tallslenderguy

Interesting topic ChainedBoy. i appreciate that you qualify "In my view" and "for me," in other words, this is a personal preference, not something you are asserting is a universal rule. i think i sorta feel ya though i am not the same. i am grateful to every Man who shares His cock, and anything that comes out of it, with me. But my gratitude multiplies exponentially when He has sex with my mind and emotions along with my body i love being used for pleasure by a certain type of Dom Top. i am attracted to affectionate Dom's, bullies repel me. i've seen a certain type of D/s dynamic (not saying this is you, idk) where the Dom is looking for an "empty headed plaything" (to me, the Dom looking for that type of sub is equally "empty headed.") Which is not a judgment, i believe most (if not all) of our sexual disposition is emotionally determined, that we're driven by our feelings, not reason. But, i think our minds can really enhance sex. my brain wants to be fully engaged in sex and i love a Dom who has/wants to use His brain with sex. To me, the Dom who says "thank you," i.e., expresses gratitude to and for His sub, is not less of a Dom, but a more fully engaged Dom. When i say gratitude is an "acknowledgement of reality," i feel that one who cannot express gratitude is not fully in touch with reality. To me, gratitude is an expression of strength (not weakness) and also an expression of being at peace with who one is. i feel it's one of the things that divides real D/s interaction from role play. i see D/s as more of a Yin/Yang dynamic, that it is a symbiotic relationship. In its simplest form, i see it as Proton/electron (and neutron versatiles!! lol). i see us as opposites that attract and form a bond. To me, gratitude (from anyone) is an acknowledgment of reality, the reality of our need and dependence on one another; that neither Dom or sub can function without their opposite. When i say gratitude is an "acknowledgement of reality," my feel is that one who cannot express gratitude is not in touch with reality and venturing into role play. Again, that is not meant to be a judgement, it's just something i feel to my core. Which is not to say that notion of superior and inferior cannot play in, but i'm not sure that those terms fit what i am trying to express by their use. For instance, i have been mind fucked by a few Doms where it involved awkward and even humiliated feelings on my part, but the affection of the Dom fucking me made it a mind blowing bonding experience. We were both grateful for the other. i cannot count the number of guys identifying themselves as "Dom" who have approached me and have failed to subdue me because there was no substance in evidence. They wanted me to submit to the idea of D/s, the label "Dom" they were using, but they were not evidently Dom. The most amazing Dom i have ever been with never even used the term "Dom," He just was. He was hugely affectionate and full of praise for me, and had me doing things i have never done before with everything the was in me. He had me literally adoring Him within hours of meeting Him, He thoroughly used me, and i thoroughly submitted because He knew how to evoke the deepest submission in me.

More of an unter, nothing "uber" about that guy. Hook up sites can really be an exercise in insanity sometimes. There's a certain percentage of immature, irresponsible, and just plain crazy guys on hook up sites, and it's a role of the dice who will respond to an ad. There's also lots of awesome Men too (well, i pretty much think all men are awesome, even those that make life challenging, i can't help it, i just love guys). Had Grindr on yesterday late afternoon/evening. One guy contacts me and wants a bj after a karate class. He got lost and was about an hour and a half late, but kept talking to me and i was able to talk him in. He had an enormous load, had to pause to swallow. wishing it was in my ass. Another guy contacted me while i was talking this guy in and wanted to cum after he was done. I contacted him back, he asked for address, which i gave, and he disappeared. This is a common flake that is the most frustrating, talking a good line and then just dropping off the face of the earth. I sent "how long", then a question mark, nothing. Then two hours later he responds, "you still want me to come over." Fuck. I asked him: "where'd you go" and he responded: "personal stuff." The excuses are always the lamest part, if you even get one, these are the same guys whose dog ate their homework. I do love the ass up, anonymous walk in scene, but have done it less and less because of the number of unreliable guys on hook up sites. FB's work well for that, and thank goodness for them. Otherwise, i just end up at the ABS where i almost always get a minimum of 5-6 loads.

This is so true. bbbearlover1 made my pussy twitch from the first time i read something He wrote, totally love Him. Not something i say lightly either. There are just certain Dom's who evoke that response to me, it's like i can't help myself (nor do i want to). It's pretty awesome really, it's a fantastically, intense feeling. i'm happy to have feelings like that. It's like a part of me gets absorbed into Him , or vice versa? But there is that mental fuck and insemmination that leaves something there.....

i've had a great deal of discussion about Dom/sub (D/s) relationship with a member of this site, he's become a great friend and we share and discuss pretty much anything we can think of on the topic. But we're both "sub," and our discussion is our perspective, would really like to read others. Of course, there is discussion on this topic all over the place on this site, but i don't recall seeing a dedicated thread? Either way, i wanted to share some of my thoughts and would enjoy reading other's perspectives. My perspective: First off, i don't think their is an absolutely specific one size fits all definition of Dom or sub. i think part of the conflict that arises when the topic is discussed is some are certain that their notions and ideas are simply the way it is. E.g.: "if you are going to call your self sub, you must____________." Or, vice versa: "if You are Dom you are___________." i think to some degree, that we can all agree on general terms to fill in those blanks, but the more specific and defined we get, the more guys on either side start to drop off the 'qualifying' list. i've only met a few guys who call themselves "Dom" who i recognized as such. That's not to say they are not, just that they didn't strike me as such. And i am pretty confident that there are Dom guys who'd shake their head and say: "nah, you're not sub." The good news is, the guys i have recognized as Dom have also recognized me as sub. my point being that, for connection to happen, the gears have to synch. It seems to me that given the nature of D/s, there is often an expectation (on both sides) if a guy identifies as sub, he should make it fit. i think some things are intrinsic to who we are, so the expectation by the Dom or sub that they can change their color (so to speak), is unrealistic. Carrying the analogy, i've seen subs paint their self (so to speak) a different color because that is what their Dom demands, but it's just an outer coat, roleplaying, it's not their 'true color.' I guess that qualifies as submission of sorts, but it seems like submitting to the demand to pretend to be something you're not. on the other hand, i have experienced connection with a Dom where there was compatibility of desire, so the submission was natural and real. So, i know there is such a thing, i've known it with more than one Dom. i've come to think it's a waste of time to try and fit a square peg into a round hole. It can be forced into place, but it's not a fit, there are always gaps.

Great info ErosWired, thanks for posting it. Poppers, aka amyl/alkyl nitrates, have been around since the 1800's and were used medicinally as an anti anginal. That's heart pain people with vascular disease get from ischemia, ischemia is a lack of oxygen to tissue (in this case heart tissue), which results in heart pain/angina. It's similar stuff to the "nitro" people put under their tongue when they think they're having a heart attack (i give this stuff to my patients all the time). It's effects are short acting, 3-5 minutes. The feeling of euphoria is thought to come from the vasodilation of vessels in the brain (it also leaves some with a headache after). It also dilates the vessels in the penis. The way it dilates them is through the release of nitric oxide (a naturally occurring chemical that our bodies make and release through the endothelium, tissue that lines all our blood vessels), which causes the smooth muscle around our vasculature to relax, thus opening them up more for blood flow... but the effect is greater on the veins than the arteries. Arteries supply the blood (in this case, to the penis) veins are the blood return (to the heart) system. So what ends up happening is more blood is getting into the penis, but even more blood is flowing out. The penis gets erect when there is more blood flowing in than out, it gets "engorged" with blood filing it up and making it hard. That's the general effect. Most drugs have general effect, and lots of "side effects." When you read through the side effects of a drug, you'll notice that not all people have the same side effects. Our bodies are all generally the same, but all vary to some degree too, they're very complex. Poppers are a synthetic copy of a chemical our body already produces, but our body has a much more complex and intricate system of administering it (so to speak). The endothelium that releases it (nitric oxide) lines our entire vascular system and that system is able to dispense (so to speak) that chemical in specific locations, thus only effecting those locations in of the body. Sniffing poppers introduces the chemical system wide, so the effects are general, but everyones response is going to be a little different in different parts of the body. I.e., 'side effects may vary.'

i'm not particularly interested in wearing piss just for it's own sake. For me it's a matter of connection to the Dom or Top using it. i find subtle much more of a mind fuck turn on than overt. For example, i've had tops stealth piss inside of me. i've also had it happen where i was sucking a guy off and after coming he let a little piss go too, not a huge amount, but just enough for me to know it. if a top happened to piss on me some after breeding me, without saying anything, just naturally and even affectionately marking His territory-maybe with a smile and a nod afterwards, it'd be a total turn on, especially the humiliation of it. i can't see myself getting off on wearing piss all day, but they idea of being pissed on like if i were at a abs, then having to leave and travel home that way, is really hot. For me it's the incongruency of the whole thing, affection mixed with humiliation is a huge turn one, bullying, meanness, anger with humiliation are not. just the way i'm wired, i know some guys are into it, but again, i like the simile and affection accompanied by the humiliation, really makes me fall in love lol

i've had this happen to me, twice. i suspect it was the same guy each time because it was the same ABS, but i was bred through a gh, so i never saw him. i have an experienced pussy and am used to holding in whatever i get because i want to keep it, so each time didn't realize until i got home. my second sphincter is tight, i have to be careful when i clean out that there is no trapped water. i have gone hours with trapped water, getting fucked and not knowing it's there. Thankfully, i've never had a big cock on one of those occasions that opens up that hole. Each time i'd gotten fucked several times, so i don't know if the guy pissing in me was the last, or others bred me after. i was usually at home, several hours after, when it let down and i had to release it. each time a gush and the telltale scent of piss letting me know what happened. i love it, i always retain piss when i know i have it because i absorb it and my piss smells like my Tops. i think i know who did it because he'd pause several times while fucking me, going deep and holding there vs an all at once stream, prolly would've felt that going in. The hottest part of the whole scenario is the presumption of the Top using my pussy to piss in, just doing it automatically, no questions asked. my kinda Top.

I just don't think there is a standard, one size fits all (so to speak) answer to this question. As a well used and practiced bottom, my hole is officially the male version of a pussy (which doesn't make me feminine, but it does make me a receptacle for a Man to penetrate). Anyone who has been with a virgin or someone who hasn't been opened up, knows there is a sort of breaking in period for most. My guess is most of the guys who ask their Top to be "gentle" are either inexperienced, versatiles or versatile Tops who only get fucked occasionally? I have an anonymous FB who's cock I've never seen because i am always face down when He breeds me, butt the first time He entered me i gasped and kinda tightened from the pain. I wasn't expecting His size from His cock pictures, but He's got girth, especially at the base of His cock. But there was no way i was going to say "be gentle," and i adjusted soon enough. My point is, it's experience that resulted in me just backing into Him and loving His cock vs fear for my self. It's not altruism on my part, i crave His cock and energy and am practiced enough to see and feel past any initial discomfort till i adjust and blend into Who He is. And for me, that is what it means to bottom, to blend into, become one with the Man Topping me, no matter the flavor.

i appreciate this descartes, thank you. i think the key to hot sex is connecting. i happen to be wired (it seems) as a bottom, but while that has an obvious general connotation, we're all individuals and all at least somewhat different. i've had my share of hook up, breed and go sex, and that is awesome stuff. But by far the best sex i've had is with guys who get into my head space and breed my mind as well as my hole. As a bottom, i will spread my mental legs and open my mind to getting bred too, but that can be hard to do if the Top isn't into reading me, which is evidenced by how He approaches me on the physical level. For me, when a Top opens my hole in a way i can tell He is paying attention to the effect He is having on me, it leads right to the door of my mind... and if He is purposely looking for it, He'll see it and enter my head space and fuck there too.

I have wondered the same thing as a bottom. I have a folder of pics on my computer with about 40 naked shots, five are of my penis and three of those are pics of my penis in a chastity cage. The two erect shots were hard to get, not because my penis doesn't get hard, but it usually only gets hard when a top is interested in my hole. The only reason i have the pics is because sometimes i'm asked for one one so i have them on hand. Even though i am a slut bottom (I'm always a slut when i haven't had penile relief), i love a mans ass. Visually it's one of the most appealing things on His anatomy, so i guess i get that one can like the look without wanting to use it.

i have gone through truckstops, rest areas countless times wanting to be fucked in a sleeper truck, butt never have... have never figured out how to arrange it

I guess as i mentioned, something that really turns me on is Tops who love to "modify" their bottoms. The idea and lust behind it is so HOT to me. In line with sleazyseldn's original post, Tops who love the idea of minimizing their bottoms cocks stirs something really deep inside of me. I just read a story about a bottom who's Top secretly, chemically castrated him, and that really got me hot. I wrote earlier about how hot it is to me when a Top is so into my hole that He loves putting His own signature on it, something, even a gap or His cum running down His bottoms crack, that says He was there. I'd be lying if i said talking about castration doesn't turn me on, it does. But i also know that my sex drive cums from my testicals, so i like the idea of having my desire controlled vs permanently taken away. For me, being locked in chastity makes me so horny, but the only place for me to direct that horniness is my hole. i do think it's really hot when a Top purposely locks His bottom in restrictive chastity or belts that cover anything in front so as to make them smaller or minimize or make it invisible. But for me those are all expressions of a Tops desires and power. i don't want to do those things with myself, it would be kind of like being my own Top.

i appreciate so many of the points you bring up bbbearlover1, if for no other reason that it highlights how much more there can be to this. The first thing i think when a Top cannot maintain His hard on is: "maybe i, or something about the situation, doesn't turn Him on." i also appreciate you sharing your perspective as a Dom. From what i have read of your posts, you fit the term "Dom" as i relate to it. i've learned there are lot's of variations on the D/s spectrum, to the point where i have pretty much stopped putting the word "sub" in my profiles. i have a decided sub side, but for me, it is dependent on the Dom, and i wonder if the opposite isn't true? I.e., a Dom's response is dependent on the sub? That it's largely a matter of fit? It's kind of fascinating. my sub side is obviously there to me, but only certain types of Dom's bring it out in me, so i have stopped advertising i am sub because i don't want to mislead anyone and have run into many guys presenting as "Dom" who just struck me as bullies (which i see as weakness), and completely turn me off. i say "certain types of Dom's" because i realize i don't make up the definitions or rules, not sure anyone does, so it seems best to go on individual basis with the understanding that the words "Dom" and "sub" are there for communication and points of reference, but meaning has to be determined on more of an individual basis?

There's been a lot of discussion on this site about what kind of hole Tops and bottoms prefer, this is sort of on that topic, maybe with a different slant, looking more at the psychological side of the topic, though very connected to the physical. What made me start thinking about this is this morning when i had to use the bathroom (and pretty much always when i have to), i have a different sense of urgency and it is directly related to my hole being changed by Tops. First off, anyone who is familiar with me and my posts knows that i am really into the cerebral/psychological side of Top/bottom, D/s, so the whole idea of Tops or Doms who love to own and mold a bottoms hole is enormously HOT. i know from reading that there are a lot of bottoms here who take pride in their holes still being "tight" even after lots of use, and i always have just kinda gone silent at that point because i cannot say i have that. Like many of my fellow bottoms, i exercise my hole and am able to control the inner muscles so i can squeeze and milk my Tops cock, but my opening has been changed. It closes, but it isn't "tight" like it used to be. The truth is, if i didn't have the inner muscle control that i have, it feels like i might mess myself because of the opening. (i hope that doesn't gross anyone out, i'm not into scat, but don't mind Tops who are as part of a mind fuck scene, but that's another topic). Because i have the inner muscle control, i can hold it in, pretty much indefinitely, but their is a sense of urgency and a little fear that goes along with it. okay, enough on that topic My point is my inner hole is well developed and i can tighten it anytime i want, but my opening seems to have been forever changed by the Tops who have used it. I wouldn't call it "loose," but it does provide pretty easy access. i find i don't have to open it nearly as much as i used to to accommodate a Top. Large Tops still make me wince if they just shove in, but i never have to ask them to start slow anymore. Psychologically i find this hole thing hot. i love that my hole is not like a 'normal' hole, that it is physically changed from being used by Men. i also love Men who are consciously into the effects they have on the holes they use. For me it's one of the reasons i am not offended by words like "pussy" or "cunt," etc.. It's not that i have any desire to be a woman or feminine, i am neither. It's the idea of power and change that draws me. For me, my changed hole is the signature of the Top who has used it and i love having that kind of relationship with a Top, where there is that connection that we are both aware of and love.

I don't use CL, or even gay hookup sites that much anymore, seems easier just to go to the adult store, much more reliable sex. Something I have noticed though is homeless guys who use those sites as a way to find a place to sleep for the night. They never come right out and say it, but it's usually the guys who post that they: "cannot host or travel" (i.e., they need to be "picked up). I usually avoid them. I never sleep overnight with a hook up. I'm not really opposed to being a place for a guy to fuck and sleep, i think it's kinda hot really, but would be concerned about safety or theft with sleep over with anyone i didn't know. I've encountered it when i travel also, guys looking for a free hotel room. Kinda funny and a little brilliant lol. The last guy who tried this, when i suspected he was homeless and looking for a place to stay, I asked him directly if he was homeless and he admitted he was. I got to a point where i was going to do it, but by that time he was "locked in" for the night because he was at a shelter. anyone else encounter this?

lol, yeah, i haven't encountered that, but see what you mean. It's hard for me to put the two together (i.e., "tops that can't perform/or lies about being a total top), because they are two different things. My first answer was about the top that can't perform, guys who are lying bother me and are a total turn off.

To me, this is All part of it, there can be all sorts of reasons. I love men and I’m a bottom. For me it’s the tops attitude and desire to top I’m attracted too first. I wanna be penetrated by a top who loves to penetrate me, so I’m pretty damned happy to feel that energy and spread my legs for him. I feel badly if he does. I never feel like laughing at him, I just don’t feel amused, more like I want to find a way to help him enjoy.

Cool topic, some really great replies. I don’t think there’s a standard reply. I love a D/s dynamic, but the dynamic I love has nothing to do with rough or force or pounding. For me the best kind of power involves mind fuck... a sort of grooming that both are aware of, but the sub just can’t resist because the Dom knows how to play him and evoke submission.

As a bottom the idea of having my cock and balls removed or modified is more appealing than i think the reality would be. I lean more towards chastity as a form of modification than actual removal. I did have a Dom say to me once that the best gift i could give him was the gift of my balls. That scared the fuck out of me and attracted me at the same time. I am turned on by the idea of hole modification when a Top is into it. I.e., I love the idea of a Top modifying and changing my hole. I had a Top FB once who played for a long time on my hole, eating, fingering and using a dildo on it. I didn't realize later that He was slowly and purposefully working to change the way it looked, which was part of His intent. He didn't want to be sudden or harsh, He wanted to change it without my knowing. I was face down the whole time and He liked me to wear a blindfold. Before He left, I heard a "click" and when He got home he sent me a pick. He was very proud of what He had done and my hole had little lips and looked like a slit or pussy. He told me that when He was eating my ass He was purposely sucking on it to get that effect. He totally captivated Me with His desire to mold and make my hole His.

hell yeah, love amateur 'porn', or just real sex that guys have videoed, that can be awesome. so agree with this

I LOVE story line porn, but if it is poorly acted it's just funny... which is cool too, just doesn't get me all that hot and bothered, just makes me smile.

I was particularly interested in this as a scientist and evidence based practitioner, thank you for posting your thoughts ErosWired. Here's a great article with several cited studies for you nerds among us who may be interested in such stuff.

I can see where it can be argued that aging effects an openly slutty bottoms chances. i don't see that as a result of being openly slutty though, but of aging. Yes, there is a percentage of younger guys, probably the majority, who do not want an older guy... but any aging person has that to deal with, gay, straight, slut, prude, etc.? If all one wants is to be with is younger guys, it will get progressively more difficult to find them, but not non-existent or impossible. I continue to be surprised by the number of younger people who hit on me (men and women!), but aging has definitely changed my attitudes towards who i am slutty with (i.e., pretty much "any guy"). Guys who i wouldn't even give the first glance when i was young, have a ready and willing place for their cock now. I don't think i'm the only one like that. I.e., many are all growing older together, it's not an isolated condition, so we all can be slutty with each other. I just spent the last 5 days at a gay resort (my 4th time in 12 months), the third different resort. Each time, the majority of the guys are older, more than half have obviously stopped going "to the gym" (if they ever did), and i guarantee, any one of these guys could get some from me (and many did lol). It seems that having a slut around is advantageous because it seems for many a slut, being slutty precludes selectivity. Pretty much if you have a cock, you qualify. I lost count of the number of cocks i sucked the first day, and by today, i've lost count of the number of cocks i've had up my ass. i can add, completely honestly, that last night i had some of the most intense, mind blowing sex of my life. I'm 61. I'd say probably half the guys i had sex with were older than me. Guys in their 70's (and not just a few), who are still viable, horny Tops. The young guys (younger than age 30 that you note) were in the minority each of the 4 times I have come, and half of them liked older guys. As to health and physical condition, i can address that from the perspective of a healthcare professional. It is a fallacy (they actually teach us this in our medical education) that aging must equal ill health. The reason it often does is because of poor diet and lack of physical activity. I work in critical care and specialize in treating/reversing disease through diet and exercise. I eat a whole food plant based diet (vegan on crack) because i know it is the only diet that can prevent, and in some cases reverse, the majority of diseases the put people in the hospital in this country. The Western diet is poison. I exercise and lift weights. I'm not a gym rat, just doing what science has demonstrated helps keep me healthy. Funny thing is, being a slutty bottom is part of what motivates me to do this lol. Re meds for HIV. Typically, the longer a medicine is around, the cheaper and more available it becomes. Once it has been around for 10 years, it can be made generically and it gets much less expensive. So, just as more guys are staying alive because of meds, more meds will come available to keep HIV infected people alive, not less. Cost will go down, not up. I would encourage you, and anyone else, to be considerate of their health as much as possible. Obviously as a slut, i put myself at risk. On the flip side, i choose to exercise discipline in other areas of my life, like diet and exercise. My health is much better (i.e., i am at less risk for the diseases that are killing most people) as a slut than people who eat burgers and pizza every day and never leave the couch. That's not a judgement on them, we all make choices, i advocate for making them consciously. "Who do we have?" We have each other.

Great topic, not sure how i missed it for so long? i think most angles have already been explored in this conversation, butt one thing that stands out to me is the potential for change. ErosWired notes "being made a cumdump" i don't think anyone is born a cumdump, so there is a process we have gone through that has brought us to this point? My point is, people change. Probably most of us sluts can look back at a time in our lives where we would have not wanted us either. I have had top fb's who started out disdaining me and ended up really liking my lust. I appreciate this. i find i have developed over time into someone who tries to really focus on and be present with the Top i am with. i have learned that it's not just His cum i want, but the fullest pleasure i can give Him. For me, orgasm is an exchange of intense joy and pleasure that's almost magical. He is giving/putting His joy and pleasure into me. To me it's a part of His essence. i think i can miss out on a lot if i lose mindfulness of the individual connected to the cock. For me, anyone giving me their cock till they release is giving me something extremely special, the cum is a token of that to me, but it is only a part of the experience. If i focus on only cum, i miss out on a lot. The reverse is true for me. Tops who are sliding their cock in and are purposely withholding their orgasm end up making me feel pretty worthless and empty, no matter how big they are or how they move around, you can tell if you're just a number or if they are really present. So why wouldn't the opposite be true?

I get this. It's hard for me to imagine an romantic tangle that does not include sex, butt then, i love the idea of being woken up in the middle of the night by a cock sliding into my hole or pushing against my lips lol. I think i'd feel frustrated without the sex part, so it's hard for me to imagine being in a sexually incompatible relationship.