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I wrote the original story over a year ago, I appreciate the feedback I’ve received and never got to writing that second chapter but I owe it to those who patiently waited (and asked ;-)) —Again, this is mostly fantasy with inspiration drawn from reality— *Part 2* “Knock knock.” I awoke with a start. How long had I been asleep? It felt like hours but it was more like a few minutes since the porn scene on TV had not changed. “Knock knock.” Oh right, someone was at my door. “Yeah?” I called out while scrambling to hide my contraband in case it was a nosy worker. “It’s me” a familiar voice said and I opened the door to see the Latin stud who had promised to come back. And sure enough, he wasn’t alone. “Sorry, I dozed off,” I said, closing the door behind us. “What’s your name again?” He smiled. “Sorry, I didn’t give it to you earlier. I’m Gabriel.” He motioned to his friend. “This is Jairo, one of my buddies I was tellin’ you about.” My cock started twitching as I surveyed our new company. He was Latino as well, but in his late twenties with closely buzzed hair, several tattoos on his arms and torso, and the hint of a six-pack I was instantly reminded of some boys I went to high school with. I extended my hand to shake. “Hey man, I’m Dino.” He caught my hand at the middle and I had to quickly change my handshake into a fistbump. “Sup bro. Nice ass!,” he added. We stripped off our towels and it was my turn to gush. He was already hard and his cock looked to be about nine inches with a wide, uncut head and a thick vein framing the shaft. “Fuck! That’s nice,” I blurted out, I pulled out the pipe and lighter and offered it to both of them. “I like shotguns by the way,” I said and Jairo nodded as he lit the bowl and rolled it while I got on my knees. He bent down and blew into my mouth, and I wrapped my lips around his head while exhaling a solid cloud of vapor. I felt a tingling in my head as the smoke rolled and directed my senses towards pleasuring the piece of meat in my mouth. “Mmmmmmmmm!” was all I could muster as I started bobbing my head back and forth, adjusting to his girth and length. “Fuuck yea... that’s wassup,” they both grunted in approval while Gabriel started stroking his own, now hard, cock. He then took a long hit and I only pulled my mouth away from the dick in my mouth long enough for a hot, cloudy kiss. More tingling in my brain. “Fuuuck,” I growled as he grinned at me. Jairo patted the mattress, “Up on the bed, I wanna see this dick splitting you.” I eagerly did as I was told and in an instant was on all fours with my ass pointed up. “Fuckin hot,” I heard as Jairo ran his throbbing member up and down my still cum-glazed hole. I started whimpering like a slut in heat as he teased me. “Yeah? You want this bareback dick in you?” he whispered in my ear as I nodded in earnest. “Please.... please stick it in,” I pleaded. “You got it, boy,” he laughed and pushed the head past my hole in one blink. “Oh shit!” I exclaimed as my eyes widened in a mix of pain and pleasure. I turned around to see Jairo closing his own eyes in apparent satisfaction. I knew he wanted to inch his way in but I couldn’t control myself and thrust my ass back on the entire length. “Oh, oh FUUUCK! SHIT,” Jairo moaned as my hole flexed, placing his hands on my sides while Gabriel handed me the pipe. I was so lost in my haze I hadn’t realized he was recording me with his phone. “Nice,” I said, indicating the camera. Looking into the lens, I took the longest hit I could hold while at the same time Jairo slowly started to fuck me. The feeling was bliss and I slowly exhaled another solid cloud of smoke. Gabriel slowly nodded in approval behind the camera and I began thrusting myself to meet Jairo’s jabs. “Fuuuck! Ah! Ah! Ah!Ahhhhhhhyyyyeeeeahhhh,” I screamed into the pillow as he bottomed out and almost hit my second hole. “You like that?” My answer must have been written on my face; “‘Course you do,” he said with a shit-eating grin on his face. “You’re so good... fuckin’ slut getting what he needs.” “Uh-huh,” I automatically nodded as Gabriel set the phone down to give me another shotgun. “Turn over, so he can fuck you missionary,” he muttered and resumed recording. I flipped over and held my legs wide for Jairo to continue his assault on my hole. Facing each other, I now noticed a biohazard tattoo near his hip. “Oh shit!” I thought to myself. I admit I had been turned on by pozzing stories and videos but it was something I never acted on. But now, in my drug-fueled swirl, the flash of hesitation I felt evaporated and a primal desire gripped me as I became fully turned on by the fact that this cholo was barebacking my negative hole with his poisoned rod. “You like charged dick, huh boy?” Jairo asked as he entered all the way and bent forward to kiss and pacify my whimpering with his lips and tongue. He straightened up and closed his eyes. “Oh fuck, oh fuck,” was all I could say as I relaxed my body and looked up at the two men with me. “Shit, puto, I’m getting close,” Jairo suddenly said after a few minutes, biting his lip. “Ready for my babies?” he asked and his pace picked up. “Knock that pussy up?” My mind was on autopilot as I gasped out “Yeah! Yeah! Flood me, knock me up with your poz juice!” “Yeah?! You sure? Well - here - it - fucking - COMES! F-F-FUCK!!!!” he yelled and slammed his weight on me as I felt his cock pulse rope after rope of his dirty seed into my hole. “Yeeahhhhh, poz him up, that’s it, that’s it boys,” Gabriel said as Jairo steadied his breath and slowly pulled out. “Don’t worry, you’re still getting more,” he added as I looked longingly at his cock. He straddled my face and lowered himself so I could greedily slurp it clean of all the sweet juices dripping from his foreskin. “Damn bro, you’re fuckin’ down with it. I like that,” Jairo said need a cigarette and shower, catch you in a bit?” “Fuck yeah, for sure!” I said, laying down to relax and let the rush subside. We fist-bumped again and he stepped out, leaving Gabriel and I alone. “You like G?,” he asked and pulled a small bottle and dropper from a bag he’d brought with him. It’d been a while since I’d taken any but I absolutely loved the way it made me even more of a pig. I nodded. “Ooh, yeah.” I took the bitter dose, washed it down with my Gatorade and began the waiting game. That’s all for now!

? INTERVIEW WITH A DEMON (WARNING: Deep evil, immoral, ritual, Devil, demonic - story fiction) Like any other day, it starts with the thought of sex. From the time I wake up in the morning with a hard-on. My usual routine is to jack off and start the day. If I don’t, I’m driven to search out sex throughout the day. This particular day, I forgo the jack-off routine and check my ad emails online. Hoping to make a hook-up. I Proceeded to get a couple hits over night. Sometimes I get lucky and others I can tell it’s just plain run-around. I write back or just delete. But, one email caught my eye. It had subject titled “ HAIL Sarah Palin” What the fuck! Not one for scam or wacko emails. I was so close to deleting the email and move on. My finger, curiously moved from the delete button, My hand moved the mouse like a Ouija game board marker. Before I knew it, the email opened up. A brief description opened up above my ad. “Hail brother! We saw your ad. My name is Jason. I’m 45 y.o, 5’-9”, 190#, bald, 8” cock. Let’s meet. Hope to hear back from you!.” It was a simple response. Attached to the email were a couple pics of Jason. One was a close up picture of his thick cock and hanging balls. Though, a couple things caught me off guard. Who is “We”? And what is with this “Hail brother” and “Hail Sarah Palin”? Trembling from the simple email, I was intrigued. Not sure what to do. Being a clean cut type with Christian upbringing, I paused. In the end, I sent back a reply. Very basic email. Not giving out too much information. As I “SEND” my email I started to get up, a “ding” email came back. It was from Jason. Damn, he must have been sitting at his computer anticipating to hear from me. I opened it up and it said he was available anytime. He preferred to meet at his place and in the evening or nights. It gave his text/phone number. It showed local number. Hey, what the heck, I texted him back right away. We had a open basic dialog back and forth for 10 minutes. I wasn’t still sure of what this was all about. I was still intrigued but unsure if I wanted to meet with him. But, he was insistent in meeting this evening. I agreed to time and his place.

*This is mostly fantasy with a little reality thrown in* ---------------------------------------------------------------- Part 1(?) It was Friday night and the beginning of a three day weekend, so what better way to celebrate than to get a little twisted at my favorite bathhouse? I arrived around 9:30PM, even though the parking lot wasn't full yet and paid my entrance (thankfully my bag wasn't checked) and walked straight to my room. Nice, I had gotten lucky and was assigned a deluxe room with a queen-sized bed. After stripping down I opened my bag and pulled out my supplies. A pipe, two lighters and the bag of stuff that would make this night. I also had remembered to bring my blindfold so that any tops with hesitations wouldn't feel shy. The porn playing on my TV was one of the few bareback flicks they had in rotation, a hot number with four smooth Marine boys. I immediately got to packing my pipe and, staring intently at the screen, flicked my lighter on and held it under the fresh bowl. As the white smoke started to swirl around and intensify I took a deep breath. Blub blub blub, went the water in the pipe and immediately the chambers turned bright white as I tasted the slightly unpleasant first taste of the tina. After my lungs could not hold anymore I set the pipe down and instinctively grabbed my cock as I exhaled a huge cloud over the hot boys on TV. "Beautiful," I muttered under my breath, as the thought of these muscle men passing around a pipe and getting spun took hold of my mind. I was rock hard within seconds and took another large hit. After a few minutes I decided to dim the lights and crack open the door to get a feel for the crowd that was present thus far. A couple guys walked by but didn't stop after making eye contact... which is why my preferred position is face down, ass up. I closed the door and took a couple more hits, which was starting to make my freshly cleaned hole twitch for some action. Leaving the pipe slightly visible in the shadows (I get turned on at the thought of getting walked in on while smoking,) I donned my blindfold and settled in diagonally on the bed, facing the wide open door. As expected, within five minutes I felt the familiar sensation of a hand on my leg running up to my ass. My excitement was piqued and I wiggled my butt a little to let this stranger know he was welcome in my ass. "Fuck yea, that's a sweet hole," a deep voice growled. I reached around to feel a heavy, thick cock of about eight inches. I couldn't help myself and turned my body to wrap my lips around his tool as he started to finger my hole. "Mmmmmhmmmmmmm" was all I could muster with my mouth full. "Oh fuck, you're partied up, aren't you boy?" the voice asked and I knew he had seen my pipe sticking out from the wadded up towel by my bed. "Uh huh," I said eagerly. "I love breeding party sluts like you, take a couple hits while I fuck you." This was exactly what I had been hoping for and I wasted no time in lowering my blindfold to grab my pipe. I could see my anonymous fucker now as well. He was a tall middle aged Latino man, with the hint of a six pack and a beefy belly, just how I like them. "That's right," he nodded, "Blow those clouds in the mirror while you watch me fuck your party hole." He slipped his unusually thick meat in my hole as I let out a gasp; his cock was narrow at the top and wide at the bottom, stretching me open as he bottomed out in me. I took a hit and let out another white cloud as he smiled approvingly at me and started to pump my ass. "Fuckin' hot, boy. You love my cock in there, huh?" as I moaned in repsonse.. "Fuck yeah, dump your load in that party hole!" I pleaded with him as he quickened his pace and took another hit for his viewing enjoyment. "Yeah" he growled with his eyes closed, signaling he was close. "Cumdump party boy, fucking lookin' for loads and tina huh?" "Fuck yeah, fuck yeah!" I moaned even louder as this is the type of degrading dirty talk that gets my cock hard no matter what I might be on. "I'm gonna fuckin' unload in you boy," he said quickly as he started thrusting like crazy. "Fuck yea, I'm gonna make that hole mine! Uh! Uh! Uhhhhhhhhhh, arrrgh!" he yelled as he slammed into my hole, his cock throbbing with the volleys of his seed shooting in me. "Mmm, fuck yea" I panted as he pulled out and got ready to leave. I just laid there as I was, with a run of cum dripping down my hole and sac for any other guy to see. "Leave the door open." "I got a couple friends coming tonight," he said as he turned to walk out. "They like to blow clouds and love whoring out little chemsluts like you." "You let them know where I am, I'll be here all night."

I have a few. I needed to make them because I was in the porn industry myself. Let me tell you, it is NOT easy to get into. Two of three things are generally required: a great bod, a huge dick, and a pretty face. Abs are highly valued, but big muscle is not always required. It depends on the studio and what your goals are. If you're a BB cumslut, then Treasure Island would probably work out for you. If you have no ink but decent beef, there's Colt. If you're a deviant fucker and do all kinds of nasty things, Dark Alley and Raw Fuck Club might be a good fit. But this also depends on your location. There's also not much money in it anymore. There's a very small percentage of porn stars who can do exclusively porn and support themselves. The online thing and OnlyFans has got so huge that it takes away from DVD sales. There's still a market, surely, but it's not what it was. That said, it's also highly competitive. The studios know they can get the best guys, and they generally filter them out through their experience, looks, and talents. They also look at your online presence, how many followers you have, what sort of videos and pics you have of yourself. And they are always watching. Piss off one director or studio, and you're done. They know you are expendable. But many won't even reject you to your face. They will expect you to take their silence as their answer. And the pressure to remain in peak physical condition at all times is both mentally and physically exhausting. Back to the topic at hand, I am still on good terms with many of my friends in the biz. I've even fucked a couple of them. And when you don't treat them like a piece of meat or as a commodity, it can be a rewarding friendship. We're all people, and we all want to be liked for who we are, not what we do in the sack or on film.

He started as total anon fucker, did not wanted to get tapes, seen, by anyone. Every time I was waiting for him doggy, door open, he was checkind the blindfold before and after fucking me and I was allowed to take it off only after the door was closed. no pics ever sent, no profile pic on whatsapp. Eventually he found out I am serious and discrete and a real slut, hungry for cocks and cum... he is now a regular buddy. Eventually he allows me to take out the blindfold... and since a while he started to shoe me pics on his phone of his other slut and other tops who come along to fuck me. This guys is amazing. young, horny, beautiful body, hungry for a used, cum-filled ass. He comes with others fuck me, or asks me to date before letting him in. When is his turn, I first push out a bit of the cum I have in my ass, so he can taste it and also use is as lube for his dick, then I receive his dick and cum as final reward. Today he fucked me and he started a video-called with one of his friends while he was fucking me doggy, to show him that he was not kidding about me. they both commented my ass, the performance... the final load leaking from my ass...I definitely love how this guy fucks me!! With his cum, today I celebrate 150 loads dumped in my ass since 01/01/2018

Love being used in dark rooms. Nothing to see. Just the feeling of raw cocks using my hole and dumping their loads. Makes me feel like such a slut. I love feeling slutty.

Part 2. It was a Fall gray gloomy evening. I anxiously drove to the given address. It took a good hour. I parked across the street from an older historic style Bungalow home. Unkept exterior. Nothing unusual in this neighborhood. Though, the exterior was dark. It had a front porch with railings that needed work and dead ivy growing to the ceiling. Shrubs that needed trimming. A wrought iron gate around the yard. A gravel driveway that led to a large leaning garage in the back. No vehicles in the driveway. My gaze looked up toward the peak and I saw a round disk diagram star nailed to the upper front exterior wall. I slightly shuttered came over me. My skin began to get chilled. Was I at the right house? It looked abandoned. Though there were some dimly lit windows. I approached the house. some scattered leaves blew in front of me. As to block me. I stepped on them to make a crunching sound. I knocked on the door and stood silently. I heard nothing, but wind blowing leaves. Then I heard “Hey! Over hear.” to my surprise was a shadowy figure sitting in the shadow of the porch. I must have jumped and twisted toward the voice. “Hail Sarah Palin!”. I uttered the same response. The figure man stood up and was taller than I thought. He glided across the porch floor toward me. An illusion since there was no lights on. His arms reached out toward me and embraced me. His left arm slithered down and cupped my crotch and further to my rear ass. He gave a firm grasp of my right ass cheeks. He said, “Come inside.” The unlocked tall door opened up so effortlessly. he still had his had down at my ass kneading my ass cheek and fingering my ass crack. Inside was no different in temperature; cold. And, my eyes were straining to see inside for lack of lighting. The door shut behind us. The wall sconce lights came on dimly to light the walls that had embossed blood burgundy color wall paper. Tall ceilings and dark stained wood floor. Around front room was a main fireplace. A small gas flame flared up to light the fake logs. Above the mantle was a large 4’x6” oil painting what appear to be rows of corn. The painting was disturbing. Perhaps because of the dark colors and the twisting of the corn with a single path leading into darkness. Darkness that seemed mesmerizing and draws the eye in further. Jason was still clinging to me. I was getting excited since my cock was showing signs of getting bigger in my tight jeans. I felt the warmth of the fire inside the fireplace. He guided me to a leather couch and we sat next to each other. At this time I reached out and felt his chest. He was proud as he felt my hands touch his chest. He closed his eyes and took a steady breath inward to extend his chest even further. His right hand firmly grasp around my wrist and pushed further into his upper chest. Pulling my had down to his abdomen and finally to his crotch. Inside his pants was one big hard throbbing cock! Jason spoke up after a few minutes of us fondling each other. “You know why you are here…don’t you?” I looked at him with a sly smirk and said, “Well, yeah!” He responded and said, “I don’t think so!” He proceeded to remove my hand from his crotch and he stood up. He looked so impressive towing over me. He took a few steps toward the fireplace and gazed into it with a silent stare. He spoke in a methodical deep voice. “We want you to join our family. You see, I represent the…clan. A group of close-knit and interrelated group of men. With strong common interest.”

Haven’t had sex in awhile. My military black FB was getting blue balls and I knew I had to satisfy both him and my ever growing hungry hole. I left early due to my allergies acting up. Told my FB that my ass works fine just can’t suck his 9 inch log today. He said that was fine and he just wanted to unload in my ass. He’s already hard. The bulge in his shorts is almost obscene. We go to my apartment and he needs to use the John. I strip and place my hole over the edge of the bed. He comes behind me, places lube on my hole and his dick. He uses his dick hole to rub against my wrecked cunt lips. Presses and smears his precum on my hungry cunt lips... he marks his target. Since I did not suck him, he goes in pretty dry. I can feel his veins and skin rubbing the inside of my hole. Almost burning. Yeah.. he’s going to make sure i get his seed. He pulls out and lined up and shoved his dick in. I’m spreading my cunt as wide as I can. He says I’m wet and a constant cunt he loved to breed. He takes his time and unload in my tender hole. Pulls out, rubs his dick with my ass juices on it on my ass. Cleans up and leaves. damn I love black dick anyway I can get it...

Coaching and cumcatching The heavy metal doors opened into the high school atrium with a whoosh of air, and immediately Paul felt déjà vu, recalling the hundreds, perhaps thousands of times he’d walked through these doors on his way to class. Now, he was back, almost a decade later, and it felt like he’d been there yesterday. The difference was Paul was no longer a flabby teen with bacne, glasses and braces. He’d grown a few inches at college, gotten contacts, and learned the proper balance of eating right and working out. The result allowed him to strut a little as he passed 4 teen girls, each undressing him with their eyes, gawking at his trim waist, muscular legs, chest and arms, and his firm bubble butt. Yet even with his adult body, ears of college training, and almost 5 years of real world experience, part of Paul wanted to run straight for the dark corner of the auditorium where he spent many afternoons running the lights for shows he never got cast in, eventually memorizing every inch of it so he could do his job in pitch black. He felt invincible in that spot, unseen and in total command. That same dark nook also held fond memories of his first sexual experimentation with handsome, talented, kind, sexy Tom Downey. No one ever understood why tall, muscular, gorgeous Tom hung around with chunky, dorky Paul, but they were inseparable when Paul wasn't relegated to run lighting, while Tommy shined on stage (not to mention on the swim team and baseball team). Most schools would not have intermixed theatre kids with athletes, but Franklin high had been home to one of the country’s top high school theatre programs for almost as many years as it had been presided over by Mrs. Nancy Wheeler. She had started in the mid-seventies and within a few years she’d made the drama department as profitable for the school as any of the athletics, before it became the city’s magnet school in the early 80’s. It was what made Paul, and many others, work tirelessly to get transferred to Franklin. Paul had always dreamed of performing in shows and movies, but Mrs. Wheeler popped that bubble on his first day, informing him he was too plain and shy to ever be more than a techie. It was her m.o. to tactlessly burst kids’ dreams that way, earning her the nickname Pinwheeler. Thus when they both tried out for 'the Tempest' their freshman year, Paul was stuck as a lighting assistant, training to work the control console while getting stuck with other jobs to fill the time. Tom however, got a lead role, and tried to help his bud by requesting Paul be his costume helper. Night after night, Paul pretended not to notice Tom’s hard cock while they hurried to get him out of a complex velvet period costume and into another. Closing night the friends went to the cast party and were talked into smoking some weed with a few seniors, including the only openly gay couple at the school. Stoned and giggly, they wandered around the host's house while Tom confided he'd caught the gay guys blowing each other one night in the parking lot. Paul still can't remember who initiated it, but minutes later they took turns swallowing each others' cum loads in a guest bedroom. Some guys would pretend it hadn't happened and get all weird but Paul and Tom decided they wanted more and began sucking, jerking and fingering every chance they got. By summer break Paul had trained Tom to take 3 fingers before they spent a month as roomies at a theatre camp. Neither duffle bag was even unzipped before Paul bred Tom's hole for the first time. When sophomore year started, Tom's butt was taking at least 10 loads a week. If Tom hadn’t regularly provided some hot ass, Paul would probably have given up on theatre since he was always losing roles to the same boy he routinely cornholed. 'Pinwheeler' assumed Paul had a crush on Tom, and told him once that, just as he would never succeed in acting, Paul had no chance of landing a leading role in Tom's life either. Paul smiled now remembering her words. Last year he’d made close to 3 million bucks acting. He wasn’t a movie star, but he’d gained the skill and confidence in college to get him steady work and recently landed a recurring supporting role on a cable drama series. That's why Paul graciously agreed to volunteer his help when his alma mater sent a letter requesting his expertise judging their short film contest. It didn’t hurt that the new teacher assisting Pinwheeler was fresh out of college, 6’4” with black hair, blue eyes, golden skin, and a thick muscular build. Paul was already planning to come to judge the videos to show Pinwheeler she was wrong, but decided to offer his help from start to finish when he saw Mr. Dick Carson's photos on Facebook. He paused as he reached for the door to enter the theatre room. This was the first time he’d be entering as the star, and after all his fantasizing of how it would be, he suddenly realized he needed to leave that behind if he was going to do these kids any good. Still, he took a moment to relish the look of wonder and embarrassment on Pinwheeler’s face when the whole class mobbed him before he’d even made it through the door. That afternoon, every student in the theatre magnet program watched and listened to everything he said with awe and admiration. At the end of the day, over 200 kids had taken his advices as gospel, and once again Paul found himself surrounded by fans, all hoping he’d agree to help them with some aspect or another of their videos. Mr. Carson stepped in just in time, informing the kids they would each get a chance to meet with Paul as each step of the process was submitted. Paul’s cock twitched as Mr. Carson’s arms guided him into Pinwheeler’s office and away from the kids. Over the next few sessions, the students got less pushy, and Paul found himself really enjoying being able to help them take their ideas and transform them into some truly funny, smart and marketable short films. A few seniors in the group were planning on submitting their films as audition pieces for college programs focusing on screenwriting, directing, cinematography and of course acting. He was shocked to discover that these students hadn’t been indoctrinated with Pinwheeler’s agenda, showcasing the acting talents of all shapes and sizes, while encouraging the beautiful girls and handsome boys to try their hand behind the scenes. Mr. Carson finally explained over drinks one Friday evening, that the administration had been receiving complaints for years about Pinwheeler’s harsh doses of reality and prejudiced approach. It was getting worse now that she was almost 70, so Mr. Carson had been hired to train under her before she was given the option of retirement or demotion. Paul tried not to show his delight in the news, but he did offer his congrats to Mr. Carson, adding that ”the kids are in great hands with you, Mr. Carson. These past few weeks, I’ve seen you open the minds of each kid in there, and I’m sure you’ll continue to evolve the program in many more exciting ways.” “Please Paul, call me Dick. After all, I never would’ve been able to pull this off without your generosity. I’m sure you’d prefer to spend your break from filming somewhere other than back in the little town high school where you were never appreciated.” Paul’s cock hardened slightly with thoughts of all the butts he could be breeding during this time. He and Tom only managed to enjoy clandestine rendezvous once they went to college, before Tom settled down with a girl they knew. Their last shared load was the day of his wedding, his tux pants around his ankles, while groom’s man Paul fished his cock from the fly of his own tux, bent Tom over a catering cart in the dish pantry while the bride and her family took photos, and committed his one and only act of infidelity, sealed with a load of semen deep inside. Paul started exploring his options at school after that, and discovered he had a lot now that he was in shape, taller and his Dick had grown to its full adult length of 8 thick cut inches. At first he fucked every butt that would bend over for him, but was shocked into secrecy when one of his regular cum-dumps was outed on the local late night news. Turns out the slim young preppy guy he’d met online was actually a married father of 4 and minister for an extremely conservative church the next town over. As Paul watched the man’s life dissolve into tabloid fodder and late night jokes, Paul made a rule: always be dating a hot girl, while secretly mating a hot boy, but never let either know the other. So now he was seeing some young actress he’d met doing a commercial, and hooking up with guys online for anonymous breedings. She was too busy to do much more than escort him down red carpets and be “caught” by paparazzi kissing, and his butt boys never saw his face. He’d even found a group in LA that hosted monthly orgies requiring every guy wear a mask. Since he’d been back home, he’d been too worried about being discovered to do anything other than jerk in the shower each morning after his work out. Usually this involved scenarios featuring Mr. Carson or some of the well developed high school boys bent over the editing computer or up against the stall door of the restroom, begging for Paul’s cum inside their holes. Paul came back to earth when he realized Mr. Carson, Dick, had not removed the arm from around Paul’s shoulders since placing it there when he was thanking him. He forgot himself for a second and glanced into Dick’s lap, observing a big lump snaking its way down his left leg, proving that Dick had the right name. “I bet you miss having your girl around especially,” Dick said while beginning to rub his arm down Paul’s back. “saw her on TMZ last month. She is one hot piece of pussy. I can’t imagine having to give up pounding that for a month just to help out an inexperienced teacher and a bunch of snotty brats.” His laughter sent a bolt to paul’s cock, and paul assured him that he was loving the time with Dick, and the kids, finishing (pretty unconvincingly) by adding that he did miss her tight pussy. “seems unfair that you’re being so helpful and won’t get laid till after you leave. Of course you could always enjoy some local fare, especially since there are so many people here who’d do anything to show you how much we appreciate you being here.” Dick chose that moment to move away from Paul, walking over to the bottle on his counter, and refilling Paul’s glass with some cheap rum and store brand coke. “Hell, I can’t even offer you really coke for your cocktails, but you could have your pick of any girl in town and most of the guys.” “Sounds fun until you remember how quickly those guys… and girls would jump online and spill to 4 million of their closest strangers. It would be the end of my relationship, not to mention my trust worthy reputation as the good boy of cable TV.” He walked back over as Paul explained the downside to cheating as a semi-celeb, but didn’t sit. This meant his large unfurling penis was eyelevel with Paul. “that does suck, I just hope you know you have given so much of your time and energy, you’ve earned a friend in me and I’d never do anything to jeopardize our relationship and its future.” Dick rook a step closer. “our relationship and its future…” Paul leaned forward to take a drink and Dick could feel his hot breath through his thin grey work slacks. “I am willing to do anything to secure the future of this program at the school and would never exploit our relationship as friends. So what can we do to ensure you are motivated to return every year and provide your services?” Dick didn’t wait for an answer. Instead he pulled Paul’s head forward until his giant man meat was up against Paul’s face. Once they made first contact, it was only seconds before they were naked on the kitchen floor, 69ing and playing with each other’s asses. Before Paul could catch a breath between inhaling Dick’s Dick, He was being flipped on his stomach and Dick was using the olive oil from their salads to finger Paul’s hole. “whoa Dick, I don’t catch, especially not a massive log like yours. I’m all pitching, but I’d love to take a toss at your butt.” Paul tried to get an angle on Dick’s hole, but Dick confirmed that he, too, was all top. Disappointed, they made the best of it and spent the rest of the evening eating each other’s cum loads. When Paul went back to the house he was renting, he almost turned off the highway to cruise a rest stop, before he reminded himself what dire consequences that could mean. The next few days working with the kids were even more fun than before now that Paul was taking breaks 3 or 4 times a day to feed Dick his load and swallow Dick’s semen. As he suspected, Dick had a hot muscled body, but with much more mass and less definition. Combined with his 9 inch uncut Dick and hairy chest and Paul was hopelessly desperate for each suck session. He even started dreaming about letting Dick fuck him in his almost virgin hole. He and Tom had tried once unsuccessfully (with Tom cumming too soon and Paul screaming in pain), and Paul had tried again his first year in LA with a TV star from his childhood. One of the first gigs Paul got after moving to Hollywood was a guest spot on a failed crime drama about a gay closeted cop and his drug addicted partner. The star playing the gay cop, ‘Bert’, was famous 10 years before for playing a wholesome dad, and he hoped he could redefine his image with the show. Paul played a male prostitute who witnessed a murder, was taken into protective custody and then sleep with the cop. Paul had had a crush on ‘Bert’ since he first saw him, and couldn’t believe that even at 40, he was still extremely well built and full of charm. After some long days filming sex scenes over and over, Bert noticed Paul getting excited while filming. Mortified, Paul apologized, but Bert told him it was no big deal and invited him to dinner to discuss his career. Paul was shocked when he arrived at Bert’s house when Bert answered the door naked. Bert offered Paul a drink while he got dressed, but Paul asked for some cock instead. Bert was all top, but Paul was starstruck, and decided to go for it when Bert told him he had some ghb that would help him relax and enjoy it. Within minutes of drinking it, Paul could barely stay conscious. Without any memory of how he got naked or upstairs, he found himself face down being roughly butt fucked by Bert. The pain was pretty severe since Bert didn’t use any lube, until he shot all over Paul’s hole. Too out of it to move, Bert said something about an encore and the next thing Paul knew, Bert was watching while a short buff, tattooed Latino forcefucked Paul’s stoned ass as well. After the ghb wore off, Bert tried to convince him to try some other stuff and stick around, but Paul politely declined while running out the door. His ads was sore for days after that, and ever since then, he’d only been a top. Now he found himself envisioning Dick stuffing his giant monster cock into his tight hole, and started using magic markers and a plastic ladle handle on his hole when he was jerking off. He was almost ready to ask Mr. Carson to teach his hole a new trick, when Dick got some bad news. Turned out his Mother was ill and he had to run off cross country that night. Paul sucked him off before he left, and prayed for a hot substitute, but no such luck. Finally ready to get fucked, and the guy he wanted to ride was 1000 miles away. That Friday, Paul was considering driving to the next town over for a shady internet hookup when he got a call from one of the students, frantic due to his laptop and thus, his entire film being stolen.

Smile for the camera....

Yes. I get this from bottoms on Grindr all the time. While I think it's hot that you're willing to take on multiple tops, and I agree that tag teams and groups can be hot, if you immediately ask me to put in the effort to find other tops when I don't know if we have chemistry or if I don't know if you'll even show up, then I'll likely stop responding and go find someone else.

The drive over to the gifting top took forever, my mind was racing. This is the beginning of a new chapter, starting a relationship with the best bottom I have ever had. Not just an bottom, a straight boy, with a girlfriend, who loves taking cock and following orders. Whether or not we are together forever, he will always be mine in some aspect. I pull up to the house in the email and check my phone, there are two messages. One from the gifting top: "Doors open strip once you get inside unless you want your clothes torn off" One message from my boy: "Are you going to POZ me Sir?" His message worried me, will he chicken out? will i become POZ and lose my boy at the same time? i got a horrible pit in my stomach. I text him back, "Yes, i'm going to make you pregnant with a POZ load." I sat outside the top's house waiting for the reply. My phone vibrated, "Yes Sir, if you want, you already own me." That text made me hard as a rock despite the life changing event to come, "do you want me to impregnate you?" i asked. "I want you do do what ever you want with me Sir." he replied. I took a deep breath and got out of the car, a huge smile on my face, I practically floated to the front door, and entered as i took my clothes off. The front room was dim, a light was on in what appeared to be the kitchen, and music was coming from a dark room. I made my way towards the dark room, "Bend over the bed slut" a voice says from the dark room, and i do as i'm told, so strange to be on this side of the relationship. As i bend over the bed the top walks up behind me, "wheres the toothbrush, and why are you here?" "Here, and because i want you to POZ me up" "Why?" he demanded. "There's a straight bottom i've been fucking that will become gay for me if he catches anything or can't have kids," i confess. "hmm... So you want to POZ this little "straight" boy?" "Yessir" "well... When i POZ you, MY seed will be growing in you, and then this boy will be mine too, I'll POZ you on one condition." "whats the condition?' i ask nervously. "I'll let you grow my seed inside you so you can POZ him on your own, but if he doesn't take for any reason, you release his boipussy to me and my POZ friends. AND if he does become POZ with your seed, you bring your boy over here and we have a celebration night." "interesting, I like the idea" "Well do we have a deal? Am i Pozzing your NEG ass tonight?" "Yes lets do it" The top slapped my ass hard, "good slut, you email me when you get the fuck flu" "Yes Sir" With that the top shoved the toothbrush into my ass, it hurt a bit, but i was so excited to change our lives that i didn't care. This better take. He yanked the toothbrush out of my stinging ass, and shoved it into my mouth, there was a metallic taste. I'm primed to take his POZ load. "what outcome are you hoping for slut? that you POZ him up or that he is resistant to our strains and we introduce him to my friends." "Honestly he says he's mine already and can do what i want, your friends can have him POZ or not." i replied. "good, i like that, thank you for sharing, especially if he's as good as you say." In one big thrust his cock went into my hole, it stung but it also felt pretty good, i was caught by surprise and yelped. "HA, take this POZ cock you top" he said as he rammed his cock in and out of my hole all the way, really loosening my hole up, but also really wrecking my sore hole. "Beg for my POZ load like a good bottom, and then take it home to your boy." "please POZ my ass, convert me" i said over and over. "tell me why slut" "POZ me so i can convert the straight boy! POZ me and lets make him a gay POZ bottom whore" "He's already a gay bottom, but here's the POZ load delivery for his ass!" He thrust in and i felt the first strong spurt of toxic cum enter my ass, he moaned, and was breathing heavy, still clenching and releasing cum into my hole. It was quick but i was hoping for that, i much prefer to fuck my boy than be fucked by anyone. "if you don't get sick within 2 weeks, you come back here and you're staying here a weekend, got it?" "i'll let you know" i replied, standing up and grabbing my clothes from the living room floor, my ass sore and full of POZ cum. I drove home, dreaming about my life to come. I woke up the next morning with my asshole burning, the guy messed up my hole for how quick he was. After my breakfast and coffee I went to the restroom and sure enough cum came out, it felt like a cup full, it just kept coming out. My phone buzzed, "Good Morning Sir" it read from my boy. "Good morning boy" i replied. "ready for tonight?" "Yes Sir, always." His text brought a huge smile to my face. "craving cock? craving a man?" "Yes actually Sir, I'm very horny, i get crazy thoughts when i'm horny." he sent. "Oh? like what Trevor, tell your boyfriend." "Well, craving your cock, piss, and cum like usual. Do you mind if I come by and grab a bottle of piss from you?" "Aw boy I want you to, but i just pissed, i'll bring one to your work though, on one condition." "Anything Sir" "Change for the gym outside your car today in the parking structure, shirt, shorts, socks, shoes, but the jock strap stays, and wear the "ADDICTED" jock strap, everything comes off first before one article goes on." "Yes Sir, When will i get your piss?" "you'll get every bladder full today slut, just prove to me you followed orders." "Yes Sir" "Good Boy, also think of some more rules, i need more control over my slut, you're going to be gay in no time, hard for me and flaccid for her" "Yes Sir I'll email you a list tonight for approval before you come over, and honestly that excited me a bit" "Good, because you're mine" "Yes i am Sir."

This happened close to 20 years ago, but I still remember it vividly as it is still one of the hottest sex episodes of my life. I was in El Paso, Texas on business for a few days. I had had a few really fun times at a very seedy xxx movie theater in the downtown area that week. The place was always full of Latino dick of every age, size and type. I was in heaven sucking on all the foreskin being fed to me in that place. But I had heard of a place out on the outskirts of town. Fiesta XXX Drive-In and sex shop. The place really way out in the desert, out in the middle of nowhere. I arrived there in the late afternoon and to my surprise the parking lot was quite full. I parked and entered the sex shop. I quickly found the arcade area. There was a large room with perhaps 10 or 12 video booths, some with glory holes. There was also a small video room with some ratty chairs and sofas. The room smelled of dried cum. There were even several puddles of fresh cum on the floor and on the leather of the sofa. The room was quite dark, and always a few guys in there. The arcade had a consistent group of at least a dozen guys cruising the booths and video room. I spent close to two hours sucking dicks through the glory holes and in the video room, sucking on well over a dozen cocks, and had been fed six or seven loads down my throat in that time. I was one of the few Caucasian guys there, as most of the guys were Mexican, in addition to a few black guys. I even got into a hot 69 with a young Latino kid on the sofa of the video room. I was getting tired and hungry, so I had decided I'd had enough. I was just getting ready to leave to head back into town to clean up and get some dinner. Just as I started to walk out of the video room I saw a newcomer: a tall, handsome, muscular guy who appeared to be half Black, half Latino. He had to be at least 6' 3" or taller, and was masculine and rough looking. I got the impression he may have been a construction or road repair worker. Anyhow, we made eye contact as he entered the room and he rubbed his crotch and sat down on one of the ratty sofas. I turned and walked back into the room and sat next to him on the sofa. He looked at me and continued to rub his crotch. Then he put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled my head down to his crotch. "Suck me" he demanded. I leaned over as he pressed my face into the denim of his pants. I then got down on my knees, between his legs and began to unzip his fly. He unbuckled his pants and pulled his dusty Levi's and briefs down to the floor. His cock was already rock hard, and was a nice eight inch uncut dick with ample foreskin covering his cock head. In addition to his impressive length, it was one of the thickest dicks I had ever seen. I took it into my mouth and sucked and gently chewed on his gorgeous foreskin, sucking on it, flicking it with my tongue. Then I slid my tongue up into the foreskin and licked his piss slit. "Good faggot" he said, as he pressed my head further down onto his cock. The thickness made it difficult to take him too far down my throat, but I did the best I could before gagging and coming up for air. While I was sucking on him, he kicked off his shoes and removed his pants. Then he lifted his legs, exposing his huge, low hanging balls and hairy asshole. "Suck my balls, queer." I did as I was told. His balls were salty and smelled of sweat. The smell was intoxicating. I licked both his balls, then took each of them into my mouth. "Lick my ass" he grunted, as he lifted his knees to his chest. I licked under his balls and down to his dark, puckered asshole. "Nice job, fag. Lick my hole, queer". I loved the names. And I really went to work licking and eating his nasty hole. I had my tongue as deep in his hole as I could get it. He was spreading his ass cheeks, giving me as much access to his hole as I could get. As I was eating his hole, several of the guys came around us, each man stroking his cock as he watched me servicing this hot, dark and aggressive guy. A skanky looking Mexican drag queen was trying to horn in and tried to suck his cock as I was licking his ass, but the top pushed the skank away, growling "Fuck off, Bitch!" Then he grabbed me under the arms, pulling me up as he stood up. "Come with me". He grabbed his pants and shoes and took me by the hand, pulling me with him as we left the video room and entered a private video booth. No sooner was the door closed than he pushed me back to my knees and I happily went back to sucking on his beautiful cock. As I was sucking him, he bent over, sliding his hand down inside the back of my sweatpants, finding my asshole. He rubbed my hole, obviously wanting to fuck me. At this time I was petrified of HIV, and rarely letting guys fuck me. Moreover, the few times I had been fucked, I had insisted the top use a condom. On this occasion, however, I had no condoms, and honestly wasn't interested in getting fucked in a filthy video booth, but the top obviously seemed to have his mind on putting his dick in my ass. He kept fingering and massaging my hole. "Show me your pussy, faggot" he demanded as he stood up and took a small bottle of lube and bottle of poppers from the pocket of his Levi's. "No," I replied, "I don't fuck in these places." Without saying a word, he turned me around and pushed me over. "No", I said as I struggled to get away. I was starting to get very nervous. This guy was 6 or 7 inches taller than me. As well as being incredibly muscular. His power was both a turn on and frightened me. Because I was wearing sweatpants, he had no problem pulling my pants and briefs down over my ass with one quick yank. He had me bent over and his cock was pressing into my ass crack. "Please don't", I begged. "You're too big. I won't be able to take you", I said. "Shut up, faggot. You want this cock, so shut the fuck up". I felt the cold lube being drizzled down my ass crack. He also reached around me and said, "Here. You'll need to popper up". He handed the bottle of poppers to me. I was too frightened to resist much longer. There was no way I could overpower him to get away. So I took a couple of deep sniffs of poppers. I was going to need all the help I could to take his big, thick dick inside me. He pressed the lube up inside me. I could hear him squeeze more onto his bareback cock. Then I felt the piercing pain of his cock start to press into me. "STOP", I begged. But, he paid no attention. He continued to press into me. I took a couple of more deep breaths of poppers. The pain was intense. But, I was powerless to get away from this guy. Once he had gotten most of his cock inside me, he began to pump. Tears filled my eyes from the pain as I continued to beg for him to pull out. But then I felt him grab me around the waist and really began to pump. Slamming his cock deep into me, then pulling nearly out of me, before slamming back into me again. I had resigned myself that I was going to have to endure this. "Please put a condom on", I pleaded. "Shut the fuck up, Fag," as he continued to pound my white hole. "Oh, please. Don't cum in me" I whimpered. He paid no attention to me as he continued his assault on my hole. My ass was miraculously adjusting to his monster cock. It was actually starting to feel good. I continued to sniff poppers to help me relax my ass. It was helping. Finally, I gave up the struggle and began to enjoy the incredible feeling of his bare cock slamming deeply into my ass. My head was banging against the walls as he rammed into me. Without any warning he slammed even deeper into me and held it there. I could feel his cock throbbing as he let out a loud groan. "AHHHGGG...!!! FUCKKK...!!!" he grunted as he filled my ass with his load. He pulled his cock from me so quickly that it made a popping sound as his cockhead left my ass. I collapsed onto the chair in the booth as he pulled on his pants and slipped on his shoes. Without saying a word, he unlocked the door and exited the booth. My head was spinning from all the poppers I'd been sniffing. He had left the bottle of poppers with me and I saw the bottle of lube laying on the floor of the booth. Just as I bent down to pick up the lube, the door of the booth opened again. A heavy set Mexican guy walked in. He locked the door, turned to face me and pulled out his uncut dick. "No. I'm done", I protested, as I reached down to pull up my sweatpants. But he continued to put his cock in my face. What the hell, I thought. I took his cock into my mouth and sucked him as he hardened in my mouth. "Show me your pussy," he said, adding in a whisper "I'm gonna seed that cum filled white pussy of yours." I was too tired to put up a fight. I stood and bent over. Holding onto the chair and took another deep hit of poppers. Without any hesitation or lube, he slammed into me in one swift move. He thankfully didn't take too long to cum. He was grunting loudly as me pounded my hole. Within just a few minutes he grunted loudly and shot his load into me. "Gracias," he said as he pulled out, quickly pulled up his pants and exited my booth. I knew I couldn't take any more. I pulled up my sweatpants. I did my best to pull myself together and exited the booth. Heading to the exit of the arcade a young Latino asked "Hey, Papi. Want another load?" I laughed as I passed him. "Not today. Maybe tomorrow". I drove back into town. Got back to my room totally exhausted. I didn't even have the energy to shower and dress for dinner. I called room service and had dinner sent to my room, as I tried to replay the afternoons events in my head. I jacked off as I relived the frightening, but exciting time I had being overpowered by that hot guy in my booth.

Every thrust has me wondering if today would be the day, if today he’d flood me and knock me up. I know that I don’t want it, that I keep telling him to be safe, to be careful but my boyfriend doesn’t listen. He loves to fuck me, to show me that I’m his in the most primal way and once he gets me going, my body tight and needy he knows I won’t stop him no matter what he does. It’s not every day, it’s not even regular or anything I can plan it’s just that some days he decides that he’s going to fuck me bare. Though that last part he does more often than not, fucking into me without any protection or barriers between us as he calls me his cumslut while he drives me to orgasm after orgasm. He knows how risky it is, how I can’t take Truvada and how him being in me bare is such a risk. He knows but he doesn’t care, because he likes to claim me, to mark me as his, to flood my insides with his cum and tell me that I’m his, his and no one elses. His biohazard tattoo placed on his pec demonstrates his pride in being poz. Its placement is deliberate, it shows under tank tops and when he is shirtless at the gym, riding his bike or on runs. The good thing is that he doesn’t always cum inside, in fact more often than not he’ll pull out to splatter his cum on my back or my stomach or my face. I love that feeling, the hot sticky streaks of it all over me, marking me and showing that I’m his. The cum inside of me marks me even more, the fact that he doesn’t plan it, that he simply decides it in that last heartbeat before he explodes makes that risk so much more intense. Every time, every thrust inside could be the one before he floods me with his toxic cum and no matter how many times I remind him of the risk, how many times I warn him that he’ll poz me he does it anyways. I can’t say that I really hate it, I love that feeling, the way he swells and twitches inside of me as he fills me. I love how he gasps and groans and his hands tighten on my body slamming deep and holding me still while he floods me. It’s probably the most intense feeling in the world, that moment before he cums where I’m wondering if he’ll pull out and be safe or if he’ll flood me and risk our futures for the chance to mark me, to feel me clench and flutter around him as he pours himself into me. I don’t hate it but I definitely don’t want to get poz yet, I have to finish school and then get a job and begin our lives together. I want his cum loads and he knows that, but he also knows the risks, the way him knocking me up would endanger the easy future we want but he doesn’t care. I can always feel him behind me, can see it in his eyes that lust to flood me that he doesn’t care about all of that, that all that matters is me and him and that moment where he shoots his load into me. He doesn’t follow any schedule, doesn’t warn me before he cums, he simply fucks me into oblivion and then fills me and I can’t help but love it. I know that sooner or later I’ll be where I am now, his cock in me, twitching and swelling and his hands manhandling my pecs and nipples before he cums deeply inside. It’ll be that day where his cum finds my ripe hole waiting with an easy infection point and suddenly I’ll be full of his babies. He doesn’t ask, I don’t think he even cares about that moment all that much all he cares about is marking me as his. The way he’ll ignore my protests and cum deeply into me as he tells me that he knows how much I want this only serve to make it hotter. He knows how much this turns me on, how much I want to risk it but also how much I don’t want to be HIV positive yet. I tell him that I don’t want it and he’ll push into me bare and tell me that I might say that but my body tells him what I really need. It won’t be long before I’m pushing back and moaning out how good his toxic poz cock feels, bare inside of me as he fucks me. I still warn him, still beg him not to cum in me but he always tells me to hush, to just enjoy him giving me what I need as he slides through my folds and presses against my ass lips. He drives me to this feeling, that height of both ecstasy and fear in that moment before he’ll stiffen. I can feel it now, his cock driving into me as he waits to make his choice, as he thrusts deep again and again and draws my voice out of me in moans and squeals and gasps. In a moment I’ll know which one he chooses, our futures or a gamble for him to mark me as his, to show himself and everyone else that I’m no one elses as his cum leaks out of me and runs down my legs. I should stop him, make him be safe but I simply can’t bring myself to make him change, to stop him from taking me and marking me as his, his unmedicated cum on me, in me, flooding me again and again. Sooner or later his risk, his willingness to risk my future will affect us but maybe not this time, maybe we’ll be lucky again. Or maybe I'll earn my biohazard tattoo this time.

A while back I was at a Cumunion party, hanging out in one of the gloryhole cubicles. Things were a bit slow, and then something I've very rarely seen came through one of the holes: a guy with a PA. I hesitated a bit at first, not only because I've never played with a pierced cock before, but it's rather intimidating in general. On top of that his gauge was on the larger side. He hung out there for a minute, and I said why not, got down on my knees and started blowing him. He got rock hard almost instantly, turns out on top of the piercing he was thick. My hole was aching to get fucked at that point, so I decided to give it a shot. I lubed him up, turned around, lined him up, and went for it. Awkward doesn't adequately describe those first couple attempts to get him inside me. A combination of nerves and the slickness of the lube made it somewhat difficult for me to get things started, not to mention I had to try a couple different angles to compensate for his piercing. Finally I got him to the sweet spot, he plowed right in, and I felt like I was going to cum on the spot. The initial sensation was extremely confusing: his cock was warm, but his piercing was still cold. But oh my god, the balls on either end of the piercing relentlessly massaged my prostate and the entire line of his thrusts as he pounded me, it turned my cock into a fountain of pre-cum. I couldn't help myself and worked my hips back and forth as hard as I could with the rhythm of his thrusts, my mind skipped pig mode entirely and went straight to unabashed cum slut. Unfortunately he didn't last too long, and although I was sad our fun was ending, I slammed my ass onto his cock like it was the last fuck of my life. He unloaded in me, but I kept fucking him until he pulled out, I couldn't get enough. I had no idea getting fucked by a PA was so amazing, it made me an instant fan. Has anyone else had experiences like this with a PA? Is it always that good?

Note for readers: I always appreciate and read comments - one that I get a lot is "not enough sex". Well I added more sex (starting in part 6). But as I added more sex, I added more characters and the story got more massive. It covers all sorts of sex and does contain some violence. Approach with caution if you are the gentle sort. It's not autobiographical, but there are parts me in the Brian character. There really is no Ted -- even though I sort of wish there was because I really grew to love him as I wrote this story. He's based on several people I've known, met, chatted with or read about in other forms of fiction. I almost hate that this story is finally finished. All characters and locations are completely fictional. Toon I dedicate this work of fiction to a man I was too stupid, selfish and shortsighted to hang on to. I miss you, Sir. 1. BEFORE TED -- 1989 I'm not entirely sure when I turned into such an asshole. I think it all began when I moved away from home and decided to kill the sad loser I'd always been. I needed an extreme makeover. My initial plan to become straight pretty much died when I arrived on campus and saw all the hunks in shorts sand bare chests walking up and down my dorm hallways. It was one of those famously athletic schools with excellent sports teams and generous scholarships. Yikes. I was pursuing a degree in industrial design because I'd heard they could have their pick of high-paying jobs if they had talent. I groomed myself thoroughly and tried to keep abreast of everything"cool" to wear, think and listen to. Little by little - I began fitting in. I worked on my voice, my walk and my smile. The egotistical asshole in me was emerging. I was engaged in my classes and worked hard. Professors and classmates would say nice things about me, and I'd horde every compliment away like I was a squirrel storing nuts away for a long Winter. Nourishment for the jerk I was becoming. 2. A LITTLE CLOSER TO FINDING TED -- 1993 St. Louiburg, Missouri - Well, I'd done it! I landed a great job in big city with a company you've heard of. The stage was set! I moved into what I considered to be a really nice apartment building. I still didn't look the way I wanted, though. I used a few of all my new credit cards to buy a weight bench, go to a tanning bed and get tinted contacts so that my dark brown eyes looked even blacker. I found it easier and easier to meet people and talk to them. I made tons of work friends (mostly women). Jana was my favorite. She was beautiful and smart -- a little on the sarcastic side. We'd have lunch together and she knew the dirt on everybody. She was the kind of bitch you do NOT want to get on the bad side of. Ever. We'd been friends for almost a year when she confronted me about my fashion sense. Her look was serious but there was kindness in it. "Brian, Honey...We need to talk. For a gay man, you have terrible taste in clothes." Huh? I never told her I was a homo. I've since noticed that certain women just know. She had a big mouth--so I guess the whole 'coming out' process would be out of my hands at this point. "I dress just like my manager, just like the guys in my department." "Hopelessly straight bores. I'll take you shopping on Saturday...and then we'll visit my hairdresser." Gulp. OK. You can't refuse Jana. "But I'm not so sure I want to look like upper management. I think I mostly just want to be good enough for a hot man, I'm lonely." "I'll think on that later, Dear." So we shopped at the snootiest menswear stores you can imagine. She picked out formal clothes, casual clothes, underclothes and a few pairs of shoes that cost more than my rent. The haircut was OK - but not terribly different or better than the ones I got at Super Cuts (the ladies are so nice there). We hit some skincare shops before finishing up for the day. All she was doing was gussying up the arrogant prick I'd become...making things worse. 3. TED AT LAST -- 1993 There was a really hot new gay club in town called "Ledge". It was apparently so cool and exclusive that hip. straight couples flocked to it every night of the week. Jana dressed me up one Friday night and took me there in her ridiculously expensive new sport car. She looked like a million bucks and I maybe looked like a thousand at most. She smelled like the kind of perfume you couldn't find at Rite-Aid. The Ledge was in an iffy neighborhood and so she parked a million miles away....in a well-lit lot with cameras and a security guard. I paid and slipped the guy an extra twenty. He was almost ready to hug us both. Once we got to the sidewalk, you could already hear the music and assorted frenzied activity from the club. Jana paused under an exceptionally bright storefront and sized me up and down. She looked pleased. "My god! I'm a miracle worker. Everything is on your tab tonight. I don't think I got your cologne just right -- but it'll be so smoky in there, nobody will notice." "Just stay close to me, Jana. I'm nervous right now." "Don't worry my poor little virgin farm boy. Mother won't leave you." She laughed. This was going to be OK. Maybe even great. And there we were - at the entrance. I was impressed already. It was a HUGE place! I mean, Wow! The cover charge was pretty steep, but it probably had to be. "Don't let me do anything stupid." She nodded and held my hand. This was going to be so cool. We were a bit early for a weekend evening but it was still pretty crowded. We lucked upon an empty table that a couple had just abandoned. Jana adjusted herself primly on one of the tall stools. "Do you see those big, glowing blue drinks people have? Want me to get you one?" "For starters. Just don't fall in love with that hunky bartender. They're perfect and they know it. Tip-loving parasites. This will be your first test, Brian." Well the bartender was a hunk alright. He gave me a wink as I ordered two of those bizarre drinks which were famously called "Neon Windex". He let his fingers linger over mine as I handed him the cash. Sorry. I know your story, shit stain. Jana arched a perfect eyebrow as I approached. "Well done." "What do you think is in these?" "Who the hell knows? Rum is my guess -- with a generous helping of nuclear waste. Drink!" It was good. It didn't taste like booze at all. I suddenly remembered a girl from high school who got pregnant after drinking Long Island Iced Teas 'it don't taste strong, but it IS'. I wonder what happened to her. Not many good things is my bet. It may not have tasted strong but I could already feel a heavy duty wave of something making me giddy. I watched the beautiful crowd. I was not worthy of this scene just yet. I needed more work. I saw a few men that I wanted to undress in jack-off fantasies later tonight. I'd almost forgot about Jana until I heard her slurp the last of her toxic drink. She never drank anything without a straw so as not to mess up her perfect lipstick that probably cost a hundred bucks a tube. I was looking at her pretty face, feeling drunk. "You're beautiful, Jana." "Yes. It's true. Don't think I'm not watching you. I see who you take extra long looks at. You like 'em tall, dark-haired, and I'm almost certain you have a thing for Hispanics. Yes?" A person can only take so much of Jana in a single dose. "Yeah? What about you, Sweetie? Who have you noticed?" "I'm not even window shopping tonight, Darling. I just switched birth control and can't even take the chance of having a penis inside of me." Sensible gal. "Speaking of which - you know not to let any part of a man inside of you that's not covered in latex, right? I refuse to lose you before your time, Brian." "I have a keen eye for news when it comes to AIDS prevention, statistics. and have rubbers at home that I bought the minute I decided I wanted man sex. The box has never even opened. They don't go bad do they? Expire?" I didn't see how they could. "Oh they can...and do! I'll take you to buy the kind I swear by. But remember -- condoms are a little less than 90% effective. Make sure it's worth the risk. Get a guy's history first." "I know all that, Jana. I know condoms can break...because I think I am the result of a faulty 70's condom. My folks were pretty old when I was born. They never wanted to be parents..that much was pretty obvious from the beginning." I'd been coming to terms with that for a long time now. I just didn't want that part of my tragic shit broadcast to a potential mate/husband. "Well -- I'm going to introduce you to my therapist. She'll fix you up good. Now go out there and dance!" Was she serious? No way. "I can't. I haven't danced in front of people since the homecoming dance when I was a sophomore in fucking high school!" "Well...OK. Just go up there and look open to the possibility, OK? Make eye contact with someone you fancy and see what happens. I'll save your seat." I was not going to win this round. Fine. I worked my way through the gorgeous crowd, careful to avoid their careless cigarettes and drinks. At least the music was excellent as it blasted through the billion speakers embedded in the walls. It was that cold British pop/new wave I'd grown to love lately...right after my grunge phase. Good shit. The Darling Buds, Charlatans UK, The Sleepers, etc. The DJ was some kind of genius- mixing snippets of some 80's beats in the songs so delicately you'd just assume they were recorded that way originally. I was transfixed by the sounds as I passed by some big guy hunkered down at a cigarette machine and obviously fighting with it. "GODFUCKINGDAMMIT!" I stood next to him. "Need another quarter?" He stood up fully and cast an enormous shadow over me. My guess is that he was 6'5" or taller...maybe 250 pounds. 300? "No. I put in more than enough money in, but the knob won't pull out. Piece of shit machine!" The problem was simply that his brand was all sold out. "What's your second favorite brand?" He picked and the knob pulled straight out. Ta Da! "Thanks, Kid." "Can I bum one?" "Least I can do. Sure. I'm Ted." He held out an enormous hand for me to shake. My fingers were almost sucked away in the gravitational pull of that giant paw. Hot. He lit the smoke for me and I inhaled gratefully. The crowd had gotten denser and I was pretty sure Jana couldn't see me. She hated smokers. "Brian. Want to dance, Ted?" He laughed wide enough that I could see his buck teeth that had mostly been disguised by his thick full beard and mustache. So what? Perfect smiles were almost always enhanced by a dental intervention or expensive products. "I look like a giant hippo on the dance floor." We went and sat down at a little corner bar that was strategically located where the dancers could quickly hydrate. The stools were all empty and so we settled in. Ted was the kind of guy you had to examine closely because the sum of his parts was too much to take in at once. Huge. Just so huge. "but I can tell you want to go out there....so GO! NOW!" He was bossy in a different way than Jana was. It gave me a thrill and I wanted more. "These really aren't my kind of guys, Ted." "You're kidding, right? What's you're type?" "I don't know. You. You're my type." I don't think I was saying that quite right. "Huh?! You're into big guys? Beards? Ugly faces?" He seemed genuinely perplexed. "I like real men. Authentic." "Well...that type is hard to find in places like this. I'm only here because..." His tone had changed and his face softened, "Well. My lover and I had some great times here -- he loved to dance. He died a few months ago. And it ... he..." I could see tears form in his eyes, Oh man. Dead lover = AIDS = Red lights, danger!! Run!! "Let me buy you a drink, Ted. We'll toast..." "Andy." I ordered us each a simple domestic beer from the overworked bartender who was too busy to flirt. I left him a generous tip. "I'm sorry for your loss. We can talk about it if you want. Or not." "Maybe not just now, Brian. Tell me about you." I gave him a general overview of my current life, nothing too specific. Then the DJ played a favorite song of mine: "White Shirt" by The Charlatans UK. It made me involuntarily bob my head to the beat. "Go dance already, Brian! Don't make me have to tell you again. I'll be right here." I just left him alone there and followed my eager feet to the dance floor. The booze or something made me brave enough not to care who was watching me just dance without a partner. My hips unlocked and I hit a groove. Was I maybe showing off a little - for Ted to see? Maybe. Arrogant assholes like myself always have a secondary motivation for doing anything. The song seamlessly segued into another, then another. Before I knew it, I had a dance partner. Cute guy, my age. He was a clone of so many of the pretty boys I'd seen around. His dance skills put mine to shame. I pantomimed an exhausted, sweaty dancer and moved off the dance floor. He followed. "Oh my god! It get's so warm when it's crowded like this. Oh my God! Hi - I'm Douglas..." He didn't offer a hand to shake. "Brian." I didn't want Ted or Jana to see me with him and assume he was 'my type'. "Want to go somewhere for a minute?" Like where? The bathroom? The parking lot? Uh, NO. "I can't. I'm here with somebody." "So what? I am too. Can I get your number at least?" And then a heavy arm went over my shoulder. "Hey, Babe. Who do we have here?" Ted. He bent down and gave me a whiskery kiss on the cheek. Before I could say a word, Douglas was gone. "Thanks, man." I kind of didn't want him to stop holding me like that. "No problem. You looked like you were trapped." "Ted to the rescue! Want another beer?" "Nah. I need to go now. Some other time, OK?" "Sure." I was about to compose a pout on my face when he took both my hands in his. "May you never have your heart broken, Brian. May you never know loss or pain." He looked as if he was on the verge of crying. He may have made it the other side of grief, but he hadn't made it back yet. He then tucked something into my back pocket. "Don't read this until I'm out of here." He gave me a full on kiss on the lips. Yep - I was into beards for sure. As I made my way back to Jana, I suddenly remembered a story a female friend in college once told me: "The first thing I thought of after my mom told me how babies were made was how horrible it must have been for Wilma Flintstone." I'd never once thought about she and Fred having sex - but it changed how I thought of cartoon men forever. I remember thinking how much I wouldn't mind doing it with Fred or Bluto from the Popeye show. Oilve Oyl should have chosen him over that freaky sailor with the weird forearms. Hell, I'd probably even let Homer Simpson fuck me if I'd had a few drinks first. Jana wasn't at our table. In the place where we'd been sitting there were two scary goth chicks with severely short hair and piercings everywhere. She wouldn't have ditched me. "Brian!" The weirder of the two shouted at me over the music. You're Brian, right? Jana just went to use the bathroom and told us to keep an eye out for you." I just smiled and stood there like a giant squirrel. "I'm Veronica and this is Anika. Go find two more stools, Anika." The meeker girl left as instructed. Veronica gestured for me to sit. "Nice to meet you, Veronica." "Oh just call me 'Ronnie'. Everyone does. This is for you," she gestured to a fresh Blue Windex. "Seriously? These things are lethal." "Yeah. I think she wants to talk to you about something serious." uh oh "About what?" I suddenly felt like I was waiting in the principal's office. Ronnie just shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe about that bear you were smooching." "That what?" "Wow. You're as green as she said. 'Bears' are big, hairy dudes. I've never seen them here before but you found the only one. Here they come." Anika and Jana were each carrying a bar stool. Jana and I were facing them which I didn't like because I needed to read her face in order to gauge her mood and see how much trouble I was in. I took a few heavy sips of toxic waste while we made some friendly small talk that ended too soon as Ronnie stood up and announced they'd let us have some privacy now. No! Stay! "It's time for me to go show Anika off and scare some straight people. Come on, you sexy little bitch." I could easily picture Ronnie walking Anika around on a dog leash. I frankly didn't know much about lesbians, what they did in bed. "Let's switch to the other chairs, Jana. We can't see anything from this side." "Exactly. I need your undivided attention right now." she turned the stools so that we were facing each other. She looked serious but not angry. "I saw everything, Brian. I followed you. covertly. We're here for an hour and you already need an intervention." "What? Why?" I was suddenly fed up with this Daniel/Mr. Miagi thing we had going on. I was a grown man for god's sake! "Look. You're new at all this. I get that, OK. But when I saw you go straight for the biggest, fattest, hairiest guy in the city..." "I wouldn't call Ted 'fat'. He's just husky, solid." "Ted? Ted's the pig's name? A Ted is someone who installs siding or fixes your alternator." "What about Ted Kennedy or Ted Nugent?" "Did you really just use those two names in the same sentence?" "Whatever - that's awfully judge-y coming from a woman with two ex-husbands! He's actually going through a hard time right now. He's grieving." She looked at me with something new in her eyes. "I'll be damned...I think I saw you show some empathy for a moment." "Moment's over, Darling. He's not interested in dating anybody right now." I didn't tell her about the dead lover or the note he gave me. I couldn't wait to read it, but not in front of her. "OK. Tell me more about him, about this Ted." I gushed about his rough hands, his giant boots, his warmth, his perfect beard. And on and on. "He only looks rough, Jana. But maybe that's my type. I'm still figuring it out." "It's a stage I went through in high school. I liked 'em rough and 'bad' on the outside but tender inside. I guess you're basically just twelve years old at this point. Welcome to junior high," That second drink was affecting me something fierce, My brain wobbled. "Think we can go pretty soon?" "Yeah. Fresh air will be good for us, Don't think I didn't see you with that cigarette....you may NOT smoke in my car or my house or anywhere within ten feet of me." We ran into Ronnie and her pet Anika on the way out. "You guys are leaving already? Well, drive safe. I'll call you next week, Jana." She stuck out her pierced tongue at us which I guess was considered a friendly gesture in her world. "Are you a lesbian now?" I was kidding, but you had to be careful when joking with Jana. "If only. I'm just too fond of men and what's in their pants. She and Anika run a vintage clothing store. We're all going to get pedicures at this place she recommended. I also gave her your number...in case you want somebody to accompany places where men like this 'Ted' hang out. I'm certainly not going with you. Plus, I think she has some decent weed connections, FYI. " Once we were back at the entrance, I noticed the hot bouncer. He obviously worked out intensely - like nine times a day or something. Huge shoulders and biceps, completely shaved head and a tough silver chain around his thick neck. Hot as fuck! "You folks leaving already? It's not even midnight!" His eyes sparkled like a demonic coyote's would. Jana came over and stood directly in front of me. Rude. "Sorry. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. Ta!" She practically dragged me through the exit by my ear. "Honestly, Brian! He had to be 50 years old - at least." We made our way through the parking lot. "Here's the thing about those really giant dudes....their dicks are not in proportion. They look tiny on the their big frames even though they'd look perfectly fine on an average-sized man. Also -- that whole myth about big hands and big feet just isn't true. If it was, no woman would ever be stuck going home with a little penis." "Maybe I don't care about dick size, Jana." "Really? I tend not to care -- unless they're really small. Those little things hurt when they stab around down there. Hung guys are more bearable, but those guys tend to have little else to offer a girl AND they generally have some form of STD. I got crabs from one of those big cocks I brought home in my my 20's. Guess I'm just lucky I didn't get warts as well." She sighed. "I've lived a life, Love. God my feet hurt!" "Well, you're the one who had to wear those fuck-me heals and who parked so far away." "Hush now. We're having a sleepover at my place tonight. There's a nighttime moisturizer I want you to try. I have some decent wine chilling as well." "And "Grease" again?" God, I wanted to destroy that tape with a magnet or something when she wasn't looking. I guess it held some special place in her heart, the way movies do with some women who saw them at a crucial time in their lives. "It's either that or "When Harry Met Sally". Decide now or I'll just drop you off at Memorial Park for all the rough sex you want." God, what a bitch. The street got a little darker and creepier for a block or two. We saw some homeless guy standing up and singing/yelling some hymn: "He is my rooftop! My rooftop! You hear me, Motherfuckers?!" After we passed him, Jana grabbed my right arm. "If you do end up with some big brute, you have to let me borrow him as a bodyguard sometimes." "Deal." There was a new security guard in the lot when we got there. He came scurrying from his little booth "Pretty lady! Pretty lady! Miguel told me see for you! Nobody touch your car, Pretty lady!" She gave him an air kiss and we were on our way toward the highway. "I still have the shorts and t-shirt you left from the last time." "Did you at least wash them?" "I had them cleaned. Yes." "You live so far away!" I was all whiny like entitled assholes tend to be. 4. TED'S LETTER It was a fun night I guess, but I was still glad to be back in my own apartment. Ted's folded-up note was still in my pocket, exactly as he'd left it. His fingers were the last to touch it and I'd slept with my jeans folded up under a pillow. Jana was a known snoop...even when she was drunk. It was now time. It was almost a full page written on the back of a hot pink, photocopied flyer for an AIDS charity walk or something. BRian -- Sorry if this is hard to read. Bartender wiped down the bar and its still wet. Your a good dancer! I could watch you dan ce all nite. But I'd rather take you home and fuck you brains out!! (smiley face with devil horns). But I cant be a boyfrend for a long time - ....i9f if ever. Not that your interested. HA HA You mite be the best looking man in the whole city!! We cant date but I would like to be friends. Please call me at --- ----. Soon. OK?? You owe me a cigarett HA HA (smiley face with little hearts around it) TEd I read it twice. It didn't smell like him - just the bar. Why would I ever call him if there would be no sex happening? I kept it as a souvenir in a little stack of letters and cards I meant to put in an album someday. If I'd been a good person, I would have kept in touch. But, oh well. I needed someone to 'fuck my brains out'...and that's all that mattered. Ya know? 5. MY TED OBSESSION I went through a long dry spell when my only social contacts were with Jana and new pal Ronnie. I didn't try going out to the 'rougher' bars by myself even though Ronnie had offered to go with me to a few places. I was in love with my own misery and drinking alone while playing Tetris and listening to some new CDs. The drinking thing was becoming a problem I needed to be careful with. My parents didn't drink, but almost everyone in their respective families did. Fuck it. It wasn't my problem if I could blame genetics. I thought about Ted every single day. He was the perfect one for me and he was gone forever. I must have thrown away that note of his during one of my psycho cleaning binges because it was lost. Why oh why didn't I ever call him?? A better person would have called him right away. A better man. We had another sleepover at Jana's place - Ronnie included. We'd never stay at my place because I had the habit of leaving the toilet seat up, and Ronnie owned a tarantula plus a boa constrictor. Jana wouldn't tolerate much...but expected us to put up with her quirks. Like "Grease" and now "Xanadu". Dear God. She and Ronnie seemed to dig that movie for various reasons. They kept trying to convince me that terrible films with huge budgets and big stars were a valid art form. We were drinking some fancy wine made from pears - I think. Is that even possible? "I mean - you can just taste and smell all the cocaine involved with filming this shit. There were writers still working on the script while the cameras were rolling!" Ronnie was sitting on the floor with me. I like floor people. Jana was lounging on her huge leather sofa like Cleopatra. "It was the last great gasp of the 70's. It's a moment worth cherishing!" I was not in the mood for this bullshit. "A shitty movie is just a shitty movie, ladies. I saw "Flash Dance" at a pivotal time in my life but I don't feel a deep need to relive it a thousand times! Christ!" Ronnie paused the movie and looked at Jana. "It's time, Honey." They helped me up to the couch. Uh oh. This was serious. "OK," Jana said solemnly "We were going to wait until we finished the wine, but now is as good a time as any..." "You two bitches have been talking about me?! I don't need this bullshit. I'm leaving NOW!" Ronnie put her hand on my knee...a tender thing she'd never done before. "I drove you here. Remember? We're just concerned...you've been on this 24 hour bummer for too long, Brian. It's become exhausting for us. Can you just listen for a minute?" I really wanted to say 'no' and keep my bad mood but I was trapped. "Yeah. But no more conspiring. OK?" Jana put her head on my shoulder. Her hair smelled like expensive raspberry jam. "We've reached our limit, Brian. There's nothing left for either of us to say. You need to talk to a professional. I see a therapist and I really think she could help you too. Her name is Deb and she's very good. She takes our insurance plan and you'll only have to shell out for a small copay. I trust her." What could I say? Something did need to change. It was worth a shot. "Will you go with me?" She kissed my cheek and then so did Ronnie. "Of course! She's a counselor and a really good friend. We go out for drinks and dinner all the time! You will just love her! I'm going to go call her right now!" Off she went, leaving Ronnie and I on the couch. She was wearing an over-sized Johnny Rotten t-shirt that I secretly coveted. "Have you seen her before? This Deb woman?" "No. Well, I met her once. Complete and total Earth Mother. I tend not to mesh with that type. Doesn't mean she's not good at her job -- I just, I don't know. I mean, it couldn't hurt just to talk to her, right?" "I guess not. Thanks." "No problem. Want to help me hide that tape somewhere?" Evil grin. Jana came bounding back into the room with a happy bounce. "She'll see you on Tuesday at 6 PM. We'll go after work. That's it for details. She was up communing with the moon or Venus or something." uh oh I drank the rest of that bottle of pear wine all by myself. Jana complained about cramps and went to bed early. Ronnie and I felt like unsupervised children. We found a pay-per-view zombie movie on TV and smoked a little hash. "So what's up with Anika?" "Who? Oh. She left town all the sudden. I think it was something to do with a kid she had when she was 16 that's in the legal custody of one of her sisters." "Do you miss her?" "Not especially. I'm only a part-time gay." I'd never heard of such a thing. "Lucky! I was as given a full-time position - the workload is killing me. Did I say that out loud or just think it?" She laughed. "Oh Pumpkin! Is this all about that guy? That 'Ted'? What'd the deal with him?" "I don't know. I don't. He was so perfect and now I've lost his phone number. He wasn't even available. His lover died of AIDS. Don't tell Jana. I think he might also have it, but he looked healthy. Don't tell Jana." Her look changed. I'd said too much and now she would probably wake up Jana and tell her everything. On the TV screen in front of us, some muscle dude split a zombie's head in half with a shovel. I could relate to that feeling somehow. "Even though I look great in black, I don't want to attend your funeral any time soon. Wait...are you a chaser?" "Huh?" Her face was looking like Tetris and I was trying to make it fit together. I'm pretty sure hash and I would never be friends. "Are you a bug chaser? I always forget how new you are, Brian. Those are guys who are turned on by the idea of getting HIV from fucking. Is that you?" "NO! Not at all. The weirdest thing I want to do is kiss his feet, suck his toes." "Ewwwww!! I've heard of men being into women's feet, but never that. I've met every freak in the city and that's a new one. You need to discuss it with Deb. Maybe she knows what's up with that." "Yeah. Does it seem to you like this room is full of old bottles? Like, from the 1930's? I sense old bottles everywhere." "Maybe it's for the best that you're not with him. Maybe a part of you was smart enough to lose his number because calling him would lead nowhere good." Let's just say she wasn't the only woman in the city who thought the universe had done me a favor by severing the brief connection I had made with Ted. The crazy hippie therapist Jana dragged me to thought my 'higher self' was keeping me safe. That Deb bitch was crazy. There wasn't one New Age theory she didn't embrace fully embrace. Past lives, Eastern medicine, gem therapy, Native American spirits, dream interpretation, Taro cards, runes...you name it. I kept going back to see her for probably the same reason Jana did: She let me get away with anything and didn't judge my shitty behavior, Nothing was my fault. The universe was to blame. The only useful thing I got from Deb was the habit of writing in a journal daily. It's because of that habit that I remember all the details for this next chapter.... 6. HAVING SEX WITH EVERYONE EXCEPT TED Now we finally get to the good stuff. I started what I now I refer to as 'My Slut Era'. Getting laid and getting drunk the only things I cared about. I just missed out on a promotion at work because I was usually too hungover or too butt sore to do my job with the same flair as I had before...before I started chasing every dick in town. The upstairs neighbor I didn't even have to leave my own apartment building to lose my virginity. I often ran into Lex in the elevator and at the mailboxes in the lobby. He was a cute little gay guy That had assumed I was straight until one night when we ended up giving each other serious hickeys in the parking garage. My hunger for sex was obvious all over our necks for the next couple of days. It got more and more intense every time we were together. He was only about 5'6" or so, but he took care of his body. Hairy chest. His dick was nice sized and uncut. He was some kind of find -- or so I thought. There something troubling about him. I really liked sucking him off, but he wouldn't cum in my mouth even though I really wanted him to. I kept pestering him until he finally told me he'd never been tested for HIV. He was too scared. "What would I even do if it came back positive?" Well... I didn't know what to tell him. I had always just assumed getting tested was part of gay life and that wasn't likely to change any time soon. I was biding my time until we'd try the butt stuff. I was the one who brought it up first. "I've got some condoms and this new tube of lubricant." He didn't say anything. We were lying in my bed, watching "The Real World" and I just wouldn't let the matter rest. I pulled him on top of me and we kissed passionately. I reached for the box in my nightstand drawer. "Want to put one on?" He smiled and nodded quickly. Cute. So he fucked me right there on my new sheets. It really didn't hurt too much because he was so, so gentle and let me set the pace. I'd also used nearly half the lube on us. Problem: It just wasn't as hot as I wanted it to be. He wasn't into dirty talk, saying not much except 'your ass feels so good'. Maybe if he'd been a little more dominant. Oh well - he'd popped my cherry and I guess that meant we were officially boyfriends and would eventually become 'life partners'. I wanted to take his last name and let him fuck me every night That contented, domestic feeling lasted for almost six whole days before I started having doubts. He was just so meek. ..and he talked all the time. He told me about how he and his two older brothers used to all have sex together in the the same bed when he was a kid. It occurred to me that he might have more baggage than I'd have room for in my tidy little life. I finally decided he wasn't worth giving up other possibilities for. I needed something better than Lex. We drifted apart gradually - only to get back together a few times. I treated him like shit and didn't feel all that bad. Nothing was my fault. the upstairs neighbor's best friend I'd seen Tony around many times before. He and Lex hung out a lot, went to the gym together, etc. He was kinda cute in an exotic sort of way. I never even saw him naked. We just ended up making out in the laundry room once and Lex caught us. My rotten luck. They worked it out somehow but I was not forgiven. They each eventually moved out of the building which solved problems for all of us. I never saw nor heard from either of them again. Whatever. the dancer/stripper/escort/porn star I finally went to a bar by myself. Ronnie told me I should try a place called "Backstage" because it was just a regular gay club where regular gays went. I went there on a Saturday night that also happened to be Halloween and the end of daylight savings time which meant the place would stay open until 4 AM. It was a fun crowd and lots of guys were in costume. I wore a black shirt which was my only nod to the holiday. Most people seemed friendly and the music was pretty good. I just drank Bud Light and waited to be noticed. When a dozen hunks didn't immediately run over to pursue me, I just sat at a table by myself and pouted. Couldn't they see how great I was?? I must have been on my fifth bottle of beer when somebody finally emerged from the shadows and sat down next to me. He was tall, blonde, maybe mid-30's, and wearing braces. Not bad looking, really. He introduced himself as "Rick" which I later discovered was just one of the many names he used - depending on the situation (more on that later). We made the smallest of small talk as the crowd thinned out a bit. He asked if I wanted to come home with him and see the new litter of puppies his chihuahua had. He raised and sold them as a 'side business', I followed him in my car. He'd claimed he was a 'property owner' but he should have just said 'slumlord' because his building was a dump. Oh well. I'd seen worse, I guess. The inside wasn't so bad and not at all what I'd expected. First thing I noticed was a giant vase full of peacock feathers - just like my grandmother had. She was 85. He turned on the stereo and invited me to sit on the floor with him. It was a strange mix tape and he casually mentioned that he sometimes worked as an erotic dancer and was always looking for new songs. I mentally went through a list of songs in my collection that I thought a male stripper might dig. A week or so later, I brought over "Peek-A-Boo" by Siouxsie & The Banshees (a group I'd discovered in college). I remember sitting in roughly the same spot on the floor as he played the tape and tried dancing to it. I was embarrassed for both of us. He asked if I wanted to smoke some weed and I declined. After that recent hash experience where I saw old bottles and carnival glass all night, I was done with smoking any sort of herb. He would later tell me that my weed refusal was inspiring to him. ??? He started rubbing a hand up and down my thigh and I guess the mating ritual had begun. We got naked right there in his living room. Let me just say that he had the biggest, most impressive penis in the world. What I was seeing just didn't seem possible. I mean, I couldn't even fit it all into my range of vision from this close. GIANT! This is a quick sketch I made not long after my first night with Rick. Doesn't really do it justice "Go ahead and touch it if you want." I knelt down on the floor as he stood just inches away from me. I felt it with respect and care with my fingertips which just made it thicker and heavier and I finally just kissed the purple head. There was already some slime leaking from the slit. It tasted sweet. "Yeah!! Can you suck it a little?" I tried. I really did. But I got the head in my mouth and not much more. It was a piece of equipment that could not be properly cared for by someone like me. My lust wanted to take it the way down my throat and into my lungs. Rick seemed happy that I was making an honest effort. I let my fingers feel his toes. I still hadn't fully explored this foot fetish of mine with Deb, but knew I should. I guess there was no time to think about that now, with an 11 inch, fat cock hanging in front of my face. What that the hell was I going to do with this thing?? I guess Rick would teach me. Soon. He led me upstairs as I realized I never did get to see the puppies. My host had a very nice ass. I wanted to touch and kiss that too! His bedroom was super dark. I always slept with some kind of light on. Deb seemed to think it was because I'd been molested as a child, but I'm pretty certain that never happened. I let him lead me to the bed -- which was massive and so, so comfortable. Unmade. Over the years I'd have sex in many unmade beds - but I always made sure my own was made each morning. He wanted to fuck me with no protection, but I just couldn't. Wouldn't. He reluctantly found a condom and put it over that massive tool of his. He then started licking and french-kissing my asshole. Panic! Had I taken a shit before or after my shower? I didn't remember. I sorta didn't like him doing this. The sensation was nice, but the idea of it was all too wrong. Shouldn't I be licking HIS ass? Shouldn't he be sitting on my face? I had so much gay to learn. Seriously...I wanted him to stop. I didn't like being pleasured when I wanted to give all the pleasure. Let's just say it didn't go very well. His dick was just too big. That thing belonged in a museum - not in some helpless rectum. I tried my best to assure him the spirit was willing and so forth, but I think he was still pretty salty at being asked to wear a condom. I guess nobody had ever asked him before which was troubling in a whole new way. We slept together in the dark and parted in the morning. I didn't have high hopes for a future with him. But he called later in the day. "Good morning, Brian. Happy Halloween!"(it was noon on November 1st) "Yeah. It was yesterday but that's okay. Thanks. Sorry about last night, Rick." He paused, probably to make sure that was the name he'd used. "No. I'm the one who should apologize. It was not okay for me to act that way with you. We probably should have talked more first. You just turned me on so much and I was trying to force something on you that you clearly weren't ready for. Can we start over?" "Sure." I really wanted a relationship that lasted longer than a day, a week. "Great. I need to go to the mall today. Want to come with me?" I did. Around that time in the 90's, giant malls were in the final stages of their glory days. You could still spend a whole day in one. No empty stores. No Libertarian headquarters. We ended up genuinely liking to spend time together. We saw "The Accused" in the theater (not really a great date movie), we went out to dinner, and he even took me to some pretty fancy parties where I got to meet some high-profile people. But we never got the intercourse problem solved. He insisted on not wearing a condom. "It'll go in so much easier for both of us without a rubber. It's like taking a shower with a raincoat on. Know what I mean?". He also refused to get tested. He claimed he was 100% certain he didn't have any diseases. '"Then why not get tested, Rick?" "Because I might get a false positive -- and that would ruin my life. I'm a businessman and need to stay motivated, excited about the future.'' OK. Flawed logic, but OK. We reached an impasse. I wouldn't get fucked without a condom and he just wouldn't wear one. We did other stuff and still thought of ourselves as 'boyfriends'. I thought that eventually I'd convinced him to get tested and he thought I might get horny enough to let him go inside me bareback. We did lots of oral stuff in the meantime and I thought that would last. But... But one night he decided to whip us up a pitcher (or three) of margaritas. I'd never had them before. Good shit! He also convinced me to finally get high with him. I should have kept my wits about me. I really should have. But it was a fun night and I liked being around him. I'd brought over a bunch of CDs that I thought he might like. His stereo system was excellent. I remember not being able to tell if the music was too loud or too soft...which should have been a warning sign. I remember him admitting that he was basically a stripper who did 'other things' as part of that profession. He was basically admitting he was a prostitute. He also claimed he'd made some porn videos in San Diego. I think I asked if he'd give me an autographed copy of one of them. I think he promised he would. I also think I gave him a foot massage but that might not have happened. Probably the last thing I remember is getting under the covers of his bed and him saying something about it not even being midnight yet. And the rest is a blank. It was morning. A few strands of bright AM sunlight found their way through his closed blinds. I'd just had a dream about being on a sinking boat. The water was strangely warm and I was all wet. A sliver of wood or a nail had stabbed me in the gut and I was going to die. Wait! No! I was awake! And that fucker was on top of me with his too big dick in my ass! He was either raping me or already had. It hurt like a mother and I yelled. Loudly! "Get the fuck off of me!! WHAT have you DONE??!! ASSHOLE! You slipped me something!!...you did something!!....I'M CALLING THE POLICE!" He looked like he'd just woken up too and was confused as well. He looked frightened by my fury. I found my clothes downstairs and got dressed. I bled all over his carpeting which had seen better days anyway. Fuck that shady bastard. Fresh air! I wasn't dead and could still breathe in this chilly Autumn air into my functional lungs. I had that at least. I was walking on some really uneven pavement. That was also good. I drove to Rick's but didn't feel like I could trust myself behind the wheel right now. Who knows how much blood I'd already lost. Plus the various chemicals in my bloodstream. As my head cleared, I puzzled out the previous night. He didn't drug me. I drank way too much -- which was becoming a pattern with me. I made that decision as well just like when I willfully accepted hits from his bong. I'd put myself in a vulnerable place. He made the decision to use that for his own purposes. I guess I'd get AIDS now. Plus every disease those hookers on "Cops" usually had. Sadly, my only thought right then was how much I needed a drink. I kind of knew this neighborhood. It wasn't so far from my apartment. I know I'd been down this street. I think. Thankfully I was wearing black jeans because otherwise the blood would be obvious and some cop would stop and think I was in danger. Oh I was! But not immediate danger. I turned down the street which had a name I recognized. OK. I wasn't lost. And there it was - a bar I'd never noticed it before. It was called "Pals". It was open and there was rainbow sticker in the window. I had to wonder who in the world would come to a bar at 7:40 AM on a Sunday morning. Oh right -- alcoholics. I'd fallen pretty far in the past year. Fuck it. I went inside and it was almost empty except for the bartender and one other customer. I got good feelings from this place. The bartender was a super skinny guy who was probably in his 40's. "Rough Night?" "You have no idea!" I sat at the bar and immediately felt a needle-like pain in my ass. I winced. "Honey -- we've all had nights like that. My name is Sammy. What can I get you? Want our Sunday Brunch Special? A bloody mary and a pitcher of domestic beer for five bucks." "Perfect!" He walked away to make the drink and I glanced over at the other guy at the bar. He was maybe in his late 60's and very, very drunk. He was either sleeping or dead. I mean, his forehead was almost on top of the bar. "That's James," Sammy said. "He's the mayor's brother if you can believe that shit." I believed all shit now. Every last turd that life had laid and would lay again. "Extra 'mary', please...or extra 'bloody'...whatever the booze part is. "Will do. I used a dill slice instead of a celery because you need the electrolytes." Perfect. Once it all arrived I no longer wanted a whole pitcher of beer. I needed to pay anyway -- but the wallet was in my back pocket and I didn't want to go near my ass. It was bloody and gross back there. No way was I touching my backside. "Sammy...I...it's just that my wallet is ...it's all bloody and -" "Forget it! New customers get the first round free. I'm the day manager here and I decide who qualifies. Hell - I'm the night manager too, I guess. I'm not the owner, but I sleep with him." "What's his name?" "Lester...but he has a big dick. People think his name means he is some hick with a tiny penis - but that is NOT the case." I'd reached my lifetime limit of big dicks. At least the smaller guys couldn't almost kill you. "Want my beer? I don't think I can handle it right now. The bloody mary is good though." He brought out the full jar of dill wedges and a bag of chips. "Eat. I can order a pizza from Pyramid...they're open already." He took a long, lusty swallow of the beer and I dug into the chips. "Want to talk about what happened?" "I was raped." He put the beer down. "By WHO?! WHERE?! I can call the cops if you want. I have a gun in the safe and will go kill the guy myself!" "No. No. I just got too drunk and smoked some herb...I'm the one to blame here. I've been making some awful decisions lately." "Doesn't mean we can't still kill him." He grinned a little. Drama diffused. "You can get AIDS from just one time, right? I'd only been fucked a few times in the past year. And I really bled a lot." "You can. I mean, it's possible. But not probable. Does he have the virus for sure?" "He said he didn't know, but told me he was pretty sure he didn't." "OK. Did he come in you?" "I have no idea. He was still hard inside of me when I realized it was happening. "So there's a chance he hadn't come yet. And there's a chance he wasn't infected in the first place...and even if he was, you don't know what his viral level is. Lot's of things have to come together in just the right way at just the right time for this virus to pass from person to another successfully. It's harder to get AIDS than people think. In fact - it's easier for a woman to get pregnant. My sister and her husband took over ten months of nonstop fucking before she got knocked up. My nonprofessional opinion is that you're probably fine. Get tested in a month and then in another month after that. Just for your peace of mind." I felt better. I ate the entire bag of chips as Sammy kept pouring me free drinks. I'd come back here soon and leave him a hundred dollar tip. Maybe even later today. "I can't believe how close I live to here and never even knew this placed existed." "Lester won't spend a dime on advertising. He believes that good service is the best way to keep good customers coming back." "Well, you've got a customer for life here now...and I'll be a walking neon billboard for 'Pals'." "Great. But you need to take care of yourself right now. Go home, take a long hot bath and then sleep all day. Eat a steak tonight if you can, Build up your iron and sodium levels. Maybe take a few days off from work. Abstain from letting anything near your ass while it heals. In tens days, you'll be tight as a virgin again." That was good. I'd been afraid I'd be ruined for good and no man (no Ted) would ever want to fuck me again. "When are you here, Sammy?" "Always! We hired a new guy but he lasted all of four hours." "I'll be back soon. Thanks for everything." I turned to leave. "Oh, Brian -- " "Yeah?" "Think about something, anything else for a while. Worrying won't help. And consider that maybe it all went down differently than you think. Hell, I've gone to bed totally wasted and started fucking some young guy while I was still mostly asleep. I was just hard and putting in the nearest warm hole. Poor kid freaked out a little and I was just like 'huh'? I'm not saying he's not a bad guy -- but maybe he's not as bad as you think." 7. HEALING ... FOR TED'S SAKE. AND THEN FAILING HIM AGAIN I had so many messages on my machine when I got home. the first was from Jana: "Where are you, Brian? You never call me anymore." (not now, dear) from Ronnie: "What's up? Jesus - will you please call Jana so she will quit bugging me. Did you find Ted or are you still with the stripper guy? I still want to meet him." (no way) from Deb's assistant: "Hi Brian. It's Laura. Deb wants to know if you can change your Tuesday appointment to 7 instead of 6. Call the number." (I'd just cancel) from my dad (!): "It's your father. Remember you need to renew the tags on your car before the month is over. Mom sends her love." (that's a new one) from Rick (!): "I'm really sorry, Brian. I still don't know what happened. Your car is safe. I won't have it towed. You can come get it anytime or I can bring it to you. Call me. I'm so sorry." (I needed a day or two before I could deal with this) from my boss: "Hi - it's Marcus. Sorry to call so early on a weekend morning. I'm just letting you know that there was a major water leak in our building and everything in the office is ruined and it will take several days to open our floor. Fucking Christ, I'm taking the family to the Ozarks. Enjoy your surprise vacation! Later." (sometimes the universe pays you back for a really shitty evening) I took a hot shower and cleaned every trace of that night away, being extra careful around my damaged anus which was still raw and throbbing. I retrieved the cash and cards (mercifully free of blood from my ruined wallet that I'd replace with the new one Jana had given me (she thought the one I had looked cheap). I had a three hour nap and woke up feeling new. I needed to make a call. Now. "Hello?" "Hi." "Oh my God! Brian?! I am so so so so sorry. I would never hurt you on purpose - I hope you at least know that much." "I don't know what I know right now...or what I think, Rick. But i need my car. If you drive it over, I will give you a ride back to your place." "Sure! Give me a few minutes. I've been painting some property and need to change." "Fine. I'll be waiting out in front of the building." CLICK It was a wonderful, crisp November early evening/late afternoon. I sat on the little iron bench in front of my building and watched people walking their dogs. Lots of dog owners in this neighborhood. I breathed in deeply and made plans. I needed to fix my life (again). I'd find a better therapist who would help me in real ways -- not just listen and allow me to make excuses for my shitty behavior. I needed to understand my need for sex and my weird kinks...and eliminate them. I'd go to A.A. (Ronnie knew people who were in recovery) I'd stop leading such a sordid life and totally get back on track. I would totally get the next promotion that came along and make huge paychecks like Jana did. Things were going to be different now. Startin-n-n-g-g-g...NOW. NOW!! And there was my car, looking way cleaner and fresher than I remember. Either he'd washed it or I was just seeing it with new eyes. I hopped up and ran over to it. I got in and sat next to the guy who might have infected me with AIDS. I wasn't that same man now. "You want to take the wheel? I can just drive us back and then you can take it home. Whatever you want." "Just drive, Rick." I'd keep my cards close to my vest just now. "It's kind of warm for this time of year. I was painting with the windows open and actually broke out into a sweat. I'm so relieved you're letting me do this for you, Brian." We were close to a steakhouse called The Yard that was sort of famous in the area. "Turn here. I haven't eaten much today." He did, parked. "Want me to just wait here while you eat? I didn't even bring my wallet." "No. Come with me. I'll buy." What was I doing? Asking to be violated again? No. I trusted the new person I'd become to know what to do...to be smarter than the old me. He was silently shocked. The place was packed, but Rick knew somebody there and we got a table within minutes. A client? I wondered. I wanted something, anything medium-rare. Bloody. T-bone maybe. I told him to get anything he wanted because I was just grateful my car was OK. The waitresses 'Kendra' arrived to take our drink orders. "I'll have a bloody mary - extra heavy on the hot sauce." I guess the new me could still drink socially if he wanted. Rick just ordered the same -- minus the hot sauce. "This is all surprising to me, Brian. Penny for your thoughts." "It's all OK. You'll need about a million pennies to hear them all." "I'm good for it." "Well, first -- I'm going to get tested in a month and you will too. We're going together." "Yes. I will do it. I owe you at least that much." "Secondly -- I want to know what you remember about last night. Go back as early as you can...because I can't remember very much." "Do you remember when you were trying to convince me I should try stripping to 'Born to Hand Jive'. You thought it would be brilliant if I could hand jive with my dick out. And then you tried to teach me how to do it and kept messing up. It was funny. We were getting so drunk." "Wow. I don't remember that part at all." "And then I remember you giving me this wonderful foot massage which was so unexpected and felt amazing. Then you just gave total attention to my feet -- licking and sucking and kissing. Nobody had ever done that for me before. Not even my ex-wife. I can still feel it even now. Seriously." "I remember some of that." The new me wasn't into feet. It was too weird. 'Oh man...I'd love for you to do that again!" I never will, buddy. Never. "Yeah, yeah. What else?" "Don't get mad - but you were super horny after that. I guess it's a fetish you have. It got me horny too. We were all over each other...and naked. You actually sucked me to the point that I think I was close to coming. I mean -- you were a pro. There are porn actors out there who couldn't take as much of my dick as you did." "Really?? I don't remember that at all. Did you come?" "No. I think I was too wasted because I got soft and that disappointed you. You kept saying you wanted me to shoot a load in you. And then you just went to sleep on the floor. I had to wake you up enough to get you into bed. The very last thing I remember was how good it felt to have you in my arms. It was perfect. That's all I remember. And then I woke up to you yelling. I swear that's all the information I can give you. But, Brian...? "Yeah?" "It's still my fault. You are not to blame for any of that." "I willingly got very wasted and apparently very horny. I have to share the blame." "No. I should have put the brakes on when I realized how out of it you were getting. I'm older and more experienced. You were raped...plain and simple. If I had a daughter and she got herself in the same situation - I would have killed the guy." I probably shouldn't mention Sammy and his loaded gun. That was that. We ate in pleasant peace and I drove him home. "It's still nice out. Want to go sit on my porch for a while?" "Sure." If that sounds like a terrible idea to you, imagine what I was feeling. He had a recently restored railing on his porch and a nice bench that looked new. I wondered if he built it himself...he had carpenter's hands. "Thanks for dinner, Brian. I haven't had a steak in forever." "No problem." I don't know where this forgiveness came from. It wasn't like me. The old me could hold a grudge for decades. He produced a fat joint from somewhere and lit it. No way was I touching pot for a long, long time. The new me didn't do drugs. "My mattress is completely ruined, if it makes you feel any better." "Aww. It does. Thanks." He laughed and kicked off his sneakers. No socks. Rick then propped his bare feet up on the railing. He knew what he was doing, I knew what he was doing and I'm pretty sure he knew that I knew what he was doing. He was the first man who tried to seduce me with his bare feet but he wouldn't be the last. I needed this test, I guess. "You crack me up. I'll have to pay a couple of my guys to go dump it illegally." "Tell 'em to burn it as well. Probably looks like somebody was murdered there." I really had bled a lot. I threw away those brand new jeans away already. "If I end up mysteriously murdered somewhere and they find that mattress - you'll be a suspect. You won't believe what forensic science is capable of these days." "Yeah..and,,." the weed was already having its way with him. Must be good shit. One toke wouldn't hurt the new me. The new me could do things in moderation. So we shared the doobie and talked about stupid stuff like nothing traumatic had ever happened in the last 24 hours. My eyes stayed on his toes as he curled and flexed them. Hypnotic. There was a fleck of emerald green paint on the edge of his big toenail. Green was a lucky color. Right at that second, his automatic porch light came on, putting us in a very harsh, indiscreet spotlight. Instinctively, we moved inside without saying anything. The couch had a pillow and blanket messily arranged on it. I guess he took a nap there today. He lied back on the couch and asked for another foot massage. The new me was not so new because I went to work right away. His feet weren't as big as Ted's but at least a size 12 regardless. I rubbed, massaged, probed and got a boner as he moaned with pleasure. The new/old me went ahead and kissed the big toes. We all know where this was going. While I was looking and licking, he'd freed his own full-erect penis from the fly of his out-of-style white jeans. If we're being honest here (and that is what I'm trying to be with this story), that legendary meat was the only reason I'd agreed to ever be around him in the first place. You can only imagine its glory, friends. Seriously. I never even hesitated as I moved to take it in my mouth. It turns out I really was a pro at sucking dick. I took more of that thing than you'd think a human was capable of. Fuck it. There was no new me. I wanted his cum in my throat this time...and whatever came with that sperm was worth it. There would always be time later for consequences. This time he really did cum for sure. The majority of it went down my throat, untasted -- but I got to savor a few drops on my tongue. It had a harsher taste than I would have imagined. For future reference for guys who like being blown: Avoid red meat, alcohol,coffee and salt. It didn't matter to me then, but I would later think of his cum as the worst I'd ever tasted. I knew Ted's cum would be sweet nectar but he was on Jupiter somewhere I suppose. I didn't even bother beating off. I would later. "You are the most surprising guy on Earth, Brian." Not really, as it turns out. "I mean, two hours ago we were talking about getting tested for AIDS and then...." "Sorry. There's something about you, Rick." your cock "Want to start over? Pretend like we just met?" "That's a great idea. But not right now. I need to do some stuff tonight." He looked a little hurt. "Well...I guess we could meet up tomorrow sometime." "Yeah. Do you know if I can get something 'to go' from The Yard? I want to stop there and get some more food." "You can. Want me to call for you?" "Yeah." I wanted to bring something to Sammy. The guy did not eat properly and I owed him big time. A steak would probably too hard for him to eat while tending bar -- something really hearty he could munch here and there. Fries suck when they get cold. Think, think. "OK. What do you want? They're waiting." "Prime rib sandwich - like a french dip. Horseradish on the side. No fries. Ask if they can substitute a side salad instead instead." Yep OK 'Brian'." He hung up the phone. "It'll be 25 minutes." "Perfect." "Since we just met....can we kiss a little?" And that's what we did. I was a little surprised he wanted to kiss me with his semen still in my mouth. It was maybe the most romantic few minutes of my life. He mentioned something about how he wasn't looking forward to the next day because he was going to be doing roof work for hours. He emphasized that he'd be ON HIS FEET for hours. Well I offered to give him a really good foot massage so he'd be prepared for the labor. "I mean, it's a weird thing to offer on a first date, but I've got about fifteen minutes to kill. I mean -- unless you think that's too weird. Never mind." "That would be so perfect -- Brian was it? -- I had a great foot rub recently and it did wonders." And you can guess the rest. I got up to leave. It was fully night now. Chillier. I have no idea what would have happened if I'd stayed the night. I was now a professional dick-sucker, foot massage artist...and not too shabby at role-playing. Time to go. "Hey, Brian...." "Yeah?" "This was the best first date I've ever had." I winked and left. I took the food to Pals (with five twenties stacked on top of the salad) and Sammy was there. He was wearing the same clothes as this morning. Poor guy. He needed somebody to take care of him -- the Lester guy wasn't doing the job very well. It was still early in the evening --the crowd was sparse. I needed to think of a way to to help the business. Somehow. I needed to think - but needed a drink first. 8. STILL NO TED IN SIGHT Sammy and I became became the best of friends, Jana who? The same old me was back -- but maybe a little more open. (and not just to cock) I had entered one of the early stages of alcoholism. I went to Pals almost every night after work and stayed until I stumbled three blocks home. Sammy was a better therapist than Deb could ever hope to be. It feels good to talk - just talk, QUICK EDIT: Sometimes it helps to just have somebody hear you. Feel free to contact me through this site...I know what it's like to need a friend when things are in a very bad place.. I'm not exactly the person who appears in these stories. OK? He never asked about my "rapist" and I never talked about that again. Rick and I were seeing each other pretty regularly -- doing everything except fucking. That's a good thing because I was healed up but starting to have rape fantasies. (!) Don't judge! I wanted him to fuck me so deeply that we could make a baby together. I felt a need to bleed! Why? I'd neglected Deb and Jana for so long. Ronnie and I still hung out, but she was into men now and always doing 'stuff'. "You are looking so much better these days, Brian. New diet?" He was kidding. You just have to know Sammy. We were doing shots with some random guy who had this armpit odor that was turning me on. New fetishes were emerging almost daily. I swear. I would consider a threesome with smelly guy and Sammy -- that's how drunk I was. My libido was somewhat out of control back then. Remember being 27? Armpit guy left and Sammy and I were just alone there. "Am I ever going to meet Lester?" "Yeah. He wants to meet you too. I told him about you, what a special customer you are." I hated that I always looked at him sexually. He had a small frame, and seemed like a total bottom. But.... "Do you think that guy was a hustler? That B.O. guy?" "Not sure. They tend to end up on Congress street where the bus station is. There's a few bars there that are very vagrant-friendly. Lester won't have them here -- but I welcome all. Like the Statue of Liberty. Hey -- are you ready for next week?" "Huh?" "It will soon be 30 days from that morning you showed up here after sex with the jerk who left you all bloody. Remember?" "Oh yeah." I barely remembered. I still had the smell of him on my shirt from earlier today. He'd been using paint thinner or varnish or something and reeked of it as I serviced his feet and cock. "You'll be OK. Want me to write down the address for you?" "It's the place next to that 7-11 -- with the bullet holes in the glass, right?" "Yep. Want me to go with you? It;s free...and you can give always give a fake name." "I think I'm ready to take this on alone, but thanks." What I needed to do was circle back around with Rick about all this again. We hadn't even mentioned it since that first discussion at The Yard. And to think I was all ready to live a completely celibate life that night. At least what we'd been doing wasn't all that risky when it was looked at scientifically. I didn't have bleeding gums and knew better than to brush my teeth right before one of our 'dates'. I was just so addicted to his dick and his cum. And I liked him. Genuinely liked being around him. He was basically a big ol' stoner who had some secrets I knew better than to pry into. What I loved about Pals was that it was like a home base for me now. I found a 'community' there. I met folks who were worthy even if they didn't exactly give that impression at first. I'd be so lost without this place. I was drawing a lot back then and had written and sketched some ideas to give this place a little publicity. My first idea was a new logo -- for the front of the building, business cards, matchbooks,and t-shirts. It was kinda fashionable for guys around my age to wear random tees under sports jackets. I made sure Sammy could me up with a time to meet casually with Lester. I had more ideas about this business for which he was not giving enough care. My opinions were the only ones that counted back then - remember? Here's a rough logo design I came up with: very early, very rough logo I made with markers and paper. Computer tools were not at my disposal at the time. A cleaner version was made and is still in use today. Sammy loved it and immediately set up a meeting between his Lester one early afternoon. He was an old fucker. I'd guess 67 - 70-ish. Not in the greatest of health and a chain-smoker. He could still out-drink anybody. "It's a little hard to read. But I still like it. The 'L' looks like a big penis." "Exactly. I'm a little sick of all the sterile, corporate 80's designs that are still around. This place is unique, human and invites a second look." "I know what them symbols mean. It means 'male', right? It does. I like the dick you put in there -- not too obvious." It was based on Rick's cock but I didn't mention that. "I'd wear this t-shirt, Lester. I know a guy who screen-prints shirts and stuff. He lives in my building. You could sell them here." "Sure, sure. Sounds great. I'll pay you for the design OR offer you another deal. I can offer you the opportunity to be an investor in this place...as well of some pother bars I own. They are just breaking even and I need somebody with fresh ideas as a partner. As long as you keep on thinking like this, keep giving me young ideas, I'll let you buy in for......100, 000 dollars. " I was not a businessman, but couldn't let him know that right then. "50,000 $ + all my ideas -- for a 20% stake." We kept negotiating until a deal was made. I basically drained the modest trust fund my favorite grandfather had left me and added all the money I was able to borrow against the profit sharing account from work. Also my savings account. I'd been saving for a nicer car - but this was a better investment. I thought so, at least. I hated my corporate job. It just didn't leave enough time for fucking and relaxing. We toasted the deal...many times with many shots. My tolerance for alcohol was becoming alarmingly high. I had almost no limit these days. Rick had even mentioned it offhand. He had has his own demons and was in no place to judge. As exciting as all this was - I knew I needed to get tested for the HIV antibodies. Rick agreed to come with me but needed to get stoned out of his mind first. I wasn't looking forward to this, but getting high didn't seem like a good idea to me -- not at all. I signed in as "Danny Zuko" while Rick could only come up with "Abe Lincoln". Oh well. He tried. We couldn't go into the same room together to get blood drawn which scared him. A very pregnant Asian woman took my sample with latex gloves on her tiny hands. The counselor had a bad cold but relayed all the information she had to and loaded me up with free condoms, lube samples and as many pamphlets as she could fit in a plastic bag. Rick had her as well. It was done. Four days passed. Danny was negative while Abe was positive. Fuck! Poor guy. He fell apart. "What do I do now?? I'm doomed, Brian!! I hate you for making me do this!!! I should shoot myself tonight. When will I start getting those spots? And pneumonia? You won't want to be around me anymore, will you?" His hurt was killing me. "You're wrong! Rick -- I'm in this for the long haul. I will be here for you no matter what. Night and day. You're just carrying around antibodies for a disease you don't have now. There are new treatments now. Science has really improved these days. Clinton is fully behind funding more research. AIDS won't be a death sentence much longer -- it'll be more like high blood pressure or diabetes very soon. I'm here. Let's get you home." I never got a chance to celebrate my negative status, I got him into his bed and covered him with the new comforter I'd bought from Macy's. I had this real need to take care of him. "Brian? Will you hold me?" Sure. A nap sounded good. I wasn't going to work much these days (I was on the verge of quitting, but would get a nice severance if they cut me). I took my shoes off and climbed in next to him. I hugged him hard as he cried himself to sleep. The new mattress (another gift from me) was super comfortable and we snoozed. Was it "love" that kept me there? Or just something close to it? I still had regular sessions with Rick...mostly foot rubs, but also swallowing his infected loads. But now I was dealing with a new career. My boss's boss offered me a consultant job. Perfect. I'd make the same money but didn't have to shave and dress up every day 9 to 5. "You're our going to be our idea man, Brian. The world web - or whatever it's called - is here and we need to be on top of that. We'll get you set up with all that. Don't go to a competitor and we'll treat you right." He wore a bow tie (with a grasshopper pattern), but I accepted the offer. It never occurred to me tell Jana about all this. Rumor was that she'd been headhunted by some big firm in California. The other rumor was her having a big good-bye party at a trendy restaurant and I was not invited. Neither was Ronnie (who was still into men, but never the same one). She was my closest gal pal now and I showered her with generous gifts too. I bought her an exotic scorpion (alive) and a big aquarium to keep it in. She was happy to get meet him that she screamed! She gave him some Aztec name I never bothered asking about. Life was really good. I hoped Ted's life was good too - but he was too big a thought to fit into my brain these days. I was always thinking and drawing and coming up with ideas. I met with Lester weekly and we discussed more things we could start doing to make money. The t-shirts were a big hit, and I wore one almost every day. I guess it was my way of 'coming out' - even though I'd never officially been in the closet really. I brought Ronnie to Pals one night and she was a big hit. A few us regulars decided we needed to write a one woman show for her. She was psyched about the idea. I even convinced Rick to make his comeback as an erotic dancer. This all meant spending money on a stage, better lighting and sound. Lester always looked severely constipated when money had to be spent. And advertising was a must. I'd just pay for that on my own. 9. MORE SEX WITH EVERYBODY BUT TED It's funny/not funny how promiscuous I'd become after the negative test result. I'd once gotten the idea I'd be done with sex as long as I could keep my health. Nope. Beside regularly hooking up with Rick and swallowing his poz cum, I was still hunting for more. I craved danger, sex, dick, feet, cum and ... Ted? Lester seemed to think he was still around. "Big guy, right? Beard? Ugly as fuck? Hands the size of ham steaks? Yeah. He's here. Still in town." He wasn't good for too many details because it was already noon and he was close to passing out. And then he did. Sammy smiled at me, walked over and poured us a few shots. "It's weird...you're kind of like my boss now and we haven't even had sex. Yet." I flat out loved this weird guy. "I'm too freaky for you, Sammy. Too damaged." He snorted. "Doubt that, Brian. It's more like I think of you as a little brother ... or a nephew. I don't do incest." "Yeah. Whatever you say, Sammy." I did a bit of work here and there for my company, but spent most of my time hunting down new dick. You'd think Rick's penis would be enough to keep any fag busy, but I could not help myself. I still had some small hope of being in an actual relationship, a marriage. Probably just kidding myself. But still... went through another round of men. I now had a computer and internet access...but it was mostly slow and boring back then. I hunted. the leather whisperer This guy came out of nowhere. I'd made a decision one Saturday night to bathe, groom and get dressed up. It was cold outside which was good because I liked sweaters. I had some really nice ones. Tommy Halfiger. I went to the bar where I'd met Rick. I liked the DJ there...he'd contacted me to do some P.R for him. He wanted to be "a brand". Yeah...I'd have to see his dick first. (and a toe or two) I was just a sex-hungry bottom and this place was nothing like I'd remembered (it had been a little over six months since that crazy fun Halloween night when I met Rick.) They were all kids now. And small. Short. Tiny bulges and even smaller feet. A few people tried to get my attention, but I just left in a flurry of arrogance and disgust. Asshole was back. I could either go home, go wake up Rick and blow him or just hang out out at Pals. So I went to see Sammy and was sad to see such a small crowd. i didn't know what else to do. "Hey, Boss! You look nice, Been somewhere special?" He was sly. He was funny. I loved him. "Stopped at 'Shadows' for about 20 minutes. Every guy there was tiny....with little shoes - like children. I need a drink...a real one...." He arched an eyebrow., leaned over to me -- muttered. "Size 14's at the end of the bar. Be careful." At the corner of the bar was a dude who was fully decked out in leather. Plus a 70's mustache. He wasn't bad looking, but it was hard to tell because the brim of his leather cap was pulled down so low. Hot. I was so full of hormones that night.... "Hi. Looking good. I'm Brian -- how are you tonight?" He was clearly drunk. "Well. I'll tell you, Bobby boy...,.The world is a really, really shitty place. Have you noticed? I mean..." He took a minute and regarded me. "You're a cute boy, Brad. But I should probably go home now. I started a little too early tonight." Damn. I was starting to love the smell of all that leather. He was tall too. Sammy brought over a pitcher of beer and a shot of whiskey. He dropped the shot into the pitcher and it foamed up, pretty as a poem. Cool. "What the hell is that? Root beer?" I didn't know what it was called, but it tasted nice. "I'll buy you a drink if you stay...if you can rally. It's early, man." "Yeah, yeah. get me one of those root beers." I turned Sammy's way and he was already bringing a second one. He knew me too well. Or he already knew this guy. "What's your name?" "I'm Luke. What's yours?" "Uh....Brian. Where else have you been tonight?" "Section. It was dead tonight. Hardly any cruising. You gotta go at just the right time there. Good happy hour. Lasts an hour longer than it does here." Hmmm. I wondered if extended happy hour prices were the key to bringing in more guys like him. His crowd obviously had cash to spend on expensive gear (not to mention the cleaning you probably had to put into it), I was thinking like a businessman these days. "You think this place could be more like Section? Bring in more studs like you?" He was hot but I was thinking of my investment just now. "You're fucking cute, Bob." He gave me a scorching look of lust I found flattering even though I wasn't trying to cruise him. "Move over a few seats..." I moved two stools away from him. ?? "One more." I wasn't getting something that seemed to be going on. Luke adjusted himself a little and then stretched out his long legs across my thighs. Oh. So I guess he saw the sex animal I was beneath the expensive sweater and business talk. His boots were indeed huge -- maybe even bigger than Ted's. The smell of leather, the feel of it ...I mean, DAMN. "This doesn't seem like your kind of place, Bobby. You a preppy or something?" I'd never licked the leather sole of a boot before but I was about two seconds away from doing just that. I was content just looking at them for now, holding them with respect. Luke. H Luke. His boots were the only redeemable thing about him. "No. I was just at Shadows and had to leave. not my kind of crowd." "Yeah. You about tired of twinks now? You need a man. Somebody to whip you into shape." "I think you're right about that, Luke." I would do just about anything for him to take control of me right here and now. He shifted his legs to the floor and made me move over next to him. "We'll discuss matters now." Weirdly, this magic drink seemed to have sobered him up a lot. "You're gonna buy us shots and then drive me home. It's not far." "No problem." I motioned for Sammy who was already giving me a look that said 'I've seen this all before.' "Two shots of whatever Luke wants." "First of all... you get credit for already knowing my name somehow. That's good for friends -- but I'm your master now. Your owner. I need to be addressed with more respect. Details will come later. Do you understand?" "Yes. Yes, SIR." I could play along with this. "Very good. Now tell me about your life now. I really don't care too much, but it might help things as we proceed. "I'll be 28 in a few months. I'm a consultant for emerging businesses and an investor. I'm not rich -- but working on it. What do you do, Sir?" "You don't get to ask questions, slave boy. But I'm feeling generous just now. I'm a substitute teacher and also an actor in community theater. Most importantly -- I own boys. Cash slaves. You're going to be paying my bills now." "Absolutely. Yes." Sammy had warned me to be careful. I was usually one step ahead of guys, but Luke was a whole new specimen. I would get out of this with just some quick sex. Somehow. To move this story along, I'll just hit fast forward: We got really drunk and I took him home. I stripped and knelt at his side and read the owner/slave contract out loud. I signed it and he tried handcuffing me to a hook in his ceiling that was meant for a hanging plant. My weight pulled it loose and plaster rained down upon us. It was embarrassing and ultimately kind of boring. We finally got naked and he had a very nice dick that wouldn't give Rick any competition, but it got dramatically hard despite his drunken stupor. He demanded I put him in my fantasies and tell him what I'd like to do in bed. I said I wanted him to rape me which surprised us both. It was a background fetish that took center stage all of the sudden. He wouldn't do it and was actually pretty rigid about safe sex. Too bad -- I had stopped caring about that. I wanted total domination and control. He really was just an actor after all. I got him off but wasn't allowed to taste his cum. I just left. It was still early...I could always just stop by Rick's place. the Indian pilot I was only at Section to gather research. Lester owned a pretty big bar in the suburbs and wanted it to serve the straight fetish crowd. swingers and assorted freaks. (my suggestion) I didn't understand the appeal of this place -- until I found the basement level. Some serious cruising was happening down there. Dark and smelly. You could hear blow-jobs happening in almost every corner. Cool. I guess this place was virus hibernation central. People were getting less careful now. The internet was here and 'barebacking' was being discussed on forums and in personal ad spots. THAT was the ultimate fetish I'd been on the way to this whole time. I was indeed a bug-chaser. I could go to Rick's house right now and talk him into 'gifting' me right now. But, no. I still needed to find Ted first. He'd be the key. The answer. Would I find him here? Was he still even in town? Alive? That's when I met Shri. (I really have no idea how it was actually spelled). He was from India and spoke with a very pronounced accent. He said he was a pilot and had onion breath. I didn't really mind. He was tall, lean and pretty aggressive. I'm not sure why he approached me since I hadn't really bothered getting dressed up or caring how my hair looked. I was drinking gin and tonics that night. Shri and I were dressed almost the same, now that I'm remembering it. As much as I liked black leather boots - I still had a thing for white Nike high-tops. Especially massive ones! I had never met a large Asian before ... they had always seemed petite to me. I hope I wasn't racist in addition to all my other asshole characteristics. His hands were all over me right off the bat. And we kissed passionately right there in front of everybody...not that even one person cared or even bothered looking. I liked this place! I'd be a return customer for sure. Shri and I went back to his hotel room at the fucking Hilton. Maybe he really was a pilot. He got naked and I saw his big tan dick flopping all over the place. He was only half-hard but already it still stirred a breeze as he moved. Oh yeah! Jackpot! He wrestled me to the bed and we were all tangled up for what seemed like forever. I remember trying to rub those long feet of his but he wouldn't have it at all. I wonder now if he was just ticklish or if it was a cultural thing. Some of those barefoot countries thought the feet were unclean and best not noticed. Condoms were never mentioned. I thought I could just do this...get fucked raw and be done with it. But he was so addicted to poppers. I mean, he just wouldn't stop sniffing that little bottle. I didn't like them. Made me dizzy and not at all horny. Just the secondhand smell was making me sick. But Shri seemed to need it like it was oxygen or something. My stomach turned over and I. had to just leave. I couldn't imagine vomiting in front of him in the fucking Hilton no less. I actually did throw up -- on some sports car in the parking garage. It was too late to go to Rick's place. Oh well. the total kink freak I hate myself for not remembering his name . I never wrote it down in my journal for some reason. He could be really be the star of a whole new story. Let's just call him "Roger" for now. I met him in the weirdest way. I decided to finally address my drinking problem and Deb suggested I see this acupuncture guy who had an office in the absolute worst part of the city. He was a tiny, chain-smoking Japanese man who always looked on the verge of death. Insurance didn't cover this and so I paid fifty bucks each time I wanted to get stuck with fifty different needles. He was also selling me herb pills with not a word of English on the label. I took them. I maybe felt better afterwards (even Rick commented that I was drinking less and had a noticeably increased libido). I kept going back. It didn't hurt and his voice was soothing. He said wise things in between his coughing jags. He became my spirit guide. Sort of. So anyway -- I was walking out of the decayed building when I met Roger. He was obviously gay. Not exactly handsome but interesting. I'd later find out he was working for a non-profit place that delivered food to underprivileged families. He drove a truck. "Hi. How are you? I'm Roger." It was March but still very chilly out and he was only wearing a t-shirt. "Hi. I'm Brian. You need a coat, man!" "No. I am always running hot and I move around a lot. I like the cold. I was born in Minnesota. Played hockey in high school." Well, he didn't use complete sentences very much, but I could deal with that. I tried so hard not be a snob. Asian herbs were maybe helping with that. "I was born in a climate not too much different than this. It's usually warm by now. I can't skate. Never learned." "I'll teach you. If my skates are still in decent shape. Size 13 skates are hard to find." uh oh I had to wonder if guys just sensed my weirdness back then. "Need a ride?" "Nah. I'm parked just over there. I don't work regular hours and just got done having an acupuncture treatment." "Whoa! Really? You got stuck with needles and shit??" "Yeah. It doesn't hurt at all." "Cool. I have an hour left on my shift. Want to meet up for a drink later?" "Sure. Ever been to Pals? It's a great place." "OK. I prefer The Tent, though." The what? "Sure. Where is it?" He looked at me like I was joking. "Where you been, dude? It's the oldest gay bar in the city!" I stood there looking like an idiot. "Hey - why don't you just come with me as I finish delivering some stuff. It'll do your karma some good. We never have enough help." Sure, Mr. Size 13 skates -- I need the karma points. "OK. Let's go." The alarm was set on my car and I'd kind of gotten used to leaving it behind on my sex adventures. He was right about the warmth that came with doing real work, I was sweating and his own personal heat made the inside of the cab even hotter. I got hard. I could smell sex coming off of him. The Tent was indeed very old -- and very close to my building. I swear -- I lived at one of of the three points on a Gay Bermuda Triangle, Everything was so close to my life. It was a dump. The building looked on the verge of collapsing at any second. And you couldn't just walk in....you had to be buzzed in electronically. Like it was a high-security prison or something. uh oh It was bad. I mean -- disgusting. There was some skeletal looking guy wearing just a jockstrap,..and he was actively sucking on the boner next to him at the bar. I should probably think about not being unsafe ever again. Too much shit and ugliness. My bug-chasing seemed so stupid right then. We each got beers and Roger just looked at me...head to toe. "You hate it here, don't you?" "No. I just..." "Play darts? I'm in a league now." Ugh. I never knew why gay guys liked this game so much. Lester had shelled out big bucks for a new electronic dart game at Pals even though I voted against it at first. It turned out to be a huge hit. Weird. This Roger and I kept drinking and let out hands move over each others bodies. I liked where this was going. I started having some thoughts I hadn't really had before. "I want to lick your ass, Roger." I'd never felt that like doing that with anyone before. but was now whispering it in his ear. I blamed the vibe in this bar. What I first thought was just filthy sleaze was the best kind of filthy sleaze. Reckless. "Thanks, man! I'd love that!" He was so happy that he kissed me deeply. We probably could have just done it right there and nobody would give a damn. The beer was dirt cheap and we had more. And more. We were basically dry humping each other there in the open between rounds of darts. As it turns out, I wasn't too bad at this game. He wanted to do some shots, but I asked if we could just go home together instead. It might have been my horniest moment ever -- and I'd had more than a few. So we left. He lived in a very small apartment in an old building. His queen-sized bed was right in the middle of his living room/only room. OK. I was getting used to every and any kind of shitty apartments when hooking up with strangers. It wasn't that bad, really. A single gay dude our age, working for a non-profit could do worse. I just knew he had a lot of sex here. You could feel it, smell it practically. This was going to be fun. I guess he was still thinking about my offer to eat out his ass because he guided me to the bathroom. We stripped and he got in the shower. It's kind of a shame because I was really loving the smell of sweat he had. A working man's sweat. Rick had it most of the time and I never wanted him to shower before we got down to business. I needed to call him tonight. Taking a shower with somebody is never as erotic as the movies make you think. It's cold, awkward and a little too slippery when you've had some drinks. He soaped his ass and pits well and I did the same - even though I'd just showered before the acupuncture appointment. I wanted to be clean before he defiled me in every way he could think of. After we toweled off, he opened the shower curtain wide and lit a votive candle sitting on the vanity. "We'll come back after the tub dries." Wink. I had no idea what he had in mind, but I was up for it. We went back to the main room and he basically threw me on the bed. YES! We made out passionately and that big ol' dick of his was already leaking a little. He squatted over my face and I just went for it. The hole was hairless and tasted like Dial soap -- with just a hint of funk. I tongued it and kissed it and everything. I was now a pro at something else. Roger moaned and squirmed until I guess he just couldn't take it anymore. "Wow. I need to fuck you now." Yeah! I saw him move off the bed and fish out a condom from somewhere. Shit. I was so ready for a bare cock to go inside of me. Poz me. "See if you can make the latex break, Roger." He hesitated. "Not such a good idea. I fucked a guy bare the other night and I never meant to. He might have diseases and I can't put you at risk until I get tested." I really couldn't talk him out of it. He had an odd bend in his cock that made things a little too difficult after he entered. I couldn't handle it. The angle just made it impossible for my ass to cooperate. "Sorry. It'll get easier once you've gotten used to it." I never doubted there were other bug-chasers out there - but I was starting to think that real gift-givers were rare. I reluctantly made him pull out and wondered if I would ever be capable of taking the rape I'd fantasized about for so long. Probably not. Roger saw the disappointment in my face, "How 'bout I fuck your face for a while?" Sure! That angle made taking him whole difficult as well. I guess I'd lucked out so far with all the straight, perfect boners I'd had. I mean, Rick's was fucking perfect. I had been spoiled. "Don't worry. we're going to celebrate the day I hit those tonsils." Sounded good to me. We kissed and humped passionately for a good twenty minutes before he jumped up and went to the bathroom. I could really get into this guy. "OK. Tub's dry. Come with me Brian NOW." Oh, yes sir! It was dark and smelled like soap and whatever floral scent the candle was, he put a blindfold on me. That made me a little nervous. I was a visual guy. Once I was unable to see anything, he put me in the tub and told me lay back and relax. The tub was still slightly damp. And a little cold. I'd never been blindfolded before. That's when he dripped some hot melted wax on my chest. It hurt a little but in a good way. Cool! It was a turn on but not really enough to get me going - plus I was afraid he'd drip some on my exposed dick. But it was over. Then I felt a heavy stream of hot urine splatter me. A first for me. You can't imagine how instantly that gave me a boner. It even smelled good! He emptied his bladder on every square inch of my body. I could do this every day of my life. "Wow. That almost made me cum! I loved it." He chuckled. "Yeah. I noticed." I rinsed off and met him back in bed. Of course I went straight for his bare soles and gave him the best foot rub of his life. His feet were nice but the heels were very hard and calloused. Working man's feet. "Are you a runner? A jogger." "Yeah. Can you tell just from how bad my feet are?" "No. They're great. I should probably start too. Where do you run?" "Georgia Park. It's nice. I guess prostitutes have been killed there a lot lately, but I've never seen anything bad. Even at might." An idea was forming in my head. The sex part of the session was over and we just talked even though neither of us had cum. Sometimes you just don't have to. When I got home, I had messages from Ronnie and Rick. Later. I immediately called Roger again. Most times I just wanted day or two of no communication before talking to the guy again. "Hello?" "Hey! It's Brian. I just wanted to say again how much I liked meeting you." "Great. Me too! It's still early - want to go back to The Tent?" "Nah. I need to get some work done now, but I'd like to invite you over to my place tomorrow night. I'll give you the address. Got a pen?" "Cool. Want me to bring something?" "Sort of. I was thinking you could jog here and let me clean the sweat off of you with my tongue. Head to toe." "Oh....OH! Yeahhhh! What time?" "Whenever. Maybe after rush hour is over. Like around 7? I can make dinner for you as well." "Deal! I'll call just before I head out." "See you then." This was a first. I tried to never bring sex partners here. Even Rick had only been here twice. And I'd never ever made dinner for anybody. I just liked the idea. I had a dream about him that night. By the next evening, I'd straightened the place up a little but not too much. I'd picked out some CDs I could play. I'd gotten everything ready to make BLTs. Is there even one person on Earth who doesn't like a good BLT?? He arrived a little early, wearing sweats and a dark green windbreaker. He was glowing from the run. Nice. "It's warmer outside tonight, but I wore the jacket so I'd sweat a little more for you." Wicked smile. How do you make small talk with a sweaty guy you're about to worship with your mouth? "Want me to hang up your windbreaker?" "Nah. I'll keep it on until later. This is a nice place. What is it you do again?" "I'm a consultant and do various business work for other companies." "Cool. Can you show me around?" There really wasn't much more to see except the kitchen, bathroom and my bedroom. Well, you know where this is going. He immediately plopped down on my bed. I liked that he did it without being invited to. "Nice mattress. Can I move in?" "It's new. But not as big as yours." "Here I am, Brian. Get busy." I just loved how there wasn't one shy, retiring thing about him. I peeled off his big sweaty Reeboks first. The odor hit me and it was sexy as fuck. The socks were warm and damp. He thrust his hips up so I could get his sweatpants down. No underwear. His fat dick was engorged but not completely hard yet. I loved the aroma of fresh sweat, but the taste was even better. Salty and manly. Better than bacon even. He was fully erect now and putting his hands behind his head. I got the message. I worked each pit with pure passion. I tasted and inhaled everything. EVERYTHING! I got him sopping wet everywhere with my saliva. He couldn't help but jack off right there. "Fuck! I'm gonna shoot!" I covered the head with my mouth and he let go right away. I tasted everything. I don't think I'd ever be the same after this. Roger was the kind of freak I'd been looking for. I wanted to do it all over again."Thanks, Babe. Are you hungry yet?" "Oh yeah. Definitely. Nobody's ever made dinner for me before." "Don't get too excited. I was just going to make BLTs." "Awesome. Want me to get dressed or stay naked?" "You decide. Just be comfortable." He wore the sweatpants and nothing else and walked to the kitchen. He wanted to watch me cook and make idle chat. I got completely dressed (bacon splatter) but didn't bother with the cool apron Ronnie gave me for Christmas. Roger was a real guy and would probably smirk if I wore some goddamn apron. He sat at my kitchen table with his legs crossed and a bare sole facing me. See what I mean? Guys found my sex weakness and used it to practically paralyze me with lust. We ate happily even though he thought it was weird that I didn't have a TV in my kitchen. We had a few more nights like that. I happened to mention I wanted to be raped. Mistake. "You don't mean that. It's one thing to say when you're all horny...but it's a horrible, unsexy thing when it happens to you. No pleasure whatsoever." Whoa. I'd stepped on a landmine somehow. Was he molested as a kid? Had a bad experience? It was the beginning of the end for us as a couple. It wasn't just the rape talk. He basically admitted he was a big whore and couldn't be tied down to just one guy. It was probably for the best. I was still hung up on Ted --who only existed as a painful memory now. And there was Rick now. He'd gone through some dark days since the diagnosis. I was on call for him at all times. the black cowboy, the guy who didn't speak English, a bunch of guys from the personal ads, the chiropractor who was as former monk, the random dudes from Pals I was being a whore myself. I'll just skip them and get to the best part of this story..... 10. TED AT LAST I was having another business lunch with Lester. A liquid lunch of course. The stage and the lighting were all finished. I was trying to convince him we should have drag queens once a week. "The crowds would increase. People love them gals and drink like crazy when they perform." "I don't have the space here for more dressing rooms. I already put in a nice one for your stripper boyfriend and he didn't really in bring much of a crowd. No. This ain't no drag bar, Brian. Now let's talk about the cocktail napkins you wanted." "Dudes write their phone numbers on those. They're not expensive." "Neither are the ones I can get from Sam's Club. I'm open to your matchbook idea, though. We might as well do it before they put in a smoking ban for the whole damn city. But you have to pay for those yourself. You owe me me that much." "How do you figure, Lester? We can't keep enough T-shirts in stock these days. I see them everywhere I go.I'm the reason this place is making you a profit." "I did you a big favor, kid. Well...Sammy helped. Buy the matchbooks and take on extra grand for all this construction, Deal?" "What 'favor', Lester? Are you just drunk-talking now?" "This is where trust comes in. You write me a check now and come back at 9 tonight. It just might be the best night of your life." What? Was I going to get a plaque or something? I was too curious not to agree. I was making more money off of this investment than I'd ever hoped I would. My dad would be proud if I'd bothered to talk with him....like ever. I wonder if I'd remembered to give my parents the new phone number I got s few weeks ago (I was getting calls from that Shri guy at all hours for awhile). I haven't spoken to either of my parents for a long time. I needed to let go of my anger and resentment at them, The last time I'd had an appointment with Deb, I had asked her some real direct questions about how to just forgive them and move on. Her advice was so fucking weird that I knew my time with her was about to expire. "Some souls are in too big a hurry to get born. They cut in line, so to speak. As a result - they end up in the wrong families. I can grieve about that with you when you're ready." "What about the whole bug-chasing fetish I have," "I have a friend who's a psychic (of course she did) and we discussed this phenomena we're seeing more and more. Your generation was coming of age just when the disease hit with full fury. You were force-fed too much scary information at too young an age. We all eventually 'chase' what scares us. It's quite human." That almost made some sense. "And my thing with rape? Feet?" "I read a study once that claimed those things might start in the womb. When you're just an embryo, you're all curled up like a little tadpole. Your brain and feet are practically touching during critical stages of development. It's more common in men than women. I also think it's part of your desire to be dominated." "Yeah. I remember you saying something about that came from having a bad relationship with my father. But it wasn't so much 'bad' as it was 'nonexistent'." "Same thing, Brian." Really? Hmm. It might have been the most enlightening discussion we'd ever had. But it was getting close to 7 and I needed to get go ready for Pals and Lester's big surprise. I doubted it would be worth the two grand I'd just put into his business this afternoon. How could it? I wore my Pals t-shirt with vintage varsity jacket that Ronnie had held for me at her shop. Some jock from the 70's had obviously excelled at every sport that existed because the big white 'B' patch had every little medal pinned to to it. Business had picked up, but it was still a little early for a Friday night. Sammy and Lester were sitting at the bar having a conversation...a conversation that immediately stopped when I approached. "What's up, guys?" A few secret smiles were shared. I was not so much excited as I was curious about what was supposed to be 'the best night of my life'. "Oh not much. We were just talking about the new bouncer we hired. He doesn't come in until 9." "I thought we were going to do the interviews for that together. It's a good for me to help screen applicants...especially since it was my idea in the first place." "Remember what I told you about trust, Kid." Fine I was still a little pissed off, but Sammy smoothed things over by pouring us some shots. Lester drained his and left. ''You'll like him. Big ol' fucker that has some security experience. Ain't nobody gonna mess with him." Well I guess it sounded good, but not terribly thrilling. Lester was a bullshitter, but Sammy had always been level with me. So far. "Cool." "Well -- I can show you one of the surprises now." We just got these in this morning. He hefted a big box onto the bar. New sweatshirts and long-sleeved t-shirts. All black except the logo was a tad smaller and done in white instead of pink. Lester thinks we can sell the sweatshirts for 25 bucks and the t's for 20. He paid for these himself and is having the display shelves constructed as we speak. "The markup is a little steep, but we'll give it a shot. We might have to reduce the price if they don't move." "Cheer the fuck up, Brian! You can take as many as you want. Hand a few of them out to any hot men you might meet." "Yeah, Great, I think I need a sex break for now. Get me a Bud Light, would ya?" "Giving celibacy a try, huh? I give it less than 24 hours. It's just a feeling I have." Whatever. Lately, I was feeling burnt out by hook-ups. And shamed. I'd even stopped writing them down. Sammy kept staring toward the door. I thought he'd see every hunk that walked in and then tempt me to hook up with somebody. "You need to get out of this mood. You're no fun anymore." "Gee, thanks." The beer was extra cold these days because I'd convinced Lester to upgrade the refrigeration system and replace the taps. Sales had improved by more than 20% and I figured we'd recoup the money by the end of the year...especially if we had a really hot Summer. "Oh look! The new bouncer/doorman is here. H'e's early. That's a good sign, right?" I spun the stool around. And there was Ted! In real life. For real. "Oh my God!" "Surprise!" He looked a little different than I remember.Put on some more weight, shaved off the beard but kept the mustache. He also seemed a little unwell somehow. But still awesome all the same. Would he remember me at all? I guess he did because his face lit up with a smile. Sammy handed me a shot of tequila to take to him. "Brian! It's really you! Wow! You look exactly the same.." "Great to see you again, Ted! You start working tonight, huh? Have a shot!" "Thanks! I'm a little early because I wanted to get a lay of the land. I forgot how small it was." "How did you land the gig, man?" "I was here and the bartender, that Sammy guy just offered me the job our of nowhere. I'm getting paid in cash which is a major perk. I actually came here looking for you!" He blushed a little. "What? No way!" "Yeah! I asked around and finally met somebody who thought you worked here. Or owned it or something." "I've been searching for you too. I don't really own this place -- just an investor. And - wow! It's really you!" "Yep! I was afraid you weren't interested after you never called me. I don't blame you -- I was in a bad place that night and probably made a bad first impression." "No. No -- I was instantly excited but I lost the number. Must have thrown it out by mistake. I'm kind of careless sometimes. But I remember every word, memorized it." It wasn't a total lie - it really had been a mistake to ever 'lose' that number. His smile got even brighter. I've still got 30 minutes before I start. Want to sit for a little?" "Yeah. Yeah. Definitely," Sammy gave us more free shots and kept lurking nearby with a smirk on his face. "OK. That's my limit. I'm starting work now and am not even supposed to mix alcohol with some of the meds I'm on." "Oh. OK." I figured there'd be plenty of time for him to tell me things if he wanted to. Sammy looked at me with sparkling eyes. "Brian? Can you help me with something in the back for a second?" "I'll watch the till," Ted offered. I'm still in shock that THE Ted was here. We got to the back where a new computer was still in the box. Lester had wanted one but I was dreading having to explain to him how to use it. "You seem to be really happy all the sudden!" "I don't know how to thank you, Sammy! I owe you big time!" "Here. Help me with these." There were two new bar chairs there. Nice ones. These are sturdier than our regular ones and had nice padding. "One for the doorman and one for me." My ass is too old for the my other chair and I figured your boyfriend would appreciate how strong they are. I can sneak the cost into the books somehow without Lester noticing, but it might be easier if you just paid for them." "No problem." "He seems cool -- not really my type, but he's nice. Even offered to bring his own flashlight, but I got him this new, heavy-duty one. Now this I can charge to Lester. Just help me carry everything out." We did. "Brian - go get Ted set up by the door. It's getting crowded and I need to get back behind the bar." I got him situated by the door. "Fancy! Thanks." "We need to get you a table here - but a new one is being built right now. Anything else you need?" "Just some water if you don't mind." I went a fetched him a a little bottle of the cold spring water I'd talked Lester into buying for the designated drivers. Of course it was the cheapest brand they carried at Sam's Club. "Wow. You treat employees very well here." He should have kept the beard. "So what else is going on with you, Ted?" He promised to fill me in on everything later. It was getting busy and he was now on the clock. I'd bring some XXXL shirts when he wasn't too swamped. Sammy motioned for me to come help out behind the bar. I'd become good at tending bar lately. It was sort of fun. If it was some drink I'd never made before, I turned the order over to Sammy and learn how he made it. I'd sometimes get really good tips which I always just gave to Sammy. Always got a few phone numbers that I kept as souvenirs. ..unless Sammy wanted one in particular. The best thing about doing this work was how fast the time would go by. It stayed busy until about 2 AM when we arrived at what was known as "after party" time. People paired off and left. By now it was just a handful of very drunk regulars. "Thanks for helping me, Brian." I couldn't believe how late it was already. "Why don't you and Ted go ahead leave early. This chair is so nice. You guys both did a good job and I can lock up pretty soon." "Are you sure?" "Yeah. Give him this envelope. I added a bonus. Do you know he caught three fake I.D.s from stupid kids. I think he collects them." "That many? Wow. It's a wonder he haven't been busted before." "No kidding. Now get out of here and go have fun." wink "Hold on a second" I picked up a pen and drew a little happy face on it...and then added a few little hearts. Sammy rolled his eyes as I went to deliver it. "Hey Brian! Is it time to go?" "For us it is." He looked at my silly little drawing on the back. "You remembered! But this is too much money." "You earned a bonus. Thanks for doing such a great job...I hear you nailed some little lawbreakers tonight." "It's not so hard to spot fakes after you've done this for awhile. Out of state I.D. s are the first giveaway. Some little punk comes in with a driver's licence from Alaska and I'm ultra careful. They've gotten better with computers and stuff now, but I always catch them." Always. Hey -- can you give me a ride home?" yes yes yes yes! "My car eventually gave up and I walked here. I walk everywhere. It's not too far, but my back is killing me right now." "No problem. I'm close too, but I drove tonight. Let's go!" As we walked out to the parking lot, I saw Roger making out with some guy near the entrance. I shuddered at the thought of him. What a waste of time and hormones. "Thanks, man. I'm not really afraid of this neighborhood. but there's more meth now than before. Have you noticed?" "No. I don't even know what that looks like." "You'll learn to recognize it soon enough. They all look like walking,talking, nervous corpses. And are just weird, ya know? They never drink alcohol that I've noticed. They leave the room all the time and come back a few minutes later. And their teeth tend to be pretty bad. Never ever touch that shit." "Don't worry, Ted. I've been trying to convince the owner to provide health benefits, but you'd have to be on the payroll. Why did you want to be paid in cash?" "Long story. I'll tell you on the drive back to my place." OK. Which way do I go?" "Just drive South on Luther and make a left at the second light." "Okay." Not a really great area. Worse than Rick's neighborhood even. "So the deal is...I'm not technically allowed to have a job because I'm on disability." uh oh "It's hard to get by on what they give, but I couldn't survive without it. Not bad healthcare either. I'm just trying to stay in their good graces." "What's wrong?" I had an idea. "Mental stuff, mostly. I sort of had a breakdown not long after we first met. I was so, so bummed out. But I finally met somebody, and I was certain it would work out and 'cure' me. It was so nice. We went to Disneyland together and did some fun stuff. But then he dumped me. That sent me right over the edge. I had to be hospitalized after a suicide attempt. They decided I was possibly schizophrenic and just had some screwed-up wiring . I was even having hallucinations. Little creatures on the floor You aren't suppose to drink when taking the pills for that. I don't even enjoy it anymore. Not like I used to. I still smoke cigarettes and sometimes cigars - but that's it. I have other health stuff going on, but we can talk about that later. Not now, OK?" "Sure. Is this the right street?" "Yeah -- It's the big white house with the blue porch light. Just pull up to the curb.There's no driveway." "Nice. Do you have roommates?" "Yeah - I was going to tell you about that. I used to have three. but now I just have one. Dan. I have this unique ability to drive people away. Dan I were the best of friends for many years. but he's a mess now. I hardly see him at all now. He stays in his room and talks in chat rooms all the time. He does poppers constantly and I swear the air in there is flammable. He had a bulldog who died. I'm convinced it was because of the fumes." "Gross. I hate that smell." "The good thing is I have the whole upstairs to myself. The bad thing is that it costs me more and I'm barely getting by. The landlord is a good guy and works with me on the rent." "Wow. I doubt you drive people away, though. I've been searching for you for years now." "Wow? Really? You are so sweet! There's more to tell you. Want to come in for some coffee or something." yes yes yes yes "Absolutely." "I'm sure he's awake, but he won't come out of his room. I think he pisses in a plastic jug or something." It wasn't so bad inside, but you could definitely smell the amyl nitrate. God, I hated that shit. You could practically see that smell in the air. We climbed the creaky wooden stairs. They made a haunted house sound under us. His own private living space was a little room with a ratty couch, an old TV and a coffee table littered with overflowing ashtrays, magazines, trash and matchbooks. I had to wonder if there phone numbers on the back of them. Probably, but I had to respect his privacy. It was hard, though. Speaking of 'hard' -- I already was. Just being near him again was all I'd wanted for so, SO long. "So -- you want me to turn the TV. There's not much on right now." "Whatever you'd normally watch is fine, Ted." He found one of those courtroom shows -- like 'Judge Judy' only not as famous. I'd guess there were about a thousand versions by now. I never watched that shit. "Want a cigarette? A cigar? I wasn't about to light up in your car." "I'll take a regular smoke. You are the only person I'd let smoke in my car. Never hesitate again. Just do it." He looked at me a new way. "Go downstairs and make us some coffee. Cups are above the coffee-maker. You know how to make coffee, right?" "I can figure it out. I never drink coffee -- got any beer?" "Yeah -- There's some cheap stuff Dan bought in the fridge. Take what you want. He'll never miss it." It was almost 3 AM as I crept down those noisy stairs. The smell of poppers was so strong down here. Ugh. The kitchen was easy enough to find. It was much neater and cleaner than you might think. I made the coffee and helped myself to some brand of beer I'd never heard of. It was mostly terrible, but cold enough. Beer is beer after all. I finished making the coffee and had forgotten to ask if he wanted sugar in it. My guess is he did. I put just a little in. I climbed back up the stairs with both beverages. Ted had slipped off his jeans and sat with his socked feet up on the coffee table. How did guys always know?? I almost tripped on his discarded boots, but didn't spill a drop of either drink. "Good boy!" Oh! I liked that! I was already his 'boy'. What a perfect night! "Is it just my imagination or have your boots gotten even bigger since I first met you back at Ledge?" "I remember you noticing them. Is that your thing? That's a whole other story. Take off my socks." yes yes yes yes There was a smell that hit me. The best smell ever. Almost sweet. His toes were all bent up like a clenched fist. Hammer toes...what they're called. They can be inherited or caused by vigorous walking, stressful activity. "You have amazing feet, Ted." "See the toes?" "Yeah - they're all bent. Does that run in your family?" "Nope. All my fault. I used to wear size 13's because I thought that was the biggest boot made. My doctor traced my bare foot on a piece of paper and then made a trace of my boot. I'd been wearing too small a shoe for years. I'm actually a size 15. You have to go to one of those big guy stores...or order them online." I wanted that piece of paper...but it would it too weird to ask just then. I was determined to make this work and not screw things up. "Does it hurt now?" "Lots of things hurt these days. Tall, heavy guys always ache somewhere...knees, feet, back. You name it - its either been in pain or hurts right now." "Dang." The regular programming on TV had switched over to infomercials. "Wow. It's late. I'm beat. How 'bout you?" "Very. Long day, long night.Do you work again tonight?" "Yep. I think I'm really going to like this gig." "I can come pick you up if you want." "Thanks! Yes! Drop by around 8 if you can. We can hang out a little while first." "How about 7? I'll take you out for some dinner first?" "Wow. Great!" I finally had Ted back in my life...I was going to treat him like a king. I mean, how many second chances do you get in life? "See you then." I normally hated still being out this late/early. It's a weird time when it's still dark, but birds have started to sing out here and there. There was a morning feel in the air. Ugh. I'd have stuff to do tomorrow and it was already tomorrow. 11. OFF TO A ROCKY START WITH TED I could tell my machine was full of messages, but I just needed some sleep just now. I didn't even wake up until after noon...after a really nice, contented sleep. I'm sure there was a smile on my face the whole time. Most of the messages were from Rick. He'd been doing better lately and staying busy. It was nice to hear him somewhat happy again. "You're never home anymore ... it's okay. I've been getting some new work recently. I'm building a display case for that bar you like - that Pals place. That old man who owns it is a flake. Do you know him? Well, I need to get some stuff from the hardware store now. Call me." I'll be damned. This could get real awkward fast. I'd finally found my perfect man and at the same time, put Rick's entire support system in peril. Karma gives and takes in equal measure. Why couldn't it just give for, like, a full month just once? Ronnie wasn't entirely happy about the latest twist in my romantic life. I think she was happy that I was happy, but.... "Wait - Doesn't this guy have HIV?" "I don't know that for sure, Hon. He's put on a bunch of weight....so that's a good sign. Right?" "Well...just be careful." She really didn't know much about what a "chaser" I'd become. Not a successful one so far, but it make her upset if I confessed that. If I was going to get the bug eventually, I wanted to contract it from Ted. Ted only. I was much too smart to go into anything without thinking it through. I still thought so highly of my brain back then. I got a lot of work that day...stuff that needed to get done. I wanted 7 o'clock to get here so badly. My spirits were high. I played all my favorite CD's and wanted to dance, dance, dance! I deserved this feeling. I called Rick because it had to be done and I was ready to cross that off my list today. "Hey, Brian!" Caller I.D. was so common now. Phone calls had lost what little bit of magic they'd had when I was younger. "Hey. What's up?" "I'm smoking a bowl and celebrating the cash I just made. Delivered this table and display case I just finished. Got paid in cash. Is that business on the up and up? They paid me in cash when I stripped there a few times. Why haven't they asked me to do it again? " "It's like you said - the owner is a flake." I'd bring him a few shirts later. He loved free stuff. I couldn't help it, I had to call Ted. I copied his number down about twenty different times. I'd never lose touch with him again. "Hello?" No caller I.D. at his place I guess. "Hi, Ted. It's Brian. How are you?" "Great! Did you get some rest?" "Oh yeah. I was wondering if we could meet up a little earlier tonight. Or now?" "That's what I like to hear! How about 6? I got the plumber here now and I don't know when he'll be done. Toilet clogged again. Thank God for this new cash. I appreciate this new job so much -- I get the feeling you had something to do with me landing it." "Only in a secondhand way." "So -- is 6 good then?" "You bet. See you then!" I hung up and beamed blissfully. What would I wear? It didn't feel right to go too dressy. Ted was so casual. It was the back end of the nineties and dress codes didn't really exist in businesses these day. I put on my new Pals sweatshirt because Spring just get going this year. I wanted to grab Ted and go live with him somewhere tropical. It was only 4 PM and I was ready to go. Oh hell -- I'd just stop in at Pals and drink up some liquid courage, see the new display case and chat with Sammy. I couldn't just sit around anymore. "Hi, Boss!" "I hate when you call me that, Sammy. I'm not Lester. Not even close." The new furniture looked great but nobody had bothered to put all the new stuff on it or even put in evenly against the wall. That would give me something to do. "Did you know the blonde carpenter is the same guy who stripped here that time?" "Really?" (time to play dumb) "Yeah. I've seen that guy around everywhere. He's a hustler. I'm sure of it. Talk about being multi-talented!" "Wait. A hustler? No way." "Well -- I used to see him out with a lot of guys who are who were in their 60's and 70's. Maybe he's just a 'professional companion'." I probably should have guessed that. "Think you'll need my help again tonight?" "Maybe. It comes and goes lately. Can you stick around and talk to your man -- just in case? Did you have fun with him?" My spontaneous grin gave me away. "I see." "Yeah. We're going out for dinner tonight before his shift." Sammy looked so self-satisfied. "Thought I'd have a few drinks first. Give me the shirts and I'll go put them out. Are they going to pay for them at the door or here at the bar?" "Undecided. Lester hasn't quite figured that out yet. What can I bring you?" "Vodka tonic. And maybe some peanuts or something...I don't want to eat too much in front of him." "Such a demure young lady! But it sure looks like he can put the food away pretty well himself, I'll bring the nuts anyway." The crowd wouldn't pick up much tonight...I could always tell somehow. Maybe I could escape with Ted extra early and have some real fun. I hoped. By the time I'd finished my second drink, I decided to not wait any longer. Maybe he'd take my early arrival as a sign of eagerness. It very much was exactly that. "See you later, Brian." I knocked on the door around 5:45 PM. For a second or two, I was afraid the roommate would answer the door. I couldn't even picture him in my mind. But no -- it was Ted, fresh out of the shower and wearing a robe. "Excellent timing, Boy! Come on up and help me figure out what to wear. I didn't know where you wanted to eat...but you're casual tonight so I guess that will help me decide." "Wherever you want. What's your favorite place?" "Not vegetarian or too spicy. There's a decent BBQ place on Pearl Avenue. Not exactly cheap but the food is so good!" I'd take him there every night. He kept allowing the robe to slip open so I could glimpse his furry bush and beautiful pale dick. His legs weren't hairy - which surprised me. Usually guys that were balding had an abundance of body hair. His chest was nearly bare as well. I helped him pick out jeans, a baggy black sweater shirt and socks. "What about the shoes?" "They're all in the corner over there. Not boots. They make my feet hurt and sweat like crazy." I saw the stack of shoe boxes that were all clearly labeled 'US 15'. I found some nice black loafers that probably cost quite a bit. "Good choice. Now come put them on me." I loved how bossy he was being tonight. He sat on the bed as I carefully slipped them on those massive feet. "Good Boy!" I liked that too -- even though it sorta sounded like he was talking to a golden retriever. "Ready?" "I'll tell you when we're ready to go. Do you have a computer, the internet?" "Yeah. I do quite a bit of work on internet stuff for the company I consult for." "Ever chat on there?" "No. It all seems overwhelming now. My building doesn't have wifi yet -- so the connection is slow." "There's DSL. You can always try that." I swear, the only thing more tedious than working at a computer was talking about computers. Still -I wanted Ted to feel as if everything he was saying was fascinating. "I can show you more later. We can chat sometimes. Exchange emails." "Cool." The BBQ joint was't too busy. I think they did a lot of carryout business, but not many people actually sat down inside to eat. We got settled in at a table and I ordered a beer for each of us. "I need to tell you some stuff, Brian..." Here it comes. "Sure, what's up?" "Well, first off - I don't want you to wear that shirt again. The logo is on the left." "Oh? It's over the heart. It wasn't my idea to design it that way in the first place, but I never ...I mean, why?" "It'd be okay if it was on the right, I wouldn't mind. You're a submissive...everything should be oriented to the right. I'm dominant and can get away with those shirts.It might seem odd, but it could symbolize something when we're out together. When I give you my keys to carry, you attach them to a belt loop on your right side. It's just how it is. Got it boy?" "Yes, Sir." Weird He'd almost finished his meal while I had barely touched mine. I needed another beer. When it arrived - he said,"That's another thing. I don't think you should drink so much. Not around me anyway. I mean - just please...I want the only thing to influence you is ME," I'm not going to say this was a bad sign - I just didn't know much about this scene. The boy/sir scene or father/son scene. Whatever it was exactly.For his sake, I'd learn. I would. "OK, Ted. Whatever you say." "Good answer, I don't mean we can't party sometimes, but it needs to be my decision." I was a stubborn, self-involved asshole - but I could adapt. Probably. I guess I looked on the verge of a pout. "OK. Look -- Let's go to Pals now and have a few shots. You can have a beer and hang out with Sammy before I start. Just stop when I tell you to. Deal? Sure. Fine. I couldn't screw this up. It was busier than I'd expected.Maybe it was just a brief rush. It happened sometimes. "Well looky here - its the new happy couple. We sat at the bar and bullshitted with Sammy. As much as I wanted to continue to hear more about Ted's rules and regulations, he was pretty much in professional mode now. While Sammy was always jovial and fun when he was working. Ted handed me his untouched shots and left to go man his post. "Let him have a mini pitcher of beer, Sammy and then he's cut off." "What's that about, Brian? Are you his 'boy' already?" "Yeah, I guess. He's got a bunch of rules. Do you know about this whole right/left thing?" "Wow. That's old-school. I thought that went the way of color-coded hankies. But yeah - if he's the top, you pretty much have to wear all your stuff on your right. Does he want to tie you up and stuff?" "No. Not so far. He wants me to moderate my drinking, though." "Man - I'd dump him for that shit.You may be his boy, but you're still an adult. You look good in the new sweatshirt." "Logo's on the left. Bummer." He shook his head, "Uh oh -- it looks like we're in for another busy night. Can you come back here and help?" "Sure," "You can sneak some cocktails. He'll never see." "Deal! We need to hire a new bartender pretty soon, though." "Lester thinks we already found one in you." Whatever. No. I'd be a temp, at most, but I couldn't handle long shifts too often. Marcus says they're interested in bringing me back with a huge promotion and salary bump. I'd be above even where Jana was at before she left. Besides, it might not be a bad idea to not work alongside Ted too frequently. The crowd built up to a standing-room only size. Ted was busy being a bad-ass at the door as Sammy sneaking me shots that I placed out of view below the bar, near the lime wedges and olives. After a few hours, I decided to stop before I got too noticeably buzzed. Weirdly, the crowd didn't seem to thin out until closing time. I guess the recent start of daylight savings time had made it seem earlier than it really was. Ted was very good at herding them out swiftly after last call. Absolutely no one wanted to mess with him. He went out to scan the parking lot and shoo away the stragglers and guys busy getting it on with each other before even getting inside a car. "The cleaning crew van is already here, guys." "Damn -- I keep forgetting what days they come." Sammy throws his bar rag on the counter and goes to lock up the back. Ted grabs my hand and pulls me outside. Was he pissed off? "Well, you broke the rules, Boy." uh oh "Huh? How?" "I saw you drink. I'm not happy." Shit. I opened the passenger door for him and then slowly walked around to my side. I could tell that this short drive was going to last a long time. "Look...I'm an adult, Ted. I've been single a long time and I'm used to being independent. This may take some adjustment." "Watch your tone. We'll discuss things when we get home. You can drive okay, right?" I decided not saying anything was better than trying to explain myself any further. I knew things were not good when he just got out of the car and slammed the door. I could drive home right now, but I followed him up to the porch instead, I had to see this through. It might get better. We got up to his little upstairs living room and he closed the door behind us. The fact that he didn't slam it was a relief. He plopped down on the ratty couch. "What are we going to do about this, boy?" "You could beat the shit out of me." I kind of liked the idea of his getting all crazy and sexy violent with me. "Yeah - I could spank your bare ass and punish you like the bad boy you are. Oh hell...just come sit down next to me for now." He turned the TV on stretched back in pretty much the same position he had the previous night. "I think I sprung all this on you too fast and didn't give you a chance to be an equal partner in this. Maybe I drove away the last guy by being too rigid. Even submissive men are still men in the end. It would kill me to lose you just by not being flexible enough. All I ask is that we try some give and take for now. I want you to have a say in where we go from here. Deal?" We then proceeded to kiss and work each other up into a horny frenzy, "Can I blow you, Ted? Suck your cock?" "Not going to say 'no' to that, Brian!" He fished a semi-hard cock out of his underwear and let me just take it in my mouth. "Ahh! That's it. Go down as far as you can...Yeahh! Here - let me stand up. It'll be easier if you get down on your knees...DAMN! You took it all! Good Boy! You've got talent!" He'd later tell me I was the first guy to ever deep throat him completely. It wasn't terribly difficult because the shaft of his cock was thin enough to not block off my air passages. The knob at the tip was nice and bulky which made his entire penis resemble a magic wand..,or some weird kind of light bulb. I put my hands on his ass cheeks and urged him on. He thrust and humped my face for two or three minutes before starting to hesitate. "We better stop. I'm gonna cum. No...stop!" I couldn't, wouldn't. I held his butt even tighter as he gasped and shot his load down my windpipe. "GodDAMN!" He withdrew his slick, slimy tool from my mouth and panted. I felt a few drops of his sweat hit the top of my head like holy rain. I'd spontaneously came in my underwear - the first time that had ever happened. "Thanks, Ted." We heaved ourselves back up on the couch. "I wish you hadn't done that. I have HIV." Of course I didn't choose that particular moment to mention the countless times I'd swallowed Rick's poz loads. "It was unsafe, Brian" "Life is unsafe." He considered my words and seemed to relax a little. "Want to gargle with some Listerine?" "Nah. I'm good." "So you'd figured out my status already?" "I maybe suspected it, but didn't know for sure." "I see." He put an arm around me as we watched some B movie from the 80's about horny teens working at a beach resort. "I'm probably going to be spending less and less time at Pals before too long. My old company wants me back and they're offering some serious bank to get me." "Wow. That's good for many reasons... I mean, it's probably better that we won't be working together so much. That can be a problem sometimes." "I've got even better news...you get tomorrow off! We're going to spend the whole day out doing stuff, fun stuff." "Like what?" "That's a surprise...one of many surprises." "Wow. Can't wait!" "Good. So get some sleep and I'll pick you up for lunch around 12:30." "Ahh....so you're not spending the night?" "Not tonight, Sir. We'll have many more chances to do that." He saw me to the front door and we had a perfect goodnight kiss. I still missed the beard, but then again, I never could never be entirely happy with what I had. Still, my heart was thumping so deeply and I drove home on a cloud. 12. MY HONEYMOON WITH TED I'm not even really sure how much sleep I got when I woke up at 10:30 AM, but I practically jumped out of bed and started getting ready. I bet Ted wasn't as excited as I was. I kept adding things to the list of what I wanted to do today. And no, not all of them were sexual. I picked him up right on time and then we went to lunch at a retro style dinner that was popular with almost all iypes. You saw a few pairs of guys who had only just met the night before. They were easy to spot. It was a fun, casual meal. "Where to next, Brian?" "We're going to get you a car!" "What? No. You can't...I can't..." "I'm just helping you out...like a good friend would. It's going to be scorching hot this Summer and I can't have you walking everywhere then - or when it's freezing cold. I'll be working regular hours pretty soon and can't give you rides as often as you'll need them." He kept trying to think of reasons why I couldn't possibly do this, but I took him to a Ford lot that Ronnie's brother worked at. She promised they had good used cars and 'Curtis' would give me a very good deal. We got there and I was impressed with the selection -- they looked new to me. Like all men, Ted got a child-like look of glee on his face just looking at cars. he spent a good two hours just browsing and asking Curtis every single question he could think of. I was losing interest and my legs were getting tired. I excused myself to go get a Coke and rest in the waiting room. "I'll let you guys keep looking while I go take a load off. Take your time." They barely heard me. I went through two cans of Diet Coke and three innings of some televised baseball game before they finally came back. Ted decided on a 1992 Ford Bronco that wasn't quite the color he wanted, but it was perfect otherwise. Curtis and I went to his office to get the financing taken care of. He indeed gave me a very great deal and even arranged it so the payments would be made by me, but the title would be under his name. Ted was in the waiting room looked a little sunburned but very very happy. "It's ready to drive off the lot! Can you leave your car here?" "I'm sure that would be fine. Let's go!" He was thrilled, so excited. I was too, I may not be able to ever be his 'boy', but I would grow to love taking care of him. The interior was showroom perfect and even smelled new despite being seven years old. "Where to now?" "Just up ahead on Market Street. In the hipster district." He wasn't familiar with it even though he'd lived in the city way longer than I had. We were going to a funky fossil/mineral/custom jewelry shop called "Village Forge". I loved how confused Ted was as to why we were here. I led him to the jewelry counter where a punk girl who must have shared makeup tips with Ronnie greeted us. I urged him forward and said "Yes, I would like to get this man's finger measured for a ring." I don't think Ted knew what to think, do or say. She urged him to have a seat as she got out her sizing rings. I wondered if he thought he should be expecting an engagement ring or something. It was phase one of an idea I first got while watching an old Bette Davis movie with Ronnie (who thought she was Bette Davis at times) about a year ago. She was portraying Elizabeth the 1st and there was a scene where a general or something knelt down and kissed her ring. I remember thinking I'd love to show that kind of respect and devotion to a man - Ted, specifically. All would be revealed to him after the ring was finished. I'd already picked out the stone -- black tourmaline. I had a sketch of the cut and shape I wanted, When he was done getting sized, I sent him to go look around while I talked to the young lady. I showed her my sketch and we worked on a price. It was going to be great! She said I could pick it up in three weeks which seemed like forever from now. As we walked out of the store Ted asked, "So were you picking out an engagement ring for me? So soon?" "Not exactly. It's more like a gift. ,,something I've wanted to give you." "You're spoiling me so bad!" "Let's go get a drink to toast your new wheels. We can get get some appetizers there instead of eating any of that snack bar junk at the theater." "Cool. What are we going to see?" "That's up to you - there's a multiplex over on Grand and they show like eight different movies. " We ended up at a little bar and grill called Cashews where Ted had been once before and had some amazing onion rings. We shared a pitcher and a some onion rings and sliders. He wanted to talk more about his truck and how grateful he was, and he had more questions about the ring. How do you explain something like that? We ended up skipping the movie and going directly back to my place where he took off his shoes immediately. We each took turns removing articles of clothing...it was the kind of slow seduction I'd never experienced before. He wasn't all that thrilled with his body. but I loved every inch of it - some inches more than others.... He was lying spread-eagle on top of my bed...waiting. I gave his feet only a minute or two of attention before diving right for his magic wand. He still wasn't sure if he loved my nickname for his dong, but hadn't thought of anything better so.... I was becoming a magic wand expert and could get his big balls to tighten up with a few distinct moves I'd tried out. I kept a mental file of the things that made him the most vocal. Flick your tongue in and out like a hyper snake at the base of the dick and it feels amazing to the receiver. I would have been fine just taking another load in my mouth but Ted asked if he could fuck me. "Hell yeah!" "Got condoms?" "Nope. Just go in raw, Sir!" "You know we can't do that," he said sadly, with his dick still hovering close to my hole. "I'll just beat off." "No. Just go in a little bit and pull out after a minute." "I can't take that chance, Brian. Let's just chill out and be smart now." "Hold on -- let me go check in the bathroom cabinet and see if I can find a spare rubber." He was already losing his boner. Damn! I hurried off the bed and went into the bathroom. I got down and looked in the cabinet beneath the sink. There was my brand new box of condoms which I'd never opened. I found the lube and decided to bring that back to the bedroom. Maybe I could still -- a then a splatter of hot urine hit the back of my neck while I was still kneeling down. I turned around and Ted was standing there huge, naked, peeing on me. It might have been the most beautiful, most erotic visual of my life. Sadly, he didn't have a full bladder, I barely touched my cock and instantly had an intense orgasm. I crawled over and cleaned the remaining drops from his soft head. "Go hop in the shower, clean up and come back to bed." Later that night, as we were wrapped in each other's arms (my bed seemed so small with him in it) we sleepily talked a little. "Thank you for giving me a wonderful day, Brian." "Thank you for letting me give it to you." From then on, we shared our passion for water sports as often as possible. I had to give him credit for how creative he could be with it. I loved watching just going to restrooms with him so I could hold his shaft while he stood at a urinal. I actually just loved watching him go. He had this unique pee slit that was centered higher than most men's were. It gave him incredibly precise aim. He let me drink right from the tap many times even though he was a little worried about all the medications he was taking getting absorbed into my own body. I was never aware of anything unusual happening afterward. One of the most memorable occasions in our early dating days was the night we went to a sleazy bar that catered to every kind of freak out there. It had been very popular before Section opened and was now just another dying tavern. It was one of those rare nights when he didn't complain about me drinking as many beers as I wanted. He even had more than his usual number of drinks. At least place has a decent selection of classic old video games like Galaga and Ms PacMan. He'd stand and watch me rack up high scores. What I hadn't realized was that he was discretely peeing into my open beers while I wasn't looking. I eventually caught on, but didn't say anything. I don't think he ever did it again after that night but I always hoped he would. 13. TED'S RING I'd started my regular job again and almost immediately regretted the decision to come back. I was on a new floor where I didn't really know anybody now that Jana was gone. One thing anyone who's worked for a big company can tell you: the higher you climb the ladder, the less you get to do what you were hired to do in the first place. You don't get a chance to do what you're good at because you're always in meetings. Meeting after meeting after meeting. I hated being there, but tried not to bring it home to Ted. Tried. I was living at his place about half the time, but he didn't stay at mine often because of the cigar smell I just couldn't tolerate no matter how much I tried to like it. When Ted's ring was finally ready I took the rest of the day off. One of the advantages pf my new position was that I could just leave and people would just assume I was in a meeting or sitting in on a conference call somewhere. I had them put it in a proper velvet box and drove straight to his house. He was happy and surprised to see me. He'd never seen me in my business attire before. "Hey! You look like a grownup! Playin' hooky?" "Sort of. Want to take a little walk?" It was a beautiful April afternoon and the air smelled green and full of life. We strolled a few blocks to a small park that was informally called 'Rose Park' because its many rose bushes would bloom like crazy during the Summer. There was a nice pond with a fountain in the middle of it. There used to be swans until they started attacking people. "So, you really got me curious...what's up?" I stopped at a particularly scenic spot and I handed him the box. "Whoa! What.." He looked very happy, but confused and possibly a little scared. "Oh, I'd already forgotten about the ring." He opened it up and put the ring on his left ring finger. I'd meant for it to go on on his index finger, but the girl assured me his thick middle three fingers were all about the same ring size. "Fit's perfect! What's the stone?" "Black tourmaline -- it's a semi-precious gem that protects against negative energy and helps heal the mind." I remember this from Deb. I then knelt down and kissed it. He looked at me oddly. I will kiss it each time I see you -- to let you know that I'm aware of being in the presence of royalty. You are my king, Ted." "Wow. Thanks. You should get up now. You'll ruin those nice pants and there are people coming." I stayed down and kissed it again. I didn't want to embarrass him so I got up and we continued to walk. Everything looked extra green, extra beautiful. All those years spent waiting for him, the hopeless searching, those regretful sex adventures -- worth it! SO worth it! I noticed he was walking a little extra faster than usual and I wondered what he had in store for me back in his room... "I've got a surprise for you to, Brian. Well, it's for us." It turns out he'd bought himself a new digital camera and was really jazzed about it. I had one from work but had never had the time to learn how to use it. He took several shots of his new ring and then a few of me in my stupid shirt and tie. "Look like you'll have to get those pants cleaned, Babe." "I've never liked this pair... their too tight and too loose in all the wrong places." An idea blossomed. "Why don't rip them off me? Tear everything off my body and take pictures." He got a wicked smile and grabbed his bulging cock. "Everything? You sure?" Yeah, I was. "Pretend you're really pissed off at me -- get out some of that aggression." "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He got into my idea right away, but I didn't expect he'd turn so crazy so fast. "Come over here all dressed-up like you're something special....you're just a little whore who's finally gonna get what he deserves!!" He snapped a shot of my shocked expression. "You think you're so cute -- I can take care of that real fast! You won't think that five minutes from now!" I just had to remember that I'd asked for this. Ted took my tie off in one yank, "Maybe I'll choke you a little with this - or tie up your hands." He ripped my shirt off as buttons went flying everywhere. "I'm gonna wipe my ass with this later." OK. OK. I asked for this. I asked for this. I wasn't hard at all. He kept taking pictures. picture after fucking picture. "Take the pants off yourself. I ain't got time for that shit. Wait. Give me that look again. Yeah. You look scared as hell! You should be. Just stand there shaking like a leaf. I love it. He put the camera down at last. He moved in closer for what I thought would be an embrace at least, but he just did it rip my underwear in half with both hands. He was that strong. Back to taking more pictures. "Play with that miserable little midget dick of yours. There you go. Yeah. Get nice and hard." I was getting into the spirit of this now. He got undressed fast and with no flourishes. "Now turn around. Let me see that ass that's about to get ruined. Oh yeah. I've got plans for that." He was fully erect and that made me even more excited. Magic Wand! He took several pics of his own boner before returning the lens back on me. "Don't get lazy on me, bastard. Do something!" My first instinct was to just lie down on the floor - an act of surrender. "Good thinkin', you stupid weak slut." He stood over me and looked like something from a science fiction movie. His boner was super impressive from this vantage point. More photos. And then a swift barefooted kick to my rib cage. Goddamn! I saw spinning spots of light. And then one to other side. I squinted in complete pain. (I swear I still see pics from this session show up online sometimes - Tumblr has a way of finding them and repeating them over and over. At least I looked so much younger in them). Ted then sat on the bed and indulged my love of feet by rubbing his all over my face and twisting his toes in my hair. He thought maybe I liked that too much. His next move was to use one giant foot to cover my mouth and press my nose flat. I had no way to get air and started to panic. I grabbed his thick ankle in desperation, boner completely gone. It was everything I desired and nothing I wanted all in one. He took several photos of me struggling before finally letting me breathe. "You're face is gonna be so fucked up tomorrow," he laughed, "and I'm not even done yet" More photos. At last he let me up on the bed. I was sore all over and my contacts were askew. "Don't cry you little bitch." My eyes had only been watering a little, but now I felt like I could actually just start bawling. My inner wiring was breaking down, shooting random sparks from the frayed sections. I was lost. Did you get all your breathing out of the way? Good." He sat bare-assed on my face with his fragrant hole right on my lips. If he'd given me just a little room I would have stuck my tongue up in there, but his full weight was on my face/head. He spread his cheeks and wriggled a little. I think he was trying to get some good shots of this event. I ran out of air again, and slapped at his hips in desperation. "God - you are a fussy little whore tonight. Lost my number, did you? Do you really think I ever believed that bullshit?" Fuck. This could turn out bad. But he finally climbed off of me and laughed cruelly. "Raise your arms up above you. Good. Stay like that." He used my wrinkled tie to bind my wrists together. I remember thinking how lucky I was that he didn't choke me to death with it. "Now just chill while I do some stuff." He left the room and I heard him light a cigarette. Perfect. I wanted one so badly. But I heard him bluster down the stairs. God only knows what he was planning. I had a brief fear that he was bringing that popper-sniffing roommate up here. No. He wouldn't do that. I knew they hated each other. He came back with some gross old kitchen towels, a sofa cushion and a bottle of cheap vodka. He looked at me like I was a sad, broken plaything. "OK, Brian. I'm going to be nice for a few minutes. Don't get too used to it. Here, I'll help you sit up. Need to use the bathroom? Use it now." He untied my hands and let me wobble my way to the bathroom. Could I even go? I just knew I had to avoid glimpsing myself in the mirror. I sat there. A little pee trickled out...and then nothing else. Me and my dick were both confused by all the excitement and fear. A loud knock. "Don't try escaping out the window. It hasn't opened in ten years. Are you done? I'm coming in." He barged in and took another goddamn photo. "Looks like I broke you good." He helped me up. I couldn't believe it -- he'd turned on the fucking TV. I wish I could tell you exactly what was on. Some family comedy or something. Was it over. No. I saw all the props arranged carefully on his nightstand and one of them was a knife!! Oh hell. It was not over by a long ways. "Just relax. I've got the video feature on this camera finally figured out. I'll start after you have some swigs of the alcohol I know you're always craving." He let me handle the bottle on my own and I wasted no time taking quenching sips/gulps. He was filming already. "How's the booze?" "Just fine. Can I have a smoke? Please?" "Oh. You're demanding all the sudden. What a spoiled little slut you are." He was talking for the benefit of the video now. He handed me a lit cigarette. "Oh - Do I have your consent to film you now?" "Yes." "What do you think about being on camera right now?" I took a giant swig of the awful vodka. "Look at him guzzle the hooch, folks." I just wanted to be numb, deadened. Let him be Steve Irwin if he wanted. Or whatever that guy's name was. He was filming a documentary. "And you're fully aware of what's about to happen? About what you're accepting?" No. I wasn't. But whatever. I was spinning. "Yes." "Say it again. Louder." "YES." "So you're agreeable to having sex, anal sex with an HIV positive man with no protection?" "Yes." "Would you say you're too drunk to know what you're agreeing to?" "No. Just drunk enough to admit it." "Explain," "I've been wanting you to bareback me for a long time but you would never do it." He gave me a thumbs up out of camera range. "And you're fully aware of the possible consequences of doing this?" "I am." He stopped filming. "That was very good, Brian." "Yeah...but what the fuck was the interview about?" "My protection. If you start having second thoughts after we're done and want to report me - I'll have some legal protection. One of my buddies from a yahoo group told me how to do it." "Is that why you wouldn't do it before -- because you didn't have a way to film my consent?" "Partly. I also wasn't sure I wanted that kind of responsibility if you became sick. Maybe the ring you gave me was the thing that let me know I could give you this 'gift' and you'd still be with me." I took that opportunity to reach for his hand and kiss the ring again. "Do you want to be on your back? Or on your knees?" "On my back." I said a little too quickly. He chuckled. "That's what I figured. Stand up f or a second and let me arrange stuff." I stood up and he did the most surprising thing: he sucked my dick for about ten seconds. And then he took a long pull off the bottle. "Wow. That's terrible shit." He arranged the towels carefully in the middle of the bed and placed the cushion right above them. He'd brought along a plastic bottle of of lube I hadn't noticed before. He still didn't explain the knife, but I wasn't especially worried now. I took one more gulp of the vodka even though my stomach was already burning. "OK. Get comfortable." He adjusted me a little and let me lie back with a nice pillow under my head. "Want your hands tied up again?" "Yeah. Cool." He picked up my ruined tie and tied them again - a little looser this time. "What about being gagged? Are you cool with that?" He asked in a way that suggested he wanted me to agree to that too. "Yeah." "Excellent. I know just what to use." He looked around and found one of his socks on the floor. He balled it up and stuffed it in my mouth. "How's that?" I nodded. "Good." It was about to begin. He adjusted my bare ass on the cushion a little and then started lubing me up with great globs of the lube, "Damn. You're tighter than fuck, Babe. Try to relax. I should have been having you use a dildo for awhile first. Oh well - that's why I brought the towels." He kept working his fat fingers into me and I thought I could probably handle his dick now. He started up the video and we began. "You're looking beautiful, young man. Ready to get pozzed?" I nodded. But was I? I was. I'd known this would eventually happen. "It will hurt at first...you know that, right?" I nodded again. Oh it hurt all right. But I knew the head of his cock was the fattest part and the rest would be no problem. Magic Wand. He held the camera with one hand and really went for it. I let myself yell because it would be muffled and make his video even better. "Don't fight it...don't fight it. I'm in! Oh yeah, Feels so good in there. So hot inside. Yeahhh." He leaned into me until he was pubes deep. Fuck! It was as close as we could ever get to one another - body and soul. He pumped slow at first and then faster, always with the camera angle in mind. He was really sweating heavily, which I loved but made me wonder if maybe he should get his heart checked out by a doctor. His grunts were deep and loud. There was very little pain now -- just wave after wave of intense pleasure that left me trembling. I'd never forget this --not one single detail. "OK..." He lifted up his torso until he could hold the camera with both hands. He took the sock out of my mouth. "I'm about to shoot my load. You want it?" "Yes. Knock me up, Sir!" "Here it comes...Unnggghhh! Yeah! I'm cumming!!!! Welcome to the club, Sweetheart! We share dna now." He was so wet and shiny with sweat. "Thank you." "Wait. We're not done just yet." He untied my wrists and let me hold the camera. I framed his face perfectly even though my arms were shaking a little. He mugged and smiled like he was Brad Pitt pr something. He reached over for the knife. Oh God. Of all the things he could do - he made a cut on his right index finger. !!!! "This is to make sure you get the virus in case all my little swimmers can't get the job done. He shoved that cut finger into my sore ass and let it stay there for almost a full minute. He took the camera from me so he could get a close-up. EDIT: I have to give Ted credit for never sharing this video online. Unlike a few of the pics, I haven't seen it anywhere on any of the breeding, bareback or related sites. But if you do happen to see it please forward a link to me via this site, Thanks. He let me have the shower first while he went downstairs to tend to his cut. There wasn't all that much blood, really. Just a small red blotch on the top towel that could have just as easily come from the over-eager cut he made to himself. I got cleaned up and had no idea what clothes I could put on now. So I just toweled off and sat in his little living room to watch TV. The evening news. I really loved Clinton. He was the first President I ever voted for (twice). Ted walked in and tossed me some underwear, shorts, socks, and a beat-up pair of tennis shoes. "Here. My roommate left these behind and you guys were about the same size." Sure. They seemed clean. "Where is he?" "Oh, he moved out. He met some guy online - from Iowa, I think - and he just left to go live with him. Didn't even fill two suitcases with his shit. I told you -- I have a knack for driving people away. But not you! You can move in now and we'll fix the place up." Hmm. Was I ready for that? Did I want that? While he showered, I watched some show on PBS about feral children found in the woods. It was absorbing but very sad. I dressed in the clothes I'd been given. It was all a little tight, but the shoes were maybe a size too big. Damn - did everybody in the world have bigger feet than me? I had Mom's feet and they were petite and slender. Ugh. "All clean!" Ted had dressed and combed his hair and possibly put on a little cologne. "We need food, baby!" I was guessing it was around 9:30 or 10:00 based on the news being on. We'd have to get cable if I was going to live here. "Where?" "White Castle! Of course!" That actually sounded good. I felt like a big slob in these clothes but whatever. My face was a little banged up and there was a red toenail scratch on my cheek. Ted drove and we ate inside the place instead of doing the drive-thru because he never ate in his new truck. I swear -- he ate about twenty of those sliders and fries too. I just ate enough to soak up the vodka acid and regain some strength. "We're going to be farting tonight!" He was happy and I was still so full of thoughts. "Cheer up, Brian. We'll stop for some drinks at Pals and say 'hi' to Sammy...and James, if he's still lucid." Perfect. I'd order some top shelf booze to erase the memory of that Walmart Vodka away. 14. LETTING TED GO I can't really say when the beginning of the end started. My job was slowly killing me. I was just another rat chasing after a bigger piece of cheese. The money was great, but my mood was usually foul. I'd sometimes sneak a few of Ted's mental pills without knowing what I was swallowing. Nothing helped. I was miserable. Living with Ted was not exactly easy at first. I ended up buying the house from the owner who was old and only too eager to sell. It was basically a steal. And probably a good investment since the neighborhood was slowly improving as those house-flippers moved in. Work kept me from doing much to the house but Ted assured me he would get things going. He would start projects but never finish them. He would always get bored and move on to something else. Half-painted walls. missing outlet covers, random sheets of stripped wallpaper hanging like peeling skin. I was so exhausted by the time I'd get home from work that I barely even noticed or cared at all. That was another issue. He resented all the time I spent at work because it wasn't time I could be spending with him, kissing his ring and offering up my body. I remember once coming home for lunch and he wanted a nice. long foot massage. This had lost so much of its erotic appeal to me and I went back to work with the smell of his feet on my hands. His sexual appetite never went away. Nor did his desire to take pictures of everything. The abusive part of our play starting going a little too far. All of his frustration with me came out in the verbal assaults and the punches and kicks delivered to my restrained body were his way of coping. He cracked a few of my ribs once. My only outlet was punishing him with my absence. I worked late or spent evenings at Pals. Oh - that's the other thing. He quit working there because his back was bothering him all the time. It was just as well. I had my bar back. I'd spend hours just getting drunk and spilling my guts out to Sammy. "Honey. Maybe it's time to cut your losses. Find yourself something to make life fun again. You once said you liked to draw -- well, pursue that somehow. Start a website. Take some classes and meet some new people." "I let him infect me with HIV. What;s the point in doing any of that now?" "Shut the fuck up. I've been poz for almost fifteen years now, Lester for over twenty and the treatments are getting better and better. You've got a good doctor and good insurance and that makes all the difference," "I should have never gone back to that company. I'm going to put some feelers out there for something else." "One more drink and then I have to cut you off. I'm not going to let you sit here night after night and become another James." I ended up going over to Rick's house and spending the night. Ted never asked about those nights I didn't come home. He knew the score because he'd lived through it before. I was moving away from him just like all the other men in his life had. I was miserable, mad and disappointed but I had no idea what he was feeling because I never bothered to ask. I was an asshole, but I felt every bit entitled to be one. 15. TED DISAPPEARS I had spent most of the night at Pals and cried into my boilermakers. I was feeling sorry for myself full-time by then. Sammy had all but given up trying to put me on another path. I went home and slept on the couch with the TV on. I didn't hear Ted clomping around and had to wonder if he hadn't decided to spend the night out somewhere for revenge. I didn't care. I really didn't care. I woke up and it was morning already. Shit. I wouldn't be going in to work today. I no longer had to ask for days off. I just called my personal assistant and told her. "Might as well. Nothing's getting done here today anyway." "Why?" "You haven't seen the news this morning?" "No -- I've been sick all night and..." my eyes moved to the TV screen and one of the world trade center buildings was collapsing in great clouds of ash and smoke. What the fuck? I hung up the phone and watched in horror. It was an attack. It was Pearl Harbor live and in vivid color. Ted always slept until noon but he needed to see this. Gone. His bed was there but almost nothing else was. He left trash and one bathroom towel hanging over the shower curtain rod. He must have packed and moved on while I was gone the previous day or night. I went downstairs and there was no sign of any of his stuff. Except. Except for the ring. It was on top of a little sheet of paper. A note. Brian - I'm not leaving you. You left me a long time ago. His truck was gone. There should be a new word for when grief and relief are combined. And add in a mix of 'not surprised'. I had the TV and the horrific events of 9/11 to distract me for the next 24 hours. But I ultimately had to shut it off and go to Pals. Sammy had shut off the TV there as well. Lester was there and as well as James who was nearly coherent. It was a sobering day in every way possible. Sam had shots already poured for us. "They didn't actually attack the white house - they got the pentagon instead. I had to turn it off. They won't know anything for sure for a day or two. Playing hooky again?" "Yeah. Ted took off...I mean - he left. For good." "Well - it's not like I expected you to bring any good news. but Jesus!" He poured us two more shots before we'd even touched the first ones. "How you feeling?" "Not sure yet. You already knew it was headed for this." "Yeah. But it still hurts, You can mourn for everything you hoped it would be and never was." "I've already passed through most of that." I downed the shots quickly. 16. SIX MONTHS AGO So much time has passed. So many things are different. Rick eventually moved in with me and took over renovating the house. He just turned 63 and still gets up every morning at dawn and gets to work on one of the houses we're flipping. That's what we do now. I retired from my old job after I was diagnosed with chronic heart failure. There's not much they can do for me now. Rick wants me to get on a transplant list, but I've nixed that. I've lived my life...mostly as a jerk, but I like to think I had some good moments. James died. Lester died. Sammy is still alive and kicking and doing volunteer work for an animal shelter. Ronnie got married to some foreign doctor and lives in Ireland now. Her kids are cute. I would every so often try and Google Ted, but he had a pretty common first and last name and so the searches were pointless. I'd started an Instagram account for Rick and I's business and tried searching for Ted on there. Bingo! I found his profile picture. He was at least 450 pounds with a full white beard and glasses. He was smiling at least. It was a private account. I put in a request to follow him but still haven't been permitted. It's OK. At least he's alive and still finding a reason to smile. END

Jess' birthday was in September. Thad and I made it a special for him with a gang bang after which we locked his cock in a chastity cage, which we decided wouldn't won't come off him M.A.L. in January. We were on a tight schedule for Folsom Street Fair as Thad my BF had to catch a flight to Vietnam and Jess had to be back in school. We left NYC on late on Friday and were staying at Max's place which is a few blocks from Mr-S. Max took my fisting cherry when I was 19 at I.M.L Saturday we took Jess to Mr-S, leaving him there as I went to buy some toys. Jess seemed happy looking at all the eye candy, getting himself gawked over, and being grouped as he was fresh meat. As Jess was not yet 21, there were only a few places we could take him, but still he had fun. Still, the real fun would occur on Sunday. If you have never been to Folsom Street about 250,000 people, show up and do almost anything you want on the street in public. Jess spent some time in the puppy mosh pit having a blast. At one point we asked Master Tiano to flog Jess, after which, his ass and back being bright red from the flogging, and while still on an endorphin high, we took Jess to the sidewalk. It was time for Thad and me to have some fun with Jess. We pulled out his pup tail and started to fuck him as Max came by and asked if he could get his dick sucked by Jess, with the result Jess was spit-roasted and gagged on Max's dick, which was pierced with a P.A. When Max asked if he could dump a load into Jess I reasoned "Why not? Maybe one day Max will have end-up with his hand up Jess' hole, perhaps even as deeply as Max's had had been when he fisted me.

This Novella was incredible mate!

Shot a nice big load up a fit lad's arse earlier this morning. I'm up in Scotland at the moment staying in a hotel in the centre of Glasgow. Totally unplanned - was just chatting to him on line. He wanted me to fuck him but didn't have much time as he was on his way to work. I told him I was not long up and hadn't showered or anything but he said he didn't care. He arrived in my hotel room about ten minutes later - he was really fit - late 20s, dressed smartly in a shirt and tie, smart trousers and shoes. He sucked my cock for a while and licked my arsehole (even though he knew I hadn't showered) and then bent over the bed. I fucked him bareback and shot what felt like a massive load right up him. He grinned, pulled up his pants and left to go to work. So if you are shopping in the centre of Glasgow today and visit a well known clothes and home furnishing retailer, the lad who serves you might have my cum leaking into his smart designer underpants.

You had me at “White Shirt”. Great story.

Just took 2 loads here again.

Try this site. It's to meet other gay men aboard a cruise ship, gay, mixed or straight. https://meetmeonboard.com/cruise_calendar.php

Love it. But I must admit that sometimes it's hard to concentrate to please both at the same time while not forgetting the pleasure you are getting yourself.

Another Toon Masterpiece!

This is what I get for not reading the thread. OK, sounds like you're ditching the guy because he's unattractive to you physically and has a personality you don't care for. So here's the thing: it costs you zero to be civil to other people in our community. If you see him out and about, you can smile, nod, and move on. If you see him in the right context, like a bar or whatever, you can politely make small talk for a couple minutes before excusing yourself to go get another drink or something. If he hits on you, you obviously always have the right to say no. Be honest but polite. "Hey man, thanks, I'm flattered but we're not a good match," is fine. In the overwhelming majority of cases, that will be all there is to it. Now, obviously if it's heading in a different direction, if, say, he keeps trying to get in your pants after you've told him no, then yeah, deal with that firmly. If he keeps trying to socialize with you more than the acquaintance-level stuff I'm talking about here, then you can be polite but firm. "Please leave me alone," works if he's not taking the hint. But if you decide to treat him like shit just because he's overweight or shy or nerdy, that makes you the asshole. And others will see how you're acting. And you really do not want to have the reputation of being an asshole, especially when you are no longer young and pretty. Life is hard enough on all of us as it is. There's no call to go about making someone else's life even more difficult than it already is. Be friendly wherever you can be. It costs you nothing and will make you someone people really enjoy being around.

Not to be critical but you are in the park to take loads. Why not take his?

So..... it’s been more than a year, but i have an upcoming business trip to orlando in a few weeks and i am hot with lust. Same hotel as my last visit and much to my crazed delight, boy Scotty still lives in the apartment across the parking lot from the hotel. When i just reached out, he said he was hot to hookup too, as he still is into older daddies, and he particulary remembers cuming on my cock, before i put it back in his ass, and churned his cunt with my cum too. He also suprisingly remembers hot quick i was to felch him, and then hot hot it was to snowball and make out with it. His boyfriend also appreciated what we left inside him as apparently when he got home, he got thoroughly fucked once again. I’m just sick with anticipation as Scotty’s boyfriend is joining us. Can’t wait to successfully report back here, as in doing so this will have happened. If i get my way, Scotty is at some point climbing on dad 69 style, his mouth on my cock, so that i can eat his sweet smooth ass, suck on that beautiful cock, and have a ring side seat to watch his boyfriend bareback his hole. Definitely going to be some ATM added into the mix....

If the ship has a sauna or steam room in the mens locker, usually in the spa, you'll likely find guys in there looking to play, some are gay, some are married. I've had several experiences of sucking a guy off in the sauna and then later seeing him around the ship with his wife or girlfriend. I've had some really great ship sauna experiences. A lot of ships now have a thermal suite, or something like that, that you pay for, those are co-ed, but some will still have a dry sauna in the locker rooms. Also most of the ships will have a LBGTQ, or something similar, gathering. It's a good way to meet other's on the ship and I've hooked up with a few of them.

The toilet near me always has fresh cum on the walls and floor. You can often hear guys fucking in the cubicle, sometimes door open. Ive even been fucked, fully naked just in the open part of the toilet.

Part 14 After Justin pulled out it was time for the each member of the group to take a turn at seeding the straight boy’s ass. All the while keeping him extremely high and filling his head with the idea that he would only be sexually satisfied by a cock in his ass. Jason knew he was getting fucked, his brain struggling with the conflict of disgust and the pleasure he was receiving. What he didn’t know was that each load given to him had that extra special ‘gift’. The figured to slowly expose him to the truth that they were not only turning him into a bareback bottom, but a pozzing his straight, neg ass (a double conversion). It was well into Saturday afternoon even they finally let him out of the sling to have a break, get some food in him before continuing his double conversion. Jason could feel humans coming down from the drugs and surprised the group by asking, “Think I can get another one of those slams before I start getting fucked again?” When Justin hard his brother’s request he looked him in the eye and asked, “Is my little bro starting to like getting fucked while high?” Jason couldn’t deny the transformation he was experiencing as he willingly climbed back into the sling, held out his arm and simply said, “Yes, slam me up and fuck me please.” If Jason was asking for a slam, the group figured he should get a double slam, one in each arm. That would send him higher then he’d been to that point. As Jason watched then apply the tourniquet to his right arm he felt the other arm being worked on. With a number of the group watching the administering of the double slam he knew not to question or resist. Both points were inserted almost simultaneously as they counted down “3-2-1” and both points are emptied together into Jason’s veins. The tourniquet on the right arm was removed first. Jason felt the familiar warmth into his chest followed by a strong cough. As his rush began the tourniquet on the left arm was removed. Jason was not prepare for the additional meth. He coughed out hard 4-5 times and could barely focus on anything going on around him as he drooled and attempted to speak. Some around him thought to hear him say “Oh fuck yeah” others thought he said “Oh fuck me”. Either way, Jason was again getting fucked as each and every member there dropped dirty load after dirty load inside Jason’s ass. By this point Jason was definitely enjoying getting fucked as he clearly was moaning in pleasure with every thrust have into him. A little over an hour later he started become more coherent and was clearly heard saying, “Come on, fuck that ass. Give me that cock of yours. I need you to fucking breed me.” David was fucking him at this point and figured now was as good of a time as any to let the formerly straight jock know what he was really getting. Looking down at Jason without breaking his fuck stride David asked, “Does our jock boy like getting fucked? You gonna take dick in your ass from now on? Is Jock boy through with female pussy? You ready to be our bareback bottom cum dump?” David punctuated each question with a hard and deep thrust. Jason would answer after each question, “Yes”. It’s was the last question that caught him a little bit by surprise when David asked, “Are you ready to get pregnant? Ready for my gift? You ready for another dirty load of cum? Ready for my high poz viral load?” Jason knew from the start that every guy who fucked him was fucking him bare. Hell that’s how he fucked the girls from school, of the girls he fucked thought he got her pregnant only for her to have her period a week later. But now he was the one getting fucked raw and hacking guys shoot their cum inside his body. Seeing a slight look of shock on his younger brother face Justin leaned in towards his brother telling him, “That’s right little bro, after we’re done with you this weekend you’re going to be just like the older bro, a cock craving gay bareback, HIV positive bottom. You’ll be laying in bed from now not just thinking about a cock in your ass, but a bare, raw cock that will eventually gives you exactly what you need besides a good fucking. It will give you the cum you truly want.” As much as the thought of being HIV positive upset Jason, he knew deep then that he was having the next sex in his young life. He looked up at David, who was getting close to delivering his toxic load, and said, “FUCK! Give me your dirty load. Get me fucking pregnant.” That was all David needed to hear as he slammed balls deep into Jason and emptied his balls into the new cum dump, bareback bottom.

Fkn BONE HARD here, mate...loving ur dirty mind....

My all time favorite is Peto Coast. Hands down he is a boyfriend/husband material.

My ex, passed away too soon, and I went on several cruises all gay rsvp they were a lot of fun, second night there was talk at the show that there was a sling on board. The comedian made a point of talking about it during his show, he said only on a gay cruise! You could hear the oh’s and comments gotta find it! we just snickered to ourselves, we kept our door open while in our room sling on full display, we had several stop by to play with us! Some just wanted to try it out and nothing more. We were ok with that. Around the ship we kept hearing people ask others where the sling was, we just told them the floor soon to find them at our door! always travel with the sling on trips! If you don’t have a sling for you to get noticed, take a chance and if you find a group of guys together, that may be the best place to start. Talk to them, or a single guy at a table, ask to join him. There are gays that want to cruise that prefer not to be on an all gay cruise! Have fun, open up and get to know them, I would be surprised if you left the cruise without a few hookups! Enjoy your cruise!

Ethan Wolfe. Oh how I'd love taking that big cock in my tight hole.

Just a thought. I'm getting guys congratulating me for getting pozzed. I literally didn't do anything, I just spread and the guys who pozzed me did all the work lol

Went on a Cuba cruise.... told the porter in charge of my room I was a slut who wanted to be fucked as much as possible. He hooked me up with other stewards and passengers who wanted to fuck.... I got bred all the way to Cuba, in Cuba, and back again....

I was nervous about it but I was feeling horny and I knew I needed to do it. When I got there it was a seedy place but also really hot. Lots of naked guys, uninhibited, wanking, sucking and fucking each other in every other room. Just loads of faggots and tops having lots of sex. I was like a kid in the sweet shop! This was my first time at a sauna and I was so excited. At first I found a quiet spot and wanked off, watching a couple of guys suck each other. It was really horny and got me in the mood for something more adventurous. Then I explored the sauna for a while to watch other guys having sex and, after a while, I came across a couple of big hairy guys. Both over six foot tall with tattoos and both must have weighed over twenty stone. Both had bushy beards but one was bald and the other had long hair, tied back in a pony tail. It looked like one of them had been giving the other a blow job before I'd interrupted them. "What do we have here." Said the bald guy. "Looks like a little bitch that wants fucking. Do you want fucking bitch?" I nodded nervously. "We don't do condoms." Said the long-haired guy unapologetically. "Only bareback." "Are you poz?" Asked the other. "No, I've only done it safe before" I whispered. "We're both poz." Said the long-haired guy. "So when we fuck you, we'll poz you up. What do you think of that?" I immediately got a massive hard-on. I knew it was wrong but the idea of irresponsible, risky sex, was hot. The two guys looked me up and down and smiled knowing smiles. "Pathetic little subs like her have to do whatever she's told." Whispered the long haired guy to his friend. Then the bald guy with a beard nodded and smiled at his friend before barking out an order to me "Get on all fours faggot. We're gonna spit-roast fuck you so rough that both your holes will be sore for a week!" I meekly got on all fours and the long haired guy lubed up while the other hairy bear waved a gigantic 8 inch dick in front of my mouth. I took hold of his cock and guided it into my mouth and began to suck and take it deep throat. No sooner had I taken a couple of sucks that I felt the familiar sensation of a big dick penetrating my rim and the second large cock eased its way, bareback, deep inside me. "Take that poz dick bitch." Whispered the long haired guy in my ear. "Take it." Soon both big guys were groping and fucking me at both ends – their two big dicks ramming vigorously in and out like firm pistons, as I passively crouched down all fours taking it like a bitch. It felt great. And I didn't even need to wank myself as the big guy who was fucking me was groping and playing with my dick the whole time. All I had to do was stay there on all fours and take it. "This is so fucking hot! Let's poz up this bitch!" Moaned the long-haired guy as he rammed his dick deep inside me. "How d'you like being bred, bitch?" "We're gonna fill you so full of poz-cum you won't believe." Moaned the bald guy as I sucked him "You like that sub? You want that?" I stopped sucking for a moment and moaned "Yeah. I want it." Before taking his cock in my mouth once more. "Oh yeah you dirty little bitch, I bet you want it!" Moaned the long haired guy. "I've always wanted to poz up a pathetic little sub-fag like you. You're gonna get pregnant with our poz seed and give birth to our HIV baby! Fuck! This is so hot!" God it was hot! I knew it was so risky and fucked-up on so many level but it was such a turn on having two dicks inside me at once. I'd never thought of myself as a bug-chaser but it was so hot risking it bareback with two complete strangers I couldn't stop. I just moaned with pleasure as I sucked hard and felt my ass get pounded. I'd been so lost in getting spit roasted that I hadn't noticed what was happening around me. I happened to glance up after I'd been taking these guys dicks for about ten minutes to see another guy standing there watching whilst a boy was sucking him off. He wasn't just watching though. He was filming me on his phone getting spit-roasted! O god he was filming it all! I was so frightened but also found hugely thrilling. I gleefully carried on sucking and offering up my bum. A few more hot thrusts and my mouth was full of cum and not long after I could feel the other guy squirt his seed up my ass. I came of course, the mere thought of taking cum inside me at both ends made me cum in itself. There was cum everywhere. But they hadn't done with me yet. After a short rest they just swapped places and started fucking at the other hole. "Oh yeah! Let's breed the fuck out of this neg-bitch!" moaned the bald guy as he fucked my ass. All the while the other guy was still filming. They were both so turned on by bareback breeding a sub-neg bitch that they couldn't stop fucking me – they had to swap places for a third go at my holes before they were fully satisfied. The other guy filmed the whole thing. Afterwards the other guy said "God that was hot. I'm loading the video of it all up to a porn site. There's a lot of demand for bareback porn – especially fucked up bug-chaser shit. And that was some really hard-core stuff!" "Let me know the site, I'd love to watch it!" I moaned in ecstasy as the big hairy bear slid his cum and lube coated dick out of my ass for the last time. I was really turned on, it would be really hot for strangers to see me getting fucked by those two poz bears. I'd become a filthy bug-chasing slut and that was that – as long as it made me cum nothing else mattered. I couldn't wait to get diagnosed poz and wank off watching the video!

At the baths I look in all the rooms trash cans I can get into. I also look around all the floors and benches at the porn arcade, and recently have been digging through all th3 big trash cans in th3 public spaces looking for cum filled condoms

Part 2 After that night of the homecoming, Mark and I had become really good buds. I'd see him often at his brother Ray's house, which I regularly visited. Mark and I would sneak off here and there and have some fun giving each other bro-jobs. He started dating this really cute girl, who was a few inches shorter than he was and had a massive rack on her. Her tits were firm and perky, and he'd tell me how they fucked all the time and all the details. It turned me on every time he'd talk about it, and he knew it. He loved getting me hard without touching me, particularly when other people were around. He'd laugh to himself every time he knew he got me to bone up. One night, Mark, Ray, Ray's girlfriend, and I were all at Ray's house drinking and having a good time on that same sectional where Mark and I first experienced each other's mouths. Mark's girlfriend was out of town so we were getting a little drunk, and Ray pulled out a joint. I can't smoke the stuff, but I don't mind if other people enjoy it. I kept drinking, while everyone else got high. They didn't over-do it or anything, they all shared half a joint, and had a light buzz going on. Mark and I could tell Ray's girlfriend was enjoying the high as she began to get more frisky with Ray in front of us. She would playfully rub her tits against Ray and say she wanted him to cum on them. She grabbed Ray's cock through his shorts and he was blatantly erect. Mark and I just looked at each other and laughed. Finally Ray couldn't handle it any more and yelled at his girlfriend,"Alright! If you're so horny, we're going upstairs and I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you." She simply got up, took her shirt off and threw it at Ray and walked up the steps. Ray looked at Mark and I with big eyes and said,"well, I guess I'll see you boys in the morning then." We all laughed as he followed her up to the bedroom. Mark and I were watching tv and having some beers when we heard Ray's girlfriend moaning. Mark laughed and said,"you know who moans like that?" Of course I knew he was talking about his girlfriend, I had heard enough stories by now and I knew what he was he trying to do to me. He was trying to get me hard, so I said,"yeah I know who moans like that, you do, when I stick this fat cock up your ass." His smile faded and I thought to myself I'd crossed a line, but he took a big swig of his beer and said in a very shaky voice,"we can find out." Now MY smile was erased, and yup, you guessed it, I got hard as steel in seconds. He looked down at my crotch and laughed,"I knew that would do it." I quickly quipped,"Don't tease me, unless you're gonna please me." He got up from the couch, walked over to where I was seated, leaned down and whispered in my ear,"I know where Ray's roomie keeps his condoms and lube, you're gonna fuck me tonight." I didn't know if he was just high and trying to one-up me or what, so I played right along, and pulled my face back from his ear, grabbed his face with my hands and pushed my tongue into his mouth. If he was trying to shock me, I wasn't going to be outdone. He didn't resist, in fact, he sat down on my legs and started kissing me back. His mouth tasted like beer and weed, but gosh damn, I loved it. He was wearing basketball shorts and I could easily see he was hard as we made out for the first time. I began to run my hands up the back of his shirt against his skin, pulling him closer to me. I slide one hand down and grabbed his bubble butt, it was so muscular and firm, that I moaned into his mouth, he reached back, grabbed my hand and put it down the back of his shorts. While we kissed and tongued each other I slide my hand down his smooth crack and found his hole. I began to massage it firmly with two fingers. He was smooth, but also slightly...wet? I broke our kiss off and said,"you're wet, you've had something in your ass today when you jerked off just like you used to." Mark replied,"remember the pic I sent you homecoming night of the little red bull can in my hole?" Hell yes I remembered that picture. I jerked off to it all the time. "Well tonight, I used the bigger can, so I could be ready for you," Mark said while he looked directly in my eyes. Okay. So Mark wasn't playing any games with me. He legit wanted me to fuck him tonight. And I was 1000% into it! "Go get those condoms and lube now," I told him. He got up and went to the bedroom. He came out of the bedroom and was looking around like he'd lost something, then went to the kitchen and came back with olive oil and a condom, I looked at the olive oil and he just shrugged and said,"can't find the lube, we gotta make this work. Get naked and lay back, I'm gonna sit on it so you don't tear me a new one." I shucked my clothes and laid back just like he asked as he pulled off his clothes, took the condom out and started rolling it onto my erection. I have a pretty thick cock, so the condom wasn't going down very well. Mark put some oil on my dick and the condom started to slide down it now. It was so tight it almost hurt, but I didn't care, I desperately wanted inside Mark's ass. I guess I always have wanted to be in his ass to be honest. He got on top of me, I started rubbing his legs on both sides of me as he oiled up my condom covered cock and began to sit on it. I knew he already had a big can up his ass earlier today, but fuck was he tight! He would sit down on it just a little bit then come off of it, then back down again, until a few inches were going in and out of his hole. Everything was going pretty well, he came off my cock again, and added more olive oil. This time when he sat down on my cock he put about half of me inside his hole then we seemed to have hit a barrier. My dick was stuck halfway up his tight hole. I could tell he knew we had a problem too. I didn't want this to ruin the moment so I pulled his face toward mine and started to kiss him again. I told him how tight and good he felt, and how I've been wanting this for a long time. He began to relax and get into making out, he adjusted his position so he could kiss my neck, and that's when it happened, his hole gave in, and in one moment I was balls deep inside him. He grunted hard and gave a deep moan against my neck and said,"Fuuuuuuuuucckkkk dude." We stayed like that for a bit, he was breathing into my neck and my cock was literally throbbing inside of him. He started to rock up and down on me now, fucking himself on my cock. He leaned up and sat all the way down on my cock again, this time when he bottomed out I guess my cock head found his prostate because precum poured out of his foreskin. Mark moaned again and the look of pleasure (and maybe some pain) was all over his face. He started riding me faster and breathing hard when all of a sudden I felt it...the condom snapped. I wasn't surprised that it happened because I'm very thick and it was extremely tight on me and Mark used oil as lube which I knew from sex ed degrades latex. What DID surprise me was the fact that Mark felt the condom break too and we froze, locking eyes. "You're all the way in me...bareback now. You're like REALLY inside me." Mark stated I didn't know what to say, I just shook my head "yes" with this dumbfounded look on my face and my mouth hanging open. Mark breathed out,"god it feels so fuckin good, you're huge and you're entirely inside me...raw." He started to ride me again, so I just went with it. I was grabbing his legs and rubbing his body all over, I'd pull him down and into a kiss every half a minute. His cock was still drooling precum when he sat on me fully. We were both getting into this, a lot, when he reached back and grabbed the base of my dick and started to slowly come up off of it. When my head pulled out of his hole it even made a "pop." He pulled what remained of the condom off my cock and said,"follow me." I didn't hesitate, I immediately got up and followed him into the kitchen where he tossed the condom pieces into the trash then bent over the kitchen table. I came up behind him and looked down at his big muscular ass, saw his tight wet hole and pushed the whole thing up his ass. He let out a big breath,"yesss, fuck my hole." "You want this dick, Mark?" I retorted as I began pounding his ass. My thighs were slapping against his firm ass cheeks as I plowed into him faster and faster. I couldn't handle seeing my cock pistoning in and out of his hole much longer. It felt incredible and I was getting close. I struggled to get the words out,"I'm gonna fucking blow man." Mark was jerking his cock feverishly under the table and moaned out,"fucking don't pull out, just let me finish, cum in me if you have to, but don't stop fucking me!" That was it. That did it. I started blowing a huge load up his ass, and did just as he said, I. KEPT. FUCKING. HIM. As I shot my load up his ass and kept fucking him as fast as I could his whole body tensed up and he was breathing out,"oh god I can feel your cum. fuck. oh shit. oh god. ohhhhhhhhhh!" as he blew his load onto the kitchen floor. I was still fucking him, and to my surprise when I heard him say those words and he started blowing his own load, I began blowing ANOTHER load up his ass,"Mark, I, I, I'm cumming again, oh fuck dude, I'm cumming in you again, ahhhhhhhhhhh." We were both covered in sweat and coming off our orgasm high. We were trying to catch our breath as I slowly pulled out of his ass. He stood up and we just looked at each other like, well, like we just had the best fuck of our lives. Oddly enough, that's when we heard what could only be Ray's girlfriend, having a very loud orgasm upstairs. That snapped us out of our blissful fuck haze and we realized that we were naked in the kitchen, with our clothes in the living room, our bodies covered in sweat with his cum on the floor and my cum leaking down his leg. Mark and I gave each other "oh shit" looks of panic and started cleaning up our mess. We went into the living room and grabbed our clothes, I said,"go to the bathroom and try to push out my cum and get dressed, I'll put something on tv." Mark had just walked out of the bathroom before we heard Ray coming down the stairs. Mark sat down on the sectional on the other side across from me and Ray just laughed and said,"damn, I fucked her so good it smells like sex down here too." Mark and I laughed too. Ray grabbed us all beers and sat in between us on the sectional and started watching the football game. Mark had pulled up his legs onto the couch while he drank his beer, I looked over at him, and he winked at me, slide his hand down to his shorts and pulled them up enough for me to see his wet hole with my cum still around it. He just did it for a second, but it got me hard anyway, and he just chuckled into his beer can as I grabbed a pillow to cover up my boner.

FUCK I can only imagine!

Wrestling Party turned Orgy – Aftermath The next morning, many of the guys were hung over and still naked on the floor, couch, or for the lucky few, a bed. As each guy stirred, I wondered how much of the previous night they might remember. Those on the floor had snuggled up to each other over the course of the night, and as the sun shone through the curtains, there were a few stifled grunts and groans, some from the light but others were clearly the sounds of sex beginning again. I was wrapped around Gus, and he was grinding his ass back against my growing erection. “Keep that up and I am going to fuck you again.” I whispered in his ear, to which he ground back harder. I reached down and positioned the head of my cock at his entrance, and with a slight pop, was soon back in him again. I slowly thrust into his velvet hole, still slick from the loads he had taken last night. “Yea.” he moaned softly as I bottomed out in his chute. I made it a gentle fuck, wanting him to enjoy this next round, hoping it would lead to more till he joined us in the brotherhood. As I slowly fucked his well-used hole, I reached over and felt his rock hard cock. I jerked him off to the tempo I was using on his ass, and soon he moaned and coated my fingers with his morning load of jizz, hopefully one of the last neg ones he would ever shoot. I was not too far behind him and soon was blasting my morning load into his ass, well past the second ring. I rode the fuck through the end of my orgasm, and rested inside him as I kissed his neck. “Thanks, I needed that again. I hope Rob will let you do it again.” “We can do it as often as you like Gus, Rob and I are not exclusive.” I replied. “Sweet! I want both of you guys actually.” “That can be taken care of any time. Just message me and we can set it up. Since we live together, we have no problems of finding a room.” I slowly pulled out and Gus rolled over to give me a kiss before getting to his feet and trying to find his singlet in the mess. ‘I gotta get packing, headed home in a few hours. See you after break.” He said as he quickly pulled on the singlet and headed towards the door. Other guys were now getting up and looking for clothes and shoes and heading out. A couple of the guys slunk out looking guilty at what they had enjoyed the night before, but others shared mutual kisses and gropes as they dressed and left to head out for whatever they needed to do on the first official day of Thanksgiving break. Rob, Chris, James and I stayed behind at Jon and Seth’s to help clean up and discuss how the night had gone. It had been hard to keep track of everyone, but between us 5 Vers guys, we had shot loads into about 15 of the rest of the 20 wrestlers on the team; and the other five had each taken a turn fucking Jon’s hole; no guarantee of them converting, but at least they had been exposed to the virus. We all said our goodbyes, and would wait to see how our team mates fared after Thanksgiving break.

Love where this is going... Sure, they say Two's company, three's a crowd , but to be honest I really like when things get kinda crowd y at the baths...

If your that concerned stop barebacking.

Ethan Wolfe https://www.gayforit.eu/video/305692/Manfuck-Manifesto-Scene-One-TIM

About a year ago I was in DC, met an older black guy on A4A that wanted to fuck raw. He came over, I sucked him hard then he started fucking me. He seemed a little hesitant and thought he wasn't into me but he said everything's cool. He was fucking me kneeling on edge of bed and suddenly asked if I ever let someone piss up my ass--I hadn't. He asked if he could and I said yes, and he did a little, kept fucking then pissed a little more. It really turned him on and he started humming up my ass, it was intense. My head's spinning trying to think some of his piss is up there too. He pulled out, zipped up and left. I tried holding it awhile but after about 15 minutes had to let it go, hated to cause I like keeping cumloads up my ass. Another time sucking off a guy in a park one night, fucking my face pretty good and occasionally my mouth would be wetter than usual--thought nothing of it. This went on for awhile, kept happening, he pretty much said nothing but called me a pig occasionally. "You like being a pig? You like getting between a mans legs and taking his dick, pig?", he said as he got harder. Then my mouth got much wetter--at first thinking it's cum but realized it's too thin. I started swallowing which only turned him on morel, his death-grip on my head pretty much making me swallow. Then he came tons and i keep swallowing, and surprised I took piss in my mouth. H went soft in my mouth I'm nursing on his softening dick. I said that was really hot, can we meet again to do more? He looked down at me staring, ran his fingers into my hair then pulled my head back a little not violently but definitely assertive, and with a smile said "you dirty fucking pig", spit on my face, then raised his foot to my chest and pushed me to the ground and walked putting his dick away. Hot drunk college-aged guy.

OMG What Did I Do? Part V I could hardly wait for my boyfriend to get home. That message just got me hotter than hell for some reason, thinking about a guy with a huge cock and he knows us apparently but not anyone we know. For some reason I was now almost panting for some sex. My hole just kept tingling from the thought of someone may have been watching us and thinking we were a very hot couple. Not any time too soon, my boyfriend arrived home and I met him at the door naked and tearing his clothes off. Drug him into the bedroom and on top of me. My mouth dropped onto his cock and sucked like I was sucking for my life and soon had him hard and dripping precum galore. He was busy, too, eating my hole and dipping his tongue in and driving me crazier. Then he pulled away grabbed me and threw me on my back, lifted my legs into the air and rammed his cock in me with only his and my spit on his cock and my hole for lube. I groaned with the pain at first but it did not take long before his thrusts had me in pure heaven. He pounded my hole like there was no tomorrow and then I felt it, his cock expanded and then he growled and rammed his cock as deep as he could and was cumming a river in me. WOW We laid there then as he lowered my legs down and we laid in each others arms for a good hour afterwards. Then we finally got enough energy to get up to go eat supper. During supper I started to open up a little to my boy about my fantasies. I told him I had been looking online at some sites and getting off with my dildoes as we hadn't been doing much, sex wise anyway. I told him I felt guilty doing it but it seemed like it was helping us. I asked if he cared and he told me that it seemed to be working well. He laughed then and said a little fantasy never hurt anybody and to be honest he had thought of a couple of hot guys he had seen when fucking me and loved it that way too. We laughed then, but I could not tell him about this new guy I had seen as I was thinking my thoughts about that and the fact the guy seemed to have spied on us sometime or other was over the line a little. But it was nice to know my boyfriend had a good imagination also. We watched TV naked in bed after supper wrapped in each other's arms till we fell asleep. After our talk the next two or three days went by quickly although our schedules prevented us from seeing much of each other again, until bedtime and sleep came easy then from a lot of work. I was pretty satisfied for the time being. Being the little cum slut I was, though, it did not last and I found myself, on the 4th day after our talk, turning the computer on and looking to see who was on that I could have a hot talk with and pound my insatiable hole with a dildo with. A couple of sites had, basically, nothing on and turned to my main one then to see what could happen. There were two or three messages there from guys I had played with before but they were not quite what I wanted and then saw a message from THE guy. I opened it and he was writing me to tell me how nice the trails were at the park the last couple of days. He went on to say that he thought sure he would see me walking or maybe sitting around trying to get a look at his cock. He had included a pic this time, but it was just the tip of his cock with a large drop of precum oozing out of the hole in it. It really did look huge, but again he was not online. I just stared at the tip of his cock and without even hardly knowing what I was doing my hand had grasped my dildo and was lining it up with my hole as I looked. I came out of it a little as it dawned on me that I had my dildo halfway in me already while thinking about a huge 11" cock in me. WOW I was almost ready to cum just thinking about it. I decided that I just had to see that for real and then I could forget about it finally. I made plans to take the next day off of work and head for the park and find a place to hide so I could watch the main trail and get a look at him if he came by. I prepared a snack to take along as I decided I was going to be there all day if it took that long. I also packed my largest dildo and lube as I just knew if I did get to see him I would have to ram it in me to get off for sure. I called work the next morning as soon as my boy left and told them I was not feeling all that good but put me down for PTO instead of sick leave as I was sure I would be back the next day and I wasn't going to the doctor. With my hard work they didn't bat an eye but just said to hurry back in. I then dressed in a tshirt and shorts with a jockstrap and headed for the park.

OMG What Did I Do? Part IV My ass is still tingling from the abuse I gave it last night while online with a guy that is supposed to have a huge cock. I have not seen it yet, but last night I finally got a glimpse of the head of it. Seemed to be much bigger around than my boys and his is as big around as my wrist. I just want to see it once and I am sure I will cum on the spot. The guy has an extremely sexy muscled body and face and his voice has just the right inflection to make his every word my command. I am basically his to command when he talks and find myself just obeying him and losing concentration on trying to get a look at his cock. He had me so worked up last night that my own cock spurted like a cannon clear over my head, but some landed on my face and into my eyes. When I was blinking and trying to clear my sight is when he apparently lowered his camera to his cock but by the time I could see he raised it back up and I only caught the glimmer of it. My boyfriend has a large cock but this guy claims to have one 11" and from the quick look I got it has to be bigger around than by boys too. I want to see it badly. My ass just tingles thinking about it as it may be bigger yet than my dildo I have which is bigger than normal also. I sent him a message this morning before work telling him I really want to see his cock. I told him it is about all I think about now and especially when playing with my ass with that dildo. I am hoping he will let me see it next time online. Well, work finally over for the day. I have not had a productive day as I could not stop thinking about that little peek I got of my online guy's cock last night. I am hoping he is online again tonight and will let me see it this time. I get home and there is a message from him. My fingers are shaking as I click into my site to read it. He says, "Hi, got your message and am glad I am driving you nuts with want. LOL I love to tease guys wanting to see my cock. I guarantee you it is every bit as large as I say it is. I love stroking it as I tell you what to do to yourself in my name and pretending it is my cock pounding your hole like you want it. What you don't know, because I don't post it, is that I only live about a mile from you. Know that little park on the south side of town, The Lion Park. I live right by it and go walking in it almost every day when it is nice out. When I get to some of the back trails in there I also strip naked and walk in the fresh air. You should try it sometime. You need a little more fresh air and some sun. Oh, I know exactly where you live too. LOL Your boyfriend looks hot too and can see why you are together. Make a great looking couple. " That was all there was and he was not online now. Would he come on later? I sure hoped so. Now I had a bunch of questions to ask. Seems he knows us and I cannot for the life of me remember seeing him before until online. I knew the park he was talking about too, kind of mostly used by guys only to meet up. Maybe I should get over there and find a hiding place and hope he walks by nude to get a look at his cock. I will have to think about that. My boy just texted that he is off early again finally and I am going to rape the hell out of him when he gets here for sure. I am just all excited about a big cock pounding my hole and need my boy quick.

OMG What Did I Do? Part III My boy and I fucked like demons for about 4 days straight and I was loving it. Fantastic sex, but every time I saw my huge dildo, I would think of that guy's 11" cock I had not seen. I wanted to see one that big. But, I was getting laid good, so I really didn't try to hard to think about it except when I saw my dildo only. Then like it started, our sex stopped again as our schedules got mixed again and basically only saw each other about the time to fall asleep. Both of us too tired to do anything with our long hours again. It only took a few days for my ass to start wanting again. I basically have always wanted it filled every day and a lot every day. LOL A few days without and I was grabbing my dildoes again and ramming my own ass. Most of the time now though, I was grabbing my huge one and using it while thinking about getting a real 11" cock in my hole. Very intense feelings for a few days but the feeling dropped off then. A week had gone by without my boyfriend in me and my hole needed to be satisfied more, so I turned to my sites again to get some feedback from some guys. Loved the camming and play acting with other guys and having them tell me what they would like to do to my hole with their fists or cocks or a dildo along with their cocks. It got me off again for another few days but still thought a lot about the big one I wanted to see. I had not found him online at all and was hoping he would get back on but didn't seem to be. I then got a little bit desperate and sent a message to him asking if he would like a replay? Another couple of days went by with some other guys and some nice hot sessions and some had some big cocks too, but none in the size I wanted to see. Then finally I got a message from him. WOW He told me he would be on at a certain time and I should be naked and ready when he came on and I had better have my biggest dildo ready to plow with. I told him I would be ready and he signed off again. I didn't even get a chance to ask about his cock. The appointed time came and I was naked and lubed and had my huge dildo ready. I was tingling in my ass from the anticipation and sure hoped I got to see that huge cock too. Sure enough he came on right on the button. I was a little disappointed again though, as he seemed to be fully dressed again. He immediately, in that hot voice of his, told me to get comfortable. I laid down on my back and waited to see what was going to happen. He took his shirt off and I about dropped my load watching him do that as muscle after muscle popped out. Not your huge behemoth kind like some weight lifters but just nice big hard muscle of a guy who works hard and works out a little to help. Very hot looking, but I already knew it from his pics. I wanted that cock out. He then told me to get that dildo wet in my mouth as he wanted to see how good I could suck a cock. I immediately buried as much of it in my mouth and throat as I could. His cam was aimed at about the top of his stomach but it looked like he was taking his pants off. I was sucking like mad and hoping the cam would droop somehow and let me see. He did not move the cam down, but told me he liked good cocksuckers and I tried desperately to get the entire dildo in my mouth and down my throat. I about choked myself good but got all but about an inch or a little more finally in me and down my throat. I could see his arm moving and it looked to me like he was stroking his cock just out of sight of the camera. Was driving me nuts. He then told me to start moving the dildo slowly downward towards my hole. I began by slobbering all over it and then very slowly slid it out of my mouth and down my chin to my neck and then down to my chest. Then around one nipple and then across to the other nipple, oh so slowly running it around in circles and making my nips stand up good and hard. Then down across my stomach and stopping at my belly button to push it in there like it was a hole too. Down to my cock and around it and I was hard as a rock and then further down pushing in on and rubbing my balls. Finally to my crack and then to my hole. All the while I could tell he was stroking but still out of sight. As I got to my hole he told me to get to it and just ram it home. I complied and groaned as I rammed the entire length of it in me in one stroke. It hurt like hell but also felt so damn good as it rubbed across my prostate and my cock jumped and nearly shot it's load right then. I started to pull it out and ram it back in hard and fast. I was beyond turned on now as I watched closely as his arm seemed to be getting faster too. My cock was jumping every which way and my ass was on fire but I pounded my hole for all I was worth and kept hoping he would drop the camera down. I wanted to see his cock so bad it was driving me nuts and turning me on at the same time. After only about 10 minutes of pounding the heck out of my hole I could feel the cum starting to boil in my balls and knew that soon it would be coming out of my cock in huge spurts. He seemed to be grimacing some so I was sure he was close too. Then it was there and I let out a low moan and my cock erupted and cum blew out so hard some went clear over my head. Some hit me in the eyes even and I blinked a couple of times and when I looked at the screen again the camera was just coming back up. I caught just a glimpse of the head of his cock and then his cam went off again. I almost screamed. The small glimpse I got of the head of his cock looked gigantic and still was spurting cum that looked like by the gallon. I had not seen his cock again and I could barely move either from pounding my hole so hard and cumming so hard too.

OMG What Did I Do? Part II A couple of days went by since my session with the guy with the big cock. I was still turned on terribly by his gruff voice and the thought of an 11" cock like my dildo. That had been one of my most intense climaxes ever. My boyfriend was home for the evening and after supper I basically raped him. LOL Told him I had missed his cock so much and had to have it. We barely made it to the bed and got our clothes off when I had his cock buried in my throat sucking for all I was worth. I needed that cock hard and in me badly. In a short time it was nice and hard and let it go and laid down on my back. My boy tipped me almost upside down and rammed his cock home in my hole. The only lube, my saliva from sucking him. I let out a scream of pain as I had thought he was going to get some lube first. He held still for all of, maybe, 2 or 3 seconds and then started to pound my hole good. I love being upended like that. Basically being pile driven and my own cock just a couple of inches from my lips. He felt like he was trying to drive me through the mattress to the floor. Harder and faster and as deep as he could go. He kept it up and kept it up, driving me wild. Then after a good 20 minutes I felt my own cock start to tingle and I opened my mouth and caught my own load as I erupted. It was fantastic and then with my ass quivering my boy yelled here it comes and he let loose his cum deep in me and ground it into me making my cock keep spurting more also. It took us another good 5 minutes to finally start to settle down. What a fantastic fuck. It then dawned on me that right at the end I had thought of an 11" cock spurting into me just as my boyfriend was doing it. Fucking hot for sure and my own cock did another couple of twitches from that thought. We laid there in each others arms for quite a while after that and then my boy's cock started getting hard again, so we did it again. It was another intense fuck and we both were about as drained as you can get by the time we finished this time. We then laid in each other's arms and called it a night.

I love the dark room thing! It's the not knowing and especially that it could be some ugly trolly filling your ass up with spunk.