. I can spend a whole lot more time than that online and get nothing but flakes. I also go to sex clubs, but find that guys are pickier there than at ABS. I attribute that to the population. I think at sex clubs most of the guys are gay, at ABS you get the closeted or Bi guys on their way home from work or looking for a quickie at lunch. At the sex clubs i run into a lot more tops who do not want to cum so they can draw out the experience... edging. One last rambling thought. If you could make a site (or section of a site?) that removes the issue of looks, that could do a lot. Maybe even call the hookup site: "The Dark Room." A lot of us have gotten to a place where we do not care about looks. When i am horny, if you have a cock that works, i want you. I work out, tall slender guy... it's important to me to be as attractive as i can, but I'm a slut and don't care what my top looks like.

Yep... me too (i.e., only used it once as a bottom). I also tried fucking it and was totally disappointed and can't imagine doing that to a top with my ass. It was a cool idea, but the idea didn't really translate. I will confess to using it a few times with a dildo when fantasizing K9 though, it does have a knot.

The simple answer is "yes," the virus would be in pre-cum just like it is in cum. Maybe a little risk reduction because there is less fluid than with a full on ejaculation, but the virus would still be present. That said, getting on PreP is the bigger preventative with good science behind it. If he is on meds and undetectable, the CDC says you are virtually no risk of transmission.

A little more on this. The shaming culture perpetuates disease. I'm in healthcare, so stay up on a lot of this stuff. There are methods that have been used (and studied) where reward is used to help people stop deleterious behaviors (actually involves monetary remuneration). It can actually be cheaper to pay people to stop smoking, for instance, than to treat the ultimate diseases many develop as a result. Radical thought, what if we paid people to get tested for STD's? Not really suggesting this, what I am trying to provoke is a different thought process, attitude. Why not have the same attitude towards STD's that we did towards polio or small pox? We have cures. STD's are still a huge problem because of how we treat them and the people who might have them. stepping down from the soap box

Ditto everyone else who has counseled get treated first (and tested and treated after if need be). I appreciate your honesty in asking and posting this. The truth is, pretty much everyone going to Folsom could say the same thing, eh? We focus on HIV, but HIV is now the only STD that has scientific study evidence that one can have it and be reasonably confident they will not transmit it (i.e., if they are on meds and undetectable). We cannot say that about chlamydia, gonnorhea, etc.. Imagine if everyone going to Folsom decided to get treated and tested first vs wondering whether or not to? It's kinda strange how our reasoning can be backwards on this, my thinking is it's because we still have a very strong culture out there that guilts and shames people, treating them as 'bad' or 'wrong' or ___________, if they have an STD, so we have an emotional aversion to being tested... it cultivates a culture of denial.

nah. but you knew that already, no? For me, when i am being sub, it's more a matter of attitude and connotation than the labels used. A Dom guy can maybe wrap His mind around understanding it, but probably not His feelings. As i see it, D/s can represent the extremities of yin and yang. In nature, polar opposites attract, the stronger the opposite charge, the stronger the pull. i see extremity in D/s relationship as a fuel of intense attraction. Man/faggot, D/s, M/s....

This is a fascinating topic to me. I've never worn a diaper (as an adult). For me it would need to involve another guy, a D/s type of scenario. I am sub. I have been told by one very experienced Dom that i was the most submissive person he'd ever encountered, which i found hard to believe. i won't submit to just anyone, it's a very cerebral thing for me involving seduction. there's something about using enemas and diapers the push some buttons in me, seems like it could be a real mind fuck.

I ran into a guy yesterday who couldn't get it up, was pretty soft the whole time i was sucking him. I could tell he had anxiety, which doesn't help his cause. I sucked him for awhile, but then when i saw he was just working me and couldn't even seem to cum, i was done. I'm pretty sub, but not so much so that i can forgo the reward of making a guy cum. So, if he cannot get hard, that does not make him less than for me, but if he cannot cum, i see no point. I understand there are Tops out there who just wanna fuck or be sucked without cumming, that's a disqualifier for me, as long as they can have an orgasm, i will find a way to give it to them, soft or not.

I understand guys who want to use them, but for me it's not sex if there's a condom involved, might as well use a dildo. I know that's not accurate, but the barrier between me and the guy is just way to disappointing for me, so I pass.

I think there's some great feed back here. "Too old" can have a lot of different connotations. Does it refer to looks? Functionality? Mental/emotional disposition? I think it can be all or some of those things. Then there is your perspective, and everyone else. If you are convinced you are too old, it's going to be reflected in your disposition. I see a lot of guys who give up (or never worked on) their looks. We have a lot of power over our fitness, hygiene and grooming, no matter how old we get. When I was younger, looks mattered to me in a different way. I still notice how a guy looks and attraction is a factor for me in some respects, but a lot less respects than it used to be. I wouldn't want to marry Santa Claus, but i've sucked him off and been bred by him on more occasions than I can count. I never would have done that when I was younger, and i missed out because of it. I think age has it's advantages if it comes with maturity. I don't breed very often, very sub bottom, but sometimes being sub involves breeding a bottom in need. I've bred some guys through a gh that turned out to be easily in their 70's but still had a sweet hole and were nice fucks.

This is a strange one for me. For years my answer would have been an unequivocal "in the ass." But then this summer i had a short, but very intense relationship with a Dom guy and I've been pretty altered since. My desire to make a guy cum has passed up my desire to be only a cum receptacle. The bottom line for me (so to speak) is the Tops pleasure and orgasm, however He wants it, i get most of my pleasure from knowing and feeling His orgasm inside of me, be it in the mouth or the ass, and knowing that's exactly where He wanted it.